Instructions for life? A dire warning? Consequences?

Some triplets went,

to the pet store, and shopped.

Clarity?

Some of you may not have realized it yet, but there is now a book section on the MySpace homepage that "supposedly" ranks the TOP books on MySpace. Last week I found out it is really ranked by the number of people who have listed the book at the bottom of their blogs, or basically people who have linked their blog to a particular title on Amazon.

Did you list any books in your blog?

(marketing genius spoiler alert!)

So I decided to see how accurate this list is and I created a couple of new blogs that had my book at the bottom. An enterprising author might even create a whole series of MySpace profiles just to list their book more than 7 times to take over the top spot. It seems like an easy way to get noticed by a major publisher right? "Why I Committed Suicide" has been added into at least 2 other people's blogs so by default my book should at least be beating out "Puppies for Dummies" or any of the other books that have only "2" mentions. But no luck, even with the added push my book didn't crack the list. So either: (a) the list is made-up Amazon bullshit or (b) the rankings are only tabulated every so often or (c) "Puppies for Dummies" really fucking rocks!!!!

-------------------------------------

But you know I can't feel too bad, I mean there were some "other" books that only had two mentions each and so I can loosely interpret that to mean I'm in good company. 

------------------------------------

(*Shameless PLUG*)

So ya know what? Next time you add a book to your blog, make sure it's "Why I Committed Suicide" so you can keep the Amazon rankings honest. In fact I'm going to post this in all the book groups so that everyone knows the dirty little publishing secret and maybe someone can work the system to cash in.

And did anyone else know First Lady Laura Bush is/was a heavy smoker?? It's amazing the things you can find out these days.

Why I Committed Suicide
Written by Sam Paul

List Price: $21.95
Order Now! at Amazon.com

Book Description A stimulating read, a real page turner. Perfect for those nights when your girlfriend just left you for a sushi chef and stomped a hole in your heart with a spiked high heel shoe.

THE STORY OF THE FIRST BOOK ON MYSPACE

Once upon a time (a few years ago) there was this little networking site called MySpace that kinda sucked and crashed all of the time and seemed like it was run out of some guys garage and the guy who ran it was kind of a dick. It wasnt anything new. It was not even much fun. But believe it or not MySpace used to be smaller and more intimate than Friendster, more innocent than Tribe.net, and wayyyyyy easier for everyone to use than sites like Blogspot or Facebook or whatever you USED to use when you wanted to rant and rave at the world or promote your band before you finally gave in and made your own MySpace page. Cmon youre reading this for a reason. 

Oh shit, now Im the old guy at the club!

Back in 2004, when Why I Committed Suicide first came out, I was posting my book anywhere I thought people might just stop and take a look. I was begging for readers. I was begging for reviews, I was begging bookstores to let me ship them free copies to stock on the shelf. Back then I was always frustrated because I had spent night and day and years pouring my heart and soul into a piece of presentable literature (WICS) and then when it got published I couldnt even GIVE away free copies to people to read. Then someone pointed me in this direction and I thought why not? And thats the amazingly boring story of how I got to be THE FIRST BOOK ON MYSPACE.

Like most innovations, me being the FIRST is just the pure dumb luck of being in the right place at the right time. Lemme tell ya, the sheer thrill of catching the crest of a cultural phenomenon before it happens is amazing. It makes you feel smart. Some days I feel like I bought stock in Microsoft back in the 1970s. Or built the first airplane. Bad analogies but something along those lines anyway. The age-old alchemic magical formula does work: Right Time + Reaching the Right Demographic + A lot of fucking Hard Work = Success.

See, in the old days you couldnt pick your top 8 friends. You couldnt even change fonts on your page. The person who was on MySpace the longest was listed in everyones top 8. Because of that, I was listed in a lot of peoples top 8. Friends found me listed on their friends top 8 and found out about my book and on and on. Because I found MySpace, Ive achieved more book-related goals than I ever knew I had. I created a published book that sells because people like it. I got e-mail from Anne Rice saying I am a real author, and an attaboy from Noam Chomsky. Even the drummer from Janess Addiction wrote to say hey. People who are MY heroes are writing to ME saying how much they respect what Im doing.

