So, as has probably been seen, The Beats is dead.

Many people have been asking about Beat Stevie though, and this will continue, hopefully bigger and better than before as we're not having to spend most of our time trying to sell little round bits of plastic and can concentrate on the task of doing stupid stuff and filming it. We're also gonna be back on Channel 4, more news on that when we have it, but the 3 original shows will be repeated at 1am on Fridays the 8th, 15th and 22nd of February.

If you're Myspace-based still, we're moving the interesting stuff over to www.myspace.com/beatstevie

Also now that Mike has finally discovered eBay, and in order to fund some future filming, we're gonna start to put some Beat Stevie stuff that's lying around up for auction. So look out for the user Beat Stevie setting out his virtual stall very soon...

As you may have read elsewhere The Beats is dead.

We had a great time, but times have changed and the old idea of an independent record label is no longer relevant or realistic in this age.

Thanks to everyone who supported us. We hope all our artists go on to achieve everything we believe them to be capable of.

Beat Stevie will continue as everyone seems to like it. There should be a new one up now and more details on the Beats memorial service should be up there next week.

If you want to check the continuing adventures of the gang you need to go to any of these places

www.myspace.com/beatstevie

www.youtube.com/thebeats

www.beat-stevie.co.uk

Beat Stevie should become a whole new beast of it's own so keep an eye on it.

The Beats has been a massive part of my life and we really hope it brought something to yours. Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

Spent the weekend in Bolton watching the Amir fight. He absolutely battered the other guy in about a minute and a half. As is often the way, I kinda wanted it to go out for longer but it was so good I just couldn't help myself but enjoy that sudden burst... that guy has some big balls setting up a tricky fight on his birthday, going out and battering him and then wandering around the hotel like he's just gone for a stroll. Was big pimping.

Rest of the night was long, though, despite our ability to eat three massive meals in between 8pm and 3am, including breakfast with JD at 3 in order to get set up for the Hatton fight. Hatton fight was great to watch but was gutted that he lost, and not only cos we had loads of money on it. Passed out about 6 in the end with heavy discussions with Mike about Fight Night. Amir did a Q and A and I was a bit gutted that Mike didn't offer him out. On Fight Night. I think we should set that up.

This week is gonna be pills, thrills and bellyaches as on top of having a million things to set up, including another Beat Stevie on Channel 4 on Friday, I've also got some sort of Christmas do or party on every night of the week. What with the Skinner eating campaign I don't know how I'm going to cope.

Beat Stevie is hard work to adapt for Channel 4. I didn't really think we were that lairy but I can feel their lawyers shaking when we send a new one over. Controversial subject this week is the word midget. Is midget bad? I didn't think it was, but apparently it's up their with the n word. Bugger. Are you allowed to call dwarves dwarves? What about elves?

Beat Stevie on Channel 4 at 1.20am tonight.

It's gonna be good. Trust us.

Set your Sky Plus/Tivo/mum with VHS etc...

Ted

***NO ONE'S MUM EVER GOT KILLED IN A PUB BY A MAN WITH A 22. DID THEY?***

OK, so we're back from Prague in one piece, sort of... I can safely say there was a lot of brass on the last day. And night in fact. The trouble is I can't really say too much about some of the classic moments as most of them will appear on either Beat Stevie or the South Bank show who were also filming out there. I think it's safe to say there will be very little material that actually appears on both these fine programs.

The journey home on Friday night was enlivened by the fact that myself and Trim Vignon, the manager of the Streets, were on an earlier flight home to Heathrow. We live in West London you see, as opposed to everyone else who was flying to Gatwick, when they live in North London. Everyone knows North London is full of butters heads and West is Best.

