It hasn't exactly been the summer of love....

I've been sick for exactly 16 days now. SICK. Sicker than I can recall in a long time. It started with the nasty stomach stuff that usually only lasts 24 - 48 hours, because once your system ejects everything the germs are gone. But not this time. On the 5th straight day, I went to the Dr., who asked scary questions like, have you been out of the country? Have you been camping or drinking pond water? Have you been eating raw ground beef? (No, no, no and no.)

The Dr. gave me meds to supposedly help (still not convinced they did). I started gradually feeling a little better, even felt up to running to the store last Mon., had a bad headache when I got home though...

And the headache moved in. It's day 9 of the headache. Same headache, same place (right side of head, above and below my eye and straight back to the base of my skull), no relief. I fall asleep with it, wake up with it. I have some kind of fluid or something going on with my ear: I can't hear clearly, feel like my head is half under water (at best; at worst it's like someone trying to stuff a pillow into my ear).

So I went back to the Dr. on Mon. Amazingly they said they thought it was unrelated to the still subsiding stomach sickness. Migraines. They gave me two types of migraine meds - neither worked at all. They also gave me a Tylenol 3 prescription, which at least makes it easier for me to fall asleep...

The on-call Dr. Mon. told me if things don't change, I need to come back in a week and get a CatScan. I told him I didn't think there were any cats in my head. Hey, I'm in a lot of pain, but it isn't going to stop me from being silly.

I haven't worked out in over 2 weeks, and I'm almost certainly going to miss midterming towards my second-degree black belt this Fri. Which stinks but isn't exactly a big deal. I just want to get better before the Ninja goes back to school (in 8 days) so I don't have to stress trying to get him ready for school and there on time while I feel like hell.

The Ninja has been awesome. He's been a really good helper around the house and brought me countless wet rags for my head and glasses of Gatorade. The poor kid has been cooped up a lot with me, so I've been trying to take him out whenever I can manage, at least let him go to karate class and hang out to play with his buddies afterward. I can't believe how lucky we've been that he hasn't been sick.

I've been so sick I haven't even been able to put my contacts in, and I never sacrifice that. My glasses tend to give me a headache anyway, and I can't see without them, so I've been confined to doing nothing a lot of the time. I certainly haven't been up for using the computer much. So I'm terribly behind on my book contract (I'm supposed to be done with a chapter for a textbook and I'm not close).

Of course, all this comes right after I had a huge blow-up with my mom. My mom is a nurse, but she's also been treating me like a total loser and the worst mother in the world and completely incapable of so much as buying the Ninja's school supplies and too irresponsible to care... so whatever benefit I could've had from her nursing experience while I was sick was out-weighed by the torment she could inflict. I have had help from several friends (you know who you are), which meant a lot. I suppose it's a huge deal for me to ask anybody for help. My dad has also helped some. I thought it was interesting that his very-long-term girlfriend asked him if I'd had a fight with my mom since she hadn't been over here helping. I guess women just pick up on some stuff.

I can't recall ever going 3 weeks without talking to her before. I don't exactly stand up to her a lot, but she's been really terrible the past few months.

I admit I felt I had to prove to her, even if she never acknowledged it, that I manage just fine without her. Even sick as a dog, school fees got paid, bills got paid, the Ninja was taken care of, school clothes and crayons were bought...

It has hurt my feelings some, of course, that she's treated me like such a loser. I was laid off a few months ago, and it would've been nice to have her support and encouragement. She just isn't capable.

She showed up today, after 3 weeks, and acted like nothing had happened. Which is practically a family tradition. She had bought the Ninja school supplies and clothes (literally a dozen shirts and 8 pairs of shorts), and I showed her that I already had everything covered and thanked her politely. She said to keep it all and use it as he needs new stuff. She also gave me money, which I had a hard time accepting after the way she's treated me. She said it was for the Ninja's school, and I told her I'd already paid it and she didn't need to do anything. She insisted I take it, to the point where I guess I would've had to be a bit bitchy to turn it down. So I took it, hoping like hell it won't be thrown back in my face later. She did acknowledge, without prompting, that I've paid her cell bill for years and handled credit card billing errors for her and things like that. Which I guess is as close as she can come to admitting that I am not worthless and irresponsible...

Now if I was just well...

I've watched a few episodes of Bridezillas (How can there be so little to watch late at night in this day and age? How???). I realize this is a nasty habit, like watching car wrecks and public executions and Roman gladiator fights.

But I can find something good in it: hope for singles.

Ladies:

You may think I'm going to say 'hey, if these bitches can get a man, then I have plenty to be hopeful about'. But that would be too easy. It'd be true, but easy.

I think single women can watch this show and be thankful that these men are being taken out of the dating pool. Without fail, these are men who know their wife-to-be is classless, without manners, insensitive, immature, and just plain mean. They typically understand that their lovely fiancée is a game-playing manipulator, willing to lie or mislead or fake tears if it will get her what she wants.

She has no respect for anyone.

And this jerk wants to marry her.

And ladies, if you think that'd be a good catch, you're wrong. Seriously wrong. Really, who wants a guy who condones that kind of behavior? What kind of dad is that guy going to make? This guy is either lacking all self respect, or he will do anything to get laid, and I think 'anything' includes all kinds of extra-marital options. This is not a stand-up guy. This isn't a guy who will defend your honor, because honor isn't one of his requirements. You really can't be pissed if a guy like this doesn't back you up, because he's already shown a backbone deficit that is impossible to miss. Don't think he'll show a backbone just on the occasions you want him to get it out and wear it. Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

If you think a guy who cowers when his fiancé throws his wedding band at him cause the rock ain't big enough sounds like a good catch, realize this is a guy who cares little about anything, and she'll be on that list soon.

