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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

New Drawing. Obam a goes to a movie

Im also planning a "i survived the end of the world" drawing with the same idea. it will be good. Some may say this is racist but it isnt. its true. Though in all fairness its usually the younger ones. I went to see "house of a thousand corpses" on April 13th, 2003. I remember the loud loud black chics yelling at the screen the whole movie. Screaming when someone got killed. It sucked. No one really wanted ot tell them to shut up cause they would have did that thing they did on "Ricki Lake" were the scold you, bobbing there head up and down in unison wiht there finger pointed at you (usually with really long fingernails painted red, that could really scratch you.)

Perhaps when Photobucket deletes this picture (im still fuming they deleted my "is jughead jones gay" book cover i made), then i will redo it with me trying to watch tv while my italian roommate yells conversations on her phone or organizes the kitchen banging shit all around.

Another thing that pisses me off in large conventions of people, is when i go to a New Jersey Devils game and everytime some horn blows, fans yell "Rangers suck, Flyers swallow", and the Devils arent playing either of those teams. It makes the average Devil fan the equivelnet of a dumped teenager that can stop whining about it.

In other sports related news, the Tampa bay Buccaneers are making me sick, though i expected that.

1:51 AM

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Monday, October 12, 2009

Ground breaking ideas to get me nobel prize (patent pending)

Sorry i havent been posting. Been busy i guess. Thought i would throw some ground breaking scientific ideas for anyone who still reads this crap. I got to do something, Girlfriend decided to hang out with me all weekend wehn she had a cold. Guess why im not at work now.

Idea one was already mentioned by me once so ill keep it breif. My Hypothisis (not hypotinous, girlfriend told me thats a shape or triangle or soemthing) is that the world always wieghs roughly the same amount to keep it in orbit. When something rots away such as a dead person, a young person gains size. Trees get cut down but more people are born and ect. Some ponytailed dude who looked like Comic Book Guy at the bar told me my idea was very viable and he was in college taking some science major so its got to be a good idea. So remember, anytime you plant a tree, a baby dies.

Idea two is my newest most ground breaking idea yet. I call it "Ridding the Earths Garbage by Producing much much more Garbage" (regpmmmg). The idea here is what came up wehn i was thinking how Gravity works. The world is round, thus people on the bottom are upside down but do not fall off. Why is this? Scinece can not explain gravity but i can. See the arc is so slight cause its so long that it makes the world seem flat. thus we are not fallign off. (see my illustration, this is point A) I have a globe and dust will stay on the bottom of the globe as well as the top. Dust on a globe is equevelant to a really really big building on the real earth.

Here is my illustrations, try to not look to far ahead.

Now if you go to a globe and stick something real large on it, it falls off, interesting. So it is quite apparent that if we should make a giant platform of garbage, so big that it covers a large arch of the worlds circleness. (figure B) Note how the pillars are hodlign up the garbage platform. THE ones at the edges are much bigger to conform to the earths circleosity. The platform could be really skinny, it just has to span over the arch of the earth. Figure C shows what happens when the pillars supporting the garbage platform are broken, thus causing the big garbage platform to fall off the earth, hurdleing into space where it will spin around like that glass thing the bad guys spun around in "Superman 2" did. It may take out some satilites, perhaps the moon but it will get rid of our garbage. ALso note its just falling off the earth, no rocket full was needed. Im pretty sure wehn Supermans Dad put those bad guys in the twirling glass box tihng, he probably used rocket full to get it into space. Supermans dad is in Figure E.

Now that we see how this works, we have to keep in mind it would take a lot of garbage to make this happen. Also a huge question is where to put this platform so it does least damage when it slides off the earth. i thought maybe the ocean but garbage platforms leak and that would pollute the water. The clear and obvious answer is the middle east. It has a lot of sand which absorbs oil stains, lots of bombs to blow up the pillars to release the garbage platform, and sand whic will also give it a nice sliding off the earth with easy cleanup as you just have to push the sand back into the trench marks the garbage platform will leave. (see figure F). This whole amazing process will take about two years to make i think. Then and only then will someone (that being myself) have spearheaded somethgin so amazing and benefical that i will have finally broken Obamas questionable streak of three Nobel peace Prizes in a row (hopefully, never know he may be a saint by then). (figure G).

Now here is some commonly asked questions on my proposed plan.

Question "None of this plan seems to coincide with your first theory that the world always wieghs the same to keep it rotating on its axis correctly. Seems if we believed that then dumping a crap load of garbage would really spin the earth off its kilters. Are you possibly trying to get the world to end in 2012 or do you think your first plan is a load of crap?"

A: little of both.

Q: what if the platform does not slide off the world but rather squishes all underneath?

A: thats the beauty of putting it over the middle east. Sand will absorb the loud crash and it will end the middle eastern problem. I may not get a nobel peace prize but i will get a "made peace through a violent genocideally like mistake that ironically caused a lot less problems" award.

Q: could it be possible the garbage platform becomes a large comet like object that spirals at us or another planet causing mass destruction?

A: maybe

Q what is your scientific background?

A; took Life Science in high school were i learned about parasites, various tree types and vaginas adn then took Horticulture were we planted impatent flowers. I got an award in that. Took a science class in college were the teacher (who was a real bitch) and remember them talking about how nuculer energy works. they lost me right away when i learned the ingredients are hard to get.

Q: the garbage platform will also probably cover most of africa. any chance it will be over those really bad countrys like sudan?

A i have to consult with my free national geographic map but hopefully. also the pillars should be edible so they feed the survivors should it fall. (id check my globe but its in the attic and i dont have stairs to there and need a ladder)

Q: edible pillars dont arent good load bearing matierials. what will you do if they arent edible?

A: Probably use the matieral to make great statues of myself. then i will become mad as i realize that the earth is now completely clean and will only get dirtier. This will cause me to feel guilty to poop and become crazy and bloated and walk around yelling at people putting out trash saying "hey i just cleaned this up asshole"

Q: If this doesnt work or is approved what are your next steps in life?

A: I was in a bar and noticed a short girl and a tall girl hanging out. it then occured to me any time you watch Lesbian porn, they are usually the same height and size. Lesbian porn needs short hot chics and tall hot chics doing it.

2:18 PM

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

"Tinkle in a bottle" (immature song parody)

Piss Jugs Sparkle In The Oakland Sun
Contra Costa Times | Submitted by: jr925
"Reminiscing, he went to the same stretch of beach last month and found a whole new breed of bottles -- capped plastic vessels containing what he believes is urine. "Look at this," he said on Wednesday, holding up a soda bottle half-filled with an opaque brownish-yellow fluid. "That's a Coke bottle, but that's definitely pee in there." A half-dozen similarly filled receptacles were found during a half-hour search of the area."

