Every now and then, something comes along. Something that changes me in such a profound way that life is never ever the same again. I remember that day. I remember watching those people jumping from those buildings. I remember crying because it was LIVE on T.V and there was NOTHING I could do for them. Untill now...
THIS Movie, titled "Zeitgeist" WILL change your life. If you are happy with your life the way it is, I suggest you leave it alone, otherwise, take this film and put it in your life and the lives of the people you love so that perhaps, one day, it will never, EVER happen again. If you do not have the technology to veiw this online, I will personally burn you a copy for free and accept the consequences.
Mark Edward Tupuhi - Monday December 17 2007

Well, after years of hard work, slacking, mental-ness and being a cunt, I am pulling the plug on this lucy business. There were some great times, and some not so great times and some times when nothing happened for months on end. I guess I achieved what I set out to, but now I have to just be me. Lucy was a good thing to hide behind but I'm all ok with not hiding now. I have so much to say, but I cant find the words. There is only ONE St. Lucy T-shirt in existence, that I know of, but it was enough for me. I have a recording of the first night I played as Lucy, so thats enough, and I have a bunch of great music, so I am happy. Thanks for all your Aroha and belief. Thanks to the people who were there, there when I made my big arse plan, and there when I agonised over the lost art debacle, and there when I pissed on odies cock. I love you all, I just dont like some of you very much any more. Mostly tho, Mr Mark Hutton and Mr Donald Mihinui, my greatest fans and drinking buddies. I take my hat off to you, and beat you around the arse with a yellow plastic baseball bat. The new music will be at www.myspace.com/marktupuhi

xxx Mark Tupuhi

www.myspace.com/marktupuhi

Hello, here are some lyrics to my new songs. The recordings wont end up on here because lucy is dead. But I am starting a few Mark Tupuhi pages, I'll post em on here when I get em up and running. What a fucking ego trip this whole Lucy thing was! Ha ha ha! It almost fucking worked too... Ah Life, its like a flat disk perched on the shoulders of 4 Elephants riding a giant turtle, isnt it?

Dont let the muggles get you down.

Mark

A Song For Mark

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Would it piss you off if I said you were a father figure to me in my twenties?

No-one took the time

You picked the locks and I was liberated

Past my mortal dreams we climbed

We Made our music shine

But No they'll never get it – etc

Would I miss the point if I said that you were underrated?

Alphabetically, you'd be last in line

We slayed the beast in the midi suite

A stienberger bass and a plunger full of coffee grinds

We Made our music shine

But No they'll never get it – etc

Would it make you blush if I said you were an inspiration?

Gratitude is rarely mine

I'd like to blow the wind into your sails

And watch your soul take flight

I've seen a flaming eye, I've seen logic die, I've see you and I collide

I've seen the dawn of a new century with Natalie McKelvey and Tom Sharplins prosthetic leg….

Azkaban

A month of Saturdays, if you really want to think of it that way

The tables always laid, rent's already paid

But I cant seem to change into a dog and get away

The guards of Azkaban are stalking slowly round the compound

Keep it in your head, you'll have no happy thoughts today

I can hardly stand it, it's a life but theres no substance to it

I guess that's the way…

The choices I have made, have lead me to this place

I think it every day, hang me head in shame

But I cant seem to summon a patronus or dissapparate away

The guards of Azkaban are stalking slowly round the compound

Keep it in your head, you'll have no happy thoughts today

I can hardly stand it, it's a life but theres no substance to it

I guess that's the way…

Its like a holiday, some sado-masochistic getaway

Demented and deranged and everyones the same

I can hardly wait to set the whole damn thing aflame.

I Give you my heart (Brats)

Make me a promise that you'll come on the 24th of July and stay with me awhile

We could run away, find a better place

Maybe Kid will take the brats for a couple of days

But if we don't go now, we probably never will

And Christmas time will roll around and find us back on the pills

I give you my heart, till death do us part

I'll make you a promise that I'll come down to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Wellington next year

Lets get out of here

We could run away, find a brighter day

Baby we could take the kids and find somewhere to stay

But if we don't go now, we probably never will

And wintertime will roll around and find us sitting here still

I give you my heart, till death do us part

It only feels like winter underneath the rain

you know the sun is shining some place everyday

When you feel like crying, I'll wash it all away

I can paint your blue skies purple anyday…

I give you my heart.

