I'm pulling up old posts here, commenting on them if I feel like it; explaining stuff sometimes, or just remembering.
Have fun :)
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christmas eve finds me pondering the last few years of my life, wondering and wandering down the trails and trials that have marked and made my life what it has become. peppered with obstacles and riddled with pain; my journey has been far from easy. and i can sit here and tell you with all honesty that the one thing, the one voice, the one way this is all found in truth to be what we have is by God. the one thing, if you will, that i could never let go of only because he refused to let go of me. even with my naive assumptions of pretentious, meritous deeds that i would (imagine myself saying i would -- with the abilities of one who can only convince himself of what he cannot) do, when they inevitably failed he cared as much as if i had merely stood still. and he grasped me by the hand and led me forward where the wind could merely buffet and not kill, and the tempestuous rain could fall, yet not chill to the ice that would freeze the blood of the strongest man. and so i was saved from far worse, healed through the agony. and even now i am being made whole again. for that i owe him all. he is always near. so do not mistake him when he calls to you. do not think yourself alone when you cry yourself to sleep. the God who brought sight to the blind and formed the very universe can still weep with the fallen. and so i tell you that all is not lost. the broken shall be made perfect. that which was held dead will rise again. God reigns; God reigns and none other. he will not fail -- he cannot. he will not abandon those who call on him. there is always renewal. there is always hope.
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this was written from the perspective of someone without the hope of a relationship with a Savior to pull him from his broken relationship. odd how familiar it can be if don't allow a relationship and friendship with Christ to pick us up an carry us through to the end of our difficulties.
sleepinging alone
one more night
only pain can make you real
sitting beside you in my mind
one last time
but you walk away and leave me
to fight the rain
always alone
but never forgetting
left without a choice
my heart bleeds the hours away
intentions not what they seemed
i can't see you're crying too
but i feel it just the same
even though you'll never know
and now
passion spent
words of broken remorse
falling silently in the darkness
i'll leave my love
in the dust with the blood
from a heart that was crushed by your lies and betrayal
is this what you wanted?
it no longer means
actions
forever lost to the skies
tomorrow ends before it began
our eyes slowly open
a single tear to shatter the world
a single tear to shatter the world
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one night when I was praying for a friend, God told me He had "bound the ends". I had no idea what it meant until i saw her life unfolding before me, and realized God had promised to carry her through until the darkness was past, and He knew how it would end. so i wrote this in class a few days later. not great, not good at all really, but i somehow like that it is imperfect.
Darkness hides the fear inside
Wind rustles the leaves along the midnight road
Screams of the undead echo around
Bringing memories of the loss still so close
The cord of time and love sliced in half
Pain flows like blood from the sharpened knife
Frayed edges hang like Death
But I heard Him tell you He has bound the ends
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this was written when i was dealing with the pain and difficulties of life in ways i had never before experienced, and it was all i could do to hold on to the coat tails of God and feel like i was being dragged headfirst through the worst life has to offer. it deals with giving in to temptation and living a life of sin and crawling back to Christ to let him redeem us.
Held within the grasp of fate
Lost inside this darkened state
Choices made, reasoned mind
We thought we knew the truth this time
Face the lies, take the blame
You are the one who made this game
Beyond the edge of reasoned light
You fell from grace into the night
Whores and lovers, saints and fools
Half-lived morals bend the rules
No wrong or right, just good intention
Hard lines and bright eyes lost to mention
All fall apart like broken pride
Yet with sunrise, surrender, renewed we rise
It's me, it's you, it's everyone who has fallen and been trampled to pieces by life. Everyone who has ever given themselves away and woken up one day to find that they've got nothing left. That they're not who they were, and they don't know how they got this way.
...It's never been easy for me to trust anyone, and when people continually lie to me and break the trust I worked so hard to give to them it makes it even more difficult. God knows the effort it takes me to trust anyone for anything. And being let down so often makes it hard to even trust God sometimes, because I wonder why he should be any different than many of my friends. But then I remember that He's never let me down before, even when I've cussed him out for letting something happen that I didn't understand and thought I couldn't take. He's always pulled me through. So he is the one in whom I place my trust.
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i'm finally tired. bedtime. yay/// ;)