I'm sitting here, tired, and ready for bed, but yet, awake.
I started writing a blog about the ... "happenings" from a few days ago, but I did something wrong and it disappeared. I need to blog about it, even though it will prolly get set to private, but I need to get it down, so I can look back and have it there to help me remember. Stuff like that just doesn't happen to me, and I don't want to forget one word, one smile, one laugh..... I have a million thoughts running through my sleepy head. I can say that my brain has been centered on one thing lately, and its kinda good, but yet, perhaps pointless... Any way, I'm not getting into it. If I blog about it later, and you promise not to think I'm lame, then if you ask nicely, I'll let you read it lol.
But for now... I think I need to make a resolution, to put forth a little more effort into spending some time with my friends. I seem to spend most of my time sleeping, or working- with a concert thrown in here and there.
It was fun last week, to hang out with Jess, and BJ and Shannon, and yes, Mike and David too, but really just to chill with the girls. I mean, Shannon lives in TOWN for crying out loud and it had been months since I had seen her last! (Goes both ways though)I want to do more things like that, just fuckin chill and relax, maybe get ahold of Hoochie and Amy. And who ever else and have a few beers...
I have to say, I like my job, I like most of the people that I work with, there are only one or two exceptions, but apparently its not just me that has issues with those exceptions. :) Which makes me feel like I'm not the total bitch that I think I am. I like them, but its not the same sense of family that I grew up with, and had for so long at Holiday/Antiqua/HoJo/Green Mill... what ever you want to call it.  I miss those days, and I know, its not good to dwell on the past, but some days, I miss that more than others....
I'm going to go to bed now, but I plan on blogging a bit more later perhaps...
<3
 

Here is what I am thankful for, not just today, but every day:

My family, they are first and foremost in my life. I am so blessed to have such an awesome and loving family. Parents, Brother, Nephew, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and those that I haven't even met yet... I love them all dearly. "Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family.  Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted."  ~Paul Pearshall.. -->PIH-->

My friends. I have the most amazing, loyal, supportive, loving and understanding friends. With out them I would be nothing, they make me who I am, and who I want to be. The old ones that have been with me for ... damn... a hell of a lot of years lol. And the new ones, that have only been around a short while... I love you all, and I wish you all the best... "One's friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human."  ~George Santayana

Music! Bet you couldn't guess this would be on my list. =) With out music in my life, I wouldn't have some of my friends... So a huge thank you to My Chemical Romance, and Avenged Sevenfold. MCR led me into this, and Avenged keep me going. "Without music, life would be a mistake." -Friedrich Nietzsche

The men and women in our military, that fight for freedom.

Fight for honor, fight for your life.
Pray to God that our side is right.
Even though we won, I still may lose
Until I make it home to you
I see our mothers filled with tears,
grew up so fast where did those years go?
Memories wont let you cry
unless I don't return tonight

And of course I am thankful for the basics, the roof over my head, the job I have etc...

I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and remember to be thankful every day, not just today.

May God Bless you all.

First of all let me say that with out KC none of this would have happened, so thank you to her for being one of the most awesome friends I could ever have.

Dedication: To KC, Chels and the Groupie, the three best tour mates any one could ever hope to have.

 

Day one- 11/8/08 St. Paul. ------ Drove to Rochester and met up with KC and Groupie. Left my truck at Josh's place, and we drove up to St. Paul. Got there about 11:30. There were only two people ahead of us in line. The guys were doing a radio interview so we caught that, it was Shads and Syn, they said Johnny was too hung over to come out for it. They talked about general stuff, and Syn called Val a total slut, jokingly of course. Someone asked Shads if he believed in vampires and he said he dated one, then said no he didn't believe.

