the goings on don't stop!





PROFESSOR ISLAND!





my brand new collaboration with shawnimals is up and running -
PROFESSORISLAND.COM.  this project is an exploration into web 2.0
story-telling with the goal of bringing 12 brand new designer plush
shawnimals to the public over the course of 2009.  each plush to be
released will be characters out of the narrative i am writing called
"The Chronicles of Professor Fliggins."  Prof. Fliggins is the
first-person protagonist in the story, who records all of his
adventures into his personal Blobby Log, a hollowed out piece of wood
with a stenographer Blob inside, and a photo-painting septapus named
"Roy H Biv."  just go to the site and read the story.  the first plush
is set to launch NEXT WEEK!





ENCYCLOPEDIA SHOW





my new monthly show (co-curated with Shanny Jean, produced by young
chicago authors) has completed 3 very successful productions.  it
happens the first wednesday of every month at the chopin theatre.  for
more details, visit:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/pages/The-Encyclopedia-Show/38303333739
and for pictures of our last show ("The Visual Spectrum of Color" -
photos by elizabeth mcquern) go here: http://www.flickr.com/phot..os/thebastion/sets/7215761..3396367966/





and if you want to see a teaser of the show FOR FREE, then come to the
Chopin THIS SATURDAY (feb. 7th) at 4PM.  there will be cheese and other
brilliant acts!  hit me up for more details.





next month's show is on march 4th and the topic is EXPLOSIVES. 





NO LOVE FOR LOVE





i am performing in the poetry center's annual live show "No Love For
Love" this monday, feb 9th at the biogrpah theatre.  it's headlined by
Peter Sagal (from wait wait don't tell me on npr) and will also feature
Rosie Forrest, Edward Thomas-Herrera, and short film maker Steve
Delahoyde. Hosted by darling Jonathan Messinger.






more info here: http://www.poetrycenter.org/?q=node/476





THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT AMERICA





the new anthology from write bloody publishing The Good Things About
America is now available.  i have a poem in it, and i also co-wrote the
introduction with Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz.  you can purchase it (and
the other anthology i have six poems in, The Junkyard Ghost Revival)
here: http://writebloody.com/wp-content/themes/default/store/index.html





keep your ears peeled for an april GTAA book release party in chicago featuring myself, Joel Chmara, and Derrick C Brown.





DECOMP MAGAZINE





two new poems of mine are published up at
http://www.decompmagazine.com/ along with two other spoken nerd
buddies, Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz and J. Bradley.  hooray, us!




POETS & WRITERS





i am now listed in the P&W directory of artists:
http://www.pw.org/content/robbie_q_telfer.  i will hopefully take
advantage of this soon, but make note, one of the performances that i
submitted is called "Long Beach Poetry Booze Cruise."





LOUDER THAN A BOMB





the teen poetry slam i organize, louder than a bomb, is starting up
this month.  in fact, it is absorbing this month for me and part of the
next.  it's an amazing experience and i'm really proud of the work i do
with it.  for more background on what it is, watch this video clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uexKjhcfr8Y





if you'd like to come watch, please email luis@youngchicagoauthors.org
for ticket info.  if you'd like to volunteer, please email
emilyroseks@gmail.com.  it's the largest team-based youth slam in the
world, and it's the perfect example of utilizing art as more than an
end in and of itself.  it all goes down feb. 25 - mar. 8th!





HBO





i recently got back from LA filming an interview with HBO for their new
documentary produced by SimmonsLathan called "Brave New Voices."  it's
about the youth poetry slam movement in this country and i will be one
of the mentors featured in the final installment.  that's set to air in
april.  photos of what i did in the hotel room they put me up in can be
found here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2290112&id=22919389 (safe for
work).





TUBE SOCK PROMISE





Tristan Silverman and i are now booking show dates with each other -
check it out: http://web.me.com/ivy80800/Site/HOME.html - Tristan,
besides being a brilliant poet and tender soul, will soon become my
booking agent.  she's that talented.





END





my head a-splode.

happy guldern hollerdays!

welcome to the omega hour!  as a useful tool for this informational message, i have included all links at the bottom of the email, like some kind of appendix. 

i am busy as all get out - bus' it:

COMEDY

on tuesday, december 23rd, i am performing poetry at the exceptional and successful stand-up comedy show by brother dan runs called Chicago Underground Comedy.  deets:

at the Beat Kitchen
2100 W. Belmont
Chicago, IL 60618

Tickets are $5, on Tuesday nights. Inquiries may be made by contacting The Beat Kitchen at (773)281-4444. The Beat Kitchen is located 1 block west of the Damen/Belmont intersection.

