A Leader, A Legacy.
James was 19 the day the kangaroos came, and try as he must, he couldn't defend against the horrible bouncing and howling of the kangaroo chiefton, or Kip as he was called by his peers, the few kangaroos that stayed close enough to really know him, they, "the chosen" as they were called, knew that the chiefton that had led them out of the darkness of the three fold land (or, australia as the two legs called it) was not the kind hearted benevolent kangaroo everyone thought he was, he was in fact a beaver, disguised as a kangaroo, though they feared Kip's wrath, they knew that he should be overthrown before he destroyed the whole kangaroo race
The kangaroos devised a plan to overthrow the Great and Powerful Kip though they feared that they would be at a loss to concoct a plan great enough. Finally, after hours of brainstorming and slurping slushies, the kangaroo named Omka decided that they must beat Kip over the head with a blunt object. Unable to come up with anything else, the Roos went in search of an object blunt enough to provide them with the dead beaver they so desired.
Learning of the plan devised by Omka, Kip and the surviving 1000 Chosen swiftly took to the catacombs under the great Kangaroo capital of Tiger (named after the valient tiger who helped the Lords of the Kangaroos, Lord Kanga, and Lord Roo in their search for honey with the Great God Himself Pooh), and through the genius of Kip, they were able to pass a bill saying that all Blunt Objects must be destroyed, or else made sharp
Learning of this new bill, the followers of Omka became infuriated and decided to sacrifice him as an offering of peace towards Kip. As Omka burned like an ant on a hot summer day, Kip decided that he would spare the kangaroo and take them under as slaves. Shocked and slightly embarressed at the fault of their plan, the kangaroos regained their composure and started a full-out riot. The war had began.
Kip, now with power no beaver had dreamed of finally revealed himself in all his glory to the kangaroo nation. Although the kangaroos had known something was wrong with their former leader, they never expected him to be of the species most hated by the kangaroos, and even worse (to them that is) were the Chosen, the ones who followed Kip, for they knew he was a beaver and still they followed him, killed for him, even made him the ham sandwiches that made him so powerful. The Kangaroos formed a clan, called The Clan of Truth, devised to track down and kill the Chosen, or as they called them the Forsaken
Three years after the war had began, Kip was still as strong as ever. Left with over 867 of the Chosen still alive, the Kangaroo's were at a loss to find a way to defeat them. And then it happened. Something quick and unexpected. Something that would turn the tables of the war. Kip was struck with a bad case of the Chicken Pox. Unable to lead the armies into battle, the Chosen started to lose more of the soldiers. The Kangaroos, now lead by the powerful warrior Footlocker, saw a glimpse of hope.
Now everyone knows how unexpected and deadly chicken pox can be, so naturally Kip recovered after a few months, but although the Chosen had their leader back, their morale was low and the momentum of the war had swung to the favor of the Kangaroos. Now down to only 483 of his Chosen, Kip was forced to retreat to the dead city of Oncanmar, and into its dreaded Neverending Towers, here would be where he would make his final stand.
After the retreat into the castle, 182 of the Chosen were struck with Chicken Pox and died, leaving Kip with the unlucky number of 301 Chosen. The Kangaroo army marched forward into the city, firing fireballs at will. As the battle heated on, Kip saw that he was fighting a pointless battle, and remembered of the battle known as the Alamo by the two legged. Even though he thought Davy Crocket was the man, he chose a different fate.
