Holding onto remnants of an unlikely redemption. We dance to the dischordant tune of resentment and remorse. I fail to see the distance that glazes your eyes Call it hopeful thinking. Surrounded by the droning of persistent background chatter. I fail to make out any distinctive verbal chain. I'm too busy trying to make sense of the words behind your words. I was thinking that one day it'd be better possibly. Call it hopeful thinking. And I was indisposable until I was obsolete. I always thought that maybe you'd see me differently. And every single time I make an effort, or gesture, Only ends in my admission of failure. But you know me well, you know that I have hardly given up. Call it hopeful thinking, and call me when you finally realize just how much you still mean.

This is just a quick update, and (OMG) I'm on my laptop!

Josh and I had to go to 7-11 to get something for like gas bloating because I've been burping nonstop all day.  It's raining out, so I had my hood on, naturally.  Josh and I are looking where the meds are and the cashier told me to take off my hood.  I asked why, and this VCU sow got you're typical I'm a cop and therefore better than you attitude.  She told me, "Because she said so."  I stared at her, and took my hood off.  The cashier explained why; the cameras can't see me.

See, I get profiled.  Go to my mobile pictures album and look at the one titled "Hoodlum?"  That's what I looked like at 7-11, except I had my messenger bag on.  Actually, here it is.



So we go up to the counter to check out, and Josh thanks the cashier for explaining, and comments that the lack of explanation was rude and unessescary as he locked in eye contact with the cop.

We go into Josh's office in VCU, and out the window we see more cops at the 7-11.  Think they were waiting for us?'

Richmond VCU area has become so fucking fascist and I think it's time that somebody tried to reform that motherfucker.  When cops do nothing except deal with snotty, indignant, and ignorant students, they start to treat everyone that looks that way badly.  I will not be profiled, and if I ever got arrested soley because I stood up for myself, then I will own that fucking department because they won't have enough money to pay me when I drag them to VA state court.

Anyway, I got to try and get rid of these burps.  Later.

(and we will fall back into the ocean)

the mountain tops are hard to see
they tell how far you really are from me
the clouds are thick, but they can't hide you
they can't hide you from me
some things are here to kill me
can you feel it now,
we're burning up
amongst your flames
amongst your love
our life (i am in the earth it's where you'll find me
you, you're in the sky
it's where you'll find me)

you, you're like the sun
and i am earth
together we're one
but someday
your fire will die
and i'll grow cold
without sunlight.
and i will freeze baby
i will die
i would freeze and i'd die for you

one thing I know you didn't know, was how to
fall head first,
hand-in-hand into the ocean blue
we count down,
take a breath and jump,
we're falling
you'll scream, "baby, we're simply growing"
(you're in the sky)
i think maybe, i wouldn't mind to die like this

i may not say everything that's on my mind
i am in the earth, it's where you'll find me
you're in the sky
fall from you

don't fret, baby, we're simply growing
and my darling, i wouldn't mind to die like this
don't fret, baby, we're simply growing.
don't fret, babe, the sun is coming

So here it is, 2 AM, and I'm still awake writing a blog.  It's weird since I've been up since 8.  I'm feeling kind of tired, but I don't know if I could go to sleep.  I want to get sleep, but I don't really think that's happening tonight.  The whole lack of sleep thing is making me kind of loopy.

On the plus side, I cleaned today.  I sorted through all of the clothes on the floor (which is a FUCK ton) and Patrick helped me.  It was great.  Shit got done.

Reality unwinds as fabrics of time shift
The knowledge is based on pure assumption
Sit and stare into the void
Figure out something profound
Beings come and go
Are we ready for ascension?
Do we really believe that we are enlightened?
When nothing but a glimpse into the unknown
Violent awakenings from acts of hate
Know not of what this world is
Freely wonder and dream to aspire
For one day your time will come
Yearn for a higher consciousness
Achieve the next plane
If you can

(and I realized just now at 12 noon that I hadn't sent it...  see how tired I was?)

Negativland - Favorite Things

This shit is funny.  Pay close attention.  Negativland is the shit.  They do some other shit that I really like, including Casey Kasem swearing up a storm about U2 and other things.  They got sued over that one... twice I think.  Anyway, check it out.

Reflections on Time Spent
By CJ Duffy

Dreamful memories transpire
Throw my heart down in the fire
Typically ignored and lost
Will my heart thaw from the frost?
Wake from mournful summer's dream
Sudden outcry primal scream
Loss of feeling, pain persists
Longful nagging still insists
No one listens to my word
Think that I mean things absurd
Days of past ring fond and clear
It won't change the future's here
Learn to live inside the now
When it all comes, you'll know how
Abstaining from senseless hate
Leaving my love up to fate
Forty nights long gone and yet
I live without fear and regret
Clouds of smoke fill up the room
Forewarn of impending doom
I do not claim to have found
Answers still are tightly bound
Tarot cards are saying sooth
Which to say I seek the truth

1. Never take anything for granted.  In the blink of an eye, it could be gone.
2. Always love wholeheartedly.  Don't let trivial shit interfere with the one you love.
3. It's never over unless you die.  Life gives you many chances.
4. Don't rely on anybody except yourself.  You're the ONLY one who will always be there for you.
5. Never give up.  Don't ever stop trying.

There will be more things to come.  These are just the ones I can think of right now.  Have a good night.

Today is the anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death.  In honor of his life, I am posting lyrics to "All Apologies".  Enjoy.


What else should I be
All apologies
What else could I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don’t have the right
What else should I be
All Apologies

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
Married
Buried

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I’ll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezer burn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
Married
Buried
Married
Buried

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

All in all is all we are (x20)