Men:

You should celebrate the fact that these women are off the market. You should want to send these jerks wedding presents for getting these gals out of the dating scene. That immediately ups your odds of finding a sane woman who is looking for a partner and not something to wipe her feet on.

Take comfort in the fact that for every Bridezilla, there are approx. 12 bridesmaids that are aghast that their 'friend' treats men this way, treats her family this way, and now treats them this way. For every raging bitch, there are 12 decent gals who are wondering how they didn't realize she was like this, and wondering if they can possibly get their money back on that hideous dress.

Both sexes should take comfort in the fact that if this was indeed the norm for the opposite sex, it wouldn't be on TV. It's on because it's a freakshow, because these people are the exception and not the rule.

This 'treat me like the princess I am' mentally is probably just going to grow, judging by the way some people parent. These ladies were raised to be monsters, they didn't just wake up one day with fangs and claws and a need for $15,000 in flowers. At it's core, these are ladies so unsure they are worth treating right or that anyone will ever treat them right that they assume some outrageous persona to hide behind, sure that if anyone is willing to humor her anyway then they must really love her (and she'll test him everyday for as long as his lives, right up until she shaves her hair off like Brittney Spears), and these are guys who just figure it's easier to marry her than to face the fact that they've wasted the last 16 months on a woman who is less mature than most toddlers, more materialistic and shallow than Paris Hilton, and meaner than a junkyard dog; they can't admit they were just so happy to have sex with her that they were willing to unlook the fact that she's more cruel than most serial killers. They are marrying Bad Bad Leroy Brown, and they're too apathetic to do anything about it. Possibly at some level they think that the only reason they can get a woman, even one this damaged, is because he has some money. He knows when the money isn't there, she won't be either, and he's probably about that committed to her.

Sigh. It's sad that we have TV shows about the mockery people make of marriage, the casual way people will hurl destruction directly at the people who love them most. Maybe it makes the rest of us feel better about poor relationship choices we've made. Hopefully, it makes us more determined to take romantic relationships (as well as family and friends) a little more seriously.

INXS had several good songs over their career, but I think The One Thing, one of their earlier songs, was probably the best.
It's also an excellent argument/confrontation philosophy. No matter how upset you are or how many just causes you might have, it's better to talk to someone about one thing that's bothering you, the most important thing, The One Thing. Trying to confront someone about a list of things will only get you dismissed as being angry. If you want to be heard, I think you have to focus the message.

Focusing the message isn't a guarantee you'll be heard, but it ups the chance you will be.

Lately, I've been aware that I've been grinding my teeth a lot, literally, because I've been angry about a number of things my mother has said to me. I've let it slide, because I felt that 1. confrontation wouldn't accomplish anything because 2. she isn't going to change who she is magically overnight.

Just this past week, she called me to tell me about a story she saw on the news about companies who are giving people gas money if they will put the company's advertisements all over their car.

She was completely serious that this was something she thought I should do.

I was flabbergasted. Aghast.  Stunned. Appalled.

I didn't confront her over this because that would've been pointless. Her car was ad-free as of yesterday, but she really thinks I should do this. She really thinks I should have zero class, take a job delivering pizza or get a tattoo for an internet gaming site willing to pay a few bucks to people willing to do so, give up on ever getting a decent job, give up on my education and experience, admit I'm a loser and a failure at 37 and show the world I am low-class, and they should feel free to treat me and my son accordingly in the drop-off lane at private school. Yep, nothing like having all your third grade friends aware that your mom is not a professional and never will be because she will do anything for a buck…

To some degree, the concept of conducting oneself with dignity and class is foreign to my mother (but not enough so that she'd sell ad space on her car). She never taught us anything about conducting yourself with self-respect. Everything I have figured out about that, I've learned as an adult. I know it was a hindrance as a teenager not to have these concepts down, and it isn't something I'm going to revisit or impart to my son.

My mother has stated I should get on food-stamps, welfare, whatever. I make more on unemployment than the poverty level in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arkansas. I don't think there's any shame in accepting unemployment, because that's a right if you're laid off until you find another job, but I'm not looking for a handout. I know I will get another job, and it won't be delivering pizza or wearing a sign-board in front of Subway, not because there's anything wrong with that but because I have a degree and a lot of professional experience, and I will get paid for using my mind. I deserve to get paid for using my mind. I could get a job waitressing, but I'm not going to. I haven't been complaining about making ends meet, I haven't been asking anybody for money, and I'm not desperate. I think if I conducted myself in a less than professional manner by taking an 'unskilled labor' job, I could kiss my future as a professional goodbye.

Oh, and this week I learned the book I've been contracted to write and am working on is available for pre-sale online.

We live in West Little Rock, which isn't the Hamptons, but I want the Ninja growing up learning he's as good as everyone else, that we'll never have enough money for our every whim but nobody should, and we will make ends meet in transition times. I want him to grow up knowing stability. I didn't, but he deserves better than that. I've worked hard to let him know we are cutting back on some things right now, but we're ok financially, the rent is getting paid, and life is going on.

It is a wonder I haven't ground my teeth down to the gums over this.

But, like I said, I don't think I can change my mother on this, and I haven't wasted my breath.

I am aware that if I had a boyfriend or friend who was around to witness these encounters with my mother, they would most certainly call her behavior abusive and perhaps not understand why I don't say more in rebuttal.