Tuesdays:
Doors open at 8:45 PM
Shows to start at 9:30 PM

ENCYCLOPEDIA SHOW

the first ever encyclopedia show happened on december 3rd at the gorgeous Chopin Theatre.  shanny jean maney and i cohost and curate this variety show that invites all artistic genres to contribute creative pieces in a verbal encyclopedia.  the first entry was entitled "A is for Bears" and it was a smashing success. 

in the link appendix below you can find: a link to the facebook fanpage where much original content is being posted, a youtube of Benny the Bearcat (Benny is an actual bearcat, or binturong, and he showed up to read a poem at our show.  i am not even lying and you should watch the video if you don't believe me!), some work i performed at "A is for Bears" can be found on the TimeOut Chicago podcast, and there was also a lovely article written in TOC for our show.

here's the blurb for the next encyclopedia show:

Young Chicago Authors (YCA) brings to you The
Encyclopedia Show – "Two the Moon," at the Chopin Theatre, 1543 W
Division, on Wednesday, January 7, 2009 at 7:00pm. Tickets $5 at the
door. All ages.

With music, poetry, visual art and spoken word on the topic: The Moon.

Featuring (Contributor – Topic):

Anis Mojgani (Two-time National Poetry Slam Individual Champion - Portland, OR) – Moonwalkers.
The Luna Blues Machine (Music) - Luna Blues!
Bill Struss (Phi Rho Pi double gold medalist) – Astrology
Amy David (2-time member of the Green Mill slam
team) – Lunacy
A.D. Jameson (Fiction writer and DePaul instructor) –
Moon Geography
Cassie Sparkman (Director of the Poetry Center's Hands
on Stanzas) – Harvest Moon
Corey Schultz (Slammaster of the Normal,IL poetry slam)
– Lunar Space Elevator
Melanie "George" Decelles (3rd Place team member at youth poetry nationals) – Lunar Gravity
Iggy Mwela (Creator of the Words in Action Poetry Series) – Mooning (v.) re: Naked Fannies
Rik Vasquez (Youth Mentor and Slam Coach for hire)
- Moon Treaty/Constitution
Kiara Lanier (Singer-Songwriter) –Sea of Tranquility
Aly Bosetti (visual artist - Portland, OR) – Life native to the Moon
Ralph Hardesty (Rhetoric Instructor at Cornell University - Ithaca, NY) – Moon flower

Kurt Heintz will return as the Fact-Checker, Dan Telfer will enlighten us with new moon research, there will be a pinata and a Werewolf.

SHAWNIMALS

i am becoming more deeply involved with the brilliant folks over at shawnimals by the day. we are beginning a very ambitious and exciting new project for 2009 called "Professor Island," so please keep your earholes free of debris to find out more info on that (you can visit the brand new shawnimals.com for details!).

and please, if you are looking to buy a Nintendo DS game for christmas, i urge you to buy Ninjatown DS - the video game i co-wrote for shawnimals.  it's getting great reviews, selling well, and has been translated into 4 languages!  below is a link to MSNBC's top 10 nintendo DS games of 2008, where our game is listed and even mentioned in the subtitle!  note the review says, "the writing is funny."  hooray life!

FUTURE

here's a brief rundown of the big stuff that awaits me in 2009:

- i will be one of the three acts performing in the Dollar Store Show on friday jan. 9th at 7PM at the Hideout.  the cost is a dollar.  i stole the idea for the writing assignments for the encyclopedia show from this show, but they're not bitter!

- i am featured in two anthologies through derrick brown's Write Bloody publishing house - The Junkyard Ghost Revival Anthology and the forthcoming The Good Things about America.  the former book has 6 poems of mine, the latter has one poem and i also cowrote the introduction with cristin o'keefe aptowicz. 

- decomP magazinE will be publishing two of my poems ("We Are Devo" and "Like Staring into a Freaky Time-Mirror") in their february issue.  my aforementioned good pal cristin o'keefe aptowicz will be featured in that same issue!

