I hate to break it to you all, but...........facebook is the new myspace.

yes, it's true. facebook is where it's at. (I also just ended my sentence with a preposition.) but the action has all moved on to facebook.

I suggest you do the same.

Well! I am back in the United States. Though not Utah till next month. I do have my cell phone back, and sadly a lot of my friend's numbers have been erased. If you could so kindly send me your phone numbers so I can re-add them, that'd be super. Or just give me a call to chat, i would love that as well!!

like a constantly recurring dream, which drifts away
when sleep is over
or a shadow, gone by midday-blotted by the sun
even the thrill of autumn forgotten in winters chill
you once were
or were you ever there?
I thought I knew you, knew you well
your heart, your soul
barely a glance, a twitch of the mouth
the smallest gesture revealed the inner meaning
shared tears at midnight, laughter at dawn
hopes and dreams mingled, took flight and soared
harsh words sometimes spoken-to be exchanged for grace

yet now it's gone. distant as the desert
hidden by the cobwebs
this marvelous creation, this friendship so strong
only a glimpse is seen now
just a passing thought
a mirror of reality

I thought I knew you, knew you well
your heart, your soul
you once were,
or were you ever there?

sm²

 

the older I get, the more I don't know. even things in my faith I thought I knew the answer to years ago come up as questions these days. having enough sleep and enough time to reflect on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness can actually be uncomfortable. such as, how do you be in the world and not of it? or, why do I hate church so much sometimes? or, why do I want a boyfriend so badly at times? or, what is it about those really outgoing, controlling personalities that really bug me- why does it bother me? or, is my goal to be obedient and please God or is it some sort of other noble goal that deals more with recognition and results? and can I be content with just pleasing God? or, why is the hardest communication for me the kind I should do the most, or should come easiest? or, am I willing to risk being vulnerable by loving people fully, or is it limited to when I am assured of no pain? or, why do I often feel guilty doing things in life if they aren't labeled by the church as something "christian". and, does this mean I care too much of the opinions of man?

 

questions like these arise while I am here in Brasil- yet they pertain to my life past, my life present, and my life future. Yes, i should be here. Yes, God brought me here. but I am learning some of the hardest lessons ever and they are ones I never expected to learn on the mission field. that's where the whole "less I know" comes into play. I thought I knew what was hard for missionaries. well, that's been blown apart.

 

Yet it makes me feel more alive to be full of questions. Rob Bell in his book "Velvet Elvis" says questions aren't to be feared, but when people don't have questions anymore. oh so true for me, that statement  is. my questions humble me and lead to where I need to go most- God and his word. God and the truth he reveals around us. God and my soul, and what He wants in my life.

 

Jennifer is still in the hospital, and Shana, Lidia, and Sandra are all rotating to be with her 24/7.only 3 people are authorized to stay with her, leaving me out. So I work at home, or babysit for the Smoaks when they need it. These are times of waiting, or prayer, and obedience. These are hard times!!!!

 

on a lighter note: upon seeing my skin cancer scar, a small boy from PACA says, "that wound of yours looks disgusting!!" " It's just a scar," says I. "eww, don't touch it or I will throw up!" he says, making gagging noises. haha. the honesty of children.

or, Maggie- "what are we eating for dinner?" me- " rice, beans, and chicken." Maggie- "you mean beans and rice."

oh, right, Maggie. sorry about that. 

 

or Isaac Smoak, when going to bed: "Goodnight, Sarah."

 

yeah......my name is sorta Susanna. 

 

well. I am here, you all are there. we still have just jennifer, though on thursday that may change. Jennifer is currently in the hospital because her blood sugar went way up and won't go down......and Brasilians stay in the hospital for days here. she's been there since friday afternoon, and it may be a few more days. please pray for that.

 

I'm learning more and more every day to wait. just wait. so much about being here has been waiting, and though that is discouraging at times and frustrating as well, God keeps using it to teach me. But do pray for Shana, Lidia, and I that we can persevere and trust God. Obedience is quite a bit more important than anything else, and we are learning that daily. The heat

this has to be short, I have to go again. pictures are still on shutterfly if you want to see any- I put a few new ones up.  Susanna's Pics

The rain is not as intense. We've had some sun. I am wearing sunscreen, no worries. (Especially on my cancer. Or lack of.)

