I don't know how I feel about Aaron and I anymore. My mind has been racing for the passed three or so days. I want to be with him. I want to be alone. I want a relationship. I want to break up with him. I want to be single. I don't want to be single. I hate dating. I hate the dating 'scene'. I love him. I want to hate him. We're looking for a new apartments for me, him, and Matt. I want to live with other people. I want to live with friends. I want to live alone. I want to stay here. I want to withdraw from school, quit my job, pack up, and go home. I want to marry him. I want to leave him. I want to sleep next to him in bed. I want to cuddle with him. I don't want to be touched. I want one of us to sleep on the couch. I want to forget about everything, move on, and continue our relationship. I want to toss my homework aside and just be able to cry. My elbow hurts. My mind is spinning. I want to stop thinking for today. I want to focus on my homework and that's it. I don't want to do my homework, though, but I have to. ::sighs:: Why don't we have a switch to turn off certain thoughts when we want to? My relationship switch would be off a lot. ha. I have to do homework. I'm cold.

I'm pretty sick right now. I got sent home from Jewel early yesterday and called off of Shelley's. I missed classes today and called off of Jewel.

Last Tuesday night, I was closing at Jewel and a guy came in to for milk, but ended up spending $250. lol. We talked a lot and he told me with my personality, I should be an excellent teacher. That made me happy because I've been having doubts about school right now.

I've started a workout regimen. I'm excited about that 'cause I want to loose a few pounds - nothing drastic, though.

My 8am class isn't bad, but waking up that early twice a week is getting harder and harder. Next semester I don't think I'm going to start earlier than 10-11am. I just don't want to be stuck in school all day. I wonder if Jewel's going to pull the same bullshit they pulled this semester with everyone's availability. I like working at Jewel so I don't want to quit. Shelley's is the job I want to quit. They're stressing me out and I've already had a break-down there the other week. It was bad. I left the new cashier by herself so that I could go into the bathroom to cry and call Aaron. He even came to Shelley's to comfort me, which made some of the girls at Jewel fall in love with him even more. A bunch of them always tell me how much of a sweetheart he is and how lucky I am. Two of the girls said it'd be adorable if me and Jill [one of the girls that loves Aaron, who's dating a coworker of his] said it'd be so cute if we got engaged on Christmas [like Sandy did last year!]. I know a TON of people that are engaged right now. It's sick. If I got engaged before Becky, I'd probably have to beat my brother a whole bunch. Aaron's too poor to buy me an engagement ring right now anway so one of the two girls said we should have a baby instead [lol] 'cause our babies will be adorable. Well, duh! But if he can't afford a ring, I'm pretty sure a baby is probably out of the question. lol.

This is going to be an expensive Christmas for me this year. I'm going to buy my parents a new microwave, but I also need to buy them "personal" gifts since it's not really a present for them alone. Any ideas? Nothing perverted, Angela! I already started a Christmas list for me....in case you want me to send you a copy of it, Nick. lol.

On my way to school last Thursday morning, I saw Aaron's ex walking to class. It always makes me feel a little better about myself when I see her 'cause I want to lose some weight and it looks like she's getting fatter. What do you expect when all you do is drink, smoke pot, and quit smoking cigarettes? lol. I was 15 minutes late to my second class [I fell asleep in the car] and 10 minutes after I get to class, there was a firedrill. Sweet! That was awesome 'cause all the teacher fucking does is ramble.

I feel like I'm going to throw up now...

It's been forever since I've updated. I start school Tuesday. I bought my books [$532]. Tonight or tomorrow, I'm going to buy notebooks and stuff like that. I should probably make a list of what I need. I was going to check at home to see what I have, but Aaron was rushing me and I didn't even think about it 'till we started driving away. I need to figure out how to take the bus to school, the apartment, and both jobs that I'll be trying to maintain while going to school. I need to kick ass this semester. I need to get back into the school system and renew my time management skills. I also need a car.

I also feel that I need to sit down with some people and talk about a certain accusation that happened over the summer. I should probably just drop the whole thing and see how it plays out at my cousin's wedding in October, but I'm close to these people and need to tell them what I've found out and what has been said because a lot of what a certain person said hurt - a lot - and Christina agrees that it's better if I just clear the air with them.

Aaron and I are finally settled into our new apartment. I put pictures up of our new apartment, so take a look at it. I'm so glad it's just Aaron and I.

I hope none of this becomes too overwhelming for me.

