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More cool footage of the Blues.

Here is the aforementioned, free comedy album from Robert Hawkins.

All you have to do is sign up for email list and you'll get a password to download my new album, "In Charge Around Here", from my website for FREE!

Download and enjoy it with your lover. This album is available exclusively to members of my email list. I hope to get XM radio to play it next.

You can also see new video clips of mine at www.rooftopcomedy.com/comics/roberthawkins. Rooftop was the company that produced the cd you are downloading so check them out.


~ RH

Morning pages:

All television is daytime television in Alaska.

Some say scrotum jokes are just low hanging fruit.   I say they're lower this year than they were last year.

In 1849, the first baseball caps were made in New York. That day someone decided to wear one backwards and off to the side.  That was the last time it was cool.  1849.

The economy is even effecting the budgets of magicians. David Blane's next special just has him balancing a broom on his chin.  Cut backs on payroll funds force Mind Freak, Criss Angel, to do his magic in front of real audiences.

Here's the speech Bush should have given in 2003.

My fellow Americans.  United States intelligence agencies have uncovered evidence that Saddam Hussein is developing weapons of mass destruction.  I have carefully studied this evidence and found that it was simply not enough to justify a preemptive war against the country of Iraq.  Rest assured that if concrete evidence of these violations is provided I will encourage a colossal beat down of Hussein and his henchmen.  As far as I'm concerned, the tyranny of his regime and the way they treat their women are grounds enough for a can of American whoop ass.   But, you know,another president once said, "The buck... here's a buck..."  Look, I'm the guy who has to live with this stuff if we're wrong.  I love our military members too much to put them in harms way over possible evidence.  As commander in chief I'd feel an obligation to see those weapons with my own two eyes! I mean hell.

I read The Art Of War.  Even Sun Tzu could tell ya back in the 6th century.  That's before Christ,for Christ's sake. This might be just what the enemy wants.  For us to get bogged down in the desert looking under every camel patty in sight and slipping further and further in debt.  I mean, God forbid our economy tips and we find out we spent it all.  Or say a big ol' hurricane hits land and we can't get proper aid to the citizens because the military is half a world away. I think the Christian thing to do here would be to keep violence as a last resort.  Sun Tzu'll tell ya, "A government should not mobilize an army out of anger, military leaders should not provoke war out of wrath.  Act when it is beneficial, desist if it is not. Anger can revert to joy, wrath can revert to delight, but a nation destroyed cannot be restored to existence, and the dead cannot be restored to life.  Therefore an enlightened government is careful about this, a good military leadership is alert to this.This is the way to secure a nation and keep the armed forces whole."

These lessons have been around for centuries.  So of course I am alert to them.  I am the Decider.  The attacks on September eleventh might make a lesser man over react, but I'm not an idiot. Good night and God bless.

Here are a few random thoughts and I'm out:

I'd do Ugly Betty.  What's the problem?

Never argue with a waiter over a missing order of Ranch Dressing.

Tandem skydiving is really just a date with a man.

I feel bad for truckers.  Now that they can afford gas again, nobody's making trucks.

I've yet to meet anyone who has actually gone to freecreditreport.com but everyone knows the songs by heart. 

Plaxico Burress, a football player named after my favorite gas station, shot himself in the leg, which is stupid, but I'll bet his leg doesn't mouth off anymore. "Break Yourself!"

I've found the easiest language to learn with Rossetta Stone is English.  I whipped right thru.

There's nothing worse than an elitist. I hate those people.  Especially the fat ones with bad teeth.

Why don't we get the Hollywood Paparazzi to find Osama Bin Laden?  Not only could they find him, they could get a picture of his crotch while he's getting off his camel.

Ice Cube is cold, Ice T is cold, Q-Tip is something you use to clean wax out of your ears.

Would somebody please let Beyonce upgrade? 

I used to have faith in the F.D.I.C.  Now it's F.U. I see.

~ RH

I was born as the result of at least one orgasm in Miami, FL - 22MAY66

I grew up in the North Cuba, South New York, East Mexico, West

Uganda area of South Florida.

And you know people from Miami want it.

Where?

In the Little Havanagina.

The news paper said that Miami experienced it's first full month without a homicide in 42 years.  "Since May, 1966."  This could be the result of lower crime rate, a rise in emergency room effectiveness or people are becoming faster runners.

You know the Police love it.

Where?

With their King Of Pain Wrapped Around Your Finger.

Either way, it's a new day in America and it's high time to set aside our differences and do something nice for one another.

You can go into a packed Waffle House at 3a.m., pick up the check for everybody in the place and they'll never forget you as long as they live.  Cost you $18.50.  $18.50 to have a golden statue erected in your honor outside the Waffle House. 

Waffle House workers like it.

Where?

In the All Star.

Instead of judging the employees at Dairy Queen, compliment them on their collection of neck hickies and congratulate them for getting laid.

Dairy Queen workers love it.

Where?

In the kitchen, the parking lot, their cars, schoolf grounds.  

In closing I'd like to thank Myspace for the featuring my silly blawg.  Was I happy to do it.  Well, was Saint Francis a sissy?  Yes.

You know Tom from Myspace wants it.

Where?

Look how he's standing in his picture.  Ahem.

And thank you to the friends who commented on my random thoughts this week.  Keep them coming I hope you all have a good weekend.

You know myspace friends want it.

Where?

http://www.myspace.com/crapper

Later

rh

"Maybe I should join the Army, he said reservedly." Tom Swifty

It's Sunday Octstoner 34, 2008.  I'm watching John Mack Cane make a last ditch effort for U.S. president on the Republican Channel.  I love the guy.  He's a military hero's military hero.  Five. And. A. Half. Years.  POW.  Nam.  I'm surprised he's not more popular with rappers.  He's prison chic.  I heard that it wasn't really a tumor he had removed.  It was a neck tattoo.  Playa playa.

I predict that as president, Obama will start smoking again within the first month, Biden will get his hair transplants finished and these people will have their own show on VH1...

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9Ejf5UCn0Y

...and the country will be better off.   I would like to add a slogan to "Spread the wealth."   And the legs!

I'm tired of hearing about Joe Plumber and Joe Six Pack.  It might make a good nick name for a WWE wrestler, but it's sounds condescending to guys like me;  Joe Twelve Pack Six Yagers Crap On The Lawn At Clear Channel.  You've heard of us haven't you?   We  don't matter?

Two nights ago I met Cheech & Chong after their hilarious show at The Majestic Theater in Dallas.  They were regular guys and the picture on my phone of the three of us cheers me up every time i look at it.

I went to the early voting place today.  Got a quick pick.