It has been almost 3 weeks and I feel settled. Still working on the Portuguese; listening more than speaking. Julia and Shana are great fun to live with and I feel very comfortable with them. Julia was a ballerina like myself, and Shana's spirit is just so sweet and easy to get along with.

This week has continued to be more working on the house. I spent an entire day varnishing the wood we had sanded the week before; (if I get my hands on whomever dripped paint all over this wood trim...........) what wonderful aroma is that I smell on myself? Constant fumes of varnish, ugg. Before long the smell of paint on the walls began to overpower it, and now we have freshly painted, pinkish walls in a few rooms. Still plenty of weeding, planting vegatables, washing clothes and dolls, (donations) and scrubbing everything. Much work!

A typical week so far is like this:

Prayer meeting at 8 every morning with Thomas, (house coordinator) Sandra, ( Brasilian woman who works for ABBA) and the three of us girls. This means personal devotions, running, showers, and breakfast all need to be completed by 8. 

Work on the house from 9AM-4PM, half and hour lunch break in between. Wednesday ABBA staff meeting 1PM-3PM, making Wednesday a half day. Post office stop after the meeting, if we have letters to mail.

Friday is the market day; Shana and I went this week and sampled mangos, passionfruit, and another sourish, seeded fruit. Very tasty, and they often give us the whole thing! The street vendors ask if Julia is my sister, and she didn't even go this week! Then they say all Americans look alike. Compared to the diversity of the Brasilians in Sã Paulo, this is true.

Some days instead of the housework, some of us head off to the streets, like on Thursday. Julia and Sandra stayed home to prepare for the women coming over from the Favelas,  (shanty town area )and Thomas took Shana, myself, and another lady to the streets. Thomas bought bread to hand out to the kids, and we split up. He and I headed out to find the mysterious government run house for street kids, and Shana and the other lady walked around the center (The Valley; Anhangabaú) where we usually go. Eventually Thomas found it, but it looked like only boys were they. Apparently the mayor has funding to rent these kinds of big houses, or buildings to just put street kids in. He also has the money to just hire people to take care of them. But it seems to be more of a holding cell, not a place for the kids to live and eventually get back with their families. (what we are trying to do.) We will get in contact with them to see if we can be linked and work together.

There is a small Favela, or shanty town, where The ABBA workers have a Bible club, and adult classes and such, and we brought some of the women over from there to have a "tea" at our house on Thursday. We provided drinks and cakes and cookies, Susanna Smoak gave a message, and then Julia cut some of their hair and other women got their nails done. The most touching moment was when a woman asked to go swimming in our pool. She leapt in glee when we said yes, and she jumped in, splashing wildly. Turns out she's never been swimming before, and it was always a dream of hers to go. Wow.  She was so incredibly happy, and it made all the other women laugh as well.

Friday we spent extra time in prayer, seeking the Lord and his desires for the use of us and this house. There just don't seem to be any girls to live here, so we are in limbo, waiting. Pray for guidance, and clear understanding. We just don't know yet.

Evenings are often free, spend either in laundry time, reading, studying Portuguese, praying together, or dinner with friends. There is a private Christian school across the street, grades k-12, and we are friends with a lot of the teachers. They have us over for dinner sometimes, and we're planning other get togethers as well. On one such occasion, we met a man who was a missionary (not LDS) in Guatamala for 9 years. He told us some amazing stories of his two daughters he adopted there, and other interesting cultural tidbits. (such as, Guatamala doesn't use the metric system much, unlike nearly every other, intelligent country in the universe. Instead they do as the USA does.)

So it's been a fun time of meeting Americans from all over, other missionaries, (no, not LDS. not yet.) Swiss Germans, and plently of Brasilians. hearing everyones story and learning about so many things is great!

Today Shana and I headed downtown by bus then metro. My first metro ride here; I like DC's better, but this is better than NYC's subway system. We had a crazy, strung out man on the bus sitting behind us, telling us I looked like Princess Diana. WHAT? Then we moved up a few seats and he tried singing songs in English. Awkward. Downtown, we went into a Cathedral and took pictures of the area. Two young boys were begging, and Shana took them to eat food. Turns out they had already been in there, hoodwinking someone else. But Shana talked about Jesus a bit, told them to quit begging and go back to their families. They were only 7 and 10, and weren't quite authentic "street kids" yet.  Interesting experience.

I did a bit of gift shopping, and then the rain forced us to head home.  

