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AwesomeZara



Last Updated: 6/30/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 27
Sign: Aquarius

Signup Date: 2/22/2005

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Tuesday, June 30, 2009 
WTF happened to AwesomeZara?

She became absorbed into the very real person that is just plain Zara. The Awesome part came from so long ago that I don't care to go into detail about here or any place else anymore.

FAQ:

Q: Are you still a bitch?

A: Yes, always. Being a bitch is a word of honour. I'm occasionally a cunt if the situation calls for it, but you can always count on me being a bitch

Q: Whatever happened to AwesomeMidget?

A: Well, she's the main reason why I'm not doing the blogging thing like I used to. I stepped away from the virtual world in order to be a more observant mommy. Midget will be 9 years old in October, hard enough for me to believe let alone some of you who have her frozen in your minds as that cute little 5-6 year old. She's a stellar kid. I enjoy her bunches.

Q: Who are you in a relationship with?

A: It's true that I ended up in a relationship with a former blog reader. We live together with the Midget as a family unit. He is good to me and I am happy. Any other personal details really shouldn't be discussed. Being single is easier on the blogger than being attached, OMG.... I could write a dozen blogs on it.

Q: Are you still writing?

A: Yes, and how! I actually get PAID to do it now. Selling out was my ultimate goal and I have achieved it. I'm still not finished with a book or anything, but that's on the horizon.

Q: And that Canadian dude....

A: Which Canadian dude? Surprisingly, there were enough emails about this to warrant a FAQ entry. They have been answered individually, but for the sake of him possibly reading this, people still ask. Wow, that's major wound opening.

Q: I miss your blogs. Are you ever coming back to MySpazz?

A: I just did. But to flesh that answer out, no.


Hope everyone is well in their own little worlds. Probably busy over at Facebook, but aren't we all?
12:23 AM 
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Tuesday, April 03, 2007 

Category: Friends
Loopholes.

Hell, let's just talk about holes. Holes in our minds, holes in our hearts, holes in the fabric of our souls and all the other froufrou poetic bullshit like that.

The last time that I posted on this account, I left open a loophole for me to post on it in the future. That loophole has since been sewn shut. Things happen, things suck. What can you do about it?

It leads me around to how much I hate women. I think in the past I was fairly clear about how I don't have a very high level of respect for them, including myself. I hate when I act girlie, I hate when my actions and reactions are based on a purely hormonal instinct. I simply hate women.

Let's start off with a woman's desire to please. The willingness to bend over backward in the attempt to keep people from hating them, that if a person dares to say that they're not fond of a woman, even if she doesn't know or like that person, she'll still fuss over the circumstances leading up to why.

Who should give that big of a fuck if someone doesn't like you? Oh, and I just love when women put on this grand show that it doesn't, thus proving in their elaborate attempts to showcase how they don't care that in reality it's the only thing that they can think about. People pleasers are generally of the female variety. Over-achievers and Rachel Ray little cloned beams of sunlight.

What the fuck ever.

I hate how women are insanely insecure. Let's hold myself up as a prime example. There is never a point where I ever feel good enough. EVER. I've never felt smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, enough of enough. Even when riding high on a good day, I will go in search of something that proves that I'm really just shit by comparison.

And in the midst of a bad day, I will go in search of punishment, being the glutton that I am for it.

I hate being a girlfriend so much so that I avoid really connecting with a man. I hate the jealousy and feelings of inadequacy that creep up and turn me into a beast from hell, suspicious and catty and mean-spirited. I hate that I don't want to make my boyfriend the center of my world because of the implications of that, how it would give him power and how I hate giving over power and yet my female sensibilities tell me that I should. And then I hate that I seemingly make him the center of my world anyway.

But even moreso, I hate girlfriends. I hate male friends having girlfriends and not being allowed to talk to them. I hate how girlfriends change everything. The way you talk, the way you hang out. I hate that those changes destroy a friendship. I hate having something so great be yanked away. I hate that the compromises that you have to make to try and salvage that friendship turn it into something that makes it a shadow of what it once was.