From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 21-Sep-2009 18:04

"Tinkle in a bottle" sung to that wiener band i cant think ofs'"message in a bottle"

Im just a trucker
in my rig in california
Another lonely day
pervert hippies in rest areas
no where to go
need to keep riding
but i have to go, hmmm notice my snapple bottle

I peed in my snapple bottle
i peed in my snapple bottle
I ll chuck it out the window
I ll chuck it out the window
Its really warm and gross
tinkle in a bottle
fermenting tinkle in a bottle

A year has passed since Ive been to a rest area
tinkling in my snapple bottles
just wish i didnt hvae to pee so much
its probably from drinking snapple
but i need them empty so i can go

I tend to prefer snapple bottles
I tend to prefer snapple bottles
I hope no one rides in the glass
I hope no one rides in the glass
I hope no one rides in the glass
tinkle in the bottle
fermented tinkle in the bottle

Ooh... tinkle sprays out when it breaks
tinkle in glass bottle

drove around this morning
Dont believe what I saw
A hundred billion rusty amber pee bottles
lying on the highways edge
Seems Im not alone in bottle tinkling
but others use plastic
maybe that would be more considerate

Ill start to use plastic bottles
no broke glass to pollute and hurt snake bellies
I hope that someone drinks my
I hope that someone drinks my
I hope that someone drinks my
Tinkle in a plastic bottle
casue they thought it was free lemonade

tinkle in a plastic bottle
has some more benefits, now i have to pee

Sending out a tinkle bottle now
This mouth hole isnt as big as snapple's
I just peed on my hand
do they make wide mouthed water bottles....

1:23 AM

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Tuesday, September 08, 2009

my endoscopy and other excitement

My Doctor decided to have me undergo a Endoscopy ot check my stomach just to rule out chrohns desease and other such fun. Endoscopy is like a colonoscopy but they put a camera down your throat to look at your tummy. The procedure was at the hospital for Noon. The fun part is arriving an hour early. ALso your supposed to fast from 10 pm the previous day. I dont eat breakfast much so this wanst a problem.

After making you sign stuff in case of death, they bring you to a room with the stretchers in it and dividing curtians so you can wait with other people. It was the same room i was in for my colonscopy last year. The nurse came up to me and i told her i remembered her cuase seh asked me if i smoke. I said that she said last time that her husband quit after three packs a day. She was impressed with my memory and said she remembered me and i was at the strecher across from were i was. Im thinking lucky guess, and seh was trying to be nice. I did look kinda reterded when i said i remember her cause i thought seh was going to shake my hand and didnt realize she was checking the IV needle in my hand.

I laid there for an hour listening ot other patients talk to the nurse behind the curtains. One lady mentioned seh had no open wounds but wondered if some pimples counted. She called them blemishes first i from the sound of it, i think they were on her butt. Also i suspect she was having her period cause i heard the nurse give her s ziploc bag and whisper something about bringing it out when seh was done and not flushing it. The guy across from me sounded really interesting. I wanted to meet him. HE was born in 1945 in april. HE plays platform tennis, whatever that is, and is getting his first colonoscopy. He joked alot. He would have been fun to hang out with waiting that hour for my procedure. Instead i sat there realizeing i wore boxers that ride up that were killing my balls, trying to not lie on that knot for tying my hospital gown and i realized i was too tall for th streatcher bed. My feet hanged off and it drove me nuts. I wondered if left like that for a long time, would gravity cause my feet to crack and fall off.

Eventually after some really serious and creepy anestisia 55 year old guy asked me repetive questions, i was ready to be carted out. I think the guy askes the same stupid questions to get a feel on how dumb you are so he can disregard stupid shit you say when you come out of anestisia. Then another male anstesiaologist came along and took me out to the procedure room not realizing the other one was there and he needed to take lunch. HE asked me how he was steering nad i said ti was better than the nurse last time that crashed me into a wall. he kept explaining whoever designed them never used them and so forth till i was like "i get it". about five times he kept repeating how hard they are to steer. then he put those heart rate monitor stickers on my chest and commented on my chest hair. I really dont think i qualify as the "hairest person hes ever seen". lots of people have way more chest hair than me. then he kept wondering outloud if back hair keeps one cooler in the summer or hotter. Finally someone got rid of him and sent him to lunch.

THey make you lie on your left side and put a gag in your mouth that has a hole in it. The purpose is to keep you from biting the scope while they are doing the procedure. I imagine it would be good if you wanted to orally rape someone but are afraid they will bite. They should have those things in prison but tehy could be turned inot a slingshot i guess. Then you have to wait for the anestisia to set in. This is while you are lying there on your side looking up and seeing your doctor who seems to be awkwardly avoiding eyecontact. its really weird. He seemed to be also hurrying the anestisialogist to make me get knocked out quicker to stop the awkward ness of me staring at him with a green gag and a hole in it in my mouth. "i know what ill do" i thought, "ill make this less awkward". within a few seconds, i felt the anestisia hit, its awesome, and i went "yup here it comes". I dont knwo if it worked cause i passed out. Anestiaisa is great. the first time i had it wehn i was in college, i sat up and looked around and saw people yelling to lie back down.

THe procedure is ten minutes long about and i woke up and the doctor said i seem fine. I was wheeled into the recovery room which is all the stretcher beds lined up behind curtians. They put mine in front of the bathroom door, kinda torturing me caue i really ahd to pee all that IV i interveniously drank. Then they bring your girlfriend to sti with you and poke your face and stuff. I heard that guy born in 1945 who plays platform tennis was behind the curtian next to me. He was a colostomy patient and i could keep hearing him fart. You fart non smelly air when you get a colonoscopy cause they pump it up with air so the scope can turn corners and such. I complained there were too many Colonoscopy patients around me farting and i wanted to be near endoscopy people. it sucked having to lie there for an hour before i could be released.eventually the doctor showed up to repeat that everything was normal pending a bacteria test (no bacteria). he talked to my girlfriend in case i forgot. he stood by my feet, touching my ankel with his hand. It was nice he touched my ankle, it made me feel important. if he touched my feet and put wieght on them i d be mad cause they were still dangling off the bed and i was worried theyd crack off.

I kept sitting up cause i saw that seemed to piss off the nurses who were all sitting there near me. eventually they gave me a crappy roll and some apple juice and told my girlfirned to get her car out front to pick me up after 45 minutes. I went to the bathroom after changing into my cloths and walked towards the door, staring at the chatting nurses who seemed to not notice, while i wondered what to do. I made it to the door and the lesbian head one yelled at me and said to sit down at some waiting area i never noticed. Then another one said i ahd to be escorted out and my girlfrned needs to be out front ot pick me up. Stupid nurse didnt realize she already sent her to do that and dragged me to the nurse station so she could call her. She then was stupid enough to ask me what my girlfriends cell phone number was. I told her i have no idea, its Kristen on my address book in my phone. THen they realized she was out there and i left. We went to a diner and i had a big breakfast.