Complicated

I cannot be the things you want from me and need from me and now this is getting complicated

You want a lover or a father for your little family, I'm not, I'm just a criminal

Don't call the Doctor or the Lawyer 'cause them I wont be around

This is not a game I'm playing

Pack up your fucking shit and move it to the other side of town

you should be afraid of me

I woke up with her in my room again

I've practiced all the things I need to say to her

I hold her close because its mostly fun until the end

My wounds are gaping but I'm sober, straight, the bullets gone

no

Theres a little bit of time in everyones life when its far to early to decide

But weve been through the fire and we know whats on the other side

She's a little bit tired and wet sometimes but at the end of the day she's on my side

There's no question of that now

She waits for me everyday, she cries sometimes in the night when I'm away

Baby some things will change when I get home

I'm afraid, at the end of the day, there'll always be a price I have to pay

She doesn't see it that way and I love her so

Three years have past, we've had some tears we've had some laughs

And we're in love, you have had my baby

Been through some shit, I got the snip but you stood by me in the end

When I was incarcerated

And now the time has come for you my love to answer me again

Will you be my lady?

Institutional shuffle

Fill these forms in if you please

you don't seem to have ay kind of disease

take these pills just before you sleep
I'll see you again in a couple of weeks

Clean shave, new socks, medical detox

your head will feel better 'steada digging into bedrock

Coffee pills cigarettes, second time? No sweat!

Frankly we're surprised you haven't killed yourself yet

Sign this statement, you look wasted

Don't resist or we'll kick your face in

you've been a bad boy, broke the law

It doesn't seem you learned the lesson that we taught you before

Fill these forms in sign them twice

I'm here to give you good advice

If you do the crime you better pay the price

you'll be out before you know it, you can live your life

This is not the first time you've been before the court

I see you haven't paid the reparation from before

Your Lawyer says you're trying hard to build a new life

It doesn't seem to change the fact that you are guilty of this crime

Take those clothes off, spread your cheeks, cough

shower for an hour then get back in your slot

keep your head down, don't trust anyone

Fake it you can make it till your time is done

Fill these forms out, keep it down don't shout

line up with the others till we call your name out

look alive, don't frown, write your client number down

sorry we can help you when the chips are down

One Foot

Statistically speaking, I shouldn't be breathing

My blisters are weeping, theres nothing to show

if this is misleading, my secret's worth keeping

But business is terribly slow

One Foot In The Grave

The listeners are sleeping, theres nothing worth keeping them up

so they started to doze

At risk of deceiving the powers that be

Shout it out so that everyone knows

One Foot In The Grave

The visciousness creeping at 6 in the evening

with headlines of death and sorrow

Your mistress is leaving, there's blood on the ceiling

And Paint stains on all of your clothes

One Foot In The Grave

The fishes are leaping, the price wars are keeping

the working class reaching for loaves

The sisters were grieving while judas was leaving

The scene of the crime for the coast

Father Son and Holy Ghost

One Foot In The Grave

P119

Michaels' Been in prison since the eighties, give or take

He's saving up his time

To spend it on his p119

Tick the box that pays for all his crimes….

