and i mean my HEALER like... i dont even know how to explain it other than saying that...im lightweight feenin for new music that is a breath of fresh air... i mean i feel like all the industry is pushin down my throat is a bunch of ringtone ass rappers and lyrics that only tell me to shake my booty and that reek of the money cars and hoes these rappers dont have. and for me sometimes thats all fine and dandy but thas all the factory is churning out now a days.

so in saying all that, i wanna follow up with the fact that the glow in the dark tour is the best concert ive ever been to... not that ive been to many but i feel like the concerts im going to in the future needa be at that level or some major disappointment will be occuring lol... so lupe came out first right on the dot at 7 and im glad i was one of the few folks in the building to see his performance. he had sooo much energy and he was great and brought out bishop g, matthew santos, nikki jean and a few other folks... and im so in love with the cool right about now too... then nerd came out... even tho they only did like 5 songs lol they were live too... they did bring chicks on stage... but the one he was talking to during 'she wants to move' didnt do shit but stand her ass on stage and look dumb... kinda mad about that and erin was pissed lol... but i need that new seeing sounds album cuz i feel like its about to be on rotation if i get it... then another intermission and rihanna came out... i must give it to the girl she sounded so much better live... not annoying at all and her perforamce was live as well... she did a cover of a few songs [lauryn hill, bob marley and more] but still had everybody rockin the house, even took out her earpiece cuz the sound system was fucked up and still did good... so by this time its like umm 10:30 at nite but we were still waiting for kanye and in the meantime momofukos was tryna do the wave and did it bout 50 million times lol... kanye finally came out and his set was until about 12... i effing loved every minute of it... by the end i was hella tired lol but kanye broke it down and gave some 'words of wisdom' and basically he broke it down saying that music should change your life whether you relate to it or if it helps you get through something... and he also said something like do what makes you happy and to live for you... amen! lol... i kant really remember what else he said lol but it was the truth... and his book is great too, its got some stuff some people really needa hear/read... so i guess in a way it did change how i think about things cuz it was evident that they all love what they do and i feel like i should put my all into whatever i wanna do that makes me happy... i jus wish that kanye lupe and pharrell woulda done the CRS song of it they woulda brought out kenna or something but its all good lol... still the best concert, hands down.

so what music now am i listening to? right now its a lot of shit off my usual beaten path and the section i labeled in my ipod under 'fresh' lol like the cool kids, pac div, jazmine sullivan, sam sparro, kidz in the hall, mickey factz n more... and ive been diggin in the crates too cuz most of this shit thats being released and rereleased, people arent buying it for a reason...

who knew tryna find a lil job could be so hard? lol lawd if i dont kill myself tryna find one i dont know what imma do! i feel like people are hiring but they wont hire u if u dont have experience... i cant get experience if you dont hire me, right?

and im slowly but surely getting more excited to be starting something new in september aka cal state hayward lol... it jus feels good to be back home...

my pillow calls lol
deuces!
and much luv

so i noticed that a lot of folks in my generation/age group are aspiring to see their name in lights... all these aspiring rappers (IMO some of which are not hot at all), singers, actors... celebrities if you will.  sometimes i think (for some) its a quick way to get rich, other times i think its something people are really good at and they have that passion and drive to achieve it. what happened to being original and having something that everybody else cant touch? cant imitate perfectly? im trying to break down why all these youngns... semi including me... (lol) want to shine and be in the spotlight.

for me, i know that fashion is just something i want to do, not so i can be in the limelight and have the paparazzi stalking my every move lol, but because its something i love. sure it would be nice to see my designs walking down a red carpet or two, but thats not my main mission.  and i know that a 9 to 5 is not my best suit lol, and i think thats 1 thing a lot of other people might agree with me on.

now, when mediocre people get record deals (aka soulja boy, cassie, or any other steeze jacking person) that kills me.  cassie should stick to being a model. i think the only reason why she blew up and got signed to bad boy was because the song ’me and you’ had a good beat and nobody was really trippin sayin this chick cant sing etc. plus ’helping’ diddy is almost always a plus lol... soulja boy needs to stay his ass in school.  all i have to say about that.  so with that said, i feel like, people should give a valid reason why theyre doing what they are... lol cuz with music friend requests on this thing, i always end up clicking deny cuz they all sound the same to me, nothing original, nothing new for my ears to listen to.

mediocre people acting... kill me now! lol just like diddy acting on broadway and on tv for a raisin in the sun... hell to the no! that shit was horrible.  just because he has money, he thinks he can act... no maam.  rappers and singers turned actors... not the best combination IMO.  now everyday people acting... i think folks are jus tryna get into hollywood,  being blinded by the bright lights and the fame... and theyre not necessarily that great.

is it the money?  i think getting rich quick just satisfies somebodys want for money.  theyre not necessarily doing what they love... theyre jus tryna get it.  i think that in todays world, with the rich getting richer and the poor definately getting poorer, its a quick fix.  i think you gotta put in long time and hard work to be financially comfortable (at the minimum). and i kno im willing to put in work to do what i would love to do.

i just want to know what it is that everybody is after...
thoughts?

just more random thoughts from my mind lately...

