A few months ago I got this call from an unknown number. I let the call go to my voicemail because it could be a call from a slut telling me I am a father. I don't need that. The mystery caller left a message, so I go check it and its the funniest shit I ever heard.

Just on the voice alone I can tell its an older black dude, who is obviously smoking, and has pregnant pause as he speaks. He leaves the gayest message in the history of messages on my voicemail...

"I found your number in Gary's pants...(long pause)...and...I want to know...(long pause and exhale from smoking)...are you fucking him???"

At this point I am CRYIN' LAUGHIN'. Then he goes on to say, "I just want to let you know, you ain't the only one fuckin' him...".  He goes on to leave a LONG message  and then left his number for me to call him to tell him if I am fucking "Gary" or not. He was seriously BUTT-hurt(pun intended)

Look,  I don't know any Gary's. I have a uncle Gary but he is too busy doing CRACK COCAINE and having GIRLFRIENDS too be gay. He is one crack rock away from being Tyrone Biggums. How do a crackhead get decent looking girlfriends is a mystery to me...


but I digress.



So calls again and I answer. "I don't know any Gary's. Please stop calling me, you have the wrong number". He replies, "I know you fucking him and I don't have the wrong number. Be a man tell me you fucking him". Now he pissed me off. So I start to go off on him and he hangs up like a little bitch.  Now I am ticked off. I know he is use to having a couple of balls in his face but I now want to see how he handles a couple of fist, a couple of elbows, and 2 vicious knees to the face. I want to see how he handle my foot in his ass....wait, he might enjoy that, as you soon will learn.

So he called a couple of more times but again I let it go to voicemail. He is leaving messages and going into detail about "Gary's" freaky ass. "Did you know he sucked another man's dick in front of me...".  He was saying a bunch of other nasty shit but I can't or don't want to remember. 

Then as soon as I thought he couldn't get any nastier or funnier, he drops this gem. "...Did you know I once had my WHOLE fist in that nigga's ass...". This shit just got funny again to me.  Fisting always makes me chuckle. He probably lathered his hand with 360 wave gel and went Lennox Lewis on that ass.

As soon as this started getting really funny again, he says something that disturbed me...

"...when he is in that COKE COMA..."

I can't remember what he said before or after that. Just that one piece of a sentence disturbed me for 2 reasons.

Reason 1:

What the fuck s a COKE COMA???

Is that like a Diabetic Coma??? I think it is. You get high(sugar high or coke high) from a white powder. Both can change you appearance, weight wise. Highly addictive. 

Hmmm, sugar is the new coke.

Reason 2:

I KNOW he is talking about my Uncle now and ALL that nasty shit he was talking about was about my uncle.

Great, now I am always going to think gay thoughts when I see my uncle. What's even worse is, I have to tell my mom that her brother has a jealous gay lover calling me. This was going to be more uncomfortable than waiting for your AIDS test after slutting it up in Brazil. More uncomfortable than a Hollywood writer talking to his landlord. More uncomfortable than TMZ with no Brittany Spears news to report. So I go and tell my poor mother, knowing her reaction will be PURE SHOCK. I tell her, "Some dude is calling me about Gary and is saying some NASTY GAY THINGS". Without pause my mom replies,"Oooooh, that's Billy"

BILLY!?!?!??! THIS NIGGA HAS A NAME????

What kind of secrets is this family keepin'?!?!?!

Then she goes on to say, "Your Uncle get all gay when he is on that stuff...(small rant)Your Uncle would kill him if he knew that he was calling you...(small rant)...Next  time he calls tell him you're Pat's son".

Ok, that's a simple plan.

Billy calls an hour later and before he speak I told him, "I am Gary's nephew and son of Pat Plaine". He replies with silence. Then I go on and break down my WHOLE FAMILY TREE. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Step Parents, My first dog "Prince", that show "My 2 Dads, and my dead cat "Michigan". He was still silent so I hung up. He never called again.

So I have a Uncle on the DL...COOOOOL!!!!

(^^^Not my Uncle, but he is trying hard to be^^^)

You know the Deal...I take MMA fighter and photoshop them like crazy...

Original pic:

RomoShops:

Random RomoShop:

Original pic:

Romoshops:

Original Pic:

Romoshops:

This is a filler blog...Sorry.

But my next blog is going to be a FUCKIN good one. I am just to lazy to type it right now. But stay tuned. Its going to be fuckin great...

Photoshop pics:

Original Pic:

Photoshop:

(photobucket thought this pic was too racy...pussies)

Original pic:

Somehow FRANKLIN(the white dude) can make the Thai clinch look so gay

Photoshop:

Just other Random MMA photoshops:

I had to take this pic down at MMA.TV because the gay dude in the front was embarrassed. J.Lau, the guy in the back and UFC fighter, thought it was a funny pic.

This one TOO.

JUST ADDED:

Original:

Tracy Lee...She is very cool. A sweet heart

Photoshop:

-END GAME

CRANK THAT SOLDIER BOY is a huge hit and a retarded song. The dance makes it even more autistic. I would have pretend the song didn't exist if it wasn't for ONE line in the song...

"SUPERMAN DAT HOOOOOOE!!!!!"

I am from L.A. I didn't find out what Supermanning a hoe was until recently. I thought Supermanning a hoe was some extreme and DIFFICULT game. I thought it was an elaborate way to court a girl.

