Cardboard cut-out of a policeman used to help deter shoplifters Photo: PA

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/lawandorder/4410417/Police-spend-20000-on-cardboard-officers.html

If ever you've throught maybe I whine a bit too much about my job, maybe the below will help you understand why. It's not that I don't like my job, quite the contrary. But when the people in charge make bonehead decisions that ask me to be 15% more productive than I am already (I'm pretty much working 65 hour + work weeks right now) for a wage that does not meet the industry standard, I do tend to have a bit of job dissatisfaction. "Aw, Patricia," you begin, "just how bonehead can the decisions be from the people in charge of higher education? Aren't you exaggerating just a bit." No, You, no I am not. Read the below recent posting from the Chronicle of Higher Ed web site. Yes, once again, Tennessee lands on top in education -- only it's the top of the list of Who's Who at the Bottom:

Tennessee Takes First Annual 'Turkey at the Top' Award

Turkey at the top is always intensely competitive. This year's contenders included first runner-up Robert Felner, the U of Louisville dean indicted for conspiracy to commit fraud, money laundering, and tax evasion in what the feds allege are repeated acts of embezzlement of grant monies amounting to over $2 million. Not content with these escapades, Felner racked up 31 grievances and complaints in his 5 years at the "U of L" but was consistently backed against the faculty by upper administration, especially Provost Shirley Willihnganz and President James Ramsey, who spent extravagantly on lawyers and consultants to prop up his administration despite what numerous accounts (including this one and others that I've privately confirmed) termed an "onslaught" of complaints from faculty, staff and students alleging "unsavory behavior, ranging from sexual harassment to workplace intimidation." This pair continued the authoritarian regime of wall-to-wall administrative solidarity and secrecy established by their high-living predecessors, former provost Carol Garrison and former president John Shumaker—later found sharing lavish hotel rooms and limousines at public expense, while jetting to trysts in the University of Tennessee's private plane.

But every year only one can win. This year's award goes to the chancellor of the Tennessee Board of Regents, Charlie Manning, for his new business model for higher ed in his Appalachian state. Over the past couple of decades, the great state of Tennessee has burned millions of education dollars on executive compensation, sports facilities, and miles of orange carpet—while leading the country in squeezing its faculty.

Of course the "new" business model isn't new at all—it's just Chuck Manning refusing to let a good crisis go to waste. It's the same tired Toyota-management theory from the 80s, with wide-eyed managers and credulous politicians swapping bromides (crisis=danger + opportunity) of doubtful validity, linguistic or otherwise.

In the big picture of capital, Chuck Manning is just a low-level squeezer—the higher-ed equivalent of a regional manager for PepsiCo. The first half of the "opportunity" for higher-level squeezers and shareholders has already been realized, in the stabilization of finance-industry holdings and incomes. Chuck's job is to realize the other half of the opportunity—squeezing a few more nickels and dimes out of his already-on-food-stamps faculty, and further watering down the thin gruel he passes off as "higher education."

In the business curriculum, squeezing nickels and dimes until your workers are living on food stamps, loans, or gifts from relatives is called "long term productivity enhancement." Manning's ideas for good squeezing include:

+ Requiring students to take a certain number of online courses en route to their bachelor's and associate's degrees.

+ Turning online learning into an entirely automated experience "with no direct support from a faculty member except oversight of testing and grading," and providing financial incentives for students to voluntarily accept teacherless education-as-testing.

+ Use even more adjuncts and convert the remaining tenure-stream faculty into their direct supervisors, "formalizing" that arrangement. (Can you hear me screaming "I told you so"?)

+Use "advanced students" to teach "beginning students" and build that requirement into curriculum and financial aid packages. (Again, I'm screaming. You should be screaming too.)

+Increase faculty workload, initiating a "students-taught" metric to supersede courseload, and "revise" summer compensation.

+Austerity for the poor—cutting athletics at community colleges, eg—but rewards for privatization and revenue-producing programs, etc etc.

Reading all this life-in-wartime austerity of fake correspondence learning, students as teachers, faculty as supervisors, and a standing army of temps, you'd think there was actual fat to be trimmed (other than in the administration).

