MEMOIRS OF AN AIRDRIEONION IDIOT.
GOOD DAY.
  Thinking on my last blog reminded me of a gig I played in Burnt Island Fife as lead singer ,bodhran player with The Whiskey Devils. A terrible gig for a few reasons, One I completely lost my voice " but still SPRACHLED pronounced SPRAKKLED or SPRAWKLED = Struggled through the gig with the aid of various remedies! Terrible gig, Bad atmosphere in the band and the crowd didnt like the music " expecting another version of The Cuddies, We had disbanded the previous Christmas period, I was told before going on stage that a young guy had been stabbed to death in the club a few months earlier, All in all a bad day at the office! Only good thing was I had my car with me and phoned one of my two sisters who live,s in Fife to ask if I could drop by? Sadly Maggie was working night shift and was about to leave to start her shift! She became quite insistent that I avoid a certain road because of supernatural activity! " A young female apparition diving at cars and causing smashe,s in the past. I told her I would avoid the stretch of road leaving Burntisland and told her I would leave her an answerphone message upon my safe arrival home. Which I did.
   Sounds a bit hysterical ? Avoid a certain road, But Maggie AKA Pearl is quite intuitive about some things and once told me a brilliant but spooky anecdote from her time working night shift in a geriatric home. Maggie worked with a Nurse who was / is a highly respected medium , and my sister naturally inquisitive found her co ~ worker fascinating and very down to earth. Anyway the two women were walking towards a room to check on a very elderly lady in the early hours of the morning when the medium " I,ll call her Ann " Stopped and said to Maggie " Listen Maggie, lets come back in 10 minutes as Mrs Lafferty,s husband is in there talking to his wife! Ann said it so matter of factly that Maggie shrugged " Okay Ann I,ll fire the kettle on! Then my sister stopped and shivered! " Ann ! Mrs Lafferty,s man has been dead for 20 years or more! Ann had laughed " All the more reason to leave them be then, dont you think ? But my sister had the bit between her teeth and persisted ! " your freaking me out Ann! What,s happening in there? Her co~worker smiled " Look Maggie Mrs Lafferty,s getting ready to pass over and her man is there to guide her! My sister stood wide eyed! They went to their canteen for a drink! Ten minutes later her colleague said " Come on Maggie and check this out, They,re ready to leave! The two nurses ran to the room and the medium stopped and bending down let a tea towel she was holding dangle over the gap beneath the old ladies door! Suddenly the cloth moved as if caught in strong wind. Was that the old couple reunited rushing off together to a better place and old friends anxious to catch up ? I like to think so.

HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE IN THE WORLD. DAVYTHESCULPTOR! and teller of tales.

ART AND MUSIC JOURNAL.
GOOD MORNING.
    And how are you ? I was emailed last week and asked if I had any ghostly Halloween tales ? I scratched my head! I,ve had one or two supernatural encounters, Feeling arms round me as I wrapped up an electric razor in a friends house way back in the 1980,s when I had a thick head of unruly hair!! Coming up against what felt like a wall of negativity in The post office next to Tintagel castle in Cornwall, Reputed to be one of King Arthurs castles Maybe even Camelot! A member of the company was a member of the clergy and told me there was definitely something of an otherworldly nature and unpleasant disposition present ! But Halloween ? Nothing sprang to mind!
  I logged off and headed downstairs pausing only to close our daughters bedroom door and mutter to myself that she wont open her curtains no matter how often I ask her to! I made a cup of tea " that seemingly Scottish and English peculiarity, And descended further into my basement studio and started preparing the days work! Then it struck me! My daughters darkened bedroom!! Suddenly I was back in the steel mill / factory as part of a 4 man sunday night crew!
  I never liked nightshift, I cant sleep during the day, So by the end of a typical nightshift week I would be feeling depressed, and bloated from " Grazing " all day and all night. But as far as the actual shift went It was great, No supervisors, Just a note to tell the workers what to do! Easy peasy really! If only I could have slept during the day this would have been perfect for me as I have an inbuilt dislike of authority.
   Anyway this sunday night  three or four of us were sitting in our HOWFF = personal canteen, And I reckon it must have been hallows eve as the local radio Clyde show was asking listeners to call in with " ghostly" encounters ! which we sat happily debunking using sarcasm, scorn and the odd well timed fart! Then one of my Coatbridge based workmates said " Davy! Here,s a tale from the next village to yours! A HOUSING SCHEME = SUB DIVISION next to where I was raised! Craigneuk by name, Literally across the railroad tracks from my now demolished estate in Station Rd Clarkston! Rolling eyes we sat to listen, and the tale unfolded and gradually the goosepimples arose on our arms.
   For a start the caller was very articulate and simply laid down the tale and didnt care if we " the radio audience " believed it or not! It was true! The lady and her husband had moved into a rather small 2 bedroom rented council house with two daughters aged 9 and 14 respectively! The girls soon chafed at sharing a small bedroom and the husband , a construction worker with native enterprise converted the loft for the eldest daughter, Without planning permission ! he didnt want to risk refusal, Thus he couldnt install a window , And hereby hangs the tale, The eldest daughter was delighted by her fathers work and according to the mother it was a great job, just dark but in no way oppressive. The mother didnt like the staircase and soon thrashed out a bargain with her daughter that if dirty clothes and trash were not brought down every day then she would have to move back in with her sister! The daughter agreed and stuck to the bargain and kept a clean loft! A couple of years passed and the girl became a " Goth " dyed  her light brown hair black, dressed all in black and asked her parents permission to paint the loft all black black carpet and bedsheets to! The parents agreed in the spirit that it was a phase she would grow out of! The girl painted her space and everything was fine.
    four or five years later the girl indeed grew out of her Goth phase and moved out to share a house with her fiance, The younger daughter now in later teens asked permission to move into the loft ? And might it be possible to share the loft with her boyfriend of 4 years ? The accomadating parents agreed! The only change would be the younger daughter would " lighten the loft up to her boyfriend and her more mainstream tastes! Everything was great until the first night, when the young couple snuggled down in their new " home " for the night ! The household was woken up by a fierce screaming match between the couple! The young guy had gotten up to use the bathroom in the dark and fell over a pile of clothes ,records videotapes etc  in the middle of the floor! He shouted at the sleeping girl! The girl woke up and pitched into him in return! when they calmed down they realised that they hadnt  either of them piled the possesions on the floor of the loft! Things rapidly got worse but the resilient young couple werent going to give up and lose their wee home! They just put on the lights and tidied up the mess the ghost was making each night!
  The climax came when the couple and parents went out for a meal one evening and returned to see a man kicking at the front door of the house and alternately shouldering the door in a very aggresive manner! The husband was paying the fare when the driver said! " Big man some one is trying to break into your house! Typical Airdrieonions ! the two couples and taxi driver piled out and ran at the angry man shouting and asking " what the fk he thought he was doing? The man glared at them and ran down the side of the house with the family and driver in hot pursuit! A natural response until the figure ran straight through a brick wall ! The people looked at each other in disbelief! They spent a sleepless night as the ghost spent the whole night banging at their front door! Eventually they let it back in and it went back to the loft but not before glaring at each member of the household in turn! The terrified people heard the noise of the loft being " rearranged!
  A priest was called in the next day and the mystery was soon put to rest! The soul hadnt realised it was dead and existed in the darkened attic even when it was converted and occupied by the gothic elder sister! Then the younger sister lightened the room up and the spirit became threatened and acted out! Somehow the spirit then got out of the loft and frantic tried to force it,s way back in. a blessing was performed and the soul was persuaded to move on to the next dimension which it did! The house returned to normal and the young couple could presumably then go to the toilet albeit groping their way in the dark without tripping over their possesions! I,ll tell you though ! We the skeleton crew on that sunday nightshift stuck with each other for the rest of the shift.

HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE IN THE WORLD ! DAVYTHESCULPTOR and teller of tales!

ART AND SCULPTURE JOURNAL.
GOOD MORNING.
   And how is everyone ? Still recovering from an 7 or 8 week tour with the Mighty Nach ! For whatever reasons this one was an " arse booter " Overnight journeys from one gig to the next morning gig! The CRAIC = patter was good between Too Tall myself and the rest of the band, Just nothing that moved me to blog, is all. Loading in and out of Hotels, friends spare rooms and festival grounds will wear a person down.
  I got plenty of artistic inspiration on the road though and even fashioned a Mighty Nach highlander skull _ SOLD _ obscurely called Dan Plural ! People who are into my art know there is nothing remotely logical in my creative thinking! If the muse whispers in my ear " call this one Dan Plural " then Dan Plural he will be and owners of my art will email and let me know that their commisioned piece is doing well ! It,s all cool and lets people be a part of the creative process and certainly gives me inspiration! The next skull will be SKULL#8 aka Demitrius Kilmarnock! I,ve not started him yet but he has a home to go to! I reckon I,ll start my Sculpting season by making a " Wild Bill " Highlander skull! I,ll send the proceeds to my auld pal  Wild Bill Guarnere of D,day fame and Band of brothers. Bill can then send the cash to whichever veteran of the legendary 101st paratroopers that jumped into Axis held Normandy june the 5th, A day ahead of the allied invasion of Europe. Through the actions of the men like Bill, Dick Winters, Joe Toye etc the guns situated at Brecourt manor were knocked out, These guns were trained on the beaches where troops were struggling ashore laden down with weapons ammunition and soaking clothes! When / if they survived that particular baptism of fire, this was the first _ and last _ time for many of theses young men ! they were faced with a tremendously well motivated and highly disciplined German army that had been fighting since 1939, Thousands of whom had survived Russian campaigns and brutal no holds barred battles with Russian and Siberian warriors and fighting a losing war had their backs to the wall, My late father had the greatest admiration for the German soldiers of the Afrika Korps that he encountered in North Africa before he was captured! So it,s safe to say that it is no trouble for me to stand in a warm studio and " rattle " a piece of sculpture together to honour men who survived an ordeal like that!
  But interestingly enough " for me " at any rate a German friend has asked if I would like to participate in a reenactment of the Battle of the Bulge ? Here is the rub! I would be in German uniform! I howled with laughter at the thought of my parents shaking their heads at me in heaven while my father rolls his eyes and mutters " Oh for fuck,s sake " at his son running behind a German tiger tank in a muddy field ,while my mother teases him saying " didnt you tell him what army you fought in during the war Robert ? I picture my father laughing and scratching his head! I despise war, But I,ve come to realise through men like my father , Wild Bill and countless others that these men fought for each other first and foremost when their respective governments thrust a gun in their hands and had them kill other young men that they had never met , And they later felt sorrow at the thought that they killed men who under different circumstances would have been boozing buddies or hunting companions or whatever. No amount of historically accurate uniforms and other equipment can bring to life the horrors that these men  _ just bits of boys really _ endured when their whole lives should have been in front of them , and the sorrow that they carried for the rest of their lives at the loss of comrades who became dearer and closer than real kith and kin in many instances, But maybe a couple of days and nights eating black bread and drinking ersatz coffee and shivering sleep deprived in a " foxhole " IN JANUARY ! would give this pampered and spoiled Scotsman the tiniest idea what the young men of the " Greatest generation " had to endure,

BITS OF BOYS = JUST YOUNG BOYS.

HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE IN THE WORLD.. DAVYTHESCULPTOR.

ART AND SCULPTURE JOURNAL.
                           2.9.2009

MORNING GUYS.
   Lordy Lordy September already. Time flashes by. I,ve had a good response to my new creation The Green Man travel box. I really had no expectations about how he would turn out, But he has turned out really well, And with characteristic patience I,m pacing the Porch of Inspiration every ten minutes or so wanting to touch the still sticky woodstain and then set about securing the GM 2 dimensional relief inside.
  Then traveling Green Man will be looking for a home where he can hang out and travel from! Tonight when the project is finished I,ll set the box up with a tea candle in front of it and check out how The Gentle woodland giant looks. It amazes me the pleasure that I,m deriving from creating Green Men. Maybe as I,m getting older the anger and rage " all unhealthily internalised " that pushed me on is lessening and being replaced by gentler feelings? I still got a huge kick out of sculpting Irish legend Finn Mac Cool waving his axe in the air with his battle standard in his other leather gauntleted hand.
   Back to The traveling Green man. this one will not be numbered , He will be marked PROTOTYPE " probably on the bottom of the box, Signed and dated! The numbers will start after the fall tour with maybe one more prototype to follow, I,m even thinking now of Green men acrylic paintings and recording my instrumental on the Native American flute! I own five or six of these beautiful instruments, But will I reckon record the instrumental on the flute I,ve named Grandfather flute theyre all named, Albany flute, Texas,Colrado, Kentucky etc ! Why the name ? It was Clannandrumma,s first visit to Grandfather mountain, As always marred by ugliness by the guy who pretty much formed the band ! The reason I,ll keep to myself. in the spirit of " If you cant say anything good about a person, say nothing at all! Anyway by this point I,d become friendly with Joseph Riverwind of The Blessed Blend And he invited the future Mrs Ramone and a couple of other people to the Chalet he had rented for the weekend with his wife and partner in the band Lara lyn. It was a great night and I was able to let go of the anger that had built in me that day over a lovely meal.
    Later in the evening Joseph had excused himself and returned with what looked like a construction workers bag which he reverently placed on the coffee table and said to me " Take a look inside Davy " I did and my breath was taken away by the sight of maybe 10 or 11 beautiful Native American flutes! And not the kind that you,ll pick up for 40 or 50 bucks expensive beautifully crafted instruments that a professional player like Joseph would play! Demonstrating his amazing generosity of spirit Joseph said " Go ahead Davy! Pick one " Making sure that I didnt take advantage of this lovely mans kindness I made sure that I picked the smallest flute in this Aladdins cave of a construction workers bag. This is the flute, Grandfather flute that I,ll record with. I,ve had many good times with Joseph and Lara lyn! We,re all getting busier now with kids and our various projects, But I,ll go pick up the phone and try to get a hold of Joseph before I hit the road. Their newest Cd is an instrumental collection of woodland style compositions and extremely enjoyable.

HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE IN THE WORLD. DAVYTHESCULPTOR.

anyone interested in the traveling Green man prototype ? Drop me an email.

Good Morning.
  And how are you ? I,ve been busy busy busy wrapping up various art and sculpture projects. Then it will be time to shelve that part of my personality and focus on being a traveling entertainer / gypsy! Pretty much a different hotel every night as along with the guys as we travel making music. It,s a good life! It can be wearing though! Crap food, good and not so good accommodation ! I,ve always had sympathy for Gypsie,s ,Tinkers and various traveling peoples! It,s a lifestyle choice and a very hard one at that, without the discrimination and hostility they face from settled people and authorities! There are good and bad among every class of people! Some of the looks that we as a band attract as we travel state to state! Tattoo,s every where, beards, shaven heads, long hair, spikey hair and piercings .Invariably bleary eyed from lack of proper sleep or decent food or the previous nights drinking session! This is where wonderful friends like The Fischers come in who will put a roof over our heads and homecooked food in our stomachs. These things mean a lot.
   A tour ends and it,s back home to family life and refitting back in with a wife and kids and various animals who have adapted in my absence! But usually a quiet day to just " veg " in front of the television and everything shifts back to what passes for normality for me! Maybe a week into being home the musical shift takes place and I find my very basic rythm guitar style returning and I,ll return to my acoustic guitar and four string cigar box guitar and if I,m very lucky a song will manifest. Usually by this point the desire to sculpt, write and create returns and then Davy the stay at home husband father and artist is back.
  I can only speak for my own experience here, From the moment I awake Im, hearing music! Idea,s practical and wild appear! I write them down and if their any good they,ll still be good next time I return to them! Saturday afternoon I went to purchase some clay to return home to after touring and found to my mild irritation the clay I favor was out of stock! Then my eye rests on an 8 or 9 inch rectangular pine box with hinges and hasp ! An idea forms ! The box is relatively inexpensive, I,ll have enough clay left to create a 2 dimensional relief of a Green man and for added fun I,ll paint this ancient woodland deity on the top of the box add the relief to the inside! Voila someone has a traveling Green man, stand and open the box wherever your travels take you ,light a small candle, fire on some relaxing forest music and Bob,s yer uncle! Fannies yer aunt ! an idea fully formed and now in production. Then thinking of how I,ll execute this project brings to mind the fact that on my dictophone I have a very rough recording of an instrumental dedicated to the Green man that I composed on a native American flute. I dust that off and I still like the sound of it nearly five years down the line.
   Anyway, I,m about to start finishing the dry brushing on Celtic legend Finn Mac Cool who was commisioned a few months back! Thankfully I have a growing group of collectors who show great patience and faith in this scatterbrained artist.

HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE IN THE WORLD. DAVYTHESCULPTOR.

PS. You can reach me on facebook if you type in Davey Ramone Morrison.

MEMOIRS OF AN AIRDRIEONION IDIOT

GOOD DAY.
  Hello there, Been a funny week juggling with Sculpture, kids, bored with no pals around to play with, figuring how to juggle myspace and facebook! I sold a sculpture within two hours of the Blond Bombsite posting a photo of an Albannach skull, And the prospect of a six week or so tour getting closer!
    I keep in touch with a lot of friends through myspace and now facebook, I genuinely enjoy the banter and I,m starting to make cyber friends in places like Germany Italy Norway and Ireland who I,ve befriended as ways of getting my work out there! A German guy has commisioned a piece for after the tour and has emailed a few times just to shoot the breeze! A cool guy, what I,m doing isnt cynical on here! I genuinely like people as they are great sources of inspiration.
    Received an email from a good mate this morning and we gabbed about tattoo,s! He wants one, And this brought to mind a guy I met at a Kentucky Ren Faire on the summer tour, Troy! who asked me about commisioning a piece and then later asked if I might blog about tattoo,s. No problem tattoo,s are dear to me.
    I first got hooked on Tattoo,s probably 1979 / 80 when I was sixteen! A good few years before I got my first tattoo. Unemployed I was travelling to work with my brother in law landscape gardening as well as on the golf course he managed! Hell Ian is my brother! I,ve known him since I was 12. At age 16 I was really just a harmless Walter Mitty who had left high school Caldervale secondary with no qualifications whatsoever, The only advice I got from my careers officer was to have my father try to get me a job in the coalmines! I was a loser,I was working on the side for 20 pounds a week, This was risky as the Tory government actively promoted a Grassing = snitching  culture! sadly many people took a perverse pleasure in reporting people anonymously to the bureau of unemployment, I had left home to travel to Kirkintilloch from Airdrie wearing a shirt tie and scratchy wool interview jacket, a pair of black school trousers and polished shoes! My father as an old soldier was fanatical about shoe,s being polished! " my working clothes were left at my big sister Nans house! With my shapeless 70,s wavy hair I must have looked a real sight ! If you want a real visual of me at age 16 my brother in law swore I could be " Bob Geldof of The Boomtown Rats and later Live aids, young brother! There was a passing resemblance I confess now.
     SOOOOO I,m on the bus! Soon as we leave Airdrie the tie comes off and I fall to day dreaming of how one day I would be a professional muscician and tour America Were nearly at Kirkintilloch when a gruff male voice startles me from my reverie! " Move over big yin and let me sit down! I comply, but before going back to my daydream my attention is arrested by the still bloody fresh tattoo he has on his left arm closest to mine that is gripping the back of the chair in front of us, a sailing ship I can see it now! I clear my throat and ask politely " I like your tattoo big man! Where did you get it from? Equally politely he ryhmes a name off ,I,ve long forgotten. We dont talk anymore, But I was hooked from that moment. Later that night over a few underage beers, I was 16 and the legal age in Scotland to drink is 18, I say to Ian about the tattoo and the fact I liked it! He is scathing , He hates tattoo,s! I say " No I would like to learn to tattoo! This is what I love about my big brother, Nothing is impossible and dont dare use the word CANT in front of him! He regards me steadily and a little bit drunkenly and says " Well play your cards right and I,ll get you the equipment! I was such a negative arsehole at that point in my life I talked him out of it " Dont ask me why" he looked at me slightly contemptuously and muttered " fine have it your way boy ! But I,ll tell you this ! The way your going Sunshine you,ll finish up in a dead end factory job! Wasting your youth and a God given gift! Two years later I started a 20 year sentence in a Steel factory!
     But time moved on until 1984 or thereabouts and I bought a book called The Rock stars tattoo encyclopedia and saw the tattoo that I had to have! It was a shark tattooed on Slim Jim Phantom from the Stray Cats, this tattoo was executed I believe by London legend tattooist Dennis Cockell! I have to say at this point that I had visited Terry Wrigleys old shop on the London road Glasgow shortly after seeing the guy on the bus and Terry gently but firmly told me to " FUCK OFF Lol " as I was too young! But five years later I was back! Terry was a brilliant character! Loved by many, Disliked probably by just as many! He just didnt take any shite from anyone! A bluff Englishman wearing a white Doctor style white coat, he had a shock of white hair and dark penetrating eyes! A real old school tattooist who rightly earned the title Tattoo Legend! I,ll tell you, hand on heart I was about to get my first tattoo but I knew I was getting it from someone special who had more than paid his dues! If I remember correctly the doors from Terrys London road shop now rest in the San Francisco tattoo museum, Owned no less by Lyle Tuttle! The man who tattooed Janis Joplin! among many other.
   Terry looked at the book and said " fine son, that,s going to cost 20 pounds! I was shiting myself but I was in heaven to! Sensing my nervousness the tattooist laughed and said " where your getting this son , top of your right arm! you wont feel it too badly! He drew it on freehand with a biro pen and started the machine! Not a problem! of course I felt it, But Terry had said before starting " give yourself a decent nip on your arm big fella and that,ll give you an idea of what to expect. Only once did he look at me sharply, and that was when I asked a bit nervously " How can I learn to tattoo ? He stared a few seconds at me and said! " Get some COUNTRY BOY = ryhming slang for a 4 letter word that starts with C and ends with T " to teach you! " And before you ask me " he continued " I,ve got two lads of my own that I,m teaching! That was the end of that subject!
   Terrys dead now, I was privileged in later years to read his monthly column in a tattoo trade magazine for tattooists only ! I got a brilliant tattoo from a real legend in the craft, Terry was tough and operated a studio in the hard East end of Glasgow! East ends always seem to be rough areas? He could have bawled me out, finished my tattoo and told me in his legendary style to " FK OFF ! But he didnt ! Instead he offered me advice, that I acted on in 1988! The start of another chapter in my life!

