so far since july 26th I have lost about 35 pounds and they are schedualing my surgery for jan, '1O. I an much more prepared than I was in july and even though I have slacked a tiny bit the last week, I an determined to get totally back on track. I haven't gained this week, but I also have not lost much either.

we spent the evening at mulligan's and this time instead of being faced with just one guy I desire who has no interest in me there were two. As usual they like me as friends and nothing more which makes it hard to not like them. I guess it just feels as if I only have a very short time to enjoy the sexual and sensual aspects of my life what with my surgery likely to happen in january 2O1O if I continue to lose at this rate. I want to enjoy myself as much as I can but drinking just isn't an option, not just because of the diet but because I have come to realize that I have a pretty serious drinking problem in that I really desire to drink often not just Want to drink once in a while.

no really, I have lost half of what they want me to lose to have my surgery, personally I want to aim for losing 50 pounds before they do it since every pound I lose helps.
I have been on the South beach diet phase one which is the most stringent for 2 weeks and now I am on sort of phase 1 1/2.
Usually after 2 weeks you add fruit and more complex grain a little each day, in the last week I have had one cup of old fashion oats and 4 days later an apple with cream cheese.  I guess I am sort of afraid to give in to fruit and semi simple carbs on a regular basis since even with a bad cold I am feeling great.
I am on Phentermine, a mild diet drug and have to watch to make sure it is not making me manic, if anything I have been in a great mood but Sleeping a LOT due to bronchitis (which probably did not hurt my diet since it kills your appitite to be coughing and sniffing all day)
I hope to have my surgery AFTER Halloween, not for the candy but for the fun I have with it.

T

my surgery was postponed until I lose 33 pounds and now I am on the south beach diet and feel good about it and I am doing great.
In the long run I think it is hte best thing that could have happened, I was not emotionally ready and was doing it cause I felt I had to, I still think I HAVE to do this but now I realize I want it also.
I was not ready physically, I had gained weight and was not eating well, this diet is putting me on the road to eating well, large ammounts of protien, complex carbs and dairy with no simple carbs and I am actually sticking with it for once.
Also I would have had my surgery a few days ago but I have a severe cold and lung gunk and that would have been miserable if I had it right after surgery.

I will let you know how it goes and i hope to have my surgery around the end of the year or in Jan if I can keep up the weight loss.

It is lovely out here our first 8O degree day of the year

Tomorrow I get to get up at 5am and be at the hospital in time to get to the nuclear medicine dept by 6:3O in the morning, a few hours after I normally go to bed. I will get injected with a dye of some sort and scaned for up to two hours if they have to do the tests twice which they seem to think is a possiblity. So that explains why I cant eat or drink after midnight tonight but not why I an so damned thirsty when I have been drinking water all night. Then just to make things more fun I get to do the same basic thing again thursday morning, this time they will give me stuff to amp up my heart rate and watch it on thier machines. At least that test is at 7:45am oh I can sleep in! But it means no caffeine till after the thursday test and another night of nothing to eat or drink at all after midnight. Oh well at least we will know if there is actually something wrong with me.

Do you ever get the impression you should follow your moms advice and not say anything if you know it will start something?
 
I am in bed typing what was going to be a long and rather aggressive blog (on my phone) on how it seem like a lot of people around me are eating up drama with a spoon.
 
A blog that was likely to piss off quite a few people (by name) more than is probably even worth it. And as I began to really get in to it and start digging my grave I realized something.
 
I WAS TYPING IN THE SUBJECT BOX.
 
The entire diatribe was in the wrong place and too long to even publish so that I could use the computer later to move it all.
 
So I take this as a sign to just say this, I vow to TRY to no longer get involved in other peoples drama and to not give in to the drama bug and to not dump my crap on others if I can help it. (hey I am human)
It is probably just as well since what I originally wrote would of just made more drama.

sometimes when i get stressed out in public i sort of shut down, i get very quiet and distant. the phone net lets me sit there and read or twitter or even blog which keep me from freaking out completely. Sometimes i just look up random junk or words. thankfully my battery is pretty strong and i can browse for a few hours strait before really defeating it.