An Ode to Cardboard
Reader, lend me your ear! I have had what can only be described as a spiritual awakening and I feel it is my duty to wake you from your slumber too. For too long have the masses lived in ignorance! We walk around day-to-day without ever taking the time to stop and appreciate the little things that make life worth living. So read on and join me in praising the modern day deity that is…Cardboard!
"Cardboard?" I hear you say, "that's nothing to shout about." Oh but it is! I too once lived a life that did not pay credit to this durable delight. I too took this paper-based material for granted…but no more! A strange apparition came but a few days ago while I lie in bed with my girlfriend, and it has changed the way I look at the world in which we live today. I was explaining to her how I could write an article on any subject she deemed fit and rant about it for as long as need be when she jokingly suggested the topic of Cardboard. But just take a moment to try and imagine a world without Cardboard…what a sad place that would be! We come into contact with this revolutionary material every day but we never acknowledge just how much of an impact it has on our lives and just how difficult our lives would be if it wasn't around. I'm going to take you on a journey on which you will be enlightened, excited, scared...and who knows, you may even be entertained!
Cardboard has been around for many, many years. The first cardboard box was produced in the UK in 1817 by Sir Malcolm Thornhill and the first cardboard box was later manufactured in the United States in 1895. There is however evidence to suggest that Cardboard has been in use long before that. It has been rumoured that Jesus himself was working towards the design of the Cardboard box before his untimely death…Could such radical thinking be the real reason our saviour was strewn upon that cross? The Cardboard box would have made the transportation of goods at such a time cheaper, easier and generally more economical all round. Wooden boxes and many other packaging options would have become obsolete, so does it not make sense that the money-hungry Jews at the time of Christ would oppose such a drastic change to the systems in place? Could they have opposed it enough to cook up a conspiracy in which they depicted Jesus as a mentalist who claimed to be the son of something called a "God"? A "God" who created the entire world and everyone in it by some kind of trickery and magic…this kind of tale, if heard by the right people, would surely have Jesus hanging from the highest cross in Golgotha! And it did! So next time you lay your eyes on the holy book, enter a church or wear a cross on your chest, remember this; Jesus did not die for our sins…he died for Cardboard!
Cardboard is a most versatile substance. It can be used for an infinite number of purposes. We all know and love the wonder that is the Cardboard box, but this tree has many branches. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Fathers Day…what do all these occasions have in common? The Card of course! Card is the Cardboards slimmer cousin. It makes those special occasions such as birthdays that little bit more special. Proving itself year after year to be a timeless and aesthetically pleasing surface for millions of people to express their thoughts, feelings and gratitude to each other. I ask you…is there any other gesture in the world that fills you with more warmth than receiving a card?
Cardboard has also played an important part in the battle against childhood obesity. Childhood obesity rates in the UK are soaring. This is extremely worrying as obesity can cause heart disease, osteoarthritis and some cancers, just look at these statistics:
- Worldwide over 22 million children under five are severely overweight.
- In the UK there are around 1 million obese children under 16 years of age.
- Estimates indicate that, if current trends continue, at least one fifth of boys and one third of girls will be obese by 2020.
- Every year the health service spends at least £2 billion on treating ill health caused by poor diet.
"But what does childhood obesity have to do with Cardboard?!" I hear you ask. Well I shall tell you. Children who frequently consume cereal are less likely to be overweight, according to the findings of a new study published in today's Journal of the American Dietetic Association. Cereal eaters were found to have a lower body mass index (BMI) and a higher nutrient intake than infrequent or non-cereal eaters. The study, which included 603 children aged 4 to 12 years, examined the relationship between cereal consumption habits and BMI of school-aged children. Although cereal is a prevalent food in the diet of children, especially at breakfast, little or no research has been previously conducted to ascertain the relationship between consumption patterns and childhood obesity. Results of the study concluded that children who consumed eight or more servings of cereal within a period of two weeks had significantly lower BMIs compared to the children who consumed fewer servings during that same time. Statistically, nearly 80 per cent of the children who frequently consumed cereal boasted an appropriate body weight for their age and gender. "For an average 10-year-old boy, the decision to eat cereal or not can equate to about a 12-pound difference," said G Harvey Anderson, the co-author of the study and a professor of nutrition at the University of Toronto…and what is it that makes the distribution of Cereal possible? That's right! The Cardboard box!
Cardboard plays a vital part in fighting childhood obesity. Not only does it enable the cereal to be transported quickly, effectively and cheaply…it also doubles as a canvas on which the cereal producers can paint any number of attractive characters, slogans or gimmicks to attract fat, unsuspecting children! Through the use of colourful slogans and intriguing pictures, children will be unable to resist the temptations posed by the cereal box! Cardboard is an advertiser's wet dream! Cereal transported via other methods, in a wooden crate for example, may just slip through any open cracks…our motorways then face the risk of being covered with Frosties, Corn Flakes, Special K & Coco Pops amongst many other cereals that spilled from Lorries attempting to carry these delicious cereals to their desired destinations. This could possibly cause unstable road surfaces and therefore accidents on the roads that may even result in death! Imagine receiving a call from your loved one in which they explain to you how your child has died because they lost control of the car they were driving after hitting a Corn Flake patch on the M1 motorway…thankfully, such a tragic tale will never have to be told, thanks to the cardboard packaging methods employed by the cereal distributors of today's modern age!
The world we live in today is scary and dangerous. We live in a place where crimes like murder, theft and rape are commonplace, so it is essential that we are able to protect ourselves. Picture this; you're walking home late one night after seeing some friends. Out of nowhere an attacker emerges from a darkened alleyway. What do you do? Pull out your gun or knife…risk taking a human life and going to prison? Why bother…Cardboard can help here too! A variety of weaponry can be made using just Cardboard…in fact, you can use the Cardboard tube you find at the end of your tinfoil roll to immobilise an attacker in an instant if you employ the right kind of defence/attack techniques. I'm not condoning the use of violence…but sometimes situations arise where drastic measures need to be taken, and the cardboard tube is there to help out when such an occasion ensues.
Cardboard can also be used to take the financial weight put on your shoulders from the loss of a loved one. Cardboard coffins can be purchased at a fraction of the price of a normal coffin and you can decorate them in any way you see fit! Any picture or slogan you wish to paint on the coffin can be done! It's the most versatile way to say "Goodbye" and it's environmentally friendly. To buy your Cardboard coffin now, just visit the following website: http://www.funeralsearch.co.uk/cardboard-coffins.php
I hope you too now understand the significance of such a product. If you do, then do not be selfish, you can give something back! The beautiful thing about Cardboard is that it is also a recyclable material, which is an important point to make at a time when the Earth is in need of some help to conserve her natural resources! I only hope that this article on Cardboard has touched you in the way that cardboard touched me…maybe then the message will cascade to other people and we can one day be part of a world that pays homage to this unsung hero of the modern world.