Terry,s son Stuart Wrigley now runs a succesful studio in Glasgow city Centre, while his brother Stephen runs a studio in Glasgows west end. Great artists both! But then they were trained by their Father Terry! Give me a Terry wrigley, Cash Cooper, Dennis Cockle, Ed Hardy, Stony St Clair or Sailor Jerry any day of the week! The ones I see the odd time on television leave me completely cold! I am however very lucky to have a great tattooist Jamie of Thinkin Ink working just over the hill from where I,m bloggin now.

TO BE CONTINUED.            RIP Terry Wrigley.

HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE IN THE WORLD..... DAVYTHESCULPTOR.


OH YEAH! I,ll finish here yet! As a lovely coda to this blog! Years later 2003 Ian and I found ourselves in different lines at Glasgow Airport ! I was about to start a mammoth  two month tour of the states with Clannandrumma! Ian was headed for Iceland to lecture on Golf courses! I,m proud to say that Ian is Scotlands 1st Master Green keeper! We caught sight of each other, and as brothers who love each the world over will , started bantering and teasing each other! Anyway eyes twinkling with mischief Ian stuck his hand across the queue to me ,smiled and said " By Christ David we,re both a long way from Kirkintilloch now! Ian in his middle forties and I in my late thirties we had drank an ocean of drink together! Fought, fallen out and battled our respective demons to a standstill! But there we were battered bruised and heavily tattooed in my case anyway!.
   There is no such word as cant! In the words of a South Afrikaan mercenary I once met in a London boozer who overheard me use that dreaded  4 letter word! A huge scarred man he poked me in the chest and said! " There is no such word as Cant! If you really wanted to. You could break your finger in your own arsehole LOL! I,m going now!

MEMOIRS OF AN AIRDRIEONION IDIOT.

