FRIDAY MARCH 13, 2009 9:00 PM!!!!












This show is for ages 18 and up!

This is a short little film some Dutch folks did on my situation with the F.B.I.

DECEMBER 20:
BAH HUMBUG! CHRISTMAS KARAOKE PARTY emceed by SILKY SNOWFLAKE
and PHOTOS WITH A**HOLE SANTA AND ELVES (6PM-10PM)





A**HOLE SANTA WITH THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL


Everything sordid and just plain wrong about the Christmas season expels itself one single consumerist orgy of debauchery and lascivious anarchy. Invite your creepy uncle that's on work release for the holidays and stuff coal in the stocking of everything good and decent about traditional Christmas cheer.

So come enjoy the fetid combo-smell of malt liquor, cheap cigars, and even cheaper cologne by getting your picture taken with A**hole Santa and his surly elves. Photos are free, but we will be taking donations for the Friends of Cats and Dogs. The A**hole benefit at Criminal Records was huge this year so don't let Birmingham always be the dinky, bastard step-child of the ATL. Let's show those traffic-crazed goons who has true Christmas spirit--I meant who has less true Christmas spirit. Wait. I'm confused. Anyway, come out. See Flickr or our Myspace page for some of the sample photos.

SAT. DECEMBER 6:

DEERHUNTER / TIMES NEW VIKING / HOLLOW STARS

DEERHUNTER "CALVARY SCARS"




Much hailed by almost every blog in the universe, Deerhunter completely fulfill an ambition of fusing the lulling hypnotic states induced by ambient and minimalist music with the klang and propulsion of garage rock. We are absolutelty ecstatic to have them play Bottletree. Columbus, Ohio's New Times Viking is a much anticipated band sign to Matador. Their latest album has received glorious praise, especially in the U.K. PLEASE GET YOUR TICKETS SOON! This show is for ages 18+. Tickets are $12 in advance and $14 on the day of the show.

Below is my working Halloween playlist for Bottletree. Is there anything really obvious or good that I missed? I'd really appreciate your help. Hopefully, we'll be bustin' out the bells of hell all week! Crap. I just realized I have zero Alice Copper on here. Oh well, that's why I'm asking for your help I guess. Oh yeah, I know there is an infinite amount of metal that I could use, but I'm trying to be pretty selective about that. Thanks so much.



Bela Lugosi's Dead 9:34 Bauhaus Left of the Dial AlternRock 2004




This Is Halloween 3:17 The Citizens of Halloween Nightmare Before Christmas (Special Edition) Soundtrack 2006



Thriller 5:58 Michael Jackson Thriller Pop 2001



Suspiria 6:04 Goblin Suspira (Anchor Bay Limited Edition CD) Soundtrack



The Witch 2:45 The Sonics Maintaining My Cool Rock 1966



I Put a Spell On You 3:31 Screamin' Jay Hawkins Halloween Rock 2008..


Monster Mash 3:12 Bobby "Boris" Pickett & The Crypt-Kickers The Original Monster Mash Pop 1994



Psychotic Reaction 3:08 Count Five Love Is The Song We Sing (Disc 2) Rock 1966



The Munsters (Theme from the Munsters) 0:45 Soundtrack & Theme Orchestra TV Themes: Comedy Soundtrack 2008



The Twilight Zone 2:36 The Ventures The Ventures Play Telstar - The Lonely Bull and Others/(The) Ventures in Space Rock 1992



Pet Sematary 3:31 The Ramones Hey Ho Lets Go - Greatest Hits (Remastered) Rock 2008



Ghostbusters 3:59 Ray Parker Jr Greatest Hits Pop 1993



Goo Goo Muck 3:07 Cramps Goo Goo Muck / The Crusher



Devil Song 1:59 Camper Van Beethoven Our Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart



Helter Skelter 4:30 The Beatles The Beatles (disc 2) Rock



Psycho Killer 4:20 Talking Heads Once In A Lifetime (Disc 1) Alternative & Punk 1977



The Number Of The Beast 4:52 Iron Maiden The Number Of The Beast Metal 1982



04Gonna Raise Hell 9:21 Cheap Trick Dream Police Rock 1979



Weird Science 6:07 Oingo Boingo Best O' Boingo Rock 1992



Careful With That Axe, Eugene 8:51 Pink Floyd Ummagumma (Disc 1) Rock 1969



South Of Heaven 4:59 Slayer South Of Heaven Metal 1988



See No Evil 3:54 Television Marquee Moon Alternative & Punk 1977



Satan Is Real 3:01 The Louvin Brothers Tragic Songs Of Life/Satan Is Real Country