- in february, i will be one of the featured performers in the poetry center of chicago's annual live show "No Love for Love."  the headliner this year is david rakoff and i will try not to be too giddy at him when we meet.  i will be calm and collected and we will become best friends for all of forever.

2008, DEAD

that's alls i gots.  it's been a productive year and i'm looking forward to the new one.  i hope you are loved this holiday - my bet is that you are. 

stay warm.

LINK APPENDIX OF GLORY

Chicago Underground Comedy: http://chicagoundergroundcomedy.com/index2.html

Encyclopedia Show Fanpage: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home/pages/The-Encyclopedia-Show/38303333739
YouTube of Benny the Bearcat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YAhP2tY_x8
TimeOut Chicago blog: http://www3.timeoutny.com/chicago/blog/out-and-about/?p=10563
TimeOut Chicago article: http://www.timeout.com/chicago/articles/books/69140/encyclopedia-noun

MSNBC Ninjatown DS review: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28165100/?pg=2games_holiday_081212_Nintendo
New Shawnimals Website: http://www.shawnimals.com/

The Dollar Store Show: http://dollarstoreshow.com/

The Write Bloody Store: http://www.writebloody.com/store/index.html

Junkyard Ghost Revival video: http://vimeo.com/2230082

decomP magazinE: http://www.decompmagazine.com/

"No Love for Love" with the Poetry Center of Chicago: http://www.poetrycenter.org/pcc_events

it's actually been a week since the conclusion of my leg with the JGR, but i would like to recount some highlights now, on the internet. so this will be like my tour diary - naughty!

LONG BEACH, CA - DOUBLE DECKER BUS

my first show with anis, buddy, and derrick was on a double decker party bus. essentially two huge men in kilts drove us and about 45 other people around Long Beach while everyone drank and listened to music (i had two BIG gatorades!). we would then make periodic stops (independent bookstore, lifeguard tower on the beach, some giant fountain, the queen mary) and we'd yell poetry at our bus-mates, then get back on and drive, drink, dance some more. this is the most ideal setting for spoken word and i'm not even kidding.

this show was a boss-ass way to start the tour - not only did i actually get to meet and hang out with almost everyone who was in the "audience," but i got to be with some of the most talented people in the history of ever. sonya renee was ending her leg with the guys with that show, so we were briefly five fingers on a hand of awesome slapping the crap out of wackness. mindy nettifee helped throw that amazing party and she "spat" poetry with us too. beau sia, amberrussmama tamblyn were in effect, and claude le monde came out of hiding.

after the show, amber drove us erratically back to her house. a nice house it was. you know, she could just as easily be a spoiled brat culture vampire (which is to say, that life is very tempting), but she chooses to write and support live poetry and everyone benefits as a result. plus she's a jackass like us.

the whole experience bathed me in grateful.

RENO, NV - U of NEVADA

drove to reno through the california desert into the high sierra mountains. thought to ourselves "we wanna be all up in them mountains." held that thought.

did a more standard, less bus-filled show at the school. the audience was fired up from the start and we got to experiment with an off-stage mic so everyone had to be on their toes. derrick and buddy had bus hangovers still, so between poems, they would lay down backstage, occasionally sitting up and looking around as if they just survived the fire-bombing of their city and were taking stock of what was left of their lives. at the end of the show, we invited everyone to go-kart with us the next day.

stayed at harrah's casino, lost 16 bucks in slots, went to an abraham-lincoln themed bar, woke up, bought some ties and a video made to entertain cats at a thrift store.

we went to a bountiful casino buffet, then to go-kart (we don't eff around with promises). seven people from the show turned up to go-kart with us. we came up with good go-kart nicknames, but the only ones i remember were "Sparky McButtPlug" and i said buddy should be "Tina Turner" as turning is an integral aspect of the sport. the regular rules of "try to win the race" are obvi boring, so the real contest was that whoever was able to slap or punch the most people was the winner. derrick won with 4.

hit the road, went through the mountains again. hit a traffic jam, got carsick, a little moody, saw a mountain lake, Donner Lake, in fact. remembered our desire to be up in them mountains. pulled over, removed most of our clothes, and swam (briefly) in the lake. derrick peed in it. it was cold, evidenced by my testicles who now live inside me like a terrified turtle. i'm sorry boys. regard., that swim, everyone agreed, made our skin electric and dissipated grumpiness. played catchphrase until we got to the bay.