I thought you started out impressing the girl with physical abilities:

Then after that, you check out her goods to see if its worth you time and effort:

After that, you set yourself apart from other guys by LISTENING to her:

Now at this point, you got to turn her ON and get her HOT:

(the girl in this pic is FAR from a hoe. She is cool people lol)

Just make sure you don't get her TOO hot. If you do just:

Hopefully you swept her off her feet. The way Superman sweep a hoe off her feet:

Finally, if that all don't work, just do this:

Girls love speed.

What is Supermanning a hoe???

"You cum on a bitches back and then she rolls over onto the sheets and when she gets up the sheets are stuck to her back like a fucking cape. That's supermanning a hoe --> -->"Kryo from Boxingscene.com

I hope this doesn't catch on. I don't want fuck a girl and she looks like SUPERMAN when she sits up. She thinks I am the FLASH because I came so fast. My face looks like AQUAMAN because she got too wet when I went down on her. Then she becomes WONDER WOMAN because the sex was so bad she wonders if she should go gay.

I guess my cock would be Spider-Man

-Subscribe here and tell a friend

Sorry for the absence. I will return next week with some kick ass blogs.

I am talking about blogs that involve:

Tanks, Condors on leashes, Butterfly doors, King Koopa, Rhinoplasty with polka dot spackle, gay interracial tough guys, Bone Suckin' Sauce, Larry Craig, Butterfaces, Ankle biting Tigers, the word "Cunt", Koopa Troopas, drugs, Superman, Britney Spears, Solider Boy, the guy that played Raymond's brother on "Everybody Loves Raymond", college, odd dreams, MMA, cheetah print shoes, the word "nigger", Bar brawls, the biggest germ-a-phobes on the planet, cars breaking down, and much more...

Did I forget to say, BETTER QUALITY PHOTOSHOPS:

STAY TUNED BITCHES...

This is a pic of Anderson Silva AFTER he KO'ed future Hall of Famer, Carlos Newton. This is an old pic but was recently voted one of the best ALL TIME MMA pics at mmafighting.net

but the folks at MMA.TV can't just let a pic like this rest without a lil photoshopping. So let me share what I contributed over there.

A current UFC champ has to workout HARD. Dips will help.

This is how he got his insane accuracy.

I didn't know Brazilians skied

Mardi Gras BITCHES!!!!

Flipper better take it to the ground

Kwan and Silva in Ice Skating Pairs Competition

That's how he got such GREAT footwork

CroCop and Silva are skaters!!!???!!!

Silva going TRIBAL ON THAT ASS

Nuff Said

-Subscribe here

Why do women try to cover hard nipples? Men like them and other women understand. So who are women embarrassed by for having hard Nipsy Russells?

Just another way to prove that women couldn't handle being a man.

-END GAME

• Joining the military
• Call a crip a "Crab" or a blood a "Slob"
• Call a lover by your ex's name
• Call a closeted homosexual MMA fighter a fag
• Fuck Pamela Anderson or Magic Johnson with NO rubber
• Steal OJ's shit and REFUSE to give it back
• Marry OJ, then divorce him, collect a shit load of his cash every month, and then piss him off
• Have a romantic dinner at Phil Specter's house
• Let Jason Williams show you his shotgun collection
• Publicly announce that you witnessed TuPac's murder and you're willing to testify
• Be an adopted kid or wife of Chris Benoit
• Let Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, or Nicole Richie be your designated driver
• Learn to drive from the guy that taught Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez to drive(This one was LOW...My bad)

If you can think of other ways, please share them.

-END GAME

Women have been keeping a secret about the vagina for a long time and its time to let the PUSSY cat out of the bag.

Following me and try to keep up.

Flamingos get their PINK color from eating shrimp. Salmon's meat is PINK from also eating shrimp.






Now THINK, what else is pink and can hold a fishy odor???

THAT'S RIGHT, THE VAGINA. Women at some point of their lives feed their cooter shrimp to make it the happiest place on earth.





Sorry to let out the secret ladies.

-END GAME

This is Mirko Cro-Cop. One of the most feared strikers in MMA and one of my favorite fighters. He lost his match last week against Cheik Kongo. Kongo, a good striker himself, kneed Cro-Cop in the balls 4 or 5 times, WTF!??!

Anywho, the above pic is Mirko getting a break after having his chances of making Croatian children eliminated. But this wasn't good enough for the forum at MMA.TV.

SO LET THE ROMOSHOPPING BEGAN!!!!

Cro-Cop squatting with a random kid...He doesn't look pleased to see him.

The Flying Knee is a great weapon for going right up the middle

Mirko and Ken Shamrock trained together??? I never knew that.

You lose 2 fights in a row and you become HOMELESS??? That's crazy

Bears aren't the only ones.

Cro-Cop use to be in a tribe apparently

BATMAN & CRO-COP

Mirko is a politician in Croatia and apart of the CSI team in New York

Good to see he developed a CSI team in Croatia

To become REALLY DANGEROUS in MMA, you have to learn ALL THE ARTS.

-END GAME

People get mad at today's athletes for doing steroids. Not only do people get pissed for "ruining" the integrity of the game, they say its setting a BAD example to today's youth


THIS IS BULLSHIT


America has had a bigger influence with 'roids than our sport athletes.
















POPEYE will ALWAYS be the biggest juicer to ever appear on screen.

(I say it was the vitamin S...and the "S" don't stand for spinach)

Big Mac, Bonds, Most of the NFL, and KING KONG AIN'T GOT SHIT ON POPEYE!!!

Do you agree???