I need a million dollars, Seth Rogen.  Hire me, you will benefit tenfold.  I need to change my life!  I am the dream music supervisor and motivational speaker that you dream about.

My dipsetmuthafucka account was disabled by the powers that be after BoingBoing.net posted a super blog about me that got me a shit ton of new viewers, and then...hours later, gone!  Everything gone!  I can't even log in!  I can't message any subscribers or anything!

Buy a book now to make me happy - http://HungryMike.etsy.com has them...

Remember, I'm writing 12 books this year!  I am hand binding them too!

VICE is going to interview me for the magazine this time.

I have a lot more soul than anyone else.

MOVE ON UP
Mike.

Attention people,
Smile.
Start working on what you want to do, NOW.
Tell the world what you want. 
Ask yourself WHY, why do I want this?
Do you need it?
I finished my third book, it's the first part of a trilogy entitled Life in the 20th Century.
Be nice to me, I'm only here to help.  I do my thing, you do yours.
NO MORE SHITTY ATTITUDES, please.  This is directed at the Canadians in my life.  I come down to Texas, and it's a different world.  I'm treated with respect here, there's such a chip on all your shoulders up north!  Get on the D, and vitamins too!
Where are your manners?  Where is your dignity?
As well, it is not OK to just be British.  You need to DO stuff, being a pastey shipster is nothing. 
Be good to those around you, because we are one organism, and that's the only reality that I cop to, Johnny Law.
SMARTEN UP AND FLY
 

If you want to call me a novelist, go ahead, that's fine as well.

It's called A Golden Knife in My Back and consists of a bunch of short pieces I've done over the past couple of years, but mainly over the past six months.

Here's the cover, featuring mon chaton:



Don't worry guys, I'm not going to starve to death! Mario promised to send me his first pay cheque, I feel like I should be crying, and I would be if I wasn't almost starving.  Mario, thanks a lot, I hope your parents know that you're the best teenager in New Jersey.

H Magazine here in Hamilton did a very nice interview with me.  Thanks to Amy Kenny!

Please buy my books and journals from my etsy.

Most proud of my black metal journal!

CHECK IT OUT:  ETSY IS FOR LOVVVERS!!!

Hey lepers, I finally have an Etsy shop up, and I am MIGHTY excited about making things for selling purposes now that I'm hungrier than ever.

HungryMike.etsy.com and let me know what you think!!!  Tell your pals!  I'm so hungry!!

Cheeeers!
Miiiike.

Thanks to everyone who has purchased my book and given me wonderful words to take with me to the grave.  You like my writing, you really do!

So I'm almost done a short works collection, writing, editing, layout...might be done in February!!  I don't want to rush, but I've been quite productive lately thanks to an intensive fitness regime and the swearing off of anything stupid, including alcohol.  So much more yoga, so much stretching, so much everything!!  Practicing for the big showdown between me and...wait...I need an enemy!!  Sign up sheets are at the back of the class by Gabbo, PLEASE fill in your e-mail address clearly, I KNOW it's a small space...

Here's my latest piece, hope you like!

________________________________________

Indian Rock

We will stop all your ships
for a lunar eclipse
bass, drums, guitar
and Eric’s Trip So
I can bend it
and shape it
and mold it.
No substance
Or control
No emotion, on a roll, down the boulevard
Your credit card
Nothing you can own can
Own you
Except your robot.
Two steps back for the junkie
Break your mama’s back
Whack tracks make no wax
Grindcore, Golden Axe.
Mega, alpha-omega,
Sega,
Meet Degas.
Degas,
Meet Daphne Zuniga.
Family Ties, a show she was on,
featured the deadly,
Michael J. Fox.

Altruism.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.  Yes is the only word Professor Giroux used.  Give me my money back.

I will solve your problems.

YouTube.  2009.  A new channel.  TipsFromMike.

Recession blues, blows, goats, chunks, apples, sauce, vanilla, chocolate, holy shit I JUST remembered that I have not one but TWO chocolate bars, and more episodes of Deadwood to watch.  Writers of this show, congratulations.  I one hundred percent agree with everything that you have done, miraculous.  I'm only on episode 10 of the first season though!  But thanks for all of that, I'm glad I saved your show for last. 

Speaking of Smarties, I've been writing so many jokes lately.  So so many.  I even started a new hardcore band, just me and a bunch of accountants.  We're called Crunching Numbers.

I am done!!!

This is what it looks like, the finished product:



Some people say the book is good.  One person works at a job selling cars, one is in school for Engrishee.  Some are men, and some are women, but they are all awesome, he, she, mix, who reads my book, aww shucks.

OK, send me messages offline so I can scam you all.  Do not pay more than 60 dollars for this book!  JK, I just want to make sure I can quote a price with shipping.

<3
Mike.

P.S.  Reading at Mixed Media during Art Crawl in Hamilton, March...hopefully!!!  Not that anyone from Hamilton will read this.  SHNAUZER (sic?nocare).

Been around a bunch, finished a feature (message me if you're interested), writing a novel that I'm excited about (beginning stages, but all the ideas are basically in place, really fun so far), still making videos here and there for nice people who make me SOCKS - witness, thank you, Karen!!!



Yes, so.  Most of you owe me some more love, looks like, no?  Anyway.  Other than that, been relaxin' my achin' bones, going to doctors, doing my best with the nutrition, and yoga, and stretching, so we'll see what happens...I dunno, doctors haven't been too great before, but I like the new one.

Toledo this weekend coming up, then my old friends a bit east of here for a week.  Hopefully something good happens, so do your best to make it good if you're reading this, and yeah...you know what to do, Mary Lou.  It's been too long.  HELP!

My friends on YouTube have been making some supremely humourous additions to the canon of awesomeness that I've favourited.  SCTV clips keep disappearing, and I have the DVD's but it totally bums me out.

So, I'm living, still making things, music, mixes, DJing, writing, videos, just not being so social cause of back issues.  KEEPING YOU UP TO DATE!

PEACE THE FUCK OUT///KILLUMINATI