It's kind of sad that, in a way, for me to "move on" from the mess, I've gotta turn away from this little piece of digital internet real estate.

But Hell, that's exactly how my blog became (in)famous: because of Elena.

Yes, we did see each other a few nights ago at a party. And as I stated earlier, I didn't feel angry, or upset at her, I just felt... almost nothing.

Up until that night, the last time I had really put thought behind Elena was on the anniversary of the Rescue Mission [Exodus, parts 1 and 2]. The day or two after we saw each other at the party, she again invaded my thoughts. This time around, I realized that while on a deep level I probably am still bitter (obvious statement, right?) it was all pretty irrelevant now. Again, times change, people change, and I have most definitely changed.

The day after the party, Elena briefly stopped by the house to drop off her cell phone. (Sidestory: just before she left for Chicago, my family added Elena to our cell phone plan. Good idea at the time, but...) It was greatly awkward, for sure, but if anything, seeing her there just made me realize that the whole debacle was long, long over.

What was unexpected, though, was that Elena had written me a letter about two weeks ago. To my surprise and astonishment, she had been thinking of me, reflecting on our relationship. All this time I knew that I had changed in the six months we were together, but I think what bothered me this whole time was whether or not she had changed; if I had changed her, as well as whether or not she knew if I had changed.

She knows, and she did change, at least that's what she wrote.

So in a way, that little nagging voice inside my head was put to peace -- I had changed so much, I was relieved, for lack of a better word, that she knew that, and relieved that she had changed too. For better or for worse.

One other thing Elena wrote was that she doesn't regret our relationship, despite how much we hurt each other. I don't think I regret our relationship either, because in those short six months, everything that took place has molded me somewhat into the oddity that I am now. I don't know who I would be now without all of that.

The only thing I do regret, however, is that I had to break up with Lorraine for all that change to take place.

I think that in the end here, after the letter and discussion, that I'm more at peace with myself and Elena than before.

And with that, this blog isn't necessary anymore. 90% of the entries, at least up until late, have delt with Elena. I have nothing to rant about now. Again, this blog was only popular because of my Elena-rants. That's all over now.

I can't think of a more fitting end than this.

http://www.myspace.com/generationprime


Edit: I wonder if anyone ever picked up on the entry titles... "Exodus" ... "Lay Down Your Burdens" ...

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My horoscope for the week, via Free Will Astrology:


I really don't know what 2008 has in store for me. Sure, I have to finish up at Specs Howard and make a single-semester return to LTU, but outside of that, I really have no idea what to expect. I do have grandiose plans in my head to do some travel; hell, I was just reading some stuff about travel in New York. But, always the pessimist/realist, this time last year I was saying that I'd be moved out of the house and traveled to Seattle by now.

So I don't know. Times have changed, people have changed, and I'm ready to move along. Enough brooding on the past, here's to the future... after I type up Part 2 tonight.

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We talked. We understood. We hugged.

And that's all there is to it. As much, and as many things, as I want to yell and scream... they're not necessary anymore. It's over. "I'm not exactly where I want to be in life... but I'm content with where I am."

I'll talk to her tomorrow. She leaves for Chicago and for Rome very soon. Honestly... this may be one of the last times I'll ever have to say the things that I want to say.

And when she said that she's going to Rome... just as she said she was going to... I didn't feel pain, jealousy, envy, or anything like that... I was truly... genuinely... proud of her. She did exactly as she said she would.

I never would've stood against that wave.

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Off of the Google (personalized) home page:

Will report back in some time tomorrow night...

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His monologue could've been a blog entry of mine; made ironic since the movie takes place in Chicago; made more ironic because I think Lorraine was the one that introduced me to the movie. Note that "Charlie" is a female character in the movie.


Ah, another point of irony, I introduced myself in one of my broadcasting classes as, "The only Asian that will listen to Johnny Cash." Anyways, just fill in the brackets with the appropraite information, and it's a decent monologue of the past year or so.

Only difference now is that unlike in the movie, where he calls her because he's at a "trying to figure it all out" stage in his life, when I reached that stage I just said screw it and moved on.

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...that someone has said/asked, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

Fuck, I don't know. Best answer I could give was, "I don't know, ask *girls name here* or *girls name here* maybe they'll know."

le sigh.

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The Christmas tree isn't even up in the house.

Leaving my only exposure to Christmas to the mall, where I've learned to tune-out 99% of my surroundings, and the media through TV and radio, where I also have selective hearing/sight.

But whatever. I'm still not expecting anything, all I got for my birthday from my family was... was... a cake?

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I just realized that besides free drinks over the past week, I haven't recieved any birthday gifts, from friends or family.

I don't care that much, really, especially from friends, but neither my mom or dad gave me anything. That kind of sucks.

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Edit: Well, I did get this from Holly, an online friend from Canada. That made me smile.

I wonder if she reads this sometimes, reading how I consider being with her my "biggest regret", and I wonder what she thinks about that, if I'm her biggest regret.

Meh, whatever. Onward to greener, less-whoreish, pastures.

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What imaginative dream will you hand me tonight?

Will I be driving with a zombie in my passenger seat?

Will I be thrown off a third-story balcony?

Will I outrun a flash flood?

Which random friend will I see again? Stevie? Lorraine? Jenny? Danielle? Dixie?

I submit myself to you, subconscious, for the past week you have left me with some of the most out-of-the-ordinary dreams that I have had in a long time. Keep me guessing.

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