That was friday. i was very cranky and tired afterwards. saterday was fun cause me and the girlfriend went bike riding. Then later on that night i drank beers and watched cops , and played Wii. the next day we went to her sisters house to go swiming with her family. I splashed a six year old repeateldy, convinced a nine year old to spray people with a cold garden hose and helped make balloons in a water balloon fight. Water balloons suck and dont break when you hit someone. they break on teh slightest touch of a blade of grass or pavement but not weh thrown at any body part but someones feet. the best method i found was to chuck one at the top of a garage over peoples heads.

Later on someone said "hey mike, you want to see a dead frog we found in the pool filter?" I said "why yes, i would like that" and saw a dead frog. IT kept growing grey spots on it and people were complaining. My girfreinds sister yelled to her husband that she needed three bags or such to throw it away. I interviened and gave it a proper burial in the garden.

Later on someone was like "hey mike you want to see a praying mantis eating a bee" and i was like "why yes i would" and saw a praying mantis eat a bee. it was neat. later on id be smoking next to the flowers and watched a bee i was mentally pushing near the Praying Mantis get caught and eaten. The praying mantis just hold them tight wti there sharp arms and crush the bee and then remove the stinger like we remove shrimp tails. The praying mantis seemed ot stare at me pissed off. they have spiderman like eyes and no eyeballs but i could tell it was pissed.

Eventuall ythe whole family was in the tv room ready to watch teh wedding video from the sisters wedding. that was too much excitement to me. We left as i had a few freinds i promised to go to there labor day party and we were an hour from home. the only other person not watching the wedding viedowas the husband, who realized my girlfreind did not log out of Facebook were seh was playing farmville. He spent his time making nazi swatticas on her farm out of hay bales and other such things.

so we gowith my roommate to the party later on. as we drove on, we were listening to the radio stations top 1019 favorite songs of all time picked by people who get 20 picks and cant repeat a band. We were at 279 and this plays.

its a funny song ive been noticing at work playing lately. took me fifteen minutes to find the name of this stupid band right now so i could post the video. As we drove i pointed out how the song is funny. My roommate started talking about her dance club and about htis song and i tuned her out as is my fashion so i could think how maybe later i could make a few diffrently filled beer bottles along with a spoon or something and play the song while horribly singing. i think the band uses a Xeolophone but beer bottles would suffice.

I played a lot of beer pong and did decent. My freind who was a bartender gave me some free beer stuff i dint want. One was a beer holder cozy that is in the shape of a NEw York Jets jersey. I was going to burn it in the bonfire but i thought football season is starting next week so when i go to root for the bucs, surrounded by obnoxius cowboy fans and am in hell, i can give the beer cozy jersey to my freind funny ron, who is short. Ill say "hey ron, i found a jersey that will fit you but the neckhole may be too small for you giant bulbous head". that will cheer me up.

My beer was really cold cause i did what "mythbusters" said and use salt water with ice to make it super cold. i brought my personal cooler and wrote "property of (my name)" on it with a little skull. I should have used a sharpie and not a big "marks a lot" marker cause it smeared anad people sat on it and got black stuff on there asses, perhaps even my name in reverse form. My hands were really cold from my cold mythbuster beer. Thats why my firend got the cozy.

Later on we played the best players at beer pong. i was wearing my orange buccaneer jersey and this jerk kept calling me "syracuse" or "autumn". i told him its a nice orange buccaneer jersye but he kept taunting me. Eventually i got a little mad and wehn he called me autumn or maybe it was halloween i said "your the one who looks like you like candy" refering to his size. Hes not fat but hes big. he said he didnt like that. I told someone id punch ihm in the head. then i realized it was my friends brother i met once and i liked the guy so it was all good.

i drank a lot of bud light and we all took a taxi home after i harrased my friends cat and such. I then went to bed and had a dream i was in a castle room with no door and i really had to pee but couldnt feel a door. I kinda remember sleep walking and tocuhing my closet doors a lot. THen i decided to pee on the castle floor in my sleepwalking dream. I remember that loud liquid on a floor and garbage can sound and hearing my girlfriend go "what are you doing" much like a few months ago. I realized where i was kinda and i wasnt in a castle but by my door in my room and she was awake so i tried to pee quietier. she yelled something again and thne i guess i went to the bathroom, now aware of were the doors were. the next day was not a good day to wear socks while walking into my doorway.

Next day was hangover monday. then i had to go to my parents and granparents for a barbueque. Later on my grandma started laying inot my dad about his weight and i got out of there.

before i go, i mentioned i was going to a wedding two weeks ago and heard a rumor the bride and groom werent into each other and idnt want to go. IT was boring and they had food but you had to wait forever for it. heres a picture i took of my table.

THis features our name tag that i added sharp metal to as to surprise the cleaner up people. the metal was from decrative wedidng bands that were all over everything. Also you can see they gave me my sprite in a beer mug with a tiny straw htat was too small for the mug. And you can see i arranged all the colorful sugar packets into a rainbow like pattern to make it prettier. The fun part of going ot weddings fo people you met only once (and they dont remember meeting you, i only rememberd them cause i ws told i would be dragged to there wedding) is leavin g the church and saying "congradulations" and thinking of anything to say. the best man introduced himself and the rest after ignored me. I creeped out the bride of honor i think. Hopefully i can avoid weddings for a while.

11:51 PM

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Friday, September 04, 2009

Pro and Con: Colostomy Bags.

Dear myspace reader. i was thinking about colostomy bags today and rotten featured a story on one. I spent more time thinkgin about how to make a seqway into colostomy bags mroe than the actual things. I was only thinking of colostomy bags casue i was thinking about the Colonoscopy i had last year and how that could have been the worse outcome. I was thinking about the colonoscopy casue tommorow i have to have a endooscopy to check my stomach. THats were they knock you out and put a tube down your throat. Its nice cause you dont have to drink that stuff that makes you shit your brains out the night before like a colonscopy. (Ill say this one more time, when you start to think you need to use the baby wipes, its already too late). PErhaps i ll do a blog to make it more comforatable in case you haveto do it like i did for my colonoscopy prep were i put updates in a rotten thread as much as possible. anywhoo....

There Will Be No Snacking In This Court
Cincinnati Enquirer | Submitted by: cyran0
"Orr made a spectacle of taking his colostomy bag, worn on the outside of his body to collect his waste, and placing it on the table. He then squeezed it and looked to be eating it... It appeared he was eating his own [feces] at the table,"... Prem admitted he almost vomited up while watching Orr's antics but suspects they were done with a purpose. "He's a con man. He has over 50 aliases and has convictions in Ohio and New York for thefts and robberies."

click here for story

From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 3-Sep-2009 17:09

I was ironically thinking about colostomy bags today at work. nice to see a great article on it. i was thinking about all the advantages and disadvaantages of having a colostomy bag. i quickly skimmed a wikipedia article to learn more about them. heres some pro and cons.

Pro: easy access to a ready made weapon that will fend off any attacker (unless you havent pooped yet).

Pro: If you get jailed with a colostomy bag, the guy raping you from behind will have to be very gentle or risk popping it in the throughs of passion.