I am comfortable, though, that I pick my battles well. I don't go to war over every comment, but it doesn't mean I'm not willing to go to war if the circumstances warrant.

There have been countless other nasty comments by my mother: that I will have a problem getting a job because I'm too old, that my resume is 'too good' and I should dumb it down if I want to get a job, that I need to just take any job as long as it's right now, that my standards are unrealistically high and I just need to settle for the next thing that comes along…

Blah blah blah.

It makes me angry, but I remind myself that it isn't about me even, it's about how her mother treated her, it's about her being unable to be supportive or happy for anyone, and it's probably about some bad feeling she has inside about how she was parenting when she was my age vs. how I parent (AWOL and hanging out in bars to meet guys while the kids were unsupervised, vs. me being incredibly responsible, loving and supportive of the Ninja. She is deeply critical of me taking taekwondo lessons, basically saying I don't deserve to have any adult activities in my life or anything that brings me pleasure, I should do nothing but sacrifice every moment of my life, until I snap and go AWOL the way she did… I know she is probably a little jealous of the shape I'm in compared to where she was when she was my age: I earned a blackbelt just shy of my 37^th birthday. The remark about me being too old to get hired is proof enough there's some personal jealousy there, that and the unreasonable hatred of the ATA…

Anyway. I've let all this slide. But the past few days, I was really thinking about the fact that it is starting to make me so angry that I need to say something, just to release that inner pressure.

If anything, I think I may be too reserved when I fight. I keep it to The One Thing. I absolutely never name-call, I don't yell, I don't act like a child.

So all this leads up to yesterday. My mother insists on going to Magic Springs (because she secretly wants me to be some magically-supported stay-at-home mom that can focus on entertaining her). We're in the car, and she brings up the fact that the Ninja isn't on anybody's insurance. My insurance was practically worthless, you had to meet an out-of-pocket deductible of around $3200 before it paid a dime. So I don't feel like us having no insurance right now is a big deal: it isn't that different. My mother argues that if something happens and you're hospitalized, you will not get the same care without insurance as you would if you had insurance. And maybe she's right, although I don't think it's so easy to make such a blanket statement. At any rate, I am willing to accept this risk for now. She isn't. But she is absolutely freaky in how paranoid she is about things: storms flip her out, the Ninja participating in anything athletic flips her out, the Ninja playing any video games or going to anything more than a G rated movie…it's a long list. I have refused to let her irrational fears limit my life.

We were in the car yesterday, and she's going on about how worried she is that we don't have insurance. I don't appreciate this conversation in front of the Ninja. He recently asked me what insurance is, and an 8 year old shouldn't have to know these things.

Then she said she wished she could carry the Ninja on her insurance. She frequently makes this kind of statement, which annoys me, it's like saying 'I wish I had a unicorn and a rainbow in my room'. There are simple rules about who you can carry on insurance, and wishing isn't going to change that. Just accept that those are the rules and everybody has to live by the rules (not learning that lesson as a child also was a hindrance, but I'm trying to embrace the idea that I am not above the rules, and neither is my mom). Then she says my ex would never allow it, and I realize she's talking about me giving up custody of the Ninja to her so she could legally put the Ninja on her insurance.

I know this because it isn't the first time she's brought it up. While I was going through the divorce she frequently brought it up, that somehow the Ninja would be better off if she had custody of him.

I KNOW it's ridiculous to imply I'm not a good parent. I'm a great parent. And just because she fucked up being a parent when I was a kid doesn't mean she gets my son for a second try. It's ridiculous, and I'm not sure it isn't just one of her many subconscious ways to tell me she thinks I am a total loser failure. She can't admit she's made mistakes, so she projects it onto me as being a complete disappointment in every way.

Like I said, this isn't the first time this has come up. It's outrageous, I'm quite aware normal grandparents don't say that shit to their kids who are being responsible parents. When I tell people my mother treats me like I'm 12, pregnant and on crack, I am not kidding or exaggerating: just as a parent might seek to get custody of their minor child's child, my mother thinks I can't raise my son properly.

And I couldn't let this all pass, not in front of the Ninja. I said 'I would never allow it, nothing will change that he is mine'. And I dropped it.

Today I realized I had to confront her. I called her and said, simply, no cussing or raised voice, don't ever say anything about adopting the Ninja, or say anything remotely negative about his dad, in front of the Ninja ever again.

People who are in the wrong and can't stand being wrong will follow a pattern: that's not what I said; ok that is what I said but you misunderstood; hey there are 15 things wrong about you so how dare you complain about what I said; you've done the same or worse; and fine I will just stay out of your life altogether if you're going to treat me like this.

And that's what happened. She yelled, she cussed, she listed all the many many things wrong with me and that I had a lot of nerve and couldn't tell her what to say in front of the Ninja…

As disappointing and frustrating and heart-breaking as all this is, I at least feel like I did maintain my composure and class throughout the argument. I didn't get into an argument about all the many distractive things she brought up, I stayed on topic (except for one brief moment when she was saying I should be looking for a job instead of going to taekwondo at night, and I tried to ask what in the world the two things had to do with each other, as if I'm going to get a logical answer).

She went off about how she supports us (with some things, like buying the Ninja school clothes, but not with paying bills or loaning us money, and not because I have asked for anything…this is the woman who can't be bothered to baby-sit for me once every few months when I might want to go out) and therefore has the right to tell me what to do and when and how to live my life and what my priorities should be….

It's pathetic, it really is.

I know she was furious because she perceived me to be taking up for my ex at her expense, which is silly. I don't particularly like him, but my son will never know that. For the Ninja's sake, I will not allow anybody to talk bad about his dad around him.

