... that I'm actually posting a blog on MySpace.

Well, I'm doing this to keep those who care updated. My girlfriend broke up with me today. We'd been going out since January 11th, 2005. It ended today, right after prom. I don't know what to say. I'm just so depressed and sad. I even thought about ending it all. I just don't know what I'm going to do without her. I got a job so I could buy her things, worked in school solely because I wanted her to stay with me and we could go to college together. I mean, I did nothing for me, I did it for her. And now I dont have any reason to do anything. I just don't know. It seems like nothing else matters anymore. The worst part is I'll never stop loving her, and yet I know she will (or maybe has already) stopped loving me. I know I've always been supportive of my friends when they went though a breakup, but when it happens to me, a person who dosen't care as much about his own life as he does the person sitting next to him, its so much different. I just don't know. I love her, and without her, life seems pointless. I know she's going after someone else, someone I hope will take good care of her. Secretly, I hope he won't take her so she'll come back, but I dont think that's the right thing. I want her to be happy, and I know I didn't make her happy enough (well, in some respects). It just hurts too much right now.

And then she called. Just then. In the middle of writing this message. We talked, and she's still nice to me. I dont know. I just went through my voicemails and was checking my saved messages just to hear her voice, and i accidentally deleted all of my messages. I cant not cry. I don't have any records of our love, except this pain I feel in my chest. Except for that, I can't feel anything. Like I touch something and I can't feel it. I had my music up loud just so I could feel the bass pulse. But I can't do that since my parents got home. I have no outlet for my pain, I don't know how to handle any of this. God, I still love her so much. I want to spend every last moment with her. All the memories, all the fun, means twice the pain now. If we hadn't been so perfect together, then leaving wouldn't hurt so much. I mean, she should realize that since it was hurting her too. I just hope she comes back before anything happens. I just hope she comes back...

Listening to: Disturbed - Overburdened

I think everyone needs to read this. Please. [this is my blog] Please refer to the Jan 18th entry.

So, yeah, I haven't been on MySpace in a while.  I am busy with school shit and managing my website.  Oh, that gives me an idea.  I'm going to do some shamless self-promotion.

 

Okay, that's enough.  If you ever get bored, go ahead and visit there.  It's pretty fun.  Okay, laters.

Because I can

I give up. I'll take ONE of these quizzes. Here.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:
Birthday:	Feb 23, 1988
Birthplace:	Houston, Texas
Current Location:	My Room, My House, Plano, Texas
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	5' 7"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Polish
The Shoes You Wore Today:	The ones I found in the dumpster..... jk
Your Weakness:	your mom
Your Fears:	your mom
Your Perfect Pizza:	in my stomach
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	2005 Mustang GT Deluxe
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Going back to sleep
Your Best Physical Feature:	Is that realy appropriate for public acces?
Your Bedtime:	Whenever I'm tired
Your Most Missed Memory:	My Friends that I've lost contact with
Pepsi or Coke:	both mixed together
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McD
Single or Group Dates:	Single, duh!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	the stuff at the Dollar store
Chocolate or Vanilla:	swirl
Cappuccino or Coffee:	neither
Do you Smoke:	err....
Do you Swear:	Fuck no.
Do you Sing:	nah
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes
Have you Been in Love:	Currently
Do you want to go to College:	Possibly
Do you want to get Married:	Someday
Do you belive in yourself:	err.........
Do you get Motion Sickness:	nope
Do you think you are Attractive:	how the hell should I know?
Are you a Health Freak:	i have cookies hidden in my room
Do you get along with your Parents:	75f the time
Do you like Thunderstorms:	only my company
Do you play an Instrument:	Drums
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	nope
In the past month have you Smoked:	PWANKER <-- Funny word
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yup
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	possibly
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	lol, yea
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	NEVER EAT THE UNCOOKED FISH!!
In the past month have you been on Stage:	nope
In the past month have you been Dumped:	thank god no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	ROFLMAO!!! no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	nope
Ever been Drunk:	nope
Ever been called a Tease:	WTF?
Ever been Beaten up:	sadly....
Ever Shoplifted:	a candy bar when I was 12
How do you want to Die:	don't bring up bad memories.........
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Be alive
What country would you most like to Visit:	Pole-Land
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	dont care
Favourite Hair Color:	dont care again
Short or Long Hair:	also dont care
Height:	shorter than me
Weight:	dont care about that either
Best Clothing Style:	dun care
Number of Drugs I have taken:	only the one's my doctor gives me
Number of CDs I own:	only blank ones, my iPod does the rest
Number of Piercings:	0
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	where's the infinity key?
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Wow, today has been interesting. So, school was a no-brainer, literally. As usual I did absolutely nothing since I just plain don't want to. Got kinda depressed for no reason for a bit, but cheered up after a little caffiene and watching Ed torture Yi with a wombat. (Seriously) So anyways, me, Steven, Bob, Sipes, and Dave went to GameWyze today. I didn't have as much fun as I normally do, seeing as I don't like playing Star Wars: Battlefront as obsessively as the others do. I wanted to play in Melee but I didn't have a controller. That's OK. I would've done worse than sipes (heaven forbid). Haven't ever played Super Smash Brothers except on the N64. Anyways, after GameWyze, me Steven and Sipes went to Soprano's italian food, and...... ate. What else would you do in a restaurant? Well.... nevermind. Regardless of what COULD be done in a restaurant, we just ate, lol. The owner, who is the kindest person, told me that I'm so nice that I can come back and get free food if I want. Of course I won't because I want these guys to be in business forever. Anyways, we got into some "guy talk" that extended for about 1.5 hours, most of which took place in my car while burning my ever-expensive gas (1 tank = $65!!!!! ONE TANK A WEEK!!!!). But, I was able to have a good time with my friends, something I havent done in a while. So, I got home, and went to my room to get on the computer, as I always do, and Carlos signs on. I haven't talked to Carlos in ages, and I'd been meaning to, so I went and said hello. We talked a whole 7 or so lines on AIM since he isn't big on the IMing thing, but we talked regardless. Then I saw that Gerald was online, and I went and looked at his profile. There was a MySpace link in it. See, I've used MySpace since like September or so, and I had not even known that he used MySpace. So I clicked on his link and looked around his profile. I sent him a message, and then got this idea: if Gerald is on MySpace, is there anyone else from Fairhill on? So I explore his friends list and OMG MY IDEA WAS RIGHT!! Needless to say I sent a few messages. So hey guys. Now I'm sitting here typing this, talking to Paul on AIM b/c phone charges to Seattle would gouge my eyes out, and listening to System of a Down - Aerials. And I have to clean my room for tomorrow.

Brrr, it's cold. <-- That's cool Well, my day was OK. Annoyed people with "wanker". Did OK on a math quiz. Lunch was fun. Brookje had to stay after school, so blah. And yea. Bored. Halo/UT2003/NFS:U Time!!

Most of the day oas okay, but now my day has gone to the shit. My parents are bitching at me every 5 minutes going "Why aren't you doing something productive?!" or "Do you want to live on the streets for the rest of your life? That's what's gunna happen if you dont start working!!!" etc, etc. It gets really annoying. ::sigh:: Oh well. Hi Brooke!!