Hung out in line, and met Billy. He's one cool cat with some awesome ink. :) We got front row, on ZV's side. Saving Abel was pretty good (their adorable merch guy tossed us a couple picks while he was setting up), and Buckcherry was, well, themselves lol. The curtain dropped, and there sat Shads at the organ, they opened with Critical Acclaim, and the fog was so thick it was almost hard to breathe. Syn, being his goofy self, walked over and sat down on the bench, and leaned back, kicking his feet in the air. What a goon. We screamed our asses off for ZV and Johnny. During STD, Zacky looked at us, smiled, and walked up to Johnny, ZV had his back to us but he gestured in our direction with his head. Johnny looked towards us then walked over and stood directly in front of us, and smiled down at us. (And yes there is photographic AND video evidence of this) During Gunslinger, Zacky sat down on one of the risers. He had his head down, and his guitar laying across his lap, and was just kind of fiddling with his hands. He looked so damn sad, I swear he was crying, cause I saw him sniff a couple times, and when he stood up, he wiped the back of his glove across his eyes… ZV tried to toss me pick, but I missed it. TWICE. The last time he just kind of shook his head and made a pouty face.  Jason had a really shitty night, and loading out took about 2 hours longer than it should have, so we didn't get to see him…

Day two- 11/12/08 Milwaukee. ----- I got off work at 8 am, went home, got ready and we were on the road at 9:30 am. We parked in back by the busses, and were by FAR the first people there. So, I was told by KC that I was to stay in the car and sleep. SLEEP!?? With the guys so close by? Yeah right. That and the fact I was extremely afraid that I was going to wake up and find The Rev peering in the sunroof at me. ( I suffer from Revophobia-fear of The Rev).  Chelsea decided to tell Matt Berry that she loved him, which made him laugh nervously and then get his merch dolly stuck in the door way. There was no Buckcherry playing this night. It was an A7X headline show. Front row, 2^nd show in a row.   Shinedown was back with them though, and they were awesome. I was very impressed by them. Some douchecock threw a whole cup full of water or something at Brent and just doused him, but he just kept on going.  Jason saw us from up on stage and waved and walked over to us, but they dropped the curtain in between us lol. The crowd was crazy b4 A7X came out, the chant of SEVENFOLD was nearly deafening, and the floor was shaking from them stomping their feet. It was so sick. The guys came out, stupid people were still throwing shit, Shads took a light shot to the nuts, and ZV got a shoe in the shoulder.  At a quiet part Chels and I yelled "we love you Zacky!" and he responded by blowing us a kiss. They added Dear God, and did Little Piece of Heaven for an encore. I caught a ZV and a Syn pick. =)  The Rev even came out and threw drumsticks into the crowd; I had never seen him do that before. We hung around, and I actually ran into a girl that I had met back in 2006; she had waited all night with me to meet the guys, but had left like ten minutes too soon. It was so cool to talk to her again though. Jason came out, and he apologized that he missed us in St. Paul; he said that it had been a shitty show for him, we took the time to grab a pic with him, and stuff. He's such a damn sweet guy… "Anything for you girls."  Jason is the greatest. =) Eventually Shads, Johnny and The Rev all came out (at separate times) It was fucking COLD and rainy so I had my blanket, and I shared it with them lol. Johnny was sick, and looked like hell, poor guy. He should have stayed on the bus. But some annoying chick had brought him a bday gift so he came out. The Rev, well, he was totally obliterated. He couldn't even focus his eyes, and I thought he was going to fall over. Shads was super nice as always. He took one look at Chelsea and said "I remember YOU!" That is so damn awesome.  We got into a bit of trouble on the way home, but we WILL not be getting into that….

Day three-11/14/08 Madison ----- The beginning of the three day stretch… We were the first ones there by three hours. Hell yeah. Front row for the 3^rd show in a row. All four bands were there for this one. Baldy and Bobby tagged along. A7X played before Buckcherry, so when our boys were done, we got out.  We did the "we love you Zacky" bit again, and this time he said, I love you too. I did manage to fight off a guy that tried to get between Chels and I on the barricade. Dumb fucker. He lost. (And he wasn't exzackly a weakling either; I have some very wicked bruises from him… We did happen to notice good ol' Dan out and about pickin up chicks…lol.

