Since JenJen got herself pregnant, I have been nothing but on the grind trying to get my paper weight up, for all the slang deficit people, I have been trying to make more money.  Three months ago, while taking a bath, I was hit with, what I believe to be, a multi-million dollar idea.

After patiently working with my lawyers and getting my idea patented, I can now release it to the public and I can hardly contain my excitement.

Today, TheBitterBlog proudly presents the body enhancement drug of the future, SteroTan, the only all in one body enhancer that both darkens the skin and increases muscle mass.

SteroTan has already generated significant amount of interest in the celebrity community.  Below are just two of the brand names that have already jumped aboard the SteroTan phenomena.

Arnold Schwarzenegger If I only had the SteroTan in 80s, I would have saved time in hours and money in dollars, which would have allowed me to spend time training and much more money on my English.

Jose Canseco With SteroTan, I can now concentrate on whats important, my writing, and am no longer plagued with the everyday decisions of how much I need to tan or how many cycles of Steriods I need to take, with SteroTan it is both easy and fun.  Available in both pill and lotion, SteroTan offers me the ease of use and convenience that I have so desperately been seeking, thanks SteroTan, lets play ball!!!

And of course a body enhancer is nothing without the success stories and SteroTan already has two, meet Tony and Sam.

Since starting SteroTan 2-weeks ago, I have gained both 110-Ibs of muscle and 15 shades of darkness.  Without SteroTan, I would have been forced to spend 15 minutes a day tanning and countless hours injecting myself with Steroids to obtain the same results I have achieved with SteroTan.  After only 2-weeks I can already see and feel the results, I can only imagine what I will look like a month from now.  Thanks SteroTan, you have made all my dreams come true!!!

I used to be the whitest girl on the block but now thanks to SteroTan, I am the buffest and tannest girl.  By taking only one pill a day I have both darkened my skin and gained significant muscle mass in a short period of time.  SteroTan has to be the greatest thing since light cigarettes!!!  Something this good cannot be bad.

SteroTan is full of possibilities, in fact we have already started the early stages of a spin-off enhancer, called SteroTanIagra, signing none other than the Hulkster himself as the spokesman for our product.

Hulk Holgan - SteroTanIagra has made it easier than ever to keep my tan, keep my pythons and keep my hard-on.  With just the right combination of steroids, tanning chemicals and Viagra, SteroTanIagra has made it easier than ever to keep all that is important in my life.  Whatcha gonna do when SteroTanIagra runs wild on you!!!

Watch for SteroTan and other products brought to you by the makers of SteroTan at Wal-mart or any other fine stores at a location near you.

thebitterblog.com - SteroTan a new enhancer for a new generation -

I have wanted to kick many people in the head, but unfortunately have only kicked a few. My first kick to the head, was dealt to a homeless dude who reached for my private zone, I taught that stupid homeless dude to never reach for a private zone that is not his own by giving him a butterfly kick to the head.
I have yet to experience anything as satisfying as giving someone that you hate a kick to the head. That is why I would trade any toe, for the opportunity to kick one of the following people in the head.

• Kirsten Dunst. I would love to kick Kirsten Dunst in the head. After sitting through both Spiderman I & II, I have developed a deep hatred for this nasty chick. Her voice, her body and her teeth, all scream for a kick to the face. Maybe if I kicked her hard enough with my axekick, we would all be saved from seeing her act in Spiderman III, but only if we could be so lucky.
• Will Smith. Now I liked Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, was a big fan, but I think Will Smith has taken a huge nose dive after that. Starring in Men in Black, having big ears and making rap music without any swearing or booty shaking strippers has earned him, in my opinion, a kick to the head.
• Ashton Kutcher. Out of all the reasons to hate Ashton Kutcher, I only hate him for one, I hate him for starting the trucker hat revolution. I cant stand trucker hats but thanks to Ashton, there are still numb nuts out there that think it is cool and continue to sport their John Deere vintage hat. Ashton Kutcher, I would love the chance to knock your stupid Von Dutch trucker hat off of your stupid rectangle head with a swift back kick to the head.
• Cuba Gooding Junior. Cuba you are not a gangster and should not attempt to play one in a movie. I actually forgot that you existed until I rented Dirty last weekend. After the first 10min you quickly made it onto my I want to kick you in the head list. I am going to kick you back into non-gangster acting, like Jerry Macguire, with a tornado kick to the back of the head.
• My Girlfriend JenJen. You stupid girl, how could you have gotten pregnant? I am praying that my roundhouse kick to the head will be enough to send you through time so that this can all be avoided. Picture Unavailable
• Paris Hilton. I would trade all the opportunities, of kicking all in the list above, for the single opportunity to kick Paris. If Paris is not having sex with a European Shipping Heir or talking about her stupid dog or making homevideos or talking about her stupid self, then she is most likely working on her new album, wait a minute, did I say new album? Yes, that is correct she has a new album coming out, not a porn album, not an album for retarded people but a music album for white people. I would love it if Paris would behave like her herpes and only present herself every 6-8 months, then disappearing again 1-week later. But no, Paris you have to be more like Hep-C, slowly eating away at our livers until one day we are all dead. Paris, I would take great pleasure in saving the world by serving you my reverse roundhouse kick to the head, as depicted below.