My book is just my story. It talks openly and bluntly about being in love and having sex and doing drugs and going to jail and living life, which also means Why I Committed Suicide isnt likely to win any awards or be adapted into a sub-plot on Gilmore Grrls. (I know you got the copy I sent Ms. Bledel!) My original goal was to reach out to 2,000 people but I just flew past the 8000+ friend mark and now I see theres been over 20,000 hits on www.whyicommittedsuicide.com and I can feel the fruits of my labor. My phone rings about the book every few days and positive interest in the sequel that Im working on feels really great. Now people write to me instead of the other way around and its amazing to know how youve touched people so deeply. People know my joy and pain and want to share theirs. Reading their letters inspires me to keep writing when I get in that deep, dark funk.

For every 1000 friends I make, I like writing a reflection blog about what its taken to get here. If I can reach a thousand people, that means Ive talked or commented or listened to at least 800 folks from around the world. I love seeing MySpace on the news, involved in another new controversy. I love seeing the new films section and I still enjoy listening to new (and old) bands. But more than anything I love the sudden rash of new and old authors posting their books on MySpace. Authors from sites all over are making themselves open to their potential fans and exposing themselves to the world. I especially love that EVERY publishing house that rejected my novel is now using MY marketing strategy as their big new way to reach the teen audience. The sincerest form of flattery is imitation. Still a nice fat check that says, Write for a living, would be damn fine.

I am the first book to ever be on MySpace. Suddenly I am validated, trendy and cool... oh shit!

Hi there, if you are a writer, youve probably figured by out by now that I dont read a whole lotta poetry or critique short stories or edit rough drafts. I do glance through a few certain blogs, and I like to read through an interesting article or posting here or there. There are exceptions but all in all I am really sorry.

TRUTH be told, Im pretty absorbed and selfish lately because Im mainly focusing on writing the sequel to my own book. Im trying to get my shit together, ya know? Were all just hanging onto this spinning planet with fingernails scratching at the dirt so cut me a break. I have piles of books to read and research to do and my own headaches.

I guess that kind of makes me seem like an asshole. When I met Frank Miller, David Sedaris, Chuck Palahniuk and Anne Rice, THEY seemed like they were kind of assholes too. Now I can understand why, everyone thinks they know YOU from your words. They WANT to know you from your words. People want a piece of you, of THAT mojo youve got, on demand. Dance monkey dance.

However there are some great supportive writer SITES for people who need a community or just a place to retreat to when you are depressed and think the whole world can see through your bullshit. Ha, there are times when we ALL think of our own stuff as crap at some time or another. Remember, only the sane question their sanity. Its the same thing and (I think) its how you make it your writing good and a part of you instead of just drivel you crank out on your computer. Unless drivel is your thing and there are plenty of places that will pay you for that

Anyway, in lieu of my presence, take a look at some of these sites for help. There are some amazing people doing some amazing work and YOU are a part of the beginning of the NEW publishing revolution. The old business model is dying in front of us and our society is evolving as more reputable authors self-publish, retain the rights to their work and just learn to use the internet to reach very specific audiences. Its an amazing time to be a book lover!!

THESE PEOPLE WANT TO HELP YOU because they can, not many people will do that.

www.spoiledink.com - They finally got the kinks worked out and growing.

www.fictionfactor.com - helps avoid scams, good advice.

www.authormania.com - all about the writing craft baby!

WRITERS BLOCK!? John Lennon used to take a bath when he had writers block. You can also try this place:

www.writersdock.co.uk or

www.writingfix.com - instant plot creator. Be a Young Adult series writing god(dess).

www.book-in-a-week.com - sit your ass down and write your damn book, this site will see if ya got the skillz to hack it.

www.fark.com - if you cant find an idea here, get a day job.