Con: They put a metal hanging plate on your side to hold the bag. this may cause delays in metal detector security lines. However once led through after an embarressing explanation or the prefered grabbing feces and threating the guard with it,(see Pro #1) you can brag you brought a weapon into a secure airport.

Con: you cant sleep on your side unless you have an extend-a-tube that goes from your side ot a bag out of the way on the floor. However that tube can kink so it better be sturdy or you might pop if you poop in the night.

Pro: You can have two connecting colostomy bags, (much like a dual fuel tank in a van for long trips) and mount them on your chest. This will either make you real muscaular and chesty looking or look like you have boobs (that get bigger as the night goes on). Unfortuanly due to gravity, you may have to walk on your hands upside down for fecal matter to not stay lodged in tubes below mounting plate on side.

Pro/con: some colostomy bags have a vent for gas. gas that is released from a poop sac is much worse than regular gas. impressive for guys, gross for girls.

Con:IF you find gas embarressing, you might opt to go everywhere with a dog to blame it on. From the signs ive read on stores, they only allow seeing eye dogs in banks and such. THus you would have to pretend to be blind. If youre a real moron who is faking blindness the hard way (eye patches), you may find you wlak into objects, some sharp that pop your colostomy bag all over your expensive seeing eye dog.

Con" colostomy bags make your underwear straps wear out real quick. also you cant be cool and wear your pants down to your ankles.

COn: It floats when you go swimming.

Con: some guys feel real insecure with a colostomy bag and push it towards there crotch to make them look more endowed figuring whatever chic is attracted to it will come around and accept him when he tells her the truth. evne worse is it does not make him look penilly endowned, it makes his crotch look like a fat mound like those fat guys get, that makes you think too much about what it must look like down there. (i picture a flattened out penis from the top that covers the crotch area like a ginat pimple, the purple head being the white head)

Pro: You can play a real mean joke on fellow skydivers you dont like if your the first one out of the plane.

Con: the blue toilet pills, "2000 flushes" doesnt fit in the bag, niether does urinal mints.

Con: having diarehha is like filling up a glass with Coca Cola too fast and nervously going "oh god dont go over"

Pro/con: the colostomy bag tube fits nicely in any standard helium balloon filling tank (ecspecially the ones shaped like clowns in a wallmart that you fill on there mouth that has the nozzle sticking out of it) but your hopes are ruined wehn you realize helium doenst make your waste talk funny.

Pro: no one wants to tackle you in football and no one wants to get a puck past you if your a golie cause they d rather hit the bag.

Con: you can fly on a plane and tell the person with a barf bag next to you that there little barf bag is primitive.

4:41 AM

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

random crap

Good news, i was playing farmville on face book and realized you automatically get a dollar for something for some reason. in any case, i had 7 and that was enough for a blue outhouse. Im real happy. it reminds me of my smurf blue car. What does bother me is the game isnt realistic. Theres no drought, no insects, none of the stuff real farmers do. I play a lot of strategy games on Club Pogo which transformed me into really thinking a lot. I think too much for farmville. The cows have three options, you can move them, harvest the milk when time is right, or pet them. Petting them only seems to make them moo. I thought it would make them produce more coins or quicker. I remember my grandfather mentioning his older brother Len (this guy was scary) was a poor dairy farmer cause his cows produced bad milk due ot his punching them. Uncle len would be 110 or so right now and anyone who lived 100 years ago tends to be a dick. Anyhow petting i thought was the oppiste of punching but it really doenst do anything.

I had a great day at work today. I worked sunday and really got ahead. Unfortuanlty everything i did was just sittng there cause the bosses worthless spoiled brat kid kenw hed be busy and didnt show up. However i didnt have him around to annoy the hell out of me. He hocks loogies and spits in my garbage can all the time. He complains, doesnt listen, has OCD and cleans non stop instead of doing something that involves profit making. He comes back from lunch sweating and all hyper for some drug related reason. Drives me insane. So without him there , i can do my crap, realize i like my job, and jsut think. i thought of farmville and how i can improve it or do something really special. I was thinking of red and yellow hay bales surrounding my whole farm or making a big innitail in the plants for my name when it hit me, crop circles. Maybe a crop circle-like penis shape. then i thought dirty words. why not just write penis in farm plots. Penis is a big word and then i thought Balls would be funnier and isnt too dirty faceboook would cancel my account for being offensive. ANyhow heres a pic of what i got.....

I made sure to post it in my status for everyone to see. Though im my real self on facebook, sirbutlust and his mentally ill self is starting to poke out. I put a caption that read "Mentally ill farmer mike becomes rich, thus excentric, and plows over his field to make awkward moments for Farmvilles Scenic Arial Tours using dirty word -like crop circles." im loosing valuble farm estate and feel like im Kevin Costner in feild of dreams. i really dont have any bills like he did on his farm so i can get by. "if you make a balls sign, airplanes will see it" . sounds like a good movie. Its about a stubborn old slighlty excentric farmer with tourettes, who fights for his right to have dirty words in his cornfield and people are trying to stop him.

In other news, heres a new funny song ive been hearing now and then at work on the radio.

Hopefully "embed" means it will put the youtube viedo in my blog here. This song cracks me up. Its called "the great defector" and is by Bell X1. The part where he goes sing ing fast and unaudible in the begining with "blah blah blah-a-blah i love the color of it all doo doo da dododa" or the "whiny funny part". i was like what makes this so funny then wehn i looked it up i realized they are irish. ha ha funny. i just noticed it has clapping, ha ha ha. (im listening to it as i type this).

While at the bar friday night, i told the girlfriend i found out hte name of the band with the funny "defector " song. Having no idea what i was talking about i then told her i forgot the name of the band but its named after a airforce plane or something. Fortuanly she had one of those blackberry things that i hate but was useful this one night and found out hte name of the band. I walked to the jukebox noticing Jimi hendrix was playing kinda lightly. this may mean its back ground music and when i put mine in, JImmy hendrix will stop and my song will come on. This made me nervois cause the biker looking big owner of the bar was sitting right by the juke box and i didnt want him to know i was playing that. I tiptoed not htat would really do anything and covered it like i was one of those guys almost humping the urinal to avoid people seeing there penis and played the song and did a "napoleon dynomite" run away. turns out Jiimi was requested, it was just being played light cause the two bartenders sucked.

There was the new guy, some tall dude who avoided eye contact with anyone who needed a beer and the red haired curly jewihs looking lady who also avoided eye contact. I had to wait forever for a beer a few times. I d put my empty beer on the rail and you know what hte bitch did? She grabbed it, not looking up to see if anyone is there such as me , and threw it away, avoiding eyecontact as if she was seeing right over and through me. Im amazed when this happens, do you stupid bartenders even consider someone put that beer there and needs another, do you even look? So done with that rant, i had my littel Bell X1 song on. i said to my girlfrend "isnt this funny" and she was like "no.".

