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Stephanie Nicole



Last Updated: 5/21/2009

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Sunday, January 04, 2009 

Current mood:  sick

"The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway." -- Henry Boye

Hoo boy... We're going. Color me amazed. I feel awful today and I am in a mooooood. I'm going to go hop in the shower and then start getting ready while Mike packs the truck and prepares it to house five doggies. Elton, Sunny, Ashley, Raven and Austin need to all ride in the backseat of The Truck without fighting. Ashley, I am so looking at you. Mike and I stood in the driveway of his house and planned out how to set up the backseat to make it work for everyone but it's one thing to do a dry run with no dogs... It's a WHOLE other thing to toss a German Shepherd, a Boxer, a Border Collie and two Papillons in the backseat and say "play nice" and expect it to work. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed.....

And so if you'll excuse me I'm off to go finish getting ready to drive up to Northern Arizona. I'm looking forward to getting there but I am so not looking forward to the drive. I'll be Twittering my discontent periodically. Stay tuned.....

5:45 PM 
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Sunday, January 04, 2009 

Current mood:  sick

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live." -- Dennis Miller

You know who I don't like... My neighbors on one side of my house. Remember how Mike put up small decorative Christmas trees on either side of my driveway in the hopes of creating a festive roadblock to keep those pains in the ass from driving into my gravel when they park in front of their stupid house? Okay, well the trees were up for a few days when Mike and I drove towards my house to see that they (the lousy neighbors, not the trees) had put up some stupid "let's raise money for our local school" sign (pfft, you bred it, you pay for it pal, not me) thisclose to the tree on their side of my house. Now, it's on their property line and while there's nothing I can really do about it... (Aside from steal the sign, which we totally thought about doing but didn't because we figure we need all the good karma we can get. Look, to be honest with you, if it wasn't for my fear of bad karma... Oh my gawd the things I would do.) No, there really wasn't anything we could do about the sign, in and of itself. But... We could slowly move the trees out one inch every single night. *evil grin* So, every single night since The Sign went up Mike has scooted the trees out. Inch by inch their sign disappears from my sight. MWA HA HA HA. *looks around* We'll see how things go with that.......

You know something else I don't like... This sprained ankle of mine. It's grown tedious and sore.  I also don't like how exhausted I feel and I really don't like that I'm trying very hard to get organized for the road trip to Mike's Parent's House and all I really want to do is lay in bed and play Animal Crossing: City Folk on the Wii. We've been planning on leaving to go up to Prescott tomorrow, but I gotta be honest with you... I'll be amazed if it ends up happening. Although, the dogs are groomed and the gifts are wrapped and The Truck has been cleaned and I'm almost packed and... Gosh... Color me amazed, it might actually happen.....

Oo oo oo, on another note tonight Mike and I are going to try to make the Winter Bark from Martha Stewart Living. I thought it would be a fun little gift to take up to Mike's Parent's House. Earlier today Mike picked out a bunch of different dark chocolates and white chocolates from Whole Foods and later we'll be swirling different combinations together (vegan and non-vegan items will be produced and kept away from each other...) Domestic, yes. Fun, I hope so. Also, it's something productive I can do while sitting very still at the counter in Mike's kitchen. Yay sitting still!!!

5:36 AM 
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Friday, January 02, 2009 

Current mood:  sick

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up." -- Woody Allen

Another year and another opportunity for me to blog about all my wacky adventures... Last year, I was thrilled to see my number of readers ebb and flow from at least 50 a day to at one point about 1600 a day. It was cool to see and it's nice to know that while I sit here waiting for my body to heal I'm actually entertaining people a little. Even if it's only for a few minutes a day. And so without further ado... Actually, no wait. There's more ado. Allow me to catch everyone up to where I'm at right now.......

I'm still exhausted from trying to accomplish Christmas on time this year. And I'm pretty sure there's people doing weird sh*t around my house on a pretty consistent basis... I'm still very anemic and to make matters worse my adrenal glands still aren't functioning properly, which means that every part of my body that regulates hormones has been so overwhelmed with stress in the last two months that I just feel awful right now. I'm having trouble sleeping. I feel nauseous all the time. I have hot flashes. I get random chills. I feel dizzy and can't tell whether it's from the anemia or the adrenal glands malfunctioning. I'm in a constant fog and at random I'll suddenly be overwhelmed with adrenalin rushes that put most panic attacks to shame. That being said, I'm actually still doing better than I was a few months ago so there's that. I'm sorta kinda doing a little better and as soon as all the Christmas obligations are wrapped up all I plan to focus on is recovering from this health train wreck once and for all... And yes, I know that I shouldn't have even bothered with Christmas. I know that I should have just said "screw you guys..." and focused on my health but I was raised by a pack of narcissistic wolves and I have a hard time thinking about myself first. But, hey I'm working on it.....

Which brings us to Christmas, it should be over by now but Mike and I had a lot of crazy crap to deal with in the last few weeks so we're not exactly where we hoped we'd be by now. We did actually manage to celebrate Christmas with my Sister and her family. And with Lizandra and her family. And we even managed to enjoy our own Christmas celebration together. (Albeit the day after Christmas, but hey, I'm sure Jesus was fine with that. ) Now, all that's left is for me to see my Father at some point and give him his gifts and for Mike and I to *sigh* drive up to Prescott and give his family their gifts. And let me just point out that I'm not sighing because I don't look forward to seeing his family. I like Mike's family. they're very nice to me, which isn't something I take for granted. Trust me.......

To be honest, people's parents rarely ever like me. In fact, in high school every time I met someone's parents they took an instant dislike to me, which was fine because it was always mutual. (Like I've said before I can read people very well and it's a real challenge to try to ingratiate yourself to someone's parents when you know they smack their kids around or that Daddy would like to "accidentally" walk in on you, or his  daughter, in the shower. Yeah. Clearly I knew a lot of kids with effed up families... But, they went to church every weekend. *eye roll*) The lone exception to that rule was Lizandra's parents who understood that I was actually a good kid, and that aside from wacky hijinx I'd never actually put their kid in any danger. *sparkle smile*Well, any serious danger. *looks around* Seriously, parents would see me pull up in front of their house in a brand new BMW, wearing a pair of cut-offs, flip flops and a Metallica t-shirt and they'd assume their precious artifact children would immediately be tainted by what was clearly my non-Christian  unwholesomeness . Ha and Pffft I say. Ha and Pffft. I was more likely to ditch school to drive across town to Dillard's to make sure I scored the latest color of Hard Candy nail polish than I was to take their children out joyriding when they should have been studying. (Actually, Lizandra went with me on that trip. We both bought SpaceBoy and then got back in time to present something absurd to our joint English classes. Long story.)....

Now, you have to keep in mind that I really didn't have any close friends in high school, just a lot of acquaintances and I liked it better that way. Lots of people to go to detention with, few people to have to actually tolerate outside of a school setting. Anyhow, with the exception of one of the girls who's parent's I'm speaking of, without fail every single one of these cloistered religious children went on to smoke bad pot at scary parties, get drunk on cheap booze in parking lots, get arrested for consuming said booze and get knocked the eff up by real upstanding young gentlemen within a matter of months after leaving high school and the ever watchful eye of Mumsy and Daddy. As for me, I dropped out, remained straight edge, still wear that Metallica t-shirt to sleep sometimes, enjoy my latest BMW and  laugh when I think about how those parents reacted to me as I wonder how they feel about what their little achievers achieved.......