Highway To Hell 3:28 AC/DC Highway To Hell Rock 1979



Werewolves of London 3:26 Warren Zevon A Quiet Normal Life - The Best of Warren Zevon Rock 1987



Skulls 2:01 The Misfits Walk Among Us Alternative & Punk 1982



Worms 1:05 The Pogues If I Should Fall From Grace With God [Bonus Tracks] Alternative & Punk 1988



I Walked With a Zombie 2:42 Roky Erickson and The Aliens Halloween a Go-Go Rock



Bark At The Moon 4:17 Ozzy Osbourne The Ozzman Cometh Metal 1983



Evil Hearted You 2:37 Pixies Complete 'B' Sides [UK] Alternative & Punk



In The Beginning 1:14 Mötley Crüe Shout At The Devil Metal 1983



Shout At The Devil 3:15 Mötley Crüe Shout At The Devil Metal 1983



Lucifer Sam 3:08 Pink Floyd The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn Rock 1967



Runnin' With The Devil 3:36 Van Halen Van Halen Rock 1978



Devil Woman 2:53 Marty Robbins Columbia Country Classics: The Nashville Sound, Vol.
4 Country 1962



Time Warp 3:30 The Rocky Horror Show Original Cast Let's Do the Time Warp Again! Soundtrack 2006



Evil Hearted You 2:26 The Yardbirds Shapes of Things - The Very Best of the Yardbirds Rock 2006



Graveyard Woman 2:07 The Woggles The Zontar Sessions Alternative 1994



Out Of Limits 2:15 The Ventures The Ventures Play Telstar-The Lonely Bull And... Rock 1964



17Little Demon 2:25 Screamin' Jay Hawkins The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story 1949-1957 (Disc 3) R&B



Psycho 2:19 The Sonics Maintaining My Cool Rock 1966



The Purple People Eater 2:14 Sheb Wooley The 50's - A Decade to Remember: Great Balls of Fire (Re-Recorded Versions) Rock 2002



Evil Ways 3:58 Santana Love Is The Song We Sing (Disc 4) Rock 1968



Rock Lobster 6:51 The B-52's The B-52's Rock 1979



Halloween Theme 2:23 John Carpenter Halloween: 20th Anniversary Edition (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) Soundtrack 1998



Casper the Friendly Ghost 1:23 Original Cartoon Cast Casper, the Friendly Ghost Music 2007



London Dungeon 2:34 The Misfits The Misfits Classic Rock 1986



Two Headed Sex Change 2:52 Cramps Look Mom No Head! Alternative & Punk



Bad Moon Rising 2:20 Creedence Clearwater Revival Chronicle: 20 Greatest Hits Rock 2006



Rockin' In The Graveyard 2:40 Jackie Morningstar Rockin' Bones: 1950s Punk & Rockabilly (Disc 1) Rock 1959



I Turned Into a Martian 1:44 The Misfits Collection Rock 1986
Whistlin'past The Graveyard 3:18 Tom Waits Blue Valentine Rock 1978



Night of the Living Dead 1:59 The Misfits Walk Among Us Alternative & Punk 1982



The Fly 2:05 The Mummies Peel Sessions Garage Punk



The House on the Hill 2:38 Mummies Death by Unga Bunga!! Alternative & Punk 1992

Transylvania Twist 1:35 Bobby "Boris" Pickett & The Crypt-Kickers The Original Monster Mash Pop 1994



The Adams Family 1:27 New London Philarmonic Orchestra Great Movie Themes, Vol.
6 Soundtrack 2007



Teenagers from Mars 2:43 The Misfits Collection Rock 1986



I'm Supposed to Be a Witch 3:51 Original Cartoon Cast Casper, the Friendly Ghost Music 2007



Oogie Boogie's Song 3:17 Chorus - Nightmare Before Christmas, Ed Ivory, Ken Page & Oogie Boogie Nightmare Before Christmas (Special Edition) Soundtrack 2006



Ghosts On The Road 2:52 Guadalcanal Diary Walking in the Shadow of the Big Man rock 1985



Frankenstein 4:44 Edgar Winter They Only Come Out At Night Pop 1988



Human Fly 2:15 The Cramps No Thanks! The '70s Punk Rebellion Alternative & Punk 1979