She went to the bathroom and i was trying to hear the song thinkng how they ahve speakers in the bathrooma and they are by the jukebox so she wont miss a second of the hilarity. She was gone for a while. she was playing her own mostly non funny songs. She did play Rhinestats (sp?) "du hous" and nice heavy angry song in german. SHe remembered how i told her my roommates evil white cat comes running when he hears that song or any German in general (i call the cat little hitler). I showed how i sing the song "He is a little kitty cat, white ear black ear, nien nein nein solomon, due haus, solomon" and it goes on like that. Funny a german possible recarnation in kitty form of hitler or possibly gobbles has a jewish name like solomon. the shelter gave it to him. In a moment of irony i learned at the cat shelter they had a kitty cat with the curly sideburns, beard and little hat was named adolph.

So anyhow heres a list of non funny songs my girlfriend made me listen to. ( i borrowed her pen and took notes on a coupon, it was hard casue she would keep trying to see what i was writing)

1.That stupid Black crows band with that "she talks to angels" wuss song. THey are as bad as lenny kravitz.

2.Kings of Leon. i hear them everyday but forget what they sing. seem popular but not funny.

3.Journey - that "highway run" song. not funny.

But then seh played tool, i forget which song, it wasnt stinkfist or the intermission songs which are my favorite but it was good . I also like all of Undertow but "sober" and teh "were going to miss you" song i want for my funeral. Then while i was peeing, Bloodhound Gangs "pennslvania" came on and i remember looking down and seeing i was peeing harder cause i was so happy and started singing along in the bathroom. i think iw as pretty buzzed by then.

I shared some deep conversation about musci with my girlfriend to drown out the sound of the Black Crows when that train wreck was playing. I told her about htis song i heard a twork and i thought it was possibly "The Who",another band i hate , and the lyrics went "it might open a door, it might open a door , to your heart doot doot doot to your heart doot doot" and she knew the song but said she thinks its peter gabriel. I think shes nuts. But i did confide when i hear the song, a little voice in my head goes "it might open a door to your fart, toot toot toot". I thought that was much better. im very deep.

I learned a lot that night about my dog from some drunk kid that showed up who was trying to pick up chics all night at the bar (unsuccessfully). he seemed real weird but was a dog trainer so he told me how to handle my beagle and why he does what he does. We were outside smoking and some jewish girls he was trying to pick up by talkin g bout dog training, started to leave, leaving one behind. I heard the one who was staying yell "Ill eat you out later" then she got nervoius and said "see you later". the dog trainer guy was good enough to point this out to her so i didnt think i was crazy and i was hearing correctly THe chic went inside to her friend and he told me that the chic who was inside was a curly haired redhead ugly jewish lesbain who was her lover and the head one. Thats odd cause the one outside was hot so it was a odd match. I walked in and realized he might be right when i saw the chic. Then the dog trainer guy came over to talk to me and my girlfrned. THe lady bartender hwo just finished counting her tips for the past hour and igonoring me walked by and whispered to me "this guy is wierd" and walked to her friend to go drink. I tlaked to the guy mroe about controlling my dog and then about thelesbians. I was saying something about lesbians real loud apparently and he said "they just heard you" and I pretended to stare at the bartender who was now drinking with a female freind hoping the jewish lesbians thought i was talking about them instead. Then that guy asked me what he bartender said to me and i told him she said he was weird. He actually got upset over that and i was like "were all werid in our own way" but he seemed to not think so. maybe he realized he was extra weird, but probably not . he probably thought he was normal. as me and my girlfriend entered our taxi, he was smoking outside begign us to visit his house in Pennsylavania. HE gave me his address for facebook and i threw it out later.

12:38 AM

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Saturday, August 22, 2009

various crap (with crappy pictures)

Last week on friday night, i went to the bar with my roommate to see a high school friends band play. He's the drummer and is pretty good. He won battle of the band contests all the time in high school with his band (that had that stupid constine amercian idol guy who sang for it) he also was playing cruise ships for a long time. sounds like a nice job. Unfortunatly he wasnt there and they hada replacement drummer. THey play herbie hancock type stuff and the new drummer wasnt as good. His name was Andre. My roommates freind Dave was there. she used to date him but hes one of those real good looking guys who get by on looks and not much else. Hes incredibly stupid and i fear burnt out.

I told him how odd it was that the drummers name is andre. I also told my roommate who likes blond haired guys that if she wanted to pick up Andre the 16 year old looking drummer, she could use a funny line like "can i have 'dinner with andre'". see thats the name of a crappy movie from the early 80's. i watched some of it a while back. Its two guys at dinner talking for about three hours about stuff. One of the guys is that bad guy in the movie "Princess bride" , the head kidnapper that always goes "inconcievable". I told Dave that isnt it odd that guy in the "PRincess bride" would be in two moives with the name "andre " in it (andre the giant in princess bride). what are the odds?

Dave in his finest stoner burnt out voice after asking al ot of "huhs" and "oh yeah, no wait" said "wow thats crazy but what was the name of that guy?" and i was like "the inconcievable guy on princess bride" and he was like "yeah man that was paul newman i think" and i was like "what, no ". I then turned to my roommate and her freind who was previously inquiring about dave cause seh wondered if he was a jerk cause of how he handled dating my roommate(i explained the dumb burnt out thing) and told them what he said. We noticed now that some very attractive young girl was sitting next to dave, sitting there facing towards him waiting for him to notice. She had her head tilted up and her body lanugage was strong. She looked like one of those relieved arthritis chicks in ocmmercials, just not old. Dave never noticed.

Me and my roommate bumped into dave while hiking last yearand they started hanging out. HE was sunbathing on a rock by the lake with George, someone i know well. George is even more burnt out than dave. George may be mildly retarded or just did too much acid. George is the guy who when i was 22 kept bugging me to play darts wehn i was on a dinner date at a bar. George was the comedy relief that day cause he was telling us how he hooked up with some chic at a bar, and went to her house that night. He tried on all her clothes and ripped one as he is stocky. we asked why he does it and he says its fun and not gay. Heres a picture of dave eating, george facing away and funny ron lingering in the back much like a Brian Peppers photoshopped picture. REmember people, pot can hurt your brain longterm.

Onto other topics , this thursday was my grandpas 93rd birthday. it may be his last as he is getting weaker from his heart. he hada pig valve put in five years ago. DOctors say he seems fine but he gets tired a lot and is real pissed off he cant work all day in his yard anymore. So me and my girlfriend show up after work and visit for cake. I got him a set of front wheels for his lawnmower. he likes lawn gifts, its his pride and joy though i now do the mowing for him. He complaineda lot about crab grass showing up. My mom and dad showed up and then my brother in law and sister.