The Battle Rages on, The Clan of Truth has now infiltrated the Neverending Towers of Oncanmar, and Kip and his 102 remaining Chosen have locked themselves behind the last door in the Tower, before it leads into nothingness, in the quite before the Clan of Truth reaches the door Kip lifts his head, looking directly into the eyes of his Chosen, the ones who had been with him since the beggining, and in a deep voice that fills the room says "My Children, who are these Kangaroos who think that they can defile our pride, and spit on our honor? Do we not have the strength to carry out our mission here on earth?, now i truely tell you, there may come a day when our strength fails, when we can no longer try to bring peace to the earth, when the kangaroos run a world so tyranical that Stalin would scream, but today is not that day, today i ask you, take up your weapons my brothers and sisters, take up your weapons and fight with me, take up your weapons and die with me." As the last word leaves their Leaders lips, the sound of many footsteps is heard outside the door
With a sudden burst, the doors flew open. The two armies clashed! As the 300 soldiers filled into this tiny 150x150 ft. room, they all of a suden stopped and decided to take the battle outside. Deciding to seize the opportunity, Kip leaped upon Footlocker, cutting his head off with one clean swipe. The Kangaroo army froze in terror. Kip had done the unspeakable. And just as quickly as the army froze, they attacked the Chosen leader.
Kip, though had once again outsmarted the kangaroos, while they closed in around him, it left their flanks completely unprotected. The remaining 73 chosen maimed, killed and otherwise ripped apart the kangaroos to get to their leader, who fought desparetly on, then suddenly there was Adhon herself, the beautiful warrior chipmonk and now Lord of the Kangaroos because of the death of Footlocker, calling for everyone to stand back, Adhon declared that the outcome of the battle would be decided then and there, with a duel between herself and the still mighty Beaver King
The armies made a circle pit for the two warriors and starting making bets on who would win. The two each chose their weapons. Adhon took up numchucks made of bananas. Kip decided to use an M-16. The battle was quick. As Adhon leaped upon Kip, Kip smacked her with the back of his gun. He then took a bullet a threw it at her. The bullet flew at such speed that she was instantly killed.
The Kangaroos backed off, stunned, the Battle of Oncanmar had reduced their numbers from 490 to 16, both of their leaders, the Footlocker the Brave and Adhon the beautiful had fallen to Kip, The Beaver King. Quickly they came to the conclusion that they could either fight and die against the might of the 57 Chosen still alive, or beg Kip's mercy
But luck had sprung upon those 16 kangaroos, for all the comotion that the battle had provided, the roof was not so stable. It tumbled upon the 57 Chosen, killing them, leaving Kip by himself. The Kangaroos thought to themselves that they would be able to defeat Kip at this weakened state. Kip also thought that he could take them. But to the disgust of both, they were all wrong. Koala, the Gorilla King, entered the tower and halted the fighting.
Although many in the Three Fold Land thought that Oncanmar was a deserted and dead city, the gorillas had occupied the city during the time of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, but they dug underground, seeing that the other gorillas had died out taking to the trees. Koala was just a young gorilla then, not even a Silverback, when they first occupied the broken city, which was still occupied by bandits, kangaroo bandits. One night when young Koala was sleeping the bandits broke into his home, killing his mother and father, then the King and Queen of the Gorillas but leaving the young Koala to watch, before leaving back into the night from which they came. Koala swore an oath on his parents dead bodies that he would one day avenge their death.
Koala entered the battle circle with speed. He pimp slapped the 16 kangaroos, killing them all, for, of course, no one can survive a gorilla pimp slap. And he then stood there staring at Kip. They stood for nearly 2 hours. Just as Kip started to dose off, Koala said his first words: "You, killer of kangaroos, will be taken to the secret, underground city of Spamalam, where you will be honored for your deeds. We will then break your foot in 12 different place, the highest honor among us gorillas."
As they were leaving the battle field Koala suddenly fell over, the heart problem he had since he was a young monkey finally caught up with him. The Gorilla Nation sensing the death of their Great Leader quickly came to the spot where Kip was standing in shock next to the great warriors body, as one they surged forward. Kip, now looked up, and seeing inevitable death coming at him, he searched around for something useful that might save him, there lying on the ground was a spoon, he quickly grasped the spoon and muttered the ancient words that ignited the spoons awesome power, which instantly vaporized all the gorillas, and Kip went back home.
The End?