Hung out, in the even COLDER weather, ran into Heather from the Cinder Road Street Team. That was cool. We met Zach from Shinedown, Chelsea tried to get him to let her on the bus so she could watch Saw 2 with them, he was like "No, we drink and do tons of drugs… no really all we do is watch movies, we're lame like that" Josh Todd from Buckcherry came out too, so I got him to sign my ticket and Chels and I got pics with him, KC didn't, he creeps her out too much. Jason came over and said Hi, and we talked for a while, poor guy was coughing and said he was catching a cold.  There were only about 7 people out there waiting, when this guy comes walking up. "Who are you guys waiting for?" He asked. We were like, "Any one from Avenged Sevenfold." He just nodded and said, "Ok, let me see what I can do."  And then he walked over and got on their bus. Not five minutes later, he came back out with M.Shadows. =) Shads walked up to us and was like "I'm sorry guys, I didn't realize you were out here." It was great, we got pics with him and Chelsea had him touch her leg because her jeans were ripped and it was so cold. Shads went over to talk to the other group of girls, and we stayed there and talked to the other guy. He asked how long we had been out there and we said since the end of the show, he made a comment about how cold it was, and Chelsea with out missing a beat said "We're hardcore bitches." Which made him nearly spit out the liquid he had just taken a drink of. It was classic. Then he asked if there was any one else we wanted to meet, and Chelsea said Zacky. He said he would see what he could do, and that Zacky was stubborn. When he went to go back to the bus with Shadows, we finally asked who he was. Shads said this is Deano, our new tour manager.  It took him a little while, but he came back out, WITH Zacky.  It was great. Once again, Chelsea made him touch her leg. Lol. And I know I'm forgetting stuff, but he was looking so fuckin hot that my brain turned to mush. We talked to Deano some more, and told him we were going to Waterloo. He was like "Do you have tickets already? Cause its sold out!" We smiled and said of course. We decided that Deano is pretty much as cool as Thor. =) We headed out for Waterloo, made it to the state line, and pulled off at a rest area. Let me just say how much I love my sleeping bag. It sure made sleeping in a car in 20-degree weather a lot easier.

Day four- 11/15/08 Waterloo---- Got to the venue about one or so, there were only a few people there. Chelsea continued in her quest of harassing the hell out of Matt Berry (who I must say is looking damn fine as of late). The merch was right inside the doors where we were waiting. So she went in and said hi to him, and asked him for a hug and the other merch guys were teasing him. Once again we got front row, four for four! It got a little scary, because the barricade moved. The security was effin AMAZING!! The one girl Meghan was so awesome. She was a big A7X fan, and the look on her face when they came out was priceless. I got some great pics of her in front of the stage lol. It got a bit scary when the barricade shifted, but it held up, thankfully. Syn came over in front of us to do his solo, and as he was playing we yelled FASTER! And he played faster, it was great. =) The guys played last, so when they were done, we decided that we weren't gonna hang around, we wanted to head out for LaCrosse and get a hotel room. So we waved at Jason, and he acted like he was going to throw a cymbal at us, and we told him we'd see him tomorrow night, and he smiled and waved. By the end of this night, I too was coming down sick…

Day five- 11/16/08 LaCrosse ----- I had never been so happy to wake up in a hotel bed in my life. We made a quick trip to Wal-Mart for cough drops and art supplies and headed for the line, where we found Billy waiting for us. YAY! I don't think I've ever had so much fun in a line lol. His friend Taylor is pretty damn cool too. We went the total dork route and made signs while we were waiting. Chelsea's said "I love Syn's solo" and then on the back it said "And his dad", Kari's said "All Hail Johnny Christ" and mine said "Screw Johnny, All hail Zacky V"