But, I digress. Parents disliking me has never been limited to playmates. It's all encompassing. Take for example, my first boyfriend's mother. She loathed me. (Remember I no longer count Cap'n Douchebag as a boyfriend, meaning I've dated two, count 'em two, boys in my life. Boy One and Boy Two. Boy Two is more commonly known as Mike. Funny side note, out of all the Mothers I've had to meet wouldn't it just totally figure that I would have the most in common with Cap'n Douchebag's. Oh she was a hoot. Figures right?) Anyway, I don't know if it was my money, or the fact that she thought I was Jewish, or any number of things (Oh the stories I could tell... The stories.) but God Bless America that woman hated me. I knew it, I wanted to call her on it, but I didn't. Out of respect for him and for the fact that I knew she had everyone around her nicely snowed and I'd look like the bitchy girlfriend picking on Mommy Dearest. *shrug* Story of my life. But , that was then. Now... Now, I'd have no problem letting her know exactly what I thought of how she treated her son. And that was the thing, I didn't give a rat's wiggly ass if she liked me or not, but the things she did to her son and expected everyone to be okay with... Ugh. I'll just leave it at that, it was a bunch of dreadful nonsense and I'll move on. On to Mike's parents, whom I really genuinely like and respect. And I'm not just saying that because I'm dating their son. I wouldn't bother, I'd just be sweetly quiet about the whole thing.....

Now, it's not exactly that I have a lot in common with them. In fact, when Mike and I were first dating we arrived at a family gathering in Phoenix and I immediately mentioned how we'd made epic time getting there because *wink/nod* I'd broken a few traffic laws (See, honest to a fault.) and I watched Mike's mother blanche and I pulled Mike away and said "why did you never mention to me that your Mother arbores speeders?!" His bad. I've never mentioned my penchant for fast moving vehicles again in her presence. I just wish I'd known ahead of time. *pointed look at Mike* And once, once I walked into the kitchen after we spent the night at their house to see Howard Stern on TV. I casually mentioned that I wanted to get Satellite Radio so I could finally listen to him again and watched in slow motion horror as Mike's Mother informed me that she hated Howard Stern. Oy. But, honest to goodness in all the time I've been dating Mike those are the ONLY times there's been any awkwardness or weirdness or... Well, okay, it's always very awkward for me when I wake up on one of our weekend trips and stroll out into the main part of the house to see that everyone is watching some sort of Deer Hunting show on TV. But, I've come to terms with it and I just smile and keep on trucking back to the shower to take my time getting ready (about as long as the show lasts) for breakfast. But, if the following is the only awkwardness I have to deal with, I'm strolling down easy street.....

Stephanie: "Good morning everyone..." *Glance at TV, see a deer happily frolicking around and think "awww..."....

Everyone: "Hi, did you sleep well?"....

Mike: *HUGE EYES, move towards girlfriend and point to something across house, dog, bird, tree, whatever*....

*GUNSHOT*....

Stephanie: *Thinks "oooooooh yes, it's that sort of nature program...* "I'm going to go hop in the shower real quick."....

Mike: "Great idea. I'll bring you in some juice..."....

And yes, at Mike's parent's house we get to sleep in the same bed, in the same room. None of that mock piety for us. And while it's not a bordello and we don't behave as such, no one thinks it's weird if Mike hands me something to drink while I'm in the shower. Which is nice, since at Boy One's Mother's House, I had to sleep on the couch. In the dark. Alone. With nothing but the sounds of the nearby Grandfather clock to keep my company. And Boy One's Brother's Cat. I'd end up sitting in the dark trying to read by the light of my cell phone while I waited for the sun to come up so I could stop worrying that there was something lurking in the dark waiting for me to fall asleep... Good times.....
So, that earlier sigh wasn't about going up to Mike's parent's house. It was about not wanting to go on a road trip anytime soon. And that's the only way to get up there and we have Christmas present AND a Border Collie to deliver so sooner, much sooner, than later we're going to be heading on up to Prescott. And I'm just going to have to suck it up and go no matter how I feel because I don't want to make them wait any longer to see their son. So, we'll be spending the next few days getting ready to go and baking dog cookies and wrapping presents and pumping me full of vitamins and iron-rich yum yums. In fact, I'd better get to work... On something...

11:09 PM 
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Thursday, January 01, 2009 

Current mood:  sick

"The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!" -- Edward Payson Powell

Well, like I said yesterday, Mike and I drove to the top of Swan and watched Tucson ring in the New Year aaaaand nothing happened. No fireworks. No gun shots. No nothing. In fact, until I turned on my police scanner and heard about the various ensuing chaos going on around town, it seemed like any other night. *shrug* But, it's now 2009 and cool stuff should be happening any moment I'm sure... *looks around* Any minute. Yup. *checks watch* Coooool stuff...

Ahhh screw it, here's my first meme of the new year... *blows party horn*

The 2008 Meme


 

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Well, I did a lot of things I'd never done before this past year, in fact, that's pretty much the definition of life, a series of new events occurring all around you that you've never experienced before... But, all sarcasm aside, in 2008 I managed to astonish a team of medical professionals by having an iron level of 3 and not needing a blood transfusion. Also, I gave 'em a little of the ol' jazz hands to prove I didn't need one, mostly because there are few things I fear more than having someone else's blood in my body and those things are going to jail and raising children, which are pretty much the same thing, if you ask me. Which you didn't, so that one is on the house.

 

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Let's see... Was my new year's resolution to feel close to death for as long as humanly possible, while thinking that I was perhaps going slightly insane due to malnutrition, horribly unbalanced hormones and prolonged hemorrhaging? No. Well, then did I say I wanted to make a point of learning things about my life that were both devastating and amazing at the same time? No. Um... Was there anything in there about not driving for another year in spite of driving being not unlike breathing to me? No again. And I'm sure I didn't say anything about wanting a doctor to try to kill me because of her unconscious hatred of me and everything I stood for... So, no. No, I did not. But then again, I didn't actually make any resolutions last year... SO, based on that diatribe there, maybe I should this year.

 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don't think so... But, I haven't left the house much. *shrug*

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not that I'm aware of...

 

5. What countries did you visit?
The magical land of anemia... *magical chimes*

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
An iron level above three would be nice.

 

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 3rd 2008 - The day I found out how close to death I actually was...

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I have to go with not dying. Also, I learned A LOT about myself and the people around me and the people that were once around me. But, not dying is still the biggie from last year.

 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Trusting other people who weren't worthy of my trust and tolerating a hell of a lot more bullsh*t than I ever would have if I'd been healthy...

 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
From the first day of 2008 to the last, I suffered from an illness... Can you guess which one boys and girls? Yes, that's right. I knew you could do it!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Oooooh... What was the best thing I bought... I'd have to say that I think it was the new flat screen TV I bought for the bedroom, but I'm not sure. I also bought Elton the best medical care you can get a doggie in Tucson and that was pretty great too. *leans down, pets dog*

 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mike, hands down, he's been the person keeping everything in my life functioning for the past year while I've been out of commission. I can't drive, I can't shop, I can't take care of the animals, I can't do a damn thing for the most part and he's done all of that and more and 9.9 times out of 10 he does it with a smile.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Oh how I would LOVE to name names and list behaviors but this is a public blog so I'll just say there have been a lot of people who I'd gladly put on that list. A lot. *zips lip*

 

14. Where did most of your money go?
To buy things... *shakes head at stupid question* "Oh uh, my money... I sent it to Disneyland... A heh heh heh."

