Shit yeah ladies and germs and fiendish(but lustfull) humans, whats going down? MY DICK AFTER A CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF MY MOMS ASS...Thats another story though.

    Well well well, this visit to victoria has been pretty fuckin awesome, I still havent seen all my friends yet though, fuck, why do I think I can remeber numbers when I'm drunk?

Aww well, I hope this blog burns in hell, fuckin blogs, sounmds kinda like pogs

What a good ol fun filled weekend.

         Last weekend I went down and saw a friend that I hadn't seen in a long time, the who trip was pretty awesome.

        It started off at about 7 oclock saturday night. I was hitch hiking out to calgary from edmonton, met some pretty cool/crazy/uncomfortable but cool people. This one dude who picked me up was named Ian, he was real cool shit. He was all about the love, he worked with special needs kids so immediatly he gets points in my books. He was pretty much just awesome shit all together, Ian, wherever you are love to you brutha man(at the end of the ride he also offered me half a bag of chips, c'mon, this guy is just fuckin killer).

        The next people to pick me up were these two chicks, they were good looking too and they were digging me...Chicks love hitchhikers, hitchhiking is just plain and simple badassyness to the max extreme. Anyways they dropped me off is some place called pinocho...The next guy to pick me up was a fuckin character and a half.

          His name was Larry, he was this dude from india with a crazy strong accent, I couldn't hear a lot of the stuff he was saying, he kept having to repeat himself. He was cool shit too. At one point I thought he was asking me about work, so I was telling him about what I did, but he kept saying thats not what he was asking, after a few minutes he got his english straight, turns out he was asking me "So, do you like to play with boys?" Hahah, man I didn't see that one coming. I told him I was a fan of the ladies, he was too but he told me that everyonce in a while he likes to switch it up a bit...After that I saw him digging around beside him, immedietly I go for my knife and I'm thinking "Aww fuck me fuck me fuck me, dont try anything I'm really not down for doing something stupid". To my relief it turns out he was just digging around for his water bottle. I dont care what people are into, if they're cool they're cool, if they respect me I respect them. Plus he was cool because he let me drink in his truck...Hahahah, at one point he was like "Do you like handjobs?" I was kind of iffy at this point so I was like "Well what do you mean, giving or recieving?" He said "Oh either". I told him "Yeah I like recieiving handjobs from girls, its fun"...Then I grabbed my bag and put it on my lap just in case he tried to give me some indian hand loving. After that we got to sex talking and I explained to him the beauty of cougars and milfs, he was pretty excited about it and was pretty stoked on finding some cougars, I asked him if he wanted to go find a cougar bar and dig on some but he had just been driving for 12 hours straight and wanted to goto sleep.

            He dropped me off, we said out good byes, I told him he was the man and he told me he liked me and that he would miss me..Hahah, he was such a rad guy. He dropped me off in the sketchy part of calgary, and man was it sketchy, first person I ran into was this drunk dude asking me what was the deal with crack cocaine. I said I didn't know and that I wasn't into the stuff, he said he didn't do it either,  then he told me that if you confess your tickets to cops they would erase you from the computer, then he told me his pockets were full of pistachios and he offered me some chips. I told him I was good and that I had a bag of chips in my backpack, he asked me what kind and I told him(salt and vinegar, of course) He paused for a moment, deep in thought, then he said "Your a good man", Shook my hand then we said our goodbyes.

          I was just trying to find my way out of that part, I love the activity but I was kind of sketched that I would get jumped cause I had my bag with me...I saw crack heads, a pimp talking to his hooker(who had a blackeye, probably from not coughing up the bills)and some cops arresting this sketcher dude who was cursing and proclaiming his innocence to the "Fuckin stupid pigs" as he so charmingly called them.

          I met some gils and we chatted it up a bit and they directed me to some bars...I didn't even goto the bars they suggesed cause after walking about a block from them I found a bar they didn't even mention, this place called Dicksons pub..MAN was it ever a fucking cool bar. It was calgary so I was allowed to smoke my cigars in the bar, the waitress' were all flirty with me and making eyes(People love hitchhikers, I'm telling you) Talked with the bar tender and then helped this blind guy find the pisser.

            In the bar I met this one guy who eventually(after much drunken pleading with his g/f) let me crash at their place(I didn't have to sleep outside, shit yeah, man was it cold outside). But man was this guy hardcore, he had pretty recently dtopped smoking crack, at one point he was yelling at this guy and then started telling his g/f she doesn't have to worry, he's getting his life together and he doesn't want to kill people anymore. It was hardcore, apparently he used to be a hangbanger, his g/f confirmed this all. They were really cool people, we sat up and drank rum and vodka for the better part of the night, just sitting around, talking, listening to Scotty boy swear at hsi g/f and her put him in his place. Love to Scott and Robin.