Cultural Quirks:

7.Yes, even in the grand city of São Paulo, we cannot flush toilet paper. So we all have itty bitty garbage cans by our toilets. Which helps explain the next.......

8. Garbage comes three times a week; Mon, Wed, & Fri. After missing a day and getting a very full toilet-side can, I understand why three times a week.

9.Brasilians greet each other with a kiss. Oh dear. I've kissed more men (even though just on the cheek!) here than ever in my life. In three short weeks. I will never get used to greeting men with a kiss. It's ok with the females, but everything inside me screams "NOOOOO!!!" when I meet a new man and he leans in.........

10.Kite-flying. I see kites all over the place, and of all people flying them- teenage boys! Not even homeschooled teenage boys would be out flying kites in the US.

11.Clean shoes. Apparently having clean shoes is very important to Brasilians. Thomas was told once, "that's the funny thing about you. you're a rich american, but you never care about what shoes you wear!" I guess they alway wash them and make sure they shine. (maybe this also explains why they think I'm so odd, going about barefoot constantly?)

Which brings me to the present. Tomorrow I am planning to visit an authentic Brasilian church. (Last week was an American one. And oh, how very American indeed!) I shall let you know how it goes, and hopefully that helps paint an even better picture of how life is for us at the moment.

Philipians 4:7

Wow. I am here. It is rainy but warm, no snow even as a chance thought blowing through the mind. Now I´ve learned a few more details about what I´m doing here, let me share:

The ministry I am working through is called "Abba" and is Brasilian run. Thomas Smoak isn´t the only one in charge. There is a boys house, Casa Eloheim. and a teen home. and our girls home, which currently has
only 20-somethings who are all american females. ´There are Swiss Germans working here, (yay, Matthias!) americans, Brasilians, and a few others. The females (and Thomas) who are involved in our house
have gone to the streets a few times to look for girls age 12 and under. No luck so far; aparantly the goverment cleans up the streets during election year  and have been keeping it clean. Most of the
young street girls now live in another government-run house, so we will be going through the court system to get some girls.

This has given us time to clean up the house we are in and prepare it for new people. The house is great; a doctor and his wife who own it moved to Florida and donated the use of the house to Abba. So we get
it......with the swimming pool. And the lovely yard. And hot, running water. My, what a blessing. I even have my own bathroom, so far!

There are three other females working here: Julia Blessing, 23 today, has been here 4 months. Shana Simon, 23, been here 2 months. Me, 22, just arrived. Lydia Lashmann, 24, just arrived. So far we will be the
only ones living here, although since Julia is leaving in one month and Shana and Lydia in May, I might need more help......


We´ve worked on sanding paint off wood. (what louse paints without cleaning his drips off the WOOD FINISH??) That´s my least favourite aspect of this trip so far. We´ve helped clean a house of some other
missionaries. It´s in the process of being build, sort of as a retreat home for missionaries and friends. Actually it is nicer than most of the houses I´ve ever lived in! Today I washed more windows in one day
than I ever have before. New record. We´ve done yardwork. Green things grow fast here! We´ve been downtown by bus and van. It was a five hour ordeal by bus; good exercise though.

There is a nice, richer neighborhood within walking distance where go for running, walking, or just sanity. However, so far this city has been much cleaner and calmer than I expected. Partly due to the election, partly the holiday. Brasilians take most of January off of school to travel and such, so traffic has been light and many stores closed. Then there is a very raunchy (so I hear) Carnival coming up in February. They tell me condoms are passed out at airports, and very interesting ads are out for them as well. I´m sure you don´t need me to tell you what the Carnival is all about.

Food. Rice and beans for poorer people. Not much spice. It all probably depends on the ethnicity of the people you are with, and how much money they have. I´ve been to the mall once where we had wraps-
other times it has just been beans, rice, and maybe chicken. But things are a little off because of the holidays. There have been family visitors for many people, missionaries passing through, etc. So
extra good feasts have been laid. (I do love food!) Today I didn´t get lunch till 3:30. I about died, until we had Tilapia with rice and lime, salad with the freshest tasting lettuce, potatoes hot and steamy
with butter, and wine. The best I´ve ever had!

Coffee is big here. That satisfies me. The fruit is so sweet and deluctible- I could gourge myself if it was appropriate. (remember, though. gluttony is a sin.) We went to an open air market ("Feira", sounds like "feda".) on Friday and bought fruit. They give you samples as they yell for you to "come over right now and buy mangos!" ha.