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being able to move back into Mike's house after the whole toxic fumes nonsense in January. Buying a new mattress. Not dying. Not needing a blood transfusion. Finally understanding why I felt so terrible. Finally finding a doctor who was actually going to help me. Finally sleeping through the night again. Standing up to that horrible ER Vet. Elton almost biting that b*tch ER Vet and proving her wrong in every single way as he recovered and came home with us. The day our wonderful Vet told us she was sending Elton home with us so we could let him get stronger so she could operate on him. The beautiful white dove that Mike showed me in the backyard the morning of Elton's "make or break" surgery. Saving Ashley. How great the Christmas lights Mike put up at my house looked this year. The fact that I knew people were going to try to break into my house but somehow, someway, they didn't. Finding out that all the things I thought were true were.

 

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Viva La Vida by Coldplay

 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) Happier

b) Thinner

c) Richer


 

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had focused even more on my health and even less on everything and everyone else...

 

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish I'd spent less time giving people "a chance" and had just called things like I saw them immediately. I would have saved me a hell of a lot of time, money and energy.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes, with iron pills. *MWAH*

 

21. How many one-night stands?
Ew. None.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I really became a fan of "NCIS" this year, I always used to like it but it climbed the ranks to become a top five show of mine. Good job "NCIS." *golf clap*

 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

OH you better believe I do.

 

24. What was the best book you read?

Ooo, that's a great question... I read so many great books. You know what, the first book that comes to me isn't so much a book as it is a series. I discovered The Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris, when I was trying to decide if the show would be worth watching or not and what I found out was that I just love the books. I've still never seen the series. (I'll buy them when they come out on DVD.)


 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Satellite radio. Actually, that might have been in 2007 but I don't care because I still love it. Yay.

 

26. What did you want and get?
A bunch of stuff. Woo. Go stuff!

27. What did you want and not get?
I wanted to be finished with all this anemia nonsense by now and I'm not. So, that.

 

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
What I'm about to say is going to make me very sad for a moment... I did not see ONE movie that came out in the year 2008 this year. Not one. For three reasons. One, I'm far too sick to go to the movies. Two, watching movies when I'm too sick to pursue my dream of making movies is just soul crushing to me. And finally, three, the moment I focus on one thing for a prolonged period of time I fall asleep, so what I need is a new lap top so I can enjoy watching movies with enough of a distraction to keep me double focused. I know that makes no sense but I don't care, it's the truth.

29. What did you do on your birthday?
I had anemia. Anemia and a giant vegan cupcake.

 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Oh come on, you know where I'm going with this one... Fine. Not having anemia would have made my year more satisfying in a vast and wonderful way.

 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I would describe it as: Stephanie + White T-shirts + Adorable Pajama Bottoms + Flip Flops + Cute Necklace + Frequent Naps = Anemia Chic.

32. What kept you sane?
Myself. Mike. My Animals. Mr. X. The InterWeb. Coffee. Books. Driving around talking with Mike. Therapy.

 

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't really go 'round fancying public figures. I read about them, I learn about them but I don't fancy them.

 

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nothing political stirred me this year... I suppose I could say the election but not really. I knew who I was voting for and I voted for them.

 

35. Who did you miss?
I miss Healthy Stephanie, she was even more awesome than Sick Stephanie is...

 

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Hell, I don't think I met any new people in 2008 that would qualify for "best" but I could easily tell you about "worst" but again... Public. Blog.

 

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I learned that I absolutely, categorically have to listen to my intuition because when I don't... Hoo boy, when I don't... *shakes head*

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

These friends, they don't love you
They just love the hotel suites
now I don't care what you think
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In misery...

-- "I Don't Care" Fall Out Boy
Currently listening:
Folie A Deux
By Fall Out Boy
Release date: 2008-12-16
8:01 PM 
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Thursday, January 01, 2009 

Current mood:  sick
"Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go." -- Brooks Atkinson

And we've finally arrived at the last day of 2008... It's been a hell of a year, and I don't mean that in any sort of nostalgic way. Of course, I have learned a lot this year, I've grown a lot this year, I've figured a lot of things out this year and all of that is completely and utterly invaluable. However!!! I'm ready for my life to become more balanced. You see, and have no doubt read, I've been living very, very internally for the past few years. What with being almost bedridden and all, I chose to devote my time to enhancing my inner-self, tackling complex issues and understanding things I would have never taken the time to understand if I had been forced into a... Well, a sort of forced meditative state. If I'd been healthy for the last few years I would never have dealt with the things I've worked through, which means that in it's on paradoxical way I'm a healthier person for having been so sick. Neat. But, I'm really ready to move outward a little, I'd like to be able to... oh say, GO FOR A *#%@^&*! WALK. *phew* Sorry about that... Look, my point is that I like to think I utilized the last year to the best of my highly anemic, shocked the doctor I walking and talking at the same time, take four iron pills a day and lick a cast iron skillet whenever possible abilities. But, I really want 2009 to be a little more about stuff that's not so internally focused... So, *fingers crossed* that'll happen next year.

And all that being said I'm not looking forward to 2009 in any major way. I know that 2009 will be a year of changes, the largest of which being that I know it's going to be the year that El Dog crosses over and I'm not looking forward to it. I've known for a long time that it was going to happen in 2009, and that was one of the reasons why I fought so hard against that insipid vet that attempted to inform me that it was "time to let him go." Wrong b*tch. And it wasn't. About a year ago, early one Sunday morning I was in a special state of mind where for a moment or two I was open to the fact that one day Elton was going to cross over and I decided to find out how it was going to happen. My biggest fear was that he'd end up being euthanized in some ER by some Vet he'd never known, I knew that with every fiber of Elton's being he wouldn't want that, so I decided that it would be best if I put my ego aside for a moment or two and made plans for how his life would end when the time came... And God bless him, in a matter of minutes I knew. I knew I'd wake up one morning and he'd cross over at the foot of the bed, on his dog bed, next to Sunny (the Boxer). It broke my heart to think about it but once I knew, I understood that he'd go on his terms and it would be from his heart. So, you can imagine my lack of surprise when our wonderful Vet told us before his massive surgery last year that it was going to be very risky because his heart was rather enlarged and that if he made it through the procedure, it would most likely be his heart that ended his life. I nodded and said "he's winding down his time here." She agreed and when he went into that surgery I was in the strangest place, on one hand "knowing" that he was going to fine and on the other, I wasn't sure if I had any idea what I was talking about... Clearly, I did because he's sitting on the floor, under the desk I'm sitting at with his head on my feet as I type this. I know I'm going to saying good-bye to him in this form this coming year and I can't stand it... But, what can I do? What can anyone do when faced with the knowledge that someone they love is dying? Love them more, love them often and make every moment count. And that's what we'll do until the day he decides it's time to go.

And so with that on my mind and a new year ahead of us, Mike and I are going to drive to the top of a local road and watch the New Year sweep into town. I'm hoping to see some fireworks, or maybe something cooler, though I don't know what... Maybe a cougar wearing a New Year's Hat or something. I'm not sure. So, off we go and Happy New Year to you...
5:59 AM 
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Tuesday, December 30, 2008 

Current mood:  sick
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." -- Bill Vaughan

And here we have it, almost New Year's Eve and once a-freakin-gain I'm sick and can't go do anything, seriously this has to end in 2009. I can't take it anymore. I've been sick for the past three New Year's Eves and even though right this second I'm the least sick I've been, I still feel terrible. And I'm sure I should, the last few months have been nothing but stressful and challenging and not in that "oh boy a challenge" sort of way that people seem to enjoy so much. But, that's okay because I'm sure I have many years of exciting New Year's Eves ahead of me, in fact, I think I'll make a list of places I'd like to be on New Year's Eve in the future...

