Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 32
Sign: Cancer
City: upwind of the stink
State: NEW JERSEY
Country: US
Signup Date: 8/19/2006
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Wednesday, July 08, 2009
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Hello. i wrote a few anniverserys ill be celebrating or forgot to celebrate for this month of july. Just doing this cause i have to wind down. been teaching myself how to write screenplays in the right format. its not easy but im slowly getting it. In the meantime , heres some great moments in history.
Today is July 7th. i was supposed to be born on this date but wasnt. it was my Due Date. As some know, my parents concieved so i would be born on July 4th 1976 and be a bicentinial baby. Due to poor math or not realizing some months have 31 or 30 days and me being to lazy to check that, my due date was the 7th. then i was born ten days late anyway. As an extra kicker, i was named mike cause my dad liked the name cause he was called Mickey and didnt realize his real name was "Don" till age 11. i figure he was called mickey cause of DOnald Duck and Mickey Mouse or who the hell knows why. I never asked cause anytime i talk to him he talks to me about coin collecting or what i will get wehn he dies, and how i have to continue collecting the new pennies quarters nickels and dimes so his collection keeps going. I also get his 1970;s slot cars, and the skyscraper plastic beams biulding set. He's a morbid man.
In ohter July events, last sunday, the 5th was the one year anniversery of a cop catching me peeing in the alley next to the bar. I'm sure if you go to July 5th or July 6th youll respectivly find a detailed drunken or hungover blog of the incredible story.
This is a happy time of year of great memories. Soon my birthday will come and i hope this year isnt like the last bunch, with the peeing thing at age 30 and the having to kill an injured chipmunk like last year.
regards, sirbutlust (age 32)
Ps. the above was posted in a bulliten. i just remembered i have that calendar i wrote what i did in from 1989. So heres some 20 year anniversery things of no intrest i noted.
In my July 1989 calendar, there is a picture on top of a painting of a beach scene with lots of people and sailboats. I drew over a lot of pictures and altered them which includes: floating corpses, feet sticking out of the water, a lady stepping in a poodles crap, a guy who has his arm on a ladys shoulder but i have him thinking how hes going to take her top off, a person that stepped on a hyperdymic needle, a drunk, a guy selling needles at a stand for 2 cents, a lifegaurd who thinks his hand is being pinched by a hot chic but its a crab, couple complainig the sun is hot but its their beach umbrella above them thats on fire, a baby requesting beer, and a dog who is imaginng a chic flying a kite is a fire hydrant. I now se a guy in a thong on a boat with another guy. i must have missed that when i was a kid.
On the 9th i was stung by a bumble bee. i guess i pushed that out of my memory. On the 8th i wnet to a party for a jamacan freind of mine in new york city at his parents restaurant. i found a coin with a naked lady. it was cool. on todays date the 7th, i pissed my dad off by doing somethign with glue. i have a lot of entrys that just say "dad mad". hes medicated now. On the 6th my grandpa brought me and my sister and a freind to Rickels and ohter hardware stores and i started my fad of stealing paint sample swatches for some reason. i also wrote the day i thought iw ould die on the sixth of july 1989. I picked September 25th 2001 (1:52 PM est). How odd if i wrote September 11th huh?
i have to go, its lighting and thudering and my power is blinking. hopethis was enjoyable.
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Sunday, July 05, 2009
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i went to philadelphia agian. Going there has been getting better and better. Quickly here is an old post i did on the problems i had with Philly in the past.
From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 29-Mar-2006 17:47
philadelphia is a beautyful city in a crappy state filled with crappy people. im saying this and im from snobville craphole, new jersey. i have been to philedelphia numerous times and have always almost got into a fight. anyone familiar with sports will tell you philedelphia has the worst fans and they seem to embrace it. they have jails and a courtroom in there staduims. they threw snowballs along wiht other stuff at a guy in a santa suit at an eagle game. wearing an opposing teams jersey at any philly game will give you the same results as wearing a pink cowboy hat and a tutu in the wild west. the worst part of philadephia is there jerkosity tends to rub off on you and make you one of them. here are some examples to prove my point of the name calling, insulting behavior, and other jerkish behavior philedelphia has caused.
may 1988liberty bell museum- sirbutlust is rudely yelled at for attemting to touch liberty bell.
march 1996 spectrum center_at a whitezombie/ramones concert, rob zombie feels the need to point out sirbutlusts drunken/stoned inability to stand by calling him a pussy and pointing him out to the gawking crowd. sirbutlust would later stand up to the crowds delight.
oct 2000 sirbutlust is in some jazz bar with some frineds when a gay guy who looked like elvin from the cosby show decides to try to pick him up assuming he is gay. instead of leaving right away sirbutlust decides to take advantage and get a free shot. the shot was really warm causing sirbutlust to feel nausous combined with the elvin guy eying him up. sirbutlust leaves right away.
oct 2000 sirbutlust has to puke outside a jazz bar after a warm shot adn an freind points to a car. the car was full of people and the freind was pointing at the car as to say there were people in it watching me so go do it in an alley. sirbutlust, not seeing the people in the car, read this pointing as 'go puke on that car itll be funny'.sirbutlust had to run a few blocks iwth his friends calling him an idiot. on a plus side, on a later taxi ride sirbutlust finally wins a game of "guess the taxi drivers ethnicity" with hte correct answer of zimbabweeian.
may 2001 sirbutlust asks for a cheesesteak "medium rare" and is given an obnoxious response from the street vender.
nov. 2003 sirbutlust is given the finger by a phildelphiaite for his wearing of an mike alstott buccaneer jersey.
december 2004 sirbutlust is forced to watch the buc-saints game on the bars tiny tv by the bathroom because the bartender said the bucs are stupid and nobody wants to watch it.
july 2007- sirbutlust signs a crap load of sirbutlust autographed cards and leaves them all over the city of philadelphia. He also gives some out, no one seems impressed or desires them.
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I had friday off so on thursday night it was really hot in my apartmetn so me and the girlfreind hanged outside on the deck. I tried burning candles while drinking budlite but am finding candles suck these days. the wick always burns quicker than the wax. What i did was cut out the excess wax, and dump it in a coffee tin and throw sticks in there and burn that. Forgeting "Maxwell house" tins arent aluminum, i burned my hand moving it onto the bottom part of chinese food container that was aluminum. IT was all bent up so i pushed down n the tin to make it more even. I have burn lines on my thumbs now.
We left the next morning at about ten and hit some traffic and got there real late. We went to the farmers market and had lunch at an amish sandwich place. I wanted a cheese steak but hte lines were too long. By the time I was done eating, the cheese steak lines were not there. We were going to go to that museaum that has skulls and baby fetus's but it was too late. We had reservations at delfriscos a expensive steak house that my girlfriends freind works at so we walked around until it was time for that.
First we booked inot our hotel. Our room was on the twelfth floor and lacked windows except for the ones above the bed looking up at the sky and penthouse. Being clostrophobic, my girlfirned wasnt thrilled. I put on spongebob to ease her mind, though forgetting im the one who likes that show and not her. Eventually she got us another room though the hotel guy was (believe it or not) really rude about it. We then walked to City hall which is a huge building wtih four ways to walk in that smell like urine. heres some pictures.
i think that railing thing would be neat in my yard.We wandered around some more, me trying to avoid the homeless gusy that live in the parks and went ot a borders bookstore.
My favorite part of philly is the ghetto black kids. One was standing leaning agianst a book shelf reading with his ipod headphones on, tryign ot look cool. i walked behind him curious what he was reading. I saw a lot of naked picturs like it was a doctor book or something. i saw a butt, a wee wee, a pee pee and posisbly a dildo.
We had dinner and then got ready for our "ghost tour". we took a cab to go to independece hall. I noticed from all my taxi rides that taxi guys are alwasy talking on there bluetooths now. its sad. So we got there and noticed that there was a big concert going on with a instermental band. we had to walk around. there were seats in the first part and behind teh seats in the feild , people were lying on beach towels. due ot it getting dark, i noticed a crap load of the people (mostly the white people) video taping it for some reason. Maybe they might want to consider living in the moment as who the hell is going to want to watch a tape of a band playing in the future. Unless you get lucky and teh tuba guy falls off stage, it will be erased in no time. Thats white people for you.
So off to do my white people thing, we got our tickets and crappy directions from a arab guy that could barely speak english and waited in a park for all the other people in the ghost tour. We were told to stand in line so they could divide us up. We got hte guy who looked like my brother in law which really made me and my girlfirned happy. His name was ryan but we called him "don " to each other as thats the name of my brother in law.
The ryan guy was my hieght but overwieght and wore a cape and held a lantern. He seemed to have a huge hunchback till we realized that was his backpack underhis cape. eh kept his water there cause he tired and sweat a lot. He stopped at diffrent points in the city and would talk about the ghostly reports of the area and the folklore. Most of the stories were very historical. they taught us history under the false pretenses of ghosts, those bastards. IT was still enjoyable. Ryan was a acting major most likely and practicing by telling the reports of ghosts in the words of the persons who would have seen it, pretending to be a ranger, a cop, a cleaning lady. he was good. We stopped at apartments that were haunted and stared from the street at them. i couldnt help but wonder if the people who live there get sick of seeing tour groups following a guy in a cape staring at there apartment windows four times a night.