Pictures: I have none. I tried a few days ago and they were rotten; too rainy and bad lighting. So far everywhere I´ve gone I will see again, so I will use my camera when it´s more sunny.

Language: Eh. so so. (mas o menos.) some Spanish works, but also makes it confusing. I´m getting some of it, but names are so difícil! So
different than names in Spanish. Please just be praying for supernatural understanding and grasp of Portuguese for me.

Culture quirks: I like quirks, and I found a few that are interesting. Here are the first few.

1. Little spoons are used for sugar in your coffee. They even sell plastic ones in bags.
2. They eat everything with forks and knives, even cutting salad. I am having a hard time-some of you are aware of my not so gentile table manners. I may come back much more cultivated than you remember....

3.Lunch is the only big meal- and it can be big!

4. Females are skinny!! Do they eat?

5.Slugs are huge! (must be eating what the girls here don´t eat.) they can be longer than my hand, and the best part is; if you put salt on
them, the slime turns orange. kinda like a lame sci-fi movie I watched back home, with killer slugs.

6. Last one for tonight-front gates as well as front doors are locked.
Once you lock the gate, you have to have a key to get back in OR out. Strange.

That´s it for now. It is strange to be here without my cell and imediate internet access, but good for me. Even stranger to not have my close siblings with me, even a phone call away. But God is good and provided me with great women to be with, and his own love and care!


(though I must say. I´ve live mostly with males the last year, and it´s rough getting used to the personalities of females. yes, praise God, they are cleaner! but guys don´t have to talk...)

here is my address if anyone wants to write. I have a phone number as well, ask my family for it if you want to call. (we pay for not only the phone calls but also by the minute so it´s cheaper for people to buy phone cards for calling the state of São Paulo.)

R. Jose Portolano, 60
Jd Das Imbuias 04827-320
São Paulo, SP
Brasil

 

Tchau! (as in, ciao)

Update number 2:

the news keeps changing- sorry about this. Caleb's right wrist is actually fractured. I believe that and his left foot/ankle are the only two surgeries left, and will take place tuesday or wednesday. they're still watching the spleen, but so far so good. he will be moved to a room tomorrow night or monday morning, and is still currently in intensive care. I was able to speak to him over the phone. he sounded like an injured man would sound, but it was good to hear his voice.

my mother sounded tired but is holding up well, just taking it one step at a time. my dad took micah to the utah jazz basketball game, (someone's gotta use caleb's season tickets!) so he's obviously doing okay. grin.

I'm leaving tomorrow, so I won't be on top of things. (like I always am) you'll have to find out from someone else! and my phone will be used by my friend Jes, so no calling me or texting me till next summer. just email/xanga/myspace. Here are the links if you are interested, and I will be posting photos and blogs a lot to xanga (during my trip) so keep an eye on it! take care, see you all next year!

Susanna's Myspace


Susanna's Xanga


sunathetuna@gmail.com (do I sense a pattern here?)

some of you may have heard by now but most likely not- my brother caleb got hit by a car this morning on the way to work. he's stable and all, but has 3 compound fractures, one in lis leg, (femur bone) one in his arm, and one in his wrist, all left side. he broke a few foot bones as well and crushed his left ankle. His spleen was ruptured and bleeding but they put some sort of mesh thing on it and think it will not be needing removal.

the accident was all the other person's fault, and needless to say, his car is totaled. he's been in surgery today on his spleen and arm, and will continue through tomorrow. he will be put in intensive care as well and won't be in his own room till Sunday, most likely. Then visitors after that, possibly. He's in LDS Hospital. I will keep everyone updated as best as possible till I leave, then I'm pretty much out of the loop. (you can contact my dad or church after I'm gone if you want more details)

this of course is yet another blow to the family, to his workplace, and to me. it's making leaving even harder, though I know I couldn't do anything if I was there anyway. I feel certain I should still obey God and go, even though I just want to go back to my brother. I know where God wants me and I need to listen. Please just be praying for my family, especially the parents and three youngest kids. I'm not sure how much more they can take this year. I do know, however, that all of our struggles so far this year have resulted in some good, so perhaps the good Lord will use this to heal us even more!




if you want to see caleb's car.......
caleb's car