NEW? To all of this!? These might help ya out:

www.oncewritten.com - freebies for new writers. Promote!

www.selfpublishing.com - looks like an ad but has good advice.

www.go-publish-yourself.com - Open your eyes and see what you are getting into first.

Need to find that QUOTE?

www.imdb.com - better for trivia but they can point ya in the right direction

www.quotationspage.com - easy as pie.

GROUPIES You still think a big name writer might help ya out? (Ha, ha):

www.chuckpalahniuk.net - Chuck Palahniuk, get lost in his world for a while.

www.humorwriters.org - See what Erma Bombeck has to say. Good stuff.

RELIGIOUS Authors:

www.jbooks.com - Jews, good people, learn the industry history.

www.writers.oneummah.net - Muslims gather round.

www.faithwriters.com - Christians, I hear that a few of you like to write books too.

ROMANCE - drrty birds, torn skirt, heaving bosoms, I didnt include erotica:

www.romancejunkies.com - Im in the mood to write romance.

www.romancedivas.com - award winning site

www.charlottedillon.com/writingromance.html - she knows the biz.

Im sure I missed somebody, just yell at me and Ill toss ya into the mix.

"Oh, look at those clothes, Now look at that face it's so old"

It's taken a good six months or so but I've finally reached 7000 "friends". As Arlo Guthrie might say, "I'm not proud", in fact I think it's quite insane. Book sales are up and everyone has been very generous with their time and comments. People are reading my book and giving their copy to friends. I really appreciate that. I still get some guff anytime I think I've found someone intelligent and try and to add them as a friend. People still bristle when they see 7-0-0-0. Who wants to feel lost in a crowd or like they are just a number? Nobody really. What's funny to me is that as soon as I post this I'll probably get dropped by a hundred or so "friends" that forgot they added me in the first place. So you might be my 6,999^th friend. Again.

I am blessed and cursed with the dubious honor of being the FIRST book on MySpace. That doesn't mean it's the best book out there, it doesn't really mean anything. Just that I've been on here a long a$$ time (like 15 cat years) and I've talked to a LOT of people. Some people are good, some are bad. Some are lost, happy, depressed, sad, aloof, angry, moral, self-conscious, religious, political. Some of you are porn stars (or getting there) males, females, trannies, jailbait - young and old, preachers, cartoonists, cancer fighters ,  kidney surgeons and even historical figures. It's really amazing and oddly frightening to be a part of the pulse in America. In the next few months I imagine there will be a lot more news stories about MySpace and if I'm lucky I'll get mislabeled as a suicide cult leader and vilified in the national media. Ha!

In six months MySpace has sprung from an underground list to a major media event. A fad and fire that is burning stronger everyday. One article called it "the MTV of the internet." Sure. A slew of new authors have popped up too. There is an author "community", which is almost an oxymoron since sitting and writing is an intimate and lonely process for me. From my experience, people that write books e-mail the least and people who write poetry seem to e-mail the most. So maybe I'm somewhere in the middle. Booketry?

Everything in my life has changed in the last six months or so since I hit 6000 people. The biggest thing has gotta be that I finally escaped the Texas black hole. Their motto is "Come on vacation and leave on probation." Thank God there's no more leukemia water. No more "most polluted city in the US." No more gerrymandered political corruption. No more gun-waving, hurricane fleeing insanity. No more summers spent indoors. No more misdemeanors that 'become' felonies.

I traded my whitey-tighties for boxers.

I traded la familia, familiarity and fragile security for a chance at starting fresh and living in peace, in a land of waterfalls and parks and so much greenery and clean air that you would never believe it. I'm in California's Canada (thanks Mr. Colbert) and loving it. The place where your Christmas tree came from this year. A place where people recycle without a lawsuit and lottery money actually does go towards education and building community parks. A land of Lewis and Clark. A land where God pokes up his head and sees his own shadow every February. 

In six months I've met some wonderful and amazing people. I sold and packed up a house and moved over 2000 miles with a hurricane at my back. I got my kicks on Route 666. I've confronted insanity and the law. Been subpoenaed and spanked (not really). I even lost almost 20 lbs. by not eating fast food and cooking organic. I've sat naked in hot springs in the middle of the forest and watched the sunset.  