Bikini Girls With Machine Guns 3:18 Cramps Stay Sick Alternative & Punk 1990



Hayride To Hell 3:17 Hoodoo Gurus Mars Needs Guitars! Alternative & Punk 1985



Evil Hoodoo 5:20 The Seeds The Seeds Rock 2001



Haunted House 2:34 Gene Simmons 100 Novelty 45's: Disc 4 Novelty



Cemetry Gates 2:41 The Smiths The Queen Is Dead 1986



Mr.
Crowley 4:57 Ozzy Osbourne Blizzard Of Ozz Metal 1980



Little Ghost 2:19 The White Stripes Get Behind Me Satan Blues 2005



Ghostriders In The Sky (Alternate Version 88) 2:07 R.E.M.
Funtime



Spirits In The Material World 2:59 The Police Ghost In The Machine Rock 1981



Ghost On The Highway 2:46 The Gun Club Fire Of Love Alt Rock 1981



Friendly Ghost 3:23 Eels Souljacker Alternative & Punk 2001



Ghost Song 2:16 Air The Virgin Suicides Electronica/Dance 2000



My Evil Twin 2:36 They Might Be Giants Apollo 18 Alternative 2005



Handsome devil 2:46 The Smiths Hatful of Hollow 1984



2 Minutes To Midnight 6:01 Iron Maiden The Essential Iron Maiden [Disc 2] Metal 1984



Devil Got My Woman 3:01 Skip James Hard Time Killing Floor Blues Blues 1931



Sympathy For The Devil 6:19 The Rolling Stones Forty Licks [Disc 1] Rock 1968



Me And The Devil Blues 2:36 Robert Johnson The Complete Recordings [Disc 2] Blues 1937



The Mark Of The Devil 4:33 Pulp Countdown: 1992-1983 [Disc 2] Alternative & Punk 1986



Looks That Kill 4:08 Mötley Crüe Shout At The Devil Metal 1983



Sabbath bloody Sabbath 4:30 The cardigans Life Alternative/Indie 1996



The Bat 2:22 The Ventures The Ventures Play Telstar - The Lonely Bull and Others/(The) Ventures in Space Rock 1992



04Children of the Grave 5:18 Black Sabbath Master of Reality Rock



A Devil In The Woods 3:10 The Gun Club Miami Indie 2002



Evil Speakers 0:59 Guided By Voices Alien Lanes Alternative & Punk 1995



Iron Man 5:57 Black Sabbath Symptom Of The Universe (Disc 1) Rock



Old Devil Moon 3:57 Frank Sinatra Songs For Swingin' Lovers Easy Listening 1956



Friend of The Devil 3:22 Grateful Dead The Best Of Skeletons From The Closet Rock 1974



Necessary Evil 3:20 Edgar 'Jones' Jones Mojo Presents... The New Dictionary Of Blues And Soul R&B 2007



02The Return Of Evil Bill 2:33 Clinic Internal Wrangler Alternative & Punk 2000



Devil's Haircut 3:15 Beck Yaledo Alternative & Punk 2008



13Release the Bats 2:30 The Birthday Party Junkyard Alternative & Punk 1982



01Sabbath Bloody Sabbath 5:45 Black Sabbath Sabbath Bloody Sabbath Metal 1973



Psycho: The Murder 1:04 101 Strings Orchestra Halloween [Disc 1] Soundtrack 2007



Psychomania 4:19 The Damned The Light At The End Of The Tunnel (Disc 1) Alternative & Punk 1987



Run To The Hills 3:54 Iron Maiden The Number Of The Beast Metal 1982



01Hells Bells 5:13 AC/DC Back In Black Rock 1980



It's Halloween 2:25 The Shaggs The Shaggs rock



Halloween On The Barbary Coast 5:43 The Flaming Lips Hit To Death In The Future Head Alternative & Punk 1992



Hell Hound On My Trail 2:37 Robert Johnson King Of The Delta Blues Blues



Hotter Than Hell 3:33 Kiss Kiss Gold [Disc 1] Rock 1974



Hell 3:25 The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion Xtra-Acme USA Alternative & Punk 1999



Ghouls 2:07 Horrorpops Hell Yeah! Rock 2004



Hellraiser 5:44 Entombed Hollowman EP Metal 1993



Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be 4:14 AC/DC Let There Be Rock



Dead Man's Party 6:24 Oingo Boingo Best O' Boingo Rock 1992



Deathrider 3:06 Anthrax Metal Hammer Presents: Thrash Metal



The Three Shadows part 2 3:13 Bauhaus The Sky's Gone Out Rock 1992



Ballad Of Ed Gein 6:42 Swamp Zombies A Frenzy Of Music And Action! Rock

The day you died, a vacuum of regret in a sea that I shit out into a universe of vague predictability; it effuses into something I will never feel again. I can burn myself with patient, willing flames but it will never suffice. There is a spot that will never be hit, yet, there is a poor delight in all this. Morsels of minuscule revenge.

