In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, here are some simple thoughts and rules to bring to your attention.
1. Thet farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you will do all week in the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you are going to get dust on your car.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were 7 years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi" We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will fet you wipped ... by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for ... bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You bring coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have on stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
14. Yeah we eat catfish. Carp, too - and turtle. If you want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80, and 90 go east and west - Interstates 29, 35, and 69 go north and south. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in a pickup waves. It's called being friendly! Understand the concept?
18. Yeah we have golf courses. Just don't hit the water hazard. It spooks our fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
Enjoy you visit!
Written by Dan Hendricks for The Sun