Anyway, this meant that we had just enough time to grab a quick McCunty and jump on our flight, leaving the rest to fight over their seats with a bunch of stag parties. Much piss-taking followed when our fucking flight was delayed by an hour... damn you Czech airlines. The resultant stand off was quite exciting and fortunately the eastern European work ethic was in full force over their slovenly English work-shy colleagues and we were in the air first. It was a beautiful thing being tucked up in bed knowing the others still had hours to go, and even then they'd be home in North London. Gutted.

When you're on tour you get this kind of madness when you've spent too much time locked up in a room with each other and things such as this take on great importance....it has to be said Beat Stevie is the worst. He is the most competitive man in the world.

Fortunately, we only had about 6 hours to regain our senses till we were all back together for Mike's birthday party. This is the best party I've been to for a long time. I wish I had some pictures but my camera is fucked. Otherwise, there would be an amazing picture of Mike in a pair of pink Y-fronts complete with wet patch. I think Mike's latest blog explained the joy to be had with a piano and a bunch of prangers singing their little hearts out. He's failed to mention a number of important things tho.

a) we found out I'm the only one that doesn't shave his balls.

b) Waitrose mini burgers are the greatest invention since the wheel. (The Wagon Wheel.)

c) Red wine and The Goonies is the best way to come down.

d) In a war-based situation a 22 is no use. You need a mac 10 and a frag and a flashbang. Unless you are ex-military, in a combat situation the best thing you can do is get your cock out.

There's a new Beat Stevie up with Dizzee, and we're on Channel 4 at 1.20am this Friday night, with total exclusive stuff including the greatest interview with Matt Willis ever. We love Matt. He is a fucking legend.

Wow.

We're currently sat in the control room of an absolutely massive studio on some university in Prague. There's about 22 strings working through Mike's compositions right now. In front of us. It's incredible to hear all the weird midi-based madness I've heard at Mike's house suddenly come together as a real magical thing. I'm surrounded by people in chunky knitwear who are saying things like "fortissimo". When the pranging conductor who managed to absolutely stack it on the stairs on the way in has been transformed Clarke Kent-style into a dynamic master of music. Seriously, I am fucking impressed right now. Without being too gay about it, it's quite incredible to watch everything coming together. I feel like BA. I'm the only one without any purpose, so I thought I'd just sit here and type stuff and look like I'm doing something to contribute.

It's mad to think that only 7 hours ago we were in a strip club. The now graceful conductor Rob was pranging hard, Magic now running the computers was sweating and drinking Star trying to get the system to work, and Johnny now managing the whole affair was in search of even more dens of iniquity. It wasn't just any strip club either. It was this place, www.bigsister.net. Absolutely mental concept that I think we need to copy and set up a Beat Stevie nightclub. The way it works is you go into this upstairs bar which is surrounded by TV screens, from there you can go downstairs to any of the themed rooms and get it on with one of the girls for free. The catch is that your efforts are then displayed both online and throughout the club. It's like Big Brother for doggers. Tune in tonight to see Johnny Drummachine celebrate a successful day of recording by being sodomised by an overweight dwarf. The future's bright, the future's cellulite.

I think I've just hit the wall. It's only 5.30 in the afternoon, but then we have been up since 4.30 this morning in order to get a flight over to Prague as Mike is recording a bunch of new songs with a full orchestra. The premise is that an orchestra is much cheaper over here than getting in the London Philharmonic. I don't think Mike has ever dealt with a full orchestra before, so he seems a bit nervous, but it's a good adventure nonetheless. I know Prague fairly well as I've been here a few times, but we had a bit of a wander around and managed to get some food without finding ourselves submerged in a stag party necking absinthe. Maybe that's for tonight. Mike has mainly been focused on trying to get a hat to compete with the full Antarctic trapper look which I'm rocking. After scouring many of the cheap tourist type stalls he decided there was nothing of the requisite quality. After disappearing during lunch, he came back with the funniest fucking hat I have ever seen. It's like some sort of woollen garm that a priest hobbit might wear to serve mass. Actually I'm going to have to find him and take a picture of this fucking thing. Especially funny cos it cost five grand in coronas. Which is about £150. I don't think he was aware of the exchange rate. 150 quid to look like a fucking gay gnome! Mike will go to any lengths to give us all a laugh and we appreciate that. So it's down for some food and then the game and hopefully some tales from Beat Stevie tomorrow...