The best part was the card my brother in law got. MY grandpa read it and it said soemthing like "your an example of heaven being on earth" or the gist of that. I looked at the oddly folded cardand thought it was like one of those Mad Magizine fold ins they do on teh back cover. I grabbed it and said "is this like a mad fold in" and noticed it was a picture of water , kinda like a waterfall or water being drained. IT was pretty but in my sick head i saw a lot of odd things in the water patterens. IF you held the card together in the front, you clearly saw a "aquaman" a ugly man with a fish face and human body. inside the card i sawa big crab, like spongebobs boss. it also resesembled a Uterus but we kept that to ourselves. People besides me started grabbing the card and i showed them the aqua man and crab. this seemed to be bothering my brother in law cause the message of the card was being lost on my seeing crap in pictures. My mom saw the crab and then my grandma grabbed it and chimed in and goes "ohh i see what your saying, this here looks like ..." then my brother in law goes "good god, its just water" and kinda flipped out. Tons of fun.

Then i learned my mom and dad visited his brother, the dreaded Uncle Bill who l lived with in Pennsvavnia for college. Uncle bill got sick of me real quick living there. We are very alike. He even has the same beard as me (multicolored) and tend to find most peopple greedy and scummy much like me. BTW i m growing a beard. heres a sketch of it....

So it turns out Uncle Bill is obsessive compulsive just like my dad and thinks a riot is on the horizon, and i totally agree. Uncle bill however owns a pussy willow farm and florist and has money to stock his basement with guns, bullets, canned meat, water and other fun stuff. Hes also buying motercycles a lot. My mom apparently pointed out his house has a lot of windows and this concerned him till she suggested old west shutters you can close over the windows wit ha skinny hole to shoot out of. he liked this idea.

IF uncle bill still talked to me, hed like my idea better. He just got rid of his pool and i told my mom he should have not filled it with dirt and put a lawn over it. What he should have done is covered it but make it a underground shelter with secret tunnels to come up and shoot people. My girlfrned says i should call him and visit him and my aunt someday. He sounds liek hes more fun now than he used ot be with me.

Last week i also started a Farmville account on my facebook page. In one week i have 30 grand and a lot of stuff. this weekend is "Superberry" weekend and for ten coins you get to grow berrys that pay off 100 coins in only two hours. SO every two hours i m going on facebook and going through the tediously long harvesting, replowing the soil boxes one at a time and replaniting the superberries for more profit. My farm is a nice farm but i learned all the cool stuff you can buy that has facebook money not the coins, actually requires you to buy it on paypal which is really stupid. Im not paying forty bucks for fake money to buy a bigger house than what the regular game earned coins buy you. the outshouse that requires real money to purchase is tempting though.

Sometimes i wonder what my friends will think of me when they see me posting awards from farmville up. THe producer who i m working with on that commercial i wrote might see it and wonder if im up for more weird writing or have i lost it and becoming like other people who wile away on facebook. Speaking of which, i wrote the whole screenplay for my video and hes now editing it. i finally heard bck from him. hes real busy. ive been waiting about two weeks now to have a sit down with him and discuss everything. Kinda sucks but a busy producer is much better than one that has all the time in the world i guess.

Im ending this blog for now. i plan to write one real soon about going out last night to the bar. i have to chekc on my superberries.

5:48 PM

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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

sirbutlust empties a posible mob guys house

To celebrate today, August 11th 2009, which is the 40th birthday of the first kitty cat (and only female) cat i lived with, becky, i thought i would write a blog.
I have nothing interesting to write about so ill do a update on my sidework, which is occasionally helping out my former coworker and now independent handyman, Rich.

Once again i found myself in a large house that me and Rich have worked at a few times. THe owner lives in Massachuchetts and this is his old house he wants to rent out. I help rich now and then wehn he does work to fix it up. One time i helped Rich put in a Sidewalk, which you should remember cause i wrote a blog about it and how stupid rich didnt set up the forms so I spent all day doing taht and not playing with concrete. Also that day while digging i found a hole that led underground and it was surrounded by foam baord for some reaosn. When questioniong it over the phone ot the owner, he said there is nothing there and just go over it. I really wanted to dig further and find a corpse. This is why i really think the guy is in the mob or was. He owns way to much and get this , he owns a concrete buisiness. Why would someone who onwns a concrete business have rich and ecxspecially me fix a sidewalk?

One time recently me and rich painted the inside of the garage. This time my job was to help rich move everything out of some rooms so the new people can move in. I do it for free as rich is helping me fix my bathroom with the black mold and crappy sheetrock. I wish i never punched that hole in the wall one drunken night in 2002. The perk of this job is i get to keep anythig i want.

Blistering hot out, at 7:30 at night i showed up and Rich promised it would only take an hour. RIch is always off on time. We putzed around the peoples kitchens making sure the cabinets were empty. I found stuff i would take walking around going "Mine mine mine". Dog food cans and a bag of dry dog food to donate to the shelter, a stainless steel wok, coffee filter s for my roommate, salt, kleenex, pasta, for some reason a can of black olives and a half can of ovaltine (which i never tried in my life and still wont, and it also caused rich to go "why do they call it ovaltine, shouldnt it be circleteen, wait you dont watch sienfeld" to which i replied monotonly "i watch senifeld, im familiar with his works, very good"), golf balls, a shitload of corn on the cob holders still in package, Lava degreaser soap, a neat pen and baked beans. i wasnt allowed ot have the three rolls of bounty towels. We smoked some cigarettes suing there old dishes as an ashtray as is our fashion and went upstairs. There is no airconditioning and it was really hot.

THere was about three desks with shelfs made out of boards, boxes and a king size bed. I started taking stuff and stuffing them into my Neon. I got some neat storage shelfs that are plastic for outside, three matching garbage cans that have that foot pedal for recycling, a party tent in a rolling canvas bag, a desk lamp, a caligraphy set, a clipboard, a tv thats just like my tv but it doesnt have a little scratch that pisses you off during hockey watching, a drop light, and other small junk. I found a crap load of stuff i needed last month like an extension cord.

The heat lamps were tempting but a fire hazard and cats have fried jumping on them. I found a box with books and junk and really contemplated this big book called "making and fixing your own golf clubs" cause who wouldnt want a conversation starter like that. People would be like "hey sirbutlust you fix golf clubs and make your own golf clubs" and i d be like "no". I picked up the book and all the sudden saw it was hiding four baseballs that were shrunk wrapped and autographed. i read them out loud, "don drysdale, mickey mantle, joe dimaggio, and sandy Kofaux.". i contemplated this and then yelled "JACKPOT" to rich who was unscrewing a big metal desk for the past hour. He said the owner said thats one thing hes not letting anyone take . THat was unfortunate, those balls are worth thousands probably. Rich then went into a detailed account of his collectibles and how his "Derek Jeter" balls are really rare and so forth.

Sweating profusly and hearing thunder but no rain which i was hoping for, we were on the home stretch during hour 3 at 9:30. The king sized bed. A king sized bed mattress is big and hard to grab when they have no handles. We bent it in half somehow having to keep it bent using sheer muscle while pulling it throug a door way and down a set of 90 degree angle stairs. It was old and blue and had some sort of rust like stains and seemed really disgusting. Once i pried it from the ceiling and the stairs, it sprung at me and threw me across the room, probably launching its bed ridden germs at me as well. I never want ot talk of it agian.

