On Wednesday morning, while I was at work I received a text letting me know that pro wrestler DJ Rizz or Ravishing Rizz passed away after being in a car accident Tuesday night.

For the past few days I've been trying to figure out what to say and truth be told, I have no clue what to say. I'm still in shock. I've met Rizz when I first started training in 2005 and since then he's been a friend, a co-worker, and sometimes a teacher to me and to lose him in a instant is just painful.

The North California wrestling scene just won't be the same without him. The locker rooms of the various promtions we both worked together won't be the same without him there. He was such a great guy. He always wanted to just have a good time and he always busted his ass in every match to make sure the fans were entertained. He really was such a great guy and a great friend. I'm really going to miss Rizz.

R.I.P Rizz and thank you for everything.

For the month of July, I have a total of 5 or 6 shows. I'm basically doing one show every Saturday, I'm basically working as many shows a month before I took time off in the Summer of '06 and I'm sorta remembering why it was so hard before. I'm happy working all of these shows, don't get me wrong but there are certain aspects that make working these shows somewhat difficult. The two main things for me are Time and Personal Support.

Time: For most Saturdays, I'm busy the entire day or at least a good chunk of it. It's always hard telling someone that I can't make it to something because I have a show or a rehearsal or somewhere I gotta be and those friends either understand or get upset at me because they believe I'm blowing them off for something that I do for free/volunteer my time for or they believe what I'm doing won't get me anywhere. I mainly get that reaction from people who just don't get that I'm doing what I love doing, entertaining people and that I'm committed to both Rocky Horror and Pro Wrestling. It was my rule when I get involved in both things, to be committed as much as possible. In a way they're jobs, jobs that I get paid for in Thank you's and handshakes and smiles. Which to me, is a much better feeling than being handed a envelope with money or getting paid for my time. (Now every promoter is making a note of that, I'm sure. haha.)

Support: Everyone of my friends support what I do either in Pro Wrestling or Rocky or both, which I'm very great full for but I get the feeling they only support me mentally. I've been doing both Rocky Horror and Pro Wrestling for 4 years and barely anyone that I know from outside of Rocky or Wrestling has gone to a show that I've been apart of. Only a handful of people have gone to a show that I've been apart of both Rocky and Wrestling combined. Which is the main element of what makes working these shows hard on me. Now this isn't a "woe is Toby" thing, it's just an observation I've recently realized and I'm also not mad at my friends either, I understand at times people can just be busy as I can. I just think overall, I'd like more of my friends who've I've known before I got into Rocky or Wrestling or people I've met outside those areas to attend a show or two.

To me at least, working a show where I have a personal friend in the crowd makes the show a little more meaningful for me. Knowing after the show I can go up to said friend or friends and just ask them what they thought or getting their feedback and discussing the show further is something after a show I have looked forward to in the past. I also think it would help friends of mine understand why I'm doing this stuff so much to the point that most Saturdays I'm unavailable.

I think those two things are the toughest aspects of being the person I currently am right now. Maybe things will change over time, maybe they won't. Who knows. I do wish I had more time on my hands and more of my friends attended shows I'm doing on a regular basis but I'm also happy knowing what I have accomplished so far and the friends I've made being involved in both Rocky and Wrestling, many who I considers brothers and sisters who share the same passion, for the most part, that I have. It's a bumpy road, I just wished I had people who could help smooth the path a little bit, you know?

Have you ever felt that even though you have a lot of positive things going on that makes you happy you felt like one or two or three or four or five or six or seven or eight or nine or ten or etc...etc...etc. things are still missing in your life? I'm feeling that way.

With all the things I have going on, with all the work I'm now getting, the wrestling shows and training, and the Rocky Horror stuff, I still feel like I'm missing a thing or two. I'm sorta back to where I was in 2007 thru the first half of 2008 and that's really busy with the things I love doing....but I kinda feel like I'm just going around in the same circle over and over again.