We learnedall about the yellow fever epidemic of 1793 and how all the squares and parks used to be potter feilds that contain thousands of bodies of unknown people . I wonder if i can lie on a beach towel in the parks like everyone but bring a hidden shovel and pretend to be sunbathing while i dig up a skull. Later on we were walking down the street in a buiser area and all the black people walking by had a comment for our friend in the cape with the lantern. Some seemed mean, others were funny like the black guy that asked ryan if we were all harry potter fans following him. there were no black people on our tour if you were wondering. Thre were a family of four kids, one of which seemed to confide in the ryan guy as we walked about how he has ghosts and saw the one ghost and no one listens to him and he hears noises at home and his legos do weird things. The ryan guy seemed not to konw what to say and i think that kid needed a shrink or a parent to talk to who listens to him.
The next day was the wander philly day and i saw the tail end of a parade. we then wandered around at all the sites they had going on, walked through the cemetary ben franklin was buried, had a cheese steak at someplace called ROtten ralphs (it was kinda rotten) and then stayed at my girlfriends freinds apartmetn as we decided to stay an extra night aand we only had one night in the hotel.
my girlfrnined and the ohter couple decided they were kinda hungry and searched online for a place that has bar snack food and bud light as i like budlight. No luck and i was dragged to some place named "Tria" or something like that. The seater gave me a look as my white t-shirt and devils hat wasnt yuppie enough i guess for there standards . lots of people with tatoos and those thick rimmed glasses you would see in art college. I got some beer called "Sly fox" something or other and we got this hard bread with toppings that cut the instide of my mouth. they also sell sandwiches that have goat cheese and all that fancy crap and cheese and nuts. i wasnt in my usual element. There were no tvs but the one bartender, who had a moustache and redneck flannel short sleeve shirt, yet seemed really gay had a computer playing that stuff ectasy people like, that pink floyd crap with the shapes and colors changing that really impress you if youre stoned. I went to take a piss and noticed and office door nad what i still assume was an unmarked co-ed bathroom. i walked in peed, washed my hands, waved my dripping hands in front of the towel sensor, dripping water all over the toilet seat and walked out to see anohter unmarked door ahead of me. Nerovous i went inot the ladies room i noticed a waitress looking at me funny. i then remembered they were doing that the whole time .they dind even ask me if i wanted a second beer, they just took it away, same thing with my girlfriends beer. I walked out of there for good and saw black people walking by looking at me. i wanted to yell "i didnt want ot be here, im not that type of white guy" but it would have been useless.
We then got beer (bud lite for me, yay) and went back and had a few and then decided to wlak to the bridge to see the fireworks. Feeling alcholic, i tried to fill a water bottle with beer but it was all foam and looked like a truck bomb.I put two budlite cans in my pants pocket and would brown bag it at the bridge. be careful opeinging a beer that was in your pockets for a few blocks. YOu will hear a "pchooo" and spray anyone near you including yourself. Forutuanly it was me and a freind not one of the angry looking black guys around us. Sick of hearing michale jackson blasting from a stereo, we crossed the street and found a better place to watch the fireworks, on the stair landing aotp the bridge. The fireworks took forever to start and you could kinda hear SHeryl crow still singing. She wouldnt shut up. I heard a band and hoped someone shot her to shut her up so the fireworks would start. I then contemplated if she was killed, would htey continue the fireworks? thats one hell of a deep question. The fireworks started, they kinda sucked, idiots below the stairs of the bridge i was standing on started shooting off there own fireworks which was real dangerous (considering if it went off course it could hit me or the baby carrage ten feet fro mthe launching area). Then it ended and i was walking behind an old couple. the old guy yelled across the street were we had originally been standing but couldnt stand the michael jackson music blasting from a car. He yelled something like "thanks for blastig your music " or something like that and the wife was like "henry be nice, they have to go find somewhere to sleep tonight". You have to realize all weekend, black people were driving by me or hanging out blasting micheal jackson non stop. it was sickening. One park we were in earlier had two fifty year old white guys who seemed normal but the one yelled at every person that walked by , moreso with the balck people and screamed at them about what there opionion of michael jackson was. It was kinda funny but disturbing ot watch.
we then did the quick walk home as everyone had to urinate. I drank about 8 beers. I kinda wanted to go to the bar we were at last time wehre i have those pictures in my myspace pics of me with a weired looking payton oswalk white guy and a wierd looking dorky black guy. I was curius if they were still there. that would have been neat thought htey wouldnt have recoginized me unless they remember that that night i was the guy leaving "sirbutlust " autographed baseball cards all over the place.
So in conclusion, peopel in philly are still kinda jerks but its getting bettr. the black people are much funnier but seem to be listening to way too much michael jackson. way too many peopel were wearing Phillies shirts. I learned a lot more history and phillys good for that, ecspecially dark history with death and disease and such. good stuff. Im making a photo album in my picturs of the trip. YOu can see city hall, the two really dark pictures when i tried ot take pictures at night druing the ghost tour, and fireworks and such. I now have stuff to do. First i must find out what pictures photobucket deleted yet again as my last two were deleted and i ahve no idea what they were.
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Monday, June 22, 2009
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Doing some retro-sirbutlust (old posts when im too lazy to make a new one) to put some good crap on my site cause i have some people checking out my blog and i think a lot of current ones suck. I did a theme, crematoriums or roasting in high heat. Heres a real old one from june of 2006./
Plot to hide dead baby in pants of corpse foiled
AZ Central | Submitted by: anonymous
"A former funeral home worker who pleaded no contest to hiding a baby's body in the pants of a man's corpse slated for cremation - apparently to avoid paying an extra $50 fee - faces the permanent loss of her funeral director's license."
From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 11-Jun-2006 18:33
Sirbutlust practices to be a writer for weekly world news or american justice.
the former funeral home worker was trying to save fifty bucks. nice try but she failed to pay attention in funeral home school. you see in 1974, a new law was made by goverment that cremation workers were to by law check the pants of the deceased before burning them. this led to a major outcry by the public thinking it was perverted . little did they know there was a reason behind this.
On three separate incidents in october of 1973 in north dakota, crematorie workers were killed in violent explosions and three crematoriums destroyed. upon investigation authorities realized the culprit was dynomite that was placed in the corpses pants. they traced all three bodys back to the "cu later funeral home" and were all under the care there of spencer herman. spencer herman was a funeral director by day and unsuccessful unfunny clown by night. spencer hermans jokes seemed to injure others and the circus was getting tired of him. he had the type of personaltie that would have him shoot arrows at trapezze artists, or tickle elephants while they put a leg over a performers head. unfortunalty around october 1973, his two lives became entangled, from which he blamed dye in blue M&M's in court testimony. anyhow he placed dynomite in corpse to be sent to the crematorium to be funny.
spencer herman, the former funeral home director and clown got life in jail. he wasnt laughing. it turned the country upside down. if he could put dynomite in corpses pants perhaps ohter funeral directors could get rid of incriminating edvidence or there garbage in corpses pants. they made a law to check corpse pants before cremation. they also took blue M&M's off the market. perhaps the funeral director who put the baby in the corpse pants should have studied history like me and would have been aware of this.
_______________________________________
and here is my favorite post of all time from november of 2006.....
Grease Fire
ABC-4 | Submitted by: anonymous
"Fire officials said the six-hundred pound man was in being cremated when his body fluids were too much for the oven. The body fluids seeped out onto the floor and ignited causing a fire at the Garner Funeral Home in Salt Lake City."
From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 7-Nov-2006 14:16
"The crematorium is back in business and the funeral director said they'll notify the family to assure them their loved one wasn't harmed"
a letter from the salt lake city based funeral home/crematorium to the family of the fat guy.
dear Ms. grenchowski,
We at the burning morman funeral home and crematorium would first like to offer our condolences on your brothers passing. Theres something you should know about how the creamation went. Lets start off by explaining we all live in salt lake city utah and as you know it is the most lazy city in the country. This explains the deceased, Berts weight problem and the fact none of us move to a funner city. Anyhow, i being the funeral director and the head crematorium guy decided to let someone else handle the task of getting a 600 pound hairy corpse into the oven. I gave the job to Ordonez, (this stupid mexican who got lost trying to go to Los angeles). Ordonez used too much lighter fluid and there was a problem. In non technecal terms, he burnt the body so quick that the outside skin burned so fast the juicy insides spilled out causeing a grease fire. SO anyhow, funny story, your dead brothers juices caught fire to our floor. Its a real mess and our janitor frank wont touch it. ORdonez quit and the oven doesnt have any self cleaning knobs like you would find on a regular oven. So instead of you dumping 1000 dollars on a 600 pound mans deluxe jumbo urn (the previously agreed upon model, the fat ash 400X), we decided to make everyone happy, we will give you a free urn for your troubles. The urn is the oven we dont want to clean. YOu have ten days to pick up your oven/urn.
once agian our condolences.
skippy van bureun
president and ceo of burning morman crematorium and funeral home.
______________________________
Both those stories had burning or a baby so heres one with both. some story about people kidnapping a baby i made inot a play....