Aaron and I will be moving into our own apartment August 10th. I'm super excited about it because I won't be opening the door to strangers. Doors won't be unlocked, lights/fans/TVs won't be left on constantly. No one will eat our food and we won't have to cover a roommate's portion of a bill. We're going to open a joint checking account so it'll be easier for everything. That way, when we have to pay a bill, we can just write a check out instead of collecting money from the other person and when we go grocery shopping, we can just use our card instead of paying for our own groceries or going half and half.

An aunt of mine said she has a very expensive, glass dining table that she's willing to give to us. Aaron doesn't want it, though, because 'it'll take up space' and we can just eat and do our homework on the coffee table. I don't think he realizes that we don't even have a coffee table yet. Plus, it hurts my back [that's already bad enough] to constantly be slouching to eat. I'll talk to him about it tonight and tell him it'll be easier to play poker on a dining table than on a coffee table. lol.

The apartment we're moving into has a study [it's a bedroom just without a window, that's why it's called a study]. We were going to put the animals in there, but we can't put the guinea pigs in it because they're stinky. So I've decided we should turn it into a workout room! Aaron [a friend of ours] gave Aaron his weight bench, so that could easily go in it. The room isn't super large, though, so it'll probably just be the weight bench in it and my medicine ball and a few other exercise things I want to buy. I wonder if I can get my mom to give me my TV and we can put that in the study. We were going to make it a spare bedroom, but we don't have money for a futon or anything right now. My grandma told my mom she should give me my bedroom set. I WISH! I couldn't picture Aaron liking that, though, seeing as how it's all princess furniture. lol.

Anyway, come August, I will once again be a full time student. I'm more excited about that than I am about living with Aaron. hahaha. I love the boy, really, but I'm back in school!

I'm currently looking for a third job, possibly just to keep over the summer, to help pay off more of my bills and get ready for next semester with rent, books, school supplies, etc.

I have baby fever. I've had for like a freaking year and lately, I've been watching 'John and Kate Plus Eight' ['cause I really don't have anything else to do when I'm not at work] and that show just makes me want a million babies. I've also wanted twins or triplets and that show makes me want like sextuplets! lol. I need to ban myself from watching that show or something.

I'm gonna go eat my chinese food now. mmmm.

Aaron and I will be moving into our own apartment August 10th. This is a list of the supplies we have: silver, bed, desk, dresser, entertainment center, and TV. So anything you want to give away and that's still useful, let me kow 'cause we'll probably take it. Seriously, anything: pots, pans, tupperware, futon, etc. etc. Or if you know of anyone giving away/selling anything, let me know. Thank you!  :)

I have been trying to update for the longest time, but the internet connection on my laptop has been weird.

I'm 21 now. I went to the bar on my birthday [April 13th] for about 40 minutes and haven't gone back since. I'm going tonight, though, after I stop at a party because it's my roommate, Matt's girlfriend's birthday and they basically live at the bar. Matt is moving back home this weekend so his room will soon be empty. I told Aaron that when Matt's room is completely cleared out, we should start buying things that we need for next semester [WHICH IS EVERYTHING! so if you know anyone selling/giving away furniture, silverware, etc LET ME KNOW!] and we can store it all in Matt's room.

I've seen Megan [Aaron's insane ex] around our parking lot, but haven't had anymore confrontations with her. Thankfully. I'm pretty sick of that fatass ugly bitch. I swear if she lives near us next year, I'm moving out. lol.

I've been working at Jewel for a month now. It's annoying. One of the supervisors tells me every fucking shift to make sure I take the garbage out of the carts. It's getting really annoying and next time she does it, I'm not going to stand and listen to her, I'm just going to go about my business. I was in a really shitty mood earlier today and was ready to quit when she 'reminded' me again. Then there's the guy who trained me, Steve. That guy needs to leave this place. While training, I wanted to quit because he's an insane anal perfection when it comes to BAGGING GROCERIES! Then, 3 weeks later, I'm working and he's there and he comes around to the lane I'm in, goes in the bags I've bagged, and starts moving things around and tells me that I should've done it this way and blah blah blah. Next time, I'm gonna flip out on that fucking guy. I can't stay him. psh. Whatever.

I got Aaron a job in the liquor and photo departments for Osco. He gets more hours than I do [I'm stuck working like 4 hours usually] and he gets paid $0.70 more than I do. I'm tired of pushing carts for 2 hours in my 4 hour shift [plus I have a bad back] and I'm sick of my managers and I'm fed up with getting my break 45 minutes before I have to clock out and constantly having to REMIND them that I haven't had my break yet. I told Aaron I was thinking about applying to liquor and instead of supporting me, he goes 'no, you'll take away all the hours I'm getting'. Okay, wow. Whatever. I'm going to apply online later or tomorrow and tomorrow before I work at Jewel, I'm going to go across the street to the copy services and see if they're still hiring. Wish me luck!