The Sequel
James was now 25, six years after the horrible incident which led to the death of his parents and the narrow escape James made through the garbage shoot, which led him to the mythical city of Versong, where he had lived the past 6 years in relative peace, until one day there came a knock on the front door, and when James answered he found none other than Kip, the Lord of the Kangaroos.
James screamed like a little girl and disappeared from the story. Kip made his was across the living room and into the magic portal that lay in James' underwear drawer. Kip entered the relm of of the evil hard boiled eggs. Knowing that he was in danger, Kip took some acid and called for a taxi.
the acid, although quite pleasant made him think the taxi's money meter was the time, so when he got out of the taxi he was startled to see that the Great Egg fountain of Carmoul was still clouded over by the dreaded poisonous air of the Eggs horrible smell
After careful consideration, Kip decided to panic. He ran around screaming, "I am not allergic to mayonase!" Quite crazy, yes. When, all of a sudden, Phil, the Three-Eyed Hippopotamus appeared. Peril was near for one of the two.
Phil, called the three eyed hippopotamus because of his emormus penis, he used as a sword against his foes. Luckily for Kip, Phil had heard of his exploits in the Three Fold Land, and was an avid fan of the Lord of the Kangaroos, they quickly formed a friendship that would enspire songs (the least of which was "That Hippo loves his Beaver", by the rock group My Mother Was A Hampster) . But the two friends were both in fact in peril, as Something Big and Shadowy followed them.
Something Big and Shadowy was in fact the name of the big and shadowy creature that followed them. He was Canadian if that explains anything. SB&S snuck up behind Phil and sliced off his ear, killing him instandlly. Then, he turned his attention towards Kip. Kip disliked soy sauce.
Kip, now was in grave danger, his best friend had been vanquished, and he was facing the second most feared creature on the planet, Kip's instincts took over, for almost fifteen years he had lead the Great Kangaroo nation, and his great capacity of dissembling was perhaps his greatest gift, and he was able to hide in the bushes before Something Big and Shadowy found him, he then qucikly left to the Holy village of Augson to form an army to combat the forces of darkness
Kip rounded up what would later be known as the Forces of Kevil. When he reached the lucky number of 203, Kip took his troops to the Cave of Plunders, where Something Big and Shadowy lived. They entered the cave, not even wipping their feet on the door mat. Phil, the Jazzersizing Frog, (note that the name of Phil is complete coinsidence to the hippo who perished earlier), a guard in the cave who was under hypnosis soon stopped them. Phil was put out of the trance by Kip's magic pinky. Kip and Phil joined forces to fight the darkness ahead.
As they entered the grave and lonley depths of the Cave of Plunders they came across their first obsticale, it was a beaver lying on the cold damp floor, the beavers name was Hank, the long lost brother of Kip, who had been declard dead 14 years ago. Seeing his brother, Kip let out a cry of joy, but that joy turned into horror as he saw that Hank was bleeding out of his right nipple, and his attacker was hanging from the ceilning, hanging yes... because it was the dreaded Jack the Lemur from Hell
Jack leaped through the air towards Kip and Phil. Phil, being a quick reacter, called for some backup. Suddenly, the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles appeared in the cave. Jack double-backflipped back as fast as he could back into the cave. Phil pushed a button on his watch & the Rangers and Turtles disappeared. Kip ran over to his brother. Hank was in severe danger. If he wan't rushed to a hospital soon, he would die from lack of nipple blood.
Unfortunatly for Hank, the nearest hospital was 3292 miles away in the city of Jidsburg, so he died. Kip, although deeply saddened and hurt at the loss of his older brother, soon saw that Jack had not retreated was coming down opun him and his 203 Forces of Kevil had no idea what was going on. Kip also knew that since Phil had already used the powers of the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, that he had only one thing to turn too, and reaching into his pocket, he found it. The Spoon.