Shirleys' got some issues with her dad

It makes her sad

She's taking it out on me

A problem with authority

I hear the jangle of keys

I believe that it's lockdown time

You don't make, or break my day

No-one gives a fuck what you say

I don't think I'll waste my time on you

Terrys' head is full of ugly lies

It makes me smile, he's wasted half his life

If you can read between the lines

I bet it makes you wish that he was dead sometimes

You don't make, or break my day

No-one gives a fuck what you say

I don't think I'll waste my time on you

Tui is a prison rangatira

he thinks he's a leader

hes not really either

Hes nothing but an angry little man

I see a three year old in a place where a man should stand

You don't make, or break my day

No-one gives a fuck what you say

I don't think I'll waste my time on you

Pills on the side, fish on a Friday, p119, church on a Sunday

its all in your mind, serving your time

you have to decide not to listen to what they say

They cant make, or break your day

No-one gives a fuck what they say

Michael don't you waste your time on them

Wings of Steel

On wings of steel she slipped the alley

And searched for some place to land

shes not hard to understand if you listen

Her senses reel, shes so uncertain

I'll speed her straight from this land

Shes not hard for me to find when shes missing

Oh, she talks tough, especially when shes had enough

Oh, but when she wakes up, she sees me with her eyes of love

Turning wheels like a spin cycle

Sometimes its driving her mad

Its kinda hard to find her dreams in the kitchen

At her heels are a thousand serpents

who drink the blood from her hands

Its so hard for her to grant all their wishes

Oh, she talks tough, especially when shes had enough

Oh, but when she wakes up, she sees me with her eyes of love

So she clears her dirty canvas

And looks for something to say…

Get something straight, nothing can break her, I'll never let them try

Slowly she wakes, surely she paints the sun and the stars in my sky

Oh, she talks tough, especially when shes had enough

Oh, but when she wakes up, she sees me with her eyes of love

Sound Advice

Clear your mind of everything for a while

Think of something that makes you smile

Be afraid for a moment, if you have to, then let it slide

Change your mind a thousand times

but live with what you decide

It makes no difference if you win or lose

All you have to do is try

yeah

Never let a second pass you by

Let your spirit fly

Silence all those voices in your head, let your instincts be your guide

Wipe away your past mistakes

Not one of them took your life

Swallow all that crap you learned at school

But trust the things you know inside

It whispers in your ear that you cant run from me forever yeah…

Dream a dream as big as you can

but take one step at a time

Shake off all the losers in your world

Keep the ones you know are right

Theres nothing that you cant accomplish

All you have to do is thrive

You cant afford to waste a precious second of your life

It whispers in your ear that you cant run from me forever yeah…

Grace

Mischief shines inside your eyes

I wont try to keep you on my side

every now and then I see you turn around and look at me

I want to cry

Don't be afraid, I wont go away

Sometimes I wonder what you think about the other guy

Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about you too

Sometimes the others cant compete when you are by my side

And sometimes I push you away

We don't always see eye to eye

Its funny when we fight, you're just like me

I hope that as you live your life, you dot see half the shit that I've seen

Call me that name, we are the same

 Sometimes I wonder what you think about the other guy

Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about you too

Sometimes the others cant compete when you are by my side

And sometimes I push you away

Sing me silly things like corys and kittens in your mind

Theres broken windows in the kitchen, but everythings alright

You can say what you want, you can say what you need…

Sometimes I wonder what you think about the other guy

Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about you too

Sometimes the others cant compete when you are by my side

And sometimes I push you away

One Love, Two Stories

It hurts so much inside today and I don't want to see your face

reflecting all the shame I feel in me

I've gone and let you down again

The things that I do now and then, suggest that I don't love my family

I can wash the finger printing ink

Away and down the bathroom sink

But I cant change the trust you've lost in me

We've got One Love, two stories

We can make this thing grow

We are strong enough to do all we can do, to make it love

Every morning when we wake, I try to act like its ok

But I can see the cracks beneath your skin

There's nothing that you have to say

your eyes give it up anyway

'cause I can see the sadness creeping in

You can wash the salty tears away and say its just a bad mistake

But I can see you're losing faith in me

We've got One Love, two stories

We can make this thing grow

We are strong enough to do all we can do, to make it love

You could wash away the memories

Throw my stuff out on the street

And try to never think of me again

I would pay my child support

You'd hate me a little more

and I would probably never smile again

But you would never get the chance to see

How much you really mean to me

And just how good our lives could be in the end

You and me, this could be, everything you need it to be

Self control, I'm learning slow

I give you my heart, its not much, I know….

We've got One Love, two stories

We can make this thing grow

We are strong enough to do all we can do, to make it love

Rake Of Lumbus

Just another day, walk down to the cash machine

I know Murray Cammick isn't calling me today

Try to find a way, cant get David Geffen on the phone

And Brendan Smythe has got his finger up his arse

Rake Of Lumbus says "You'll never work here in this town again"

Try to make it pay, I've got all my fingers and my toes

Birth control amounts to nothing when your kids are hungry

Try to get away, now I've got that blister on my tongue

Empty cans and broken lightbulbs for today

Rake Of Lumbus says "You'll never work here in this town again"

I tried to fit anyway, I've got gothic, punk and Emo clothes

Fashion victim showing symptoms of old age approaching

Make my getaway, running from the pigs is never good

Are these handcuffs really necessary?

