Nation,
Today I come to you because I have picked another "Stephen Colbert’s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert". This young one is a individual that claims to be a movie from the 80’s, calls themself "Bite Me", and is from the great state of Michigan. It can be found at

myspace.com/bitemethemovie

I found this profile just after watching the great 80’s classic "The Lost Boys" that featured an unstoppable due of boyish good looks known none other than "The Corey’s". This of course is the world renowned Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. Ah, I remember those two’s whimsical acting and Tiger Beat Magazine posses got the Nation through much of the tail end of the cold war with smiles on their faces and songs in their hearts. Nonetheless nation I found this flick with it’s vampire comedy feel and reminisced, only to find out that there is a "Lost Boys 2" coming out this year... with BOTH Corey’s! Yes nation this proves it! The 80’s are coming back, slowly but surely. Now all I have to do is bring back together the all Colbert members of Stephen and the Colbert’s for a reunion tour to cash in on this 80’s mania.

But this brings me to the subject of my discourse. I chose "Bite Me" for a number of reasons. One because of my support for telling other people to "Bite Me", and of course the 80’s, and my love of the Corey’s. Now this got me wondering Nation. How should I go about choosing a new "Stephen Colbert’s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert". Many of you have asked me "Stephen what can I, your humble servent do other than put you in my top friends"... "Can I eat 200 bags of Doritos for you", "Can I bite off the head of a live bear for you", "Can I roll around naked in a pile of novelty Stephen Colbert $10,000 bills for you". And I imagine all those things are fine and dandy. Our former winner Cherish thought to herself "What would I do if I was Stephen Colbert" and used a blog to spread the advertising word to all that new her to buy Doritos, and that pleased me, and my endorsement agreement with Doritos, and my wallet. It can be viewed on her profile here

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=106320027&blogID=372127183

But today Nation I put it to you. What criteria should I choose to qualify a new "Stephen Colbert’s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert". I leave it in your hands.

Toodles
Stephen

Good evening nation. Tonight I come to you not as the Stephen Colbert the TV Pundit with the wildly successful show called The Colbert Report, or Stephen Colbert the Peabody award winner, or Stephen Colbert, the Golden Globe Award winner, or Stephen Colbert the Devilishly handsome stud that graces you on TV, or Stephen Colbert, the God fearing Catholic from South Carolina that?s on TV, or Stephen Colbert the former Presidential Candidate of South Carolina with the wash board abs as it all says on my profile. But tonight I come to you Nation, as one of you, because tonight Nation, you are one of me. Yes it?s true a winner in the "Stephen Colbert?s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert" contest has been choosen. It happens to be a little lady by the name of Cherish from Glendale CA that happens to be about the age of 24. Proving that anyone of you can be one of me reminicing the age old phrase uttered by the sages of old "I Am America, And So Can You".

But don?t think just because I have a new "Stephen Colbert?s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert" doesn?t mean that fateful space is closed. I will be continuing the contest every week, or perhaps day, or perhaps month that I get around to searching though my friends. Keep those top friend spots flowing with that sweetest of tastes, Me, and maybe you too can be "Stephen Colbert?s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert". And remember you are, one of the hero?s.

Your Pal
Stephen

Yes nation it’s that time again. Time for me to say good by to the current holder of "Stephen Colbert’s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert" spot and find a new "Stephen Colbert’s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert" that is not Stephen Colbert. This venerable tradition has been held by such treasures as Kelly Clarkson from Fort Worth Texas to The Allmighty Himself. But yes I am opening up this spot again for you... the Hero’s to vie for. My current "Stephen Colbert’s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert", Dee, a 21 year old lad from Washington, won’t stay in the "Stephen Colbert’s MySpace Friend other than Stephen Colbert" spot for long. It’s time for a new Hero to step in America. So America let me know who you are by having me Stephen Colbert in your Top Friends list and maybe you’ll win that spot in mine.

Your Pal
Stephen

PS: Oh and Nation... buy a bag of Doritos and support crunchy, cheezy, goodness. Not for me, but for yourselves, and for America... and for me.

Dear Nation,

I know I haven't done one of these Blog thingy's for a while, but since there is a writers strike and there won't be new episodes of The Colbert Report until it's over, I figured what the heck? I understand that you people need updates on the most important thing in your life, me!

