Mourn for your lost souls left wanting in the dark, for there are perils far worse ahead. For about two weeks, I have taken in a couple who are friends of mine while they searched for better living conditions than from whence they came. Yesterday, they made the decision to head up to MA, where one of them moved from to down here. After two months of struggling to make it in this shithole, they found a place where everything will work out. They depart two weeks hence. So until then, we'll be hanging around. I've had fun thus far, taking a trip up to DC, and the like. When they are gone, they will be missed, but I'm sure I'll see them in the future. I actually want to take a trip up there in the summer. After their departure, I'll be living on my own again, and I have mixed feelings about that. It'll be a lot less interesting around here, for sure. Other than that, there isn't much more to say. I'm dealing with a lot of inner turmoil due to some comments. I've run out of space, so more later.

I'm taking a break from myspace, facebook, and IM. If you have other ways of contacting me, u can. Otherwise, catch ya when I come back.

For what it's worth, I have always wanted to make your pain go away
For what it's worth, I used to want to give you the world
For what it's worth, I would still help you out regardless
For what it's worth, for some reason I can never stop caring
Because for what it's worth, I motherfucking tried...


Goodnight MySpace bitches.

I don't see what I can do
Yet again I fall and hit the ground
Disturbed by just how things go wrong
Misunderstood and underestimated
Never believed me, never took stock in what I said
I turned away, barely leaving a wake
Remorse engulfing, endurance keeps me strong
I watch you fade into the horizon
The sun setting as I close my eyes
I look again, and there is no trace
I wave goodbye to thin air, and again hit ground
In my so-called "home," I find traces of memories
Packed away and transported here
If I knew that it would end like this
I'd have fucking burned everything
So my release is my use of my native tongue
I raise my shields so nobody sees this pain
But I'm not fooling anyone, my heart's on my sleeve
I pour myself completely into everything
And where has it gotten me so far?
When you see everyone as a potential for pain
You can tell it's become too late
So go ahead and hold your grudge
And I'll be holding mine
But I can put the past aside
If you become ready, let me know
For now, I'm moving forward
These are the last words I waste
On the pain I feel from you
Don't expect me to wait forever
Because I have to move on sometime
One day you might just realize
You've come around too late
And if it happens, I sure hope he's enough
To keep you going through darkest days
I won't hold my breath, but I'll hope for the best
And if all else fails, I'll see you in my memories
Such a long time spent, I'll never forget
But, despite your decision, don't expect me to say goodbye

Does time really make it alright?
Is all of this really worth a fucking fight?
Do I really want to hurt myself more?
Should I stick to things I know for sure?
I try to keep my chin up high.
I tell myself to never cry.
Look into my eyes and see the pain.
Like being stuck in a fucking December rain.
I'll tear my sleeve off from my shirt
So the heart attached won't fucking hurt.
Am I supposed to tough this out?
What the FUCK is all this pain really about?
Twenty-two years riddled with despair
You'd think by now, I wouldn't fucking care.
Why the fuck DO I care?

Pretty misleading title, eh?  Well, if any of you thought I was invincible, you don't know me too well.

So fuck you, and your untouchable face...

Holding onto remnants of an unlikely redemption. We dance to the dischordant tune of resentment and remorse. I fail to see the distance that glazes your eyes Call it hopeful thinking. Surrounded by the droning of persistent background chatter. I fail to make out any distinctive verbal chain. I'm too busy trying to make sense of the words behind your words. I was thinking that one day it'd be better possibly. Call it hopeful thinking. And I was indisposable until I was obsolete. I always thought that maybe you'd see me differently. And every single time I make an effort, or gesture, Only ends in my admission of failure. But you know me well, you know that I have hardly given up. Call it hopeful thinking, and call me when you finally realize just how much you still mean.

This is just a quick update, and (OMG) I'm on my laptop!