Rake Of Lumbus says "You'll never work here in this town again"

School Holidays and I've spent a bunch of real, quality time with most of my skiddlywinks. Te Aroha is down in Dunners with my grandma, but I think I have done a good job of spreading myself around the other guys. I am pretty happy with that. Inside, today, I feel very confused and frustrated, but all that has nothing to do with the kids or music, so I'll leave it for my next shrink visit I guess. One thing I can tell you is that ALL people are different, we, not a one of us, think the same and we should all accept that, especially I should. Anyway, me and young Matt Yearbook did play at the local on wednesday. It was quite good for what it was. I mean, no-one really came, but the ones who did come were loving and supportive and that was cool. I had Tim, the soundguy turn the volume right up and crank the lighting rig so I couldnt hear or see anyone. So I played as if I had a huge crowd anyway. I explored a couple of new songs, and also re-visited a few oldies, like Denial and This Disease. Man I havent played This Disease in years!!!! I tried a few, but after playing the intro over and over about 10 times, I realised that the lyrics WERENT actually gonna pop into my head, and gave up. I could say that it was because I havent played them for years, but I also forgot a bit of one of the new songs too. Meh. I met a couple of new people, and that was really cool. But more importantly, I felt a part of something that, if not entirely NEW, seems to be fresh. I am glad I have found these people. They are kin. Anyway, I need to go to bed. I think I'll post on here tomorrow, something a little more... significant.

m

Seattle, Maddi and I went camping. Kim just dropped us off in the wild and we did fend for ourselves. It was really, fucken, cool. We went fishing and for bush walks and wrote a song and drew pictures and got firewood and whittled sticks (WHITTLED! Ha ha ha) and made fire and cooked food on it and a guy gave us the finger and we slept in tents and we did all the things you do out in the wild. Except for killing things. Which we probably would have done if we had been half decent fisher people. It was supercoolrad. I am going to do it more often. Things are, tender for me at the moment. I am trying to be good and settled and practical and stuff, but things get hard to deal with and my first instinct is to go ahead and get messed up. I am resisting it, as I know that it will only bring more heartache. I have, as I may have said, recorded a couple of new tracks. They arent really for general consumption, in their current forms, but they are a start towards a new recorded album. I have some new artwork to work on and a bunch of cool things to do with the kids. At the momment, we are in the process of recording a song we wrote on camp. It is about this little fish that other fish keep trying to eat. The main lyric is "Splish Splash, I'm getting the bash", its really funny. Also, it contains the word "Ass" (their idea, not mine) so that makes it hell cute too. I have made this cool kinda drum n bass backing music and will fill it all up with samples and stuff after the vocals are done. The Bay is really dull and I, for one, cant wait to get the hell out of here. We have been talking about Wellington. OR, maybe even Melbourne. But its all academic untill Kim finishes her degree. AND, she might decide to do honours or masters yet... I can wait. We have been a  pretty creative little household lately and I think that that makes us the richest people in the world. I often feel dumb that I am not a workaholic dad, whos only main concern is money. I think that the kind of time that I put in with the children makes me worth a thousand grey, drab, aloof working dads. AND I guess the value of the artistic output of this household remains to be seen huh? I am looking for a pocket knife for seattle. My grandpa gave me one at about his age and I would like to continue the tradition. He was walking around in the bush with my knife, safely in its sheath, on his belt and he just felt and looked so confident and happy. Lydia is having some kinda trouble lately, I dunno. I try so hard with that kid and it seems to get me no-where. I love her to bits tho, and when she is sweet to me, its the best feeling in the world. I love it when my kids are around, because she automatically starts calling me "dad", ha ha ha, it breaks my heart, in nice ways. Well, I better get on back to beddy byes with young vader and see if I can smuggle a cuddle. Good Night, sweet dreams.

M

After an hour and a half of pissing my pants laughing at the new Jackass movie, I sat down again, after two bacon and egg burgers, to watch "Borat". Wow, I have never felt so let down by the hype machine. I didnt laugh once. I really REALLY wanted to, but it didnt happen. I was intigued and certainly dont regret renting it. But I just didnt find it all that funny. I was shocked by the Pamela Anderson scene, but only on the premise that it was done without her consent. I find this hard to believe, but I imagine that googling it will only give me a mix of rumour, speculation and proppaganda from teh film company, so I guess I will never know. Its funny, because it is the kind of comedy that I like the best. I have even attempted to pull it off on stage and in person, with varying degrees of success. Dont get me wrong, I get it. I get the idea, I get that America is stupid and worthy of contempt, but I just dont think it was executed very well. I think the Borat segments from the Ali G show were way funnier and maybe he just ran out of good ideas by the time the lure of more movie money grabbed him by the balls. I guess I had hoped for more, I guess, in the current political climate, I had wanted a funny version of farenhiet 911 or something. Instead I got tits, arse and gay jokes, with a little too much anti semitism. If you havent seen it yet, I would skip it, instead, go for Jackass 2, you WILL laugh till you puke, or vice versa.