Disgusting and grimey, i contemplated the Paper shredder but rich said that the guy was keeping that too. I was upset but my Neon was packed to the gills. I just wanted to leave anyway. I smelled, was soaked in sweat, felt the dingyness of the mattress on me, and could still smell the house on me. THe house had a abondoned smell combined with the smell of old people. I got in my car and drove ten miles home hoping a cop wouldnt stop me cause i looked like i robbed a house and they might not buy my story.

Not sure what im going to do with all the stuff. I threw out the bottle of vegtible oil that was half full and kinda melted. most of the food will get donated. I can smell the old people on it. I guess what i learned through all this is that though the owner said we could have anything, it still felt like robbing a house. Kudos to robbers as thats a lot of lifting , expsecially if you have to pack it in a car and not be noticed. The owner is driving down today to go over what stays and what gets chucked and hopefully he doesnt want anythign back htat i took. However word is if i did, he said he knows were to find me.

As for today, i saw my girlfriend for the first time in about a week and a half. SHe went away this weekend. We were going to use our 15 dollars Houlihans coupon tonight but she left it home and thats half an hour away so i'd rather jsut go eat and pay the extra 15 bucks. Food was good and we got home. THere was no roommate, she was at the park with the dogs, it was romantic and then seh went to the bathroom. I noticed a weird car pull up in my parking lot nd heard banging on the door. It was some desheveled lady who was wondering if i had the key for the Dog Kennell downstairs. Apparently one of the new workers told ehr i did. I explained im not affiliated with the kennel, its just my landlord. She explained that she wants her dog back cause of guilt and it was clawing the cage so bad it was bleeding when she left. I explained that they have no one down there from the afternoon till the next morning. She gave me this big speech on how shell get the cops and firedepartemnt to break in or do it with her boyfriend. I said i dont know the vets home phone number. It was fun, people are crazy. THis lady was really crazy. Her boyfreind looked like a pennsylavnia redneck so thats what kept me polite. Its nice wehn people downstairs dont want people to know they arnet there 24/7 so they say the people upstairs such as me are in charge if anything happens, just to fool the people. The stupid customeres should know better no ones there cause they post the hours. I wish my italian tempermental roommate was home cause shes scared the shit out of people hwo show up demanding there dogs be releaesed at non operating hours. So that being said, if you have a dog, and you put it in a kennell, it will most likely be like a jail sentence for it. dogs dont like it but its cheaper than hiring someone to wathc it all the time. ANd if your dog does cause a ruckess and start doing stuff like this ladies dog, they usually just give it a shot that tires it out and sedates it.

Thats the end of my uninteresting blog. happy birthday ot Becky the cat (diseased in january of 1987) a calico that i used as a pillow and had a brown marking on her head that lookied like a donkeys head. I have a picture of me resting my head on her in front of a radiator when i was three. i ll try to find it.

Oh and one more thing, i found a way to make stinkbombs that smell of the foulest rotten eggs but not using eggs. Just like the regular ones but i can offer it in a bottle as large as one of those small gatorade bottles. 10 dollars a bottle. inquire me with your said stinkbomb needs.

1:34 AM

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Saturday, August 08, 2009

my friday night out.

I come to my blog today confused as im positive i wrote a blog last night but its not there. Must have accidently shut myspace while it was in the preview mode and never hit publish blog. I had the perfect fun night planned last night. My girlfreind would come over, we would eat at houlihans with her 15 dollar off coupon, i would get a blue and black burger, maybe some spinach dip and we would go home and drink beer on the deck and maybe play rummikube or something. Then i realized she was going to her sisters. My roommate was blah blah blahing on her cell phone so i got the hell out of there nad went to the bar.

They hadsome band playing crap music. I stood there watching them and glancing at the redsox yankee game everyone was facinated with. I noticed a redsox players last name was Reddick. i giggled and there was no one listening to me about how funny that is. I talked to my buddy pete about my beard im growing. he suggested a conditioner called "horse mane and tail". it s for horses. it makes hair really soft. it was a huge bottle though and i m still using Herbal essances "orchid with a hint of coconut." The cocanut is overpowering and i smell of coconuts. Pete also suggested something called Bagbomb for dry skin. Petes a landscaper but wehn it comes to personal grooming, he is an expert. I told him how i tried that Dead sea salt they sell in mall walkways and how the jewish guy kept rubbing it on my hands and my girlfrineds mom noticed that a few chirstmas's ago and said "i saw mike holding hands with some jew at the mall.".

Anyhow i was having really briliant observations and wanted to remember them . I thought of two genius obsevations while peeing in the bathroom. i told myself to remember them but i forgot. I then asked the owner for a pen and he gave me one. Its one of those black cleartubed pens that are the best pens you can have for cheap disposable ones. He let me keep it, i was so happy. i grabbed a "take out menu" and started writing down observations figuring this will make my drunken blog more interesting and i wont forget stuff. As you can see by my typing , its not a drunken blog, per say but rather a recolection of a drunken night.

The band was really loud. some friends of the band brought in kids to watch. The one two year old boy with his hands over his ears looking like he was about ot cry seemed to be having a great time. The drummer looked like the semi retarded kid that lives in a apartmetn with his mother nad retarded younger brother. the moms a bag lady who wears lots of big afgan like scarves that cover her whole head. The drummer had long sideburns and seemed retarded himself. i dont like bands were all four guys have microphones in front of them. he mentioned something about his wife who was there. His drum set seemed really tiny and had "sto mpen drago n" and a dragon painted on the small bass drum thing. The lead singer had someweird dress up jacket with drawings on it and swayed a lot like elvis when he sang. the other two guys were just regular wierners. THey played cover songs like collective soul or bon jovi, not playing the good songs but the carppy ones. They played that Jimmy eat world song were "everythings going to be allright" i wanted one of the funny songs.

The damn bands friends took up the whole area that you go through to go to the bathroom . i contemplated lifting my short legs and just peeing there but my shorts are in style and the legs are below my knees. SHorts below your knees = difficulty raising them for a quick stand up secret pee. I didnt drink a ton of beers but i do remember being really polite and saying "thank you" all the time and "please " to the bartender. I made sure he noted thisa nd pointed out the other people who dont say thank you.

Eventualy the stupid band wanted to have people dance but they were scared. they were in luck, this guy named Walt showed up. Ive learned that Walt is a guy who got divorsed and became one of those drunks whose life went down the crapper. Walt can sit at the bar in a packed room and the seats around him will be empty. He always used to bug me to play songs on the jukebox for him cause he didnt know how. He'd give me 10 bucs and say "play skinnard or kid rock" and i'd be like "really". once i slipped Static X in there and he knew. I felt bad but was impressed that though he s a mess, he noticed. heres some pictures i took of walt with my cellphone, which oboivously sucks, doesnt have a flash and a very slow shutter speed.

walt dancing

walt eating.

so i gave up and drew a picture. note his bald head, mustache and gray shirt that is plastered to his torso. Note as well his short docker shorts with bony knees and pale skin.