Josh and I had to go to 7-11 to get something for like gas bloating because I've been burping nonstop all day.  It's raining out, so I had my hood on, naturally.  Josh and I are looking where the meds are and the cashier told me to take off my hood.  I asked why, and this VCU sow got you're typical I'm a cop and therefore better than you attitude.  She told me, "Because she said so."  I stared at her, and took my hood off.  The cashier explained why; the cameras can't see me.

See, I get profiled.  Go to my mobile pictures album and look at the one titled "Hoodlum?"  That's what I looked like at 7-11, except I had my messenger bag on.  Actually, here it is.



So we go up to the counter to check out, and Josh thanks the cashier for explaining, and comments that the lack of explanation was rude and unessescary as he locked in eye contact with the cop.

We go into Josh's office in VCU, and out the window we see more cops at the 7-11.  Think they were waiting for us?'

Richmond VCU area has become so fucking fascist and I think it's time that somebody tried to reform that motherfucker.  When cops do nothing except deal with snotty, indignant, and ignorant students, they start to treat everyone that looks that way badly.  I will not be profiled, and if I ever got arrested soley because I stood up for myself, then I will own that fucking department because they won't have enough money to pay me when I drag them to VA state court.

Anyway, I got to try and get rid of these burps.  Later.

So if it didn't seem like I was obsessed with my new phone before, I'm writing this blog on it. It's not hard. It's got a 4 row QWERTY keyboard. Of course, the buttons are a bit small, but you get used to it pretty quickly. The only problem, I just found out, is you can't skip lines. So if I write something on here, it pretty much has to be about one idea, or else I'd be writing this big long run on paragraph. So I guess I won't write what I was going to, because I'd need a few paragraphs. I'll update later, I guess.

"I saw a setting sun.  He was tired and bored with my laments.  Said I'd die for you one time, but never again..."
-Brand New "Limousine"

So everyone from Josh to Malik in the tobacco store is telling me I look a lot better, like happier and healthier.  I don't get it.  Malik said it looked like I had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  I haven't really noticed much of a difference.  I just feel... I dunno, independent?

Matt and Renon have been staying over a lot lately.  It's like they practically live here.  And I practically live at Josh's.  So it's crazy.

Patrick's coming by shortly.

I look very punk rock today.  I did it out of boredom.  I'll post the pics after I charge my camera.  I think they're pretty cool.  I'm sure people don't get the whole new look every day thing.  I mean, sometimes I just get the urge to dress a certain way.  It's fun, like every day's Halloween, except I'm just dressing in normal "clique" styles instead of ghosts and witches.  I mean, I have enough clothing to be able to come up with some really cool outfits.  This way, nobody can decipher what "scene" I'm in.  They'll be like, "I don't get it.  I saw him last week and he looked kinda preppy, and today he looks really goth."  I love it.

So I have like a ton of movies to watch.  I also have like a crazy ton of stuff recorded on my DVR.  I tried watching some of it today, but it was only playing in like one little corner.  Hopefully it'll work later.

I've been getting the increasing urge to record some music, but everytime I think about it, I'm either out, or I have something going on.  I probably won't have much time to myself until Friday or Saturday, so hopefully by then I'm in the mood still.  I need to start throwing down some more tracks.  I also need to get a bass guitar seeing as the one I was using was Michael's.  I didn't see him use it once the whole time we lived together, lol.

Ugh, time to take some cough medicine and walk the muttski.

Oh, and why the fuck is everyone so scared of Obama turning us into a socialist nation?  Honestly, it's never going to happen, even if he TRIED.  See, I don't know if everyone learned this, but in like... 4th grade I learned all about checks and balances.  Yeah...  I'm not explaining it, so if you don't know what that is, look it up.  (I'd hope you DO know what it is...)  Honestly, it's all just because he wants universal healthcare and the like.  The whole universal healthcare = socialist thing is SO old.  Why don't you go buy a rifle and beat your slaves while you're at it?  FUCK!

I am SO going to Europe...

Peace, I'm outtie.