M

Well, I'm up in the wee hours again, embracing my night fetish. I really love night time. I always have. I love the silence and the sense that, although the streets are quiet and the lights are all out, there are things going on... Quiet, secret, wonderful things, that I, in my own way, am participating in by being awake and doing quiet wonderful things of my own. The new batch of songs continues to evolve and I am at the point where I am ready to record them in my own amatuer way, so I can have a listen and face my own worst critic and make changes. I guess that phase leads to more recordings, and then more, hopefully ending up in a situation where they can be recorded well. I think I would like to work with Jody and Zed on these ones, but in order for them to take me seriously I need to put in more work and make sure that the songs are all they can be. I am really just glad to have new songs. I am writing all the songs that I tried so hard NOT to write when I was trying to make music that would appeal to current sensibilities. Now, like other times in my career, I am writing purley for myself and my sanity and with a bit of luck it will ring true. I am still working on my Zebra/Barcode themed triptych and am only really online as I'm waiting for paint to dry so I can start on the white bits. I really love working in black and white. I go through alot of black biros. Like, by the box full. Vader is really good and, despite a handful of bad choices and some stress of the legal kind, so am I. I really love spending time with him. And the other kids too, but HE really needs me at the moment and that feels good to be able to be there for him. He is SO beautiful and precious and perfect. When he yawns and stretches his little body out he looks like a tiger and it makes me loose my breath for a moment. He is a very cute boy. I went to a gig last night. I feel, um, underwhelmed. I guess I am used to a different callibre. However there were a couple of real moments and they belonged to a man I am lucky enough to be involved with so I guess that makes me Mr Smartypants, and another guy that I dont know but I am hoping he will email me or something as I would love to hear more. The other bands were really good, I mean there is no one thing I could fault them on, the sound wasnt the best and the crowd was pretty tame but those things cant be helped. I just didnt see anything that really shook me by the balls and said FUCKEN LISTEN TO ME!!! Like I said, I guess I am blessed with having seen and known some really talented people and I am used to seeing people really put their hearts and egos and bodies on the line. There are no second chances on stage. Your last gig doesnt matter, your next gig doesnt matter, there is only that moment and if you waste it by letting your head or your expectations get in the way, then you are a fool. Dont get me wrong, I am often a fool. I had a smoke last night, on top of a few beers and totally made a fuckwit out of myself in front of a guy I REALLY wanted to meet and talk about his music and perhaps begin a friendship/mentorship kinda relationship. For the record Ziggy, if that is your real name; my name is Mark and I love new zealand music, particulary (it seems) the kind you seem to have an ease with that plainly staggers me. Anyway, as for being a fool on stage, I guess I am pretty confident and at ease with what I need to get out of, and put in to, a live performance, after many many years of trial and error. But I did do my fair share of preening and generally putting in a half arsed job of delivering what people, and my songs deserved in my time and am in no way innocent of some of the crimes I witnessed last night. (Picture me with black vynil pants, a tiny black fender t-shirt, bleached hair, a fender strat and a swagger, playing to 5 people in an R&B reggae band.). Its a learning curve and the truth of it is, if we as artists dont have places to learn these lessons, then we wont learn them. I guess thats the difference between where I live and other places I have been. There is not quite as much scope to play your music and learn those things that make a musician into a artist. BUT, that is changing. Sheesh, I'm philosophical tonight. Seattle and I and maybe Maz, if she wants to come, are going camping this weekend, just us, an open fire, a guitar and some fishing rods. I have been yearning to do it with them for ages and, for some reason, today I just thought "Well, why dont you just fucken DO IT" man, every now and then life seems so simple. I'll end this epic piece of written word with a small yet humourous anecdote. A few weeks ago, Lydia and I took vader for a walk in his pram to our favourite playground. It started to rain and we headed home, along the busiest road we live near, during rush hour. Lydia knows not to cross the road by herself, so she raced ahead on her bike and, like a good girl, stopped at the zebra crossing. However, I was still a few hundred meters behind her pushing a pram and so for the 5 minutes it took me to catch up, EVERY FUCKING CAR stopped for her at the crossing as she, obliviously singing to herself, waited for us. It was so funny that one little girl could cause so much traffic chaos and not have a single clue. The looks she was giving the people in the cars was priceless. Anyway, that is all. Happy easter.

