I can measure my life in stages. . . by spurts of emotional growth, and revelations. How curious it is now to be mentally reliving the differnt suprises and turns on this journey down my own personal river of life. A jorney that has finally brought me full circle. . . the way I believe it was always meant to.
In the begining when I was new and so green my plans lay out before me in abundance, from dream to dream to goal to goal, there was no metaphorical mountain too high for me to scale. . .

    . . .Then there was a change, so new and different and alluring with all of the promises of a different way of living. So I took a step, then a bound followed by a leap and I suddenly lost footing and tumbled all the way. . . messy and dizzy and chaotic, full of confusion and loss, wondering which way was up from down and where I was in the mess of life. Then finally I crashed to the bottom of a canyon to look up and realize how far Id fallen from the dreams I had once created. And I foolishly blamed the change and its frivilous ways and I then held a bitter chip in my shoulder for years to come. 

    I set off down the river that rushed on taking its usual turns around bends and different shores. And I flowed with it quietly. When one day the river changed course and I found myself flowing slowly through a darkened night. . . Stars were dancing high above in the blackened skies and I expierenced a feeling of unreality. . . so surreal. Was this my time to drop anchor and rest a while, without taking the time to make sure it was I dropped anchor hastely. And there I stayed for days, weeks, months. . . I grew so tired of the familiar shores, as I could tell they were tired of my presence. . . Once a comfortable place for me to rest, a place I once loved and understood, was now so unpleasent and too familiar. . . The clouds darkened and threatened a storm, it was inevitable. In the rush and the roar of the thunder I cut the rope attached to my anchor and drifted away knowing I would never revisit the place or the man I called home again.

    I drifted for quite some time jaded and meloncholy until I once again fell into the familiar rythm of the stream. Letting it take me where it pleased trusting that it had a course. I floated on promising never to stay in one place again, though as you would know it the river had and ironic twist of its own. . .

    The river became spotted in white surf and the grassy shores were replaced with jagged rocks, the current picked up and raced. I suddenly sensed how out of control I was, the tide was too fast for me to keep up with and all I could do was hold on for dear life and pray to see the other side of what I was entering into. In this time of parrel and confusion I let my mind sway back to the place I had once stayed and wondered had I not cut anchor and waited out the storm, would I be in the mess I found myself in at the present time? My regrets came too many too late and I knew that the course I had chosen couldnt be changed, that the river had plans for me and I had to let go and have faith. As I did I felt myself pulled from the raft as I plumeted down a rush of water so deafening and forceful I thought I would be lost beneath the pounding force of the surf forever. Then it was black.

    I awoke tired and ragged. Washed up on an unfamiliar shore. The landscape was barren and void of life or comfort. . . though as tired and broken as I felt I collapsed and let myself rest a while. . . . a while. . . a while too long. I became frustraited by the droning on of the days and the hostile landscape so unforgiving and empty. I knew any mistep on these strange dry lands would be my last. I kept glancing at the river now moving with a gentle force, it called me back, and I knew it was time.

    I fashioned myself a new raft from my long forgotten dreams and plans and it held fast, and sturdy tied with hope. I pushed off from the easily forgotten landscape and waved behind me as if to say, "Thanks for reminding me why I cant stay here, stuck and stagnent with no where to go, nothing to build from and without soil to plant and grow from. . . my roots will not be layed here."

    The sun warmed my face and I took it as a good omen that nature approved of my trust in the unknown. The days hazed on sunny and bright and I knew that I was on course. The river I had learned to trust in time. . . did indeed have its plans. I was taken to new lands full of lush green landscapes and a quiet stir of life. I was shaded by evergreens that seemed to reach the sky and the water slowed to a gentle push guiding me slowly through this land so full of possibilities. I looked to the right when I heard a noise, the soft poetry of a kindred soul. . . our two streams were headed to a "V" where we met in the middle and smiled. We continued on down our now joined river. It was immediate that I felt a kinship with my fellow traveler. We shared stories and talked of our adventures, storms and smooth sailings alike. . . I grew attached to our companionship and told him how I felt I was tied to him forever and I never wished to explore without him again. . . when he told me we two were a pair and a team, and that there was no adventure too big if we wanted to share it together.

    In that place in the quiet of the sun painted afternoon, we joined rafts made of dreams and entertwined them with pieces of one another. I layed in his arms and understood the river's plans once and for all. It never intended me to drop anchor or lay roots, it never wanted me to stop and have only one landscape to look at forever. . . it new that if I carried on my stream would join another at a fork, where I would meet the one to share a journey with me.
    For rivers arent meant to stand still, they are not lakes, or ponds, or puddles. They ebb and flow forever, constantly moving forward, and progressing. . . Until the day they reach the ocean where possibilities for adventure are made endless. A thought that makes me smile. Our river will continue intertwined, and I am grateful to the river for bringing me such a love. . . such a soul to share my hopes with, such a friend to confide in and laugh with, until the day we reach the ocean and our future becomes endless.