While you slept, I whimsically thought of killing you so many times, so many moments that I could have easily destroyed the very little that you had. But I only draw distant confusion. This is some sad literature of truth that is so failed, almost notably flawed, but commonplace.

I cannot even make this pain perfect—as much as I try. It is inescapable yet forgettable, forgetful. Taunt like a noose and other pathetic analogies. Such a deformity is this silence. Let me scheme of ways to revive nothing, nothing at all I guess.

I stand in a room full of 500 people starring at you like life is all quaint fucking metaphors. A generic desecration of memory. Actually, that is all I have, a telephone to the dead, a surgical wastebasket, a stillborn dream. Pails of cheer have become stains.

You kept all the pictures of your pregnancy, and then a final picture of a small brown figure halfway through the album, and then, empty pages—fathomless white pages with faded golden, sticky glue. A single shot of a mangled, breathless device. Such a sad little stray. Such a safe little stray.

May I bury you in a wall to haunt me until the day I die? May I deposit you wrapped in a tiny blanket past the slat-board into the darkness that is all you will ever know? I promise I will keep your secret safe.

But let us not now feel mercy for this peculiar disease, because I suppose it is far too late, well, I know it is. I had to have known this was coming, such impossible but existent plot. I guess what I'm trying to say is, "I confess." I flick this notion into a grave of regret, an actual grave.

Please for the love of your own personal god or gods, don't go see What We Do is Secret, the bio pic on the short, purposely tragic life of Germs singer Darby Crash. I saw it Sunday at the Ritz in Philly and was soul-sucked by the half-baked massacre of actor Shane West's (of ER shittiness) portrayal of Crash. The Germs only have meant much to me in my later years as a jaded old fuck trying to rewrite my record collection--I wasn't cool enough to have heard of them when I was a teenager. I was too busy thinking I had explored the entire world of "PUNK" with fashionable English bands like Generation X, The Sex Pistols, and the Clash, or even worse, bad U.K. hardcore like the Exploited or G.B.H.

Anyway, I won't wax punkly poetic about the Germs—Darby Crash did enough of that himself when he still held breath in his lungs. I could give gushy descriptions of his cult of personal nihilism and the like, but I won't. It would serve me only as a clodhopping hindsighter who latches on and puts more gravity on things like, for example, a band that never even really left L.A. Anyway, I like the band, a lot, no big whoop.

So it goes without saying, I would have mild expectations for any film that would take on such subject matter, but this pseudo-documentary of Crash's life plays like one of the weaker ABC After School Specials (they should have gotten one of the Jonas Brothers to star in the film). I exaggerate not, you never get any sense of the preciosity of Crash's worldview nor do you get any inkling of the most sub-atomic whiff of authentic show performance or even merely a single psychotically driven gesture. It is, unequivocally, the least earnest attempt at a rock bio ever filmed. Give me Gary Busse as Buddy Holly or Lou Diamond Phillips as Richie Valens or even Prince as Prince over this festering mound of far-flung celluloid crap balls.

What We Do is Secret never fastens together a single piece of a truly believable, remotely potent band-like moment and the guy who plays Pat Smear could be an Asberger-inclined, Hispanic Pauly Shore. To call this feature length chuff powder something as diplomatic as "scrappy" would be like saying a special Olympic shot putter should win a Noble Prize for his enthusiastic drooling. This is a movie of fake vomit and rubber needles, and if you're a fan of that, then you'll probably pants-splittingly adore this wank stain of a distressingly disingenuous and entirely misrepresented flashpoint in West Coast punk rock.

I still can't decide what is more painful, the dramatic recreations or the fake 20/20-style interview footage. It all makes a VH1 Behind the Music appear to be properly presented Shakespeare in-the-round. Jesus Christ, did Roger Grossman (the filmmaker) never see The Decline of Western Civilization? My friend Henry and I walked out on Garden State when that pile of donkey doo played in the theater at an Atlanta multi-mega-plex, and I still occasionally do skip out on a movie that has an unavoidably lame trajectory, but, for some childish hope, I kept watching What We Do Is Secret to its repulsive, amateurish, ham-fistedly inevitable conclusion. Trying to tie in the pathos of John Lennon's assassination, the film ends with Smear watching the news broadcast of the killing when he receives the call about Crash's suicide. As I left the theater, I just kept thinking to myself how lucky Lennon was to escape life without ever seeing this film.