Right before this happened, I was putting new pictures up on the refrigerator. And for a brief moment I questioned myself, whether it was right that the vast majority of pictures on the fridge are of mine and Ninja's friends. But that's because our friends are the ones who are there for us, who cheered us on when we got blackbelts and nobody in our family could force themselves to show up and support us. We don't have recent family pics because we don't see any family except for my mother. Pictures of our friends are on the fridge because they make me feel good when I look at them, I think about good times and people who treat me well, people who believe in me and don't try to run me down. You can't fault anybody for wanting happy thoughts everytime they go to the fridge.

I've been questioning movie ratings in my head lately. I took the Ninja to see Ironman a while back, which is a great movie. But I don't think I would've taken him if I'd known they were going to show military Humvees getting blown away and bloody bodies of soldiers…that's a bit much for an 8 year to see.

The two 'Dark Knight' Batman movies are rated PG-13. I think if my Ninja saw the first one, with the Scarecrow, he would never sleep again. I haven't seen the second one yet, but everything seems to indicate that Heath Ledger's Joker is a mass-murdering terrorist who delights in spreading fear in Gotham...

PG-13 is such a broad category there days…Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was rated  PG-13…I'm not entirely sure why…fire ants? Aliens? Women with latent dominatrix tendencies?

They seem to base the PG-13 rating on some abstract notion of how 'intense' the movie is, which doesn't reallt seem like the best gauge.

The first 3 Indiana Jones movies were PG. But times have changed and people are willing to take younger kids to PG-13 movies now. Maybe too willing. I've been a bit dismayed at the toys coming out in conjunction with The Dark Knight, toys for little kids. I saw a Joker in the store the other day, clearly modeled on Heath Ledger's character and no prior incarnation, that said it was for ages 3 and up. 3 and up?

The Mummy movies were all rated PG-13. It seems hard to put mass-murderers and war horrors in the same category as 'mummy comes back to life, bringing the plagues of Egypt. It would seem like the level of realism or the 'scary stuff' would dictate a different rating.

Back in the 80s, movies like St. Elmo's Fire and Class got R ratings. Now it takes something like American Pie to get an R rating. I'd categorize St. Elmo's Fire and Class as more along the lines of What Happens in Vegas, which earned a PG-13 rating. The R rating, it seems, has become the kiss of death, and more and more film makers are assuring the get into the PG-13 category.

At 14, I saw my first R movie in Hot Springs with Sibling and a cousin (walked right in, nobody asked for ID). It was White Nights with Mikhail Baryshnikov. I can't imagine it getting an R these days.

Of course I can't imagine going to see it these days.

I don't think it ever made anybody's list of top movies.

I just get a little annoyed when they make happy meal toys and action figures for kids in kindergarten that are tied to PG-13 movies. MAYBE they shouldn't be seeing those…

Of course, these days a G rating is also a kiss of death. It signifies something as so bland and sappy that it couldn't possibly be worth watching.

But it is deliberate, marketing PG-13 movies to 6 year olds. That way you can get the adult audience and the teen audience for the action flick, AND get the kiddy market. AND make bucks off tie-in toys.

I read that High School Musical has really been marketed toward the Pre-K crowd, that there are legions of 4 year olds singing 'Fabulous', even though the motives and plot-lines are completely lost on them.

Side note: I thought it was hilarious that Ninja saw Indiana Jones & the Crystal Skull with a dozen 7 year olds, and every one of them seemed to deliberately tune out the parts about Indiana having a grown son he never knew about.

I have to say, the Ninja and I are looking forward to seeing the new Journey to the Center of the Earth, and I think it's great that they made another Mummy movies, but instead of going the cheap/ripoff route, brought back Brendan Fraiser AND recruited Jet Li.

I'm a sucker for a good action movie. I saw Gladiator in the theater the night before I went into labor with the Ninja. I had been on bedrest for 6 weeks, but just couldn't take it anymore. My two friends told me if I went into labor during the movie, I was just going to have to call a cab because they weren't about to walk out of Gladiator.

So far in taekwondo, when I've competed, I've consistently done best in sparring.

I think it probably takes more skill to win at form or weapons competition, but I was still pleased.

I watched at the recent Worlds tournment, and some of the women around my age were absolutely out to hurt somebody. Not score, but to hurt somebody, psyche out the competition, and win because they'd shaken everyone up.

I have seen this before at competitions. The last time I competed, early this year, I watched two women from my ring have to see the medic before it was my turn. And yeah, I was completely psyched out: I just wanted to get through my 3 minutes without being hurt. I was on the defensive. And you can't win if you don't score points.

But I really only saw this at the big tournaments, not the smaller ones.

I knew Claire had a bad experience at a class I wasn't at, where she got pretty shook up by one of our Dr. friends. He normally is pretty controlled, but apparently he accidentially punched her in the face (which ATA doesn't allow).

But I wasn't feeling shook up. I wasn't feeling like I was great at sparring, but that's because I usually have to spar higher ranks and get my butt whipped. When I'm not sparring higher ranks, I'm usually sparring men at least 8 inches taller than me.

But last week, I was sparring two of the teenagers (not my favorite teenage girl that I think is so sweet and talented and destined to be president), and...I definitely got shook up.

The girl, who is much higher rank, went to kick in the side, which is legal but you do risk accidently kicking somebody in the kidneys, which isn't legal, and well, painful. Her foot accidentially (I guess) went up under my vest, and she kicked me in the ribs. Hard.