march already! im just glad spring break is almost here... a much needed break from school... still thinking about that transfer to san jose state and i have my reasons for not wanting to cuz its like a mimi HS... a good handful of folks go to san jose state from my HS and i dont wanna see them everyday again (i kno yall think im crazy but this is just how i see it lol) i have nothing against them, dont hate them, jus dont wanna c em lol. of course theres other reasons like cheaper living, being close to the fam and the people... i love the atmosphere out here in LA (not fullerton lets get it right lol) and ultimately i would like to come back down here and live for a good minute but the people on campus are not that friendly lol... so im still tryna make up my mind

and im sick of people calling raven symone fat... IMO the girl is not fat... shes healthy lol... its funny tho cuz wen i was little and she was olivia on the cosby show, my fam used to call me olivia cuz they thought we looked alike back in the day lol... im glad she hasnt had to shake her @ss or show her goodies lol to make her money even tho shes riding off this disney success im not mad at her tho cuz she is gettin her paper...

and if people really really know me, they know that honesty is the best policy with me... jus tell me straight up what happened or wats going on etc... people must think im stupid or something wen really im up on their game lol... really, i just think its called common sense... seriously tho... i hope somebody knows who and what i am talking about because if i have to spell it out then feelings might hurt and we dont want that right? right...

i really feel like being kanye west for a minute and being a college dropout (LOL!) cuz im still not really feeling school... id rather be working on my clothes or interning for someone in that industrya stylist or something lol... anyways...

and that price is right bit... i watch it and i think im getting really good at it lol and i ran into this clip online and i believe it is ridiculously funny lol (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqk1-q8gXcY) umm yea that or either 1 vs 100

im really feeling this new keri hilson song - get it girl and this new n.e.r.d. song and i dont even kno wat its called lol... i hope at the concert they bring out kenna... that would b dope! lol and rihanna banning umbrellas at the concert cuz dumba$$ people decide to do the routine INSIDE the arena? and poke peoples eyes out n shit? oh no maam... and one person i kno (who shall remain nameless because you know who you are lol) said they would bring one to the concert as an accessory, but not to dance with... knowing them i think they would dance with it even if it wasnt the routine LOL but umm no thank you cuz i need my vision

im out
much luv
deuces (lol)

i dont either
but indeed they are

man i havnt written one of these things in a while!
and dayum its february!!
just more random thoughts...

so im tired of hearing about britney spears and seeing her face and her kids faces plastered on the cover of every gossip magazine, and even on the news as the head story.  i think these people aka the media need to leave her alone and let her family help her get the psychiatric help she needs. sure she is a pop star, celebrity, but when thins get this serious, like her being admitted to a psych ward or something at ucla... i think everybody should back off.  now, its true that the media is there everytime someone is a fuk up (kelly rowland and your beards on your underarms, LOL) but this is getting into britneys personal life... she needs to take 6 months... hell even 1 or 2 years to get sober, get custody of her kids back, and get her life right before she even tries to put out another album or perform (VMA's anyone?)...

ok! i guess i got that out of my system lol... which reminds me of that woof woof ansd tpain song... which makes me want to get things out of my system... cuz i feel like this shit really has been going on toooooooooo dayum LONG and it really has... lamar doesnt get it... and NEITHER DO I lol... it comes in phases... lord have mercy lol... time to let it go.

and dont you hate it when you try to send subliminal messages in conversation to people but they dont seem to understand?? that irks me lol... should i be blunt and come out with it and tell you whats on my mind regardless of how you may feel? im not talking about playing guessing games, but dancing around something without actually saying it... maybe something is on that other persons mind so deep that they cant think past it?? LOL who knows?

im still on the fence about schools... on one hand, i want to transfer because i will be closer to home and i will b around my people and my fam more than just on skool breaks or off days... but on the other! i do think its really nice in fullerton and im like 30 mins to an hour from LA on a good day lol... i think out here its just people and their stank ass attitude... but then again it is orange county... so do i transfer bak 2 the bay? or no? to transfer or not to transfer: that is the question. LOL am i really on that shapespeare tip right now???

and i came across this on the myspace page of Taj [director & photographer]... hes from oakland doin it real live, and he was talking about loving what you do or want to do in life and im glad i came across this excerpt: It's not about beating the next person. Its about exceeding yourself. Competition always ends in number placement. Don't pay attention to that! Compete with yourself and check the rankings at the end. Challenge yourself. and i absolutely love that! because i think, for what im trying to do with my life, that soooo applies to me. because there are sooooo many people with clothing lines that its like, how will a new person stand out as one of the best?? and even in journalism... u gotta prove that you are one of the best... that you can write bomb ass articles that people will actually be interested in right? so if i concentrate on how im doing and what i can do to step my game up so that people think themselves that im one of the best then nothing else really matters right??

so i think im done with that for right now...

deuces!
lol

so its now november... anxiously waiting for december lol or better yet... jus 2 weeks from now and i jus felt like i wanted to re-post this... becuz i dont know what happened to it lol...

enjoy

i miss you
i miss the way were together
which is never
i miss the way you look into my eyes
like there is no tomorrow
which was yesterday
i miss how you would hold me
like i was the only thing in your life that mattered
when the other day 
i was choked by your memory
my heart
used to have so much love for you
but in hopes of jus tryin to get rid of you
every tactic failed
all these emotions
that my mind put me through
losin it
goin crazy over you
i jus need to dust my shoulders off
but its so hard because that
very day was as if
cinderella finally had her prince charming
and that infamous million dollar smile
dropped me weak to my knees
you see
im living in this dream
maybe i relive it because i
simply want to
or maybe i still need and
want you
been tryin to erase my memory of you
but its so damn hard
because you are just
so
cute
i know i shouldnt
and
i wish i couldnt
but i do
miss you