But, in the meantime, here's some tasty filler:



 

You Are Empathetic and Impassioned!

 

 

 

You view the world with childlike wonder. You are very inquisitive. You can help but spy, investigate, and ask questions.

You are a very creative and innovative person. You dream big and rarely do something the same way twice.

You're sweet and easy to please. You seek out comfort in your life.

You seek identity in your life. You are constantly figuring out who you are.
10:57 PM 
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Monday, December 29, 2008 

Current mood:  sick
"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." -- Oprah Winfrey

Wanna guess how I feel today? Yeah, I thought not. So, here's some filler:



You Remember 70% of 2008


 

You were paying attention during 2008.
And you remember what happened really well.
You'll be able to talk about 2008 for years to come...
Even when most people have forgotten what went down.

Well, that's good to know because my biggest fear about the anemia is that I'll have lost my photographic memory, but so far, so good. *phew* Besides, some of it was about sports and... *shrug*
4:59 PM 
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Monday, December 29, 2008 

Current mood:  sick
"To be "on edge," you are literally not centered - not being in your spiritual center." -- Carrie Latet

I feel terrible. I've backslid into the bad part of the unbalanced hormones and the anemia again. They go hand and hand after all. Stress makes my body do weird things and then through a series of events that I'm sure anyone who follows my blog or actually knows me would understand I become more and more anemic and so long as the stress and the unbalanced hormones are in charge I'm the anemia's... Well, you know. So, what can I do? Not much. I can rest and follow all my doctor's orders like a good little girl and I can wait. And like Mr. Petty said, the waiting is the hardest part. I don't want to be sick anymore. I don't want to be weak anymore. I don't want to feel dizzy at random or forget what word I'm going to say next anymore... *sigh* I just want to be healthy again.
2:47 AM 
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Sunday, December 28, 2008 

Current mood:  sick
"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like." -- Lemony Snicket

Blegh... I feel horrible today. We had a late night at my Sister's house and I mean, L-A-T-E. But, Christmas is finally done. Aside from Mike's parents. We still need to go on up to Dewey to have Christmas with them but Mike called them and explained how bad we were both feeling and they said they understood and would be happy to see us whenever we came up. *phew* So, now it's just a matter of us resting and recuperating to the point where we can actually feel safe driving across Arizona.

And when we do finally drive up to Dewey/Prescott/Prescott Valley we won't just be going up to exchange presents. No. We'll also be going to exchange one small-ish Border Collie. Yes, that's right Mike finally called our "friend" to ask the million dollar question, "Is she our dog now?" "Friend" answered the phone and said "oh how weird, I was JUST going to call you..." Rii-ight. Mike ignored that and asked pretty point blank if we could keep her, since he clearly didn't want her back and if he would have an objections to us finding her a new home. Of course, he didn't. Big surprise there. Mike then asked if he wanted to see her one last time before she left town, ostensibly forever, and he said "na'h I've got photos..." Yes indeed, that would explain the quality care she had been being provided with over the last few years. So, that was that. We'll probably never see the guy again and you know what, it's not a big deal. Really it's not, I just wish he'd been a little more forthright and explained that he took the Border Collie to keep her away from (as I like to refer to her) "Coco, the Crackwhore " but he didn't know what he was getting into and she was too much for a man with a new baby to handle. We'd have praised to the heavens him for saving her from Coco and then we'd have taken her promptly without a second thought, but the way he handled it was so... I don't know, fraught with avoidance, which is just a trait I can't admire. But, what are ya gonna do? *shrug*

So, once we figured out that we now sorta kinda owned a Border Collie we had to figure out what to do with it. We thought about keeping her... But, that would bring our dog total up to eight and eight dogs we do not need. Besides, we're living out of Mike's house while my house gets worked on and then after that who knows, and there's the fact that we're still trying to find a home for three other (stray) dogs so it's not like we were looking to add a dog to that mix. Of course, she's a wonderful dog but she's a handful. Just super high energy, way beyond anything I can handle right now. And Mike was way past the point of being overwhelmed before this so we had to sit down. Also, her previous owner tends to pop in to check on her a lot which is driving Hurley up the wall. The poor kitty gets scared to death when he shows up. Probably because he never met him when he was alive so now it's even more random and scary. The other animals don't seem to mind but Hurley will barely even eat these days and there's nothing else wrong with him. So... That left us with one totally obvious option. Border Collie's Grandma!!!

Actually, we weren't too sure how that would go because when Mike asked "Friend" about taking Border Dog up to see her Grandma he acted like it might not be a good idea but he didn't know because he hadn't seen her in ages and uh... Again, very helpful. Mike put me on finding her phone number and in just a little bit of time I found it for him. He took a deep breath and then said "okay, what do I say?" A valid question. After all he hadn't spoken to her since long before her son died and he hadn't been at the memorial service, because no one let Mike know there was going to be one. Some guy Mike had once been buddies with called and left an incredibly vague message on Mike's phone asking if Mike was coming up that particular weekend but since Mike hadn't spoken to the guy in ages Mike, and I, wrote it off as random, odd, vague and a little unusual but otherwise totally ignorable. Now, had he actually used his words and asked if Mike was planning to attend the aforementioned friend's memorial service Mike would have called him right back to see what was going on. But, like I said... vague message = no call backsies. And then the friend who had been in custody of the Border Collie hadn't gotten in touch with us either... He'd stopped by my house a few times but waited until long since it was timely to leave a, once again, vague note asking Mike to call him. *shakes head* Now, you might be asking yourself "why wasn't Mike in touch with his old friend to the degree that he would know if he, oh I don't know, DIED?!" And that's a simple one. Mike had told him as nicely as possible that we cared about him but neither one of us was coming near drug use ever again. That effectively ended their friendship in a real non-confrontational "I'll call you sometime" sort of way... It's all really sad actually... Anyhow, that's why Mike wasn't in communication with him when he died, and hadn't been for about a year prior, sooo... *looks around* And that's why Mike now felt incredibly awkward calling up his old friend's mother.

And that's how the call went... Awwwkward. She had no idea why Mike would have Border Collie, she had no clue that Border Collie wasn't be well taken care of but she had assumed that "Friend" with Border Collie was doing just fine with her and she wasn't happy to hear that Border Collie was in such bad shape. She added that "Friend" should have know that she wasn't able to take Border Collie because her dog and Border Collie didn't get along and she'd told him that, but... Well, she'd call Mike back. Oh it just went swimingly. Mike and I sat in silence for a few minutes and then I addressed our dearly departed friend and said "See what happens when we kill ourselves..." Then Mike told me to stop haranguing the dead and I joked around a little further before saying "look, if his Mother can't take her, we'll keep her, it'll be a pain in the ass while I'm still recovering but she's a great doggie and we'll be fine." That settled that and we just kept on keeping on until Dearly Departed Friend's Mother called Mike back a few days later. She explained that she'd been shocked to hear about Border Collie, was shocked to hear that she was living with someone else and was shocked that she had been in such bad shape when we'd gotten her. Mike explained that she was doing much better now and we had been hoping that she could come stay with her grandma for a little while because I was too sick to help Mike handle eight dogs and blah blah blah and sure enough she said she'd been happy to take her. *PHEW* Mike got off the phone and excitedly told me and Border Collie the news and as soon as she heard "grandma" she got very excited. Everything was, and is, going to work out just fine...