No pads, nothing but a tshirt between her foot and my ribcage.

I was startled and grabbed my ribs, and I guess she didn't realize what she'd done, because she kept fighting. I realized nothing was ruptured or broken and tried to keep fighting, shake it off...

Then she did it again.

This time I said, rather pissed off, 'that went under my vest; you kicked my ribs - second time'. Of course I had a mouth guard in and I don't know if she heard me.

Then I sparred the boy. He hit me once a few months ago, barely missing my chest protector and hitting the front of my shoulder, and it was literally purple and black for 3 - 4 WEEKS. And it hurt like hell.

And hey, I'm a girl, it's summer, I'm not exactly wearing turtlenecks and I don't want to look like a battered woman.

Anyway. The same night, he kicks me hard in the mid-thigh. Anything below the belt is illegal, and he was maybe a foot below the belt. Shortly after that, he punched me in the bicep...

He is also a higher rank. Both of these kids have been doing this more than twice as long as I have, AND they're a third of my age.

I was pissed and left class pissed without saying anything. I had to think about it a little: was I just shook up?

No. Hell no.

That girl could've easily broken a rib with one of her kicks. She is easily strong enough and routinely kicks hard enough to break a bone. And, to put it bluntly: I'd be shit out of luck. Emergency room trip. No insurance. Who is going to watch the Ninja? Who is going to take care of him, or for that matter, me, if I get hurt? Who is going to pay the bills? Oh, and I signed a release when I started taking lessons: there would be nobody to sue, nobody to help with the bills or the Ninja or anything else. I'd be lucky if anyone sent a get-well card.

As much as I hate to get scared away from sparring, it would be idiotic and irresponsible for me to do something that would mean I would be likely to get hurt. Seriously hurt, not just bruised and pissed.

I briefly spoke to our instructor in training tonight, told him I needed to either quit sparring or never spar those two kids again, because I am not going to let some kid put me in the hospital.

He said he would talk to the kids, and let's see if that fixed the problem.

The Ninja was really trying to get my attention, so I cut the conversation short (and didn't stay for my class).

Let's see? And if that girl breaks a rib? Oops, I guess it didn't fix it, huh?

Not a good enough.

This just isn't something I can take a chance on. That would be so irresponsible.

I really hate to give up something I like just because a couple of kids are gung-ho little ass-kickers.

I had intended (the night I almost got hurt) to go to a second class at a different school, a mixed martial arts class where they do some take-downs, wrestling, etc. It sounded like fun. But after the way class had gone, I didn't feel like it and really wondered if it was responsible to even consider doing something like that.

I stopped on my way out to say hi to my favorite teenager's parents. I said something about when I spar her, she kicks my ass and leaves me wondering 'where did that kick come from?', BUT she is always precise, and she never uses enough force to hurt somebody, just to get the point and the win.

She usually trains at another school, but comes to ours because we have more adults she can fight. They started telling me about the school she usually goes (where the mixed martial arts class is), and this one man who has some real anger issue. He gets seriously pissed whenever somebody scores on him in sparring, and he will go after them trying to hurt them. The other night, they said, he lost it, and intentionally stomped this man's foot as hard as he could, and broke his toe.

They said the toe was sticking out at this crazy broken angle and everything.

And it hit me, somebody could intentionally hurt me in class, seriously hurt me, and there is nothing I could do about it. And seriously, I doubt ATA would do anything about it. They didn't kick this guy out of class, he's still there.

It's outrageous, but if you take a martial arts class you're supposed to be assuming that risk. If you get f-ed up, too bad.

Then they mentioned their daughter having to fight him in the mixed martial arts class...

Sheesh, I don't want to be in class with a couple of stupid kids, I certainly don't want to be around some nutcase who is looking for ways to hurt people without getting arrested.

I don't worry about my teenage pal, because this guy is notoriously slow and sloppy and new to martial arts, and she is the personification of 'float like a butterfly'. She's little and fast and light on her feet. And I know: she could still kick crazy guy's head around and piss him off. But then, that is part of the danger: she has to see crazy guy in the parking lot.

I really hate thinking about taekwondo as dangerous, I hate getting scared away from sparring altogether. But I do have responsibilities. Taking care of the Ninja is my top priority. I can't do anything stupid that could put my ability to do that as risk.

I'm still pissed and disappointed about it.

I will probably talk to my Dr. friends about it, and discuss it more with the instructors. But the simple fact is I don't trust these kids, I don't think they have good self control, and I think they have a different approach to sparring than I do. They're out to kick and punch as hard as they can, not just win. I don't see that changing because somebody says something to them.

I haven't been back in class since the night I almost got hurt. My ribs didn't bruise or anything. But I still find myself putting my hand over there and thinking, damn, there isn't a worst place I could get hit, there is just no padding there, nothing but a direct path to bones and all kinds of important stuff underneath.

It sucks. I loathe admitting I'm not tough enough for anything. I loathe admitting I'm not bulletproof.

Maybe I will be happier in the long run focusing on form and weapons skill. But right now it just feels like somebody took something away from me.

It's been reported today that the United States' leading export to Iran is cigarettes.

John McCain was told this by a reporter, and quipped, so that's supposed to kill 'em? (or something to that effect)

He immediately said he was joking.

Already. some news outlets are saying his comment may be offensive to some.

Ok....who?

I can understand being offended that cigarettes kill people, I can understand being offended that our leading export isn't medicine or food but cigarettes, I can understand being offended that at a time when US farmers are struggling, tobacco is such a money-maker...

I can understand someone being offended at those things, but taking offense seems to be a pretty pointless effort.