Kip, realizing that the author of the last sentance in the previous paragraph made a gramatical error with "too", slapped him in the face. Then, he lifted his spoon to Jack. But unfortunatly for Kip, Jack also had a spoon, but his spoon was a magic talking spoon by the name of Bert, so he automatically won. Bert killed Phil with one slick move. But, then something happened that no one had ever thought would happen. That's right, Kip saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by killing a gecko. Also, Kip used the spell "Lumos" to cast light upon Jack, who of course would die at sunlight, because Jack was obviouslly a vampire lemur.
Once again, Kip was outsmarted by the Lemur from Hell, who had put on sunglasses and was protected from the glare of the spell. Jack decended on Kip, with Bert in hand. Saddended not only by the loss of his brother, but also because his two Phils had now been killed, Kip gave away to the forces within himelf he had only done once before, once again muttering the magic words "allllriiighty then", to his spoon, he sent a blast that had killed the whole gorilla nation in the Tree Fold Land, once again he thought he had destroyed the dreaded Lemur, but once again he was wrong
Actually, Jack had been killed, Kip was wrong there, but Bert lived on, yet he lay there, playing dead. Kip, unaware of this, moved on deeper into the cave. Then, finally, the group reached the Cavern of Lost Ketchup. Here, Something Big and Shadowy stood waiting for them. In his hand, he held the most powerful spoon known to man, the deadly spoon Shaniqua. Kip stood stunned. And from behind, Bert destroyed the Forces of Kevil, seeing as the were just paper people, not much effort went into this anialation. So it was Kip and his spoon versus Something Big and Shadowy with Shaniqua and Bert.
Kip, the hero of the battle of the Neverending Towers of Oncanmar, was in no way a pussy, he knew he courted death today, and he welcomed the danger, welcomed the potiental death. Kip was no fool, throwing back his cloak, he revealed an array of weapons, the most dangerous and valuable from the Three Fold Land, including the Black Mini Sharpie, the knife Wilbur used to kill himself, a Tatu CD, and the tremendous force of A World Lit Only By Fire, used to melt brains everywhere
Afraid of having to write an essay on Magellan, Something BIG and Shadowy retreated to fight in the third epic of the triligy. Kip, feeling accomplished, did the Dance of Joy for three moons.
The End?
The Final Sunset
On James 26th birthday he received a puppy, the puppy was a small brown and white dog with black spots around his eyes, he named the dog Fluffy, in honor of his Grandma Fluffy who had recently passed away. Still in the dreaded Cave of Plunders, Kip was tired after dancing for so long, when he found a nice niche in the wall and curled up to sleep
But there was a secret about this cave that Kip was unaware of. If one didn't say the magic words, which are entirely secret and would kill you if you heard them, the cave would explode and erupt in flames. And just as luck would have it, Kip was outside taking a piss when the cave blew. Everyone who was in the cave, the inhabitants that is, died, except for Wally the Weezing Walrus, who loved to ponder.
Something Big and Shadowy also escaped the explosion, he was actually in the French Alps at the time enjoying the hot tub after a great day of hiking, skiing and rock climbing. He looked up, and into the eyes of the only thing he feared on the earth, the most dangerous creature ever, yes... even more dangerous than Polly the Pink Penguin. After receiving his orders he dried off, got out to the hot tub and set off to work.
As Something Big and Shadowy left the Alps, Kip and Wally made there way to the small Dutch village of Shorkshire, Pennsylvania. When they arrived, they checked into the Holiday Inn under the aliases Ted and Bill. After checking in, they decided to go to the bar to hear the piano man play. As they sat down Kip noticed a shadowy figure in the corner. He was wearing a trenchcoat and seemed to have something that resembled a saw in his pocket.
Kip (Bill) and Wally (Ted) came in and sat at the bar, Kip ordered a burrito and Wally ordered himself a banana, which he immediately began sharpening it. The shadowy figure in the corner shifted slowly to a more comfortable position, he was well aware of the danger he was in now, Kip still had the black mini sharpie and the burrito, Wally it seemed was trained in the arts of the Samurai Banana, combined that was three of the most powerful weapons of all time, but the shadowy figure had secrets of his own. Taking off his trench coat, Polly the Pink Penguin pulled out what he was hiding under his coat... Demetrius, the twin spoon of Shaniqua and therefore almost as powerful. He moved towards the bar.