I've also watched a lot of Sesame Street. Changed a lot of diapers. Watched a new person grow into themselves and explore this world. Can you remember what it was like when you discovered your fingers? The first time you touched a dog? The first time you saw your reflection and realized that was you? Your first sentence? It's a beautiful thing. Unbelievably hard and indescribably beautiful to watch. I love the toys and coloring and the late nights and just being a dad.

It's a crazy wild and evolving world. Mi Vida Loca. And just when I think I've got it figured out and under control it gets crazy and topsy-turvy  again. That's why I am genuinely excited for ALL of you babies having babies, getting married, writing books, going to college and it's also why I am not so disheartened when old "friends" turn around and do spiteful things. I know that life happens and we each have to take care of our immediate microcosm without much thought for the big picture. Still, you would think people might judge you on the proven content of your character and not what they learn about you in a book that tells a story from over ten years ago. Three words "statute of limitations." Sigh. People believe what they need to believe as a defense mechanism. The drama unfolds.

So, I see another six more months of writing and then trying to get my next book into the hands of editors not afraid to read an independent novel. Six more months of harassing the chicks at Jane magazine (need their e-mails?) and watching them slowly go Cosmo. Six more months of zines and blogs and Craig's List. Six more moths and maybe I'll talk to another 1000 people. Six more months of one day at a time. I guess I've run out of things to say, time to take a bath.

 --sam paul - March 2006 

It's really laughable,

Ah hahahaha etc. 

-- We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful - Moz

Holy Shit! I Have 6000 “friends”

Well it finally happened, I’ve hit the wall. The big six-triple-o-rgasm. 6000 friends. Wow. I’m flattered. I’d like to thank my dog for always being there and my cat for throwing up on the carpet this morning to make it all possible.

I gotta say that getting to 5000 was a whole helluva lot easier than getting to six. Why? I think maybe because to reach 5000 I would just add anyone that sent me a request. All the wanna be porn-stars. All the underage chicks so eager to flash their newly-grown-almost-developed parts. All the emo-skater-goth-hybrid-death metal kids. I added all the bands with more pictures and more dreams than songs and musical ability. Even the misguided kids that can’t even vote yet who are staunch supporters of the republi-fucking-can party got added in my list. I really hope they draft your easily-influenced ass and ship you off to Korea after we provoke that war.

All poets, aspiring writers and huddled masses yearning to be free are always welcome. **But POETS, please remember that we can’t read the same words that you HEAR in your head and so 75% of the passion behind your poetry is lost on ALL of us.** That doesn’t mean you suck, and it doesn’t mean you should stop writing. It just means that you might want to consider putting some of your words to some music that conveys the emotion of what you are trying to express. Or not. Just a thought. Teen poetry is cliché for a reason, it’s good that you are writing but if you post it it’s no longer just for YOU and there are plenty of arse-holes on here who will make it their life to trash your every word. Develop a thick skin and use your freaking spell check or buy a dictionary.

I added ’em all because I understand the power of networking. I understand the power of whoring yourself out to any and all comers (pardon my pun). What I mean is that I understand why all the underage jailbait from such and such small town USA wants a million friends. THEY come from a place where the most dangerous thing they’ve ever come across is another car at a four way stop sign in the middle of a cornfield and so they think it-should-be-perfectly-okay to broadcast a flash of hot young flesh to every predator and sex-starved MANIAC across the entire fucking planet. I understand being naïve and innocent and wanting to see how many people you can add as your friend on a site where all of your other friends from school hang out. And I think it’s cute to watch people (guys and gals) discover that having a “hot” name like I LIKE TO FUCK OLD MEN miraculously gets them thousands of “friends.” I added these people at one time because I know that somebody ELSE who stark-raving-mad-horny is adding hot tits and ass to their profile and they might be a normal person the other 99% of their day and they just might even want to read a good book some day after wanking it to YOUR picture. Spank, spank, spank.