By why take offense with McCain? I don't think he was making light of cancer deaths or the risk of cigarettes, and I don't think you can possibly say he was making light of the deaths in Iran...so who's offended? Tobacco companies, tobacco farmers??

Get over it.

McCain's reaction seemed pretty normal: he looked at the reporter fairly surprised. Then he said what I'd guess a majority of people would think (even if they didn't say it outloud).

Somertimes as a culture we are ridiculously touchy.

Of course, sometimes as a culture we are looking for a reason to be offended by someone we don't like.

Like a lot of my generation, I was on the Bozo show. Our Bozo wasn't Harmon, just one of the countless guys licensed to play the clown (if I thought hard enough, I might be able to recall his name).

I must've been about 4, and the Sibling was about 8. I was a little dumbstruck at the TV studio and the prospect of Bozo, and Sibling had to literally drag me around by the hand.....

We're in line to sit in the stands on the stage, and these twin girls who had to be about 7 or 8 decided they liked Sibling, and shoved me out of the way to get in line on either side of him. The commotion caught Bozo's attention, and…....

Bozo yelled at me.....

Yep.....

I was traumatized at the Bozo show, all because these little hussies were trying to put the moves on Sibling.....

I don't really recall anything else about the occasion; nothing else could compete with getting yelled at by Bozo.....

Frikkin' clown.....

The state paper is, well, the state paper. Honestly, I don't expect journalistic excellence. I just expect competence.

Which is apparently too much.....

They have a photo gallery, prominently featured on the website, of the ATA Worlds Tournament last weekend (mainly the Opening Ceremonies at ALLTEL Arena).....

ATA = American Taekwondo Association, which calls Little Rock home.

Worlds is the single largest conference/competition held in AR. It brings 20 - 30,000 people to downtown LR from 17 countries, and a huge amount of revenue.....

LR and NLR and state officials speak at the opening ceremonies and issue welcoming letters in ATA materials.....

And yet the state paper, in all it's glory, calls it 'kick boxing'.....

Here's the letter I emailed the state news editor:....

Mr. Shameer,....

I was surprised to see a major inaccuracy on the arkansasonline.com website. A photo gallery from the 2008 ATA Worlds Competition Opening Ceremony at ALLTEL Arena is prominently featured, under the title '2008 ATA Kick Boxing'.....

ATA Worlds competition is the single largest conference/competition in Arkansas, bringing 20,000 people to the state and million in revenue, and the Democrat Gazette calls the Taekwondo association 'kick boxing'. The most inexperienced reported should have found out what ATA stands for, and realized that nowhere in the opening ceremonies or tournament is 'kick boxing' used, because it isn't kick boxing, it's taekwondo.....

This is very offensive to an organization that calls ....Arkansas.... home: the state paper doesn't even bother to
get the name of the martial art ATA promotes right (and it's in the organization's name!). PLEASE get this fixed and issue an apology to an organization that brings a great number of tourists to ..Central AR.., along with a big revenue boost.....

Would the paper carelessly call horse racing 'dog racing'? I don't think so. Similarly, kick boxing and taekwondo are different animals.....

 ....

 ....

 ....

Sigh.....

Pathetic.

I read somewhere recently that if empathy isn't taught at a very early age, like by 3 or 4, then a person is basically hardwired to be cold: unsympathetic, unconcerned about others' feelings, even unkind....

I thank God the Ninja is empathetic. If anything, he may be too empathetic: I worry he may be grown and crying during sappy movies and catching and releasing spiders outside rather than killing them (which would just be wrong, wrong, wrong).....

Then the question occurred to me, well how did I learn empathy? My father and brother are emotionally stunted and chemically dependant, my mother is about as cold as you can get without being a psychotic, and she grew up that way because of her family, and my father's family had little interaction with us…....

So what happened? Did aliens come down and snatch me up when I was 2 and program me for empathy and drop me back off before anybody missed me?....

Maybe that's a little far-fetched, but empathy is a learned behavior, and we're talking the years before I started school, and I know I'm not adopted because I've seen the birth certificate and hello, it takes empathy for people to want to adopt.....

This puzzled me for a little bit. I really tried to search my memory for examples of empathy, things I had to have learned from.....

I've been able to remember very little. My parents weren't horrible when I was little, they were just not empathetic people. There was no charity involvement. Pretty much my family believed if someone was in a bad situation, they got themselves there and got what they deserved, and even if they didn't, it was still every man for himself.....

Then I remembered the dogs.....

There is no compelling 'need' for a pet. You can get by fine without one. People get pets for companionship, but pets require love and care: they can't pull their own way economically, dog houses and vet visits and dog food all cost money. Proper care for a pet takes some selfishness.....

When I was very little, we had a poodle, and my mother's parents had a poodle. Our poodle wasn't a girly little Paris Hilton kind of dog, she was a frog-catching, bird-eating, dirt-digging little tomboy. My grandparents' poodle was the opposite of a toy poodle, she was built bigger than a cocker spaniel. And she was this weird blue-gray color. An unusual dog.....

When I was very very young, I can recall my parents and grandparents (people who didn't have a lot of disposable income) taking the dogs to the vet… and having their hair put up in bows. And getting their little painted. Doggie pedicures.....

Doggie pedicures are not an obvious example of sympathy for others, but the whole idea of spending extra money to 'make the dog look pretty' or for self-enjoyment (these were not show dogs by any means), is just, well, not who my mother and grandparents have been the past 25+ years of my life. That would be described as silly, wasteful, immature, and just plain stupid.....

