Ok, so even though matt has some suspicions about me and the mysterious dissappearance of the toaster of, uh, mystery, he can't really prove anything one way or another and has no choice but to grant me my GLORIOUS FREEDOM!!

yes. oh yes it's true. i think perhaps i was wearing on him. or maybe he forgot what he was so frustrated about and became preoccupied with something else. whatever it was, it happened and sweet freedom was mine.

i took a moment and thought- what could i do? what should i do? and to who? but one thing remained blantantly clear- i was getting the fuck off the property. i needed to get the stink of home out of my fucking hair. ugh!

but in fact the first thing i did was hogged the phone calling all my people. sereptitiously of course. they're used to this from me- a frantic paranoid call and hurried half whispers in code. in fact, i'm sure they get calls like this all the time. and then there's those people who are just all blatant about it and nonchalant and it's like ugh. some things i just want to keep as much to myself as can possibly be helped.

but i'm digressing already. point being through a call to one i found out about an interesting art display at one of the shitty cafes downtown. hey, at least now i have somewhere to go, right? minature houses. lol

so once again serruptitiously "borrowing" an unattended moped, i struck out to the coffee house/art display/art fag lair. there was almost even a little pomp attached to my exit as when i walked through the house toward my goal someone even looked up as i passed. some shock, but then again i was in a hurry to go and decided to go easy on the hair and no makeup. there was no point in anoyance. or who knows.

point being i started my journey towards the dingy back alley where this little gem of coffeedom lay. i followed the directions and only got lost once, which is almost a miracle, and arrived in front of a slightly more dirty than necissary plate glass window proudly displaying the misnomer of "Cafe Mini". thankfully i was spared the site of a mini cooper until i was so lucky to come across one at the counter. yeah- clever.

most of the back wall was completely covered in what appeared to be convered cardboard boxes. yes, painted pretty colours, but still fancy boxes. tiny windows, furniture, little manikins abounded. actually, so did your standard lot of scruffy dirty art punks wearing all the regalia of drooping flourescent hair and a wonderful attempt of hardness. some accomplished this better than others. some were more drunk and/or out of there minds then others. hell, i don't even know if this place really was a cafe or just a really weird fucking party. lol

but of course lurking off to one side was my home-person. i deign to call him my homie because that just... does not describe our relationship. lol

thankfully he was a bit more clean, but perhaps due to his trade this was to appear more inviting. initially this is what drew me to him, but perhaps that was for as much ill as good. :D

"Hey Tecchie!" damn. i was hoping to pretend to ignore him for a minute so i could get a look at those intriguing little boxes.

"heeey... uh, what's up?" i have to admit i've been a little leery of this guy since the incident with the blotter page.

"Not much. i figured you might want to come see the miniatures, especailly considering how much you liked mine." i didn't really, he'd really made a poor one, but at least i'm polite. i made a non-commital noise.

"did you bring the goodies?"

he pulled out a cookie.

"what the hell is that? other than the obvious answer."

"it's a magic cookie. you always call it goodies, well, here you go."

"what did you do to them?"

they looked like regular old rainbow chip elf cookies you get off the shelf.

"what did you do to it?"

"eat it and be surprised."

So I popped one in my mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. A bit dry, a bit bitter. I had my suspicions about just what was on aforementioned cookie, but I decided I would, in fact, try and be surprised. I popped a few more in my mouth and decided to go and try out this wonderful coffee they had and go peruse the miniatures.

As soon as I took a sip though, I immadiately began to regret my earlier decision to drink the coffee as it tasted horrible, but what can you do?

I took in the sight of tiny little buildings arranged on pedestals to make them slightly easier to look in and gazed at the little figurines tending tiny appliances.

Tiny couches and television sets.

Resturants.

Dive bars.

I figured nothing had happened, so I ate another cookie… but then I started to feel kind of weird. I felt that familiar crawl against my psudo-skin and took a second to set my 4 hour timer.

I set 4 hour timers when I go out (2 hours in bars, especially if I'm drinking a lot) so I remember to "go to the bathroom" every once in a while. I don't actually have to go to the bathroom, but it at least keeps up appearances and doesn't put that niggling little doubt in the back of people's minds. No one ever seems to notice one way or another, but it's good to pretend sometimes. lol

Colours started to drip a little. Oh great. I should have known. I silently cursed the extras cookie and got ready.

Trying to stay calm I continued to look at the little houses, even as they filled with pulsing bugs and spiders. The figurines began to dance. The world shook and shook and

Somehow

Somehow

Somehow I was IN one of the houses.

INSIDE.

I walked over to the mini figurine, now "matt-sized". Sort of. Even in this world everyone is taller than me.

I knocked on it's head. Nothing. Then, it's head slowly cranked around and it favoured me with a partiularly cold, nasty sort of look.

Shocked, I stumbled backwards into the little table, which was glued flat and didn't budge.

The figurine started to advance on me, opening its priorly mouthless head and offering me a display of its many long, sharp teeth. Right. I'm getting the fuck out of there.

I ran out of the little building, trying to stay on the little edge so I wouldn't fall off. I leaped into another little building and peeked in, seeing if there was no frendly shadow or closet I could hide and weep in.

No dice- there were figures in this one too, and moving towards the door.

I crawled around so that I could make the leap again. Eenie meeny miney and I picked which direction to jump. i gave a quick look in and saw it was mostly uninhabited, and found a nice corner to hide in (who has a dark corner…)-

I was being dragged out of the café forcibly by someone and was struggling vainly against being shoved into a car… quit struggling, you're making a scene, don't bite me! I looked up, recognised my friend and relaxed.

"why were you playing with the houses!?"

"was i?"

"shit- how many of those cookies did you eat, anyway?"

"I don't know, some. Where are we going?"

"WE are going nowhere. YOU are going home."

"did it ever occur to you that perhaps I'd rather not go home?"

"well, you are going to your house. Where you go from there is up to you."

On the plus side, he did not, in fact, know where I actually lived. He dropped me off in front of my "house", and I saw my neighbour glaring at me through the window. As soon as he drove off I took off into the woods for a far more interesting walk home.

Actually, I don't remember a lot of what I did in the woods, but I know I paused at least once to roll in the leaves (which I clearly did not think were leaves).

I finally made my way out of the woods and arrived at the lake. Joy. But, on the plus side, I was not too awful far from home. So collecting a little mud to go with my new coat of leaves, I made the final trek towards home and my box. Safety.

I walked in the door with leaves clinging to places I couldn't even see. In fact, as I walked back to my box, I left a trail of slimy mud and damp leaves in my wake. But I managed to get back unmolested.

Or perhaps no one wanted to ask.

At least I still have some cookies.