That's over consumption, not one with Michael Hutchence hanging in the wardrobe. Although that would be pretty cool...

Yeah, so I've been staying at Mike's for the last week and it's really been a battle of attrition, let alone nutrition, just to keep up the massive and constant level of consumption. This lifestyle is insane. I just can't handle it. I need to walk with the rain on my face on cliffs, foraging from the land. I am a human, not an eating and drinking machine. Every day it's like this. Must eat. Must drink. At all times must be consuming something. It's like modern life at 100mph. Here's an example of the average day in the Skinner household:

7.30am - Woken up on couch by light streaming in through window and next door's builders banging around.

8.00am - Go to shops to procure tiramasu-flavoured cappuccino, with a couple of all day breakfast sandwiches and a couple of mixte ham and cheese. Back to house to eat.

9.00am - Cup of tea. Accompanied by biscuits. Or maybe some of last night's curry/pizza.

9.30am - Mike goes for a run. This is like trying to be carbon neutral. It's not gonna save your life, but it makes you feel like you're doing SOMETHING to offset all the daily damage.

10.00am - Magic makes more tea, Sacha comes round with some form of weird diet intake, low carb sandwich based affair. Have some of that.

11.00am - Meeting including 3 cups of tea and 1 big family bag of Minstrels.

12.30pm - Johnny Drummachine comes round. Before starting to record, he needs to eat. Go to Strada.

1.00pm - At Strada have pesto e pomodoro bread, main course of huge bowl of pasta, plus share a pizza on the side or a flietto di manzo.

2.00pm - Shall we have dessert? Yes, liquid middle chocolate pudding. Mike has 2.

2.30pm - Coffee. Maybe a brandy.

3.00pm - Feel sick.

3.30pm - Back at Mike's try not to be sick, break from work for Fight Night session.

4.30pm - Cups of tea and some pastries bought from the Tescos on the walk back from Strada.

5.30pm - About to hit the leftovers in the fridge but are disrupted by Johnny saying let's go out to eat properly.

6.30pm - Cafe rouge for steak frites. plus starters all round. And dessert. Magic will start on the wine.

7.30pm - Magic on 2nd bottle of wine.

8.00pm - Head to pub for loose work-based meeting. Will just stay for 20 minutes.

9.00pm - Fuck the beer, move on to JD's.

10.00pm - Doubles.

11.00pm - Still in pub.

11.30pm - Heading for arts club.

12.00am - Pick up some hot wings on the way in.

12.30am - Seem to have lost credit cards.

12.40am - Cancel credit cards.

1.00am - Do the sambucca challenge.

1.10am - Fnd credit cards in other pocket.

1.20am - Do the sambucca challenge.

1.30am - Move to cocktails.

2.00am - Attempt to leave but Magic is attempting to infiltrate enemy lines.

2.30am - Ready to go.

3.00am - Still waiting for someone get in cab.

3.45am - Get home. Put curry in microwave til it can melt your skin off.

4.00am - Eat.

4.20am - Play Fight Night/Pro Evo til magic has passed out on the couch and will give up.

4.30am - Sleep on couch listening to Magic snoring.

Repeat until dead.

On the very rare occasion you actually get to eat in and not have a 3 course dinner 4 times a day, then the dinner consists of the items in the photo above. 3 microwave meals on one plate. Like a quattro formaggi but without cheese and only 3. I don't know if you can make it out, but this banquet included beef risotto, spaghetti carbonara and chicken tikka masala. Fucking wrong!

I'm going to die of some 18th century disease that has largely been forgotten in modern times, like gout or something.