But once I reached 5000, that all changed. Gone was my desire to reach the masses by any means necessary. I realized my book and my writing can now stand on its own and speak for itself. My only MySpace need now is to communicate with other intelligent life forces. My main desire is to reach people who READ books and value knowledge and maybe even get out of the house and look around every once in a while to have a REAL life experience. I add people after reading their blogs or chatting back and forth with them a few times. Ironically, the people that I want to reach the most will have little to do with me at first because they look at my profile and they see 6000 motherfucking friends and that’s a turn off. They think that means I won’t respond to them if they write me or leave me a nice comment. It probably seems like I have a life. A life being a whore! Ha ha!  I’ve been called worse. By your mom. D’oh!

So I’m excited about getting to 6,000. I’m sure a few people will drop me after reading this. Just to stick it to me I guess. I do notice that the number of people active on MySpace tends to fluctuate around a lot. Up and down and around the full moon people get kind of crazy with what they are willing to do and say. There’s a great Clive Barker book, I think it’s called Weaveworld (but I get them confused) where a guy works in the Dead Letter office of the Post Office and he starts to see a pattern of people and life in the number of letters the office receives and it elevates him to power and understanding and yadda yadda. I should try and track that down and refresh my memory, I’m sure it’s been 15 years since I read it by now. The point being, I have started to see odd patterns of people emerge here and there on this site and across the internet in general.

It’s amazing how quickly trends and new innovations are picked up by people simultaneously all over the world now. I’ve always believed that music is in the air. If you pluck it out and make a song then it’s labeled as yours. If you hum the tune and forget about it, the song or melody or words float back out into the universe and someone who is in tune (ha!) will pick it up eventually. Meaning: if Roy Orbison hadn’t written Pretty Woman or Green Day hadn’t written American Idiot or whatever then some other person or band would have found it. When the Wright brothers built the first airplane and “discovered” the shape of a wing that would allow their bicycle to fly there were several people already working on the same thing and figuring out the same design completely independent of each other. A matter of months and it would have been some guy in France that invented the airplane and we would still be able to smoke and bring our dogs month plane with us. When the time is right the idea will appear, it’s just up to you to develop it. Or forget it, tune it out and go back to watching television and wait for someone else to figure it out. Then spend your bitter life saying “it could have been me!” “I could’ve been a contender, instead of a bum.” When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

Billy Corgan is on MySpace and he’s been posting some decent blogs. And it really is THE Billy Corgan. Sort of. I know because he asked his official MySpace people (the ones who REALLY read your stuff and manage his profile) to tell me to please stop commenting about his blogs on his profile. What the fuck? It wasn’t that I was saying anything negative, in fact I was generously positive to his words because they reminded me of my own book. A book I tried to send him a year or so back. In my novel wrote a little bit about seeing some Smashing Pumpkins shows and I really wanted to know what he thought about my book b/c I foolishly thought he might have time to take a look while out on tour or something. But instead I got a letter saying “this is not Billy, but he told me to ask you to please stop saying things about his blogs on his profile”. Alrighty then. Just a note for any of you who still write and ask me for Anne Rice’s e-mail or Chuck Palahniuk’s private e-mail. They don’t like to read your stuff because they are busy doing their own thing. They will not be your savior, they won’t be your winning lottery ticket to fame and fortune. They are just ordinary people who sat down and decided to put themselves on display and wrote a book about whatever was kicking around in their head. If you wanna join their club you have to do the same thing. There’s only one Paris Hilton and she was born into her shallow life, you would probably know by now if you were on the same track. If not, work really fucking hard and figure out what you want with YOUR life instead of getting horny or pissed off watching someone else live theirs.

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of movies that I missed out on when they were released. Not recent movies, mostly movies from the late 90’s when I was out of the cultural loop. If you’ve read my book you can probably guess why I missed out on so much. Jail or rehab or wild drug parties and crazy sex. Let’s just say I was otherwise occupied. But anyway, I recently watched Chasing Amy and loved it. I know, I know. Everyone told me it was greatness and I listened but there is a right time and place for everything. I highly recommend it if you missed out on it. It’s just nice to see people being so frank and honest about all the aspects of the varieties of sexuality. Refreshing really.