THE BAY - DOMINICAN U and UC BERKELEY

dominican's audience was a good enough size to invite on the stage and sit native-american-style so they could see up our performing nose-hairs. there was a piano backstage that we got to incorporate into the show, as well as a hole in the curtain that was glorious. a glory hole, if you will. the things left backstage at shows became instrumental in keeping each set different and fresh.

after the show we went and stayed with anis's cousin and her husband, meisa and khalid. i hung out with them before when they lived in evanston, and they are two of the sweetest people on the planet. despite that fact, it rained.

at UCB, got to hear some awesome poemetry from isaac miller and denise jolly - both beautiful humans. i almost punched a girl in the face during one of our "rile 'em up" sessions, and derrick hit me in the head with a microphone. people seemed to enjoy themselves anyway. in fact, you could feel a palpable positive energy coming from that crowd, so even if you tried to be an utter failure, they wouldn't have let you. sidenote: i love denise jolly.

drove partway to portland, stayed the night in anderson, CA at an eco-friendly hotel. they had swans, met nice canadians, the showers had soap/shampoo dispensers, which is a great way to curb waste. gorged on free organic breakfast.

PORTLAND HALLOWEEN WEEKEND

drove up to p-land to crash at anis's house for the weekend. some important highlights:

-went to two halloween parties, the first (anis's friends) was filled only with characters from the mighty boosh, the second (derrick's "friends") was filled with only bags of douche. that's not true. BUT there was a guy dressed as beaker, the muppet, and his head was where beaker's mouth is and he had an apparatus to make the mouth open and close around his face. i suspect he built the costume from a penis costume. i found a rubber arm on the ground that i incorporated into my costume: guy with an extra arm. everyone agreed i was popular and smart.

-went to an 80s themed party the next day in suburban vancouver, washington. it won the prize for most lamest party, as the lights were on, there was two tvs going with two different kinds of karaoke being screamed poorly into them. there were children there at the beginning, the host had all the books in the left behind series, there was a dog who didn't want to be danced with. what made (and makes) all lame parties fun are the people you bring. so 80s party was salvageable cuz of anis, aaron (who lent me an awesome jumpsuit), rick, ted, joe, chris, and kate were there - many in short-shorts. we left a little early after aaron said "we gotta go, (rick)'s got church in the morning" and then someone with crimped hair said "yeah! church!" and high-fived aaron who said "yeah, i guess - it's kinda creepy: drinking jesus's blood? it's like halloween every sunday - blech!" then crimped girl threw carrots at him and we left.

sidenote: crimp haired girl also carried a guitar hero guitar around all night and pretended to play along with karaoke and actual people playing guitar hero. she said she plays guitar in a band. i said "what's the band's name?" "we don't have one!" "do you play for a living?" "who does?" then she rocked out for no one.

-went to three coffeeshops and two powell's bookstores. i bought 5 books, including a big picture book about bears - ted got one about fish - aly got one about bugs - anis got a comic book. got to hang out and read and write with derrick and anis, occasionally commenting on each other's poetry or just pointing out awesome things. it reminded me of the work environment at the coffeehouse in normal. i miss. i wish.

-got my hair cut and washed by a big tattooed barber who asked if i was allergic to straight razors - it was exhilerating. bought two pairs of tasty socks. spent a combined two hours watching ted's fish tank (anis's roommate is a fish god - like poseidan!). played pool and saw pineapple express and watched others bowl, not in that order.

-buddy, who stayed in seattle at his home, was reunited with us for our monday show and we all agreed that we legitimately missed each other. we jumped up and down for a while when came through the door.

-i could live in portland.

COTTAGE GROVE, OR - PACIFIC U

this show offered us more opportunities to eff around. brought a light bulb on wheels on the stage (a sign on it said it was a ghost light), anis turned it on as he started the show, i turned it off at the very end. got to climb a bar on the side of the stage to the ceiling. aaron (who is the tragic hero of his own life) sketched us on stage as part of his journalism site interview records: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=177330964&blogID=446809611. tried out a new technique for selling more books that derrick suggested. it worked! message me for the secret! also got to bring a giant prop goose on stage and we re-enacted the end of a christmas carol. miriam, who set up the show, had a sweet laugh.