Kip knew that Wally was no match for Polly, therefore he told him to stay put and order a glass of punch. As Kip and Polly stood there, ten feet nine inches away from each other, the crowd circled around them. They knew what was coming. They could see it in the warriors' eyes. Polly stepped up, and the dance-off began.
Polly went first (naturally, no one wants to anger a penguin), walking out onto the platform that had been hastily set up he did a complex disco move, rotating his hips then jumping into the air, ending in a split. Kip, no amateur in the arts of disco did a perfect, and I mean perfect version of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, and was disqualified for copying the Master. Kip, returned to his seat at the bar stunned and amazed that he was finally defeated at the arts of disco.
But lucky for Kip, Chuck Norris was a judge, and he gave the thumbs up, making Kip the winner. Angered Polly lept towards Chuck Norris. Kip dropkicked Polly right before he hit Chuck Norris with his spoon. Chuck Norris was forever grateful. Kip pulled out his burrito and mini sharpie, but Polly indeed had a spoon. And they fought. Naturally, Polly having the most powerful weapon in the world and himself being the fifth most powerful weapon, he knocked Kip to the ground. And right as he was about to strike, Wally hit him with the Samurai Banana, saving Kip just like Chuck Norris had been saved. Polly lay there, stunned, as Kip and Wally pulled an Elvis.
Wally and Kip left the bar as the piano man finished playing "Fired" by Ben Folds, they moved across the street to a Starbucks where they awaited the third member of their party. Polly got up after being paralyzed and moved back into the shadows, where he met up with Something Big and Shadowy, who had been watching from the corner and they followed Chuck Norris out the back to take out the one person who would have held enough weight with the judges to give the dance off victory to Kip, but found him already killed.
The body they found was actually Chuck Borris, because Chuck Norris can’t die. As Kip and Wally awaited, the third member of the party arrived. His name was unknown to all, but his previous owner just called him My Monkey Has a Chainsaw. For the sake of sanity, that’s what we shall call him. As always, he carried the chainsaw with pride, showing all how many he had slain with the little sign that said I killed so and so amount of people. As the trio walked off, Polly and Something Big and Shadowy followed, in the secret Oscar Mayer Weener Mobile.
Unknown to the warriors, another monkey followed on the rooftops, deadly, quiet and horney, this monkey was known throughout the world for his sexual exploits, his mad samurai skills and his skills at being the get away driver in heists. The monkeys name was Bill, yes Bill the Sexual Monkey, he was following by air (well kinda), and following by sea (well, the sewer system) was none other than the dreaded Nigel The Humping Turtle. Kip, Wally and The Monkey Has a Chainsaw led the way to the sacred battle grounds in South Dakota.
As they arrived at the Mansion of Unutterable Dooms, and knocked on the door, a peacock opened the door. This French Peacock was named Pierre Biatche, and was one of the greatest cage fighters of all time. He proclaimed that he would let them in, only if he could beat them in a cage wrestling match. Kip accepted the challenge and dawned his wrestling mask, as he stepped into the ring to fight Pierre, a.k.a. Mr. Birdy.
Now, everyone knew Mr. Birdy was an accomplished cage fighter, but he was also clinically insane, so when he came out onto the cage, his mask was on backwards and his wrestling shorts were on his left wing rendering it useless. Kip, who was forced to leave his weapons for they were illegal in a cage match, still fought with a passion unmatched (except in the legendary story, The Passion of the Pea), and was able to knock out Mr. Birdy, therefore gaining entrance to the most sacred Mansion of Unutterable Dooms.