I have no doubt about the amount of ridicule and derision anyone would receive from my mother (or her parents before they passed) for painting a dog's toenails. You'd have to be an absolute idiot to do that kind of thing…....

Not coincidentally, the dogs both passed away around 25 – 30 years ago, and were not replaced.....

Looking back, I really think animals have a way humanizing people, maybe in a way people can't. They're 'lesser' than people, they love us unconditionally, they ask very little of us and are happy for what they get. They are amazingly appreciative of us, loyal. Maybe some people trust an animal's loyalty more than a person's. Dogs don't scheme against you, double cross you, lie to you…....

All of this was swirling around in my head while the news was going nuts over the Arkansas mayor that had dogs taken from the animal shelter and let go in a national park.....

We domesticated dogs. We've bred the wild instincts out of them to some degree. I think a dog stands as much a chance of surviving in the woods as does a 5 or 6 year old child. Finding shelter, food, water, defending themselves against the many dangers in the woods, from branch scrapes and bugs to snakes and wild predators.....

I think maybe this guy was completely ignorant and thought a dog could fend for itself in the wild…but we're talking about dogs that have been raised in captivity and taken care of their whole lives. They just don't have the skills.....

I heard an argument about how the dogs would be scared and confused and wondering why they'd been left alone in the woods, and the counter argument that dogs are animals, and animals don't have emotions or any kind of conscious thought or self awareness, we just assign emotions to their actions. They think 'I'm hungry' not 'What happened to owner? When is owner coming to get me?'....

I don't think you can back that argument up, though. And the one thing I thought of that had to be proof of dogs having emotions and some kind of self awareness is grief. If you've ever seen a dog grieve, you know it can't be written off as normal animal behavior devoid of emotion. Dogs really do grieve the loss of a dog they've lived with for years, and they grieve the death of a human family member as well. Dogs, much like small children, will look for the loved one, and show a decrease in appetite and willingness to play…in short: depression.....

And you can't have depression without emotion. I don't think you can grief without love. Sure, it might not be the same affection and devotion a human can feel, but I think it is real nonetheless. Many reports exist of pets who have been unwilling to leave a dead owner in the woods, refuse to leave them alone. Even typing this, spell/grammar check flagged me for using 'who' with 'pets', insisting it isn't 'pets who', it's 'pets that'….people 'who', things 'that'.....

I believe they're probably a lot closer to people than they are to things. We hear people mortified all the time that the law largely views animals as possessions, like a stereo or a piece of jewelry or a jacket. The animal's loss is worth whatever was paid for it or whatever it cost to replace it, nothing more. But I think their ability to bring out the best in humanity can't possibly be covered by the replacement value.....

.. ..

A side note, pet –related:....

The Ex has a dog he got from the pound a few years ago. I think it's been good for the Ninja to be around the dog, since the Ninja is a little afraid of dogs in general and this wasn't a dainty calm dog, this is a jumpy rowdy barky dog.....

I mentioned the dog in a passing conversation with the Ex, and he said to me, uh, yeah, you might not want to bring up the dog in anymore conversations with the Ninja, since I have the distinct feeling he's about to 'run away'…he just sheds and shits in the house way too much…....

I rolled my eyes when I was walking away and had my sunglasses on: what an asshole. He isn't mature enough to be a dog owner. The companionship and love this dog has given him really doesn't mean anything. He'll dump him on some country road, or worse, shoot him in the head. Knowing him, I would believe he could easily do either, simply because he's tired of the dog. Like a child tired of a favorite toy, willing to throw it away without any thought.....

Sigh.....

I brought a child into the world with this guy. I see this as being the latest justification that I have always been right to question his ability to care for a child. When they stop being fun, when they're loud or rude or disobedient or messy…he really isn't mature or selfless enough to take care of another human being.....

The Ninja has spending a couple of nights a month at his dad's house since about Thanksgiving. It's gone well overall. But it isn't very child-and-parent like. The Ninja and Ex sleep in sleeping bags in the living room, like a sleepover, and the Ninja frequently comes home without having bathed or brushed his teeth. But those are small things, things that aren't going to hurt the Ninja really. As long as he's happy with staying the night at dad's, I don't care if dad is acting more like a kid than a parent. That really isn't important as long as the Ninja is happy.....

http://www.cnn.com/video//video/bestoftv/2008/06/26/ac.360.shot.wednesday.cnn?iref=videosearch

1. Stupid chick makes video spinning atop escalator rails, puts it on YouTube.

2. More stupid Anderson Cooper 360 producer decides to try it, puts it on CNN Video.

This was days ago. I emailed CNN about how they could be so utterly irresponsible, juvinille...did I mention stupid?? Really really stupid.

They haven't responded, and the video is still on their site.

Next: CNN endorses jumping off the roof into the backyard pool, and 'surfing' on top of a speeding car.

Apparently CNN has pledged at a frat.

http://www.cbs46.com/news/16767134/detail.html

In the today...16 year old makes a video and posts to YouTube, placing a baby (a living human baby) on some inflatible thing, then jumping on the end, 'lauching' the baby several feet, landing on the floor and crying.

YouTube has removed the video.

How the hell do you even start to punish this kid???? Or the parents that produced this kid and allowed them to be left alone with a baby???