I decided to go with full honesty in my memoir b/c it felt right. Have you ever seen a reality show that wasn’t really a reality show but people pretending to be in a reality show? You know how it just feel fake? I didn’t want it to be like that so I wrote it like it really was. As close as I could without spending my whole life re-creating my life. I’m working on the sequel to Why I Committed Suicide now and it’s been a lot of fun. The first book took a lot out of me, if I knew how much work it would be I probably wouldn’t have started it. Now I understand what I’m doing a little better. Enough to give advice to a lot of other aspiring writers trying to make their bones. Plus I remember the stuff from when I got sober a lot more clearly than the stuff I wrote about remembering while I was wasted. For all those who are interested - I worked my AA/NA program hardcore for 5 years and since then I’ve tapered into an ordinary life where I haven’t replaced one addiction to an addiction to meetings every dang day. It’s little more sane in my head these days. Writing is good, cheap therapy.

I’m STILL excited to hear from all of you, not many people take the time to read this far down on a long ass blog so I applaud you if you did. I applaud you if you read and enjoy books. I applaud you for taking the time to make up your own mind about political decisions, or even what kind of bread you prefer to make toast with. Just THINK.

I DO still read and appreciate your comments, even if I’m not actively pursuing friends I still like to talk back and forth with people who get it. If it means that my writing touches you in some small way then it means a lot to me to know about it. It’s inspiring. I’m not retiring, just spending more time doing actual writing so there more stuff for people to enjoy, or hate. And if I do add you out of the blue it’s because I really enjoy your profile or your words or something that I think we have in common.   

Thank guys, stay cool! If I make it to 7,000 I’ll have to think of some more profound words to post. For now, I’m out!

Hey everyone, I did a radio interview this past weekend for a show called

“A Story To Tell” on the Global Talk Radio network.

Here’s the link http://www.globaltalkradio.com/shows/astorytotell/

It already aired on Monday (5/30) but it's archived on their site so you can check it out anytime. It didn't totally suck but I should have used a better phone b/c I sort of sound like a nasally twat and I swear I don't really sound like that but ... ah well it's good practice. 

Here are the questions and my responses as I remember them but I think my writing is far more articulate than my speaking….

Talking points:

1. What inspired you to write the novel Why I Committed Suicide?

I realized a few years ago that there was this huge chapter in my life I never openly discuss with anyone. Only a few people knew about it at all. On the surface I seem like a run of the mill guy with a family and a normal job but less than 10 years ago I was a junky living hand to mouth getting tossed in and out of jail. Things would come up in casual conversation here and there that made me realize most people have no clue what it’s like to descend into that kind of despair.

2. Like what would come up?

Well, it’s really easy to make a generalization and say something like “we should lock all drug abusers away forever” or “addicts should just know better and stop using” but it’s not like that. Nobody starts using hard drugs right away and nobody thinks that their causal habit might be permanent and control their whole life one day. Everyone thinks they are smarter or better or have a plan to keep them from getting hooked I wanted my book to show how it was a series of innocent decisions and experiences that added up into me being tossed in jail. But at the same time it’s hard to present that information without being preachy or full of contempt. So I thought it might work to write about myself and talk about what I was going through when some critical decisions came up.

3. What’s with the title, you obviously didn’t commit suicide, did you attempt it?

Actually yes, at the lowest point in my life, my rock bottom, I made a really rash decision to try and hang myself in a jail cell. It is only through the grace of God that I am here to tell about it. It didn’t work but it almost did…

4. What happened?

Well I went as far as putting the belt around my neck and attaching it to the bunk where I could hang myself. I was saying a final quick prayer of forgiveness for what I was about to do when I heard a commotion in the dayroom. I went to check it out and saw the guards carrying out a guy’s body from the cell next to mine. The guy had just hung himself while I was working up the nerve. The revelation of what happened it me hard and really through me for a loop. I’m still not sure I completely understand it but the book explains it more detail.

