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The Life Of A Single Mom Someday I will write a book about all of this!! :)

Its The Climb...



Last Updated: 10/16/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Divorced
Age: 28
Sign: Aquarius

City: CHICKASHA
State: Oklahoma
Country: US
Signup Date: 3/27/2006

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Tuesday, February 10, 2009 

Current mood:  excited
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
YAY!!! I miss my class, I miss Mrs. Carolyn...  I miss the school...  I MISS IT ALL!! I am bored stiff and I dont care that I am still sore and nursing bones that have to be nursed but my dr said yes, just take it easy on the lifting and you will be good... WOOHOO!!!!  I cant WAIT!!!  It's Valentine's Week and we are gonna have so much fun and I am like a kid in a candy store...  I've never been this excited about working in my entire life...  Ive waited for this and worked for this for soooo long...  Therapy PT and OT 4 times a week, all the pain and frustration to get back to the kids in my class...  This is my calling and I feel like NOTHING without it...  I will probably be happier than the kids tomorrow...  Bet ya anything I will be!!  Bet ya anything!!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009 

Current mood:  gloomy
Category: Life
This will be short.  I am in pain and can barely sit up o type.. I dont remember it at all..  I just know my car was flipped twice and I was mediflighted to waco texas...  everything e;lse is a blank...  I currently have 6 broken ribs a fractued sternum and a fracture in my upper spinal coullumn..  Healing will be will be slow...  The kids are fine.. They were with their dad I was by my self when the wreck happened....  But thank you for your prayers and concerns and keep praying please.. Somedas the pain is so bad I can hardly stand it... 
 
Rebecca
Monday, October 06, 2008 

Current mood:  anxious
Category: Life
Wednesday morning 9:30 am...  Ive said since JANUARY, something was wrong and this LUMP in my neck might have something to do with it...  Ive gotten NO WHERE with the doctors and they just wanted to drug me up... I cant live my life drugged up.. I refuse...  Oh, its a muscle strain... Lets put you on pain pills and muscle relaxers...  Umm, no... Its a LYMPH NODE you imbeciles!!!  Ive said that ALL ALONG!!  It was even int he freaking MRI you idiots did in January and instead of DOING SOMETHING you threw antibiotics at it nonstop and they did NOTHING... Well guess what.. Im sicker, its hard as a rock, Ive had a stroke of somekind, and now have brain lesions and damage to my brain!!  KUDOS to our medical field!!!  and FINALLY!!  I had a doctor that of course THOUGHT yet AGAIN it was a muscle strain...  UGH!!  Im not going down this road again.. Its a LYMPH NODE!!  So, he orders an ultrasound just to be sure and to prove ME wrong...  Well guess what guys.. Its a LYMPH NODE, and its been swollen since DECEMBER/JANUARY!!!  Yeah...  Not good...  Now they have spent the week rushing around trying to get it biopsied ASAP and figure out what it is and what to do.. Since OMG I was RIGHT all along... I KNEW my own body and what I was talking about...  Surprise Surprise!!!  Ive BEEN to nursing school, I KNOW something about the anatomy, and I KNOW when somehting isnt right and not actin the way it should.. HELLO!!!!  Just because you have a degree on your wall does NOT make you GOD!! You cant decide peoples fate and take away their lives or shorten their lives becaus eyou THINK you know it all...  Because of the OTHER doctors mistakes it MAY have caused some real damage...  Maybe NOW someone will listen when I say... OMG, my entire left side is feaking numb, I cant feel a thing, there is this freaking lump in my neck and my head feels like a knife is stabbing into my skull...  Maybe, jsut maybe...  Someone like me will get help in the future.. I know that after his they damn sure better help me or face serious consequences from not doing it...  I WILL NOT tolerate their indifference and cruelty any longer... MY LIFE is on the line and after this I can SEE just how dangerous this whole ordeal has been... And now, with Wednesday approaching and alot riding on this, Im scared to death...  Ive spent the weekend staying outside doing yard work and playing with the kids trying not to think of the what ifs...  Because those thoughts are unbearable...  Just pray for me... Pray that they find the source of this and a cureor treatment and get it OUT of me.. That hopefully this LUMP and NOT MS or Lupus is what has been effecting me... Maybe they can take it out and get it off of my nerves and I can be cured and free from this maliscious illness that has plagued me for almost a year now...  I know that God does not give us more than we can handle but I wish he didnt think I could handle THIS MUCH!!  lol...  Quoting Mother Teresa there...  But seriously...  If this is what I am HOPING it is...  PRAYING it is.,..  Its benign, but if its removed it will hopefully stop everything...  I hope!!
Saturday, September 27, 2008 