And so now, I'm off to take my 5th nap of the day because I can barely keep my eyes open right now...
1:19 AM 
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Saturday, December 27, 2008 

Current mood:  sick

"Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind." -- Mary Ellen Chase

SANTA FINALLY MADE IT TO MY HOUSE!!! YAY!!!

Well, as everyone knows Mike and I put Christmas off until the day after Christmas because I was too exhausted to actually do anything besides sleep and occasionally wrap gifts. Then later in the evening Mike woke me up so we could decorate our Christmas Tree. Yeah, that's right, we never got around to it. Too busy and then too exhausted to actually enjoy it. Like I said this has been a horrible month and I'd like to think that as of last night, the horrible part is over...

And in keeping with that concept, today was *sparkle eyes* CHRISTMAS here at Mike's house. I woke up and bounced out of bed. Then I felt dizzy and laid back down until the room stopped spinning, recognizing that if I was feeling this dizzy this easily I was on my way back to the slums of anemia town. Not good. But, I stopped worrying about it soon enough because Mike woke up and said "you should go see if Santa came last night..." Now, I knew Santa had dropped off Mike's Christmas gifts before going to bed but I hadn't even thought about the gifts Santa would be bringing me. Too exhausted. So, I slipped into my slippers and walked out into the living room. Well, it was more like limping, but it got the job done. I had a pile of gifts waiting for me and a full stocking hanging nearby! I was also being followed by a small herd of dogs, who wanted to go outside. So, I strolled towards the backyard and noticed that it was... snowing outside!!! I walked over to the phone and called Mike on his cell to come join me, I had to call him because I'm too easily winded to shout for him. That's one of the earmarks of the anemia getting worse, I can't shout without feeling short of breath. He picked up and I told him about the snow. Then he walked out and informed me that it was sleet, not snow. I said close enough and called it a Christmas miracle. Sometimes you just gotta make do... Meanwhile, Mike headed into the kitchen to fix us a quick breakfast and grab my vitamins for me while I changed out of my nightgown and into some lounge worthy pajamas...

After I changed, I tuned the satellite radio to one of the Christmas stations because unlike regular radio, which had stopped playing Christmas music at midnight the night before (I was in the shower listening to terrestrial radio when they switched, it went from Christmas music to "Red Red Wine"... Fail. Fail. Fail.) satellite radio was still cranking out the Christmas tunes. And Mike came and joined me.

Mike played the role of Santa because I was already feeling really tired. (Anemia.) I pointed to what order he should open his gifts and I started slowly unwrapping my gifts (I'm a slow unwrapper. I like to savor.) I began to notice a theme to my gifts. I got a Disney Princess ornament with my name on it... Then a Disney Princess jewelry box with my name on it... Then a set of Disney movies, books, and CDs, all of which involved Princesses... As well as a Disney Princess pin (purely for Disneyland pin trader show-offery. Yes, I'm a nerd.)... Then there was the Juicy Couture tote bag, Juicy Couture candy bracelet and Juicy Couture candy necklace. Which lead me to the Juicy Couture Princess Carriage Charm and the Juicy Couture Crown Charm. It was absolutely adorable, Mike had done an entire Princess theme for me this year, which all by itself would have been darling but then he mixed in some items I'd really been wanting from the Juicy Couture line and that made it even better. Especially considering how earlier in the month, or maybe even late in November (I'm not sure I remember at the moment. Anemia.) after I'd been insulted by yet another person calling me a princess I'd told Mike that I wanted to reclaim the title since everyone kept using it as an insult towards me... He'd remembered and he'd done an amazing job.

As for my gifts to him, well I'd found all sorts of cool Lego stuff, collectors items mostly, and some books about Lego, also for the Lego collector. I also got him a new iPod Nano and I found a speaker that was made to look like a Lego brick to go with that. (We love themes, can you tell?) I was also getting him some snazzy new parts for his truck but I couldn't wrap those so those weren't under the tree. And then it was time for stockings. I mostly went candy happy with what I got for Mike's stocking and as for mine, well, he got me some vegan yum yums as well, but he also got me an ornament from Hallmark that played "Santa Baby" (my second favorite Christmas song ever) and I thought I was done. I was telling him what an awesome job he'd done on picking stuff out for me when he said "you didn't check all the way at the bottom of the stocking's toe yet did you..." I dove back in. A box from Tiffany's!!! Awwww, another theme... There was the ornament that played "Santa Baby" which talks about Tiffany's and then a box from the aforementioned store and inside was a silver heart shaped charm that said "naughty" on one side and "nice" on the other... It was the perfect way to top off my Christmas loot pile.

And now... Now Mike and I are about to undertake the wrapping of each and every one of my Sister's Birthday and Christmas gifts, my nephew's Birthday and Christmas gifts and my brother-in-law's Christmas gifts. (Yeah, I'm a liiiiittle bit behind on gift wrapping this year. Blame the anemia, I know I will.
12:05 AM 
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Thursday, December 25, 2008 

Current mood:  sick
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home." -- Carol Nelson

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

(Everyone except for myself and Mike, who aren't celebrating Christmas today. Instead we'll be wandering around in a festive zombie haze, eating vegan Christmas yum yums and watching "A Christmas Story" non-stop until tomorrow. Oh and at some point I'm sure we'll be wrapping each other's gifts. And napping, lots of napping shall take place as well. And let's not forget packing my ankle in ice every few hours or so... That too.)
Currently watching:
A Christmas Story (Full-Screen Edition)
Release date: 2007-11-01
7:25 PM 
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Thursday, December 25, 2008 

Current mood:  sick
"Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times." -- Kate L. Bosher

So, I wake up on Christmas Eve and I'm exhausted. I'm just toast. Burnt toast. Now, the smartest thing I could have done after spending an entire night patrolling my house for douchebag ninjas would have been to have woken up, eaten, taken my assorted vitamins and gone right back to sleep. Especially once I realized how awful I felt, which now included my newly acquired fever. A fever who's sole purpose in life was to let me know exactly how displeased my body was with the previous night's activities. It was also there to deliver a simple message. A simple message from my body letting me know that I was going to go back to being my body's b*tch for a while. Again. For the... Well, I've lost count at this point. It doesn't matter anyway. 

So anyway, there I sat in bed, slowly waking up and taking all this in for the next few minutes, just stewing away before I remembered that it was actually Christmas Eve... And then it all came flooding back to me... As we all know in spite of all the past few week's hijinx I'd been doing everything in my power to see to it that this year I'd be able to actually celebrate Christmas in a timely manner. (Lest I have to hear from everyone repeatedly about what wacky month we'd celebrated Christmas this year... October, July and so forth.) And I wasn't ready to throw in the towel just yet... And clearly neither was Mike, who was already awake and had made me some oatmeal. I thanked him and we began discussing everything that had transpired the night before... Then we started to discuss how we were going to handle Christmas. We decided to say to hell with actually celebrating it on the "official" day, after all chances are that Jesus wasn't born in the middle of winter and the chosen date was merely misappropriated from pagans to make their transition to Christianity run smoother, so with that in mind we decided that Jesus wouldn't mind at all if we were a day late celebrating his birthday and we decided to sally forth and attempt to gather up all the gift's for my good buddy Lizandra's family and wrap our little hearts out so that we could see them sometime around, oh say, midnight to exchange gifts. We'd blow off our grand idea about going to Mike's parent's house on Christmas Day and we'd push back seeing my Sister's family until a later date. Oh, and we'd exchange gifts on the 26th. Hopefully. But, for the time being the focus was on getting our gifts to Lizandra's family sometime around midnight...

