Okay, so heres part of a story i wrote, the idea came when myself and a bunch of friends were goofing around and acting like hicks..... its called the Ballad of Cusin Jerry.....
"Wal, Ah reckon it all started a couple yers back when me and my cousin Jake went down ta visit our cousin Jerry down in Mis'sipi, or was it Alabam. Wal, no matter, anyhow, so we all packed up and heded down ta see Cusin Jerry. At first it was slow goin' thru them ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Kentucky hills, mainly cause we had to go uphill, or maybe it was cause the engine fell owt of the truck hafway up the first hill. Needless ta say we made up for it coastin down the hills. We kept on goin on like this hafway thru Tenesee unitl the last of the tires went flat. Wal, me and Cusin Jake sat right there on the side of the road awl nite cause nither of us could agree wat we should do. Cusin Jake wanted to keep on pushin the truck along all the way to Cusin Jerry's, but Ah tole him he was a durn fool.
So we waited there awl nite until mornin came and by that time Cusin Jake came to his senses (what senses he had) and desided ta leve the truck an walk. So we commenced a walkin, an we kep on walkin right on till lunchtime when we stopped on the side of the to take in a bit ta eat. So Ah say to Cusin Jake,
'Cusin Jake, its gettin on ta be lunchtime, quit a laggin behind and get them vittles out'
'What vittles?' says he, 'Ah thawt yoo was carryin em.'
'Ah warnt carryin em yoo moron, yoo was supposed to!' says Ah.
'What is a moron?' he asked.
'Ah don't ritely know, but yoo shure as hell put the "oron" in it!' Ah replied.
'Wal, Ah may put the oron in moron, but Ah shure as hell don't put the "upid" in dumb!'
Now, by this time, he was severely beginin to try my pashense an we was abowt to come to blows, when a truck pulled up along side us. An elderly gentleman of a somewhat portly bild hopped out and said,
'Wal boys, what seems ta be tha problem here?'
Wal now we stopped a fightin cause we recognized the stranjer as our dear old Uncle Joe. So we asked him if we could get a ride with him down to Cusin Jerry's house, and lo and behold, darned if that wasnt where he was headed!
Now we hopped into the back of his truck and off we went, we was drvin so fast, we must have been goin 35 miles an hour at one point. But anyway, we was goin like on like this for four days, and Ah thought we was never gonna make it ta Cusin Jerry's. Cusin Jake and me were about ready ta turn round and start a headin on home when good ole Uncle Joe informed us that we was only a mile off from Cusin Jerry's house. Wal, when we heard this we commenced ta hootin an hollerin on account of Cusin Jerry's mamma [our Ant Maylene] being the finest cook in those there parts. And as we got nearer to the house we began reminicin about when Ant Maylene used ta visit us an bring us some of her delicious vittles.
But enuff reminicin, so we got off the truck and commenced to lookin fer Cusin Jerry, but we couldn't find him anywhere so we went and asked Ant Mayline where he was. She told us that he was off in the woods trimming the trees or some such nonsense, of after we ate some of her vittles we went outside and looked fer Cusin Jerry. Wal we wandered around for a few hours before we finally found Cusin Jerry, but we only spotted him on account of him wearin a bright colored shirt and cussin and carryin on like a madman.
We wandered into the clearing that he was in and was goin over to greet him when he turned around and yelled,
'Wal, Ah do declair! Cusin Michael and Cusin Jacob! What in tha sam hell is yoo doin down in these here parts! It shore is good to see ya'll!'
'Wal, not as good as it is to see yoo ya ole rascall!' said Cusin Jake in tha same tone Cusin Jerry. Now these pleasantrees went on for a while until Ah broke in and asked,
'There's one thing I gotta ask ya Jerry, what in the hell is yoo doin out here in tha middle o the woods? Yoo completely missed supper?"
'Naw,' he said, 'mamma packed me a lunch, besides, ah'm tryin to to trim this here tree.' Now this tree he was a big ole Georgia Pine, and a huge one at that, so, naturally biein curious as to why he was wantin to trim a tree in the middle of the forest, Ah asked him,
'Why would yoo wanna trim this here tree, its out in tha middle of dag gone forest?'
'Wal,' he replied, 'Ah don't rightly know, I think its cause tha tree looks so lop-sided, and Ah wouldn't want anyone to think that a redneck lives in these here woods.' And then Cusin Jake inerupted and said,
'E'rybody already knows that yoo is a redneck anyway, the doghouse made out of duct tape and old car parts is a ded giveaway!'
'Hey,' replied Cusin Jerry, 'that doghouse is a durn fine one, if Ah do say so myself!'
'Don yah think it's a little big for your dog, Ah mean, Ah can walk uprite in it, its almost as big as yer own house! An Besides, you've only got a little beagle.' Now, at this time Ah decided ta intervene and said,
'Wal now, why don't we commence ta hep ya finish trimming this here tree so we can all go back and get some of Ant Mayline's vittles, Ah'm starving!'
So we both commenced to help him trim tha tree.
Now, Ah was wunderin how we was gonna trim such a large tree so, naturally, Ah asked him,
'Jerry, Ah was wunderin, how is we gonna trim such a big tree, do you have some sort of plan or something?'
'Well,' said Cusin Jerry as he scratched his head, 'Ah was thinkin..........
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