But the reality is that if you're really experienced and qualified, teaching 10 courses a year for Chuck Manning nets you about 15 grand without benefits, or less than you'd make at Wal-mart. That's quite a bit less than half the $33, 960 that the extremely useful Living Wage Calculator says is necessary to support one adult and one child in Knox County.

This has been going on for quite some time, as the hero of our Faculty on Food Stamps video series, Andy Smith can tell you. Since starring in the series, Andy has learned another hard lesson about Chuck Manning: asking politely for a raise gets you a) strung along with months and years of "we're considering that" and b) turned down flat when they run out of string.

When higher ed administration has left you jaded—when blood from a stone doesn't thrill you any more—call Charlie Manning, this year's Turkey at the Top. He'll squeeze you a faculty smoothie and slip you a side of diploma mill, and do it with a smile.

PS—Next, I'll tell you what I think Tennessee faculty and students ought to do, just IMHO, of course.

PPS—Oh, and Obama watchers? This kind of quality-management nickel-and-diming employees literally to death is the hallmark of the Clinton economy and Clinton-Gore approach to the public good. The next few weeks will tell if Obama thinks labor will fall for the quality scam again (doubtful), while he sells out our dreams, cozying up to folks like Manning and Michelle Rhee. You want to know what higher education will look like if Clinton-Gore principles are put to work? Just look at Charlie Manning's work in Gore's home state.

Posted at 05:34:08 PM on November 26, 2008 | All postings by Marc Bousquet

This is a recent repost found on the Chronicle of Higher Education web site (http://chronicle.com/review/brainstorm/index.php?id=1005).

Hey You! Got a gift-giving occasion coming up? Comeon, ya know ya do ... how's about giving your sweetie a beautiful pair of chalcedony gemstone earrings (see image below). The "Mary Ann" earrings are offered by Obsidian Jewels ( www.obsidianjewels.com), who will donate 60% of the profits from sales to the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, who are among the leaders in the search for early detection of this awful disease. Please consider this option for the upcoming holidays.

I lurvs me some Onion !! Below is from the August 8 edition:

Soundgarden Inadvertently Reunites At Area Cinnabon

August 8, 2008 | Issue 44•32

SEATTLE—Members of the popular 1990s grunge band Soundgarden shocked critics and fans alike Tuesday, appearing together publicly for the first time in more than a decade after accidentally running into one another at the Northgate Mall Cinnabon.

Enlarge Image

The former bandmates come out for an encore of Chillattas.

The unplanned 15-minute reunion was the result of a number of unrelated events, including lead singer Chris Cornell stopping by the baked-goods franchise to buy a Caramel Pecanbon, drummer Matt Cameron taking a break from shopping at the nearby Banana Republic, bass player Ben Shepherd walking by and noticing his one-time bandmates in the food court, and former guitarist and Cinnabon daytime supervisor Kim Thayil working the 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. shift.

According to those in attendance at the packed fast-food venue, the highlight of the incidental Soundgarden reunion came when the rockers reconciled their differences and teamed up for the first time in years to finish off an order of Cinnabon Stix.

"At first it was pretty awkward and none of them seemed like they were really into it," said Al Helbling, 30, a Northgate Mall Sam Goody employee and Soundgarden fan. "But then the drummer comes in and right after that the bass player comes in, and it was like, 'Yes, Soundgarden is back.' It was so intense."

The former members of Soundgarden, who have not released an album together since 1996's Down On The Upside, reported that it was initially difficult to find common ground, but once they began exchanging ideas and riffing on which sugar-filled dessert they were going to order, the chemistry felt "as strong as ever."

While Shepherd told reporters he enjoyed seeing his old bandmates, he admitted to experiencing some last-minute doubts about going through with the encounter.

"I got all the way there, but then I just didn't know if I could do it," Shepherd said. "I had a huge lunch that day. And Cinnabon, that's some really sugary stuff, even if you have a sweet tooth like me."