My friend's Jason and Tom (who work at Bottletree), along with myself, are often coming up with fictional band names who have rather inane and downright stupid singles coming out. I thought I'd put up one every once in a while. The band I came up today was: FUDGE BRICK and the single is: "WE ALL WANT TO BREAST FEED AND YO MAMMA IS THE BEST GAME IN TOWN." Feel free to add your own fictional bands and singles in the comment section of this blog.

Also, coming soon: new singles by:
Nuclear Front Butt,
Crab Claw Race,
Chaotic Good Paladin/Ranger Party,
Grassy Knoll Artifact,
Das Snowballen,
Pizza University,
Friction Biscuit,
Human Cat Nip,
Tito Plus Twenty,
Coven Mit,
Infinite Stallion,
Moth Fight Meets Mom's Peach Pie,
Sweet Mahognany,
Merlin's Mach 3 Razor,
Bread Loather,
Modie B. Slix,
Star Dry-humper,
Dude Injury,
Daddy's Little Date Raper,
Corndog Stick Darwinists
Beard Beard,
Feral Insanity,
Long Cancer Battle,
Polaroid of the Cyclops,
and Hobo Wars!

Help me. I still need a band for these singles: "IF PRANK CALLING HOMELESS PEOPLE MAKES ME A FIEND, THEN I GUESS I SHOULD STOP DOING IT."

Also, "SLEEP-WALK YOUR CRAZY, BROWN PAKISTANI ASS BACK UPSTAIRS SO I CAN SHARE MY WICCAN TESTIMONY WITH YOU!"

And, "MY SOLOFLEX PERSONAL EXERCISE MACHINE ISN'T WORTH AS MUCH AS IT WAS IN 1989."

Finally, "PLEASE TAKE THOSE DEAD PET HAMSTERS OUT OF YOUR RETARDED BROTHER'S 1ST BASEMAN'S GLOVE--WE'RE IN A FUCKING PETS SMART FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!"

Wow. Does nostalgia really move this fast? Remember when payola could still buy radio time? When bands made stupidly high budget videos? When Clear Channel was king of anything that moved? When every shitty radio station had an X or "Edge" in front of its name? When, frankly, when music absolutely sucked for near a decade? Then, bro, do I have tribute night for you. I'm tentatively calling it "The Shitty 90s" and I hope to have local bands delve through a relative dumpster of awful songs from 1993-1999.





I need help remembering some of these songs (I've tried hard to block them out) because I'm trying to come up with a list to send to local bands who want to partake in exorcising these demons. . Please help me add to the list. So get your Simpsons boxer shorts, gas attendant work shirt, and Moinca Lewinsky jokes out and let's do this!

Here is what I have so far:
FOLK IMPLOSION--NATURAL ONE
CARDIGANS--LOVE FOOL
SPACEHOG--IN THE MEANTIME
THE VERVE PIPE--FRESHMAN
TRIPPING DAISY--I GOT A GIRL
SEMISONIC- CLOSING TIME
MARCY PLAYGROUND--SEX AND CANDY
SMASH MOUTH--WALKING ON THE SUN
4 NON BLONDES--WHAT'S UP
BLINK 182--ADAM'S SON
CRASH TEST DUMMIES--MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM
DEEP BLUE SOMETHING--BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S
CUMBERSOME--SEVEN MARY THREE
JOAN OSBORNE--ONE OF US
BUTTHOLE SURFERS--PEPPER
COUNTING BLUE CARS--DISHWALLA
THE EELS--NOVOCAINE FOR THE SOUL
SISTER HAZEL--ALL FOR YOU
CHUMBAWAMBA--TUBTHUMPING
BRICK--BEN FOLDS FIVE
SHAWN MULLINS--LULLABY
EVERLAST--WHAT'S IT LIKE
CANDLEBOX--FAR BEHIND
BECK--LOSER
BLIND MELON--NO RAIN
ALIEN ANT FARM--VERSION OF SMOOTH CRIMINAL
GIN BLOSSOMS--HEY JEALOUSY
TOADIES--POSSUM KINGDOM
VERUCA SALT--SEETHER
HARVEY DANGER-FLAGPOLE SIITA'
PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES--LUMP
SPIN DOCTORS--TWO PRINCES
SUGAR RAY--FLY
NADA SURF--POPULAR
WEEZER--SWEATER SONG
FAITH NO MORE--EPIC








http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=my9zJF6fZ9I

http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=o2EE511FWsQ

PS--As a complete sidenote, I highly recommend the book "SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCK AND ROLL STAR" by the Semisonic drummer. It's a very well-written expose on how shitty it was to be a corporate slubby alt. rock radio band in the 90s.