From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 29-Jun-2006 07:56
Subject: Kidnapped baby left to roast
this story would make a good broadway play or better yet an opera. they could have the first scene be the two women singing back and forth in the hospital and then the music gets faster and angrier when the one chic steals the baby. then they could show the lady driving with the stolen baby and singing about her feelings. then there can be a scene with the trailer park mangager and the lady singig about her new baby. something like:
manager:(deep opera voice)"i did not notice you were pregnant, i did not notice you were pregnate, i did not notice you were pregnant"
with the lady going (fat lady opera voice) "oh yes i was pregnate, oh yes i was pregnate oh yes i was pregnate"
manager (still singing) "im suspicious of your baby, im suspicious of your baby, im suspicious of your baby"
stealing babys chic: "didnt you ever see a white couple witha mexican looking baby,didnt you ever see a white couple witha mexican looking baby, didnt you ever see a white couple witha mexican looking baby,"
then they could somehow involve the husbands character in this though the article mentioned virtually nothing about his involvement. maybe even make a opera person wear a baby costume and sing about his or her feelings about being kidnapped. "its really hot in this car"x3
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and lastly, on the topic of heat and roasting, heres a story about three retarded guys that were left in a car while the neglegent caretaker wetn to a bar or something....
Oven Car
Sun | Submitted by: keysersoze
"Each of you had the responsibility for the care and welfare of three men with severe learning difficulties." ... "They were completely helpless and entirely dependent on you for all their care needs." ... “You chose to go into a betting shop and amusement arcade..."
From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 21-Jan-2008 17:54
CARE home staff left three disabled patients strapped in a baking hot car for THREE HOURS — while they went to a betting shop
car tempature 78 degrees: Seated in the back seat, Norman (the violent sean penn like retard) , Edward (the big glasses steven urkel like retard who smiles a lot), and Binky (the overweight balding retard) start to notice it is getting warmer. Edward turns to Norman excitedly to show him his glee and hits him with his big glasses. Its only 78 degrees and Norman is aggitated.
car tempature 84 degrees- Edward plays the back of the front seat. binky is facinated by playing with his knee high socks and kaki shorts. Norman watches cars drives by following them wtih his head till he bumps the glass. Frustrated, Norman is reaching theboiling point.
car tempature 92 degrees- Binky has lowered his knee high socks to cool off. He is stuck inbetween the door and edward so he has trouble loosing his suspenders that are chaffing him. Edward is making finger gestures to Norman which make no sense. Norman bites edwards fingers.
Car tempature 98 degrees- Sweat starts to run down binkys bald head and dripping down his glasses. Edwards glasses show signs of sweat as well. Norton thinks the sweat on the glasses looks neat and wants more and starts spitting on there glasses.
Car tempature 99 degrees- Binky is crying and edward slapped norman. Norman starts wailing on edward. Edwards glasses fall off but are saved by the strap he has connected to them. This makes him confused as his sight is bad. Norman is sick of punching edward and takes his retallation on the front seat. Binky puts edwards glasses on and starts wailing on edward when he doenst say thank you.
car tempature 108- Exhausted from wailing on each ohter and the backs of the front seats, Norman, edward and Binky sit lying back, heads back and start panting and trying to muster energy. edwards, the who shirt, and binkys alligator polo shirt and suspenders are totally soaked. Edward and binkys glasses have now started slipping down there nose and its annoying.
car tempature 115- Some stupid teenagers that were watching them from outside get bored that they are jsut sitting there panting and provoke them by pounding on the window. THis gets Norman all worked up. Seeing norman it is common knowledge that if he could figure out the door, those teenagers would be dead. Everyones worked up agian.
car tempature 120- Norman, edward, adn binky are rescued by a cop. Norman really wants to punch him btu is too tired. Asked if they want water, edward says "kooo-aid" and Binky, impatient, starts licking normans head. IF norman remembers this later, binky may be dead. THey are given water and everyone drinks some but edward, who is in a stand off for kool-aid.
I hope no one gets the feeling im making fun of the mentally retarded in this post.It was just a coincedince. It also works with Sirbutlust,(insert two rotteneers names) as well.
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Friday, June 19, 2009
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Wrote the title and then the plumbers showed up. now there gone. I wanted to type a blog while they were here so they would think im doing something important. I ended up only talking to them and downloading toilet pics to photobucket while they were here. i have to say i am very happy and feel my self confidence in toilet fixing has taken quite a boost. My beloved blue toilet had been leaking and running over the last few months and i have been working to repair it. I put in a whole new stem i got at a hardware store cause the cap, that keeps the water from shooting out in the tank, was busted. Seems whoever (landlord mostlikely) didtn realize it was ajustable in hieght and the wieght of the tank lid crushed it. THen the toilet kept leaking. I talked to rich the contractor who told me it was the connection between the toilet and the tank. if it was the flapper, i would have seen bubbles.
 Last friday, at about 4:30 pm, i took off the toilet lid in a rush cuase the parts place closes at 6 o clock. I was behind sechedule cause my female roommate was taking ashower and getting ready. I got two bolts out and relized the third was stripped. this caused major delays and cursing. evnetually i got it off. heres some fun pictures.
In the one picture , you can see the overfill tube on the toilet. i bet you dont know what that is. I do now. water should be 1/2 an inch below it when the water stops. See how much i learned. Anyhow i went to the plumbing supply store which took me through massive traffic and met a guy who helped me out nad told me what to do. for an expert, he was wrong on everything. i came home after driving through really massive New york city commuter/going to the yankee game highway traffic. Ive learned everyone now drives in the emergency lanes on the highwyas leaving getting off an exit a nightmare. people are dicks. anyhow I put it together and noticed a leak. Frustrated i called rich the contractor who came with his two male twin six year olds who harrassed my cat, tried to pick up my dog, and wanted me to give them some of my simpson figure collection along with other stuff and sugar filled iced tea. I see why rich seems miserable. Even my girlfriend didnt want kids after seeing that.
Me and rich took it off and put it on the same way and i was happy. FInally at almost 8 oclcok i was done, just in time to see the stanley cup game 7 game. Sadly my happiness was ruined the next day when i saw some water was dripping. I told the landlord that rich would come with a new toilet and put it in for free. The landlord suggested instead his plumber.
Today the plumber came. He said my toilet is fine. i did it rigth, its just we get well water and that is freezing cold and the toilet tank "sweats bullets" (thats plumber talk for condensation). My bathtub handles leak so water was always running through the pipes, thus the water never gets accumilated to warmness and comes in cold. He replaced my bathtub fixtures and now it should stop condensating so much. The dripping ruined the wall over the years and tiles are about to pop out. Rich put in new tiles on the main wall (crooked and not matching see picture with old tiles on right, new on left) but the landlord didnt want to pay extra for the other wall, which is now falling apart and i see some black mold on the sheetrock.
so thats my new deal to work out with the landlord. he seems to not realize water causes massive damage. I should get him DVD's of "Life after people " so he can see how water damage will destroy buildings and such if people disappeared.
i would once agian like to announce my happiness oon that show, it rules, sadly only one more episode left and i have so many questions. i day dream during half the episode thinking of stuff. i like the building expert who i couldnt find on wikipedia or google though he wrote a book called "mega construction disasters." hes this fat guy called steven ross. Hes always using phrases like "what you see here is..." or " basically what we have is....".
anyhow back ot the toilet. i fixed it right, it will live on in its blue glory and i am very happy. I got to do some rigging to make it so the bowl doesnt fill up so much. this lowers water pressrue and it may not always flush but rather just fill up the toilet bowl but its a risk i m willing to take. I find water thatis real high in a toilet bowl makes my ass closer to water and if a snake or alligator comes through the pipes, it will make it much easier to bite me. Its a fear i had from since i was a kid. I used to be terrified of toilets, lots of unpleasntness. I couldtn even lift up the lid cause i was scared what i would see. i had to leave a kids party when i was six caue i really had to pee and the lid was donw and i didnt want to ask the mom to lift it up for me. I told them the movie was scaring me and i wanted to go home. I had to sit there at dinner, releaved from finally peeing but bored about how id have to listne to my dad expalin how "king kong" the original version is not scary and realy big apes dont exist. I still cant sit on a toilet if its flushing. But i have improved vastly over time.
Now that thats off my chest and eveyrone knows im a freak, heres a picture of my toilet now. i put my foot in the picture for people who dont like toilet pictures but have a foot fetish so they can enjoy. look how happy my toilet is.
Okay now im done with my possibly most unintereesting blog ot a regular person. I'd like to leave with this thought that i had today listneing to a "white castle" commercial celebrating there 88th birthday. I read an editorial about htat 88 year old guy that went shooting at a holocuoust memorial museaum. THe editorial stated the guy was most likely not 88 years old and someone should have investigated his actual age cause it may just be a nod ot his hitler friends. H is the 8th number in the alphabet thus "88" is skinhead for "HH" or hiel hitler. Is white castle aware of this? 88 year olds are on average more likely to be racist. White Castle is most likely started by people 88 years ago that would be racist, as it was normal back then. Thats perhaps why they arent "black castle". Black castle sounds much cooler than White castle. White castle woudl show dirt and blood and stuff. Maybe they werent racist and wanted "Black Castle" but it was taken by a beer company. that would be a kick ass name for a beer. See this is what goes through my mind when i drive and why i could never and find it impposible to talk on a cell phone driving. I also end up stop daydreaming and going "where the hell am i" or "im here already, i dont remember driving thorugh Ho-ho-kus (funny sounding town by me)" when driving the same route home cause i was day dreaming for so long.
Lastly i signed up to comment on Gocomics.com as i wanted to comment on "Annie " comics. the series is like 24 and actually facinating. I also learned i got to orginize my photobucket album somehow. i spent forever looking for that tile picture. i evne typed tile for searching my album and cause i put Tiles" it didnt find it. going page by page in a 33 page album sucks and i realize im old cause i cant figure what event i have in my folder was a year ago or two years ago. times starting to mush together. it sucks.