Thayil, who joined the band shortly after it was formed in 1984, said some tension arose between himself and former front man Chris Cornell early on in the reunion, after Thayil scolded Cornell for entering the cinnamon-bun snack purveyor without a shirt.

"Honestly, I didn't even recognize Chris at first," Thayil said. "All I saw was this bare-chested guy entering the store, and that's unacceptable in the food-service industry. I hate to be the enforcer, but just because we were in a band together doesn't mean I can allow him to create an unhygienic environment."

The heated situation was quickly settled, however, when Thayil offered Cornell a complimentary 12-oz. CarmeLatta Chill. In turn, the 44-year-old lead singer responded by serenading Thayil with a version of the group's hit song "Black Hole Sun" in which he replaced the titular phrase with the word "Cinnabon." Cornell, former singer for the now-defunct group Audioslave, then stuffed his pockets with napkins, saying he needed them for a later solo project.

The two soon moved to a back table, where they joined Shepherd and drummer Matt Cameron, the latter of whom said he was overjoyed to see his old bandmates, since he had to "kill some time" before Pearl Jam practice.

Although Tuesday marked the first time the group has fully reunited, the members of Soundgarden have had a few near-misses in the past 10 years. In August 2000, all four members were seen entering Seattle-area Arby's restaurants, but the reunion never materialized: Cornell and Cameron visited the Meridian Avenue location, while Thayil and Shepherd decided to visit the Michigan Street franchise. The afternoon did, however, mark the largest Temple of the Dog reunion to date, when Cornell and Cameron ran into the rest of the supergroup's members in the restroom.

After the success of the Cinnabon reunion, Soundgarden is reportedly planning a tour of the Sunglass Hut and Piercing Pagoda.

8 May is No Socks Day

• According to Wellcat.com, 8 May is No Socks Day.
• No Socks Day is copyrighted to the folks at Wellcat Holidays and Herbs
• Wellcat appears to be a woman who sells herbs at local tradeshows and makes up holidays (I'm guessing) in her spare time.
• Evidently the Wellcat lady thought that V-E Day (Victory in Europe Day) was not a celebratory enough event for 8 May.
• According to an interview with World War II veterans Mike Modica and Tom Fahey, Jr. on www.afmc.af.mil, service members would fill their socks with coffee or sugar and use this to barter for goods in ........Italy.
• Presumably, the service men were not wearing the socks in which the coffee or sugar was stored, so they were way ahead of Ms. Wellcat with the no socks thing.
• V-E Day is the day that the Allied forces accepted unconditional surrender of Nazi forces.
• The term "unconditional surrender" was, perhaps, most famously used when Ulysses Simpson Grant, in response to the request for surrender terms from Brig. Gen. Simon Bolivar Buckner, the officer in charge of ....Tennessee's ........Fort ....Donelson, replied by saying that "no terms except unconditional and immediate surrender can be accepted."
• The quote earned Grant his nickname "Unconditional Surrender" Grant.
• Ulysses S. Grant became the 18^th President of the ........United States in 1869, making Julia Boggs Dent Grant the First Lady.
• After Ulysses Grant's death, Julia Grant wrote her autobiography, making her the first First Lady to do this.
• The Amazon.com sales rank for Julia Grant's autobiography is 595, 549.
• Laura Bush, the current First Lady also wrote a book, Read All About It!, which is currently ranked 256 in books.
• Laura Bush's book is not an autobiography. It's a children's book.
• From the blurb about the book, there's no indication that it discusses unconditional surrender, holidays, herbs, or socks.
• An "I'm Feeling Lucky" Google search of Bush and socks takes you to a website selling "Impeach Bush" socks.
• The website is called www.impeachbushsocks.com and its slogan is "Socks to express yourself"
• If Ms. Wellcat expresses herself with socks, she evidently finds a different way to do it today, her official No Socks Day.

QUESTION: What do you do when you are dead-tired from grading non-stop for the past two weeks, and you've just read a student essay for a comparison/contrast assignment that asked the student to compare two literary works and the student says this about the second work: "this work needs no analyzing because the words speak for themselves" and then types out the second work? Hmmmmmmm? What do you do?