 We went five for five for being in the front row. FUCK YEAH. Dan walked by in front of us and he stopped to high five us and ask what number show we were on lol.  During Shinedown the barricade began to separate at the section where KC and I were. The shitty idiotic security that was there assured us that it would be fine. Avenged came out, and we held up our signs. The guys LOVED them lol. I got a beautiful smile from Zacky for mine. Le sigh. Thank god we held em up early and didn't wait, cause three songs in, the fucking barricade BROKE. It went down right next to where Chelsea was standing. Thank God the guy behind her was fucking awesome, and held onto her. People hit the floor, I saw Shadows turn and say HOLY SHIT to Johnny Christ. (this is the only time I will EVER speak poorly of my boys) The thing that pissed me off, instead of stopping, and making sure that people were ok, they kept on playing. I have no idea how the hell we got out of there, but let me tell you it fucking hurt. I still have bruises showing up on my arms from fighting threw the crowd. I swear, at that moment, if Shads would have walked up to me, I would have punched him in the face, I was so pissed. So, they fucked around while the retarded security staff tried to fix the barricade. Rev played a drum beat, and Shads was like, well THAT'S not fuckin helping, and Syn played some of Walk. We went out and got some water, and then went to see Matt Berry. I did make a comment to him about Shads not stopping, but I have a feeling he didn't get it… Chels TOTALLY made him blush and I called him on it, but he denied it, even though he was lol. Then I spilled my water on the table, how fucking embarrassing… later I gave him the excuse that I did it cause he was so hot and I was trying to cool him off. He replied with "I'm not hot."  He didn't get that either. LMFAO! We went back in and watched the rest from the upper level, they had a nice little game of  "knock over Zacky's mic and make Dan pick it up", Shads was impressive with his spinning kick when he took it out.

We bailed on Buckcherry, and went out to wait for the guys. We met up with Billy and Taylor and their friends, and a girl from the line earlier. We got to meet Brent from Shinedown pretty much right away. What a nice guy! Deano came out and totally remembered us, it was great, "You guys are here AGAIN?" he laughed. He seemed saddened by the fact that it was our last show, and he said they'd be back this way soon. Shadows came out, and he hung out with all of us forever. We got all kinds of inside info… =) He also admitted to accidentally punching Dan earlier lol. And I thought I got a pic with him, but apparently it has disappeared… =( Johnny came out really quickly, and then Shads came back over for a minute, and Kari had him sign her quilt. He looked at it and was like "Where am I?" lol.  Jason came over and we said goodbye to him, and got more hugs. Sniff sniff, I'm gonna miss him. We were stubborn and just kept waiting and waiting. Billy's goal was to have all the guys sign his tattoo, and then get the autographs inked over, so we weren't giving up. Meanwhile, my bro and his girlfriend who were there to pick me up, went up to Coconut Joes where they had a beer with M. Shadows. Eventually a slightly inebriated Synyster Gates came out, singing "Everything" by Buckcherry lol. We all got pics, and he too signed KC's quilt. When he saw it, he pointed to a pic of Shads and said "That guy's gay." Lmfao. Syn and Billy had a way cool discussion about Syn Gates' clothing, Syn asked Billy's opinion, so totally gnar that he did that. We were just about to give up, when The Rev walked out. He was headin to the tech bus, but we all walked over and he took pics with us, and Billy got his fifth and final autograph on his tattoo. It was great. Rev only had one shoe on; the other was in his hand with a Heinekin. When it was my turn to get my pic with him, the battery died on the camera, so we had to wait. I had my arms completely wrapped around him, and he was totally leaning on me. If I had moved, he would have fallen over. Chels hung out with Jared, one of the techies for a bit, while I moved our stuff from KC's car to my bro's. Jared is the kick ass guy with the Mohawk. {This prolly won't be exzackly word for word but you'll get the main points} Chelsea said that she was worried about The Rev, and Jared said he's like that every night. He asked her if she had somewhere warm to go, she said "yeah the cars right there, I'm going home now" Jared asked her if she was going to the next show, and she said no, I've already been to four, and he said "Yeah, you guys are the hardcore bitches, that's what Deano said. We all know about you." The other guy that was standing there with them agreed about the hardcore bitches part.  Jared  asked why she wasn't going to the next show, and she told him she couldn't because of school.  He said "Just get on the bus and come with us." She laughed and said I don't think I can. Then we had to go, so she said goodbye… =)

And that ladies and gentleman, was the most fucking amazing 5 days of my life, thus far. I can't fuckin WAIT for them to come back.