Current mood:  amused
Category: Romance and Relationships

ok.. Im  not NORMALLY a Britney Spears fan but man, I LIKE this song.. Sonc I cant put it on myspace yet, here are the lyrics... You can go to Britney.com and listen to it...  It cracks me up though!!  So freaking true!!!

 

WOMANIZER
Superstar
Where you from, how's it going?
I know you
Gotta clue, what you're doing?
You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here
But I know what you are, what you are, baby

Look at you
Gettin' more than just a re-up
Baby, you
Got all the puppets with their strings up
Fakin' like a good one, but I call 'em like I see 'em
I know what you are, what you are, baby

CHORUS
Womanizer, you're a womanizer
Boy, don't try to front
I know just what you are
(Spoken: You got me goin', you're oh-so charmin', but I can do it, womanizer)
Boy, don't try to front
I know just what you are
(Spoken: You say I'm crazy, I got your crazy, you're nothin' but a womanizer)

Daddy-O
You got the swagger of a champion
Too bad for you
You just can't find the right companion
I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard
It could be easy, but that's just who you are, baby

Lollipop
Must mistake me for a sucker
To think that I
Would be a victim, not another
Say it, play it how you wanna
But no way I'm never gonna fall for you, never you, baby

CHORUS
Womanizer, you're a womanizer
Boy, don't try to front
I know just what you are
(Spoken: You got me goin', you're oh-so charmin', but I can do it, womanizer)
Boy, don't try to front
I know just what you are
(Spoken: You say I'm crazy, I got your crazy, you're nothin' but a womanizer)

Maybe if we both lived in a different world
It would be all good, and maybe I could be your girl
But I can't 'cause we don't

CHORUS
Womanizer, you're a womanizer
Boy, don't try to front
I know just what you are
(Spoken: You got me goin', you're oh-so charmin', but I can do it, womanizer)
Boy, don't try to front
I know just what you are
(Spoken: You say I'm crazy, I got your crazy, you're nothin' but a womanizer)
Boy, don't try to front
I know just what you are
Womanizer, you're a womanizer, baby

Saturday, July 05, 2008 

Current mood:  blessed
Category: Life
More and morre I understand what family is...  You are born into some family and stuck with them. Some of those people you love and would lay down your life for, but others you will eventually ban all contact with and forget you ever were related to them...  Then there is the family you are adopted into..  Whether by being godparents and siblings whom again you arent really given a choice over, by marriage, much the same way in some ways, or by actual legal adoption.. Then there are the friends you are so close to that they become your family...  I have many of these past two catagories, and alot of the members of my blood family do not like it, but in all honesty, these people keep me going and keep me sane... They are the ones I rely on and the only ones I have to lean on..  And I am so thankful to them and to God for putting them in my life...  I am so lucky our paths have crossed and we have become close...  I dont know what I would do without all of you!!  And my kids dont know the difference between who is blood and who isnt in all honesty, and I DO NOT plan on teaching them the difference!!!  :)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 