So it was the end of an era this week when we said goodbye to The Shed. A place that has been our home for so long both physically and spiritually has now been left. I like to think that perhaps a little bit of that old Shed magic will live on in all of us and maybe you too. I hope one day they put one of those blue plaques up, or maybe knock it down and then rebuild it, like they did the Haçienda.

On the upside and possibly a few years late, can I just say how great is itunes? I mean the sharing thing. So someone called Laura has moved into my block of flats and it's so exciting when she's in cos suddenly I have at my disposal an arsenal of female power pop ballads. It's a beautiful thing. i actually wait for her to come home now so that I can blast out a bit of Foreigner

Oh yeah, Michael Jackson is out this week as well.

I half wrote this yesterday and now after Example tonight I feel absolutely ruined so I'm just going to press send and go to bed...

Beat Stevie just seems to be getting bigger and bigger. We've created a monster. It's coming over the hill. On TV and now on your mobile. Um and it's free as well so you can't fucking argue with that can you?

All you need to do is text BEATS to 82595 and then click the button below:



Do that and you will get sent a sim card which you can put into pretty much any handset you've got. Even those butters ones you got handed down from a friend when your good one got stolen. Stick the sim card into your phone and you'll get free texts and calls as well as regular updates from us and other people and things we like. Beat Stevie for free to your phone. How good is that? We'll send you regular updates from us and even remind you when it's on the telly and stuff. There's no contract or any of that shit. Just put the sim in and go.

We've done this with the people at Blyk. It's gonna be harsh. It's like Limewire for your phone, except without the risk of getting arrested.

The only thing is that you have to be aged 16-24. So if you're younger you have to wait and if you're older then you need to get a proper job so you can afford to pay for your phone calls.

Oh and the T-shirts look deep as well, fuck off Mike. When we get this phone thing running we'll do comps and shit through there as well. You might even get to see me naked on a very small screen that you can carry around and show to your mum.

You have nothing to lose but your phone bill.

So it's been quite a busy weekend all in all, especially as it actually started on Thursday with the Brighton City Festival. This was like the Camden Crawl, but in Brighton. It was pretty good, if a bit chaotic. Pretty much all of us of got thrown out of our own gig at one time or another. Johnny Drum Machine was evicted quite spectacularly and we saw a few other less fortunate people fully battered by the door staff on their way out. For such a peaceful libertarian city Brighton clubs are fucking militant. Bit gutted tho cos we wanted to Beat Stevie some old skool legends like Rodney P and DJ Hype, but it was just too mental and dark to find anyone. Ended the night by sleeping in my little sister's student single bed with my feet hanging over the edge. (I should point out that my sister wasn't in the bed at the time. That would be weird and uncomfortable. Although we did meet a dwarf that night. I've never met a dwarf before, but she was really sound. She would have been a good fit in the bed.). Anyway, it turns out that single beds are the way to sleep. I haven't slept that well for ages. i think it's something to do with the fact that you can't move or else you're gonna fall out.

Woke up the next morning to discover that Magic Mike and the rest of the gang had been involved in an impromptu session back at theirs and it looked like a Baghdad jail when I found them at the Travelodge. Bit gutted I rode down, as the hangover-based mission back to London in the rain was not good.

So Friday night was bed harsh.

Saturday night was this warm-up party for the NFL game on the Sunday that the Mitchells hosted. Was alright, great mini burgers. Then Sunday morning we went to the brunch thing for the NFL game at the Four Seasons. The Americans sure know how to do hospitality. They had like the whole top floor kitted out with astroturf and hench food areas. Mike and I devoted a lot of time and attention to the beef barbecue. I can't tell you how good this was. Or how gutted I am that my photo of it got lost. I've got this shit new phone that's like having a ZX81 strapped to your head. It runs Windows but crashes like 5 times a day. My shit new phone situation means that I've got no one's numbers, so every calls a gamble. Sway, I've lost your number so if you read this or someone knows him can you text me it? Sorry. Anyway, this beef was hench. We had about three goes and got bare meat sweats on the way home.