BELLINGHAM, WA - WESTERN WA U - ELECTION NIGHT!

first of all, look at this poster from the show - http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=39304677&l=85f2b&id=22919389 then watch this video: http://vimeo.com/2230082.

what the hell! the programming at WWU is, as my boss would say, just sick and wrong. they have their stuff together more than anywhere i've ever seen and we (slam/spoken word organizers) could learn about eleven hundred things from them. big thanks to ryan scott on the poster, christian saxton on the video, hallie and keri on the green room and organizing in general. these guys don't play around.

first, the show. the crowd was big and excited. karen finneyfrock and daemond arrindell and this sweet dude, simon, opened the show for us. it may have been bittersweet since it was my last show, but i honestly never felt that. i was in the moment as much as i could have been, and that's one of the bestest, longest moments of my life.

now, the election. we had assumed, along with most of the rest of the world, for there to be a long, drawn-out battle for EVs. the whole day we were nervous about it, listening for updates in the car, and then checking on anis's laptop offstage during the show. we had planned on making fake and real announcements about the race throughout the night, but after i announced that mccain had just won canada, anis and derrick ran on stage and said BHO won. buddy was about to perform, i think, but then we all just started cheering and humping each other and the crowd went crazy for democracy! here's a picture of that moment: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=39304677&l=85f2b&id=22919389/photo.php?pid=34439269&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=22919389&id=25916313

anis and i grabbed all the food they gave us in the green room and started passing it out. anis said "we're a socialist government now, so i gotta do this!" i was handing out ritz crackers, and i was like "here, here you go, crackers for obama! hey!" and realized what an awesome thing i just accidentally said. throughout the rest of the show we were unrepentantly joyous. we'd open the doors and people would just be running around outside, yelling and running, and the whole audience would yell back at them. i now know that animals feel rapturous glee, because that was some real primal love.

after the show, we did the interview in the above video. we were real antsy to get out and "be with the people" in the street party. at one point, in the video, there's some cheering off-camera that i look off at like "there it is again! let'sgolet'sgolet'sgo!" so look for that. we cleared out and started driving downtown but were met with a wall of revelers. buddy parked the car and we just ran into them, hugging and howling at strangers, so relieved the country came together for this mature gesture, becoming a country to many of us for the first time (and not just a place we had to endure in order to get health care). a cop was driving toward the crowd too, he got out of his car for a second, then got back in and let the people envelop him - what else could he do? a guy in american flag boxers, with his pants around his ankles, shuffled past the cop, took a swig from something in a paper bag, and put his butt on the car. beauty.

hung out with a gaggle of rad folk, notably, karen, daemond, alexis, chelsea, adam, tracey, keri, brittany, bob, and jessica. danced at a gay club, that buddy found to be less a "gay club," and more a "gay-friendly" club, much to his dismay. he took an informal poll as we were leaving and said "how many of you people are actually gay?" and three people raised their hands. he said "thank you, straight people, but you're not helping."

we went to our hotel and i fell asleep watching the news while anis typed on his computer next to my head.

THE END

the next morning i took a small plane to seattle, hung out there for three hours with the finneyfrock, tara hardy, and natalie. got to see the fantagraphics bookstore. then i went home.

i don't know if this is entertaining for you to read, but it was so important in my life to experience. i recommend everyone do "business traveling" with friends. it will make you better friends, it will make your business - in this case poetry - better, and it will give you someone to share the private parts and moments of your life with. i've always believed in the power of community and friendship to reciprocally benefit art and the world, and putting a small hunk of that community on a van was a lucky and perfect thing.

and so i miss. i wish. lucky and perfect thing.

back to the real world in chicago. thank you to everyone who exists.

this past weekend i attended an event at UW madison called Passing the Mic.  it's a spoken word festival for midwest spoken word programs, and it culminated with our kids performing alongside the UW madison first wave undergrad poets and dennis kim, kevin coval, josh healey, rafael casal, and patricia smith.  there were workshops and lots of free dorm food and a good time seemed to be had by all.  i think it's a really great thing for the kids to spend an extended period of time with brilliant mentors like dennis and patricia.  plus madison is one of my favorite runaway-from-life places.

patricia ran a workshop where the prompt was to write a persona response to the man who yelled "kill him!" at the sarah palin rally in clearwater, florida recently when she invoked barack obama.  i wrote my poem with a real dope first wave kid named mike, and though i don't have his part (told from the perspective of obama's memorial sculptor), i wrote a piece from the perspective of an alaskan moose (which was also mike's idea).  so that part of the duet is below.  i slammed with it at the green mill last night and everything.