Exchanging gifts with Lizandra's family is an old tradition of ours that was born years ago as a way for Lizandra and I to see each other in a Christmassy fashion between her family's Christmas Eve celebration and my cavalcade of random Christmas Day nonsense. She'd come over to my house at Midnight and we'd exchange gifts in a giddy half-awake manner and then continue on with our own personal celebrations. Then I got sick and we were lucky to ever celebrate in the winter again, much less in the same year as the actual Christmas. So, this year I really really really wanted to accomplish our Christmas Eve Celebration. Of course, I had planned on things working a wee bit more in my favor in the weeks leading up to Christmas Eve but I still wanted to do it...

So, Mike and I got to work. Well, Mike got to work. I sat on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass and directed him on how to sort various gifts into different piles so we could wrap them for their recipients. Then after the piles were complete, we headed out to run last minute errands. Usually last minute Christmas shopping is something I really enjoy, because ya'll know how much I like bustling Christmas chaos but this year it was more like an apathetic series of early closures from every local store. Mike and I ran into store after store closing hours earlier than last year and we begin to hit a crunch time where suddenly people's gifts that we hadn't purchased yet were being jettisoned to the "we'll buy it after Christmas, because God knows we're not going to see them anytime soon" pile. And that's how we made our way around town. Mike ran into stores and grabbed last minute items (Tape! Water! Iron Pills! Etc!) while I alternated between dizzy spells and hot flashes in The Truck. Finally, we ended up at my house with nothing left to do but swing by Walgreen's for one color of ribbon and then it was time to pick up pizza. Our traditional Christmas Eve dinner.

On our way to get the evening's pizza Mike asked me if I'd remembered to bring a sample of the wrapping paper I was trying to match up the ribbon he would be attempting to locate and of course, I hadn't. So, I decided to just stroll inside with him. Something I rarely do because I'm so scared of fainting in public. But, I was feeling ballsy, mostly I was feeling dizzy and hot but also ballsy, so I swung my door open and hopped out of the truck. Without looking, of course. And out I hopped right onto a rather uneven area of pavement. And 1... 2... 3... I had sprained the hell out of my poor little right ankle. I actually ended up sitting on the curb, sorta willing the pain to knock it the hell off for a just a second before I noticed that people seemed to be trying to decide if they should offer me some change since it was Christmas Eve. Mike helped me up and I hobbled into the store... Where he left me propped up against a display (I tried to look casual) while he went to grab a snazzy new ankle brace for me. By now, every fiber of my being was SCREECHING at me to just throw in the towel and go home and ice my ankle and watch Christmas movies and go to bed. But, I think we all I know I don't give in that easily.

So, I followed (dragging my leg behind me like I'd recently gnawed it off...) Mike to the "Hallmark" aisle and saw that not only had there been the expected huge rush on Christmas colored ribbon but there'd been a rush on ribbon in the colors I was looking for (pale pink and earthy brown) so I stood there and looked around sorta assuming that this was just another in a long list of signs saying "give up... go to bed..." But, No. I sent Mike to go fetch some twine because I knew that would work with the earthier wrapping paper I was planning on using for some people and then I bought a bunch of "Baby Wrapping Paper Trim Kits" because it had pink ribbon in it. TA DAH! Done. I followed behind Mike like a Mad Scientist's assistant to the check out line and then he helped me climb into the truck. I propped my foot up on the dash and we both let out sounds of shock and a few "WHOA, that thing is swollen" type comments. Dandy. Just dandy.

Mike went back in to purchase frozen vegetables for me to pack my ankle in and then we made our way to pick up the pizza and I Twittered about my ankle's twistiness while Mike retrieved our food. Then it was onward to Mike's house for eating and wrapping... By which I mean, eating and then napping. Yeah, wouldn't you know it. I came home, ate some food and fell into a deep anemia induced food coma. Waking up much later than I should have to help Mike with the wrapping. I checked in with Lizandra, she was shocked that we were actually going to attempt to come up to her house but she was looking forward to it... I had been as well, so I parked myself on the floor by Mike's Christmas Tree and began wrapping Lizandra's pile of gifts while Mike took on Laylah and Dennis and their dog's gifts. Mike is great wrapper but he's not as meticulous as I am so he moves a hell of a lot faster. I'm a wrapping paper perfectionist so I move a hell of a lot slower...

Time ticked by, ten, eleven and then midnight. Mike and I shot each other looks. Should we still try to drive across town to the edge of Marana to celebrate Christmas with them? We wanted to but was it a good idea? No, of course not. So, what did we do? We sat around discussing the plan for the next hour while I added bows and ribbons to the packages and then took photos because I know damn well that most of the awesome wrapping I'm doing is only going to savored by me. Eh, that's all that counts anyway. *shrug* And then we decided we were going to head on up to Lizandra's house. I called and let her know we were coming and she said they'd be waiting for us. Mike loaded the truck with enough presents to give a reindeer sore hooves and we headed off towards parts unknown.

But, not before I looked at Mike and said "we should really go check on my house again..." He agreed and we tacked on another half hour to our drive by stopping by my house to check for ninjas. Luckily, thankfully and with more than a little help from a guardian angel I'm sure, my house seemed to be perfectly safe and completely unbothered. *PHEW* We hung out there for a little bit, mostly admiring Mike's Christmas Light Display and then it was time to drive towards Lizandra's house. By now it was at least 1:45 in the AM. I checked my Twitter Feed for Santa Updates and continued refreshing to entertain and keep both myself and Mike wide awake on the way there.

We slowly crept up to Lizandra's House and parked. First things first, a little Christmas prank was in order. You see, a few month earlier I had ordered this bizarre insta-snow from a website and Mike and I had made plans to drive to people's houses and cover their cars with snow in the middle of the night so they could have a nice "what in the..." moment when they woke up in the middle of the summer. But, I've been a very sick little prank monkey and it never happened so right before leaving Mike's house, I remembered the snow and Mike helped me make a few gallons of fake snow to take with us. Which is what I slowly limped towards their vehicles with. Mike helped me scatter it in a believable manner and when we were done everything looked a little bit more Christmassy. It was neat. But, the moment couldn't last for too long because we had packages to unload. So, we went to the front door and a very sleepy little Lizandra answered rubbing her eyes. Okay, maybe 2:30 in the morning is too early for Christmas, but whatareyagonnado?

We told her and Dennis to go hide in the kitchen and Dennis left to go wake Laylah up while Mike carried in all the presents and I arranged them in a pleasing display, Santa style. Then we called them in and everyone started taking in their gifts. I had gone with an unlikely combination of Juicy Couture meets Camping Trip for Lizandra. Dennis was on the receiving end of a Craftsman theme. Laylah got an assortment of video games and girl stuff and we'd found some very cool toys for their dogs. Meanwhile Mike was also opening up Craftman related items and I was enjoying an assortment of books and toys. And then in a flurry of wrapping paper and sarcastic half-awake Christmas humor it was almost all over. Mike and I pushed The Family Gift towards everyone (last year it was a Wii and a selection of games) and let them open it. The Family Gift was born when Laylah came to live with Lizandra and Dennis and Mike and I wanted to give them something the whole family could enjoy together. This year it was iPod Nanos.