ANSWER: Well, of course you look at Andy Riley's The Book of Bunny Suicides, which is about "little fluffy rabbits who just don't want to live anymore." You can see Riley's work on the web site http://www.retrocomputing.net/racconti/umor/coniglio/pandora.beptuui.html

but here's a little preview:

Thank you and your dark humor, bunnies, thank you :)

My friend *andrea* posted this as a bulletin called "Because I have a doctor’s note," which I don’t really get, but I kind of like it anyway. I miss believing in doctor’s notes. I don’t anymore. I think they are too easily obtained to actually mean anything significant. However, I am always amused when a student brings one to me and says that he/she has been excused from class per the doctor. Teeheehee -- those funny doctors. Anyway, it seems more like this little collection of irrelevant bits should be called "I’ve come to realize" ... hmmmmm - actually, looking over the completely insignificant information I have listed here, maybe "Because I have a doctor’s note" does work. :)

Because I have a doctor’s note:

I’ve come to realize that my boobs:
Are quite cute – although I don’t really think they’re worthy of being called "boobs." Let’s call them booblettes. 

I’ve come to realize that when I talk:
I use my hands to reinforce meaning or demonstrate whatever it is that I’m talking about.

I’ve come to realize that I need:
A lot of coffee.

I’ve come to realize that I’ve lost:
A concern for what others think of me most of the time.

I’ve come to realize that I hate it when:
People think their intellectual apathy is something to be celebrated or, at the very least, to be laughed about like it’s some endearing quirk. 

I’ve come to realize that money:
Is really what drives a majority of people. It becomes what they’re most passionate about. That’s pretty sad.

I’ve come to realize that people:
Are very funny although most of them don’t realize it.

I’ve come to realize that I’ll always be:
Able to entertain myself.

I’ve come to realize that I have a crush on:
OMG George Orwell!!!!! SUCH an enormous crush. It’s major. I just think he’s the dreamiest. The first line of his review for Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer is "Modern man is rather like a bisected wasp which goes on sucking jam and pretends that the loss of its abdomen does not matter." That statement alone makes him fabulously crush-worthy.

I’ve come to realize that the last time I cried was:
When I was really tired and felt just like I remember feeling as a little girl when I cried.

I’ve come to realize that my cell phone is:
Something I have little interest in.

I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning:
I was very happy that I could just roll over and go right back to sleep. Bash didn’t seem to need to go out right away, I didn’t have to get up for work or a meeting, and my parents didn’t need me to come over today.

I’ve come to realize that before I go to sleep at night :
I like to read something to think about as I’m falling asleep. Right now my bedside book is a collection of essays, letters, and reviews by George Orwell. See – SUCH a crush!!!

I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
Making some popcorn and watching a movie.

I’ve come to realize that babies:
Are especially cute and cuddly when you know you can give them back to their owners – I mean parents J.

I’ve come to realize that when I get on Myspace:
I’m escaping from reality  for a brief moment.

I’ve come to realize that today I will be:
Grading essays.

I’ve come to realize that tonight I will:
Not grading essays.

I’ve come to realize that tomorrow I will:
Be grading more essays.

I’ve come to realize what I really want is:
The perfect pair of shoes … and to be completely caught up with my grading.

I’ve come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this:
I haven’t come to realize that. I really have no idea who might be likely to repost this. Someone who is looking to waste some time …

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:

Have you ever dated someone twice?
Not really. I kind of kept seeing my first boyfriend after we broke up, but I wouldn’t really call it "dating." I don’t really like moving backwards.  

Have you ever been cheated on?
I don’t know. I’ve had my suspicions.

Have you ever bought condoms?
Yep.

Have you ever kissed someone and regretted it?
Oh yeah.  

Have you ever fallen in love?

Yup.

Have you ever lost someone?
"Lost"? Like I went into a store with someone and set that person down like he/she was a set of keys "lost"? Uh – no.

Have you ever been depressed?
Yes.

Have you ever been drunk and thrown up?
Yes, I’ve been drunk, and yes, I’ve thrown up, but no, I’ve never thrown up because I was drunk.