Tonight it was the vampires that were after me.

Yes, you read that right.

 Usually its just murderous zombies, with blood dripping from their mouth, a severed human limb in the hand, with jagged bites taken out of it. I can hear the smacking of their blood wetted lips as they enjoy their snack, bef

No, tonight it was vampires. But not the cuddly vampires I adore, it was those nasty vicious ones like from that 40 Days of Night movie. The ones with the blood chilling screams, and the mouth FULL of sharp teeth, not just the two pretty fangs.

I was seeing things everywhere, feeling their beedy little eyes watching me from every dark corner.

I'm sitting here waiting, just waiting for the damn sun to come up. The sun, even though I avoid it like the plauge, it makes me feel just a little bit better when I see it begin to pinken up the sky.

 

Ok, by now I'm sure you're wondering what the fuck I'm going on about, and thinking that you better take me to see the men in the pretty white coats at good old Mendota. Its ok, I'm still sane. Ok, maybe leaning a little more to the not so side of sane...

But damn it, I've decided that a third shift job, where you're mostly alone, is not a good place for some one with an imagination like mine.

There are so many shadows that I see move. Strange noises that I can't explain. All it takes is one thing to set my mind off...

No, to answer your next question, I don't come to work stoned. I know, as paranoid as I sound you might think that. But I haven't smoked anything since that one time years ago in the woods...

Seriously, there are points in the night where I think my heart is going to pound out of my chest, my palms sweat, and my pupils dilate from fear.

 

I've also learned not to whisle in the dark when  you're alone. That is just fuckin creepy and I'm sure its straight out of a horror movie.

Fuck. The back door just opened.... now I hold my breath until I hear the comforting beep of the time clock.... surely vampires and zombies don't clock in....(unless you count me in the first catagory) ......ahhhh there it is.... BEEP!

Now I feel a little better, not quite so alone, and as I look out the window, I see the first traces of sunlight stretching across the sky....

Looks like I made it thru another night.

SO.....

It's been almost 9 months since my last drink....

And I'm actually kind of proud of it...

I'm not straight edge by any means, and I DO NOT need alcohol to have a good time...

But... I have been considering taking the sport up again...

And so I want other peoples/friends opinions....

Leave me a comment to know how you vote!

So maybe now isn't the best time to be blogging. Its been a quiet night, and I've had a lot of time to think about things. Maybe too much, and too many.

For some reason, I can't quiet the voices inside my head. The things I think of I know most of you wouldn't believe. (chill, they're not all bad.... well mostly)

I don't know, I think alot of it is how much things have changed. How little I get to see my friends, all of them. No one's fault except for life's I guess.

I miss my friends. I miss the happy disfucntional family that Green Mill was. I miss the people that, jointly, we made the promise that we would always stay in touch. I miss conversations, where I didn't have to finish my sentance, I miss special greetings, that were a long running joke. I even miss the bitchy people! Well I know I wouldn't miss them for long...

Its not just the Green Mill friends I miss. I miss everyone. Yeah, you too. I know you're reading this, and feeling left out, but don't, cause I miss you too. I hate how things have changed.

I. HATE. HOW. THINGS. HAVE. CHANGED. PERIOD.

Lets see what else is on my mind...

Hmmmmmm, nope, don't want to talk about him. Who knows who actually reads this.... and on that matter I don't even know what to say. All though I will admit to my utter confusion, and fear. Throw some guilt in there for good measure, and that sums up that matter.

Then there is a promise to someone, that even though they don't know it, I haven't even come close to upholding it. Even though he's right- What have I got to lose?- (add more guilt there)

Oh I can add my excitement and nervousness about the BOTB. Sweet baby Jesus I hope it's not a flop. Can you say STRESS????

Ahhhhh and not to mention the new bosses. I hope I'm not the complete and utter brain dead fuck up that it seems like I've been lately. (I can feel a few ass kickings coming on for saying that)

And just for laughs, cause you all know me so well, I miss Avenged too, I got spoiled by that little tour, and lmfao, I really do miss them! And that of course includes Mr. Jason. ;)  (bet he misses me too. ok. well the cookies at least)

 

So uhhhhhh yeah. Thats how things are for me tonight. Today. This morning. GAH! I get my days so confused....