         That day I went and met up with Tori, I had a great time...She ddin't want to meet me a while back because she thought things would be akward, but they werent at all. She's still the same in a lot of ways which is awesome, I'm glad being sick didn''t break her, but I knew it wouldn't she's easily one of the strongest people I know. At first we went mini golfing, man I suck balls..GOLF BALLS OHHHHH. She kicked my ass pretty good, but hey, you cant win when you keep hitting your ball in the water. It was just a good day I enjoyed her company, she's just a wicked girl...I wish I wasn't hungover though, that was stupid of me, I've been wanting to hang out with her for so long now and I go and get loaded the night before, but it was hard to avoid considering the circumstances, drinkers let you crash on there couch, you better be prepared to liquor them up.

 We went and watered he aunts lawn, got some food then went canoeing, that was my fav part of the day, it was awesome, almost tipped at one point.

            I dont know what Tori thought of me though, I've changed a lot of the last three years, I hope she didn't think bad of me or anything, well, I dont really care but still, she's a person who I'd like to accept me for what I am and for all the crazy and stupid outrageouse things I have done...Cause even after I've done it all, I'll still be the buffman, shit yeah suckas.

The way back to edmonton was a lot faster than going to calgary. I was picked up by another trucker who wa just all in all a wicked guy. The next was this awesome mexican lady. She was just coming back from a star trek convention(she only sold stuff there)..Her car was FILLED with boxes and everything, I was almost kissing the dash board thats how cramped it was. We talked and talked, she was just an awesome lady.

          After her I got picked up by this dude AJ...Man was this guy fuckin cool. we chilled and swapped crazy stories, when we got into edmonton we hit up a bar and had a few drinks, he gave me his number and told me to give him a call thursday...Hahah, I'm going to have to call this guy, love to Mr. Ian.

Yeah that was pretty much my weekend experience, it was fun, I think I might do it up again this weekend, I'll give AJ a call adn see if he's down for partying it up. Anyways boyles and ghouls(thats a shout out to my boy the Crypt-keeper) I'm tired and sore...Today I had a mean bail on the scaffolding, fucked up my arms pretty good, I'm going to go try to sleep it off. Nighty nighty lovelies.

-Corey the Buffman      

Boy boy boy heavens to betsy do I ever love the rain...Plus its a good change from this crazy fuckin hot weather...Shit me does it ever get hot.

While I was sitting around doing nothing really at all I discovered what my life runs on;

Pooche cafe

Chips and salsa

Being nice

Being obnoxiously humourous

Scaring people

Quesidillas.

Well, thats not really what my life is comprised of, but I just wanted to build up to the quesidillas...Fuck me do I ever love quesidillas, with a glass of ice cold pepsie.

I was watching this show about giant squid, buddy was doing all these experiments on their behaviour...At one point he went into the water at night in this contraption that immitates the strobes of the squid, man as soon as he started strobing a bunch of squid attacks him and either a)tried to give him some slimy squid sex boogie or b)fuck his shit right up..They were going for his mask and everything, it was pretty humourous.

       I'm going to go shower, feel free to join me I'm feeling frisky

Oh boy oh boy oh boy what is crackin what is smackin? The rock? The peoples champion? The people elbow, maybe? Perhaps, I dont even know what to believe anymore, so I'll just stick with dragons and eskimos.

           I SHOULD be moving into a new place at the end of the month, its pretty swanky...Kinda bummed though, I was hoping to move into this really really swank place that had this junior olympic swimming pool, but the sold it before we could checker out...I had plans for that place...Mostly floating around on an inflatable alligator drinking martinis all day, but thats okay I'm willing to downgrade, this new place has a bathtub so I can just chill in there with a bottle of vodka and make outrageous claims like clouds were invented by drunken bisexual muslims, I live by that and always will.

           This weekend was pretty alright alright alright, spent a ton of money. Good ol Carmen came down so we did some chillage which was most amusing...Booze, pool, Nachoes then laying down and cuddling beside a busy street, what more could a weirdo ask for? What kind of sucked too was that Claire was suppose to come down but she didn't even though it was planned like a month in advance, but ohhh well what can you do?

This weekend should be a rowdy good time. The plan:

Friday is payday, so put down the deposit on the place. Saturday, chill out, hitch it to calgary in the evening, get there, party, see where the night takes me. Wake up wherever I happen to wake up(Hopefully not in the custodoy of the police but its been known to happen) Call Tori and meet up..Caraaazy, its been a long, loooong time since her and I have even seen eachother, I hope she's not worried about seeing me, I'm getting really excited...Oh man I hope I dont have to meet any of the males in her family(Save for her brother, he was cool shit)...Man oh man did her dad ever scare me...I mean now the circumstances are different, he's not going to look at me and be like "I know your fooling around with my daughter boy, and I'm going to cut your little dick off", but he could be like "Yeah, I remember how you fooled around with my daughter boy, and I'm still going to cut your little dick off"...Ahhh good ol fashioned fun for the whole family.