I hate when you have an entire blog posted and then something goes wrong with your internet and you loose it all. At least it was just an update post.

I had some trouble with a certain cunt about 2 weeks ago. It's okay now, though, 'cause she's basically a pussy and just wanted to start shit, but couldn't back it up.

Brooke is joining the Navy and will be moved out sometime in April. Our Comcast and electric bills will go down incredibly and Matt and Tara will be here more. We'll have an extra room, though, and my rent will probably go up a little bit as well as Matt's.

I finally talked to my Capital One and HSBC credit cards. Capital One will be paid off by May and HSBC by next April. Now I just have to talk to USBank and Chase.

I'm looking for a second job to help pay off the credit cards faster, but to also put more money aside for next year. Aaron and I have an apartment already, but we have no furniture or anything else at all. So if you're giving away anything or selling anything for cheap, let me know - literally anything, futons, rugs, chairs, dining sets, silverware. etc. I've been putting money aside, but we need to buy just about everything. Matt said we can take his love seat and arm chair and I'm trying to convice Aaron to just take them at the end of the year that way we can stall on buying couches for a little longer and we'll have more time to save more money. I'm going to call Old Navy, Castle Bank, and Jewel on Monday to check up on my applications and I might apply to Target.

I've decided I'm going to lose 20-30 pounds by fall. I've been drinking water only [well, and Monsters] and allow myself half a cup of pop at work while I eat. I also am only going to eat salads at work [5-6 days a week]. At least we have a few varities of salads I can play around with. I'll be home Tuesday - Friday so I'm going to be going to the gym on those days and then when I find headphones, I will be going here. I'll be stealing Aaron's ipod to take with me after we figure out what to do with the battery 'cause it only lasts 5-10 minutes. I'm also going to start running when the weather warms up. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm going to try to loose 10-15 pounds by my birthday [April 13th]. I'll be 21 and all alcoholics must come to DeKalb on the 12th of April [Saturday] to get highly intoxicated with me. I won't be going to the bar 'cause I don't want to leave the underagers [like my sister and cousins] at the apartment. lol. I hope they're able to come up! I've also made a few wish lists on some websites so if you want to buy me anything [cough cough] you know exactly what to get. I'm basically hinting at Nick and Becky. lol.

Aaron and I are thinking of getting a joint checking account for next year so it's easier for bills, etc. We figured if we both put money from our checks in it every 2 weeks, we can use that money for bills and groceries without having to figure out how much we each owe and then that way [since it's going to be all under Aaron's name because of my credit], Aaron will be able to write checks straight from that account instead of from his personnal account and then I have to give him the cash. Opinions? His grandma doesn't think it's a good idea because of his ex-girlfriends not paying him back money they owe him and basically taking money from him...like that cunt, Megan.

Due to my extensive spare time, I've decided I'm going to start making necklaces. haha. I love necklaces so I'll be able to expand my own collection a ton. YES!




what is on your bed right now:
Pillows, blankets, a napkin, paper plate, my phone, my hoodie, and me.

when was the last time you threw up:
A few weeks ago.

what is your favorite word or phrase:
Nice.

name 3 people that made you smile today:
Aaron, Shelley, and Jess.

what were you doing at 8am this morning:
Just going to bed.

what were you doing 30 minutes ago:
Eating half of Aaron's bean burrito. lol. I'll tell him when he gets home from work.

what is your favorite holiday:
None.

have you ever been to a strip club:
No, but I plan on taking Christina for her 18th birthday in July.

what is the last thing you said aloud:
I'm not sure.

what is the best ice cream flavor:
I don't know.

what was the last thing you had to drink:
Water.

what are you wearing right now:
Sweatpants and a t-shirt.

what was the last thing you ate:
Bean burrito.

have you bought any new clothing items this week:
No.

when was the last time you ran:
I have no idea.

what was the last sporting event you watched:
Basketball.

if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go:
Everywhere.

who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace:
Aaron.

did you ever go camping:
Yes.

do you have a tan:
Not currently. :(

have you ever lost anything down a toilet:
No.

what is your guilty pleasure:
I don't know.

do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot:
No.