I hate how hard it is to walk away from that.

I hate that I will eventually get over it. Because I don't want to get over it. That I will eventually forget, that the memory will fade. Because it should never fade. That eventually feelings of nostalgia will appear as a preservation technique of the brain.

And you know what? Nostalgia fucking sucks. I don't want nostalgia. I don't want to look back on my fucking friendships like I look back on how kitschy a David Lee Roth video was. I don't want shit to be reduced to that.

 So instead, I hate women. I hate girlfriends. I hate myself.

And I hate fucking loopholes. But at least there are none floating open in the air anymore.






So, to lighten things up after depressing everyone with my lack of loopholes, here are some of the quotes that were in a book Midget recently received. (Thanks Sammy, it finally made it.)


"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere."

"Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds."
            
                    - Albert Einstein


"Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve."

                    - JK Rowling


"The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire."

                    - Oprah


"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination."

                    - John Lennon


"If you don't know where you are going, you can never get lost."

                    - Herb Cohen


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

                    - Dr Suess


"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."

                    - Katherine Hepburn


"Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it."

                    - Tallulah Bankhead.




Carry on.


Oh, and on your way out, don't forget to read my latest column and click on the "Digg it!" button at the bottom.

Behold and Embrace the Crappiness!!
2:04 PM 
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Monday, January 01, 2007 

Category: Writing and Poetry
For those of you who are new to my writing, you're probably more familiar with my social commentary rants. Not too long ago, I wrote a piece of fiction entitled "Building Friction" which was a fantasy of how I wanted certain things in my life to play out.

There are those people who got into it and some who didn't. This post is mainly to let you know that the work has been moved and to give you some easy access links to it if you'd like to read it again (or for the first time).

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve
Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
Part Fifteen
Part Sixteen
Part Seventeen
Part Eighteen
Part Nineteen
Part Twenty
Part Twenty One
Part Twenty Two
Part Twenty Three
Part Twenty Four
Part Twenty Five
Part Twenty Six
Part Twenty Seven
Part Twenty Eight
Part Twenty Nine
Part Thirty
Part Thirty One
Part Thirty Two
Part Thirty Three
Part Thirty Four
Part Thirty Five
Part Thirty Six
Part Thirty Seven
Part Thirty Eight
Part Thirty Nine (Conclusion)

Thanks again to everyone. I hope you all are having a great weekend. If not, occupy yourself with some reading. :)
7:16 PM 
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Saturday, December 16, 2006 

Category: Writing and Poetry
6:12 PM 
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Sunday, May 28, 2006 

Category: Writing and Poetry
For those of you who are new to reading my rants, not too long ago I had a minor bout of writer's block. The rants that I've been posting over the course of the past week are the type of things that I like to write best. But I got a little burnt out and my mind stopped thinking in a straight line long enough to get anything written.

So I began a journey into fiction. I suppose that I'm lucky that writer's block for me is something very different from what it is for everyone else. I'm the daughter of an English teacher, and while I love my mother, growing up I used to loathe how she would force me to write. She enrolled me in creative writing courses and made me write book reports for her during spring breaks. "Just write," she would intone. She believed that if you sat down and started scribbling something... anything... that nature would take its course. Writing fiction has never been an issue for me.

So I started a story that remained untitled for 17 parts, finally gaining its moniker of "The Dawn of Darkness" in part 18. Around the time that I posted the 14th or 15th part, I was certain that it was just about finished. But my mind just kept adding more to the story. It was as if it wouldn't let me kill it until it was done breathing.

It started out as a simple exercise to keep my writing skills up and turned into a fucking monster. It transitioned from a questionable love story to a sex-drenched romp to something altogether twisted. As I continued to write it, I went down in my prior high rankings. People unsubscribed in droves. But I couldn't shake it until it was over.

I never planned any of the parts ahead of time. I sat down at night, after Midget had gone to sleep and would peck out the next installment to be posted the following morning. If you had asked me at Part 3 if I had any clue what was going to happen in Part 22, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. But fuck. I wouldn't have been able to tell you what would have happened in Part 4.