GOOD DAY
  And how is everyone today, Sometimes a heavy blog appears from nowhere! That,s fine though as it lets some of the younger kids who will email me now and again about my stories know that I didnt live a life of ease and privilege prior to Albannach and all my other escapades! One young lad who I met through great friend Mark  " PIRANHAFICATION " Fischer had me pegged as some kind of two fisted modern day John Wayne! The only thing that The Duke and I share in common is our surname Morrison! But I,m proud of that fact, I put the young man politely straight that through some of my darker actions I put myself in real danger! Almost getting stabbed by someone that a pal had ripped off! narrowly avoiding Hepatitus c another time! And no I,ve never used needle drugs! Stopping a pal from bludgeoning a man with a hammer in broad daylight at a folk  festival! A bad bad day at the office in anybodies lanquage! I left that festival in Auchtermuchty Fife the next morning " Sunday " to play a daytime gig with The Cuddies in Portobello Edinburgh and as I was talking to the singer he laughed and said " Great to see you big man! " I was worried about you, I knew you were in Muchty! Have you heard ? It,s in todays newspaper, a man was almost beaten to death at the festival last night! I almost shit myself with horror! My pal had disappeared for a few hours the previous evening! None of us had mobile phones at this point 97 / 98, I retched my guts up in the toilet because I had to return to Muchty to pick up my tent and a couple of pals ! Sober as a judge I have no memory of that gig! Just of rushing off and suffering a panic attack at the wheel of my car as I crossed the Forth road bridge into the beautiful kingdom of Fife. I arrived and met my pal who hugged me and dragged me to a music session in a local pub! Danny " NOT HIS REAL NAME " hadnt been involved thankfully, But was no way put out that I had assumed he was! I got the story from one of the guitarists from the as yet nonexistent Whiskey Devils ! Pat NOT HIS REAL NAME  had seen the whole thing as " New age Travellers had beaten the man with iron bars and bats after he " A touch foolishly, if you want my honest opinion " had unplugged their massive speakers that were blasting out rave music at two in the morning! Pat medium sized and sinewy, He kinda looks like Brad Pitts character in the movie Snatch ! was unable to help as someone had fed him a cup of " Magic mushroom laced tea earlier! He,s a hard tough man but could only sit horror stricken as his normally lightning fast reflexe,s defied his efforts to help. Pat once butted a guy in the face at a party " The asshole in question was bullying two girls " By the time he had finished! Hmm, I,m going to say 10 seconds later! there was blood on the ceiling of the smokey council house living room.
   The rest of the Sunday passed peaceably enough by our standards! another pal stuffed another guys head into a portaJohn that had been in use for two days! Elsewhere another mate smacked a guy in the face with a four string banjo " FOR ANYBODY WHO MAY HAVE READ THIS TALE ON THE ALBANNACH SITE I INTERPOSED MYSELF IN THE STORY TO TELL IT! I,ve heard it so often I believe I was there anyway! LOL.
    What a day that was! The Muchty residents tolerated us folk muscicians and the pals and other people who followed in our wakes because of the revenue we generated, But come night time on a sunday the young bucks of the otherwise peaceful Fife village were in no way averse to picking off stragglers who were trying to keep the weekend going! A gang of young guys had beaten a nice middle aged amateur folk singer as he patiently queued in the village fish and chip shop for a takeaway meal.  and I think Macgonnagel our mandolin player had softly said " that isnt fking right "  and we had charged out! Only to be stopped by the hotel bouncer a man in his early sixties who stopped us and said " Dinnae worry lads! I,ll sort this oot! awa back tae yer music! Like Charles Bronson in the depression era movie " Hard Times " he proceeded to give a spectacular display of boxing and streetfighting that left us speechless ! I,ll never forget the sound of the headbutt that the stocky white haired man delivered to the nose of one of his assailants, knocking him out in the process! I smile when people say how wild The Mighty Nach are! I,ll be 46 in a few days and I,m loving every second of my quiet life. It,s funny how you yearn for your seat by the fire when a guy has a pair of scissors pointed at your windpipe out of his mind on cheap wine! But thats another anecdote not even worth typing out ! Just a useless b....t I knew from school trying to rob me as I walked head down in pouring rain down to work a 12 hour night shift in the old steel factory mill / factory. But no ! I,m really and truly no kind of fighting man! I always preferred the path of diplomacy ! But where I was brought up you stood by your pals! fighting man or not. If you dont feel fear on some level in these situations, well thats not a good sign.

Have a great day wherever you are in the world ! DAVYTHESCULPTOR " and Raconteur"

ART, MUSIC AND SCULPTURE JOURNAL.

GOOD DAY.
   Hello there! I,m sulking today! My cigar box guitar is refusing to cooperate with me! Cant keep her in tune for some reason, But I love her so she is safely back in her box. But before she took THE HUMP = mood  With me I managed to practise in the sitting room, Songs I,ve written as well as songs that The keeper of the awesome sideburns wrote or helped me with! Strathmiglo 3 chords in my rendition on the cigar box, Hawkers bundle! Daddy why,d you kill my puppy ??? led onto " Who killed Billy the flying Badger? written by my late fathers childlike labourer in the mines I,m going to call him Tommy Mc Cormack, At the moment on the guitar I,m approaching a level of mediocrity that thrills me! I can get all the way through a song now without it falling apart because I,ve became aware that I havent FKED it up! So I,m singing and the wee man is watching Charlie and Lola and I see his wee lips moving! He,s singing the moronically catchy chorus with me! Then an odd thing happens! My eyes flood with tears and my throat constricts I put the instrument down and go to the restroom / toilet lest the little boy notices ! I pull myself together.
     I met Tommy a few times! Even heard him sing his definitive version of Billy the badger ..As a baby in my pram my father told me how he met Tommy one August 63 day in Airdrie when I was a couple of weeks old and the fact that the burly man wouldnt look at me until he could bust a ten pound note and place the 5 pounds of it in my shawl! A lot of fking money in 1963. Tommy lived with his elderly mother and never married and treated her like a queen! semi literate he almost broke my fathers heart as he haltingly read out the cause of her death on the death certificate !! Malnutrition, the kindly man struggled with the word ! Childlike  he never knew that she might need food other than the best cuts of butcher meat  and Ayrshire potatoes that he bought and carried home and clumsily cooked for her! She never starved! Just didnt get food she could properly eat.
  Tommy loved to sing ! But couldnt sing or remember words , So my father, A great singer himself who knew many songs, told him and maybe unwittingly gave him a wonderful gift in the process " Sing your own songs Tommy! then no one will know when you forget! I heard the badger song and when Tommy forgot his words he would simply bellow " OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH " until the elusive words returned. His workmates laughed with him. Then my mind turned to a grimmer tableau. Four men in a dark and damp coalmine , one bleeding out in a pool of blood ,gore and hydraulic fluid as he was trapped 45 minutes without morphine while bits of his feet were strewn behind him, Paramedics and mine firemen worked as quickly as they safely could to cut the injured miner from the coal conveyor chain that he had been dragged 40 or so feet in ! Tommy holding my fathers hand, rocking back and forth on his heels as he did so , the other calloused hand over his eyes at the sight of horror in front of him, Inarticulate with a grief he would have been unable to express Tommy would have swapped places in a heartbeat with the father of two still young boys ! another miner I,ll call Jack Connolly, a tough man from the town of Bellshill! rubbing his forehead against my fathers and  like a buddhist mantra repeating over and over " Dont you dare fking die Jigs, my fathers nickname ! " dont you dare fucking die! His own tears soaking my fathers face  " You die and I,ll fking kill you! the fourth man nicknamed " Flipper " was traumatised and half drunk, the other men tolerated and covered for him as he was a good man, Just not a great deal of help down a coalmine! This man was my fathers only witness! And had raised the alarm and fetched the other two men.The pit supervisor would take a garbled and shocked witness account from Flipper and use it as gospel to deny my father compensation for 7 years! Flipper died before the case came to tribunal. Seven years that brought my mother to the edge of a nervous breakdown if not for the help from neighbours who I will name as they were and will always remain giants among human beings! Eddie and Sheila Mcmanus, Freddie and Margaret Harper and last but never least John and Margaret Coulter Jimmy and Janette Carson!  I love every one of you and will never forget your kindness towards two frightened bewildered little boys and their frantic mother . If I named everyone who helped I,d be here all day.
    By and by my father made a great recovery. Tommy stopped singing after what happened to his auld pal who never took advantage of his shortcomings! He did say he would sing when Jigs got back on a Pit bus! 1982 his wish came true when helped by friends my father indeed stepped back on a pit bus! Tommy saw his pal and his eyes lit up and according to my father belted out the most " Fking awful " It made his three remaining toes curl LOL version of " Who killed Billy the flying badger ????? apparently there wasnt a dry eye on the bus that afternoon.
   Dont count on ever hearing this song performed live after this morning.
DAVY..

