you know it might seem i have the perfect life all in store for me... good friends, a band... pretty much everything someone could ever ask for and be so happy... but how could that ever be possible when you have no one to share it with?

my worst fear is being so successful yet being alone... watching others being happy and trying to figure out what they have i dont have or what they did that i didnt do to deserve that...

i only want someone who i could laugh with... joke with...someone to hang out with... someone who would understand me and accept me for who i am not what i have... someone to grow with learn from and teach... someone to look back with and laugh at past mistakes... someone who will be there with you...

must be fun... life must be better with someone like that... for most people its good anywayz... most relationships are about what... sex and shit things life in general lack and at the end they wonder why there are fucking problems...

yet its too much to ask for someone who you just want as a life partner and someone just to have fun with... yeah i dont know if being depressed helps yet money wont buy happiness and i dont know what could ever fill the spot of having someone but i bet it must be a real fucking joy in this world... yeah...

Yeah I don't even know what to say right here... How can you call yourself a father when you're never even around for your kids... How can you call yourself a father...

Growing up knowing your father was always around but never once wanted to be there for you... It was a stuggle inside... A single mother... raising my brother... I mean it wasn't a money issue... it was a issue of knowing you were unwanted by someone who had to have participated in your existance... so yeah he fathered you but then he can't do shit to be around... Not only was it that he ran off but he left mom AND he left 2 kids behind... and 1 doesn't understand shit about what's goin' on...

Boy I'll tell ya what... Over the years I have really watched my brother progress and become so much... for not having dad around... we have done better than most people... But you always get that empty feeling inside... a part of you is dead... especially being a son without a male figure to look up to and to learn from... Everything I have learned and such I have gotten from mom or I have taught myself... Same with my bro... watching him learn and grow without dad... I think me and him were prolly better off without him!

Yeah screw him... over 10 years without him... Look at where I am... I look like I was the perfect son for dad... hiding behind that , and sometimes ignoring it... I have gotten this far not caring what ANYBODY thinks of me... I have become what I want to be... without mom and dad to help or support me... and though that won't stop me....

Moreso dad in this case... Sending a check 2 times a month , unwillingly no less, isn't exactly being a father... But oh well now cause I am somebody regardless if I have him... I still have have that emptiness but what can you do when you're not even WANTED right....

Wow..... gosh do I hate my life right now..... so far from what i will ever call home...... yet its right there.... it's like a star ya know... no matter how close it seems no matter how hard you reach... you'll never get it..... only if you dream will you ever get there.... home is so close... yet i can't just get there.... and time....

Time is such a matter... you feel like the longer you wait the less time you'll get .... I don't know what the truth really is though... do I enough time to get back and get everything started in time? or is there really such thing as to late? its a cruel world and you never know when something is just gonna be lost..... you can never guess when... not until it happens will you know .. not before.... you always here the words someday , one day, soon, eventually, later, etc... but you never know when you're gonna be too late... you always have to keep working... never stop....

And what really hurts is when you DO works so hard...and it's all wasted... in the end, nothing matters.... you can put your life into one thing and always focus on that... and especially if you never wated to.... you will look back on it and realize you wasted your life... could've been out there actualy doing something and you didn't do it and later regret comes along...

So is there such thing as too late? yes there is.... is life really worth the pain people go through and put each other through then? no... you'll look back on that many years to come and realize you didn't wanna do that either.... and it won't matter now... it won't matter in the end... but regret comes later in life.... way later but it comes.... running way off topic now...

It's about goals... life.... ok it's really about me getting home and stuff.. but my struggles and what I do and don't accomplish , what I do and dont learn... can be of great help to others.. maybe not now... but they very well can one day right? people can learn from other peoples mistakes and struggles... if they really want to and really try.... and I have learned alot.. trust me.. I know what to do and what not to do.... all it takes is willingness to learn from your and others mistakes.... so ask.. ask anyone yo know might have been in a situation or knows of someone who has been or anything just get a word of wise advice.... it's never too late to ask... and you're never too old to learn.... never....

