For those of you who are wondering, I've gone full- time free-lance artist, as well as running my company, NakatomiInc.com.  Over there, we have a blog called 'The Stuff'  and I'm in the process of re-assembling a team of bloggers to each tackle a column a week.  If you're my buddy, and want to write with me whatever crazy stuff you think would fit, shoot me an email over there!

Or, if you just want to read what I'm writing- go over to www.nakatomiinc.com and check it out! 

This Blog here in myspace-land will most likely remain inert unless I think of something I just HAVE to write about that wouldn't fit with Nakatomi.  But yeah, head on over there and let me know what you think!

So...this one was fun.  An old school-mate sent me the below email...I guess to make me waver on my atheist ways.  My response is below.  I'm sure I missed some of the more obvious logical fallacies...care to help me out?
-


Science vs. God}

'Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ.' The
atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks
one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a
moment.

'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you
can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you
could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He
doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even
though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm?
Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of
water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again. Young fella, is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student : 'From...God...'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there
evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created
everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to
the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: 'Is
there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible
things, do they exist in this world?'

The student: 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his
question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer.

Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom.
The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in
Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice is confident: 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use
to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen
Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt
your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ,
or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable
protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to
that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem
science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of
his own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The
room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat,
unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't
have anything called 'cold'. We can drop down to 458 degrees below zero,
which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no
such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the
lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when
it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter
have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence
of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the
absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in
thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of
heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom,
sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if
it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the
absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright
light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing
and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to
define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be
able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This
will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed
to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed?
Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains.
'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a
bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite,
something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.
It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully
understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be
ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

The student continues, 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your
students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young
man, yes, of course I do'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he
realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and
cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you
not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist... but a
preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the
commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student,
let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who
has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into
laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, tasted
the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No
one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of
empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have
no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no
brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student,
his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess
you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists
with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as
evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see
it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It
is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.
These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least
it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It
is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the
absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man
does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that
comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is
no light.'

The professor sat down.


Oh Steve...I love ya buddy, but this is easily discarded as a giant example of what happens when the religious attempts to 'catch' science w/ out ever fully understanding anything about science.  

1st up, Science does not disprove God.  Science cannot prove a negative.  It's just not how it's done.  

2nd- Science takes NOTHING on faith.  Everything is testable, and infinitely repeatable.

From what I can tell, this religious tract you sent me is taken from some website or such that is attempting to give believers ammo to debate atheists and agnostics with.  

Well, they really, REALLY should have done their homework.

Science DOES fully understand how electricity and magnetism works.  You can google that shit.  For reals.  The simplest electrical engineer should be able to explain it.  Wikipedia helps, too-

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnetism

And, not only is there an extensive fossil record of transitory fossils that allows us to see evolution through time on a macro scale, evolution has been accomplished in a lab on a micro scale.  Because of the rapid life cycle of the E.Coli bacteria, it was possible to watch a particular strain evolve from not being able to digest citrate to THRIVING on it.  But don't take my word for it-

http://www.smm.org/buzz/blog/scientists-witness-evolution-lab

So, yeah...there's that.  

See, the way faith works is "just believe it."  But Science ALWAYS works on "prove it."  And not just once...that proof has to be INFINITELY repeatable...or it doesn't pass peer review.  

And the most galling 'argument' in this laughable missive is the 'does the professor have a brain' bit.  My theory is that if the student took a claw hammer, he could crack that professor's skull wide open, and see a brain inside.  There's a simple scientific test there.  And, it's infinitely repeatable.  (As long as you don't run out of skulls to crack.)  That's how science works!  It takes NOTHING on faith.

What you CAN'T do is take a hammer to the world, and crack it open and see god.  You just can't.  There is no test one can do to prove god...it is untestable.  You'll have to take god on faith.  

Also on faith, you'll have to take the existence of the flying spaghetti monster, bigfoot, and the 9-11 conspiracy.  Do you know why?  There IS NO FUCKING PROOF.  All these untestable, unproven theories are equal.  God and Bigfoot, hanging out in Atlantis, planning to blow up the twin towers.  

