i want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
i want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
i want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me go, you know
i never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?

i want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it go
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
if you hear me talking
listen to what i'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what i'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the silences i wrote
don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
i'm tired of being the interesting one
i'm tired of having fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and i might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
i want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
i want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
i want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words i want someone
who's not afraid of themself

do you think i'm asking too much?

good. song. really fuckin good song ...

Here I am on the phone again and...
Awkward silence is on the other end
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
But right now (but right now ) all I feel (all I feel) is the pain of fighting starting up again

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Some say that time changes,
best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we could make it through
So here we are again the same old argument
Now I'm wondering if things will ever change
When will you laugh again,
laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise 'til 3 am,
And the neighbors would complain

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

I'm fallin...
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin down

I'm fallin...
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin down

Down, down,down...

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Don't say a word, (Please don't leave...)
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away, (Please don't leave...)
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

seems like you never really knew me
seems like you never understood me
seems like you never really knew how to feel
but electricity it drew you near to me
what you needed was to be rid of me

there were times you really made me smile
and there were times you really made me cry
and there were times i never really knew how to feel
but electricity it drew you near to me
what you needed was to be rid of me
and the fear made you so unsure of me
what you needed was to be rid of me.

but electricity it drew you near to me
what you needed was to be rid of me
and the fear made you so unsure of me
what you needed was to be rid of me.

Last night was, in one word, AWESOME. I saw Depeche Mode @ MSG.

I was happy. I was smiling. It was wonderful.

Anthony brought one of his friends. The girl was a sweetheart and I had so much fun talking to her. It was great to see people from Qs, and even better that they were sitting right in front of us. At the end of the night we were all dancing. Fucking awesome.

Mom is working on RAW tickets for me for 1/2/06. I want to go SOO bad. Doesn't matter where I'm sitting. I just wanna be there.

I'm so glad school is almost through ...

Oh. Mondays!

Monday is basically music day. I have voice lessons, theory, and chorus all in one day. It is usually a huge pain in the ass, but things are looking up. Big time.

I HATE voice lessons. There are only a few things in the world that I hate, but voice lessons are right on top of my list. They are long, they usually take place at times when I am far too sleepy, or they are on awful days (Monday for example). I think I'm much more productive on a Tuesday or a Wednesday.

So today at my voice lesson, my teacher was in somewhat of a happier mood than usual. Instead of making me feel like a lazy sob like she usually does, and reminding me how much I suck, she was more, lets say, encouraging and positive. Right before my lesson was over she said something that hit me like a lightening bolt. "Sarah, you have POTENTIAL. You could go so far with that voice. If only you got off your ass and practiced once in a while." I was in disbelief. One, she's Hungarian and a bit stuck up. Two, she said, "Get off your ass." That's awesome.

She told me that I had potential. There was another word in there too like extreme or incredible. I don't remember. The point is, she looked me right in the eyes, and I felt it. I've been told that I can be successful before from reliable sources, but potential. That's a big word for a soprano in a world of 1000000000 other sopranos. Woah.

DEPECHE MODE is in three days! Seriously, it is the only thing making me smile these days. Just to hear them live, I am so fucking excited.

I am so thankful for poetry.

http://www.allpoetry.com/poets/sarah nyc

New poems up. Go.

Alright, I saw Harry Potter tonight. I was really excited to see this movie because it really has been a while since the last. I heard such great reviews about it, but I have to say the movie bored me. It was a huge disappointment.

For a moment I'll back track to Azkaban. Harry 3's plot was extremely intricate and not only did it include depth, the acting was phenominal. Who could forget Professor Sybil Trelawney. She was fucking hallarious. Or Professor Lupin. Even Serious Black was incredible. I never expected the ending. Every part of that flim was a shocker and even more so, the flim drew you in and you didn't want it to end.

The first thing that stood out to me was the direction of Goblet of Fire. The shots are incredibly claustrophobic. The entire movie feels like you are looking through someone else's eyes. That's usually a pretty cool thing, however for this film I kind of felt trapped. I will admit some shots of the castle and the water were breath taking, but where was the school? It felt like such a tiny place compared to the other movies. There were a few shots of the campus area, but for the most part this director kept to the same places over and over again and that gets boring!