I have a headache.

check it out:

http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1818313,00.html

Wow - I am SUPER impressed with Obama's recent speech where he referenced numerous
bible passages... including a nice jibe that the Dept. of Defense wouldn't survive
if the Sermon on the Mount guided public policy (turn the other cheek). Very nice;
never had to say anything about backwards bible-thumpers or put down his own religion,
just made the point that the nation can't be steered by the bible alone, and
that while it's a valuable book, it certainly has some questionable content.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/06/24/evangelical.vote/index.html



I seriously started to scan this in, but you'll just have to believe I'm
not making it up. Having a kid, I can tell you that churches are now trying to compete
with Cartoon Network and Nintendo to get kids into vacation bible school. No longer
do you have vacation bible schools where kids glue macaroni onto construction paper
while they hear about the many ways to hell; now they glue macaroni to construction
paper and hear about how Jesus was like an Olympic athlete in between the petting
zoo and face painting.
Not. Kidding.
Now I don't fault churches for trying to apply marketing techniques, trying 
to make their programs relevant to kids today and fun instead of fire-and-brimstone
revivals. Doing so without losing all focus and dignity is a little tricky, but 
hey, God luv 'em for trying. It beats teaching kids the 'if I should die
before I wake' prayer. (Always thought that was morbid.)
BUT. You can take anything into self-parody. And so, I offer for your considerarion:
a local church is running ads in the state paper about their vacation bible school,
with the theme.... SonWorld Adventure Park, including a roller-coaster graphic.
Not paraphrasing here. I do think a ferris wheel to heaven would've been a better
choice than the roller-coaster, though.
The ad states (NOT making this up): 'SonWorld Adventure Park is where kids will
discover that choosing Jesus is the ticket to the best ride of their lives'.
Apparently there's a church in town that was a little jealous another church
is being called Six Flags Over Jesus.
No word yet on whether they are replacing the baptismal with a log ride, or when
the sleeveless summer choir robes will be in. :)
I swear, that last sentence is the only thing not factual (I really wasn't trying
to be pun-ny with 'I swear', it just slipped in somehow).

LOL!!!!

After a HUGE absence, I'm back.

I noticed the last post I made was Mar. 25, or 90 days ago. Sorry. I went out to get the mail and just wandered off...

Seriously though. An ultra-quick recap: I was laid off from BigCorp in early April, managed to get the Ninja through the 2nd grade after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, had major 'puter problems (I was probably more bummed out that I had to give the laptop back than I was over losing my job), the extended family has continued to sink into new depths of disfunctionality, and I continue to work on the two book contracts (albeit very very little) and I'm trying to get a proposal together for another book.

The ultra-ultra-quick recap: I've been in introspection mode, really examining where I am in life, how I got here, where I want to go from here. Been moderately withdrawn and depressed over the excelerated deterioriation of my extended family. The Ninja is doing well, though, which makes everything else much more tolerable.

I will do a more in-depth recap soon (with all the gory family details). And I'll try not to wander off for 3 months again.

I hope you're doing well and I can catch up on all that is going on with you soon.

Barak Obama has caused lots of journalists to get giddy reporting on his ’typical white person’ comments:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2008/03/21/2008-03-21_barack_obama_tries_to_explain_that_good_.html

One thought came to mind while reading Obama’s comments: when you find yourself in a hole, quit digging. While I appreciate that he was trying to clarify himself (and stop all the talk about him TWP comment), I don’t think he accomplished what he wanted and just added fuel to the fire.

Quite honestly, after reading his clarifying remarks, I don’t know what he was originally trying to say or if he’s trying to clarify or madly scramble away from something he shouldn’t have admitted he believed.

Hilary Clinton is also all over the news for a ’misstatement’ about a trip to Bosnia she made while her husband was in office:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/03/25/campaign.wrap/index.html

Twice she has described landing under sniper fire and rushing from the plane (as part of her descriptions of her foreign policy experience). Turns out that video of that trip shows it ain’t so. Clinton tried the opposite of Obama: instead of talking at length and making matters worse, she just said she misspoke and dropped it. But that didn’t work for her in my opinion. If she’d said it happened on a Thursday and really it was Monday, that’s a misstatement. Saying you were fired on by snipers when really you had a pleasant meet-and-greet on the runway isn’t a misstatement. If in fact it was a misstatement (perhaps she was remembering another trip and not the ’96 Bosnia trip) then she needs to clarify that. If not, then don’t try to get away with saying you misspoke if you made it. Plead ’false memory syndrome’ instead of saying you misspoke; it’s more believable.

If all this isn’t enough fun for you, have a try at the Time’s Democratic Party Candidates’ MadLibs:

http://www.time-blog.com/swampland/2008/03/democratic_primary_madlib.htmlmore

A columnist in the state paper defended his calling Senator Clinton ’Miss Hilary’. I don’t really read this columnist all that often, but I have to admit morbid curiosity at how he thought he could possibly justify that. His explanation is that he doesn’t just write about her but consider her a personal acquaintance, and that Back In The Day if you were on personal terms with someone so that it felt awkward to call them ’Senator Clinton’, you referred to them with Miss or Mr. and their first name. So rather than call your friend Dr. Smith, you referred to him as Mr. Tom.

I am vaguely aware of this custom, which I thought passed away shortly after the making of ’Driving Miss Daisy’, if not sooner. I have no doubt that the columnist is on familiar terms with Clinton, but to call her Miss Hilary in the paper seems quite insulting. Friend or not, she deserves to be called by her official title in the press. Plenty of journalists refer to her as just Hilary, since calling her Clinton may confuse the reader as to which one is being discussed. That’s why they should just call her Senator Clinton: that’s her title, fair and square, it avoids insulting her by referring to her on a first name basis when other candidates are addressed more formally, and it just seems like plain old common sense. She deserves as mush respect as anyone else in politics, no more and no less.