They soon entered the Chamber of Pecrets, where they found the Goblet of Tires. This goblet was the most powerful goblet in the world, and would fix any flat tire. Here, Kip, Wally, and My Monkey Has a Chainsaw met up with their second fighter Poog the Great. He spoke with darkness in his voice that would frighten a brave porcupine.
Therefore it was a good thing that none of the said warriors were porcupines, Poog the Great waited until the group was almost past, and then he attacked My Monkey Has a Chainsaw, but as great as Poog was, he was no match for a chainsaw, and was quickly sawed in half. Following stealthily as only a Penguin and Something Big and Shadowy could, Polly and Something Big and Shadowy watched My Monkey has a Chainsaw cut Poog the Great in half, Something Big and Shadowy then gave Polly the five dollars he lost on their bet. And still Bill follows.
But there was more to Poog the Great than they thought, for he was a Phantom. He put his body back together and swiftly attacked. My Monkey Has a Chainsaw was hit so hard he was knocked unconscious and Kip was trapped inside of a force field. Just as Polly was about to give back the money, Wally weezed on Poog, coincidentally, the only thing that would kill him. Poog was vaporized and Something Big and Shadowy cursed loudly, but the trio did not hear. Bill sat in the rafters, becoming turned on from what he was seeing.
Unfortunately Kip was still trapped in the force field, as soon as the companions were about to give up hope he used his Inspiration Radiation to break out, most beavers would have been weakened beyond movement from that much Inspiration, but Kip was no average beaver. After seeing Kip break out, Bill descended from the rafters, and immediately looked around for My Monkey Has a Chainsaw, who had been revived by the backlash of the Inspiration Radiation, My Monkey has a Chainsaw met Bills stare, and what ensued was the most epic staring contest ever.
Twelve hours and forty seven minutes later, Bill won the contest and introduced himself to the everyone, except for Kip. They looked at each other. "I forgive you," said Bill. Kip angrily looked at him and the two got in a heated argument over how Bill had stolen Kips string cheese and how they had never talked to each other again because of it. But suddenly, they put there differences aside, because the room they had just entered was the third room, the Room of Rooms.
Now, the Room of Rooms had no great warrior to protect it, perhaps this was luck, or a sign of better things to come, but Kip had begun to suspect that they were being followed, and he knew one of their members was more that likely a traitor, looking around the room he saw Something Big and Shadowy enter the room, Something Big and Shadowy would have gotten away, but he was too big, and too shadowy to get away. "Ambush!!" Kip yelled, reaching for his weapons, but to his utter dismay, he found that he still had his wrestling shorts on, and he had left his weapons back at the entrance to the Mansion of Unutterable Dooms, and with a traitor in their midst, he felt defenseless.
The two groups of fighters formed two lines. All of a sudden, Jeff Probes, the host of Survivor appeared. "Tonight we will vote on who we think is the traitor," announced Jeff. One at a time, the warriors walked up to the tiki hut and showed the viewers at home who they thought it was. When they were all finished, he read out the results. Wally was the one that had the most votes, so he got his tiki torch burnt out and he joined the evil side, now having an evil red glow in his left eye.
Now the sides were almost evenly matched, the weaker side was Kips though, with the loss of Wally, they lost the only retarded person in their group. Kip's side consisted of an almost defenseless Kip, Bill the Sexual Monkey, and My Monkey has a Chainsaw, against Something Big and Shadowy, Polly the Pink Penguin, and Wally the Weezing Walrus. Kip looked around, and picking up the most dangerous weapon he signaled the charge.
The spoon he had found on the floor's name was Janis, and was nowhere near as powerful as the spoons he was facing at the moment. Then, in a flash of light, one of the most feared and powerful warriors appeared. His name was Nigel. Nigel the Humping Turtle. With a snap of his fingers, Wally tripped on a sausage link and died of shock. Taken back by the sight of his old foe, Something Big and Shadowy planned his next move.