I received some really positive responses from the piece, and while I ended up hating the bitch in the end, Dawn was quite the experience for me. She freed my mind from all of the bullshit trappings that it had been drenched in, and allowed me to feel confident enough to go back to the writing style that I consider to be my specialty.

I've moved her over to my personal site, so if her fans go looking for her, that's where she's been laid to rest. For the newer readers, if you ever get bored and have a few hours time on your hands (or if you're one of those people whose work has MySpace blocked) head on over there and give it a whirl. If you're not into graphic, you might want to steer clear though. To give you an idea of what it got like, I'll just let you know that I read two books by Jack Ketchum over the time that I was writing it.

Here are the links to the various parts. You can read many of my other writings at this site as well. There are over 100 pieces that were previously posted here at MySpazz in my more comfortable style, as well as diary type entries that are only posted there, in case you want an idea of what the inside of my head sounds like at times. Thanks for reading.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve
Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
Part Fifteen
Part Sixteen
Part Seventeen
Part Eighteen
Part Nineteen
Part Twenty
Part Twenty-One
Part Twenty-Two
Part Twenty-Three
Part Twenty-Four
Part Twenty-Five
Part Twenty-Six
Part Twenty-Seven (The End)
6:45 PM 
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Friday, February 24, 2006 

Current mood:grateful beyond description
Category: Web, HTML, Tech
That's right.

There is now a www.AwesomeZara.com.

It's not fully up and running just yet, but that's where this post comes in. See, I'm going to be transferring my older blogs over to that site in the next few weeks or so. I'll still be writing regularly on Myspace, but anything older than 10 days will be moved over to my own site. (The fear of Tom and his censorship wielding minions is a strong one indeed. I don't want to lose any of the work I've posted here.) I'll also have some stuff that you wouldn't normally be able to read here. It's a giant leap in the apathetic style with which I normally operate in life.

There's one thing that I would like to ask of you readers. Well, I suppose it's two. First, I was hoping to be able to describe my site - essentially, my writing - in the words that would do it best - YOURS. Just like the blurbs from famous authors written on the covers of books from writer's that I'm not familiar with, I put a good deal of faith in the concept of: "You are defined by whom you associate with." I would love to have you readers write blurbs describing my style of writing as if you were recommending me to new readers. You can leave those as a comment here, or e-mail them to me directly if you wish. If we use them on my site, your name will be quoted, so list that as you would like it to be seen.

Secondly, I'd like to know what you think of the graphic that I have. Currently it's an unplugged mic, (which for some reason reminds Tyler of Mitch, so I'm not entirely sure if that makes me happy or sad) but I'd like to know if there's something better that you think should be there. Any ideas for a different or better graphic would be greatly appreciated. If you create one of your own, let me know, and if we use it, you'll receive credit for it.

After my little bitchfest yesterday, I'm surprised that more of you haven't fled. I can be a crazy, wound-up drama queen at times, but that's only 1/16th of the total person that I am. I suppose one could say that it's part of what makes me interesting to read, I'm not sure. I just want to let you know that I'm not pissy like that all the time. Most of the time I'm gratingly boring. Although I'm never a drag. I've been called a tug, a pull, and a yank.... but never a drag.

*insert big, stupid, cheesy grin*

Brandon fucking rocks, by the way, for creating the (soon-to-be) almighty www.AwesomeZara.com. He rocks in even more ways that I can even begin to get into... but I'll settle for throwing in a plug for www.DamnFunnyTShirts.com. Don't forget to check out their shirts as well.

Hey Brandon.... I think you need a new one that says "I know it all... and I'm still sticking with this crazy bitch." Sure, it's company specific.... but, well... you know.


Love you guys and appreciate whatever help you have to offer.
2:23 PM 
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Tuesday, November 01, 2005 

Current mood:Halloween rocks
Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child.
Listen to the DON'TS
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child.
ANYTHING can be.

-Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends


**AwesomeZara's note: If you don't own this book, then go buy it. It's not just for kids if you've got an appreciative mind.
5:14 AM 
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