Current mood:  hopeful
Category: Life
Well, friday I found out what was causing the problems I have had since January and probably for several years...  I have brain lesions, two of them on my right frontal lobe which is where my migraines are starting at ironically...  This seems to be a catch 22 to me..  In one hand, YAY!!  Im not crazy, here is the proof of the pain I have been in and that I am NOT making it up and HA HA IN YOUR FACE!!!  NEENER NEENER NEENER!!  I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO!!!!  Sorry, had to get that out....  Because that was thhe first thing that went through my head when she said that..  Then, the scarey part...  HOW???  WHY????  WHEN????   The answers were scarey and tears came to my eyes...  I had either hit my head TWICE and HARD, which I had not...  I could have had a stroke twice, which was highly unlikely because of my age and the fact that I dont have high cholesterol or any other stroke factors...  Lupus, which is more likely because my blood ANA was high and my grandma has it BUT it isnt attacking any other organs or joints and it generally attacks those BEFORE it attacks the brain, and last but not least, Multiple Sclerosis....  Either way it isnt too good...  Ive been spending time with the kids lately and just trying to think and plan and really enjoying them....  Its amazing how dying or having your life span shortened or your quality or life taken away can make you reassess your values and goals....  I am still trying to figure it all out and think it through, but let me just say I have been looking at the shapes in the clouds and stopping too feel the wind in my hair lately..  Its amazing what two little lesions on an MRI can do to totally change your life... I KNEW something was wrong, something was different... I KNEW that I was never going to feel the same, but the second she said those words and it sank in, my life changed..  I am still trying to figure out what the new life will be, but I am hoping it will be Pure.... Pure of heart, Pure of spirit and Pure of life!!!
Saturday, March 15, 2008 

Current mood:  cranky
Category: Music

Imperfection by Saving Jane

 

My hair’s a wreck
Mascara runs
My feet get dirty
And my skin burns in the sun.
My lips they bleed
But I still sing my songs.
Takes me a minute
To admit it when I’m wrong.

Pretty is as pretty does,
But pretty’s not my thing.

This is what you get.
This is who I am.
Take me now or leave me
Any way you can.
Sometimes I trip and fall
But I know where I stand.
If you’re thinking bout a change in my direction,
Don’t mess with imperfection.

My back is weak,
But my will is true.
Got good intentions
But I never follow through.
I say too much,
And don’t know when to leave.
In case you’re looking,
That’s my heart there on my sleeve.

Ego trips and stupid slip ups,
I’m a mess but

This is what you get.
This is who I am.
Take me now or leave me
Any way you can.
Sometimes I trip and fall
But I know where I stand.
If you’re thinking bout a change in my direction,
Don’t mess with imperfection.

Scratched and bruised,
A little used,
But baby I work fine.
You might call me
Damaged goods,
But I’m one of a kind.

My hair’s a wreck,
No I’m not perfect
But I’m not the only one.

This is what you get.
This is who I am.
Take me now or leave me
Any way you can.
Sometimes I trip and fall
But I know where I stand.
If you’re thinking bout a change in my direction,
Don’t mess with imperfection.
This is who I am.
If you’re thinking bout a change my direction,
Don’t mess with imperfection.

Sunday, February 24, 2008 
Sunday, February 24, 2008 
Tuesday, January 29, 2008 

Current mood:  angry
Category: Life
I have a lot of things to say about the current tragedy that our city is currently facing... And it is that a tragedy. History and memories were destroyed...  And I first have to say that in the center of this tragedy, NO ONE should profit from this tragey, let alone Jim Tibbets..  Especially after his scathing interview on news 9..  He stated that the school was an eye sore.. Well Jim, let me tell you something... YOU are an eye sore, your photography is an eye sore.. And to use a tragedy such as this to promote your pictures is an eye sore... And one more thing Jim, there are several people who feel like they have lost a friend or fammily member, feel violated and cheated.. And for you to use such a statement and try to attract attention to yourself and your profession is ubsurd...  And, I saw you behind the lines and barracades getting in there for those photos.. Let me say this Jim.. I hope you choke on any money you make from the pictures of this tragedy...  And for those of you who want the true emotion of pictures that you did not capture yourself..  I will give them to you for FREE.. I REFUSE to profit from something such as this.. This is a horrible tragedy and taking the pictures that day, was like watching someone being killed to me... My years in that school were the happiest ones in the chickasha public school systems...  And for someone to insult those memories by calling them an eye sore is beyond insulting to me...  Jim Tibbets, I hope your days of whining over school bids for photography project are over...  Because after this I dont think there will be a person in this community or school system that would want your eye sore photography or attitude....  Thanks for the positive spin on such an overwhelming tragedy News 9.. And thanks for allowing someone such as Jim Tibbets to show the totally BIASED views of the few corrupt chickasha business men who think only of themselves and their bottom line...  In closing let me say this...  I hope who ever set fire to that landmark pays dearly and for anyone who thinks this was a blessing and to all of the disappointing gawkers who brought out their lawn chairs and ice chests and made a pic nic out of this, please move...  We dont want your kind stinking up our town.. We want tru and caring people here...  People that actually care about the things that happened inside those now charred walls, and you making a mockery of our tragedy is  the biggest tragedy of all...  This town in my eyes was going to the dogs, but I see now that it went long ago and is now working its way into the sewer... 
Monday, January 07, 2008 

