I believe you can find out more about a person by their dislikes than their likes, so here's a short list, in no particular order, of people who bug the hell out of me.....
- liars
- greedy people
- ego-tards
- hypocrites
- people with poor hygiene
- stupid people who don't know they're stupid
- smart people who won't let you forget they're smart
- irresponsible breeders
- "playas" (When did it become ADMIRABLE to use lies and deceit to get what you want from chicks?)
- whoever had the brilliant idea to replace the pleasant little jingling bells on ice cream trucks with that fucking music box that repeats the same tune, ad nauseum, while the truck idles right outside MY GODDAMN WINDOW for fifteen minutes (Sometimes I can't get "Turkey in the Straw" out of my head for a week.)
- people who stop at red lights with their stereos blaring so loudly that YOUR mirror shakes
- people who call taxis to pick them up, and don't START getting ready until it is there, so the cabbie gets to sit out front honking for ten minutes at 6 in the damn morning
- people who play with their car alarms
- people who can't go 5 minutes without spitting
- guys at bars who go use the restroom, DON'T wash their hands, then come out and want to shake your hand
- people who spit when they talk, and don't seem to notice (or care)
- chicks who turn you down because they already have a man, then cheat on him anyway with the biggest scumbag they can find (not that it's ever happened to me or anything)
- guys who are mean to fat chicks
- chicks who are mean to fat chicks
- fat chicks
(just kidding)
- panhandlers who tell you their life story (Why can't they just get to the point and ask for money so you can say "no" and get on with your life?)
- guys who scratch their nards (UNDER clothing), then touch everything in the store
- vegetarians who try to recruit you
- white people with dreadlocks (or cornrows, for that matter)
- breeder women who expect you to worship their child as much as THEY do
- Rosie O'Donnell
- strangers who act like you owe them a favor
- people who expect to be congratulated, or even REWARDED, simply for not screwing up
- motherfuckers who cuss too much
- Elmo
- ex-smokers
- people who hold up the entire grocery line to argue with the cashier about what is/isn't on sale (or payable by WIC voucher), or to count pennies/coupons
- the TY-D-BOL man (Dude, get the hell OUT of there already!)
- Andy Dick
- people who knock over entire displays at the store, and make NO effort to pick ANY of it up, or even to move it out of the way
- people who fart in your car
- people who repeat themselves
- people who talk louder the drunker they get
- people who repeat themselves
- people who insist on putting their feet on your dash when being driven somewhere
- people who startle you, then act like YOU'RE the a-hole/weirdo
- people who continuously walk around barefoot until their soles are jet-black, then go to bed without washing their feet
- Peggy Hill (Okay, I KNOW she's a cartoon, but still.)
- people who pick their nose and wipe it on the couch
- people who cough without covering their mouth (especially during flu season)
- people who back into you and step on your foot, then give YOU a dirty look
- pretty girls/women who do not realize that bitchiness will make them ugly
- chicks who are only attracted to "bad boys," then when these "bad boys" start to ACT like "bad boys," the chicks whine to YOU about it, because you are such a "good friend"
- people who think it's uncool to laugh
- people to whom EVERY conflict appears racially or gender based
- people who can't understand that someone else's taste in music might not match theirs
- people who like hip-hop or country music
(If I actually have to TELL you I'm kidding, you've just made this list.)
- that ugly kid on the back of the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese box
- ex-fatties who make rude comments under their breath when they see a CURRENT fat person (see also: "hypocrites")
- cashiers who lick their fingers while retrieving your change from the till
- people who use their car keys to dig wax out of their ears, then use their thumbnail to scrape it off the keys, then wipe their thumb on their pants
- drunks who lean all over you
- people whose favorite word is "should've," but only when talking about YOU
- people who say "should of" instead of the correct "should have"
- Angelina Jolie
- people who will read this list, and decide that I am "bitter" or "have issues" instead of "observant" or "right" or even "grouchy in a funny sort of way"
- people who do not realize that THEIR lack of planning does not equal YOUR emergency
- the "geniuses" who decided to reserve premium parking spaces at the grocery store for "expectant mothers and customers with infants"
- George Quincy Bush
- the marketing braintrust who devised that commercial, that's always on Comedy Central, for that male enhancement drug--the one with that damn whistled tune that gets stuck in your head for a month
- people who don't wash their hands after taking out the garbage
- people who seem to think the word "across" ends with a "t"
- guys who let hot chicks get away with being a pain in the ass
- chicks who reward bad behavior by their significant others (again and again and again), then wonder why the dude treats them so badly
- people who yell up to their friends' apartments in crowded neighborhoods instead of ringing the doorbell
- Tony Robbins (..or is it Tony Little?)