Laylah got a pink one with her name on it. Dennis got a black one that proudly proclaimed his love of The Steelers and Lizandra... Well, you see my good buddy Lizandra and I have a running battle going. I want her to upgrade to high speed Internet and she (for reasons I can only guess at) refuses to let go of dial-up. So, her spiffy new silver iPod nano said "not for use with dial-up" on the back. *looks around* After the laughter died down and Laylah went to bed we all sat and chatted for a while, mostly about Lizandra's new hobo pie iron (hey, they said it was fun for people who camp and she camps) and then it was time to go home and go to sleep. Mike and I walked outside, having totally forgotten about the fake snow and were promptly busted by Lizandra and Dennis for having coated their cars with a light dusting of snow. So much for that surprise, but it still looked cool.

And then we headed back across town to... Yup, you guessed it... My house to make sure it was safe one last time before we went home and crawled into bed. My ankle let me know how thrilled it was with me all the way home and well into my attempt at falling asleep. I ended up flipping on QVC and watching their annual "we're not selling anything but we are sharing our lives at home with you for the next 48 hours" show until I fell asleep. Zzz.
6:44 AM 
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Tuesday, December 23, 2008 

Current mood:  sick

"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them." -- P.J. O'Rourke

Well, yesterday was an absolute f*cking delight. No really, it was a lovely day in all sorts of splendid ways. Let's see... There was how sick I felt when I woke up, how sick I felt all day long, listening to someone dump on me for about an hour on the phone, running into my someone and his wife in the parking lot at Barnes & Noble (most insincere greeting of the month award goes to her...) and then the piece de resistance... Get comfy, it's a fun one...

Okay, so let me preface this story with a little backstory fun time. I think by now I've established that I have some pretty nifty abilities, mainly of the psychic variety, of course this doesn't mean I think I'm Madame Cleo ("Yaaa he no good for ya child, why you be datin' dat mon?!") and I can't generate lottery numbers (Why? Because it doesn't work that way, that's why.) but what it does mean is that in my own way I can do things a lot of other people can't do. I wish I was better at it but I've never had any sort of mentor (up until a few years ago and then it was only for a little while, but that's a story for another time) and it's been sort of a trial and error, read some books, meditate and try stuff out. And not surprisingly, as I've gotten healthier and worked through a lot of childhood bullsh*t, it seems like my abilities have only gotten stronger.

I can remember a few years ago when a friend of mine contacted me, he was having a pretty rough time and he needed some help, he was stuck somewhere with a horrible person and he wanted out but couldn't afford to escape. I was more than happy to help him and eventually we reconnected at the local airport. I was waiting for his plane to land and as I did I got this feeling, this oogy feeling that I can't quite describe, either you know that feeling or you don't but the point is that I stood there waiting and I had this sick feeling surrounding me but I didn't know why... Eventually, my friend came walking out and I rushed up to hug him... But, wait. I felt like he wasn't alone, like there was this other person was there, clinging to him, in this sickly sense. Of course, I looked around for just a second and clearly no one else was there. But, I could still feel this energy around him this... There's just no other way to describe it, it was this sticky dark manipulative energy that basically felt like the personification of Ursula, the sea witch from The Little Mermaid. I paused and looked at my dear friend, he looked exhausted, like he'd had all the light sucked out of him and it made me angry, very angry. I suddenly reached towards his neck and retrieved a necklace, it was a twee vile full of dried blood. ("Hi Angelina Jolie called to let you know she did it first and better ya crazy bit...") He looked at it like he'd forgotten about it and took it off right away. I made a few choice comments as he explained that the horrible person he was trying to escape from had instructed him to wear it and he been tired and had done it to placate them and then had forgotten about it as he tossed it into his bag. He excused himself to go use the bathroom and left his bag in my care while he went. I thought about stealing the vile to throw it away (or utilize it in another fashion) but this wasn't my fight, per say. Instead I sat and focused on trying to unravel the energy from my friend. It didn't feel like magic to me, at least if it was it wasn't good magic, it just felt like a very toxic person had really gotten to my friend and I was doing what I could to bolster him up a bit without stomping on anyone's free will. (Not that I wouldn't have liked to have stomped on Ursula's a bit, but there's rules I like to follow. Most of the time.) Anyhow, the point of this story is twofold. One point was to point out how I can read energy and two was to point out that a person doesn't have to work magic or be any special type of person to leave a trail of toxic energy in their wake. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, have you ever been around someone who just straight up drained you each time you interacted with them? Exactly... And so now we make the transition from example to the (faux) meat of the story...

A few weeks ago Mike and I pulled up to my house, and I was set to admire my Christmas lights. After all, Mike did a fantastic job on them this year and I was talking about them to Mike as we rolled towards my house. Only when we pulled up, half of the lights had been unplugged. Of course, I knew immediately that someone had intentionally unplugged them because there was a trail of energy around them that I could feel but I try very hard to be pragmatic in these sorts of situations because that's how normal people function and I like to give that an opportunity so we looked for other sources of the unpluggery. We brainstormed and we hypothesized but at the end of our debate both Mike and I knew that someone had clearly unplugged our lights. But, we didn't think much of it the first time, after all odd stuff happens around my house often and Mike plugged everything back in and off we went back into the night. Then it happened again. And again. And a few more times. That was when Mike employed a system of zip-ties to secure everything in place and make it a challenge to unplug. And that seemed to work. It seemed like my house was being left alone. But, that was until last night.

Once again Mike and I pulled into my driveway and once again it looked like someone had yanked at my Christmas lights. We both looked at each other and I said "they're baaaaack." Mike hopped out and said "they were a lot more aggressive this time..." and then I was informed that I was to stay in the truck while he checked things out. Now, Mike's a thinker not an intuitive but he's also a Scorpio and they always seem to have an innate sense of intuition to some degree and I knew damn well that one or two angry men had been around my house that night. It felt like they were gone but I'm sick and I'm tired, strike that, exhausted and that puts a damper on all my abilities, but especially my intuition. So, I stayed put. Then Mike came back out to the truck and said "someone threw a rock at your house. Like a softball sized rock. It took a hunk of stucco off the wall and... Well, do you want to come see it?" I really didn't. In fact, my eyes started to tear up because I was so upset. But, I knew I needed to see it to assess what was going on...

We walked around to the back of my house, the opposite side from all the unpluggery (you see the front of my house faces away from a main road in town, while the back does not... So, the back is located behind a six foot wall that has a sidewalk on the other side of it...) and Mike showed me the rock. It was a pretty large rock and Mike added that it was an odd choice to pick to throw at someone's house, too big to be thrown easily... I leaned towards it and touched it and said "whoever threw it was trying to break one of my windows to see if there's an alarm on the house..." Mike looked grim. Then he pointed to the large notch in my stucco between a window and a glass door... Bingo, I walked around the yard for a little bit and felt sick. Someone wants to break into my house... We definitely decided on that, but why... We wandered back up front and we talked for a little bit. It just felt like such an odd situation. I mean, there's nothing in my house right now but boxes (mostly of clothing, CDs and books) and some animals. That was when it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, someone wants to hurt my animals... I told Mike and we discussed that idea further. Of course, we went with my gut on this one but first we went through the list of other reasons, causes, and so forth why someone would be bothering my house... Maybe it was a group of Christmas hating teens who threw a rock at my house but left the large easily reached inflatable untouched... Yeah, no. Maybe it was just some random prowlers but then no one else's house has been hit in my area lately and my house has a huge wall, security system stickers on every window and an assortment of large barking bitey dogs (like Champ, the Doberman, that's taller than Elton the German Shepherd) plus beware of dogs signs, so why the hell would you pick my house to rob. It just didn't make sense... Not that someone wanting to hurt my animals made sense either. But, it's a gut thing. I try not to ignore those, because I always regret it when I do.