Current mood:  determined

Due to recent events I have decided to try even harder.. Put a smile on my face, fake as it may be and sugar coat the hell out of everything... And know inside that I am RIGHT, they are WRONG and eventually if not here on earth but in heaven those who are in the wrong will pay DEARLY for the ills they have caused...  Because uunlike the "christians" I DO NOT believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins and all is forgiven just by believing and all that BS.. That you can do the things you do, say a prayer and the slate is wiped clean.. NO!!!  Jesus was sent here by God to teach us the way to be close to him and how to LIVE!!!  And him dying on the cross was the ultimate sacrfice for his love for his father and his beliefs... he too knew that those who persecuted him were wrong but he smiled forgave them and kept believing that heaven or hell or in between it would all be right, no matter what he sacrificed...  And that by LIVING our lives the way we should and the way JESUS taught us too is the key to heaven...  So, dont look at me and tell me you arent guilty or our sins have been washed away and then keep repeating the cycle...  SHOW ME you are LIVING it...  Not just using words... TALK IS CHEAP!!!  And nothing but BS in my eyes....  This is going to be a preffered list only blog and but I will copy and paste this part for those who question my beliefs in any way...  So they will know where I stand, jewish, Christian, it doesnt matter.. Its nothing but a label.. What matters is your personal relationship with God and how you live your life to show it.... 

Saturday, December 29, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Life
I remember this point last year...  I was still aching from the realization that my family would never be whole again, that my kids could never have their daddy back with them...  I was aching and greiving the loss of a marriage that I tried desperately to save even AFTER the divorce was final...  I had so much trouble moving forward and letting myself see that warren being out of our lives was the best thing in the world that could have happened to this family...  I was so blinded by my love for him that I didnt see the bad or I did but chose to ignore it...  People can be brainwashed by love and desperation...  I thought that I would never find someone who could love me again... But alas, I have...  And I have been offered so much more opportunity than what I had when I was with this man that I supposedly loved...  I shutter to think of what life would have been without him in my life prior to all this... I would have been so much happier and more successful, but instead I settled...  Because I loved this man.. This man that ripped my entire world in two with his actions and words... This man that built me up and in one fell swoop destroyed me and laid waste to our marriage and our family...  But, as they say.. hinde sight is 20/20 and I am greatful for it...  It lets me see my mistakes with him and shows me how to prevent them from happening again...  I have learned that I will no longer be held back by someone just because I love them or think that I do.. and I will not change myself or my morals for the same person...  Love is fleeting and only true commitment and endearing bonds can last the bitter storm...  A marriage is only as strong as the two people's beliefs that are in it...  If one of those people does not believe the same of a marriage and commitment then it will not be possible to maintain it...  It takes two to tango.. and at this point in my life I am tired of leading...  I think I will sit back, relax and let someone else lead and take the reigns for a while...  And see where it goes....
Saturday, December 22, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Pastor's Challenge Shocks Congregation

By HELEN O'NEILL,
AP
Posted: 2007-12-22 07:00:06
CHAGRIN FALLS, Ohio (Dec. 20) - The Rev. Hamilton Coe Throckmorton shivered with anticipation as he gazed at the loot - wads of $50 bills piled high beside boxes of crayons in a Sunday school classroom.