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Thursday, June 18, 2009
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Starred for Life
Daily Mail | Submitted by: StellaePubes, Jethro Bodine
Note to self: Don't fall asleep at a Romanian's tattoo parlor. "Rouslan Toumaniantz said today that Kimberley Vlaminck absolutely agreed she wanted 56 stars tattooed on the left side of her face. But now the 18-year-old is suing Toumaniantz, claiming she had asked him for only three stars -- and had fallen asleep during the procedure, waking up to a nightmare in her Belgian hometown of Courtrai." Hilarious picture of Kimberley, equally hilarious picture of Toumaniantz.
Click here for story
 Picture of tattoo artist (awesome)
 picture of dumbass chic
Knowing a lot of Sirbutlust readers have tatoos, allow me to say I dont condemn tatoos but at the same time I wouldnt get a tatoo. Its my choice, i would have no interesteing story to go with it or reason. I have no desire to put some design i would get sick of in a few years permently on my body. More importantly, i would be worried that my body would be mummified somehow and future generations would see the tatoo and get the wrong idea. heres some common tattoos, with how future people may interpret them.
Military Tattoo- Sure right now it looks tough that you were a member of the 241st marine whatever or navy this and that. But future generations are going to not think much of this. After all, america is gone so thats the equivalnat of us finding a Roman soldier from back Ceasar times. We all know Rome fell and why so think of what our future generations will think.
Tatoo of a signifigant other/love- even in the future, they will know having your girlfriends name tatooed on you is a stupid idea. IF your not buried next to this woman, they are going to think your some loser. If you are buried next to her, youll look like a whipped chump who loves a dead decomposed chic. Theyll say "ewww that guys brown shirvled wiener went into that dryed out flaky vagina, hes gross".
Tatoo of your kid- They are going to see the tattoo of your infant and think the kid is over hundreds of years old , so youre really old. Even during your lifetime, what if this kid turns out to be a Jeffrey Dahmer, reality tv star, or a bill buckner? Thats a big risk to take.
tatoo of your dead infant memorial- The future generation will see you had a kid who died in infancy. they can only assume this is due ot your poor genes and you are a subpar petorfied Mummy. they will use you for tests and disecting for college classes and put someone elses mummy in the smithsonian display.
Band tatoo around arm- Future generations will see this a lot in mummys and think it was a way the government marked dumb white jocks who do Jager bombs.
Tattoo of a person or figure such as grim reaper or hot chick- The future generations will see your most likely a lazy prick cuase you went to a tatoo artist and didnt really investigate his portfolio only to learn to late that the tattoo guy isnt really a great artist cause he cant draw the tricky Human Hand too good. this will be noted by the grim reapers six fingers, or hidden hands such as a hot chic sitting on her hands concealing the hands with her butt.
Facial tatoos- future generations are going to look at you and go "really? " and laugh much like there ancient ancestors did at you.
Japanese words in japanese writing- People will notice your not japanese and wonder why you got japan words on you. Best speculation will be that you did it cause you loved someone japanese who got a english word tattoed on there body. If japan is not in the ocean by then, huge searches of graveyards will take place with people looking for a jap with "peace" or "honor" on them.
Tramp stamp- Future generations will see this and call it "slutty back tatoo" till someone comes up with the much better name "tramp stamp". Mummies will be displayed with back facing viewer, butt covered and a series of clamps stretching back fat towards stomach so people can see it was a butterfly or something.
All various other tattoos- Future generations are sure not going to think your "GI Joe cobra commander logo" or mess of dragons swords and fire tattoos are cool. They are more likely to assume that you being covered in ink makes you more flamable, thus using you for heat. The first person that discovers your body will steal your piercings to steal hoping the metal is valuble.
Sports teams/ band names- In the future, Marylyn manson, Pantera, or Motorhead tattoos are going to sound a lot like "blue oyster cult" or "yes" or "uriah heap" do now but much much worse. Even bands that stand the test of time may not impress future generations . Sure that Led Zepplin tatoo looks nice and some Led Zepplin was great, but future generations may not have Zepplin 2 or 4 that got destroyed in a fire, but have the whiny albums where he whines and whines non stop. As for sports teams, did you know the Kansas City Royals were really good in the 70's and early 80's? Most teams dont stand the test of time and will either suck or not exist then, making you look like someone would look today with a "Seattle Pilots" or "motreal expos" tatoo.
Heres a bonus picture of tattooing i found on facebook htat some chic i wnet ot school with commented on (im afraid she ll find this and come and kill me). I tried to make a "add your own caption" contest on rotten for this one . i came up with something like "the young reencarnation of the Fratelli lady from goonies (now with more tattoos)"
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Sunday, June 14, 2009
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 The Macaroni Grill- A review by some guy who likes to people watch.Fun Fact: Did you know that if you Photobucket search for Macaroni Grills Logo and type "MacOroni Grill" you get one page of pictures of Dumbasses. Spell it right assuming youll see more intelligent people, and you get about 24 pictures of Dumbasses.
It was a long day of working on my Blue toilet. I put in all new guts and seals and it is still slightly leaking. A plumber will be coming soon to do it right. Disgruntled it was time to eat. I wanted something that had noodles and junk and suggested "Macaroni Grill" to the girlfriend. It was only 5:30 so if we rushed, we would avoid the rush hour of there busy time were you have to wait for a table for about an hour for some reason.
We didnt have to wait and were led to our seats immediatly. I noticed the square table had four chairs. My girlfriend picked hers and i wondered if one was supposed to sit accross or next to there date. I then realized if i sit next to her, i get to stare at were teh waiters come in and out to get to the kitchen. So i sat there. I looked at the couple at the table next to the door. It was a kinda fat fireman looking guy with two little kids and a wife with really big boobs and they were propped up like those chics boobs at the Renassaince Fair.
I tend to find talking at a restaurant much like video taping a special event, it distracts you from seeing whats around you. This being said, im not the best dining companion but i like to think its better off if i dont talk much. The waitress, a fortyish spanish lady with a hair bun came up to us and wrote her name on the paper table cloth in apurple crayon with a big cursive "L" that reminded me of watching "laverne and shirley" as a toddler. I thought later on that i should have written "mike" upside down so she could read it and say "hi im mike your customer" but realized i would have written the "K" backwards or something. It was impressive how she wrote her name upside down and so fancy and cursive like that. She did this thing with dumping olive oil and oregano in a plate for us to dip our bread in. I would have prefered standard butter but i guess i would have looked like a freak if i asked cause its not the "italian thing" to do. I dont think i saw one damn italian in that place, working or dining. I ordered a sprite and she came back.
I really hate how they leave the tip of the paper wrapper on the straw. I always find myself playing with it waiting for the food. But this is Macaroni Grill, and you get a table with crayons and draw-on-able paper table cloth. My girlfriend was busy writting her namein big green block letters witha flower. I sat there contemplating with a crayon what i could draw. I could draw soemthing that really blows the busboys mind when he cleans up the table. I had so much power in my hands but nthing to draw. i felt like that kid in highschool who everyone knew was the best football player in the state, but he didnt want to play.
I was also kinda scared to draw. I was in the macaroni grill last year i think but sat at the bar with the girlfriend to avoid waiting for a table adn the time before that was with another girlfriend and her family. I started drawing those stupid lines that you have to guess what it is liek the ones below.
I did this on photoshop real quick. Illustration "B" is four Ku Klux Klan guys looking down at you in a well. Illustration "A" is Nancy regan playing five card poker wiht Dolly parton. See how the one boob is flat, that s a breast cancer joke. I drew that and remembered that girls mother died of cancer and got really red , sweaty and nervous wondering if any them were offended. turned out it was a diffrent cancer but i ddint find out till later on, when the father, brother, sister and all them werent around so i could ask. real awkward for a while. i also remember doing one of a big circle witha little circle inside it with a thick line on top and the bottom. that was an "overhead view of a mexican on a bike". see the circles were his big hat, and the lines his bike tires. Great stuff but you have to know your crowd before attempting it in the Macaroni Grill.
So back from that flashback, to my current meal, I though maybe a skull over thtat flower my girlfriend drew. I wondered out loud to her what they would do if i drew a naked lady. What if i drew a guy and the plate covered his rear and when they picked it up, they saw his butt. I drew sometihng that looked like money and said "i could say this is there tip or maybe they will think its money". Unable to draw, i started staring at the kitchen door, were tons of workers kept coming in and out. I would later describe this on facebook as "workers scurrying in and out fo the kitchen, like busy ants, but unlike ants who look alike, they all had there unique odd look".
There was short spanish girls, chinese girls, shaggy stoner looking guys, nerdy guys, spanish guys, ugly guys, blond guys, no italians, wierd looking white chics and much much more. I kept watching in facination as they came in and out of the kitchen, always moving sharply to avoid each ohter but never colliding. The kitchen floor was tiled and soaking wet but they never slipped. I looked at all there shoes and saw they were all black and probably slip proof. One time a doofy guy in a blue button up shirt, as opposed to everyone else with white button up shirts and a red hankerchife over there shoulder, came walking out and i thought "he must be a really important mangager".
