Dear Davy Jones,

Thank you for your kind offer to be my personal penguin, which you presented in the downloadable song on the Workman Publishing website. Normally I would jump at the chance to have a singing waterfowl of my very own, except that I've recently come into possession of three personal penguins already. A fourth might be a bit much, since Mom and Dad are already complaining about the cost of herring bits and Purina Penguin Chow.

I've asked my triplet-brother Quinn if he might want you as his personal penguin, and he pointed out that you're really not a penguin at all. From the pictures we've seen online, you're not covered with feathers and your hands and body seem almost human. It made no sense until Quinn explained that you are actually a Monkee and only pretending to be a penguin for the song because nothing good rhymes with Monkee except chunky and flunky.

So here is my counter-offer. I will let you be my personal Monkee, and one of my penguins can be your personal penguin. That way everybody wins! I suggest you choose Spots over Stripes or Solids--he's the most musical of the bunch and can play piano while you sing.

Sincerely,

Septina Nash, Your Personal Penguin-Owner

Septina Says...

I'm outraged! I'm upset! My mind is racing a billion million miles a minute! Why? Because my editor thinks I'm too much like Harry Potter, that's why!

And what's wrong with being like Harry Potter, you ask? Absolutely nothing. I love Harry Potter! Those are some great books, and movies, and video games, and...have they started selling Harry Potter toilet paper yet? Because I'd totally use that if they did. "Check it out, I'm wiping my butt with Snape and the Dementors!"

But the thing is, all those Potter books have similar titles: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; and all that. And since those books did so well, hundreds of others have come out from other publishers that are called "Person's Name and the Something of Something".

Maybe I don't read as many books as Quinn, but you'd think I would have noticed someting like that before calling my book Septina Nash and the Penguins of Doom.

So here's a handy guide to the differences between me and Harry, to keep you from getting confused.

Harry: Has a lightning-bolt scar on his forehead.
Septina: Has no scars, but has gotten scraped up a bit from skateboarding accidents.

Harry: Uses a magic wand to perform magic.
Septina: Uses a baton to lead the marching band into the frog pond.

Harry: Attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in England.
Septina: Attends O.W. Holmes Middle School in Conwell, Massachusetts.

Harry: Is an only child.
Septina: Is the youngest of seven children including a set of triplets.

Harry: Parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort when he was a baby.
Septina: Parents are still alive and have never met Lord Voldemort.

Harry: Arch-enemy is a powerful wizard with a gang of Death Eaters.
Septina: Arch-enemy is a mad scientist with a gang of deadly ninjas.

Harry: Can't finish his potions homework because he's practicing for the big Quiddich tournament.
Septina: Can't finish her math homework because she's practicing for the Olympic Freestyle Skateboarding competition.

There! Now that you can see all the differences, I won't have to change the title of my book.

--SN and the PoD

According to our friends at Ross Park Zoo...

The Blackfooted penguins are known to have serious reduction in numbers during the last three decades, and remain one of the least studied of all penguins. A greater then 90 percent reduction has occurred in the population in this century due to human impact.

Think about that. 90 percent of all Blackfooted penguins on Earth have vanished since January 1st, 2001 -- less than five and a half years ago! How many years (or months) before we lose the other 10 percent as well? The estimated 700 of these birds living in zoos and aquariums may soon be all that we have left of a species that not long ago numbered in the millions.

The Penguins of Doom are hoping to raise $250 to support one of these penguins at our local aquarium. We are selling MySpace Penguin gear at Septina's Penguinaporium at http://www.cafepress.com/septinanash/1408498

The Penguinaporium is sponsored by the upcoming Blooming Tree Press book, SEPTINA NASH AND THE PENGUINS OF DOOM by Greg R. Fishbone. The book's author is covering the cost of hosting the store for an entire year, so that all proceeds can go to helping penguins.

We will feature six penguins at a time and "retire" penguins on a regular basis--so if you see one you like you should grab it now before it becomes collectable and rare. Each penguin is available in the following formats:

Mini button ($1.50 with $.50 going to help the penguins)

Cap ($15.99 with $3.00 going to help penguins)

Teddy Bear ($14.99 with $2.00 going to help penguins)

Journal ($9.99 with $2.50 going to help the penguins)

Boxer Shorts ($14.99 with $2.00 going to help the penguins)

Baby Doll T-Shirt ($18.99 with $2.00 going to help the penguins)

Plus other items with all penguins on them.

The first six penguins are: Scarface Penguin, Farmer Penguin, Goth Penguin, Marine Corps Penguin, Psychedelic Penguin, and Scottish Penguin. New penguins will be nominated and chosen by popular vote--details to come!

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Show your penguin pride!