St. Paul MN

March 3rd 2008

Ok so today began waking up soooooooo very tired from the night before... got ready and met my tour mates, and we were on our way from The Dells to MN. We had a blast using the walkies between "Tholomew, and Buddy". Johnny the Gnome even made an appearance in the back window of good ol’ Tholomew.

It seemed to take forever to get to the cities, and when we did, we hit rush hour. Just after stopping for gas in the ghetto, we heard the angelic voices of two of our boys on the radio. Syn gave an excellent traffic report, and Shadows commented on the gangs plan for the evening. The Rev and possibly Johnny would be out and about bowling around 10pm, and himself and Syn would be hitting the golf dome and then heading to Hooters for dinner. SCORE!

We hit the MOA, met up with Ben for dinner and did a bit of wandering, hoping to run into someone special like I had previously. The only band we saw was Bless the Fall. We didn’t stop to say hi.

We went on a wild goose chase, (ha ha ha) to a few bowling allies looking for Mr’s The Rev and Christ but had no luck, and decided to call it a night.

March 4th 2008

The next day we got to the venue BRIGHT and EARLY, Kari and I armed with our Jump the line passes, in case they were the same color. Which they were, and we were stoked. Only to be completly jacked by the stupid people who had rearranged us into a seperate line, and then proceded to let everyone else in at the same time! We were lucky enough to get about 3rd row on Syn’s side of the stage... They had both the main stage and side stage in the same room, so we got to listen to ALL of the bands. I must say I enjoyed the local band THROW THE FIGHT very much. Idiot Pilot were... interesting, and didn’t get a good reaction from the crowd, at one point the lead singer said "If you don’t start moving I’m gonna fucking kill you." ... Bless the Fall sounded HORRIBLE.. and once again all I got out of the J Rock bands was Sank you and Las(t) Song.... I have to say that the tall guy, Dan was his name, was freaking HILARIOUS! He was so stoked for Bullet that I really thought he was crying when the lights finally went out and they came out on stage. He fricken smacked my arm so hard in excitement I thought fer sure I was gonna have a bruise.

We got to yell HI to Jason, who doesn’t answer to Jason, but we got his attention with Berry!  lol. (damn he’s freakin HOT) We laughed our asses off when they showed a quick video before starting the countdown, Shads was filming it, and he showed Jason laying on the couch with a bottle of Grey Goose in his hand and a lamp shade on his head. (he doesn’t drink) and Zacky said something, but I couldn’t hear him. :(

Avenged came out and it was seriously fucking amazing. PYRO. By this time Kari and Alysha had both snaked their way to the FRONT ROW! I was so jealous. but I was right behind Kari. She got some AWESOME pics. I mean seriously jaw dropping. Her and that damn camera of hers are my heros lol. We were sweating our asses off from the heat and all I could think about was poor Rev, cause he was the closest to the flames. They left the stage, and the kid to the side of Kari left too. Quick as a bunny, I was front row for the encore. Which of course was Little Piece of Heaven. I fucken rocked out hardcore, and caught Syn’s eye a couple times, one time he even kind of shook his head and smiled at me. (Oops I can’t help it, I kinda like him just a tiny little bit since we had a "moment" -dont worry it wont last)

We hung out after the show, but had no luck. Damn underground parking. =(  We did however get to yell hi to Jason outside. Matt Berry walked by and we said hi, he complained that his truck left with out him, and Kari said he could just put the stuff in her car, to which he said sure, where is it? lol Then on his way back we asked him if Jason had shared the cookies with him - his first answer was yes, then no, then "I spend 10 hours a day in a truck, I don’t have time for fun stuff yet."  I nearly died from laughing. I still have no idea what that has to do with cookies....