Cautiously, he locked the door. Then he started counting.

Reverend Hamilton Throckmorton, right, surprised his congregation in Chagrin Falls, Ohio, when he followed up a sermon by handing out $40,000 in cash.

.. news_photogallery inside caption html-->.. Big Pic Ends -->
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It was a balmy Friday evening in September. From several floors below faint melodies drifted up - the choir practicing for Sunday service.

Throckmorton was oblivious. For hours, perched awkwardly on child-sized wooden stools surrounded by biblical murals and children's drawings, the pastor and a handful of coconspirators concentrated on the count.

Forty-thousand dollars. Throckmorton smiled in satisfaction as he stashed the money in a safe.

That Sunday, the 52-year-old minister donned his creamy white robes, swept to the pulpit and delivered one of the most extraordinary sermons of his life.

First he read from the Gospel of Matthew.

"And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his ability."

Then he explained the parable of the talents, which tells of the rich master who entrusts three servants with a sum of money - "talents" - and instructs them to go forth and do good. The master lavishes praise on the two servants who double their money. But he casts into the wilderness the one so afraid to take a risk that he buries his share.

Throckmorton spends up to 20 hours working on his weekly homily, and his clear diction, contemplative message and ringing voice command the church. Gazing down from the pulpit that Sunday, Throckmorton dropped his bombshell.

Like the master, he would entrust each adult with a sum of money - in this case, $50. Church members had seven weeks to find ways to double their money, the proceeds to go toward church missions.

"Live the parable of the talents!" Throckmorton exhorted, as assistants handed out hundreds of red envelops stuffed with crisp $50 bills and stunned church members did quick mental calculations, wondering where all the money had come from. There are about 1,700 in the congregation, though not everyone attends each week.

The cash, Throckmorton explained, was loaned by several anonymous donors.

In her regular pew at the back of the church, where she has listened to sermons for 40 years, 73-year-old Barbara Gates gasped. What kind of kooky nonsense is this, she thought.

"Sheer madness," sniffed retired accountant Wayne Albers, 85, to his wife, Marnie, who hushed him as he whispered loudly. "Why can't the church just collect money the old-fashioned way?"

In a center pew, Ann Nagy's eyes moistened as she considered her ailing, beloved father, his suffering, and the song she had written to comfort him near death. She nudged her husband Scott. "Give me your $50," she whispered. Nagy knew exactly what she would do.

Throckmorton wrapped up his two morning services by saying that children would get $10. And he assured the congregation that anyone who didn't feel comfortable could simply return the money. No consignment to outer darkness for those who didn't participate.

Throckmorton is warm and engaging and approachable, as comfortable talking about the Cleveland Indians baseball team as he is discussing scripture. At the Federated Church, he is known simply as Hamilton.

But as church members spilled into the late summer sunshine that morning to ponder their skills and their souls, there were many who thought: Hamilton is really pushing us this time.

"There was definitely this tension, this pressure to live up to something," said Hal Maskiell, a 62-year-old retired Navy pilot who spent days trying to figure out how to meet the challenge.

Maskiell's passion is flying a four-seater Cessna 172 Skyhawk over the Cuyahoga County hills. He decided to use his $50 to rent air time from Portage County airport and charge $30 for half-hour rides. Church members eagerly signed up. Maskiell was thrilled to get hours of flying time, and he raised $700.

His girlfriend, Kathy Marous, 55, was far less confident. What talents do I have, she thought dejectedly. She was tempted to give the money back.

And then Marous found an old family recipe for tomato soup, one she hadn't made in 19 years. She remembered how much she had enjoyed the chopping and the cooking and the canning and the smells. With Hal's encouragement Marous dug out her pots. She bought three pecks of tomatoes. Suddenly she was chopping and cooking and canning again. At $5 a jar, she made $180.

"I just never imagined people would pay money for the things I made," Marous exclaimed.

Others felt the same way. Barbara Gates raised $450 crafting pendants from beads and sea glass - pieces she had casually made for her grandchildren over the years. Kathie Biggin created fanciful little red-nosed Rudolph pins and sold them for $2.50. Twelve-year-old Amanda Horner pooled her money with friends, stocked up at JoAnn's fabric store, and made dozens of colorful fleece baby blankets, which were purchased by church members and then donated to a local hospital.