Our waitress came for our order. I had been struggling with the menu cause so much of it sounded so italian like. They use foreing words to sound fancy. I know im in a Olive Garden rip off and am not expecting much so they could use words like "appitizer" or "chicken" or "pasta" to try and help me out. I told her what i wanted not really sure what it was. our salads then came almost instantly and when we were done, our food came out. they must have it premade or something , casue with all thosepeople it seemed odd to get it so quick. Unfortuanlty our food was brought out by some blond guy who said "who ordered the Chicken rotliline" or something like that. I said "thats not mine" and my girlfriend told me it was. the waiter staredat me as i said "i ordered something with a chic s name in it" nad he was like "the carmela chicken rotlileine" and i was like "yeah thats it" nad he plopped it down in front of me. I was one of those retards waiters complain about in the buisiness who forgot what they ordered. Back in my day, waiters remembered who ordered what and this wouldnt have come up.
As we ate i noticed the table 2'o clock from me that had some blond 16 year oldish kid with a younger brother and a father i guess. He sat right in front of the rail they keep the paper table cloths at. I wondered if the waiters banged into his chair walking to get the table cloths like they banged into mine nonstop. The kid looked familiar, like an actor but from something a long time ago so it couldnt have been him. i kept looking and wondering and then he looked backand anytime i looked at him, he was staring back at me. He was looking at me and i couldnt figure out why, it creeped me out. Wierd ass kids.
One of the waiters was really creepy looking. He was about 6'5 im guessing and had this look like if you mixed stephen king with a greek, mexican and gave him jeffrey dahmer glasses. He was thick in the torso with a little bit of a hump and thin arms and legs. When he walked, he walked real gay like with his arm folded up so his hand dangles there, you know how chics and gay guys do that. Every now and then he walked to the cash register thing where a short spanish chci was typing in an order and came behind them to help, lifting that long dangling hand and placing it on there back, sometimes rubbing up and down. his hands were so big they seemed to take up the girls whole back. Then he came up to me and cheerily asked if he could take my dish. i think he was a manager type.
I got desert, they had this lemon thing. I like lemon things, there yellow. it took about ten minutes at least of waiting, ten times as long as it took to get my entree for some reason. I kept watching workers come in and out of that kitchen. i noticed everynow and then, one would come out and notice i was watching and smile at me acknowolgeing me. this started makeing me uncomfortable. I looked at that wierd blond kid who kept staring at me as waiters surrounded him and sang happy birthday to him. Some waiters seemed to be enjoying themselves, others ran from it, others singed horribly. I noticed the kids little brother or whatever he was was covering his eyes. Looking closer later on, he started doing this thing were he grabbed the back of his head and did somehting weird wiht his other arm."Oh my god" i thought "i shouldnt have been wondering what actor that blond kid looked like, i should have been watching his brother, i think hes definalty retarded". i spent some time glancing trying to figure this out. Seemed all of them were laughing too much and talking a lot but i concluded that kid was retarded. he had the glasses, that wierd look and the really straight badly cut black hair.
I sat waiting for some more for dessert. I put all four crayons together and made spireograph like scribblings. I broke the tip of the red one and pushed it back in the paper telling my girlfreind "some kids going to get this and think he broke it and cry". then I finally got my lemon thingy. I was very patient and continued sayig it was okay and thank you and your welcomes and showing the waitress my wide array of polite manners. The lemon thing was good.
So if you want to get overpriced pasta from a "italian" chian restaurant thats based in dallas texas and causes unnamed people to poop there brians out before walking out the door, then by all means try this place or olive garden. Even Pizza hut didnt do that to this unnamed person i wont metnion so i dont get in trouble. Come to think about it, i remember that last visit wehn we sat by the bar, near the bathrooom and i saw people go in and out of there like busy ants. I cant stress how interesting it was watching the odd looking staff, all 100 of them it seemed walking in and out of the kitchen was. If that distracts you enough to not notice the retarded kid doing funny stuff or the chic with the huge propped up boobs sticking out, than nothing will. Thinking back on other reviews ive done for restaurants, the one that still makes me sicker is the fondue restaurant wehre they give you foul smelling pots of spices and raw meat. I look forward to searching theinternet and finding pasta dishes i can make, in greater quanties and a fraction of the price, at home if i have the energy. i will also have bread, with my new love "I cant believe its not butter" spread (low fat). i used to always use spray butter that my roommate gets but got sick of having to hold my bread upright faceing me so it would spray. That may be an invention idea, butter spray that still sprays when its sideways facing down. Anyhow, thats my review, i know im forgetting something but screw it.
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
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Work has been rather dull. Other workers have been laid off for the summer due to slowness but i get to stay cause i know the most (knowledge is power). My coworker with the loaded Ipod is gone so i listen to the radio. He had all kinds of punk and metal music and even kept Panic at the DIsco! on cause he knew it made me laugh. His last week of work consisted of him coming in drunk from going ot Green Day shows in NYC and then partying with them. somehow he meets all these famous musicians and hangs out with them. I saw an old childhood freind the ohter week and played my DVR tape of "good morning america" where green day was playing Central park 8 in the morning. I said "these are people i work with" and pointed to the drunk pink haired guy next to the drunker mohawk guy pretending to pick his nose standing behind Sam Champion giving the weather report. That was some good planing on there part. I told my coworker beforehand to try and get interviewed and sound intelligent and hten when they actually interview him, act like Muppet Beeker and look all around bug eyed and go "meep meep", i thought htat would be cool. THe coworked did have the right colored hair like beeker and was staring all around but thats cause he was drunk probably. I'd really like to see someone interviewed on the news act like beeker.
So anyhow i listen to this new rock station that plays all kinds of crap and not hte same stuff every two hours. they always talk about this Elvis costello guy i know nothing about . Listening to music you never heard before or know anything about is much better than the same crap over and over or hip hop and rap.
Interupting real quick, speaking of radio, i learned that during a lightning storm, your car is more suseptable to being struck by lightning (your tires will not save you) if you are listening to FM radio compared to AM radio. this is why more educated programs are on AM radio cause they know better than FM's rappers, rockstars , spanish channels and religious channels that assume god wouldnt strike them with lightning. Actually i made this up, im trying yet again to start a new internet fueled urban myth as my "dr jack kevorkian talks just like DR Nick Rivera but has his voice dubbed over in interviews casu it shames him" internet rumor i tried to start but went nowhere. I also tried that one saying Dominoes pizza signs you see on top of cars have a button that turns off the magnets holding the sign on in hopes stupid teenagers get caught feeling all around on a dominoes sign on top of a car. that would be funny.
Back on subject, i was listenting to a song called "the way" by some band named the "fastballs". i realized the lyrics were good for a song parody and was thinking beforehand how i want to reread my Time/LIfe book on serial killers i enjoy so much. Serial killers are facinating and good reading. One serial killer was dennis Nilsen (this is a wikipedia link, kinda sucks a gay english killer who killed cause he wanted his one night stand to not leave the next morning. youll get the gist of his crime when you read the song. If you go to this site. its the song played over and over and ovrer and has the real lyrics. read long to the song playing to see how good i did.
http://newexperience101.tripod.com/id8.html
sung to "the way" by fastballs
dennis would meet them in a gay bar
and they started talking
they left after drinking to stay at his english flat
They made gay love and started drinking more booze
But Dennis knew the guy was going to leave him the very next day.
So he grabbed his necktie
and went behind the guy
and strangled and drowned them in a water bucket
and when dennis was done, thats where it got creepy
but dennis was happy they'd be there for the next day
(chorus)
dennis then began to bath the corpse, put it on a chair
and they'd watch TV and chat it up
dennis only seemed to talk
the corpse just got cold and blue
You can see that eventually this was a huge problem
The body has to dissappear
but hes not really sure how
maybe a river, maybe the woods
then it came to him, a fire, fire.
Dennis got his rum
his hacksaw and plastic tarp
he started sawing away the whole freaking night
while vomiting profusly
putting dripping parts in a suitcase
he stored them in a shed, prepared for the big fire.
(chorus)
And dennis learned if you live in a flat you have privacy
No one can see you, and you can have a bonfire
go to the station
get some gas and smoores
you can see this is the best way to dispose of corpses
just use a lot of wood
put a tire ontop for smell
rake the tiny bones
dump the entrails over the fence
and no one will notice for years, years
(guitar solo and then repeat of chorus)
So anyhow dennis got in a fight with his landord and moved
found a nice attic apartment, but no had no privacy
and no bonfires
but he had a toilet, and a saw
So you can imagine he tried flushing victim peices
the sewer guy came
found some body parts and bones
went to dennis's apartment and noticed a smell
and thats when for dennis it became the end, the end.
that took a lot of work. i did okay. now heres one on son of sam using a weezer song
"whats with my neighbors dog telling me to kill, why does he got to bark. Hes from satan, everybody should die, im going to kill a chic, whoo hoo and you know im, nuts, whoo hoo, and you know im sam, eww whooo wee woo i drive a 70s ford galaxie sedan, shooting girls with brown hair....."
okay that sucks and im done. im going to watch "life after people" my new favorite show i just learned is only a ten part miniseries and this is one of the last ones. :(
Dont forget, spread the word about my new internet rumor (dont say its a internet rumor). whatever the hell it was, something about a radio.
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Wednesday, June 03, 2009
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I put a new Dr. larry cartoon in my Cartoons section of my pictures. Rotten had an article about that abortion Dr. getting murdered so i usually like to post all my Dr. larry drawings. I had a idea in my mind for a long time to do this one and finally did it. Not sure if i dont like it cause i didnt do it spontaniously (planned out stuff always seems uninteresting to me, probably cuase ive wore it out thinking about it.) heres the drawing
To be honest it s not as good as i hoped it would be. i had a lot of type errors when i was writng the dialogue and had to cover it up in photoshop and type it out. the photoshop black is too dark compared to my sharpie lines. This is why Cartoonists should use "india Ink" cause its real black and also use Caligraphy pens and dip them into india ink to draw. its how i did it a long time ago and after a while you get good enough where you dont drop a giant blotch of ink on your almost finished drawing or smear it with your elbow.
