So it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas once again. The weather is just as it should be, well maybe a little to cold. It looks as if we will have have a white Christmas after all.

I know it has been a while since I have blogged but I just have not had much to say lately. I kinda got out of my routine. I feel as if I gave up on writting my thoughts due to the fact that I didnt want to face them.

I have to say this year has had its ups and downs,and twists and turns. I have learned alot this year about life and friendship. I have had a few friends drift away, a few come back that I had lost, and some that never fail to amaze me with their friendship. I have learned that without my friends and family I have nothing. I know that guys will come and go but my true friends will be by my side no matter what. Thats the good thing about friends and family they love you even if you are not at your best. They love you even if you gain a little weight, or act a little crazy once in a while. They understand if you are bitchy, and vent on them. They are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. They are there when you have a bad hair day, or are so bloated that you cant fit into your pants. They make you laugh when all you want to do is cry. They stick up for you when someone has hurt your feelings. They don't judge you they advise you. We should all be so lucky to have friends like that in our lives. Of course there are always ones that act like they are your friends, but talk behind your back and say things to hurt you...but you know who they are, because of your true friends that don't. 

I have to say that sometimes it is hard here on myspace for me as I have many close friends and only one number 1 spot, but I hope that my true friends know that they are all number 1 in my heart. I never want any of them to think I have them in any sort of order its just myspace. 

Its getting close to the New Years and I usually don't make New years resolutions but this year I have several...which I will post in another blog after Christmas. 

I hope that all that read this do one thing for me.... Let your friends and family know how much you care for them this Christmas, and I don't mean by buying them gifts I mean by telling them and showing them, by being there for them. Christmas is not all about what you get it's about cherishing what you have had all along. 

Merry Christmas!   

It has been one of those mornings where I can't seem to have one thought alone pop into my head to write about. I am overwhelmed with many things worth writing about yet have trouble focusing on one particular thought. I am sure this happens to me more than the average person, as I spend at least one hour everyday coming up with a topic for my blog. I seem to drift as I finally find a good topic, back to another one I have read up on. I woke up an hour late, as I usually spend two hours on my blog a day. So now I am scrambling on topics and well I am not sure I will get it done. The kids start there home school at 9am so I only have thirty minutes to awe my readers and well I can not focus on a subject. I happen to think that the subject determines the outcome of my blog. My reality being that if I write they will read, but this is not always true, I have learned that some of my topics get read more than others. This is probably true for most bloggers, and I am just stating the obvious in order to fill my empty page with words. I have to say that sometimes I come up with blog topics in my sleep only to find that someone else has written about them already. That I have to say really pisses me off, as for once I was able to write something really good, only to find someone beat me too it. Should I post it anyways? I am sure that it is ok for me too but I feel I will be considered a copy cater is that a word?  Ok it is time for home school, so I must stop all this rambling and get off the computer, maybe tomorrow will be a better day...:

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
Henry Ward Beecher..:

Have you ever sat and wondered if the life you're leading is the life you were supposed to lead? Have you ever thought maybe if I had done this or that I might be in a different place today? Have you ever just let faith lead you?

Although I still have a hard time with acceptance, I am beginning to realize that having faith will eventually bring me what my heart desires. I have lived my life day in and day out questioning why I don't have certain things and why others do. All the time, wanting more, and expecting to get it, instead of just having faith in myself and what I do have.

We have a choice in everything as this quote above suggests we can choose to handle each day with faith or anxiety. I can say that I have chosen to handle a lot of days with anxiety. Most of my readers can remember many times when I questioned being single. I still today have a hard time with the fact that I have been married three times. What does that say about me? If I were to think of this in the terms of "Faith" instead of "Anxiety" I could better grasp the fact that this was meant to be.  

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, I believe that fate plays a big role in our lives and everything as it is now, is as it should be. I sometimes think my need to control everything has led me to not letting faith lead me.

WHO FUCKING DOES THAT?

Florence school employee faces sex-assault charges

Stephanie Bellino

Suspect was working as an attendance clerk and in-school suspension monitor at the middle school.

By TRACY HARMON
THE PUEBLO CHIEFTAIN

"This is our purpose:  to make as meaningful as possible this life that has been bestowed upon us; to live in such a way that we may be proud of ourselves; to act in such a way that some part of us lives on."..:

~ Oswald Spengler

We all probably spend a lot of time trying to figure out why we are here. According to this quote, whatever reason we are here is not the issue but to make our lives as meaningful as possible, be proud of whatever we may become, and in our actions leave a lasting effect on others.

Although I have not accomplished all that much in life, I believe I have accomplished being the three most important things in life.

