http://blip.fm/~5ini7

Party girls growing older.

Different stages of time.
Worry lines starting in,
and most of her friends don't work now.
but the dayjob pays good and the place is okay.
Waiting for more. Just starting to need it.

Hoping...

He looked at the clock on the
wall above the bar and said,
Fuck it, close enuf to midnite...

He said to Melinda,
the one whore
[I'm sorry, sweety, dance hall girl]
that still hung around him back in the shadows,
I don't know what I miss more
the whiskey or the women...

She said,
Well, one of em you can still have.

He said, Nah, it's just like the whiskey,
When the headin down days
start to outrun the
livin it up nites...

Time to hang it up for a spell...

Don't get me wrong.

I like alone,
I even enjoy alone, after most of my adult years
having a companion or lots of people around.
Alone can be refreshing, free-ing,
time spent finding out what you missed
along the way...
Everybody knows what's missing, tho.
Fill in your own blanks...
And no, I don't just mean That...
Any number of things you live without
when you're alone.
But, hey, there's people living without everywhere.

So,
Don't get me wrong...

So I told her I went to the doctor today
and had to give a blood and urine sample...
After they ripped the blood out of my arm,
the little filipino nurse gave me the usual dixie cup
with a testtube in it...

I had fasted and hadn't had any coffee,
so I fumbled and bumbled around for a minute or two
figuring things out.
Had a drink of water from the cup and then spent the
next ten minutes trying to fill the little
tube right up to the red line...
Made quite a mess...

She said, You're supposed to go in the cup
and then use it to get It in the tube...
Wow, I said, maybe that's why the nurse
looked at me funny when I gave her back the cup...

I said, Wanna hold hands and fool around....

She said, I don't think so....
 
Maybe manana, Stinky....

1- I have enjoyed often the singular sensation
of a head full of narcotics.
2-I have experienced the days and nights
of the bike-hitting-a-brick-wall feeling
attempting to stop doing narcotics.
3-I was a very good trumpet player a
long time ago.
4- I was driving a cab when Harry's song Taxi came out
and would sing it really loud often.It's still the only
song I know most of the words.
5- I have a bunny... Wanna see it?
6-I crossed the country five times hitchhiking.
7-I never liked drinking much, although I spent most of my life doing it,
 unless it was an afternoon at a good bar.
Otherwise, it was just medication.
8-I'm approaching being old, but still feel
like a kid most of the time;I mean, emotionally
and societal-confusion-wise.
9-I read alot, voraciously, large chunks in a single bite.
10-I have worked for a corporation for eight years
and have not been molded into shape... yet...
11-I still smoke. Alot. Forty years.
12-I have been sober of drugs and likker for 21 months.
13-I lost 115 pounds and have found 12 of it this winter.
14-I love Broadway music.
15-This is like naked show and tell. It's like most of my writing.
16-Just seeing if you're still reading.
17-Do you have anything you want to say now?
18-Parts of my life have been like a Jerry Springer show.
19-I no longer go anywhere but to work and the necessary
household items. It troubles me, but I don't mind being alone
and I enjoy what I do and I have spent quite a bit of time
out of the house.
20-I only went to college for six months. In Indiana, late sixties.
They didn't like me; gave me eight hours to get out, in a snowstorm.
Really.
21-Have found myself caught between the moon and New York City
wondering which way to go.
22-As a father I fostered discipline and I granted liberties.
When I wasn't medicated, I was okay... I guess.
23-I tremble occasionally like I'm old.
24-  I like swimming, outdoor activities,
pray for world peace and hope you elect Me Miss America.
25-I have been coerced into snuggling.

Things to remember, things to forget
May be what's left of it now.
Days by the river, ice bound and blue
A basket, a bottle, moments with you.
Sounded so simple, and wasn't it cold?
Fresh-faced, looking ahead.
If we could've jumped forward
Looked back at today
Would we find us alone in our beds?

With your head on my shoulder
Your hand on my back
I could almost dare to dream.
Plans that we made
At the end of those days
Words that we truly did mean.
It's only too late,
When we bring down the gate,
Lock up, turn out the lights.
There's a path not yet walked
For one, maybe both
Where the past and future are right.

[So many miles between then and now
And more between us and romance
But, Hell, here we are
It's the wee, small hours
There's always time for a slow dance...]

It's nearly a year since I last saw your face
These days I'm just learning to walk
So much to offer, so little to give
But we're dancing, no time to talk.
With your head on my shoulder
Your hand on my back
I could almost dare to dream
Plans that we made
At the end of those days
Words that we truly did mean


It's snowing tonight, I can picture the lights
On the mountain from your back porch
Hard to tell, I was under your spell
I always carried the torch.
Some of my edges, cleaned and smooth
Some rough as ever I fear.
It's late in the game, there's no one to blame
What doesn't bring a laugh, brings a tear.


[So many miles between then and now
And more between us and romance
But, Hell, here we are
It's the wee, small hours
There's always time for a slow dance...]

Well, here we are
It's the wee, small hours
and
There's always time for a slow dance...

Hank Beukema - 2009

Jesse Beukema would have been 35 today...
I can only imagine, my boyo, I can only imagine...
He's been gone almost as long as he lived...
Forever 18...