We also go to talk to some very cool security gaurds, the one even gave us hand warmers. He then told us that we could pull the car around, that it would be ok if we parked in the no parking zone. We left, I hobbled to the car, my damn feet hurt soooooo bad, and as we were going to drive around to the back of the building, we pulled up to a stop light. and what drove out right in front us? The AVENGED TOUR BUSSES!!!! We all screamed, it was quite hilarious, so of course we followed them. We entertained them all the way into WI. Ya gotta love a car with a sunroof, even Johnny Gnome went for a wild ride. We only could make out the tops of heads, but I know I saw Syn’s spikey hair. and Alysha saw Shadows head and possibly Jimmy’s. When we exited the interstate they flashed their lights at us, and we honked and their windows were filled with heads lol.

What a fuckin crazy night. I <3 MN.

Milwaukee, WI, March 2nd 2008

The first day.

We got a late start thank the good lord for the cut the line passes. After tearing ass up stairs only to have to wait an hour to get all the way up to the ball room, we ended up about four rows back. Until the crowd got to fuckin insane, the final straw being the elbow to the head I received... I got out.

The J rock bands... all I got out of them was "Sank you Meelwaukeee"

Skipped out on the beginning of Atreyu, me, Kari, and Chels went down to the merch area, I knew Alex wouldn't shirtless at the start anyway... ;)

We ran into Matt Berry, Chels showed him her shirt and got a pic with him. (I made her a shirt with the pic of her punching Shadows, and the back says: I punched M. Shadows and lived to tell) 

Back up to catch the end of Atreyu, pretty good. ( all the bands had shit for sound however)

Avenged had a sweet ass countdown on their video screens, and an amazing opening video that almost brought tears to my eyes. I was all fuckin great, especially the video between the last song and the encore... lmfao. All I can say is five fuckin HOT guys in a whirlpool, and one with no clothes, (nice pixilation Johnny) .

Went out and hung by the busses, met Shads again, but of course as they always do in Milwaukee, they bailed. I TOTALLY missed my Zacky walking by. Said Hi to Johnny, Chels told The Rev he was Rad ass, to which he responded with "No, You're Bad ass." We had to laugh as the guys slipped on the ice, Syn almost fell, but made a save, came over signed some autographs, and apologized profusly for having to leave. He went to get in the car and paused, and said "Who am I getting into a car with? Oh you, yeah I know you." and he got in and they drove away.

So with the guys all being gone, the rest of the fans left, except for us, we still had cookies to deliver to one Mr. Jason Berry. As we were making our plan to find him, the car Syn had left in pulled back up across the street. Syn and Danny got out, and Danny booked it to the bus, with us yelling 'Watch out for the ICE!" Which he very neatly leapt over, thanking us in the process. He ran back, and got in the car, we turned to walk away only to be shocked by a very loud wolf whistle... that came from Synyster Gates himself. I will never forget that. LMAO

Then we headed up front, not wanting to miss Jason, and we found him. We waited patiently, a guy came over and said "Can I help you ladies?" I said "No, we're just waiting for Jason." He asked if we knew him, and I said "We've talked to him before." So the guy went and told Jason, and a few minutes later he came over, said hi to us, and looked at me and said "I remember you." I think I stopped breathing for a minute. We talked a little about Chicago, gave him the cookies we had baked, I asked if anyone was allergic to peanut butter cause I didnt want to kill anyone, and he said no, and that he was the same way...  and we told him that he didnt have to share, and then his friend came over and he showed him the cookies, and said he would share with him, cause he "Sleeps right next to him" there was a pause and was like "ACROSS from me! in the bunk ACROSS from me" and we all laughed. He asked about my scarf, thought maybe I made it, but I told him that I got it at Hot Topic. lol. Chels showed him her shirt, which he loved, and wanted me to make him one, until he realized that she REALLY had punched M., which he thought was just great, and decided that it was too original, and he couldn't copy it. Then he told us the story of how him and M. had become friends... We told him that we were going to MN and Chicago, and he told us that there would be pyro and stuff and he was so excited... It was very fuckin cool talking to him. And he hugged us all and thanked us for the cookies, but had to get back to work...