what did your last text message say:
'Yeah big time for the first'.

are you someone's best friend:
Yes.

what are you doing tomorrow:
Working 9pm - 3am.

where is your mom right now:
I don't know.

look to your left, what do you see:
Closet.

what color is your watch:
Black and white.

what do you think of when you think of australia:
Kangaroos.

have you ever ridden on a roller coaster:
Yes.

what is your birthstone:
Diamond.

do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru:
Depends.

do you have any friends on myspace that you actually hate:
No.

do you have a dog:
No.

who was the last person you talked to on the phone:
Christina.

have you met anyone famous:
Yes.

do you have any plans today:
No.

are you happy:
Yes.

where are you right now:
Bedroom.

what is the biggest annoyance in your life right now:
Job hunting.

what was the last song you listened to:
I'm listening to Avenged Sevenfold - "Seize the Day".

what was the last movie you saw:
Nanny McPhee.

are you allergic to anything:
Not that I know.

what is your favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time:
None.

are you jealous of anyone:
No.

are you married:
Basically, just without the ring.

is anyone jealous of you:
Not that I know of.

what time is it:
11:22pm.

do any of your friends have children:
Yes.

do you eat healthy:
Not at all.

what do you do during the day:
Absolutely nothing. :)

do you hate anyone right now:
I despise a certain cunt.

do you use the word HELLO daily:
No.

how many kids do you want when your older:
86548761290763654. No, seriously, I want a lot. Babies are my favorite. Aaron only wants 2-3, though. LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess Nick and Becky will just have to have a lot to satisfy my needs.

how old will you be turning on your next birthday:
21.

have you ever been to six flags:
Yes.

how did you get one of your scars:
A knife.

I had a nice little run in yesterday. Aaron and I pulled into the parking lot by work and the bookstore. I was going to apply and he was going to buy his books. We pull in and I point out Megan's car. We walk in, pass a few aisles, and I turn my head to the left to look down an aisle and hello, Megan! She looked at me, glanced quickly at Aaron, and then looked down and probably said something to whomever she was with. I called up Cathy and walked outside [despite the freezing weather!] to talk to her and Megan and her friend came out and passed me to go to the Hot Spot. So I'm still talking to Cathy and they walk passed me again and down the stairs. I went down the stairs 'cause I saw one of the drivers from work pull into the parking lot and needed to ask him something. Megan and her friend are by her car and her friend sees me coming down the stairs [still on the phone with Cathy]. She must have said something to Megan because she turned around and stared me down. I just stared back and smirked. We'll definitely have a better run in soon, though, 'cause she's always across the parking lot from us.

The point of that was to go into this: this morning, when I fell asleep, I had a dream about her and Aaron. I can't exactly remember any details, though. I know that when I woke up from it in the middle of the night, I felt like I'm doing something wrong by being with him; like I could have possibly gotten in the way of something great between them two. Which doesn't make sense to me, though, because Aaron's told me how she treated him and how no one in his family approved of her because of how she talked to him and how they always argued, etc. etc. Even his friends have told me that I'm better for Aaron and Gallen has told him that he saw what him and Megan went through and he sees me and him and it's a lot better. I wish I could remember the dream, though, because it's really bothering me. I hate running into her because then I have a horrible night's sleep.

Our 6 months is on the 29th. He doesn't want to take the day off of work, though, because "it's not an important anniversary". So we'll probably spend that night working together when all I really want to do is make dinner with him and watch a movie at home.

I'm manager in training with a dollar raise. I'm still looking for a second job, though, because I'm not in school this semester because of my transcripts not coming in and loans and crap. My manager told me that I'll have a set schedule [which will make it a lot easier to find another job] and will be working 5-6 days a week. Last night, she was making the schedule for hours. When she was about done with it, I realized that next weekend is the 19th and 20th and that I requested off for my grandpa's surprise party and Nick's graduation party. I felt so bad when I told her 'cause then she had to redo the whole schedule. I know I'm working Monday through Friday, but I don't know which shifts. I hope it's not all closing shifts. That would drive me crazy! I want to open at least 2 days a week.

I'm totally grabbing a ton of books when I go home to keep me occupied and bring back the books that I've already finished.

Oh! Aaron and I agreed on an apartment for next year. It was the first one we saw and agreed to. The one thing we didn't like was the size of the living room. So we looked at like 10, if not more, others and I really liked 2 of them. The location was further from work and the campus then the first one we saw and was more expensive.