Yeah, then I guess sunday hitch it back at night and hope I get make it home not to late cause I gotta be up at 5 on monday, but aww well, it'll all work out for el buffman.

PS: Pray I dont get violently raped on my ventures, or pray that if I do I get paid hefty or its by a beautifull woman who has NO male sex organs.

Peace out yah punk bitches, you know I'm deliciouse 

Scatter brained. Crikey, its 3 30 and I have to be up at 5 to goto work for 10 hours. I dont think I'm going to bother trying to slip in an hour of sleepy weepy time, that would just make work hellish.

         Tonight kind of sucked, big fight with the brother and his g/f, what a bunch of physchos...But damn am I good at making people mad, and I wasn't trying my hardest.

          Recently I have rediscovered something I am very good at; Being discusting and obcene. Its like a super power or something. In coversation I can just whip stuff out of nowhere that could make a child molester blush, and I can draw up soem pretty hilariously discusting pictures too...My brothers g/f looked at some pics today and now she's uneasy around me. This is really nonsensical(a word?) rambling, the early hours do that to you sometimes. For Breakfast I am going to eat a chicken sandwitch.

Time to go get htat hour(hour and a half if I fall asleep right away)of sleep before work, I hope by some fluke it supercharges me.

Go with god

Saturday saturday saturday, good ol saturday...On an unrelated subject I thing the people around here think that my brother John and I are gay with eachother, anytime we go anywhere we get peopel starting at us, and girls are always talking to us and giggling, and its not that "Oh they are cutey-patooties I want them inside me" kind of giggling, its more of a "Oh jeepers, gay guys, I hope they make out with eachother". For example, I was talking to this girl that always sreves John and I at Timmy Hoes. I went in there alone and she was like "So, hows your friend doing?" So I told her that he was actually my brother and she looked dissapointed...Plus people might think we're gay because anytime we go out and talk to people John finds it amusing to say "Yeah, we wear dresses" or some weird shit like that...Just gotta go with the flow I suppose.

          Holy shit my leg hurts, and I dont even know why, crazy times I tells yeah.

          I want to go on a road trip real bad, I wanted to go up to Calgary today but didn't get to. The last time I was in calgary was a loooonngg time ago. Man, what an uninteresting night.

I have recently discovered that the Edmonton Newspaper DOES have Pooch Cafe in it..FUCK YEAH...If there is one thing I love, its pooche cafe, check out just a few strips of it I found on the internet.

http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2006/07/21/

http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2006/07/13/

http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2006/07/11/

http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2006/07/09/

http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2006/07/07/

http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2006/07/02/

http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2006/06/25/

Ohhh man, only if I had my collection of clippings I got when I was back in VIc...DAMN!!!

FUck me with a cherry on top, the othernight was just horribly horrible. After work John and I decided to get some booze from the liquor store, he got beer and I decided to get a bottle of sake...Ladies and gents, if you ever feel tempted to mix beer, weed and sake, do so at your own discretion. I dont think I made a very possitive appearence infront of the neigbhors...People always think less of you when your crawling across the lawn clutching your stomach and puking violently...Especially when your brother is rolling around on the ground beside you laughing his ass off.

   So I managed to move upstairs into the bathroom...Things got worse up there, I broke into some crazy fever, sweat was beading off my hands, my legs, everywhere...I tried getting some water in me, it felt good for aobut 5 seconds until I threw it all back up again, puking up water actaully isn't too bad, it doesn't hurt as much...The next thing I remmeber I was frantically tearing my clothes off in a incoherent stupour, then I jumped in the shower and turned it as cold as it would go....Man that was horrible, the weed started sketching me out too so I was thinking that I might have to goto the hospital, but the fever kicked back up and I ended up passing out of the bathroom floor for a while so that took care of any worrisome thoughts.

        Bottom line Boyles and ghouls(C'mon, tales from the crypt shoutout, who's feelin me?)sake is just semen from a convicted child molester with alcohol content, beware.

Man work is crazy stuff, the Buffman is ACTUALLY going to be buff...It kind of sucks because the whole thing is being skinny and being a buffman, if I get buff I'm going to have to switch is up...Like, Corey the Aboriginal...It'll be tender because believe it or not i am NOT aboriginal...Nah fuck that, I'm the buffman, any of you try to test that and I'll hunt you down and fuckin kill you and burn your parents alive!

                  Man this house blows, everyones bitching at eachother and my brothers g/f ALWAYS has her tit out and stuffed in that babies face...She's generous in size so its just throws me off...Its like watching a midget a eating a package of ground beef with a small straw. God I love midgets.

             I might go see pirates of the Caribbean tonight, I dont know.

       I am exciting, have you been wow'd yet? If not run into traffic and tell me how that works out for you. I love you all.

-EL Buffman