Wow it's been like 4 months since my last Blog entry. Who cares anyway, what a middle aged chauffeur is doing. Well I don’t care if you care or not I’m going to blog anyway cause it’s my right and you can keep reading if you want to. It helps me keep my writing skills sharp anyway. But who am I kidding Word does all the work for you. Spell and Grammar check, and if I was doing this on my laptop I could just dictate and the computer would do all the typing with a few mistakes. Anyway Since my last entry. I know that my divorce will be finalized Nov 11, 2009. 22 Years 1 Month and 1 Day after that dreadful day I said “I DO” What a waste of ½ of my life. Well at least I still have the other half left and won’t make the same mistakes I made during the first half. I guess you can say the 1^st half was practice or a trial run. It was defiantly the starter marriage.  Do I plan on getting married again?  I don’t know it’s a good question. You would think after dating someone for 3 years that might be a good amount of time to get to know someone. I guess some people can be together 2 days and know they want to spend the rest of their life with the other person. Some people take over 10 years and still are not sure. It’s different for each couple. Almost everyone in my family except for one of my brothers an uncle and a cousin stayed together their entire lives. My soon to be ex came from a broken home where both parents were married several times. I made a vow Until Death Do Us Part or now days As Long as We Both Shall Live. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make to walk away from this (what my mother calls) Farce of a marriage.  I did love her even though I was cheated on countless times. Yes I made mistakes in the beginning but said I was sorry and asked to be forgiven. The mistakes were never me cheating as I have never cheated on any woman or when I was a kid any girl. I asked her to do something then I didn’t support her like I should have at the time. I paid for that mistake for the next 21 years. Throughout the years she always had other guys around or was out with that were “Just Friends”. I was excluded from most of her life even though I tried to be a part of it. I was constantly pushed away.  I wouldn’t go out drinking or go out with the guys after work I would go home to be with her even though she was hardly there but I wanted to be there for her because I loved her. In the process of my isolation from my old friends, I lost touch with most of them. Thanks to MySpace and Facebook I have been able to get back in touch with many that I had not talked to since the early 90’s or even as far back as high school.  I am being given another chance to live life to its fullest. I feel sorry for any guy that gets sucked in by my ex. Even now long before she has gotten divorced the ex has got her claws into a sugar daddy old enough to be her father. I say good luck and karma has a funny way of paying people back for what they do. Karma is already paying her back from what my kids tell me. She’s going to be in a world of hurt that is for sure. If you think I’m bitter and writing this to spite her then you’re wrong. Just ask the kids they will verify all that I am writing about, I’m not making this shit up.  She is the type of female that goes from guy to guy to guy. She won’t leave one till she has a better one lined up. I learned this during our many separations; she always goes to the best situation in her eyes and latches on. I think I have said enough about that. As for me, I’m in no hurry to go anywhere. After she moves out I will be cleaning up the house and getting it back in order the way it was back when we were separated and I was living there alone. After I get my life in order then I’ll think about another relationship. I was never really single as three months after I graduated high school I started dating my Ex. So it will be different being single with an adult child living with me (Who needs a job or needs to go to school.) I swear he was a pot smoker as he acts like one. But I do know he doesn’t drink or smoke (never did either). I never really dated many women because I got into a serious relationship so young. I missed the entire bar scene. So I guess I’m back to just being out of high school (Wish I was still 18) Speaking of dating I found an ex girlfriend on facebook who I lost touch with after she broke up with me. I was still married when we were going out but was going through legal separation and my true heart was elsewhere I guess. I really did like this girl and if she had not broken up with me and was happy with me things probably would have ended up quite different.  I probably would have gotten my separation and eventually my divorce but she dumped me and I was so heartbroken that I stopped the separation proceedings and tried to work things out with my wife BIG MISTAKE.  Anyway this ex girlfriend is back from the west coast and were communicating on facebook and a lot of text msging and a phone call. I don’t know how I feel; I have always thought a lot about her over the years and even saved a pic of us in my wallet. My wife found it and tore it in half and threw it out. I retrieved it and taped it back together the tape preserved the date I wrote on the back Aug 11, 1992. I keep it in my wallet and look at it from time to time.  There was an age difference as she was 18 and I was 26 at the time. I’m now 43 and she is 35. I did tell her how I felt about her about how I never really got over her after she dumped me but couldn’t get a reading on if she had any feelings for me still. We are quite different from each other (she has 11 Tattoos and I have none) She like Heavy Metal and I like Dance Music but will listen to anything. She’s a party girl and I’m a little mellower.  I guess she has been in a several relationships including a 13 year one since we were last together.  I know I shouldn’t be thinking about her this much but thoughts of her consume most free moment that my mind has since I knew she was back in the area. After all she dumped me and I don’t know the reason she dumped me other than it’s not working out. I don’t know what I did wrong the first time. I treated her like a queen but it was a long time ago and people change. Maybe I wasn’t what she was looking for, maybe she didn’t know what she was looking for, hell she was only 18. Anyway I have a lot of thinking to do to figure out what I want, I know one thing, and I don’t want to get into a messy relationship or bounce from girl to girl. We might be better off just being friends but can guys and girls that were so close once now just be friends without becoming friends with benefits. Now would that be a bad thing, I don’t know. I have never been in that type of a relationship all of my relationships have consisted of going steady with the girl before sleeping with her. Casual sex has never been my game I guess because it means something to me more than just personal release. I once picked up 5 drunken people with my limo from Chicago and transported them back home. They were all passed out lying in the back until we were getting close to the drop-off. One pretty good looking drunk female got up and came up to the partition up front and started talking to me and asked me if I wanted to come inside with her. I knew where it was leading and I told her I had another order to get to after I dropped them off. I could have parked the limo in their driveway went inside and got laid, but that’s not my game.  As I said I have some pondering to do. I have a divorce to get finalized, then I have to heal from this stormy rotten 22 year marriage I just went through and then maybe have some fun and actually live a little (if I can afford to in this crappy economy).