ART AND SCULPTURE JOURNAL!
GOOD DAY.
  " Thats it " I bellowed ,Containing my frustration with a massive effort of will ! " Yer onto plums now ..... TRANSLATED... your out of luck.... The Blonde Bombsite AKA Zoe had pushed me too far and had lost another task! I dislike the word chore! and subsequently another chunk of allowance, She slunk sullenly up the stairs to her room, I slunk angrily into the basement studio and pulled on the sparring mitts and punched the rubber shit out of my sparring dummy, and began to feel better but bad at the same time, I,m a parent but I dont like being the bad Dad. It,s one thing to dock a kid on her allowance, but at the same time I,m trying to instill, along with Mrs Ramone a good work ethic in the little girl, I would have to come up with something ! Today I think I just did, At 11 years of age she is a whizz on the computer, loves photography ! So TARRAH I have a new assistant to help with the photography side of things down loading etc ! All the things I have zero interest in learning about! She weighed in with a splendid idea an hour or so back! So we,ll see how it all goes from here.
    Last night the songwriting muse descended just as I toyed with the idea of an early night! The rest of the family had all BUCK,T OFF .... Gone... to bed still a bit tired from their vacation, but no early night for me ! sadly When the muse comes down from Mount Parnassus it is folly indeed to ignore her. I had sown the seed of a ballad at Grandfather mountain when I ran into a moonshiner pal from Gatlinburg on the mountain! I swear to God I,ve drank some crap in my time even I,m ashamed to say milk and brass cleaner back in the wilder irresponsible days! But this moonshine / poteen ! pronounced Pocheen is wonderful ! as innocent tasting as a kids fruit punch ! The moonshiner, I,ll protect his identity gave me a full JEELY JAUR = jelly jar of his wonderful potion and I was happy as a sand boy and may even " if I hadnt been wearing my plaid " have executed a hand stand out of sheer joy ! The big fella offered me a litre of wine to, but in the spirit of not being greedy I politely turned down his kind offer.
   The first person I ran into was a thirsty looking Alex from Scythian and offered him a drink ! Lord god almighty ! He had the Jar out of my hand before I could say " Haud on big man this is the rare Auld mountain dew your drinking! handle with care ! His eyes lit up! " thanks Davy ! thats like nectar! Jazus giving yer man a drink is like throwing water into a barrel of sawdust ! But it was a big jar and by sheer avarice and deviousness I gave the jar to the long suffering Mrs Ramone who merely sniffed and put said jar in her purse!
    So quite happily last night after breaking up a fight with our cat Cleo and Scottish terrier Colum " THE RUSSIAN FRONT IS BELLOWING OUT YOUR NAME ! to give him his full title !!! I grabbed my lyric book, Poured the last of the moonshine " Sniff " and for added inspiration I stuck on a newly arrived Dvd of Richard Harris,s classic movie The Field ! The words came slowly over the next 2 hours " Sometimes a song appears composed ! just waiting to be sung " until I had 4 verses and 2 different chorus,s tribute to my mysterious but talented moonshining pal. It sounds daft but the process left me drained  and I realised that if I wanted to sleep then I would have to come up with a melody! " F..K A DOODLE DOO " ! Muttered to myself in irritation ! Then BLAM !!! further inspiration ! The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem traditional ballad The Moonshiner came into my head! " FK it " I laughed I,ll put the words to that melody! it,s the same style of subject matter anyway! a man singing the praises as well as giving a cautionary warning about the perils of drinking Irish poteen! I felt a momentary twinge of plagiaristic guilt at HALF INCHING = Pinching = stealing an existing melody! As an artist with delusions of songwriting I feel I have a duty to try to bend the 4 or 5 chords that I utilise into somewhat original melodies ! But you know what ??? With my family sleeping safely in bed , a great movie to inspire me! the warm glow of excellent moonshine in my stomach and my cherished four string cigar box guitar to compose on ! I thought " maybe the late great Tommy Makem, Paddy and Tom Clancy might understand my musical laziness on this occasion.