Timbercrest:
-Down the block from work.
-Across the parking lot from Aaron's building.
-Cheap [$635 a month plus water, cable, electric, for 2 bedroom].
-NO PETS ALLOWED THOUGH [we have a 42g fish tank, 2 guinea pigs, hamster, snake, and a tarantula....and we want to get a cat].
-No washer/dryer.
-Small living room - which sucks 'cause of the 42g fish tank and 42" TV.

Pittsley:
-Washer/dryer.
-NO PETS ALLOWED.
-2 bathrooms.
-Spacious.
-A little over $100 more for rent plus utilities.

Lincolnshire:
-I fell in love with this one.
-$800 a month plus utilities, extra fee and monthly payment for pets [all allowed except dogs and no fish tanks over 50g].
-$30 application fee.
-BBQ and pool area.
-No washer/dryer.
-1.5 baths.
-Veeeeery spacious.
-2 balconies/patios.
-Basically everything I wanted, but we'd be spend about $1,000 a month if not more.

Then there was one 2 bedroom that was 2 floors with a spiral staircase. The bathroom was upstairs with the sink/mirror OUTSIDE of the bathroom and the bedrooms were downstairs with no bathroom down there. The staircase was cool, but was very narrow and unstable. Very bad for drunken nights. lol.

I hope everyone had a fun New Year's Eve. My night was really fun until some drama happened with Aaron. He was completely trashed which only made it worse because he didn't remember anything that he had said earlier. I didn't get drunk. I ended up spending about 5 hours, alone, crying in our bedroom while he was downstairs playing poker because he forgot about me. The funny thing is that what started all of it was something that happened two years ago. I didn't get drunk, but I'll make up for that this weekend when my cousins are here. Holla!

Aaron's ex, Megan's two really good friends [Shelley and Jess] have been coming to our apartment for almost 2 months now. I love them. They're hilarious! The first night they came over, I made Cathy stay in case they pulled some bullshit with me. Well, about 3 weeks ago, Aaron called Mark [Megan's best friend, lives across the parking lot from us] to have him come over. Then Shelley called him and then Megan got on Mark's phone. woops. So now Shelley, Jess, and Megan don't talk and Shelley and Jess talk a bunch of shit about her and how she acts. Apparently Mark gets annoyed really easily with her and doesn't want to live with her next year. lmao. Oh the information I get! Of course when she found out Shelley and Jess have been coming her, she called me and Aaron assholes and crap like that. lmao. Of course she hasn't sent me a message because everyone says she's too much of a pussy. Aaron and I saw her a few weeks ago when we had an appointment with Pittsley to look at apartments, but she just coward in her car. She was nicknamed Cottage Cheese by someone annnnnd everyone [no names needed] have said that I'm way better than her. SCORE!

I'm happy, though. We don't argue a lot and mostly just goof around with each other all day. I'm surprised Matt and Brooke aren't sick of us yet. hahahahaha. Next year's going to be a lot more fun, though, 'cause it'll just be me and him.

I cut all my hair off - check out the pictures. I'm pretty much bald despite what people say.

I still don't know about school for this coming semester because the offices haven't opened up yet and I don't know if the loan will go through it time - if I get approved for it. =/

Things are going well at the apartment. Living with three guys isn't so bad, but I just wish that they would help a little more around the house. Aaron bought us a hamster and a guinea pig and I bought a new betta since mine died on me like 2 months ago. Oh and my little snail died. :( Aaron's stupid piranas attacked him! Saturday we're having a super incredible party and I'm super incredibly excited!!!!!

Work is okay, but it's driving Aaron and I insane. He's thinking about quitting, which means he would lose his manager position and start at the bottom at a new place...which also means they might take it out on me and therefore not give me manager position next semester. We're supposed to have a certified manager in the store at all times. These managers are Jesus, Miguel, Beth, and Mary. Well, from 8-12am, we had no certified manager, meaning we should've closed the store down until one of them showed up. So I take a delivery order and they called back to edit it. Since the order was already settled, I needed to open the order back up, which I can't do because I need a manager to do it. HAHAHAHAHA. CAN'T DO THAT WHEN THERE ISN'T ONE THERE. Aaron's a manager, but he isn't certified so he couldn't get into that portion of the register. So I'm going to bitch about it and make them give me access to the register because there's never a manager there in the morning anyway. Whenever I open, Beth always disappears because she always has to "run to Walmart" or some shit. I hope Becky quits already so the schedule will be up tomorrow night and I get more hours. haha.

I'm going to make some easy mac now.