His move was not at all difficult to accomplish, he took out his magical whistle and blew, the Room of Room's lights went out, and a portal appeared, walking into the battle field came the most feared and dangerous creature ever to walk on any World, it was none other than... Fluffy. He let his slave James lead him onto the battle ground, and then dismissed the poor young man to a corner to wallow in his own feces, then he turned to Something Big and Shadowy and said, "You did well my son, but Nigel is an old friend of mine, I will deal with him personally". So it came to be, that the most powerful warrior ever, Fluffy, the Destroyer of Worlds and Nigel faced off.
The two leaped into the air and performed faults greater than any had ever seen in their life. Each time that they met each other in the air, lightning struck a poor boy named Mitchell in Boston. The power the two exerted was phenomenal. Nigel used his super hump attack while Fluffy used the incredible fireball of cheese maneuver. While the two fought, Kip, Something Big and Shadowy, and the others sat, watched, and shared popcorn.
While the others were watching the battle Kip went quickly to the entrance to the Mansion of Unutterable Dooms and retrieved his weapons, he came back and ate some more popcorn. No one had noticed his departure. Nigel, as powerful of a warrior that he was, was no match for the deadly puppy, who quickly knocked him out of the air with a powerful shock wave of cow feces. Nigel was wounded beyond help, and as he lay on the ground, dying a bright light appeared and when the valiant warriors could see again neither Nigel or Fluffy were on the battle field, Polly came up with the assumption that God had taken them both to his heavenly kingdom, but when they turned around they saw none other than Kip, Lord of the Kangaroos, Victor of the Battle of The Neverending Towers of Oncanmar, who now not only had Shaniqua, but its twin Demetrius, who had combined the forces of the two spoons to send the two great warriors to Antarctica, where they lived out the rest of their days in peace, with Eskimos.
Kip stood there valiantly, gazing upon his enemies: Something Big and Shadowy, who was in battle position with a spork, and Polly, who had indeed wet himself. With such power, Kip used the spoons and demolished, not destroyed, but demolished, Something Big and Shadowy. He looked at Polly, who was signing a peace treaty that seemed to appear out of thin bears. Kip decided that he would put Polly's life upon a game of Connect Four. The two went at it. Then, Kip said, "I win." "What!" replied Polly. "Where?" "There, diagonal," said Kip. And Kip threw one of the checkers in the air and hit it with the spoon, as if playing baseball, towards Polly. The checker piece traveled a distance of 2.45 miles before stopping, carrying Polly's brain along with it the whole time. The warriors stood there victorious, then, did their victory poses.
Thus this was the time that the real traitor revealed himself, for none could have tracked Kip and his party without outside help. Kip found this out the hard way, seeing when he turned around that My Monkey has a Chainsaw had been cut in half by his own chainsaw, Bill was no where in sight. Kip sighed, then knowing that monkeys were naturally curious he sat on the floor and made car noises with his mouth.
Kip looked at the floor, and he saw a trail of banana peals. He followed them, slipping on each one as he walked. When he finally looked up to see where he was, he found himself in Bill's lair, the Sexual Shack. All of a sudden, Kip saw poo fly past his head. Bill was throwing it at him.
Kip didn't move fast enough, and caught the first throw of poo to the face, he heard Bill call out "In yo face, bitch" before retreating back into the Sexual Shack, which had an enchantment set by the recently deceased Professor Dumbledore to guard against the use of spoons. This enchantment caught Kip off guard, so he entered the unknown territory weaponless except for his half eaten burrito.
Kip entered the love shack. He saw a poster of Fred Willard and was immediately confused. Then Bill lept into the air towards him. Kip took out his burrito, and with one clean motion, threw the burrito directly through Bill. Bill stood there for a moment, then collapsed to the ground. Kip left the shack and made his way back to his home. His journey was finally over, he had done all he had done, and that was done. As Kip walked off, in the shadow of the setting sun, he looked up at the old sycamore tree that had a squirrel sitting in it. He muttered his final words to the creature and left. "Damn, I really do love lamp."
The End.
Written by John Lovejoy and Matt Virgil