So we drove around a bit, and came back to wait for the guys, but the busses left so we followed the techie bus until Oconomowoc, and I honked as I exited, and they flashed their lights at us lol.

It was sooooooo much fun!~

 

Can someone please tell me when exzackly I entered the freakin Twilight Zone?

There is so much crap on my mind right now it's about to friggin explode... and I can't go into detail, so I am just going to ramble in this random blog, (that no one reads much anyways) Things like this just don't happen to me....

I don't want to jinx anything that... may be happening?

Not that I would know where to begin...

A lot of it is unfortunatly negative thoughts about myself, my worthyness... I dont know... insecurities, and disbelief are raging.... thats one situation. And I think that sums it up....Oh and being scared to death of all the what ifs going thru my mind....  some of  you will know totally what I'm talking about here... ;)

the other is something that I will prolly only ever discuss with certain people, right now there are two. And its not that my friends won't listen, I know you all care, but right now its just very personal. Ha I have to laugh at that, cause the one person I've been talking to is pretty much a complete stranger. Lets just call it a little introspection, self examination, deep thoughts. A broadening of my horizons.... maybe.

I realize this makes no sense to anyone that may read it, but it helps me at least get the thoughts out of my head a bit. And if you read this, thanks. =)

P.S. dont try to read to much into this, I am not suicidal, and I was only joking about hanging myself with that mic cord last week. I'll be just fine...

of The Confession.

 

Yep thats right people, another one of my favorite bands has announced their break up. I believe they refered to it as "disbanding". ha ha

I fuckin loved this band.

Maybe it was my mistake to tell Taylor that first night I met him that they were going to be my Eighteen Visions replacement band. (I still haven't gotten over that loss, the scar is still bright pink, and tender to the touch, from where 18V removed my heart with out the thoughtfullness of a slight warning)

Maybe it was a mistake to get a band related tattoo. I, however, refuse to ever regret that tattoo.

For the lyrics to the song Requiem, what my tattoo represents, I will be eternally gratefull to The Confession. I'm not certain who wrote those lyrics, but they changed my life. They helped me move on from the sorrow of loss, to the hope that my loved ones will be there when I see the light.

I hope that all the guys go on to even greater things, but it saddens me to see this band, that had such a great start, to come to such an early and untimely end. "They say the good die young..."

One thing I know, is that Taylor Holland Armstrongs voice alone is much to beautiful to not be heard. The others are insanely talented also, I don't want to forget them.

And I will never forget getting nailed in the shoulder by that FULL water bottle, thanks Tay, that freakin hurt dude. lol.

These were some of the nicest guys I've ever met, from Tay telling me secrets about James, and Jeff telling us about them possibly being on Taste of Chaos, and also telling us who was headlining it before the general public knew... I have great memories of you all. Kevin, maybe in your spare time you can practice folding blankets, although it was very entertaining to watch. ;)

I really wish I had caught ya'll on Warped this year... but at least I got to see you twice, and talk to ya a few times... I feel sorry for anyone that missed your shows.

To Taylor, Jeff, Kevin, Justin and Matt, only the best for your futures guys. You are all still very young, I see wonderful things in your future.

"you guys will be branded into our memories forever" Same goes guys. <3

 

Requiem~The Confession

we stand together try to erase
all of the pain that takes his place
we cry out to you with words and vows
they don't amount to what you went through

they say the good they die young
they say the wicked live too long
I hope yer hearin' this in heaven
now that yer gone i hear a song
sung to me ten angels strong
it hurts to leave but at least yer free...

stay in my mind till it's my time
and may you be there when I see the light
something we found on hallowed ground
your memory will never be put down...

they say the good they die young
they say the wicked live too long
I hope yer hearin' this in heaven
now that yer gone i hear a song
sung to me ten angels strong
it hurts to leave but at least yer free...

keep missin you is all I do
speak to me tell me how is the view...
it hurts inside the city cries
god you made a mistake that night...
and I miss you, I miss you tonight and I miss you...(speak to me tell me how is the view)
and I miss you, I miss you tonight, and I miss you...(god you made a mistake that night)
I miss you