I feel like I need a few changes. Maybe a change in sceneriary or something or someone to come into my life and give me that slight change I need. I'm just not sure what exactly that change is. I mean I have a few ideas but I don't know what exactly is the right change I need, all I know is that I need a breathe of freash air.

.....Am I just running back into another brick wall at 55 mph?

After over a year of feeling down and out and really stressing out about money and other things, I finally feel that I'm on the right track to getting to where I want to be in life. I have a few more steps to go, but I finally feel like I'm heading into the right direction.

I've gotten back into wrestling and while I'm not back full force yet, I will be in a few short months. I'm feeling a lot more motivated when it comes to being involved in Pro Wrestling and while I had to take a 3 week break off of training for a temp job, I plan on picking up right where I left off and continue tweaking a well rounded style so when I'm ready to debut, I can be ready to go with hopefully almost everyone. I still have a lot of learning to do, but I really feel good about myself and my involvement of Pro Wrestling in Northern California.

Barely Legal is also starting to gear up again and start running Rocky Horror Picture Shows again every Saturday at the new theater The Cerrito in El Cerrito and I'm really excited about the new theater and what Barely Legal is gonna do there. The cast has spent the past 4 weeks busting their asses off to construct and modify props and staging and other things to really put the show together for the move and I fully believe everyone is excited for opening night this Saturday. It's gonna be a new experience that I'm really looking forward to and I can't wait to see what we are able to do with the theater inside and out.

Speaking of this Saturday, I'm pulling a double header. First up is Devil Mountain Wrestling, I'll be spending all day and a great portion of the night in Martinez setting up and doing and doing a little take down at the Devil Mountain Wrestling show in Martinez. Then I will be heading over to the Cerrito theater in El Cerrito for the debut of Barely Legal presenting the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's going to be a long day, but it's going to fun filled day filled of new experiences and highs that just can't from any drug, even if it's on a day like 4:20.

On a quick note, does anyone else feel 4:20 is a bogus Junior High/high school stoner "holiday"? I mean that's honestly someone just saying "whoo it's 4:20 and I have a joint in my mouth. I had a joint in my mouth 2 times yesterday and I'll smoke again tomorrow but it doesn't matter cause today is Hitler's birthday!" By the way, that's a great day to have a "holiday" on, Hitler's Birthday. By the way, Happy Birthday to my old school buddy, Matt Roland.

Some other good news...well it depends on how you look at it, I'm working for Design Select again. For those who don't know, Design Select is a company I worked for where I did warehousing and delivered tile for, they're also the company that has laid me off twice. I know what you're thinking, why would I go back to a job that has laid me off already, twice none the less? Welll truth of the matter is, things have changed for that company. There is only a total of 3 other people in the warehouse (Design Select laid off the rest and one or two people quit) and I'm also only doing part time on call work for them. Which gives me a window of opportunitys when it comes to work. Design Select is more or less gonna be a side job as I continue doing temp jobs or until I find full time work. I'm not gonna rely on Design Select at all when it comes to work, if something better comes along, I fully plan on taking the better job. I will continue looking for full time work but also plan on working for Design Select as a 2nd part time job, however is it works out on where I just can't work at Design Select, then I will focus on the full time job. Design Select is more or less is just some income so I can pay my small bills on time.

With Design Select hiring me back, and Rocky Horror, and also Pro Wrestling, I'm starting to feel really happy again. Pro Wrestling doesn't feel like a chore any more and work....well it's coming along very steadily and I'm hoping to get full time work by hopefully the end of May. If not, I'm sure I'll find something. The only thing is that I hopefully don't hit another brick wall. That's the only thing that worries me right now, hitting that brick wall that always shows up when I finally have good things going and if it does show back up, I hope I can just plow right through it and keep going strong. 

