So, I haven't posted one of these in forever! That's because I'm a fucking slacker. Well, I have resurrected my blog like Jesus....only mine took 6 months whereas J took 3 days. Anyways...here's the rub... it's not here on myspace...it's on Tumblr. Tumblr is more mobile friendly. Meaning i can post from my phone. So...head on over to skunkhair.tumblr.com and read up on the latest. I'll occasionally post here to tell you to go over there. Enjoy.

So, if you haven't heard by now, I am going to be a father. I have taken my vows for the lord.

not really. I did it with a woman and through the magic of super sperm, I have impregnated my wife. Which is actually really surprising because I thought I would've totally messed up long ago and have been a young father. However, the flaw in that is that I never got laid when I was young. So, someone was looking out for me.

fatherhood. that's a big word. three syllables. broken down into three words.. FAT...HER...HOOD. Read into that what you will. seriously though, right now... I feel good. Not scared. I'm actually more scared that my kid will be better at call of duty 4 than I am by the time they turn 5 months. Still, I don't think I'll get scared until she starts showing. At which point I'll be amazed that she's growing, what is essentially a giant sea-monkey in her belly.

how will i be as a father? i dunno. my father raised me up pretty strict... as is displayed by the fact that I am an absolute lazy ass nowadays. My father....well... in the latter part of my life he taught me not to be like him. He taught me, "don't rob the 7-11, rob the bank." He taught me right from wrong. Do as he says, not as he does. I think he gave me a pretty solid set of core values (i.e. don't mix vodka with sunny delight, looks like jizz & orange juice) that I think I can pass on to my child.

I'll have to play it by ear. Anybody know of a good smell blocker for changing diapers? I'm pretty sure my reaction to my first diaper change will be the same reaction I gave when I watched 2 girls 2 cup.

Storm's a brewing... potential power outtage. I'm out.

So, if you haven't heard by now, I am going to be a father. I have taken my vows for the lord.

not really. I did it with a woman and through the magic of super sperm, I have impregnated my wife. Which is actually really surprising because I thought I would've totally messed up long ago and have been a young father. However, the flaw in that is that I never got laid when I was young. So, someone was looking out for me.

fatherhood. that's a big word. three syllables. broken down into three words.. FAT...HER...HOOD. Read into that what you will. seriously though, right now... I feel good. Not scared. I'm actually more scared that my kid will be better at call of duty 4 than I am by the time they turn 5 months. Still, I don't think I'll get scared until she starts showing. At which point I'll be amazed that she's growing, what is essentially a giant sea-monkey in her belly.

how will i be as a father? i dunno. my father raised me up pretty strict... as is displayed by the fact that I am an absolute lazy ass nowadays. My father....well... in the latter part of my life he taught me not to be like him. He taught me, "don't rob the 7-11, rob the bank." He taught me right from wrong. Do as he says, not as he does. I think he gave me a pretty solid set of core values (i.e. don't mix vodka with sunny delight, looks like jizz & orange juice) that I think I can pass on to my child.

I'll have to play it by ear. Anybody know of a good smell blocker for changing diapers? I'm pretty sure my reaction to my first diaper change will be the same reaction I gave when I watched 2 girls 2 cup.

Storm's a brewing... potential power outtage. I'm out.

so, apparently myspace is a pain in the ass to allow me to add people to my preferred readers list. Apparently I have to search with a name (you know how many nancy's pop up?) or an email address. That's it. I have no other option. So, about the only people that won't be allowed to read my blog post will be people i work with. If you're not in that category then feel free to msg me with your email address and i'll gladly add you to my preferred list. It's a lengthy bitchfest of a blog and has multiple uses of the words "Fuck" and "dick." it's fun.

if i have your email handy, as in, i remember it off the top of my head, then i've already added you.

so, does anyone know how to add people to one's preferred list of blog readers? i can't seem to figure that one out.

let me take a moment to say that Michelle Malkin from fox news needs to be bitch slapped and then ass raped with a with a cheese grater. Not one of them thin ones. I'm talking the old school trapezoid looking ones with four sides and varying degrees of gratiness. so, here's the run down on why she pisses me off... Dunkin Donuts releases a commercial with their spokes person, Jersey whore (whom I find strangely attractive), Rachel Ray. She's wearing a scarf that resembles a keffiyeh. Which, as Michelle explains it on her site, is "...is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad."

Needless to say, the droves of idiots that follow her agreed with her and now Rachel Ray has been labeled a Jihadist terrorist. Way to go Faux News! I already lost all hope in Fox news, but now I have lost faith in all humanity. If you read the comments on her site (http://michellemalkin.com/2008/05/28/the-keffiyeh-kerfuffle/) the comments actually metamorph into rants about how the scarf resembles nazism and the KKK along with terrorism.

This drove Dunkin Donuts to pull the ads so they can maintain their PC amongst all those who threatened to boycott their donuts. So now we can continue to eat their fattening donuts and continue to support the dumbing down of our nation.

sorry for the rant..... but IT'S A FUCKING SCARF!!!!

i woke up with some chest pains this morning. hopefully by the time you read this i'll have determined that it's gas, heartburn, or i'm dead. here's to heartburn.


i really have to rethink this 4am gig. well, not the gig, just the "get to bed early" part of it. sleeping 10pm to 230am doesn't cut it. 4.5 hours of sleep kinda mess with ya after a while. then i get home and i'm not very productive because i'm just dead tired. that and nothing is open for breakfast at this hour. i'm lucky if 7-11 doesn't have coffee that's more than 4 hours old. they usually haven't gotten their pastry delivery so i can't enjoy the freshness of day old croissants. instead i usually have to partake in 2 day old hand made breakfast sandwiches. I can't eat a banana because it messes with my bp meds. the potassium blocks something. fruit is my own worst enemy.

ah well. here's to all the fools up at 3am. I know there are some of you up...mainly on the west coast, because it's a normal hour for you over there.

no, this really has nothing to do with romance and or relationships. but it has plenty to do with pure boredom of the mine. enough so that i think i'll write some freestyle poetry.

"i made it up as i went along"
by austin alvarado


fat-bottomed fangirls
getting their soapy heart throb
me, the only straight male
trying not to cause a scene
this guy is way too good-looking
is it humanly possible?
if i stare at him any longer
i'm afraid i'll go gay
quick, i'm in a car-showroom
think cars
that'll put me right
my wife is star-struck
is that drool on her face?
holy crap!
did he just recite an excellent dinner recipe?
his zipper is open
i laugh with the thought of the only imperfection
did i just look at his crotch?
quick, think cars!

so here I am at don beyer volvo. I played chauffeur to nancy to bring her up here to meet Aiden Piefacesomethingoranother. He's a soap star. Soap operas are entirely not my thing, but I thought, "what the heck?" well. I'll tell you first hand that everyone here is old, pudgy or a combination of both. More to come later.

I feel sick to my stummy this morning. Not sure what it is. Could be just simple shits. Could be i'm pregnant. Either way, it really sucks at 3am.

That and my blood pressure is up. I ran out of medicine and my insurance is being a cunt by not paying for it. So, now I'm stuck with no BP meds. Gotta watch myself over the next couple of days until I get all sorted out.

Hmmm.... not much talkative at 3am (not much comprehensive either).