Field Dressed for Success: The Moose Speaks

I didn't hear about it from TV -
I've never seen a TV and news
around here comes methodic and
slow satellite super delay on the
wings of terns and geese those
gossipy shit factories.

But since the daughter of my
familiar mud hopped onto the
comet tail campaign trail
I've been just a glob on a log
waiting for the next message
to descend in tern in tern a
wreck of hopeful disgust.
You. Betcha.

At first it seemed like miscommunication
like maybe the gentleman before
sister Sarah had said "thrill him" or
perhaps "krill him" - something not
unheard of around here - what better
way to calm an uppity baleen-feeding
gray or humpback or blue than with
some tasty tasty krill?  And I could
see why some might think "Obama"
was some kind of exotic restless
peace-minded submarine with innards.

Upon further discourse with the turtles -
who are so objective they're practically
objects - it became clear as water the
fellow must have said "kill him" kill
him kill him kill him kill him kill him...

This caused quite an uproar -
the fuming foxes leaping and barking
the spitting elk
the screaming mosquitoes
bears swaying their great neck cranes
from side to side even
the turtles silently shuddered.

I don't see the big deal.
This is his purpose - to
be wanted and hunted
to be killed is the key
to immortality and beauty
I've found my own purpose
is to die I've never been
so popular in my life since
this election began and
it's not a live moose that
made me famous our
death is a disease of
clean our blood is the
lipstick of pitbulls and
everyone knows what
my name means kill
him kill him kill him.

Why should she say anything?
How do you expect to understand we
odd machines if we're not dismantled?

It's like choking politely down the remainder
of brisket after the dinner party's host has just
audibly slapped his wife in the kitchen for
embarassing him.  It's like that, but the dining
room is your identity - the unbearable wreckage
of face.  Pretending to be an asshole in high
school was funny but when you weren't looking
these last ten years, you've become a real asshole.
I've been pretending to be a poet for just as long.
Look what the platypus got for all her pretending -
electrocuting shit with her MIND - batting a
thousand with her eye lashes.  At least it's free.

Throwing a toaster down the stairs isn't a
symphony, but it's definitely got a memorable
beat.  I know a boy who calls himself Toaster -
what a beautiful tune he'd make in the descent.

An animal perhaps some kind of ant or horse
was contemplating which parts of its insanity
were accidentally useful to society.  It was
ready for the Call.  I say this fully knowing
we're all basically floating wounds.  By which
I mean besides Obama we're all broken.

Or is it thirsting
Or is it Lysol clean
Or is it what I'm drinking
Or what it's bad for you
What's good for me
Or is it my car
Or is it the orange papers that appear on my car
Or is it the Universe who reclaimed the 30PSI of air I was domesticating
Or is it the groaning hobo who disagrees with my gas pedal pressure
Or is it the 121,000 miles of carbon tire marks
Or is it the bottles my floor hoards
   without message
   without water
   without sting
Or is it that I represent myself as a car owner without title

I think my wound is big enough to drive a 2002 silver Chevy Cavalier through

I think my wound is a shaving face hole
a ghost toilet paper square 
with a horrible unclosing red mouth
the knots churn
if it doesn't talk or feed
what does that horrible mouth do?
what does it want?
clearly it wants.

In the dream cafeteria
my old postmodernism professor Dr. B
laughs with me about the famous poet
and his secret sexual misadventures with
Muppets. His current students laugh
too but ours is knowing laughter theirs
nervous supine.
Dr. B asks the kids if they remember
my bear poem and one blushes:
I forgot to bring my notes on Telfer
the assigned laughters fall.
Later outside the band practice rooms
an ex-girlfriend begrudgingly announces
the winner of the contest inspired by the
poem I wrote about my car. From the crowd
I yell to ensure she gets the make model
color right. Sometimes dreams are
fucking easy to interpret.

Stanley Fish gave a lecture at my college
and said that postmodernism was bullshit
(I'm paraphrasing) and the actual Dr. B
got on the Q&A mic to defend his life
the best he could. SF also said that if
you're not an expert in something you're
basically bullshitting (I'm not paraphrasing).
He challenged everyone there to arm wrestle
his knowledge of John Milton. No one accepted.
Then he put on a striped singlet and spun
a Model-T over his head for an hour.