It's the weirdest thing. It's the week before Wrestlemania and I honestly just don't care. Wrestlemania is the day that the wrestling world takes a holiday and all eyes are the grandest stage of them all. I get goosebumps and excited just thinking about Wrestlemania, well normally, but this year I don't. Looking at the matches announced, I'm only intrested in seeing two, the Money in the Bank ladder match and Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker...but that's really it. I'm also intrested in seeing the Hall of Fame for this year but it doesn't even look like it's gonna air on TV or on WWE.com, so that sucks.  Other than those three things, I have no problem with missing Wrestlemania this year. Which makes me feel very sad. Actually I take that back, looks like the Hall of Fame will be on tv on Saturday night..so yay for that! Good timing TV ad, good timing indeed.

I'm not even sure if I can watch Wrestlemania this weekend anyways, I have a lot going on with a new temp job assignment and other things going on this weekend as well. I mean I'm sure if I'm free I'll watch Wrestlemania but if I'm not, I don't think I'm gonna be missing out on anything.

Speaking of the new temp job assigment, I'm getting tired of doing temp jobs that are so simple. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm getting work and the temp agency I'm working with providing me with jobs since Oct. but so far their easy jobs that anyone with half a brain can do. Nothing really that helps strentghen my work experiance or anything that will help me build to a better job. Their just jobs that help me pay my bills.

I really need to find a full time job so I can get away from the crappy temp jobs but I also have a problem with finding a full time job. It's very hard for me to interview when I'm working these temp jobs, so the only time I'm able to interview is when a assignment ends and I have a week or two to send a resume out or apply for something and try to score a interview. That's another issue I have with the temp job thing. I never know how much free time I have in between the jobs and if I do, it can easily change. This new job for example was suppoes to start on Thursday, giving me four days of free time for me to take care of a few things and maybe try to put my car in the shop to fix my power steering leak, but instead on Friday I got a phone call saying I'm starting on Tuesday instead. Throwing everything I wanted to try and take care of out inf the window. Which really frustrates me.

This also messes up my scheduling to do things. Normally when I go into a job assignment, unless if it's for Bank of America, I have no clue what my schedule is until I go in for my first day. So when I start the new job tomorrow, the only thing I know is that I'm suppose to be there at 12:30. I don't know anything else reguarding my schedule. Which means a lot of things I'd like to help out with or do in the few weeks is put on hold until I find out my work schedule and even then once I do figure out my work schedule I still may not be able to partake in a lot of things because of my schcdule. I really need to find a full time job that has a schedule that I can work with so I can do things I want to do outside of work without having to worry about missing things or not being able to do stuff because of work.

I think that's all I'm gonna write about right now. So until next time..keep doing what you're doing or something.

After a very busy couple of days, I ended getting pretty sick after everything was over with. As soon as I got to where I was spending the night, I ended up feeling horrible. I felt a little tickle in my throat on my way home on Saturday night/Sunday morning and stopped to get something to eat really quick. Needless to say, the coca-cola and the Simpsons doughnought didn't make me feel any better, it in fact gave me a upset stomach and by the time I got to the Benicia bridge, I felt like throwing up...and I did...all over the toll booth person. It was something like out of the exorcist.
 
 
 
 
 
Ok that's not true, I didn't end up throwing up. I just made it home and went to sleep feeling horrible. When I woke up on Sunday I was feeling a little better but my throat still had that tickle in it. I figured if anything it was just from me yelling and deeping my voice at the wrestling show and Rocky Horror. Those two things in the same day tend to weaken my voice and cause me to lose it for a few days. Needless to say, I made it through Sunday night and the Oscars pretty ok, except for sneezing a lot. At least every 10 to 15 minutes. I figured maybe it was just dust circuling throughout the Parkway casuse there was a lot of people there and a lot of things going on. Except for the part where I kept sneezing at dinner after the show was over. By the time I got home just before Midnight. I went to bed, feeling like shit.
 
So after finishing a weekend where I traveled all over and succesfully doing 3 shows, a wrestling show, Rocky Horror, and the Oscars. I got really sick. I've done nothing all day except sleep and sit around, but I still feel horrible. I'm hoping by Weds. I'm feeling cause that's when I'm suppose to start a 9 day job. I'll go regardless of how I feel, but I have a feeling I'm outside all day long, so not getting over being sick by then is not going to help me get any better. Cross your fingers!