The second thing I really disliked was how the movie lost its own direction throughout the course of the plot (which I might add was ALL over the place - very inconsistant). The movie begins with a dream Harry has of Lord Voldemort. This basically gives the viewer who hasn't read the book an idea of what the movie will be about. After the dream Harry makes his way to school and the plot twists dramatically. The focus shifts to the Goblet and a death defying competition that Harry has to go through. This took up a great chunk of the movie. I admit some of it was pretty cool. The second match underwater, now that was awesome. It reminded me of the last movie a lot. The plot doesn't go back to Lord Voldemort until the very end. That sucked because I thought Ralph Finnes was AWESOME. The makeup, and the fact that he used his normal voice - he was just so sinister. I wish there was more of him and less of the other stupid competition shit. There's a death of a student. Whatever.

What I don't understand is that Serious Black is in hiding, and Harry send's  his Owl out with a letter that says "Serious Black" on it? That pissed me off!

The kids were so shmucky (for lack of a better term). There were times when they were very much like teenagers fighting and bitching amongst themselves, but they each had a bug up their ass (of course with the exception of Harry). They were painfully annoying at times. Where did those twins come from? I know there is a lot more about them in the book. They just appear out of no where in the movie.

I fell asleep tons of times. I just plain did not like this movie. I hated the direction. It was TERRIBLE. I'm sorry. The last director was 1000000000x better. The only good part of the movie was Snape because not only is he my favorite, he was such an asshole in this movie. It wasn't even the things he said, his mannerisms were absolutely hysterical. I would have loved more from him. Too bad.

Ugh, its 4:30 and I can't even speak English at this point ..lol

I got an A on my astronomy exam.

Words can not express my relief.

Woah ...

This was from a Myspace post from Carlito:

"I am outraged by what was told to me by Vince McMahon...he said there would be no more cabana on Raw. According to him, it wasn't getting enough ratings.... Carlito is so mad right now.... Damn that Vince McMahon! To my fans, I'm sorry but you'll be seeing a little less of Carlito on Raw from now on...
- Carlito"

THANK YOU! You know why there isn't a Cabana anymore? Because YOU SUCK. lol

I lost my wallet last night.

It's weird, but these things NEVER happen to me. I'm a really careful person when it comes to that stuff. I was walking to class today and I wanted to get a snack from the vending machine and realized it wasn't in my back pack. I kind of just assumed that it fell out in my room or something. So I went back to my room and it I looked everywhere. No wallet.

Now, I'm not usually one for signs, but this is a huge sign. I had things in there that are irreplaceable. Two two dollar bills from my grandfather (he calls them lucky and gave them out to all his grandchildren), the hoop earrings from before I got the barbell in my ear, the little ankh necklace I've been wearing since last May (I took it off two weeks ago because I got a bigger ankh that I don't even like as much), the mermaid's tattoo appointment card from Oogie at Island, my hot topic card that's almost all the way punched, and a movie ticket stub from Hitch. I laugh because that was from 2/19. Hands down one of the best dates ever and even though I'm not with said person anymore, that ticket stub was special because it meant a lot to me. *Shoulder shrug*

So I say that perhaps this is a sign that I should let go of the past. I'm not sure. Of course the ticket stub thing is a pain because it was from an ex. Why is that when things start to look up shit like this happens? Whatever ...

I REALLY liked that wallet.

Well I can’t believe what I’ve done
Unlocked the door to my secret place
Thrust onto me with arrows to my heart
The inevitable: my soul’s ripped apart

Fascination, once again, controls me
It’s like a wish, or a dream; a nightmare before me
The fears of the joy torture my emotion
Why can’t this bliss last forever more

And I, can’t stand the thought of life
Spent without your wicked eyes
Spent without our precious fights
Spent without your tainted lies
Spent without a restless night
Spent without your love in mine

I dwell upon the moment when you beg for a kiss
Hesitation: I know what it is
It runs in circles in my mind
Which man to blame in me
I’ll never find