So walt decided to dance. He kinda walked up hunched over with his hands up, like hes sneaking through a wartime trench, occaionally standing up fully with arms up clapping. think its called raising the roof. IT was something and all the regulars and the workers at the bar seemed shocked and worried, yet humored.

Meanwhile a freind of mine had a brilliant idea to talk to a client on the cellphone in the bathroom. The bartender came in and asked how much it cost s for a blowjob and we joked about it. Other people took advantage of this and yelled at the guy on the cellphone or flushed the toilet loud making his buisness call fail. Dont do this. IT also led to another guy getting pissy casue the bartender said the same thing to that guy after i left and that guy cant take a joke about being gay. He stormed out of the bar. hes called angry mark for a reason. His vainty license plate is "angree". He drives over curbs nad flips people off i hear.

The band kept playing cuae they said they would play till the yankee game was over. it went to 15 or so innings in a 0-0 tie till stupid arod hit a homer. Yankees seem to make comebacks anytime i happen to watch them. i have to stop that. I went up to the lead singer who was exhausted and told him how great i thought they were. i asked what the name of his band was. HE told me and pointed to the name on the drum. i said "oh i thought that was the name of your drum set". HIlarious.by now it was 1230 or so and the little kids were finally leaving and the bar started to die so i got a cab. IT was my favorite driver. I ran in to the 7-11 first and got junk food, two pepperoni hot pockets nad andy cap hot frieds. I sat on teh toilet today wondering wehn i will learn. BEfore i entered teh cab, i saw my buddy i see now and then, this black guy. I said "i was wondering, when i talk to you, im always talking about race relations and other black stuff. did you ever notice i refer to anyone i may be speaking about as 'this white guy'? is that odd?" he said he didnt notice. I figure when you talk to black people about someone, you should metnion they are white, expecially if your bad mouthing them so they know its some wiener. I enjoy tlaking to black people or minorities while drinking though its probbaly a bad idea as im not too politically correct and beleive makeing fun of everyone is ok forgetting you cant makef un of people if your a straight white male or its offensive. I also like playing with kitty cats when drunk too.

Speaking of black people, the love Newports or mental cigarettes. Check out this Newport ad i found in my sports illustrated.

heres a list of observations.
1. a black couple vs four whities and they are winning.
2. does this mean the black people smoke newports nad are better at tug rope than the whities who probably smoke marlboros.

3.who the hell makes these ads?

4. i hope the black people arent a couple cause the black guy and the blond chic seem to really be into each other.

5. none of them seem to be really putting any effort into this (muscle motions look gross in ads i guess) but the guy in the back really seems to suck.

6. Seems like the white people are trying to drag the black people into the water, which black people hate just as much as toalking to me while drunk (and cats as well)

7.why arent the smoking newports?

8. seems the chic in the far back is using her boobs to hold the rope.

and none of the guys have boners. Well thats the end of my blog. I covered most of my notes i took and obmitted ones that are superuseless as im now not drunk. theres also about five i have no idea what they mean. as for last nights blog, it dissappeared. i had this last time too, i did that last blog trying to find out my cat and dogs name in german and it took a week to show up for some reaosn. The main point of last nights blog is to say myspace seems to be dying and im scared it will collapse taking my blogs with it. Im offering someone the oppurtuinity to copy and paste all 861 of my blogs into a blog website that has a list of the blogs thats neatly catorgorized so i could find it. i will pay at least two hundred bucks.

have a good saterday.

8:09 PM

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Saturday, August 01, 2009

german

using the myspace translator to find out how to say my dog and cats name as one is stubborn and one is evil (like gollebs or hitler). that is all.

Lucky

Solomon

12:42 AM

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Friday, July 31, 2009

two great sites i found

THat guy who writes for the magizine that printed my drawing of the teenager on a cellphone i did hada great article. He writes about stuff like people who eat fast food and amercias obesity problme. hes been really on a tangient, much like me, about a Sonic they put in our area on a busy highway. There are no sonics really in our area. People for the past month and a half have caused massive delays, accidents, and hit a cop directing the sonic traffic all because they wnat to try that crappy food. Its one of those things that make me realize i dont fit in this world with these people. I had sonic in north carilina cause it was a quick walk from the friends house i was staying at. i wanst impressed.

THe writer has a lot of wisdom, he shared this secret on staying attractive to his wife. WHen staying at a hotel, he goes downstairs saying hes getting a paper and poops in the lobby bathroom so his wife wont smell it. Most guys just bomb it out and think the wife wont be disgusted. the writer gets preachy a lot and goes on about how he can afford all his fancy vacations and such cause he doesnt have kids and that saves him enough money to do so. He wnet on his tangent about overpopulation and his reasons for not having kids. I always thought he made a lot of sense. Babies are expensive and they turn into adults. Ive weighed this in my head a lot with the pros and cons. Frankly i think the desire to have kids is a nerulogical con job. Sometimes i hear people say there kids are the best thing ever (keeping in mind these people i hear htis from are smoking a cigarette with me outside a bar on the weekends or divorced and only see them now and then).

Heres a great site the writer refered us the readers to. they believe the earth is overpopulated and we should make ourselves extinct for the benifit of the earth. there goal is to convince people not to breed and realize it wont work but getting through to some will help.

They sound a little nutty and only one sided but htey also make some great points that i have already thought of. As the writer in the magazine said "its a lot of writing and people don t like that" but its well worth reading. Its humorous, crazy at times, lots of cartoons and makes you think. Its nice to think when it comes to breeding, some other people think like i do nad also consider humans to be the equivalnet of cancer cells. I was thinking last night about how people think they know everything or act like they will live forever and how the bible or other religions say humans are basically sinners who are just complete idiots. I'd say score one for the bible on that one.

ALso this site doenst make large paragraphs like i do so it s readable. that got me thinking too. heres the site, be sure to check out hte hilarious graph under the "biology and breeding" section with "Reasons you want a baby" "real reasons" and "alernatives". they shoot down every reason i d think i want a kid into psychological reasoning, reasoning that makes you uncomfortable sometimes casue you know they are right.

the volunteer human extinction movement (vhemt)

I'd avoid showing it to a signifigant other. My girlfriend wanted to kill the guy who wrote this. i told her they dont believe in using violence to speed up human extinction. she then wished a tornado on them and once agian, they dont wish for natural disasters or disease to speed up human extinction (though i think they wouldnt boo it). Best line in the whole site was

Q:"should i get an abortion?"

A. "only if your pregnate"

They then say there joking and give abortion statitics and so forth.

As for the other site, the writer in the magizine suggested this great site which is like Boners.com but features pictures of crappy parents. You probably could tell this from the link. here it is...

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

great stuff there. anyhow now you have a lot of reading matierial and pictures to look at.

1:02 AM

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcmRYdrr27I

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Green Day Live 7/25/09

my idiot ex-coworker singing "longview" with greenday at about 1:45. I heard booing but the people after him were much worse.

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