On Monday I went out and did a one day job for a company that sends people out to stores that sell cigarettes and alcohol to see if they get carded. If the clerk passes, they get a green card but if they fail...well they get a red card. I sorta felt like a soccer referee, but at last, I'm an referee for an actual sport, not soccer. Though I really wanted to do some kind of animae style animation thingy if I had to give someone a red car.

I can just picture it now...*daydreams*...A cleark doesn't ask for my ID and I just pull the red card from my back packet and the background behind me gets all red and yellow flashy and I just yell out RED CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While doing some wild swinging action with my arm. Plus having the flashy background would have saved me money on animation...however I can't afford any kind of animation so therefore I'm saving money by not having animae animation at all.

So I went out and hit 33 different stores in the East Bay area, it was a long day. Though I realized something while I was out driving around the east bay. I really miss driving to random places while working. Seriously, if I could choose between having a desk with a computer or a car/truck and the open road. I'd choose the open road. I'd rather go from one place to the next to help the day go by faster, instead of sitting at a desk watching the clock. I'd rather have my passenger seat and middle console be my desk than having an actual desk.....though I should get a clipboard. Sometimes it's pretty tough to write on the middle console. And I rather listen to my car radio then listening to someone bitch about how they wish things went more their way or rather be somewhere else. Sigh...how I miss my old warehouse job.

The day went well, with just about everyone carding me. One person didn't. I didn't feel sorry for the guy though, I went to this person 3 weeks ago doing the same job and the guy carded me and got his green card. I also can't feel sorry for someone who doesn't card people for cigarettes or alcohol regardless on how old the person buying the cigs or alcohol might look. Plus I got a babyface and I look damn young/good for my age. *wink*

It was kinda odd seeing on how some people reacted while doing this job. At some of the stores I went to, I wasn't suppose to give them a greed or red card. I was just suppose to lie about not having my ID or not having money then just leave. Everyone at these stores passed, but seeing some of them re-act to me not having my ID was interested. Two people asked what my birth date was, even after I told them I didn't have my ID. I just shook my head and left. I wasn't sure if I should have passed those two people or not, so I just let the company know and decided to let them be the judge.

One person who I gave a green card to didn't understand what I was handing her and asked for my ID again. I smiled and told her to read the card and then she understood what I was doing.  Which was good, but it was funny. She asked for my ID, I handed her the green card, she glanced at it, then gave me a serious look and said "ID.". 

I'm doing the job again on Monday and hopefully one of the stores won't be the same store where I handed the guy the..........RED CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still don't have a flashy backgrounds......I really just to do it once like that. It'd be awesome, but I'd need to do it to someone who has a really great sense of humor because yeah...getting those red cards isn't really a good thing for anyone. They don't get fined or arrested, but they have to tell their manager about it and show them that they got a RED CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I'll stop now.

I got a job interview on Friday to cross the line....the picket line. I'm interviewing to be a scab!!!!!

A Company is going through some trouble with workers being unhappy so they're hiring people to work in the mean time...and I got an interview. :0)

I'm Unemployed again. My temps job have currently and officially have dried up. So I'm job searching yet again, though this time around I'm not in a big panic about it. I'm actually pretty calm about it all right now. I'm not saying that won't change in about two weeks, but right now, I'm not stressed out about it. Which is a pretty nice feeling.

I feel I will find something or something will come up in a week or two  that will either be a full time job or another temp job that will last a month or two that will help me at least pay my bills. I already had one job offer but it kinda red flagged me when I applied for a customer service position and the job was basically handing out fliers about different businesses at "events" as the person interviewing me put it. Another red flagged popped up when the guy asked me to go somewhere to observe what I'd be doing for 5 hours and not get paid for it.

