have been getting to sleep around 8am in the morning....having synaptic meltdowns but it's ok...can deal with sleep deprivation for a while in order to produce.... am listening to an utterly transfixing piece of music by one of the pioneers of electronic music, Jon Hassell....he calls his style 'the fourth world' and it's simultaneously preventing and inducing the mind-melts....have started provisional work on the second phase of Project Dog Ear....sounds cold and harrowing...need to 'humanise' it...maybe humanising IS cold and harrowing ?? ....need to make the sounds warmer and more classically filmic maybe....

mind is racing through a myriad corridors...isn't nervy...is fine....it's all leading to something good....good tension....the stuff that gets shit done.....ive had a small burning magnesium type revelation in my head tonight.....have suddenly realised what i must do....

recent spate of performances is over....next lot are being planned and a whole rafter of ideas up my sleeve for what will happen....cant reveal because the ether talks....have been feeling waves of paranoia underneath the skin and clothes....something about how i can see an otherness and it's deeply unsettling....it's a temporary and phasal thing though and im taking steps to fight it....im hoping something will explode soon....a still point of energy....a dot with the mass of a hundred suns

its 5am and a curse is sliding through my mind....i've been here before and it was a right royal pain in the ass then as it is now....it's something not old though - not old enough to be 'the fella' anyway

am exhausted.....been working on the festival hall project like headless poultry....got a line of Uniform gigs coming up here in London and abroad, have the music for the Candoco performance ready at the QEH on the southbank for the 5th and 6th, Dirthole gig happening this weekend with some planned in NY and Copenhagen.....second phase of Project Dog Ear starting next week and got a meeting at the Place Theatre for another dance piece collaboration.....need sleep

i find the inherent self-revelationary aspect of blogging still quite strange so i step out like a virgin in a whorehouse......i guess i should reveal things and maybe i will in time but right now im feeling alittle guarded.....

all will not be revealed