I wrote that the other day while arguing with myself into my notebook about why some people find it so easy to ignore things like honesty and loyalty and still seem to carry on appearing just as comfortable as anyone else, while others, as in my case, can be accused of being, "Loyal to a fault" and "Brutally honest."  Both of these are attributes of mine because of how uncomfortable I would be in my own conscience if I were anything but.

I know a lot of people that love to say, "One day at a time" as an offering of hope or advice and I know a lot of people who count days since a day some time ago or until a day sometime in the future.  I'm more the kind of guy who likes to take things as a whole and not splitting everything up into easily counted sections.     
   

This is day ten thousand three hundred and seventy two.  When I see my life written out like that it really doesn't seem very long at all but when I think about all that's led up to now I don't get that same effect.  It's amazing how much can be fit into such a short time.  Much like when you have those dreams that seem like a full-length movie but somehow fit in between a 9 min snooze button interval.  I'll take the full-length movie over the nine-minute trailer any day. 

possibly the cover to my upcoming book:

I've picked enough scabs and tasted enough of my own blood to realize that all this scratching at the surface always only leaves me with a more prominent scar. 

Whether I think I can force myself to forget certain things and move on is irrelevant to the fact that my mind will go wherever it decides and in doing so I will acquire all the emotional souvenirs that comes with all its time travel.  I can sit and repeat to myself the typical slogans of, "Just let go" or "Let it be" but the fact that I have to sit and remind myself of such slogans shows I haven't done much of either.  I realize now more than ever that I will always carry with me all that I'm made up of.  Whether good or bad, wanted or unwanted and knowing there isn't much room for negotiation on my capacity for one or the other.  

Believe me,  knowing this doesn't take away the instinctual wanting to revert back to childish reactions of stomping my feet and whining, "This isn't fair."  Which I'll admit, does seem a much easier slogan to repeat and believe in.  But all in all I think a time does come and may have just arrived in which you stand up and realize there's just something much bigger happening, bigger than feelings, bigger than emotions and bigger than me and it is time to just take some things for what they are, not because it's right, not because it's fair and certainly not because I feel redeemed but because the time has come where all that matters is no longer just me and with that comes the obligation to move my focus to what can be and away from what has already been done.   

There's a thin gray road that cuts through the cemetery lined with stones that are marked with names and clever sayings that most times relate life to death.  A lot of the time I'll read them and wish I had thought them up.  Sometimes I wonder what my clever stone might read.  I suppose I could write something, at least then it would be one less wish I missed out on.  On the other hand I'm not sure I'd want anything written on it at all.  This thin gray road does a pretty good job relating life to death. 

As you might already know, I'll be running the 2007 Boston Marathon to help support the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.  All the money I raise will go directly to their program and will make a difference.  If you would like to make a donation go to http://www.firstgiving.com/DaveBreslin  Donating through this website is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to support my goal.  Every dollar counts and will be greatly appreciated. 

To learn more about the charity go to www.Mspcc.org

Many thanks for your support -- and feel free to forward this to anyone who you think might want to donate too!

-Dave Breslin