Before i photoshopped the type in, i realized if Dr. larry was a kid when he was at a Doctors office with "miami vice " themed mickey mouse and Disney character wall paper murals , he would be in his young 20's now. Dr. Larry must be older so i put that little rambling in the cartoon which might confuse people. I put in the Miami vice Mickey cause i went to a Doctor and had to wait in the kids room and they had Mickey dressed as Don JOhnson, donald duck wiht a boom box and his Nephews were skateboarding . Everyone was wearing hip colorful 80's clothes. I should have left it out and just made a regular crappy drawing of mickeys on the wall.
Dr. larry cannot be in his 20's due ot the point of the strips is hes a n abortion doctor who must hide his Job from chics hes so desperate to date. if they find out he does that for a living, they may not like him. thats why he should be in his 40's at least, a loser who cant get a date.
thats the end of that. its tuesday and tuesday is TV night for me. I like this new show "mental" cause mental patients are neat. then theres teh show on the history channel at ten called "life after people" that shows various parts of the world slowly being destroyed by nature if humans were to dissappear and not take care of them. Watching shows about mental patients nad then world destruction really appeal to me.
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Monday, June 01, 2009
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wedding picturama. (with no actual wedding pics)
My girlfriends sister got married this weekend. I brought my camera and took some pictures i thought i would share. I dont really have any actaul wedding pictures cause my girlfreind was the maid of honor and i had to take pictures for her on her camera. The Aisle they walked down was very short and either i got pictures of them far away with white beady creepy eyes for some reason, or blurry shots of them being too close. I also found that taking pictures during a wedding kinda distances your self from the actual event in some weird way. They say the same thing with parents who video tape there kids plays all the time and i understand now.
My camera was used for cooler stuff like documenting what led up to the wedding. On friday we drove to Central New JErsey for the rehersal. I sat there watching them rehearse. Its a catholic church and two of the people were told to bow wehn htey were by the altar and bowed towards the audience . Im not familiar with cathlolic traditions , as the lady next to me at the wedding can tell you who had to get my attention cause i was blocking her from lowering that kneeling thing, but i am pretty sure people at the front of the churcn never should bow to the audience but rather the Jesus statue up front.
Then we went to the bride and grooms house after the rehersal and i played with some cats and played Wii with the six year old girl. THe nine year old girl left and i took her spot playing Wii's baseball. the two girls were involved in a exciting 0-0 tie with a crapload of strikeouts. I was a Willie Nelson Wii character, bottom of the third inning (the last in the game) and two outs, two strikes, wehn i got a hold of a splitter and cranked it out of the ball park. I jumped up and celebrated and noticed the look of shock on the six year old. For a moment it looked like her teeth were going to fall out but she took it well. Kids need disappointment and in all fairness, she almost won. it was 1-0. Last time i pounded her 9-1 and the umpires called the mercy rule.
Me and the girlfriend stayed at a hotel called the Marriot later on. We were on the sixth floor. heres a view of lovely bridgewater new jersey. note all the chain restaurants.
I noticed the elevators had mirrors all over. IF you get inot a elevator and look at the mirror and see the floor numbers backwards, 5 looks like a 2 and vice versa. It really confused me. I was kinda tired. I was dissappointed with the hotel room, mostly the bathroom. It didnt have a fan that de fogs it. Ill spare you the picture I took of how the toilet was a one peice (toilet tank isnt bolted on but rahter its one continuous fixture) or how i took the lid off the back to see how they flush so powerful. I wondered why they didnt lock it on but i guess Marriot doesnt really think people are going to go snooping in the toilet reserve tank.
Heres a picture of some hair i saw matted on the wall. Kinda gross.
heres the ONE towel they gave us for the night.
and heres my Duckie scrubby perched on the towel bar in the shower. When they cleaned the next day, the maid put my duckie scrubby on the shower control handle. that pissed me off.
I woke up around 8 30 the next day. we filled out hte breakfast deliviery sheet and the guy brought us a big tray with breakfast. I decided to be ballsy and try something besides "scrambled eggs" and went for "over easy" though i dont know the difference between any non scrambled egg terms. they gushed yolk when i put my fork in them. it was gross.
We had breakfast and then my girlfriend showered and left to go get her hair done. I originally was supposed to drive her but as fate had it, i was given a new job. THe Groom had to hang out with me in his last two and half hours of being single and wait with me till it was time to go to the church. I prepared and got showered. OFf course i forgot hair spray so i visited the "gift shop". It was a tiny room were i dindt find hairsprayf but found "Hair gel" that pissed me off. Heres a picture of it with my shampoo and body wash. The body wash is Axe glacier water "shock" flavor. I think i mentioned this but dont use it for masterbation lubercation in the shower. Its not as bad as ben gay but it s up there. Anyhow heres the picture... and all i have to say is "if you noticed it right away, shame on you"....
So i was all showered and i was waitng for the groom. I was watching comedy central. They were having a comedian block. ONe fo thecomidiens did a bit about not masterbating with aqua velva or something like that as lubercation and i got real pissed off cause he stole my bit and went ot wait outside. . Eventully i got bored waiting outside smoking so i came back in and decided to clean.
I noticed other people left there breakfast tray outside there room in the hallway. I decided to do the same but couldnt cary it and open the door, keeping the door open. I saw the tiny milk jars were full so i pulled off the saran wrap and dumped them down the sink with coffee my girlfreind didnt finish. I didnt want to look wasteful. then i tried to figure out how to get in the coffee pot casue it seemed locked. It was then i noticed "Silica Gel". those are the packets they put in stuff to absorb moisture. I always played wit hthem as a Kmart shoe employee and loved the way they bounced. I then started to remember how me and a freind as youngsters would put a egg in the sink and then anything we could find inthe bathroom closet, making possibly toxic concoctions. I went to the bathroom and threw the packet in the toilet. it didnt bubble and foam like i hoped. it just floated there. Discouraged, I got the little packages of butter and a knife and went to the toilet. A strand of long hair was on the knife and was making me grossed out so wehn i scooped out the melted butter to throw it in the toilet, i got messy. Butter sticks to knifes. I did a hard fling and sometimes it landed in the water, sometimes it landed on the side or the rim. Sometimes it splasehd back at me when it hit the water (im washing those pants now). Then i got some ketchup from those adorable small ketchup bottles and threw that in the toilet. Then a packet of every type of sugar and salt, then the last part of my bagel and the toilet was set. I peed just before this and went and got a soda so i would haveto pee real soon and pee on all this stuff.
Thats wehn i got a knock on the door. I peeked through the peep hole nervous it was a hotel worker cause im paranoid they have survellence cameras in the bathroom. It was the groom, ready to spend two fun hours with me in a hotel room. FIrst i had him hold the door so i could take the tray out into the hallway. I told him not to pee cause i want to go first and see how soluble everything is. We watched Scrubs on comedy central. Later i had to pee and it was lame and i flushed. THats when i found a problem i bet no one else ever had before.
Butter really sticks to the side of the toilet. Its like that blue gel you stick in toilets to keep them fresh. I wiped with some toilet paper but it just smeared and i would have got my hand wet if i really tried. I explained my problme ot the groom. He works for "Geek squad" and is a very smart problme solver. I think this was over his head. i then remmebered heat melts butter so i went outside hoping the coffee was still hot in that unopenable pot. Eveyrthing was still there, BUT the coffee pot. That was wierd. I then though "hair dryer" and found one on the wall in the bathroom. You can see it in the following picture...
I pulled the hairdryer off its holder on the wall and noticed i didnt know how to start it. There is a botton on the holder i found and you actaully have to hold it "on" for it too work. this meant stretching one arm towards it holding the button, while i bent over stretching the other arm to melt the butter. It wasnt working. I put the hairdryer to my face and turned it on, it was hot all right, but why wanst it melting the butter. it took a whiel but i got it to the point where it wouldnt be noticeable to the maid. I may be the only person ever to have had this problem.
We finished watching Scrubs and COmedy Central decided to play that stupid Method man movie yet again where hes smoking weed a lot. THey keep playing the same movies and they suck. If they played something like "cannoball run" we may have not gone to the wedding. You never ever see that movie on TV, ever, and its so freaking good.
We got dressed up and the groom was nice enough to tie my tie for me. It was green as i wasnt allowed to wear my buccaneer tie. I almsot forgot my girlfriends makeup bag she wanted me to bring. We smoked outside the hotel before getting in the car, me with my purple little purse. I wonder how many people assume two guys smoking together outside a hotel must be gay.
I had barely any money and i told the groom if he sees a TD north bank to pull into it. By me they are all over but in this area, there were none. probably better cause im estimating theres a 97 % chance i would have walked in with the purse. We got to the wedding place and the groom all the sudden became swarmed with stuff to do. I only saw him breifly to help me figure out my girlfriends camera and to tell her about the look she gave me when i expalined my butter problem. The good news is my girlfriend put her purple purse in the car but then i had to hold her small black purse with silver straps instead. We had the wedding and it went good and went to a reception place which was nice. I drank two budlights, then had to have one coors light, and four Yuenglings. they tasted skunky to me. One guy at the reception looked like Lars from metaliica, another looked like a young Ben Stein and the DJ's looked like Denise MErcado (goddess of wine) and comic ralphie May. There was also one guy who looked like the fake cop on the last Reno 911 who was pretending to be a cop during a cop meeting were the 401K guys were telling the deputys how there 401K's suck now and he would say "thank you for all your hard work anyway and its not your fault and all that". It was funny, im sure the video is in the reno911 sectoin of comedy centrals website. Good stuff.