Let's see, since my last entry I have almost won an Emmy, (First Manilow, now Tony Bennett! Who's next to steal my Emmy, Wayne Newton?) then bravely triumphed over a life threatening wrist injury, released the best selling book "I Am America (And So Can You)," was again denied a Noble Prize and became best MySpace friends with Jessica Alba's Official Page that was probably set-up by the movie studio of Good Luck Chuck. Apparently she insisted that I was added to her friends list because she thinks I am "One smoking hot slab of man beef that she can't wait to get a taste of." Sorry Jessica, but I am technically married. Now if there is any validity to the quote I just made up for you, please contact me and I'm sure we can work something out. My wife is a very understanding woman.

Hmm… what else have I done recently? Oh that's right, I ran for President of South Carolina. Initially, I figured I would kill my free time during the writers strike by campaigning. I was planning on spreading the blast of Zesty Nacho Cheese Doritos across the state. As I'm sure you already know, my campaign came to an abrupt end when the executive committee of the South Carolina Democratic Party voted 13-3 to not allow me the opportunity to run. Apparently some committee members felt like my candidacy was a joke. Why would I make a joke about something that is already a joke? I mean it is the Democratic Party.

Tootles,
Stephen

I hope you heroes were able to watch the debut of the Half-Hour News Hour on Fox News last night. Unlike every other show on Fox News, this is not fair and balanced. This is a welcome change since I'm tired of hearing both sides of the argument from them. Why would I want to hear the liberal side since it 's just wrong? The Half-Hour News Hour is billed as a Conservative version of The Daily Show and it gave a fair warning that gay penguins should not watch it. The show airs 10:00 pm on Sunday's so if you missed it, shame on you! But here is a link to the opening of the show with Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. Wow, can you image this as the Republican ticket in 2008! Ann has been making the point that Rudy Giuliani is unfit to be President because he wore a dress in a sketch on SNL. Glad to see that she has no problem working on a sketch with someone who was addicted to OxyContin, which possibly was the cause of him going deaf. There is nothing wrong with being deaf, I know because there is nothing wrong with me. As for a man dressing like a woman, there is something seriously wrong with that. You can't be a real man and go prancing around in a dress. That's why The Rock (dressed in drag for SNL sketch) and Michael Clarke Duncan (In drag in the movie "School for Scoundrels") are not real man. However, my opinion is subject to change if a picture of me dressed as a Hooters Girl is suddenly found. Hey, it was Halloween and I was drunk. But as of now, this event actually never happened because there is no photographic evidence.   

 

The next clip from The Half-Hour News Show is about a new Barack Obama magazine called BO. You have to love the audience reactions to these clips. Their laughter and clapping is so together, it's almost like it's canned, although it can't be because it was taped in front of a live studio audience and there is no way Fox would add in laughter after the tapping . Anyways, it's about time someone made fun of the love fest the media has with Barack Obama. I mean Jon Stewart and his lefty-elitist cohorts at The Daily Show, never would make fun of the obsession that the media has over the man because they too are obsessed. They pray to a poster-sized picture of the Senator in his bathing suit five times a day.

 

Nation, please remember that Thursday, February 22, is Stephen Colbert's Day of Prayer. I am expecting something miraculous to happen, so don't let me down!

As many of you already know, on December 20, I am waging an epic battle against The Decemberist. I have been training hard and fully expect to smoke them in their little Guitar Solo Challenge. Now Nation, I need you to do your part and help me psych-out The Decemberist by talking smack to them. They have a blog up entitled "A Call to Arms! A Declaration of Intent! Down With Colbert!" Go to their MySpace page The Decemberist and post comments about how they have no shot against me. I think they have severely underestimated the Colbert Nation Army and would be taken aback up your onslaught of comments. Try not to be too rough on them, we don't want to hurt their feelings so much that they coward out and cancel their appearance. So, try to keep your comments in the same vein as I do when I demoralize the Saginaw Spirit's opponents. That means your smack talking comments should be classy and dignified. You can also show your support for me by going to the Eagle Nest Gift Shop at ColbertNation.com and buying things. Hey, this is a war between The Decemberist and myself and as you all know, in the time of war, you must support the economy! In this case the economy you would be supporting is Stephen Colbert. Remember, every dollar you spend goes in my pocket.