- the other one of those two
- the spider that is currently crawling up my wall
- people with ugly/dirty feet who wear Birkenstocks
- potheads who bitch about cigarette smoke
- people who stock their refrigerators of condiments completely at the expense of fast-food joints
- people who think cruelty to animals is funny
- stupid hicks
- people who let their dogs drink out of the toilet
- people who leave their cars idling with the stereo on full blast, while they run inside for a minute (which turns into 15 minutes)
- people who can't close a door without slamming it
- food service workers who make a mistake and take fifty forevers to correct it
- Do I even need to MENTION telemarketers?
- actors who think they're politicians (I'm not talking about the ones who actually RUN for office. I mean the ones who make the most noise about issues, while doing NOTHING to change them. Are you listening, Ms. Garofalo?)
- former criminals who have "found religion" and never shut up about it
-Michael Moore
- people who are already offended BEFORE you've even finished your sentence
- people who repeat themselves
- people who criticize adults for enjoying Mad Magazine
- Duncan Nutter
- old people who think they know EVERYTHING
-young people who think they know ANYTHING
- chicks who give you that condescending little pat on the shoulder as they turn you down
- people who, in comparison to any other genre of music, refer to THEIR favorite type of music as "REAL music"
- guys who refuse to comprehend that chicks DO NOT experience sex exactly the same way WE do
- people, who are familiar with the 80s, who can never hear the name "Wang Chung" without singing that one line from that one song of theirs (You know the one I mean.)
- sci-fi/fantasy geeks who are oblivious to the fact that most other people aren't the same way
- guys who automatically think that the chick who just turned them down must be a lesbian
- clinical psychologists who tell you to "get a life"
- people who can't seem to do ANYTHING quietly
- whoever invented those damn car-shaped shopping carts
- people who seem to think "Steppin' Out" is the only song Joe Jackson ever recorded
...which brings us to...
- people who say "Who the fuck is Joe Jackson?"
- people who never appreciate low-brow humor
- people who ONLY appreciate low-brow humor
- guys who grow beards so shaggy that their nose whistles when they breathe
- guys who ACTUALLY BRAG about their masturbatory habits
- people who go to the store in their bedroom slippers
- people who sneeze too loudly
...and on the other hand...
- chicks who do the "chick sneeze" where they try to supress it, and it makes that little squish-noise
- people who get stumbling-drunk in public with no forethought about how they plan on getting home
- people who leave trash in your car
- smokers who never have their own cigarettes (It's usually because they're "trying to quit." Well, try HARDER, motherfucker!)
- roommates who have parties EVERY night (whether YOU like it or NOT) and expect YOU to help clean up the next day
- roommates who insist on taking their dumps with the bathroom door open
- borrowers who act like they're doing you a favor by paying you back
- people who clumsily dance in crowded places while holding a drink in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other
- people who don't take "no" for an answer, at LEAST by the THIRD time
- chicks who blame the other chick when their man cheats on them (jer-RY!! jer-RY!!)
- guys who feed their chicks the "I can't feel anything" argument against using a condom
- chicks who fall for it
- your best friend's girlfriend who blatantly hits on YOU right in front of him to piss HIM off
- people who let their toddlers answer the phone
- people who become belligerent when you tell them to go fuck themselves
- inconsiderate smokers (They are the reason the REST of us are so villified.)
- chicks who punish you for taking "no" for an answer
- Michael Powell (Don't get me started.)
- chicks who are offended by the term "chick" (They are not allowed to use the term "guy" in front of me.)
- chicks who have conversations about gynecological/obstetric matters with other chicks in front of mixed company and, when you can no longer hide your revolsion, become indignant and claim that they were having a "private conversation"
- people who wear tank tops in public with huge clumps of deodorant hanging from their pit-hair (or even worse: no deodorant at all)
- people who abbreviate their names into "cute" little acronyms (Are you listening, Mrs. Lopez-Anthony?)
- people who think it's "cute" when their toddler displays profanity/violence
- guys who won't PULL UP THEIR FRICKIN' PANTS!!!!!!!!
- lens lice (These are the MENSA candidates who stand behind a TV news reporter, who is doing a live spot, and wave, make assinine hand-gestures, and make goofy faces. PARTICULARLY irritating when the report is about something serious)
- most of the litigants on "Judge Judy"
- Johnny Depp
- women who can't argue a point without sliding their head from side to side and waving their index finger in the air
- people who give unsolicited advice, when THEIR life is a trainwreck
- people who don't finish what they start
There will almost DEFINITELY be additions to the preceeding list, probably sooner rather than later.
If you've actually read this far, I'd like to first say get a life, and then say thanks for finishing what you started.