RIP.. TOMMY, PADDY AND TOM.. Have a great day wherever you are in the world !!

DAVYTHESCULPTOR ! And occasional writer of songs!

MEMOIRS OF AN AIRDRIEONION IDIOT.
                    
GOOD AFTERNOON.
  " David ! Whatever do you mean that you have declared all out Jihad on Borders bookstore? My mother in law looked perplexed! I was enjoying my " pretend pouting session! The kids ignored me! Mrs Ramone rolled her eye,s! " Mom dont encourage him! He,s just a pompous Scottish book snob! I reeled as if struck! Whit d,ye mean I,m a booksnob ? I didnt contest the pompous assertion! My Texan wife yelled! " You are a booksnob! Go on tell my Mom why you wont visit 2nd hand bookstores! I muttered "I dont like books that dead people might have read " I muttered sheepishly, " Oh my goodness David I,ve never heard such nonsense! My mother in law looked shocked! I was on the ropes getting it tight from two members of the opposite sex at once! Mrs Ramone sniffed! " He,s a hypocrite to! If I had hair I would be tearing it out! I glared at the double glazed window picturing myself knocking myself out bouncing off it unconscious after failing to jump head first through it ! " HYPOCRITE " I howled! " Yeah hypocrite! Your the guy who,se ambition it is to own a Robert Burns 1st edition of poems chiefly in the Scottish dialect ! how many dead people have thumbed through that book, do you think?. I was beaten.
     Smiling my mother in law asked " Why have you declared war on Borders bookstores ? " I mumbled " they dont stock Garth Ennis graphic novels or The Goon comics " I trailed off pathetically. " Well how about Barnes and Nobles then ? Mother in law asked ! " they,re alright I suppose, I got a copy of Richard Harris,s This sporting life Dvd there on the last tour" " That,s settled then David we,ll go to Barnes and Nobles then! I felt as if I had clawed back some of my battered dignity.
    An hour or so later in a paroxysm of hypocritical glee I smiled at my mother law happily ! " Ah,m telling ye! This is the best 2nd hand bookstore I,ve ever been in! " Gooooood, dont ya,ll know that everythings bigger and better in Texas ? " Yeah yeah" I replied with four nearly new looking books in my arms! Eyeing the covers my mother in law said " Judging by the condition of these books ah dont reckon many dead people have flicked through these! I shook my head and smiled! I had a book about Andy Kaufmann! Although I put it back, A kids book for the wee man a nearly new book about Metallica and best of all the huge Reverend Billy F Gibbons of ZZ Top fames coffee table book " Rock n roll gearhead! I think thats the name ? It only cost 10 bangers as opposed to 30 and there was no smell of formaldehyde emanating from it! Cindy beamed appovingly and tapping the cover said " That,s Billy mah boy ! I,ve seen them in concert a few times , once in a small bar when they were startin out ! My jaw fell open in awe! " Jazus " I breathed in I,m not worthy admiration ! Knowing she had my attention 200 % she continued " I,ll tell you better than that David I once sat with him on a commercial flight out of Houston! " I felt as giddy as a young girl on prom night ! " Wooooooooow" I breathed, The next thing my mother in law said I,ll probably be telling people on my death bed! It was simultaneously the most ridiculous but at the same time " To a superstitious Scot anyway" sensible thing I have ever heard another human being utter!! So I say to my mother in law " I,ve heard that he is quite a gracious man who is happy to talk with fans and admirers! Cindy replied " I dont know about that David! I didnt say a single word to him! I was counting the minutes until the plane touched down and I could put a 100 miles between Billy and me! Dismayed I asked " But why Cindy ? You love his music! Was he an asshole ? This is what she said next and what has me believing that I,ve found another kindred spirit who thinks like me! " Honey he was just the kindest most accomodating soul you could ever wish to meet ! telling stories and signing autographs! people were laughing and smiling, An all I could think was whyever did I have to meet this lovely man on an aeroplane ?? Scratching my shaven skull in complete confusion I said " You,ve lost me Cindy! lovely gracious man, signing autographs everybody smiling and laughing! She patted my shoulder smiling and said " Oh David! do the math, Buddy Holly Stevie Ray Vaughn ! would you wanna share an airplane with a Texas born singer songwriter guitarist ???? She spotted her daughter and walked away before I could collect my scattered wits!
    Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! Maybe 6 or 7 years ago a good mate came to pick me up and give me a lift to Edinburgh airport! I was flying to Italy with the band I was in at the time Clannandrumma for an Italian Scottish whisky festival! After throwing my kitbag and bodhran in the boot of Gregors car we took off talking away all the time while the morning rock station played in the background ! My blood froze as the unforgettable riff from " sweet home Alabama " came on the radio! Superstitious I blocked the music out! 15 minutes later the unmistakeable start to Buddy Hollys " That,ll be the day " Chimed out ! Sweat beaded my scalp ,I felt sick and my balloon knot = Asshole twitched like a wee rabbits nose ! I thought of my new fiance in west Virginia, It was all I could do not to scream " TURN THIS FKING CAR AROUND! And like the scared grunt in Apocalype now " yell " I,M NOT GOING!

HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE IN THE WORLD. DAVYTHESCULPTOR " and superstitious Scot "

PS. I went to Italy and considering the fact it was Clannandrumma I had a good time.