Now that Halloween is over nation I'm sure your wondering how hunky I looked in my costume. And all I can say is progressivly hunkier. First I started out in a full body cat suit which emphasised my massive Colbert Brand Codpiece and it was hot!!! But I thought I could get hotter as some of you might know from the pictures circulating on the internet. So I stepped it up making multile costume attempts trying to find the solution of a costume that lives up to the manly manness of Stephen Colbert. I had just about settle on the same outfit I wear everyday on the Coblert Report(as well as live, breathe, sleep, make love, and shower in) when I realilzed I was for getting one of my personal insirations. A group of Super-Mega-Man hunks that have inspired generations with their costumes. Yes its true the family friendly all American symbols of masculinity The Village People. Nothing says overt manly hetero-sexuality than a Sailor otherwise known as a Seamen, a Police Officer, a Construction worker with tight sweaty white tee-shirt, a loincloth clad Indian, a Leather Clad mustache wearing studded Biker, or the classic John Wayne Brokeback figure of a Cowboy with assless chaps. Yes I was all of them. With the help of my MySpace Legion of Colbert personalities including Estaban who was the Leatherclad Biker I was able to pull it off. All one/six of us even had a little performace of YMCA, In The Navy, and Macho Man at my private Stephen Colberts Sexy Halloween Party for Stephen Colberts Friends, Family, Assosiates and Stephen Colbert and other Stephen Colberts. It was a ball and let me tells you my ball was bouncing. There were tears in the crowd, men and women where throwing they're undergarments left and right, the flashes of cameras wouldn't stop, and a couple of the Village Colberts ended up banging various groupies much like the real Village People must be doing nightly for a many hot women. But now I must top myself next year as Stephen Colbert must always top Stephen Colbert my greatest nemesis. So I ask you nation how could a dreamy man such as myself ever top myself... you have my ear.

As you all know, over the past year, I have nailed countless people on my show. My unbelievable ability to nail people has led many of you to ask me if I have ever been on the receiving end of a nailing. The answer is yes. It happened a little over a year ago when a dapper, young reporter interviewed me for Entertainment Weekly. The reporter's name, you ask? None other than Stephen Colbert. Here is the full transcript of the interview, including the portion that did not appear in EW.

STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): First of all, thank you for sitting for this interview, it is a real honor. I am a huge fan and really admire your work.
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Thank you and I would like to tell you that being in the same room as you makes me a better man. I know I am being interviewed, but can I ask you a question?
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Sure, I can take it as well as I give it out.
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): [Chuckles] I'm sure you can. Stephen, I couldn't help but notice that your hands are very supple, what's your secret?
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Well Stephen, I use moisturizer, Neutrogena to be specific.
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Wow, so does that help with the ladies? Not that you need any help. You are one stunningly beautiful man. I assume you can get any woman you want.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Thanks for the kind words, but I am a married man. You are quite the looker yourself. You must be doing "it" with the ladies quite often. Huh?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Actually, no. I usually don't get to do "it" with a woman. I am married, as well.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Hmmm. I am actually trying to get The Church to change their stance on polygamy. I mean, if priest can molest young boys, why shouldn't successful hunks like us be able to have multiple wives?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Nice! I like your thinking. You mind if I use that on my show.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Not at all. We need to bring this to the forefront. So are you ready for a nailing?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Let's light this candle. First question?
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Okay. Um... You're from South Carolina, but I can't detect an accent. What would you tell other young people who want to erase all traces of their heritage?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Never give up hope, and play tapes of Tom Brokaw while you sleep.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Can you still say, ''All y'all want a moon pie?''
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): I'd need to get drunk first.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Fair enough. So, the show's over, the lights are off, the cameras have bags on them, and you've let your hair de-gel: What's the real Stephen Colbert like?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): I'm...
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): I'm...
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Sorry, did you want to answer that one?
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): No, I'm sorry. Got confused. Heard my name and just jumped in. Go ahead.
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): ...I'm a pretty normal guy, quiet, keep to myself.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Wow, I sound like a serial killer. Speaking of which, how is Jon Stewart handling the betrayal?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Jon's happy for me. In fact he sent me a fish wrapped in newspaper. It was delicious. Let me ask you a question.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Again? Go ahead. My life's an open book.
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): If they made a Lifetime movie about you, what would they call it?
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Mother May I Sleep with Show Business: The Stephen Colbert Story. Who's your journalistic idol?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Stone Phillips' neck. Same question.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): Anderson Cooper's hair. Finally...
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): I'm afraid we have to make this the last question.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): ...I said ''Finally.''
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): You're right. It's just that mentally I'm halfway out the door. Wrap it up.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): How will you know if the show is a success?
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): Well, it's cable, so you can't measure success by ratings or personal income. But when the phone rings and it's Clay Aiken on the other end inviting me to sing ''The Little Drummer Boy'' with him on his Christmas special...then we'll know we've had an impact.
STEPHEN (INTERVIEWER): I've enjoyed...
STEPHEN (SUBJECT): [Exits with Stylist]