Heres a picture i took fo the ashtray in front of the reception hall. They have blue sand. thats neat.
On the way home today, we also saw a dark neon green school bus and a truck with a rear trailor picture of a lady beeming as it looks like its raining shrimp. ON the side of the trailor was pictures of 4 people (white chic, black chic, black guy, oreintal) beeming with neverending happiness over there shrimp , salmon and variious sea foods. I didnt take pictures. i regret that.
the end.
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Friday, May 29, 2009
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Fun Fact: For as morbid and creepy as i am, i, sirbutlust, have never seen a corpse in real life.
THis is due ot my odd family and never having to go to wakes. My moms side has a lot of relatives who live too long with some of her aunts and uncles who died but i never had to go to there wakes cause i barely knew them or it was during work hours. The dads side is a bunch of people who could give two shits about anything and got sick of the family thing a long time ago. Most of the males on that side hate each other cause we are all alike : knowit all, quiet, disgusted by other types how dont like each other or avoid each other for the most part. its odd. Throw in im not too socialable or communicate on the phone wtih freinds so i never end up konwing some one died till there grave is showing grass blooming. Also anytime there s a big accidnt on the road, im looking the wrong way like that time on the George washington bridge my freind said "did you see that guy was headless on the right" when i was looking left.
I always kinda hoped my first corpse would be someone i found while walking my dog or something neat like that. Maybe save the honor for someone special like my 92 year old grandpa who most likely will be going in the next year or two. None of that will happen as being my first corpse as a coworkers dad died and I actually attended a wake.
For people that skim, this is a few paragraphs not corpse related to give a back ground mood For two and a half years a while back, i had no license or car due to some unpleasantness with the authorities and a car and buzz killing tree. Everyday, weather it be rain, sleet, heat, snow or cold, i rode my bike three miles to a coworkers house who would then give me a ride to work. On rainy days i would get weather proofed and keep spare clothes in my back pack and change in her basement. Riding a bike every morning was the most therputic thing one can do and i really miss it. She really helped me out cause work was another five or seven miles away from her house and there were huge hills and i would smell like a french man the few times i attempted it. To show my thanks to her, i gave her money and then on Christmas after i got my licnese back, i bought her a hard to find board game from her childhood on Ebay called "which Witch". it was really hard to get as many people bid but i got it. It made her cry. im nice like that.
I felt bad always getting rides from her and she expressed one time that she needed me to find rides home in case seh wanted to do stuff after work. I figure this was because she visited her moms grave once with me in the car and i had to give her a moment and walked around looking at other graves. Her mom is surrounded by a huge amount of chinese people. Maybe its just me but i see graves and i automatically assume the person is white. Thats why gravestones need pictures like the italians do.
Wake review- so i figured this coworker was always really nice to me and i enjoyed our freindship we created talking in the car on the way to work about how we hate everyone else i i felt she deserves to have me show up even though i might not want to. I didnt want to because i wanted to save my first corpse viewoing for someone special and things happen in threes. I drove to the place and entered the door and was stopped as i was going into a second wake. They asked me who i was there to see and i didnt know his name. My coworker had a married last name and i totally forgot her maiden name though i shoudl have cause its the same as a funny actor name reference in the simpsons once and a "major league" actor.
I walked into the room and saw my boss and ohter coworkers. The females were happy to see i drove there and talked about what a good boy i was. Every one seemed tobe in suits. I wore a nice shirt and dockers as my good clothes were taken by my girflriend to be cleaned cause her sisters wedding is saterday. (im not allwoed to wear a buccaneer tie). My cowerker came over and hugged me and started crying cause she was so touched that i showed up. While i made her cry i did get upstaged by a little old jewish woman whose one of our clients hwo showed up. that really made her cry. other wise she was very happy and seemed to be relieved her dad wasnt suffering anymore. I kept with my coworkers and I told them i never saw a corpse before and saw the coffin was open but couldnt see the body cause the flowers were blocking it. They told me to watch someone who went up to it and kneeled and then got up and walked away. i decided to go look but i wasnt going to kneel. I walked to when i was about five feet in front of it and went to myself "you got to be kidding me, it looks like a wax figure" and walked away. I walked away with my eyes probably bulging and i kinda remember tippy toeing a little to walk quieter. PErhaps i was afraid i would wake the corpse. I looked at a coworker and she said "how was it" and i said "weird" and she said "looks like a wax figure right".
Many feeling s go through your head when you see a corpse like that. Why is it proped up like that, it looks uncomfortable. When they bury it, do they take a pillow underneath out or do they shove him down into the coffin more. He seemed to be popping out of it. Do they bury him with his glasses on, i remember wondering if that "old navy" old lady with the weird thick glasses was buried in hers wehn she died. Is it just me, this is the oddest thing i ever saw in my life, we are literally standing around talking, sometimes joking while a real life corpse is right over our shoulder. Its like when you see a kid playing but they are near dog poop and they are getting closer and closer to it. Not to make people think that i consider someones relative the same as poop but i also thought its odd to display a corpse as it reminds me of when i leave a turd in the toilet for a coworker to find.
I went back for another look a few minutes later. "he s smirking i thought" and i made sure to tell coworkers i die that i dotn look like im smiling. I was told i have a beautyful smile and said "Fine i can be smileing but make it an evil smile like the joker." Parts of me wanted to laugh at the silliness of it all, ohter parts made me see how it must be comforting for the family. Being morbid like i am, i thought of thousands of absolutly hilarious but most likely inappropriate things to say. I then went to look at pictures and re-looked at the corpse once again. It hit me why it was extra wierd, the guy looked like my girlfriends dad if you made a wax sculptor of him. At this time, i saw two old coworkers who became lesbains and live together. they were happy to see me and told me what a good boy i am. I told them about how ti was my first corpse and they said it doesnt get any less weirder and said "wait to you see someone you knew". i realized its probably best to go ot your first wake with it being someone you barely knew. Lesbians are very insightful.
So i hugged my coworker agian nad said goodbye, trying to peek at the corpse oout of the side of my eye whiel talking to her, her duaghter and the lesbians without htem noticing. Its kinda like looking at a chic or her boobs without htem noticeing . you really dont get a good look. My coworker told me how happy she was i showed up, tearing up and feeling cocky and realizing i m a really nice guy, i said goodby to them nad told the daughter who lives in arizona "have fun in arizona and sorry about..." and i flicked my eyes at the coffin. I may have been pointing my fingers like guns at her trying to look slick. I think i made a bad exit.
I walked to my car, indulging in my self crapulence about what a good boy i am thinking how I learned a lot about wakes. It gave me a business idea. humans look so fake wehn they are dead, but you know who wouldnt look fake and you can make a lot of moeny holding wakes for them, kitty cats and doggies. there fur will hide there skin. Pop out there eyeballs, put in eyeball colored marbles, sew there mouth together and youre good. I did come up with one problem, you cant lay them on there back like a human corpse. My one cat lays upside down all the time but it would look wierd in a coffin. Some people say corspes look like sleeping people, cats sleeping tend to ball up, that would look real wierd in a coffin. youd have to make a half circle shaped coffin but when cats sleep that way, i alwasy put there tail over there nose cause it looks cute. THe coffin would keep the tail and back end from being near the cats face unless you make a tail hole but that would be too weird. Im experementing with designs for coffins now.
So in conclusion, seeing a dead embalmed body was pretty creepy and i enjoyed it thoughally. the emotions one feels seeing that. I may just start crashing wakes. I want to see a fat one but i may giggle too much. Just a wierd expereince, but not as wierd as the fact im almost 33 and never saw a corpse.
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009
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Elderly Abandonment Celebrated At Disney World
Orlando Sentinel | Submitted by: anonymous
"A North Carolina woman reportedly dumped her aunt at a Salvation Army homeless shelter Sunday evening -- while indicating that she would not be returning to pick up the 96-year-old. Edwards, who told staff at the shelter that she could no longer care for the elderly woman, then traveled on a family vacation to Walt Disney World."
From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 26-May-2009 16:21
Tips for ditching your 96 year old aunt(but not at a salvation army homelses shelter) and getting your family trip to disney world at the same time.
1. Leave her in the trunk of whatever car you have to sell to be able to afford staying there for a week.
2. Get her tickets to a jonas brothers or hannah montana concert at disney world and let nature (trampling little girl feet) take its course.
3. bring her into the "Animal kingdom" safari ride. LIght a fire in the jeep thing. Everyone will have to run to safety. Animals such as Lions will chase you down but dont fear, Lions go for the weakest looking person. This is most likely your 96 year old aunt unless you got some weiner kids.
4. Beat up a mascot, preferably a less popular character, say like Pluto. Who the hell likes Pluto? avoid mickey mouse, this may arrouse attention. Put 96 year old aunt into Pluto costume and sit her out in the sun. After having pluto/aunt sit in the sun while kids come by for pictures with it, some people will notice pluto not really moving and is developing a funk. Make sure to file missings person complaint with disney beforehand so it looks like you gave a crap. as for person previously in Pluto mascot Outfit that you jumped, carry him/her around a la "weekend at bernies" till reaching Animal Kingdoms alligator pit. Distract tour guide and fellow tourists by saying "look a beaver" to the left and throw said person into aligator pit. A fake suicide note in ther pocket would be benificial.