All I wanted to say was I'm going home soon.... I'm getting the band together and I'm going to make something out of myself and them as well.... even though I have had a rough life for the past 15 years it's time to make things right.... I've learned from my mistakes.. and others can too...so just ask... ask and you shall recieve...

Because it's never too late to fix things.... there is such thing as too late if you wait too long yeah but it's never too late if you are determined and trying to get out of whatever you're in... and you're never too old to learn... never.... just be open to new ideas and what other people say.. one day you'll realize how important it might have been to listen to the wise people who knew because they we're there.... so always be open and ask questions and you'll be suprised and what you learn....

dude its like what the fuck man.... models out there striping what little they wear... whores, bitches, al this shit and yah all these guys so quick to jump all over them... yet what the hell is it with the little people... not really little. more like unwanted.. YEAH! thats it! punk has died and you aren't kool if you are.. why the hell not! what the fuck people! if you sit on on a street corner shakin your ass for money you're totally wanted... loox are all overall important anymore... you are judged based on what you look like they call "first impresions" but what the hell you cant tell shit about someone by what they look like especiall if its the first damn time! what the fuckin hell! anybody that ever did that shit to me hated me for life. yah that is one reason i am hated... people judge me and talk shit about me and i yell at them and tell them they are wrong cause its only true... if you dont know shit about me then dont say shit about me. thats 1 thing i cant stand.. yet people out there are judged too on how they first look and automatically get a good review cause they have on nxt to nothing! i still cant get over that shit! you have to be nude to be (re)viewed.. what the damn fuckin hell! maybe one day being an average everyday person who dresses and thinks and acts more "normal" will be seen as more realistic. i mean really if you have to look good and act like yeah you are gonna give some up to someone just to get some what the fuck! "no i dont like you i just want some booty" what the fuck kinda shit is that? and do you know how fuckin shitty it is when they fuckin get it!? i am like what the fuck! i dont wanna have to do that shit to like get a girl thats fuckin crzy and really damn pathetic and stupid! but what the fuck does that matter! its more successful and it gets everyone what they want and they are happy! yet a more casual approach is wrong these days.. rejection!

wear nothing or tight clothin (slut) and you do it on purpose and like all these guys come up to ya or yeah you get to figure out who's heart you are donna rip out and stomp on! and figure out which one you get to use for the night! how fuckin nice is that? how sweet to finish off the job you started and knew exactly what you were gonna do and how you were do it! gyah i could hate that shit worse of all! how can you sit there and go through all of the effort to fuck over a guy.. how do you sleep at night? thats right with the next guy in line! duh! shoulda known!

then on the other hand... oh hell i dont even know where to begin! anyone who know me well enough will know where i'll go with it in minute. catagorize people based on what we listen to. four main genres on rock. Metal, Hard/Alternative, Punk and "Emo". which do you pick?! ok i know most of you pick'd metal or emo. you know how i know? punk bands dont exist anymore. look at green day.. what the fuck happenend to the all the way back in 2004?!? 98% chance they begun the fad officially. I can also bet Fall Out Boy emerged and kept the music going under GD. c'mon tell me you dont believe me and i will look at you like you are a dumbass loser. what punk bands are still going strong?bowling For Soup when was the last time we heard them major mainstream? simple plan? even GC(even though i hate them soo much) if you can name em go ahead and think of the last time they were made a big deal out of on mainstream radio.

the number 1 thing takin over mainstream radio is rap.. now what the hels the dael with that? do you know when the last time i heard NICKELBACK on the radio? 3 months.. long enough to hear the new song a couple times! rap killed punk too! i hate it! damn everyone left the real world to join something they arent... are you really into that or do you wanna fit in to be able to hang with the rest? people are giving up their damn lives for shit they dont even fuckin need! you cant be who the hell you are.. but what the fuck everyone else convinces thier selves they are to!

so where'd our real world go? like the world corrupted or some shit! people hide behind the fake smiles sing about stupid shit they all pretend to care and think is cool. but is it really? could tha perhaps be what the fuck is ruining society? DUH PEOPLE! UH IT IS! look at yourselves damnit! when was the last time you could turn on the radio and here something not about love or sluts and street whores? i havent since the ... ever unless it were a toy radio or some shit!