5. So how was it in Jail?

Jail is a terrible, terrible thing. I mean I know it’ supposed to be a bad place or everyone would want to go, but the depravity goes way beyond that. Jail doesn’t teach you to be a better person, it teaches you to be worse than the guys in there with you in order to protect yourself. The corruption of the system on even the smallest level is so out of control that I doubt there is a way to make it work. I saw more quantities of drugs and money changing hands in jail than I ever saw out on the street. The first time I ever saw crack was while I was in jail. People like to talk about prisoners having it so easy and watching television all day and it’s nothing like that. It’s weird but I owe a lot to former governor Ann Richards. Because she became Governor as a recovering alcoholic she made sure to get rehabilitation centers set up to try and teach people a better way to live and respect themselves and the community instead of just building more jails. She made a lot of political enemies doing that but she understood that it was the right thing to do, jails are big business and have stockholders now that need a return on their investment. It costs more to put a person through a rehabilitation center but it’s so worth it to society, to yourself in the long run. Even if someone leaves and gets arrested again they at least have the knowledge and tools to make their lives different down the road. You can’t put a price on that. It’s sad to know that her successor (our current President) reversed the whole process and cut funding to those programs. Imagine how many people we could save from being raped or killed if we took the time to teach someone who is slipping into the system. Spending the time and money now might keep your daughter safer 10 years from now, it’s a shame to look at things so short term but that seems to be the trend.

6. You mentioned that you use a lot of drugs in this book, what age group is it appropriate for?

The book was written in the first person in what almost feels like a diary format in order to specifically appeal to a younger audience, maybe ages 16-25. Maybe even younger. Whether people like it or not, young people today are exposed to things more quickly in our society and drugs, sex and suicide are things that every teenager thinks about. Instead of making it a political platform I think it’s best to just be honest about these topics, there is already enough mis-information out there. Sure, drugs are bad but does anyone talk about why they are bad? Kids are smart, they want to know the seedy details or they will experiment and look for themselves. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through.

7. How has the public reaction been to your novel?

Honestly it’s been mixture of extremes. I get some e-mails from people that tell me how it’s changed their life, that they had no idea things like this were going on just underneath the surface of our culture. Some kids who are currently using like to e-mail me while they are reading the first half of the book, I think maybe they think I’m some sort of drug using Hunter S. Thompson kind of character that will give them a thumbs up if they tell me about all the pot they are smoking and that kind of thing, but then when they finish the book and read about the bad times I usually don’t hear from them anymore. I’ve had a weird reaction from some parents, almost a violent lashing out from parents who thin my book is evil and inappropriate for kids and that I’m a bad person but it’s usually a reaction to their kid bringing home the book and they are outraged to see the world ‘Suicide’ on the cover. These are the kids who want their questions answered the most honestly and the people who should be giving them the answers would rather be outraged at me. Some people write to tell me I need to find God, which I think is ironic because parts of the book actually talk about how I found my way back to God. And then there are the regular people who sit down and read the book and completely understand the message and they absolutely love it.

8. Is everything in this book true?

Yes, it’s a memoir – non-fiction. The events are as I remember them happening but some timelines were rearranged to fit the story.

9. Where can we get this book?

The easiest way is to order it off of Amazon. There are several links to places to buy it online which you can find through my website: www.whyicommittedsuicide.com. Barnes and Noble has also been great about keeping it in stock or ordering it for people who ask them for it at the counter.

10. Are you writing another book right now?

Actually yes, I’m slowly writing the sequel to this book. It doesn’t have a title yet but it’s about my final days in jail and then my transition to rehab and back out into the regular world. It’s about trying to re-establish relationships and the struggle to overcome the label of criminal to try and live a normal honest life. I know that sounds sort of bland but it has more fire and passion than Why I Committed Suicide and I think it ends up being more upbeat and well put together. For people that like this book they are going to love the next one even more. I learned a lot writing this first book so I expect the next one to go a lot more smoothly.