thebitterblog.com - Paris Hilton Giving Herpes A Bad Reputation -

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Chevy Tahoe's latest series of ads...

Political:
http://www.chevyapprentice.com/view.php?country=us&uniqueid=10590fc0-158d-1029-98eb-0013724ff5a7

Environmental:
http://www.chevyapprentice.com/view.php?country=us&uniqueid=04685082-1591-1029-98eb-0013724ff5a7

Functional:
http://www.chevyapprentice.com/view.php?country=us&uniqueid=6b2ed1d6-1593-1029-98eb-0013724ff5a7

What you think?

thebitterblog.com Been Doin It For Years...

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1. Look for a girl with skinny arms; if you find a girl that has a skinny body but her arms are a little thick, you can be certain that her body will catch up with her arms.  In fact, this rule can be applied to every body part including legs, fingers and neck.  The only body parts that take exception to this rule, are the ass and breasts, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a skinny girl having a fat ass or fat breasts, I repeat, there is nothing wrong with a skinny girl having a fat ass or fat breasts.
   

2. This ones obvious but needs to be stated, check out the dimensions of the girls mother; if the mom was skinny 20 years ago and fat now, then you got yourself a skinny girl that is going to end up fat, it is in her genes there is nothing you can do about it but walk away.
   

3. Find a girlfriend that is a heroin addict; heroin addicts have no problem staying skinny just ask Boy George.  Below are two pictures of George: one taken during his peak in heroin usage and the other taken some years later. 

   

   From the pictures, it is easy to see the benefits of heroin, not only is Boy George far more attractive and skinny during his peak in heroin usage but heroin appears to have also given his lips a deep, luscious red tone which will be a plus for your skinny girl.
   

4. Talk to your skinny girl about the Kirsty Alley situation; if the girl sides with Kirsty and thinks it is ok for a women to put on some weight after giving birth, then your skinny girl does not have the mindset needed to stay skinny, and whatever mission you are on should be aborted as soon as possible before you get in too deep.

If Mr. Alley used the tips above on Kirsty he could of determined that Kirsty was not going to stay skinny, notice her slightly thicker arms than the rest of her body in the skinny Alley and how quickly her body caught up in the fatter Alley.

Did I miss anything?

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First off, what the fuck are these guys doing performing live at the super bowl, let alone still living. Shouldn't they be dead by now? Or at least close to death? I mean come on it is 2006, these grandpas released their first album in 1964, thats over 42 years ago for all you math deficient people.

Watching these old timers on stage was painful. Wasnt anyone else worried that Mick was going to break a hip convulsing like he was? I had personally never watched Mick perform and thought that he was having a seizure on stage, that is why I kept watching, I was waiting for the paramedics to rush onto the stage.

I think everyone can agree that the censorship has gone too far in protecting the bible states. I mean come on, censoring the word cocks out of their 2nd song and then cutting off Start Me Off before the lyric youd make a dead man cum.

Fuck, I would rather watch Sesame Street than a bunch of old men hobble around on stage.

At least in Sesame Street there is a slight chance that the Asian hottie below could have a wardrobe malfunction with Big Bird, similar to that of Janet & Timberlake. You dirty dirty bird Big Bird...

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