To Little To Late

You say the guilt doesn’t get you, so you can finally live with what you left.

The girls you made and moved on from, no care for who felt bereft.

I can not speak for the others but I can speak from my own true heart.

There will always be a hole there from my family you ripped apart.

You couldn’t know you had parents, mother and father who both carried.

I had one mother who scratched and scraped and fought so our pockets never emptied.

You dare, dare ask me what my problem is.

Well let me tell you Dad, My problem is this.

You think it’s you’re business to jump in from your perch in the mountains high above

To bring the message to your abandoned child preaching peace and love.

If only you had been there more, when shit was really hard,

maybe then thinking of you wouldn’t open the parts of me that scarred.

Are really so ignorant to think that what you did had no lasting damage?

How can you think that having no father left me without baggage?

I can’t decide whether to loath what you have done or feel sorry for you,

Sometimes when I get angry I just remind myself that you don’t have a clue.

You will never feel the weight of what you’ve done, your denial won’t allow it

I wonder if you will live long enough to know what you turned to shit

I am envious of my six year old sister; she gets to grow up with our father. . .

I had only reached the age of one before you decided not to bother.

So why don’t you, instead of condemning me look a little closer to home

If you don’t like the way I am maybe you should have been there before I was grown

You are my father and I couldn’t change that even if I wanted to.

The reason I love Josh so much is because he is the complete opposite of you.

So don’t pretend to not understand my harshness, we both know you’re smarter than that.

Any attempt made by you now as a father, just seems to fall so flat.