Come on, Steve...you can do better than that.

Hit me.

So, I did a print for the Alamo Drafthouse that was actually 6 smaller prints in one.  WELL- I got so many requests for JUST the Robocop on a Unicorn print, that I decided to sell it on it's own-

Poster+Shipping Options

Poster+US Shipping $20.00     Poster+Canada Shipping $24.99     Poster+International Shipping $30.00

Print measures 12" square, 3 color silkscreen, signed and numbered by me, and is a limited print run.

Will ship well protected!

Now, I guess she was trying to explain how there's too much 'pork' in Washington, but the real bacon fat seems to be between her ears.

Ignorance of science abounds.  Read the aritcle-

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24573135-5000117,00.html

Or just this snippet will do-

Yet the fruit fly is widely acknowledged as one of the most useful organisms known to man in terms of measuring disease-causing human genes.

Such research may help prevent the down syndrome her child suffers.

"This is the most mindless, ignorant, uninformed comment we have seen from Governor Palin so far and there's been a lot of competition for that prize," said Richard Wolffe, White House correspondent for Newsweek."

So...yeah.  I'm not going to argue her politics, but there's no excuse for being scientifically ignorant in this day and age.  Especially if she's going to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

On top of her abhorrent Creationist stance (The world is only 6K years old, and Dinosaurs walked the earth with man) and her as-of-yet unaddressed reported book-bannings in Alaska...this woman is the pure anti-intellectual spokes-model that the vast unwashed in the ignorance belt can get behind. 

Get your ass to the polls and vote, or I can NOT be your friend.  Like, really.  Sitting this one out is inexcusable.

So, here's a problem with being a Christian (or any religion at all, to be honest).  And I don't want to be seen as picking on Christians, but that's what I was brought up as, so 'better the devil you know'...

Don't worry, I hate Islam just as much, but I don't think I have the authority to speak on it yet...But you guys are nuts too.

So-

Jesus is love, right?  And he answers prayers, right?  And he takes care of children all over the world.  'Jesus Loves the Little Children' comes to mind.

So, Okay...what about non-christian children?  Does God not care about them?  1000's and 1000's of children died during the Holocaust.  Why didn't Jesus step in?  Why didn't he ride down on his firey chariot and 'fix it'?  Did the children not pray properly?  Was it because the children were mainly Jewish?  Does god have a grudge agains the Jews?  Is God just a dick?

Because, see, what it comes down to is there is either a God who helps you out and rewards good behaviour, REGARDLESS of faith...or there is no God.  There is a third option, a God who does exist, but doesn't intervene for the good of anyone...but what good is that?  That's like having a 911 operator that just whispers sweet nothings in your ear as your wife lays bleeding out on the pavement, the result of a drunken driving accident...as the light dims in her eyes and she takes her last breath, the ineffectual good for nothing piece of shit on the phone says 'Make sure you tithe 10% to your church!'

So yeah, you see where I'm going with this...If God exists, he's a piece of shit.  But come on...use your brain.

Of course, I guess Christian Bale Jesus might have a thing or two to say on the subject on why he let all those children die in the Holocaust-

Okay, so, you're on a plane on September 11th, 2001.  Terrorists take it over, you start praying.  God doesn't answer, your plane hits a building, and you're dead.

So, which of the following is more likely?

Either-

A: God is real, but he doesn't answer your prayers, in which case, he's a dick.

B: There is a God, but the Devil was at work in the terrorists, and that's why evil things happened that day.  But the problem here is, God can do anything, so why didn't he stop the Devil or the Terrorists...which means this is more of a subset of answer A- God is real but doesn't answer your prayers, he's a dick.

C: God supports Terrorists.