Sorry, I'm not driving to Fairfield and then to some random city for some kind of job fair to observe someone for 5 hours then back to Fairfield without getting paid or some kind of gas reimbursement. That's just retarded and a waste of my time. I also don't like jobs that basically try to hire just anyone to get some work done. This guy literally looked at one job on my resume and saw "Customer service" on it and said that was good. There's two other jobs on there that lists customer service that the guy didn't look at or mention.

I can't stand companies like that. I mean I guess it's good that they're willing to give just any person a try but at the same time it's not good. It's also not good to try and get people who don't even have a job with you to start training by "observing" a current employee for 5 hours and not pay them. Fuck that.

I think I'm just gonna take it easy for the next two weeks and try not to really do anything that requires spending a ton of money and just apply for at least 2 jobs minimum a day. If I haven't had any calls by the end of next week, I'm gonna re-apply for Unemployment. I really don't wanna because I'd like to hold off on it for a little while but I do need some of sort of income. In the mean time, I'm pretty much just gonna hibernate. It is winter after all.

I've dealt with a lot of crazy people in my time and normally it ends up with the crazy person walking away ending whatever craziness was going on. I've dealt with crazy drunk people, crazy homeless people, the Shamwow(!!!) guy, and Helfyre and normally all of those times it's ended pretty nicely with both me and the crazy person laughing about whatever is going on, except normally Helfyre just threw me across the ring, but today I met this crazy lady who really just threw me off.

Normally crazy people have some kind of motive of acting crazy. You know asking people for money and when told to leave the area they get upset, or when someone wants to get a drink and the bar tender tells that person no, they get upset and act crazy, but tonight I met this crazy person who really had no motive, that I could tell anyways, for acting the way she did.

So this lady walks into the verizon wireless where I am a greeter. This is how our opening conversation goes....

Me: *smiles* "Hi, how are you doing tonight?"

Lady: "Uh"

Me: "What brings you into the store tonight?"

Lady: "Uh" *she walks right by me.*

Now the store was pretty busy with people being helped and people wanting to be helped, so it's my job at this point to make sure I know what everyone is doing who is in the store. So I decided to keep an eye (not really watching or anything.) on the woman being weird so she doesn't jump in front of anyone who is already waiting to be helped.

As I keep an eye on her, again not really staring or anything, just taking glances in her general direction to make sure she can get some help without her cutting anyone, and as I see her she's walking near the phones on the wall and keeps looking in my direction as she mutters something under her breath so I can't hear her. She walks past me to look at the phones on display behind me and starts talking to another customer who is waiting to make a payment about something, I'm pretty sure something about me.

She walks past me again and goes towards the reps who are helping people already, so this lady who is acting really weird and appreantly only wearing one sock with her crocs.

For one second I'm gonna change the subject. What the fuck are up with Crocs? The plastic sandles that have holes in them that everyone wears. The shoes that are sold at a Wal-Greens in the candy asile. Why are people wearing these and why do people find them "cute"? How the hell did they become so popular? Come on people! Have a better taste in your shoes. SHOES ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO HAVE HOLES IN THEM!!!

Ok, back to the subject about crazy lady wearing only one sock with her pair of crocs. So I notice that she's trying to talk to one of the sales reps about something, but the problem is the reps are already helping customers and they're are already people in line waiting. So I walk towards her and this happens...

Me: "Excuse me, did you need some help or have a ques..."

Crazy Lady: "Yeah! I need  you not talk to talk to me! I got this myself!"

Me: "O.....K"

I just backed away because that's really the best way to handle the sitution without getting sued or fired or arrested. The customer who she talked to a minute or so before this looks at me and shakes her head and shrugs at me, I shrugged back because I really had no idea what the fuck her issue is with me. Anyways after a few minutes, she interupts one of the people helping a customer and asks if another person was there, when she was told no he wasn't, she just left in a hurry.

It was quite odd but what really bugged me was that I couldn't figure out the reason she was acting the way she was or why she was being a total bitch towards me. I've never seen this woman before, well not that I can remember anyways, so I couldn't have been done something in the pass that upset or anything like that. So why was she being so weird and why was she only wearing one sock?

Sometimes, people baffle me.