So, we stayed at my house for hours last night, just hanging out and worrying. Now, like I've said before there's practically nothing in my house which means there's nowhere for a sick little Stephanie to curl up and nap while she waits to see if a couple of guys are trying to breach the parameter so she can call 911 while Mike clubs them like baby seals with the bat he had near him in the library. (Not that I support clubbing baby seals, because I don't, I don't even support taking baby seals clubbin' so there.) But, eventually I started to run a fever, which is what happens if I stay awake too late because my body starts to function incorrectly and very bad things happen, it's all hormonal and circadian and it was almost fixed and then the last two months were horrible and I screwed my body up royally again, so I went out to the truck and fell asleep for a while. Then while I was sleeping I had some sort of dream that woke me up. I panicked for a second because I was in a truck in the middle of the night but once I woke up a little more I told Mike that I couldn't quite explain it but the house felt safer now. Like the threat had passed. Again, I can't explain it. But, by then it was almost 4:00 in the morning and I needed to go home and go to sleep. Which we did after Mike checked and rechecked everything at my house three times.

I woke up a little while ago and I feel horrible today, like I'm battling off a cold and everything is really screwed up inside me right now. But, I still went to see my chiropractor today because he's been helping me realign my strained arms (damn you computer!) and he said to me "maybe you're flu-ish..." to which I replied "no, I don't celebrate Chanukah." Yeah, that's right you can keep me up all night worrying but you just can't keep a good Stephanie down. :D
Currently listening:
Christmas Eve and Other Stories
By Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Release date: 1996-10-15
10:05 PM 
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Tuesday, December 23, 2008 

Current mood:  sick
Charlie Brown: [Charlie Brown and Linus stop at a wall on their trip to the pond for ice skating] I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.
[begins to walk with Linus again]
Charlie Brown: I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.
Linus Van Pelt: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.

-- A Charlie Brown Christmas

I suppose it shouldn't come as a HUGE surprise to myself or anything but it seems like after years of spending the day online or at the very least in front of the computer in some capacity (writing, writing, and.. oh yes, writing) my hands are pretty unhappy with me... Actually, it's more like (and this is according to my chiropractor) the way I've been sitting for so long (in bed, leaning over my lap top as I typed furiously) has rearranged my muscle structure ever so slightly to create a situation where my alignment is a wee bit off and as a result stuff is all bunched and pinched and tweaked so... Uh... Right now, I can't feel my hands all that well. Mostly the middle finger areas. Yeah. Heh heh. Now, before anyone jumps wildly to any conclusions, it's not Carpal Tunnel, it's a tight muscle issue and hopefully in a few weeks it won't be anymore... In fact, as I slowly regain my strength and return to being more mobile and more yoga-oriented everything should stop doing this... Which would be dandy, mainly because waking up with numb hands isn't anywhere nearly as cool as you might think...


The Christmas Meme


 

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both, it totally depends on the structure of the gift I'm giving and the theme I'm using and my mood and all kinds of fun gift wrapping stuff. Some day I dream of having a Mrs. Spelling worthy gift wrapping room... *dreamy look towards the sky*

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real. Real. Real. I can't imagine having a fake tree in my house, I just love the smell of a fresh Christmas tree so much...

3. When do you put up the tree? I don't exactly have a day that the tree has to be up by per say, it's more a matter of when the spirit moves me and when I find the perfect tree and so forth...

4. When do you take the tree down? After New Year's... But, before the Treecycle program ends.

5. Do you like eggnog? Oh dear God no. In fact. the recipe for eggnog has always made me think "soooo, it's basically liquid pancake batter that you're supposed to drink in a celebratory manner AND sometimes there's lots of booze in it... BLEGH." Now, that brings us to soynog. Which isn't much better. I buy it. I'll drink half a glass of it but it's still not something I crave. Strike that. I crave it in a "well, it's Christmas, I better drink some soynog once at some point..." sort of way. Then I'm done with it until next year.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hmmm... There's a few good ones. My black cocker spaniel puppy, Max. My sweet German Shepherd puppy, Sage. And then there's the year that I got Molly, my American Girl doll and every single one of her accessories and each item was wrapped in it's tiny box so when I made it to the formal living room to see the tree the presents spilled out in wave across the floor. I was unwrapping for hours... It was awesome.

7. Hardest person to buy for? I don't know anyone that's "hard" to buy for, but some people do call for a little more research or a little more imagination than others...

8. Easiest person to buy for? Mike, hands down.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes. Actually, I have a few.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? *shudder* MAIL, of course. I mean, I might mail out some fun eMail cards but there's no way on earth I'd make those my official Christmas cards. No, no no. Christmas cards are supposed to be beautiful and handwritten... Speaking of which, I should REALLY be working on mine right now.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I can't think of a worst... If I've been given something I haven't liked, I've just donated it. But, nothing really comes to mind when I try to think of a "worst."

12. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Well, Christmas Eve dinner is always pizza and then Christmas Dinner is usually a modified version of Thanksgiving dinner. This year the plan was to wake up on Christmas morning at Mike's house and open presents and then drive up to his parents and have Christmas dinner with his whole family but this year I'm way the hell too sick for that sort of thing *phew* so, Mike's going to cook dinner like usual. Yay.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? The moment I see something that I think would be perfect for someone after Thanksgiving.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No. That's just tacky.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I don't really have a favorite Christmas food, but this is usually the time of year when I drink a lot of Hot Chocolate. Actually, it's the only time of year that I drink Hot Chocolate, so there's that.

16. Lights on the tree? At Mike's house the lights on his tree are multicolored and at my house the lights on my tree are either white or pink...

17. Favorite Christmas song? "Christmas Time Is Here" by Vince Guaraldi because it's sad and beautiful and Christmassy and it's exactly how I feel at Christmas...

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Well, I'd prefer to stay at home but...

19. Angel on the tree top or a star? At Mike's house there's a Santa on top of the tree and at my house it's an Angel...

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning!!!
3:23 AM 
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Monday, December 22, 2008 

Current mood:  sick

"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!'  or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'" -- Dave Barry

Yeah, I'm really over the whole Christmas thing today. For a variety of reasons to be honest, but what's really on my nerves right now is... Well, let's just say that I wish I could go back in time and mail out my Christmas cards earlier so they'd arrive, you know, earlier. Yeah. Honestly, I feel horrible right now and I'm ready for Christmas to be over so I don't feel the crunch of an artificial time constraint coupled with the pressure of trying to accomplish things while feeling, well, horrible... *sigh* And now, some filler:


What Color Christmas Lights Are You: You are Multicolored Lights!


Your holidays are a time for cheer and excitement.
You love so much about the holidays, and everyone perks up a little from your happiness.
You try to be grateful for what you have this time of the year.
Even if things have been tough, you can't help but be joyful.
3:30 AM 
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