D: God is punishing you and America for all your sinning, and everyone who died that day, you, man, woman, child, dog, firefighter, pilot, etc, had committed sins worth dying for.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

E: God works in mysterious ways.  Ways so mysterious, that there can't possibly anything that we as humans could understand or learn from this experience.  God's mysterous ways makes us doubt his existence and lets us wonder if we're only put here on this earth to suffer and die for his sick perverted entertainment.  His mysterious ways can't possibly be questioned by us, because who are we other than his chosen people, his shining creation, left to fall into ruin and entropy, to be a shambling mass of flesh, united in glorifying his obscene supremacy.  OH LOOK AT YOU GOD!  YOU GOT US AGAIN, YOU MURDEROUS PRANKSTER!  PRAISE BE TO YOU!

or

F: There is no God.

Hmmm...I'm thinking F.  Of course, Jesus below has a different answer-

Oh, Jesus...you're such a cut-up!  Ha hA!

First, watch this- it's less than 5 mins...and it's important.

...

James Randi is my hero. 

Now, why religion kills.  You might say, "Hey, buzzkill, why don't you just let people believe what they want to believe, and let it go.  It's not doing any harm!"

If you watched that video, you'll see about halfway through, there's 2 hispanic ladies who say 'They now believe their cancer is cured.'  Why?  'Because God does not lie.'

Well...this is why religion kills.  And how.  See, these people will go home.  They might honestly believe their cancer is cured.  So, what happens if they stop going to their doctors?  What happens if they stop treatment?  What happens if their doctor tells them that if they don't come back and continue treatment, they are going to die, and they say 'No, meester...the preacher man with the good hair touched our foreheads...we're all good now.'

You know what happens?  They die.  Religion was the murder weapon, and Peter Popoff was the killer.  And the main accessory?  Those women's faith. 

The same thing happens when people believe in homeopathy, acupuncture, de-toxification, reflexology, and whatever medical flim-flam is out there captures people's imagination.  There is always going to be a segment of the population that falls for that BS so hard, that they do that instead of REAL fact-based medicine, and they will die.

Now,  I could be a total asshole and say 'hey, that's natural selection at it's most advanced, anyone stupid enough to believe the magical man in the sky or a bottle of 'magic water' is going to cure their tumor kinda get's what's coming.'

But that would be me being an asshole, and that wouldn't be nice.  It's like pointing out a mole on someone's face...it might be completely true and obvious (heck, even pre-cancerous) but you just don't point it out. 

Here's a list of things that are true-

Homeopathy is a fraud.

Most "Natural" remedies DON'T work.

"Airborne' cold remedy is a fraud.

Acupuncture has been disproven as in double blind studies.

Vaccines DON'T cause Autism.

Mercury has been removed from vaccines for children (MMR) and yet, Autism is still on the rise, due to increased access to healthcare and a broadening diagnosis.

There is NO 9-11 conspiracy.

Uri Geller has no psychic powers.

Scientology is a CULT, and was founded on a bet. 

Jon Edward does NOT talk to the dead.  He practices 'cold reading', an old carnival sideshow trick.  He films a 4 hour show and cuts it down to one hour, making him look better and more accurate than he actually is.  

Sylvia Browne is a psychic fraud as well, and despite her claims, has NEVER actually helped solve a crime.

Dowsing / Divining rods do NOT work. 

Nettie pots DO work, not because it's 'ancient wisdom', but because proper use of it flushes out an infected sinus cavity. 

Vitamin supplements only result in expensive urine.  The majority of vitamins in daily supplements can't be absorbed through pills.

If a member of Amway or Mary Kay or whatever "retail cult" they joined got 5 people to join, and they got 5 people, and so on to the 14th level...that would require the entire population of the world.  In other words...NO ONE makes money in pyramid schemes.

All of this is real. 

Hate to be a downer, but it's better to live in the real world, eh?

More to come.

So, the problem with box wine...

Angie picked up a DELICIOUS box of Pino Grigo from HEB Hancock.  Now, for those of you who don’t frequent the fine establishement of HEB Hancock, you wouldn’t know about STEVE’S PICKS.  Steve is the wine steward at this particular grocery store.  Even though I’ve moved to the far East side of Austin, I LOVE HEB Hancock.  It’s just...got something special.  Mainly co-eds shopping all hours of the day and night.  But that’s another story.

Steve picks the best, cheapest freaking wine in the world.  And, at heart, I am a wino, and Angie’s riding the wino train with me.