The only photo I do have is that of the game. So that will have to do. Ah man I miss that beef. I want beef for breakfast every day.

Went to see Green at Cargo on Sunday only to witness one of the strangest events of my life. Grown men wrestling in a club. Two fat Aussies, one chubby black guy who looked like Al Jolson and a sort of fat Evils lookalike getting all shook up. Now I don't totally comprehend the massive success of WWF Stateside, but I can put this down to the innate stupidity of Americans. However, trying to translate this to a small Shoreditch club? Wow! It was so bad it was amazing. I will try to get Beat Stevie to put some footage up.

After that it al got a bit blurry. I remember seeing Green in the ring/stage. Unfortunately he chose not to wear any spandex which was a shame. And then it descended into alcoholic binge. Due to my state on Monday, I failed to achieve anything of significance and am now faced with 172 emails. What do all these people want?

Well, about 70 of them clearly want my penis to be bigger or to aid my erection. So these can be discounted. 20 of them want me to view a farm girl sucking off a horse, so I can put them to the side for later. A good 5 of them concern why the Mitchells album is going to be made late. Um that's because the Mitchells are EXCEEDINGLY dire at getting back to me on time. Still this leaves about 100 to actually go through.

There's no point going on a bender any more. It's not just the hangover you have to deal with, it's the culmination of tasks that will have built up in the time you've spent convalescing. Damn this modern life.

Don't forget to watch Transmission on Channel 4 tonight at 11.35pm. Mike will be getting airlifted into the studio to talk about the wonderful world of Beat Stevie, shortly followed at 12.35am by Beat Stevie, harsh on your actual teevee set.

It's entirely a coincidence that we have also again been BANNED from YouTube. We don't even know why this time. We have to speak to the little oompa loompa interspazz police to see what we've done wrong.

In the meantime you can watch a few gems right here.

And fear not very soon we will have all our content up and hosted independently so the MAN cannot keep Beat Stevie down.

Stevie. Once beaten forever smitten. Or something.

'Control' last night was absolutely fucking top quality. Go and see it. Mike doesn't agree, as he insisted on pointing out to the rest of the cinema that he thought it was shit. I don't think he should be allowed to drink a bottle of wine while watching an emotional film. He's a gentle lad. Ignore him and go and see it, it's great but a bit depressing.

Tonight we're gonna see the NBA game at The O2. Should be good. I'm gonna keep Mike off the red wine and hopefully they will have some hot dogs for sale so I can issue the immortal line above. Watch the film, it'll all make sense...

OK, so I admit there has been a bit of a gap between Beat Stevies. There has been a reason for this. Beat Stevie is making a transition to the top table, the big box in the Sky and will descend down your squariels to Channel 4 on October 19th at 12.30am, after Transmission. So actually that's 12.30 am on the Saturday morning. I've never been able to figure out how that makes sense to people. But you know what I mean. It will be on late on friday night. Check it out. Tell your friends. As Mike has posted here, getting to Transmission to plug it was a bit of a disaster, but after some intense air evacuation we managed to make it. It was like the golden days of rock and roll. Except for the fact that lots of the bands we wanted to talk to had gone, which was a bit of a bummer. I wanted to ask Kelly from the Stereophonics if having a girl's name is what has made him into such a keen scrapper in a "Boy Named Sue" type of way. He's a bit handy apparently is Kelly, but now the answer shall remain forever unknown.

In order to actually make this all happen I should probably go now, for there is much arranging of stuff to make the transition from online to mainline. You can see the latest Beat Stevie below. Now go. Mark it into your diaries, enter it into your icals and etch your bodies in blood with the date and time Channel 4 12.30am 19th October.

We're going to see Control tonight, which is of particular interest after my Factory rant the other day. I'm hoping for more inspiration...