I wrote comic strip dialogue that goes:

Guy: Man, if you don't think ____ is a total hottie you'd have to be blind, gay, and dead!
Sarcastic Animal: John Milton?

My friend said it wasn't a good comic
strip because it essentially says
Hey! Look how much I know about
John Milton! He's right, but I neglected
to tell him that that's ALL I know about
John Milton. I'm tired of saying
John Milton. Maybe the New Yorker
would like my comic strip about
John Milton.
John Milton.

Dr. B admitted once that he'd never read
Hamlet and that at this point he'd probably
not need to. I've read Hamlet, but I don't
have a word for the kind of reading that is
saying the words in my head, but actually
thinking about how many girls I could
have sex with if I had any game – that's how
I read Hamlet Song of Myself and the first 20
pages of Paradise Lost by
John Milton.

Harold Bloom discusses Hamlet like an old
lover – one whom he remembers fondly though
briefly, as if too much discussion will remind
everyone that HB could have prevented the prince's
death if he'da just kept his big ol' egghead out
of all them books.

I've been accidentally recently publicly racist sexist
I don't have a word for prejudice with good intentions.

When I ask the young poets I teach to define
Poetry their definitions widely variate alive
polychromatic. They stop smiling and scribble
when I tell them my definition. I wish I wrote
what they define. I can't believe I corrected Erika
when she said Poetry is survival.

It's hard to say what I mean
when what I mean is quicksand lightning bugs
I mean neighborhood fragrances
I mean the birds who live in the airport
I mean potato diseases and I don't know which ones
I mean I don't know
I don't know what I mean
I'm basically bullshitting.

i finally have some decent videos up on YouTube. this would not have been possible without my bro keith kristinat editing and uploading for me, filmmaker mary scherer for shooting and mailing me the raw footage, and the band mucca pazza for inviting young chicago authors to perform with them. thanks, e'erybody!

Dyno-Dudez Theme Song

2002 Silver Chevy Cavalier

Dance

i say "uhh" too much, uhhparently.

this is not meant to be a comprehensive update on the national poetry slam but here are some highlights:

- a shitload of new poets, an equal shitload of absent old poets.  this both bodes well for the future of the movement and establishes further nps as another step into the life of a performance artist.  it's like school after college and i think that's wonderful.

-poets really growing and coming into their own - jeanann verlee and brian ellis come to mind immediately.  it's so wonderful seeing people figure out better why they were always so dope in the first place.  sierra from st. paul sounds like herself now.  the future is now!

-me calling marc after team finals and him laughing and laughing about the organizational problems.

-whoever produced three brilliant issues of the satirical gossip rag the Tattler did an excellent job. 

-danny strack having a very long conversation with my cousin, lyz, and then apologizing a lot because he has a girlfriend.

-nerd slam press!  they got some of the facts wrong (escalade?  wha?), but otherwise it's a great article.  it's been great being a part of the nerd slam for six nationals now, and it has definitely evolved into one of the highlights of my year.  it's just so much fun.  oh, and shannon performed amazingly, which confirmed my belief that she's going to be one of the best performance artists in chicago.  soon, my pretties, soon.

-chicago in general.  after the exodus that decimated our spoken word scene in '03, this is the first year i think we can say we've recovered.  kay krown and tristan silverman are a big part of that.

-story.  instead of individual finals, this year they had group piece finals for the top 12 scoring group pieces from teams not in semis.  i like that more teams get to compete in higher levels though there were some belly-achers that said it means there isn't as good a show.  whatever!

green mill was in said group piece final and considering we had only two practices before nationals (which were both 2 hours long), the only slammy group piece we had was an indy poem of iggy's about being a determined sperm. it became a group piece because marc, amy, and i had the idea to run around the audience frantically waving our arms behind us like we were iggy's spermy competition.  with two people as sperm, it looked funny enough to get it into group finals.

so we're in this big show with multiple rounds and the group piece that got us there is really just a glorified indy poem.  instead of feeling a little like charlatans since there were non-glorified indies who didn't make the final, we decided to give a green mill-style gift to the community.  when the team found out we were in the final, tim says "you guys should get 30 people to run around the audience with you as sperm."  though he was joking, he was also totally right.