5. They have Fishing available. throw her in the lake with a stone tied around her. Perhaps someday someone will catch her, but you ll be long gone by then. As an extra bonus, i have learned one does not need a Flroida fishing license cause its on private property  However i do assume they rape you with boat and fishing pole rental fees.
6. Its long been rumored Walt DIsney was cyrogenically frozen and kept under the pirates of the Caribeen ride. Most people still believe this, though he was cremated. You can tell the current owner Robert Iger that Walt Disney got thawed out and is currently sitting on a bench by hte Pirates of the Caribeen ride complaining about the heat. Say although it looks like a 96 year old lady, thats the pitfalls of being Frozen and Walt Disney is looking for his share of Royalties. This should get rid of her pretty quick and she will never be seen agian. IF you really didnt like your 96 year old aunt, you should have tried this when Michael Eisner was in charge. If you are unable to talk to Robert Iger or anyone of importance, then simply freeze the Aunt in a popsicle freezer and tell the kid working it that your the Cyrogenic guy and the Corpse is not your 96 year old aunt but rather Walt DIsney and the machine broke so you have to store the body there. Tell him to be sure not to tell anyone about it cuase the Body can fetch millions of dollars on Ebay or Craigs list.
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Post two....
Children Thrown From Bridge
ABC News | Submitted by: Bo Raxo a.k.a. El Bo
"Screams and moans from the cold Willamette waters led neighbors to call police in the early hours Saturday. A man who lived in a houseboat nearby said he followed the sounds to the lifeless body of a 4-year-old boy, floating face down, and his 7-year-old sister, still struggling but just barely... Seven hours after the children were pulled from the frigid water, police found the mother in her car on the top level of a downtown Portland parking garage. She tried to jump off the garage's ninth floor before police pulled her back."
From: sirbutlust [mike duff]
Date: 26-May-2009 16:20
See i was wondering, if the mother is on the ninth story of a parking garage getting ready to jump, how come it took her so long that the cops were able to pull her back. Ever seen a cop run up nine flights of stairs? its usually not pretty. And that jingling noise there belt with the keys,gun and handcuffs and crap like that should tip you off they are coming behind you. Perhaps they took an elevator. Most likely these cops would have been making all noises when the elevator door opened, trying to push it open with there "brute strength"" cause its not opening fast enough. Sometimes elevators go "ding" when the reach there desired floor. Not sure if parking garage elevators do that.
Obviously she was afraid to jump. Bad move. Cops were probably like "maam you have lots to live for, your girl is fine, shes just really misses her mom. and shes really wet" and then when they realize she has no weapon, pounce on her and give her a few quick punches for the fun of it.
IF something drives you to contemplate jumping off a building, you probably should.
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Friday, May 22, 2009
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New drawing.....
Notes on this drawing....
These are things i think about. Sometimes i feel abnormal but then i see "normal" people yap or text message on cell phones when they have nothing else to do instead of listening to those voices in there head. I originally drew this picture so there would be a banner on top for the title adn the forth box in the bottom right was for a possibliltiy taht the kid is dead with a funny tombstone. Writers block hit me and i scanned the three pictures in and aranged them in photoshop so i could have a box with the title in the begining as putting it in the bottom right would be dumb. Due to a lack of rulers, straight edges and such, some boxes were bigger than others or really crooked. Thats why the boxes dont line up but i like it and may do itthis way from now on.
The bartender looks like this bartender i knew in my early 20's named "big al". He always told stories of him getting in fights and being a tough guy when he was young. Every story had him saying something like "and then my friends like ' big al you cant do that'. He loved calling himself big al.
The guy drinking with the red hair and "asparagus" shirt (crayola says its asparagus, i think it should be called over cooked broccoli) resembles a guy a few years older than me that was a contractor that would go to thebar when big al was working. He liked to hear my stories of what dumb things i did. Before Sirbutlust had myspace blogs and rotten.com, he had a bar were he told the same guys the stupid things he did and they would gather around to listen and have there dates listen to me cause its more amusing than them talking to there dates.
The kid resembles his father Mike Rutherford who was the lead singer of "mike and the mechanics". Mike Rutherford wasalos a bassist in Genesis (i never knew that) so i drew a picture of phil collins on the kids wall. It kinda sucks. The dad kinda looks like he does now according to his bio. mike rutherford bio here. please make sure not to Wikipedia "in the living years" cause the song was written by mike rutherford and some ohter guy who both lost there dads. the kid mentined may acutally be the other guys kid but he wastn as funny looking.
I made the robber black, not as a racist thing but i thought it would be funny if a big black guy with a deep voice was mouthing off lyrics from the song in a threating style.
I was coloring the kid sleeping and realized he should be in boxers. Fortunaltly i hadnet colored him yet and gave him orange boxers with brown stripes like the ones i have that i wore every sunday when the bucs won the superbowl in 03. His are nicer, mine are shredding apart but i cant let them go.
There a lot of crap i forgot to color but i dont carer.
thats all, have a nice memorial day. thanks for stopping by.
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Thursday, May 21, 2009
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Sometimes im not on myspace posting crap. I havent posted on Rotten forever. My computer time is mostly playing Club pogo or looking up crap on Wikipedia. I do have that stupid facebook account of mine. they let you give quizzes on yourself. Knowing many of my freinds there are various people i met through life in breif periods, no one but my girlfirned should do decent on this test. My myspace readers who read my blogs would fare much better . Feel free to take this test that i copied and pasted from Facebook, which i fear will go to hell wihen i post it and all the lines will be all over the place. well see. Sometimes i post on my Buccaneer site. Today i wrote in a thread about how Michael Vick (the Former Falcon quarterback who did that dog fighting thing) was released from jail and some fans want him on the bucs. I did a post on how he sucks anyway and we dont need him and he would just be a distraction. Someone called me out that that is a sorry excuse for not signing him and i decided to come up with more excuses. Basically what im doing on both these sites is slowly making people think im insane. Heres why i dont want Michael Vick on the bucs, followed by my self absorbed facebook quiz.
hmmm...... next excuse..... We covered we have quarterbacks, team distraction, I covered a long time ago how bucs seemed to always beat the falcons unless he got hurt and a semi-experienced backup who could read defenses came in.......okay let me think,
Maybe he now has rectal problems from being in jail and runs like Little Laura Ingels in "little house from the prarie".....
....maybe PETA will wait for our Orange throwback uniform game and dump red paint on the players, thus confusing fans who thought the bucs were going to be orange causing a mass panic of presumed medical conditions such as assumed self color blindness (ASCB) or standing in the sun too long......
....perhaps as part of a deal for his release, he will organizethem to play druing games those sad commercials with Sarah Mcgloglin singing that sad song woth the abused and neglected dogs that they play on Comedy Central along with the Starving african kid commercials during Reno 911 for reasons i cant explain.....
....Maybe he watched a lot of buc games in prison and got really pissed off at how someone (probably bidwell) would constintaly throw up the ball in athe air so from the camera angle it looks like a fumble when all the sudden you see it and freaks you out. He'll remember people got upset with killing animals but not realize they might get pissed if he takes out a ball chucking punter.....
Theres a lot that can happen if you think outside the box. On the plus side if he was signed you could get his old black falcon jersey and with minor changes you can have a Black Tampa Bay buccaneer Vick jersey (if he changes his number that will make it more difficult though).
1) I have had all the college jobs EXECPT the following a) Kmart shoe salesman b) Arbys sandwich maker c) Pussy willow Farmer d) Christmas "KB toys" help e) Walmart cashier
2) I am extremely proud i' ve never watched the following show... a) Bones b) Freinds c) Seinfeld d) Futurama e) Family Matters
3) In a college IQ test, i finished in the Top 2% in the country in.... a) math b) finding missing stuff in almost identical pics c) arranging red and white blocks into patterns quick d) big word definitions e) Not freakin out the tester in the ink blot test
4) I have owned the following cars EXCEPT... a) A smurf blue 98 Neon b) A blue 97 Saturn c) A red 92 Honda d) A blue 87 dodge ram van e) a UPS brown 87 Plymouth relient station wagon
5) My Favorite fast food place that doesnt make me wnat to vomit afterwards is a) Arbys b) Burger King c) McDonalds d) Wendys e) KFC
6) He called me a pussy onstage cause i was too drunk to stand at a 96 concert a) Joey Ramone b) Weird Al c) Rob zombie d) David Grohl e) the Ministry guy
7) On my TV i have a statue i got on ebay of.... a) Homer Simpson b) Wonder woman c) Wolverine d) The Punisher e) Skeletor
8) My favorite magizine to read is... a) Weekly World News b) Star c) Sports Illustrated d) Oprah e) Mad Magizine
9) Im not allowed back at the ABG bar i think cause a) i wrecked there bathroom b) I threw a beer bottle at the bandguy playing Queen c) I vomitted on the jukebox d) A cop caught me peeing in the alley e) I called the manager the "hair club for men" guy
10) A bad habit i have is.. a) wearing TampaBay Buccaneer orange ties to weddings b) I complain about kids, teenagers, and cellphones c) frenchcanadian slurs during Devils@ Montreal games d) I shop at Kohls
e) all the above
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