I am very hesitantly journeying into the collection of Beatles covers for the "Across the Universe" film. The hesitation is due to the fact that I normally loathe Beatles covers (with the few exceptions being Cocker's "With a Little Help..." and another one i can't remember right now). In fact, the only reason i'm even addressing this in-all-likelihood portentous quest is because i have been told by certain friends that it is nothing short of "amazing". I'll bet. Nevermind my reservations. I will put them aside and judge accordingly. SOOO....here I go (in no particular order):
1. "Happiness is a Warm Gun" by Joe Anderson f/ Selma Hayek - It's not baaad, but it's not particulary amazing, either. The first question is raised: why would i want to hear an exact cover--or even a cover at all--of an original that is way better? I think as a general rule that if you cover a song, you should either warp it beyond belief and/or improve upon it so as to be better than the original (hence, the Cocker version of "With a Little Help...").
2. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by T.V. Carpio - I'm sorry, but I thought this was awful. The faux school-of-Neko Case vocals, the glistening studio acoustic, the sappy, full-bodied, over-digitalized strings at the end...to be fair, I just don't know if this song can really be covered at all. I'd just prefer it in the real, not all glossy and nouveau-white-girl-soul.
3. "Girl" by Jim Sturgess - The best thing about this one is the length. Is this Josh Groban? Can I buy this at Wal-Mart under the "Holiday" section? I need to take a shower.
4. "All My Loving" by Jim Sturgess - If anyone wanted me to see this film, i'm probably not going to anymore. This soundtrack is a terrible segueway into it. I think (and there's no sarcasm here) that I heard this in Starbucks, which is no surprise. This guy's vocals are horrendously calculated and hollow. I can actually hear him pursing his lips when he says "true" (ugh!). Do all of his songs sound this awful? Again, to be fair, the distorted bass and bottom of this song isn't bad, and they keep the triplets in check. But that voice! Where's Gibby Haynes when you need him? Let's continue; i'm looking for some kind of light here.
5. "With a Little Help from My Friends" by Jim Sturgess and Joe Anderson - Jim Sturgess is a cursed man. The instrumentation here is actually a little delicious, and I was kinda hoping that the My Bloody Valentine-industrial-wash would overtake him completely. This guy is probably really cool in real life--along with his Lennon shades and black leather jacket and goatee. Only real highlight: they use a snippet of the Cocker version. Really, though, it's lost.
6. "It Won't Be Long" by Evan Wood - It's just not good! This was a good song. And this is a recipe for how to make it completely mediocre.
7. "I've Just Seen a Face" by Jim Sturgess - Yet again, instrumentation not half bad (think Ween's White Pepper). I can't do this anymore, Jim. I'm gonna forego the rest of your tracks lest my ears start spouting plasma and brie.
8. "Let It Be" by Carol Woods and Timothy T. Mitchum - Salvation, literally. I've secretly always wanted to hear a gospel send-up of this song, because it's practically built for it. This track starts off a little blandly, but the choirs twist it into Southern sweetness. Thank you, Jesus.
9. "Come Together" by Joe Cocker - There's been so many covers of this song that it's hard to really do anything with it, but this is pretty okay. Starting off and maintaining the really dark and swampy atmosphere implemented by the original (here made by way of squiggly, Eddie Van Halen-style overdrive and wah-wah, and voodoo drums) and adding the typical Cockerian choir touches, it actually surpasses the Aerosmith and Soundgarden versions by a long shot.
8. "Why Don't We Do It in the Road" by Dana Fuchs - Not really my cup of tea, but I admire the over-the-top organ and guitar. Not half bad.
9. "If I Fell" by Evan Wood - Way too serious and (not meaning to be literal here) soundtrack-y. The vocal is not bad, but just a little too on-key and Broadway in its perfect execution for my tastes. The original is gorgeous, so it's hard to mess up, but it's just that: with the original in hand, i would never listen to this again. Where's my copy of A Hard Day's Night?
10. "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" by whoever - I tire of repeating these same names. Not a terrible cover, if you've never listened to Abbey Road, I guess. At least it's shorter.
11. "Dear Prudence" by whoever, again - Wow, what a surprise. A full-up three part vocal. Please, my heart cannot take the strain of how wonderfully original your rendition is. Message to Evan Rachel Wood: Don't ever put the words of this song into your Manson-kissing mouth again.
I could go on and do the rest--the "Blue Jay Way" cover by Secret Machines was nice and gloomy and Eddie Izzard does the best that can be done with the here-vaudevillian "Mr. Kite"--but all in all, with the number of Dana Fuchs/Evan Rachel Wood/Jim Sturgess/Joe Anderson covers dominating this thing, it's hard for me to keep my stomach in check. Maybe the movie would convince me otherwise, but this is an abyssmal way to begin. And I thought you people were my friends...