People who are close to me would know that lately i haven't quite been myself, mainly because of a lot of things happening around in college. They'd know that i was trying too hard, and doing too much to protect the ones that I cared about. It's wrong to be so involved, but sometimes its hard to see something that you feel will harm them carry on. After all, nobody wants to see the people they love get hurt. Unless their sadists of course  

Thus far, 2007 has been a rather rough patch, with extreme highs and lows. It's been an extremely emotionally draining time, but i think another "low" part of the year is gone by. At least for now  Coincidentally, a lot of things changed for me on Valentines day, so although not really celebrating it, it was a memorable one.

When you worry too much about others, often more than not you end up not worrying about yourself. So the thing that made the change is deciding not to care so much bout others, so that you could care for your own needs as well. It sounds extremely selfish, but trust me, it's also very practical. I guess seeing how "they" were getting along (you know who u are) made this easier. They just seemed so happy with each other, that it gave me confidence in them. So i guess i have to apologize for causing so much trouble. It's hard to swallow one's pride, especially when you know that you've made a mistake. But still, i have to do it. Sorry guys!

Anyway, although things seem to be getting better, I still dont quite feel myself. Although i feel a lot more happier and relieved, and just like my previous hyper self, something feels so empty. I can't quite put my finger why i'm feeling this way. It's a weird combination of feeling high, and at the same time feeling like a lot of things going out is fake. It's not like being depressed when you're emo. It's just indescribable in words. I guess its better than being worried and depressed over nothing

Valentines day is around the corner, and there are mixed reactions all over. This is what some people's views are.

Some people still view Valentines day as commercialized ways for big corporations to earn a quick buck.
Some people view it as a great opportunity to express their love for their partner of choice.
Some people simply loathe the idea of celebrating Valentines day, as they find it pointless and meaningless, but these are usually bitter people resenting the fact that they don't have anyone to celebrate it with (not everyone, but this is usually the case so pardon me if you fall into this category otherwise)

I guess they're all right. But for me, I guess Valentines Day isnt just about expressing love to one's life partner. I prefer to think that it should be celebrated with everyone that we love with, best friends, to our partners, and also our family. After all, whats wrong with that? They all play a huge contribution to our lives and without their love and support, we'd really just be a shell of the person we are.

Love is a complicated emotion. Its hard to understand. Love is tender, love is kind. But love can also manipulate. Just like everything else in this world, everything good has some dark spin to it. Think of it as "Hellenistic Art" but only applied to love.

Alas, this is not the time and place to rant about such things. Just wanna wish all of u out there a

Happy Valentines Day!!!

Whether with a partner or otherwise  Don't forget to tell those you care about that you love them!!


[Sexy love girl the things you do
(Oh baby baby) Keep me sprung, keep running back to you
Oh I love making love to you
Babygirl you know you're my (sexy love...)]
~Sexy Love, Ne-Yo

Went out to pyramid yesterday with some friends, did a little shopping and bought 2 CDs. Yeah, though I sometimes buy pirated CDs, i still say that piracy is wrong and sometimes its better to own the original thing itself. Ironic, isn't it? But how can you resist the call of two great bands, U2 and the GooGoo Dolls?

[I cried to my daddy on the telephone "how long now?"
"Until the clouds unroll and you come home," The line went
But the shadows still remain since your descent, your descent]

That phrase was taken from a collaboration between U2 and Green Day, called The Saints Are Coming. Its an uncanny match, not to be expected by many to start with, but what amazing chemistry they had on the song! It was originally made in the wake of the Hurricane Katrina disaster that occured at New Orleans some time back. It's amazing how disasters and tragedies, much like on happy occasions can bring people together for a good cause. I would prefer to think that humans are creatures of remorse, and are always ready to help those who need it, unfortunately at the same time there are those people who take advantage of other's kindness and generosity.

I'm sure most people are aware of the recent disaster here in Malaysia that many areas especially in Johor and elsewhere have been badly affected by the floods. The worst part is, that it just had to be in "Visit Malaysia Year 2007". Yet, despite thousands of people losing their homes and their livelihood, the government isnt doing their part. Instead of focusing to help these people who are suffering, they're too busy working on the tourism industry that is set to bring in RM40billion++ to the country's economy. Well, imagine what kind of image people will get when they come down only to see houses in ruin. I think it'd have an adverse effect of leaving a negative impact instead of a positive spin on people's hearts and minds.

No, this is not some propoganda mission slamming the government per se`, but they should be more aware of this than anything else. While the government ARE doing something about it, i still feel its not enough. Now, here are the people that really annoy me. In reports published in the Malay Mail and the Star, it was stated that there are people that have registered themselves multiple times under the government's flood relief fund programme, all in order to get more money out of the situation. The best part is that some people who haven't been involved in the whole incident still have the cheek to sign up for it anyway! It pisses me off to see people take advantage of situations like this. It's saddening and disgusting on so many levels.

For the record, Malaysia is recorded on the world's top 20 most Corrupted Countries in the world. Many of which are comprised of 3rd world countries. Not exactly a status we want, but its something we need to be aware of.

Such is the generosity of humans, there is greed. Sad indeed

Is it possible?

To be viewing the world through innocent eyes, where everything is perfect and all seems right and every action justified. To believe in everyone and everything with a heart so pure, believing that there really is good in every human being in the world.

Sometimes my friends suprise me. The kind of things they believe in, they make me think a lot. There are those who are old in age and experience, but choose to view the world in lighter vein. There are those who even though are young, have been through much more than most people have hence they learn the ways of the world before everyone else. Then there are those who think everything is hunkey-dorey possibly because of underexposure. Either that or they're plain ignorant.Often times i dont know whether to be envious or scoff at them. It is tempting to believe that everything in the world is perfect, and that everything will work out to be fine even if they're not.

Whats the problem with that line?
Nothing really. Only maybe the fact that everyone's perception of "perfection" is different, and more often than not there is much more to it than meets the eye.
A perfect example would be as such. Maybe one day we meet up with the person of our dreams, that we feel we can dedicate our life to. He/She seems to be the total package. Good looking, charismatic, loaded with material possesion, has high asperations and treats you really well. But somewhere along the line, we suddenly realise that they AREN'T perfect. And we find out that our partner has a dark secret being harbored from the past. And then we start to be unsure of them, and things suddenly twist around, not being sure whether he/she is really trustworthy.

Many times when things like this happen, it can be pretty unforgiving. Someone can either choose to accept it and deal with it, cuz after all, what has happened in the past makes us who we are. But sometimes the truth is way too much to handle. I guess if we really think about it, we all wish it WERE perfect. I mean.. who wouldn't? We all generally learn from the mistakes that we make, but what if we learn it all too late and we end up getting hurt? Is it a risk worth taking? I would guess so. But we definately won't be looking at the world the same way before, marred with scars of the past. I guess that's what our history teachers meant when they said "We learn from the past, to make sure it doesn't happen again"

And boy, were they right!

I guess there's a time when everyone in life takes that one chance. That first time that we do something will always seem a little awkward, but once we get used to it it really becomes a part of our life. It takes courage, but somehow it's always significant to oneself

The first steps into maturity..
The first regrets..
The first time experiencing love..
The first time telling "I love you" to those we care about
The first time time experiencing rage, ecstacy and emotions..


This is also considered a first! A first blog!  
Haha.. its a little out of the topic suddenly, but that's me. This blog is more of a creative outlet to release emotions, and something to pass the time.

It's a first post, so i wont get into anything "deep" and stuff yet! So you're all spared for now. Cheers!