Cruel reality just settled in.

I’m in love with you.

I’m in love with you.

I’m crying harder the further I fall.

I don’t know what to do.

There’s no way we’ll ever be together.

I hate you for this—for making me feel this way.

Why the hell did you have to be so perfect?

Why did I have to be this attracted to you in the first place?

Why won’t my mind quit straying to you, your eyes, your hair, your body, your being?

Why is it that I yearn for you to hold me?
Why can’t you just leave me alone?

Why can’t you say or do something that makes me hate you?

Please.

I’m begging.

I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t deal with the heartbreak and the loneliness.

Not again.

Not again.

Not again.

Use your imagination. ;D

A loser in the shadows, that’s all that I will be. A nobody. A nothing. I tell myself repeatedly that living isn’t worth the battle; that I should just give up and let go. But then I think of you. Of your smile, your laugh, the little things you do. And I remember that you love me, that you care. I remember all the fun times we had, of the memories we share. I don’t want to lose you, and I know you don’t want to lose me. So I stray from those thoughts, the one’s that wish to betray our friendship, and I grit my teeth and bare the pain. Because of you, I’m still here. Because of you, I’m not afraid to say that I’ve overcome my demons and dare them to come back. Because of you, I feel loved and wanted. I feel like someone truly, deeply cares for me and wishes me the best in life. My imperfections mean nothing when I’m around you because you make me feel so much better about myself. You make me realize that perfection isn’t everything, that everyone has their flaws and should be proud to show them off. You’ve shown me that I can let loose and relax around you. You’ve shown me that I can trust you, that I can believe in you.

Thank you for everything.

I feel like crying until there's nothing left to weep... I feel like falling, but I don't want to go to sleep. I wish I could touch you, to know that you’re here. But I know I can’t. No, no, I never will. It’s impossible, entirely too unreal. You’re just untouchable, completely surreal. Something so much more beautiful than sunsets and fields of flowers. So much more exotic than the taste of rich chocolate. I love you. I need you. I feel you, though you know nothing of me. I’ve watched you from afar, wished that you would notice me. Once, just once. Even the slightest glance would give me hope, though false hope isn’t always welcomed. I just wish to feel you, to breathe in your scent. I long to know you. The sound of your voice sends shivers down my spine, but my voice is never heard. You’re just too divine. When I look at you I see everything I’ve always wanted. I see my soul mate, but you don’t see me. You surpass all beauty, all the god-like qualities a poet or a writer or an artist could come up with. You’re a million times more beautiful than a babies laugh, a rainbow after a thunderstorm. You’re unique and caring, someone who doesn’t let his own weaknesses slow him down. I hear your name and my heart flutters, my stomach flips. I look at your pictures or listen to your songs and my mind goes blank. I see nothing but you... But you’re untouchable. You’re there, and I’m here. I dream of you and live for you, but you don’t even know I exist. I’ve cried for you... It’s become clear to me, though, that our fates aren’t intertwined like I’d always wished them to be. You’re just too perfect, and I’m just too not. We’ll never meet and fall in love like the movies I’ve watched and the stories I’ve read. I’ll never touch you, hold you, kiss your perfect lips. You’ll never love me, see me, think of me the way I think of you. You’re innocence is what makes you special. You, my darling, are my everything, but... You don’t see me. You don’t know me. You never will. We may meet in the future, but you’ll never see me as the type of girl you’d want to be with. I’m not that lucky. Because you’re like an Angel sent to Earth. You’ve changed lives, including mine. The way that you move is like poetry in motion, the way you speak is the most beautiful melody I’ve ever heard. You’re more amazing than anything I’ve ever seen. You shine like the stars. To me, you’re my Heaven. You’re my Angel. You’re my everything, but you don’t see me.

And, let’s face it, you never will.   

       I've always craved the type of relationships my friends have. The ones where you're absolutely fine with cuddling in public, kisses in front of whoever's around, and just holding one-another. But I've got a problem. I know this is going to sound crazier and crazier as I go on, and I don't really have a good idea as to what I'm getting at, but I'm scared to be IN love. I mean, I'm not afraid to love someone, because I love my friends and family more than my own life, but I'm afraid to be deeply, madly, unconditionally, irrevocably, sincerely IN love. I guess I'm scared I'll be hurt even more than I already am. I dunno. 
      It may be the stuff that happened at home that led me to this sudden fear of being openly loving toward the opposite sex. I mean, my parents got a divorce. I saw how much it hurt everyone, including myself, and realized that I didn't want that. I didn't want the heartbreak and the weeks/months/years of depression. Like Pink says in her song "Family Portrait": I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family. Sad that I can relate my home-life to that depressing song, eh? 
      So, if I've ever dated you and made it seem like I didn't want to be going out with you, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that I'm so heartbroken and scarred to make it seem like I want to get close. I'm sorry you thought I hated you. I'm sorry I broke your heart because I was afraid. I'm sorry I was scared of being in love with you. I'm not going to lie to you and lead you on like that. I'm afraid to be that emotionally and physically close to anyone.
I want a love like that, but I can't have it. I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry, okay?
Wishful thinking will get me no where. I'll wait. I don't know how long it will take for me to get over this haunting fear, but I'll wait.
Maybe I'll always be afraid. Maybe I'll die alone.
But don't worry, I'll never stop being sorry for my fear. =]