I am a Mother. I went to college and graduated as a Psych Tech and had a great career, and family life which I lost it all to one accident. This one accident took everything took my pride and left me with a feeling of uselessness. I have to say that was over four years ago and I have come to see that although I do not have a great career, I was left being the most important thing in the world, a mother. I try daily to be the best mother I can be and I am proud of my self for that. Even if I die my memory will live on in my children.

I am a daughter. I try my hardest to make my mother proud of me. A mother's love is unconditional and my mother has proven that over the years as she loves me no matter what.

I am a friend. I really think it is so important to have good friends. I have several and I try my hardest to be the best friend that I can be. Although I feel at times that I do not have enough of me to make sure they are all happy, I continue doing

the best that I can. I believe that a part of me lives in each and every one of them and when I am gone, I will live on in them.

With these three things I can conquer the world everyday. My life is meaningful and  I thank God for this, and I am proud!

What do you think this quote means?

Are you proud of what you have become?

Is your life meaningful?

Would you seek revenge against someone who harmed your child? Would the type of crime have any bearing on your decision?..:

This past Saturday I wrote a blog about whether or not you believed people are basically good. In it I stated that we are all capable of committing murder, or another crime. Today's post directly relates to this, as I am asking if you would actually commit a crime of vengeance in order to retaliate against someone who has harmed your child, and would the type of crime committed against them have any bearing on your decision?

This for me is a hard question as I would have to be in that situation, but hypothetically speaking I am going to say I believe I would be capable of anything if someone hurt my child, and I do not believe that the type of crime would have any bearing on my decision expect the level of anger that it would produce.

I do consider myself a good level headed person, but when it comes to my children I am drawn to protecting them in any manner, and would possibly be capable of all most any crime to achieve this. If my children were starving I would do just about anything to get them food, no matter what the consequences. If my children were ill and the hospital would not treat them I do believe I would be capable of making sure they did whatever necessary to help my child. If someone murdered my child I do believe, without the proper thought, I would be capable of revenge. Does this mean I am a bad person?

What if the person that murdered your child would be put to death? Is that enough revenge or do you think that you would rather take the law into your own hands and seek revenge?

These questions are extremely dependant on your level of rage at that moment. One can not know what they are capable of until they are in that position. I myself am convinced that not one person in the world is so pure as to not be capable of committing a crime.  It all depends on the situation and your mental health at the time of the crime. I am not saying that you have to be mentally ill to be capable of this, but in the event your mental health would be altered.

I am sure that some would disagree with me on this point, but if in that position do you think you would have the time to stop and think about consequences or would you just act?

Do you believe People are Basically Good?

I myself believe that all people are born, and I stress born, basically good. I do not believe that we are born with the intent to be bad, but over our life experiences, and the people we choose to be in contact with determine the outcome of our lives.

Thorough out our lives we come in contact with several factors, that determines results.

Say for example A child raised by adoring parents, who instill their values of goodness and right and wrong early on. The child grows into adulthood basically good. Then meets a gang member and starts to follow the wrong path. This child is still basically good, but now is making the wrong choices, which in turn land him in prison. Another example would be if a child is raised by parents who make the wrong choices. This child was born good but due to his parents choices he is raised to do drugs and commit crimes. While he was born good the environment in which he was raised has determined the outcome of his life.

I do not believe that we set out to become bad I believe that several choices and the environment over a span of time lead us to becoming bad. Do I believe that those people who have murdered people are basically good? Yes I do, they were not always bad just chose to do bad things.

I do believe choices play a role in every aspect in our lives and although we make the wrong choices we are all still basically good people. We are all capable of being bad. We all make mistakes as no one is perfect. I sometimes get mad when people fail to grasp that we are all capable of murder, just as those that have done it. Given a situation of possible murder our choices would determine the outcome. Would you say that if your child was brutally murdered you would not feel the urge to do the same to the person that murdered your child? I would have to say that I would have to be in that situation in order to answer that question. Although I am a basically good person, I have the ability to become bad in that situation depending on my choices.

It has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting my blog, and well I have no excuse but Writters block. I just really had nothing to say or had any real experiences to talk about recently.

 Now the last couple of days well lets just say I had plently to say but had no electric to have the ability to write. Because I failed to pay $21.00 on my electric bill they shut me off, although I did pay $150.00 that wasnt what they wanted so they shut me off, and to get turned back on today I had to pay $340.00 which included a reconnect fee and a deposit. I have to say I was a little pissed and Aquilla electric can bite me as far as I am concerned. It was not that bad without electric, what is nicer than hot pop, no coffee and my kids scaring the shit out of me at bed time. I do suggest each and everyone of you experience it once in a lifetime it will make you appreciate what you do have and not take for granit the little things as I must have for so long. Special thanks to Brenda who brought me enough candles to last till we got power again.