And 87-year-old Bob Burrows rediscovered old carpentry skills and began selling wooden bird-feeders.

But it wasn't the money; everyone said so. It was something else, something far less tangible but yet so very real. For seven weeks an almost magical sense of excitement and energy and camaraderie infused the elegant red-brick church on Bell Street, spilling over into homes and hearts as the parable of the talents came alive.

In her sun-filled studio on Strawberry Lane, Shirley Culbertson felt it - a joyful sense of purpose that she had rarely experienced since her husband passed two years ago. Culbertson, 81, is a gifted painter and watercolors fill her house. But she discovered another talent during this time - knitting whimsical eight-inch stuffed dolls with button noses and floppy hats. She raised $90.

Zooming down country roads clinging to the back of a leather-clad biker, Florence Cross felt it too. For the challenge, Barry Biggin had parked his 2006 Harley Davidson Road King outside the church, offering 12-mile rides for $30. Cross was the first to sign up. Never mind that she is in her mid-80s, had never been on a bike, or that her husband of 60 years had to hoist her up.

"Oh, it was such a thrill!" said Cross, her face glowing at the memory. Her friends now call her "Harley Girl."

Martine Scheuermann lived the parable in her Elm Street kitchen, transforming it into an "applesauce factory" for several weeks. The 49-year-old human resources director would rise at 6 a.m. on Sundays in order to have warm batches ready for sampling at church services.

In his origami-filled bedroom on Bradley Street, Paul Cantlay lived the parable too. Surrounded by sheets of colored construction paper, the 9-year-old crafted paper dragons and stars and sailboats. He set up an origami stand at the end of his street, charged 50 cents to $5 depending on the piece, and raised $68.

Talents began multiplying at such a rate that the church held a bazaar after services on two consecutive Sundays for people to display - and sell - their wares.

The pretty little village on the Chagrin River falls had never seen anything quite like it. Everyone seemed to be talking about the talent challenge: over the clatter of coffee cups at Dink's restaurant, at the Fireside bookshop on the green, sipping drinks at the Gamekeeper's Taverne. Even members of other churches weighed in: Have you heard what's happening at Federated?

"Anyone can open their wallet and give cash," Kris Tesar said. "This was just an extraordinary process of exploration and discovery and of challenging ourselves. It became bigger than any one of us or than any individual talent."

Tesar, a 58-year-old retired nurse, discovered her talent in buckets of flip-flops for sale at Old Navy. She stocked up on yarn and beads and made dozens of funky, fluffy decorative footwear that were a huge hit with teens. Tesar raised $550 for the church, is still taking orders and is thinking of starting a business. Now even her children call her the "flip-flop lady."

People also got to know the "hen lady" - Gabrielle Quintin, who took to raising chickens on a whim 23 years ago when she moved into a 180-year-old house with a barn. Her "ladies," as Quintin calls her backyard flock, provide a welcome distraction from her nursing job in a cancer center. Quintin decided to put her brood to work for the church. For $10 church members could "hire-a-hen" and get three dozen fresh eggs complete with a photograph of the "lady" who laid them.

"It wasn't exactly spiritual, but I had a lot of fun," said Quintin, whose husband, Mike, made glass birdfeeders. "And it was just this great way of bringing everyone together and connecting with the church."

Kathy Wellman quilted. Mary Hobbs knit shawls and penciled portraits. Cathy Hatfield auctioned a ride in her hot-air balloon. Norma and Trent Bobbitt pooled their money with another church member to hire a harpist from the Cleveland orchestra and host an elegant evening dinner party. Folks paid $50 each to attend and the Bobbitts made over $1,200.

And physician Peter Yang took over shifts from other doctors in his partnership (he used his $50 for gas to get to the hospital) and raised $3,000.

The deadline to return the money was Sunday, Oct. 28. Nervously, some church council members suggested posting plain clothes security guards at services that day. But Throckmorton would have none of it. He insisted that the spirit of the challenge, which had already inspired so much goodwill, would carry them safely through. And it did.