so in this large theatre we strategically planted about 20 of our friends to get up on the cue line and run around like sperm in the aisles with us.  in the balcony were a shitload of YCA kids also with the sperm instructions (i'm such a great influence on young minds - use a condom kids!).  green mill was slated to perform in the second to last slot in the final, which was perfect since we were able to find out which of the teams backstage had already been eliminated from competition and could join us as well.

i was really nervous about it.  i wanted everyone to like it as a big celebration of silliness, not something to disrespect the competition (though i wish slam were more expertly, positively disrespected just a little more sometimes).  i also didn't want people in the audience to think there was a fire and that we were running around flailing in fear (like they do in Chicken Run, for instance).

iggy wins trooper of the year for letting us do this to his poem.  when we get to the cue, amy, molly, and i burst out from iggy, all the plants on the main floor and the balcony shoot up, and about 10 more poets ejaculate from backstage.  we're all running around, people are really laughing hard, tension-releasing scream-laughter.  i bang my head into the sign language interpreter's body (whose sign for what was happening was to just laugh and gesture to me as i'm butting into his belly).  dain down from jersey was carrying a whiskey bottle as a sperm.  kelsey miller ate shit and cut up her knee as a sperm (though she laughed the whole time).  amy's boobs were out of control (as a sperm).  molly and iggy and the organizers and everyone had so much fun. 

when it was done, people were chanting "12! 12! 12!" and when mike henry announced our disqualification to cheers, i came out and gave him the ABQ arm-cross.  it took a while to calm everyone down. 

if my function in this community is to make sure people keep their perspective on why we're together (through satire and sperm-silliness) i'm pretty okay with that.  i definitely come to nationals to experience great performance poetry, but without the great people you get to know, the whole experience is pointless (so to speak).  community trumps competition.  always always always.

if this wasn't so long already, i'd namedrop all the people i love and why.  i hope those people know why. 

stay pretty, pretties.  forget the ugly, pretties, your pretty is prettier. 

on friday, my grandmother was inducted into the joliet sports hall of fame for her decades of commitment to bowling in the joliet area.  as you can read in that article, she wrote about bowling for 54 years and this was her 5th hall of fame induction.  there's also a picture of her, the rest of the HOF inductees, and me and my cousin aisli standing with her on a baseball field.  the caption says it's my mom with her, but that's because i misunderstood the photographer when he asked me "who was that woman with your grandma?"  oopie doopie!

the ceremony was pretty sweet, surprisingly.  it was much like a lot of literary events i go to, with people speaking about dedicating their lives to something important and the personal/ideological lessons they've learned.  joliet likes to emphasize its "blue-collar ethic" as well, which seems like a good way to keep people humble.  among those thanked by inductees were nurses, groundsman, coaches, and the guy who designed the t-shirts.

unlike most literary events i go to, we got to watch a catered minor-league baseball game from our own private, air-conditioned box.  the joliet jackhammers were getting destroyed by fargo when i left.  but not before grandma gave me, and five little kids, her autograph.  she donated her bowling ball with a quill coming out of the thumb hole and a plaque with her picture will go on the wall of the hall of fame.  i be proud.

this summer has been busier than most as well.  the week after our wildly successful writing camp, "check the method," i went to DC for youth slam nationals (called "brave new voices" - all youth arts events have vague, hippified names that don't really describe what it is).  the kids i coach took 3rd at BNV and will be featured in an HBO documentary which may or may not be lame.  i hope they use my interview.  look for that in january.

i also went to germany with marc and the speak'easy ensemble.  it was brief and incredible.  i got to have several broken but successful german exchanges.  a major highlight was when a german poet, sebastian 23, ran up to a group of us and said, "i want to make a movie where it is iron man versus rain man.  we will call it: rust!"  we all laughed and he said, "i make joke!" and then he ran away, pumping his fists in the air. 

tonight i will be driving with my team to the national poetry slam in madison.  i am very excited to see the folk i love, perform, and am also ready to do nothing for a long time when i come home.  this is too much excitement for these old bones.  for example, i haven't seen my niece since she was born in april.  and joyce and i are moving to roscoe village.  and my mom's house goes up for sale today.  and i want to attend more of my father's 16mm movie club. 

so i guess it's not that i want to do nothing, i just want to do more things that are of little to no interest to anyone but me, the fam, and the rest of the 16mm movie club.  

divine.