Everything else is just great, homeschool is moving along fine, and besides algebra I am loving being a teacher.

Dave and I are doing good, tonight he is making me dinner, wow huh! Tommorrow night we are going to the Sugarland Concert at the fair so I am really excited. He is a very good man and I am lucky to have him in my life I hope he knows how much I adore him.

Well sonner than later I will be moving to a cheeper house, this house is draining all the extra money I have. I will love to have volunteers to help when the time comes. If I can afford it I will be calling two men and a truck cause you know what moving fucking suxs, but if not I will be once again compelled to call upon my dear friends for help, if you would like to help just call me you know my number.

Ok enough bullshitting for one day I will try and get back to my duties as a blogger, and....have you ever met a bartender who begs for tips........omg WHO FUCKING DOES THAT?

Did you ever think that one day you would wake up to find that you had almost everything that you have wanted and did not even realize it. I had to thank God today as he has giving me the abilty to answer my prayers. He has not just handed me what I asked for, but gave me the tools I need to have what I want. It is in my power to do with this what I choose, and well the choices I make will determine the outcome.

I am a firm believer in the fact that God can not answer our prayers, but only give us the opportunity to answer them ourselves. When we are given this opportunity, we should do anything in our power to make our dreams come true. In the past I have had a lot of opportunities, and missed out on them, as I was totally unaware that, that is exactly what God had planned for me. There is many times in my life that I have asked why me why am I always suffering and others are basking in their glories? Was it because they grasped the whole situation as an answer to there prayers or just that they are the lucky ones? We all go through hard times and well I have to say I have had a slew of them, but somewhere along the way I  missed and opportunity, to alter the outcome.

I believe in Fate and that everything happens for a reason, so in saying that I can not regret any choices that I have made, as I would not be on this road in my life, and I would not have experienced all that God has wanted me to. Everything that happens is only to make us stronger for the next time, or so I have been told. Life is full of up's and downs, twists and turns, leading us too the place where we are destined to be, and to the people we are destined to have in our lives. So even if you have made a wrong turn eventually you will end up right where you belong in the end. I have stopped asking God why and started asking him whats next?

The road I have traveled has been hard, but if not for my journey would I be sitting here today thanking God for giving me the opportunity to share my life with three beautiful kids, my mother, some of the bestest friends a person could ask for, Toni,Lori, Brenda, Malissa, Mark, Wendy to name a few, and my boyfriend David who is teaching me how to love again. 

God Bless the broken road that has lead me to all of you!

That concludes My thoughts for today! 

Friday already? Wow this week has just flown by! I have been out with Dave all week except for Wednesday. He is making me so happy. I am totally not used to the attention I receive from him. My whole life is beginning to change right before my eyes and I am hoping that I can make the transition. Last night he took me to meet his sister and her family and we played marbles. Oh the family life it was so nice to sit there and here all the stories that one tell when couples get together. I had missed it We talked for hours and played the game which we one 2 out of three so I was very pleased since I have never played before. It was 12 am when we realized I had to get home. Not that I would turn into a pumpkin even if I feel like Cinderella, but because I had to get up at 7 this morning to get the get to South for community service.

I am really scared right now as he told me that he was all mine and he never wants to lose me. Wow we just met but I feel the same way. Even if it will be a big change for me I know I can do this. Things like this happen for a reason. I was planning on moving maybe back to Walsenburg where it is cheaper and then out of the blue I meet him and all that is far from my mind. I know I have not been the most patient person in the world, being single for so long, I must of ask God a thousand times to bring me a good man, and then he sent me Dave. So far I don't think I could have found a better more gentle person. He is very attentive to me and well I guess I am going to keep him.

Life is so strange sometimes. I wonder if I am going to be a good girlfriend to him. I have to change a lot and I am working on that. I hope that my friends understand that I can not spend the time with them as I did before. I know that if they are true friends they will understand as that is what friends are for. I will not though give up my friends as I have in the past for a man. There is plenty of time to share myself with everyone I hope. I just don't want to let anyone down.

I feel very lucky right now and I don't mean to brag, I am just happy for the first time in a long time. I am in a Relationship Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am really glad that he loves kids he has already offered to let my boys drive his race car. This to me is very scary but he is will to teach them. The kids seem happy for me, although I know Damien is scared I will get hurt so he still has his guard up. I have let it down, so far I see no signs that this will not work out. Everything happens for a reason and everything is as it should be that's my motto and I am sticking to it.

Tomorrow he is taking me to the pits where I get to watch him race, I am really excited.

That concludes my Thoughts for today!