mondays are nothing but pain and desolation. even more when it's raining cats and dogs when you wake up. You wish for a nice breakfast, with waffles and syrup and cream and stuff, but noooooooooooooo.... you get two cold hard bitches of a toast and some cold shriveled bacon. then you're off to fight with the rush hour people and spend an hour or so looking for parking. no time for coffee, off to the 2 hour lab.. faaantastic.

this is why i love mondays

FROM WORK:

-cling wrap only stick to itself, cheese, the bench top, gloves, and pretty much everything else you don't want it to stick to

- "quick quick quick...concentrate!"

-if you can't count properly, you can't play guitar

FROM NURSING

-smoking is apparently bad for you

-hunger is NOT your friend

-never put your phone in your back pocket, you might drop it in the toilet (like i did this morning and now my phone is dead..=( )

FROM RUBY ROOM

-there's no such thing as too little clothing in winter ( i wore an LBD and stockings.. i felt sooo overdressed)

-don't ever get too drunk and do things jesus wouldn't

-blow jobs are gooooooooooooood

ok, well maybe i'm not in the best of shape, but i'm not NOT in shape! ... anyway! this method has worked for me and i have don't have an unhealthy BMI, so it must work right? it doesnt involve starving oneself, throwing up or rigorous exercise... ohh yeah.. so so..

-eat WHATEVER you want, stop when you're full. (for me it's usually a whole pizza or a footlong sub)

-put a stereo in your bathroom dance around just before you take a shower.

-hell, dance around whenever (wherever) nobody's looking

-get drunk and dance (or pretend to be drunk and dance, if you're driving) whenever you go out

-drink diet stuff only

-substitute all sugary snacks with biltong and cheese (not together... but whatever floats ya boat).

-watch things that'll keep you laughing for 2hours straight (russell peters or dave chapelle or chaser's marathon recommended) it'll give you that washboard stomach you've been dreaming of.

-whenever you can, skip, don't walk.

-take public transports (i don't do this anymore.. public transport is for mere mortals).

-buy a rabbit, set it loose in your mother's beloved garden, and try to find and catch it before sundown while trying not to get killed by the rose bushes (ok this IS rigorous exercise, i do this about twice a year, i usually pay my brother to do it).

-wear high heels, go out with a group of guys, and try to keep up.

-leave your car/house keys around, it'll get you up and running around the house trying to find it in the morning.

-the same with mascara.

-don't waste your time trying to get laid, the whole sex makes you lose weight thing is a myth. Watch porn and laugh at it. again.. flat stomach!

-don't use the remote control, walking up to change the channel/adjust the volume burns about 8kj, imagine the calories you're burning if you have to do it 125,078,964 times.

-get boots and super tight tights. i swear putting them on burns calories.

Well that's all from me for today, if you have other "tricks" for losing weight/keeping in shape, do tell!

kiss kiss hug hug

moi