So, she brought home a box.  The neat thing about box wine, is that if you REALLY want to, you can take the bag out of the box, and make like a giant Capri-Sun of wine.  Years ago, someone described it to me as the ’Bagpipe’.  Bagpipe, in that you can take the bag of wine in the box, place it under your arm, put the spigot in your mouth, and squeeze to your heart’s content.

This is a bonus, and not a problem.

The problem is that with BOX WINE, you have no idea how much wine you’ve actually drank.  When you can get the equivalent of 4 bottles for 14 bucks, all in a box, you’re looking at trouble.  See, with a bottle, you can visually see how much you’ve been drinking.  Like- "Jesus fucking christ...I killed a whole bottle by myself?  FUCK!"  But with that box...that bagpipe of flavor, you’ve got no visual reference.

So, after an AMAZING home-cooked dinner of BLOODY freaking steak (how I like it) Asparagus, Mushrooms, and potatoes, courtesy of my lovely lady, Angie...during which we watched 3 episodes of free, streaming South Park from Southparkstudios.com, I found myself FREAKING SMASHED and in immediate need of sleep.

Which I did.

So foward a few hours, and I’m in blissful, drunken sleep, and I get 5 back-to-back calls from friends Lars Nelsen, Chris Popkof, Daniel Kerr, Jasmine Baker, and Bob Ha.  What’s going on?  No, there’s not been a fire or a national tragedy... In fact, what happened is that Kayla has told everyone about the now legendary trip I took to LA to screen Boogie Nights with the Rolling Roadshow crew.  Legendary not for the screening, or PT Anderson’s attendance, but legendary because of RETARD KARAOKE.  See, the RRS crew was staying at a Best Western in LA that was attached to an Arcade, Bowling Alley, and All-night diner.  Across the street was 2 donut shops and a strip club.  So, as you can imagine, I was in HEAVEN.  And, little known to us, in the Bowling Alley’s bar, there was a nightly Karaoke.  And on one of the nights we were staying there, in this palace of awesome, there was a regular weekly meet-up of disabled persons.  And these particular severly disabled (some helmet-adorned) patrons, loved to sing.

Sing Karaoke.

So Kayla is telling all these people about this, and of course, I’m passed out drunk on box wine, and they all decide to call me for some goddamned reason...and I realize...this wouldn’t happen if I had a normal bottle of wine.

So yeah, retarded helmet wearing box wine motherfuckers always screw up my me time.

That makes sense, ’cause I’m drinkenstein.

Wow... I really don't know how much more I can take it.  What? Glittery pictures.  It's really embarrassing.  Like putting crappy sparkles on your family photos doesn't make the memories any better.  See- take a look-


  

As a man who might be getting married before he dies, here's a word of advice.

If you are about to marry a woman, and she says "This is / will be the most important day in my life!"  RUN THE FUCK AWAY. 

Think about it- If her wedding is the most important day in her life, it will be ALL downhill from there.  She's lived her whole fairy princess life to get to that point...from that moment on, it's all disappointment.  Did she seriously not imagine doing ANYTHING with her life that could POSSIBLY eclipse the rather common and pedestrian act of getting married?  That's a serious warning sign. 

And, if she hasn't done anything up until that point more important than getting married to your sorry ass...than she sure as fuck isn't worth getting married to, now is she?  Way to put a feather in your cap, dumbass!

Same thing goes for guys- if some dude says, "This is the most important day in my life..." ABORT! ABORT!

Time and fucking time again, I hear from people who say that the most important day in their life was when they got married.  JESUS FUCK!  Snooze alarm. 

I'm not saying it shouldn't be a profound day, or even a great day...but it's not exactly a life-determining day.  No great choices are made that day.  For me, if and when Angie and I finally get hitched up, it'll be an afterthought, a formality.  A silly little bit of ritual...barely containing meaning in the face of the bond we actually share.

If you're getting married not feeling that...maybe you should re-evaluate, eh?

The only reason to marry a princess is if you going to inherit large amounts of British property and livestock...not some shrill burned-out cow.


....