what the fuck? is there any hope for a change of positivity in our world before its destroyed? war! #1... is it right? controversy... ok we call american troops heros... what is a hero? these troops are killing innocent people never did anything to us.. is that right? thats what the fuck is really going on! aint my fuckin heros! i envy them for having the BALLS to go commit suicide and its not for our country cause we have no damn business bein in Iraq when we cant even hold our own country up! homeland security is totally sucky! after Katrina and we are falliing apart what does Bush talk about/ KILL KILL KILL! is that fair? does that solve anything?

please if there is anyone out there who feels 100% with me plz tell me! i dont wanna be right on my own and be called wrong by thousands of stupid assholes who get drunk all night every night and go doin things i would never do. iwant real people who know what i state is true! there is no reason for any of this to be going on in our world! none at all! please do something about it... dont make me be alone in it...... please!

Send it in a message back if you think you could get the job... :)


Name:
Age:
Phone Number:
Location:
Height:
weight:
Hair:
Eyes:
Piercings/tattoos:


What Do You Think Of My?
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Manners:
Friends:
Decisions:



W0ULD Y0U...
[] go out with me?
[] give me your number?____________
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] take me out to dinner?
[] drive me somewhere
[] make love to me?
[] take a shower with me?
[] be my bf/gf?
[] hug me?
[] buy me food?
[] take me home to meet your family?
[] would you let me sleep in your bed if i didn't have one?
[]Smoke pot?
[] sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[] let me give you a piggyback ride?
[] come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere


D0 Y0U...
[] think im cute?
[] want to do me?
[] want to kiss me?
[] want to cuddle wit me?
[] want to hook up with me?


AM i...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?
[] interesting to talk to?


HAVE Y0U EVER...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "US"?
[] thought about hookin up with me?
[] found yourself wanting to kiss me?
[] wished i were there?

You know who easy it is not to be anybodys "type". When you are punk it is very easy. And now the new thing is emo? what the hell is that about? okay so everybodys is supposed to follow that now? just they think its kool? punk has lived since the late 70s and early 80s. now the new thing comes up all commercial and everybody has to follow it our youarent "cool".

Nobody has a heart these days. they have to be so hudgemental on peoples small opinionated views. who gives a fuck? we all think differently, and thats the way things will always be. you cant change who somebody is, no matter what the new fad is. what you do is who you are.someones personality makes them what they do or dont do.

why are we fuckin judged on what we say, how we look, what kinda music we like, and all that other shit! you arent good enough if if you like somethin someone else does or doesnt like. even if they dont know the damn person they assume right away thats a bad person. what the hell, you cant say what kind of person they are by lookin at them. you have to say ok i wonder what kinda person are they... maybe i'll go talk to the person.

maybe people are afraid. what the hell do you have to be afraid of? you never know what could turn out if you meet a new person. but all people do is just to damn conclusions. how are you ever gonna know whats out there if you dont bother to look. then bitch cause you cant find what you're lookin for.

like punk... now i am a nobody. whys that? cause i am not like everyone else. i think its good i aint tryin to be somethin i dont even know what it really is. i was born a punk, why the hell change who i am. just to please people who wont matter in the end. fuck that if i am not god for you fuck it. i am who i am i wont change to fit in. i found my place in life.

out damn society... corrupting right in front of us every day. a new generation will be crushed. old generation left behind... left to die. now what is there left? there is nothin left of me. but who cares now huh?

girls this is for you... what the hell man? i dont wear eyeliner like punk used to be (now emo?...) i am a normal being. so i am not good enough why? an honest answer... what is the real reason... is there even a real reason and a fucked up excuse? you arent worth it if i have to change my ways for you... so fuck!

the whole band thing now... my dreams were crushed in the hand of hell. not that bein part of it wouldve gotten me anything. money... and i cant "buy" a gurlz heart. and i am not the hottest band singer. so if thats not your type just leave now.

thats all i can think of to bitch about now. my wrists are startin to hurt and my mind is focused on that now....