Organ music filled the church as people silently filed down the aisle, dropped their proceeds into baskets, and offered testimonials about what living the parable had meant to them. Throckmorton thanked everyone for their generosity. Then he started counting.

A week later he delivered the joyful news: They had more than doubled the amount distributed.

The initial take was $38,195 over the loan, but the amount is still growing. Some people didn't make the deadline, or extended it in order to finish their projects.

The final sum will be divided equally between three charities: One-third will go to a school library in South Africa where the church is involved in an AIDS mission; one-third will go to micro-loan organizations that provide seed money for small businesses in developing countries; one-third will help the Interfaith Hospitality Network in Cleveland, specifically programs for homeless women.

Throckmorton is asked all the time if the talent challenge will become an annual event, but he is doubtful. It was a special time and a special idea, he says, and he is not sure it could be re-created or relived.

Yet in a very real sense, it lives on. Church members who never knew each other have become friends. And orders for applesauce, flip-flops and Rudolph pins are still rolling in for Christmas.

There are other, more poignant reminders. Like Ann Nagy's haunting tribute to her father, who died of brain cancer on Oct. 11.

Nagy, 44, has always been a singer with a clear lovely voice. It wasn't until her father grew ill and moved into a hospice that she started writing songs. She found solace in the music and a way of communicating that was sometimes easier than spoken words.

At hospice, patients are taught five simple truths to tell their loved ones before they die: I'll miss you. I love you. I forgive you. I'm sorry. Goodbye.

Borrowing from that theme, Nagy wrote a farewell song for her Dad. She pooled her $50 talent money with her husband's share and cut a CD to sell to church members. Ironically it was finished just an hour before her father passed, on Oct. 11. Nagy stood by his bed and sang it for him anyway.

On Nov. 11 - her father's 72nd birthday - Throckmorton preached a sermon about dying. He invited Nagy to the altar. There, accompanied by a cellist and a pianist she sang "Before You Go."

Her voice soared. The congregation wept. The parable of the talents had never seemed so alive.
Saturday, December 15, 2007 

Current mood:  pissed off
Category: Romance and Relationships
You know...  I may have never known real and honest love before in my life but I have SEEN it and I WANT it!!  The REAL kind..  the kind that matters..  The kind that someone will do anything for...  The kind that rocks your world and takes your breath away...  I have done nothing but find negative relationships and substitutes for love and accepted them as something because I didnt think I was worthy of REAL love...  But I have learned that I AM worthy!!  I just have to stop going for the negative bullshit and stop accepting crap...  I have to learn to stand up for what I want and what I believe in...  I cannot accept abuse or neglect or any form of disrespect...  Being in a marriage for as long as I did and accepting the things I did just to be "loved" and wanted messes with your head...  I have to stop the cycle... Even if it means not being with someone... I would rather be alone than go through what I did before and put my children through it...  But if there was someone out there that would treat me right, truly loved me and my kids, didnt use me or abuse me and wanted ME with all of my flaws and damage, I would move to the ends of the earth with that person and do almost anything for them...  But until I find that someone...  I am not accepting anything less from anyone...
Saturday, December 01, 2007 

Current mood:  scared
Category: Life
Well, I havent had the best week...  And it doesnt seem to be getting better anytime soon...  Thursday night I found a small lump in my breast...  Since then I have been even more upset that I was at the begining of the week...  I went to the doctor friday and they wont even call me back with an appointment for an ultrasound until next week sometime...  Thank you sooo much for making me a nervous wreck for an entire weekend.. I really appreciate it!!  :(  I went out with some friends from work last night and had fun for a while and forgot about it a little...  But today.. I sit here and think of the what ifs...  I have to figure things out right now and try to decide on what to do...  And hope and pray that next week they do the ultrasound soon and figure out what this is and what to do about it and have it resolved soon!!!  I cant stand sitting here waiting and worrying and on the verge of having a panic attack...  :(  Anyone have some valiums they can spare???  lol