Amy Racecar Fan

Ah, I have been pretty productive lately. Am sitting down between vader naps today to design a poster for a show being put on by myself and a talented and likeminded (or lack thereof...) chap called Matt from the band blacksheepboy. We have placed the show under the banner of "The Glory Vine" and I must say I like it. I do hope to establish some sort of conscious songwriter audience here. People here go mad for blues and jazz and I dont think its much of a shift to snag them with good songwriting. After all, a great deal of the population are Boomers and surf culture innovators so they kinda INVENTED my "Genre" huh? Oh boy, I watched "No Direction Home", its a scorcese biopic about Dylan. I intend to watch it again before I take it back. It seems to be a very honest and cooperative Dylan that participates. I guess it would be harder for him to hide from Mr Scorcese. It really blew me away and put Dylan into a better perspective for me. Less of a god like, midas kind of hero I have found in printed material, and MUCH more of a man with a song than the music lets on. Plus I think I have a slightly better insight into his lyrics now. My other favourite film is "The Filth And The Fury", an autobiograhic film by the sex pistols. I think that These two films are my favourites so far. I hate all thos fucking films that dramatise an artists life. Ray, Walk The Line, The Doors, OH GOD, have you ever seen the one they did about hendrix???? DONT!!! Its shit. Those other films are good, dont get me wrong, but they arent real... Am reading stephen kings Bag of Bones. Its ok, just killing time untill I can get my hands on some more Terry Pratchet. I'm up to book 5 and I am loving it! I have finnished one of the new songs I'm working on and I might demo it today if I get a chance. Its hard to record at home for me because I sing really fucken loud and I get kinda conscious, ESPESCIALLY with new songs. But our neighboors are really close too. Dont get me wrong, I wail away all day, but NEW songs are kinda prescious and tender. I like to get them down on tape, so to speak, and get comfy with them before I let anyone else hear them. The other new songs are coming along too. There are a couple of older songs that I am rescuing for the new album, songs that I never really felt got fair treatment. Letter From Detox was recorded incomplete and then in the Lost Art Of Self Destruction sessions, we fucking forgot to play it, so I would like to finally get it down. I think its beautiful and it means alot to me. I never did get to fit the lyric "Whats your boggle mister?" in it. Ha ha ha. Today Vader is very sad, he has teef coming through his gums. That means lots of cuddles and tickles and maybe we will go to Baywave (The Worlds Lamest Wave Pool). My new paintings are coming along really well, they will take a little more time but I am stoked with the concept. Anyway, I better get started on these posters.

Mark

I found myself playing christian worship songs this afternoon on my guitar and singing. It actually felt pretty good. I was a confused teenager (so, not much has really changed!) and I followed my dad, and then my friends into born again christianity. I got baptised and I waved my hands in the air and I played in church bands and I went to bible studies and I went on camps and belonged to youth groups and stuff. To my credit, and to this day an astounding fact, I never fucked one of those bright, positive wonderful girls from the youth groups. Actually, there was one. Damn. Oh well. Anyway, I did all that. I even spoke in tongues. I have been thinking about that for a couple of days. The speaking in tongues bit. I dunno if you have ever experienced it or seen it happen, but its a very strange phenomenon. Apparently there are documented cases of people actually spontaneously speaking in languages that they have never heard before, let alone comprehend. To me tho, it seemed like a mass hysteria thing, in that everyone else was doing it, so why dont I? I'm not sure but I sense that, for me, it was like hypnotism, a kind of mental, physical and perhaps spiritual frenzy that sort of carried me along. Its not that I wanted to follow the crowd so much as I wanted to touch something devine. Anyway, back to the music... I am painting at a church at the moment and I know the people there from various places, and they also come from the arsehole of the world (Invercargill). The husband plays piano in their church services and they also have a drummer, organist, bass player and some brass. I'm thinking about playing with them. I dont think I want to buy any of the religion, but I do enjoy the passion invested in spiritual music and its ALWAYS good to play with people who believe in the music they are playing. Anyway, I'm going to give it a crack. Its late. I have decided to stay awake untill I crash. I am sick of that feeling of lying still while my body fails to find any rest. I am painting and sketching and listening to music (quietly). I had a little smoke earlier with a guy I used to work with and I feel kinda like I want to invest some time in a creative endeavour. Mostly, lately, I thrash around, get up and down, watch a movie, masturbate, smoke ciggies and try to read books. I guess I just wanted to exploit the situation. I intend to sleep very fucking well tomorrow night.  Life is so confusing. MY life is so confusing. I dont know whether I'm coming or going most of the time. I know I'm not alone, but, dammit, its happening to ME!!! Ha ha ha, self centered fucking artist!

I Love My Kids.

Mark