I am a freelance musician; mostly a jazz musician, but I am also into playing/arranging/teaching funk, salsa, R&B, gospel ... anything that'll get you movin' & groovin'.  I love my job.  However, that doesn't mean that I feel it's a GOOD job.  We all go through phases in our lives when we evaluate the results of our decisions to do what we do professionally ... 'Am I satisfied with my work?', 'Do I make enough money?' 'Is this worth getting up in the morning for?' ... I believe it all comes down to respect ... either the respect you get at work & have for your co-workers/boss/clients/etc, or ample compensation for the absence thereof.

I judge how good a job is based on its bullshit/pay ratio.  For example, if I'm a corporate IT minion, I'm happy to sit there and waste half my day on some mindless Human Resources training exam about what expenses are/aren't admissible when I take a potential client out golfing ... you're paying me $150/hr, so you can wring me through as many pointless surveys you want - bring 'em on, I'll be Facebooking in the mean time! This job would be considered a good job because although there is a mother load of corporate policy blah and red tape, the compensation is plentiful, and the BS/pay ratio is therefore favourable.  Take another example ... I've just started up my own business making and selling my own natural organic soaps and body products; I make maybe a $1000/month profit, but there are no stuffed-shirted bureaucrats breathing down my neck, no ambitious backstabbers trying to stamp me down as they claw their way up the ladder, just the sweet smell of cinnamon and lavender to greet me and my tree-huggin', feel-good hippie customers.  This is also a good job ... the pay is minimal, but there is no BS to be seen, heard or smelled for miles around.  Again, the BS/pay ratio is favourable.  

I have come to realize that, based on the above criteria, being a freelance jazz musician is NOT a good job.  I'm constantly encountering the 'yeah you're a musician, but what do you really do, for a living?' attitude.  Clients and bar owners expect  me to play for hours on end without breaks because hey, I'm enjoying it, right? We're all here to have a good time so I should just shut up and be grateful that I just get to goof off and have fun while everyone else is working.  Besides, they're doing me a favour by giving me ... 'EXPOSURE' ... (to which I usually respond with 'don't people die from that?').  And of course there is always that one dashing young man in a designer suit with the mischievous smirk on his face who comes up and plinks on my keys, thinking he's oh so suave - meanwhile I'm trying to deliver a decent rendition of some insipid ballad the client's uncle requested.  Now, I don't give a damn how good looking or rich you are, when you do that, you are a jackass ... and you can be sure that the pianist does NOT think it's remotely cute or charming, but actually wants to murder you at that moment.  How would you like it if I barged into your office with a full-blown New Orleans marching band and knocked my trombone slide onto your speaker phone button right when you were about to close that deal?  I didn't think so.  So don't do it, it's extremely disrespectful.  Just because I happen to enjoy my work does not give anybody a license to treat me any differently than any other professional.  An esteemed colleague and I were discussing this very subject, and his thoughts on the matter were, 'you know, you'd never go up to a prostitute and say 'hey, wow, sex is GREAT, it must be fantastic to do that for a LIVING!'' ... think about it.  

So how did it come about that here in North America it is socially acceptable to treat musicians this way?  I have a theory about this, so hear me out here ... notice that musicians who have jobs with symphony orchestras, pit orchestras, TV studios, etc. are generally looked kindly upon (and are protected by the union; sadly the benefits of being in the musicians' union don't extend to freelancers to nearly the same degree, but that's another rant for another time).  Also notice that what I'm about to point out doesn't just apply to jazz musicians in small clubs, but freelancers who play R&B, blues, rock, funk and jazz in every setting from restaurants to discotheques, from cruise ships to summer festivals ... somehow it's ok to ask the musicians to play for free or dirt cheap, or not to cover their transportation, not to provide proper meals (what do you mean these 2-square-inch soggy egg salad sandwiches won't get you through the night, you ingrates?!), how it's fine to expect the musicians to just vanish into thin air once their set is done and magically re-materialize for the next one and the next, without offering or sometimes even allowing us a place to sit and have a coffee while we recharge and collect our creative mind power to be able to deliver another hour of our specialized services.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to argue that this always the case; I have been treated and paid very well in many performing situations here in Canada.  What I'm saying is that it is much more widespread than it ought to be, and it is somehow subconsciously acceptable on the part of North American society.  My theory will not sit well with everyone, as it has some very uncomfortable racial tones to it, but after much reflection on this issue, I truly feel that this mentality stems from the days of blatant segregationist policies in the deep south, all the way up to the more subtle and not-so-subtle racial divisions in the northern USA and yes, even Canada.  In those days, black entertainers were allowed to perform for a white audience, but they were kept separate by a water-tight barrier ... the whites would be enjoying their 3rd dish of their 12 course meal at the dinner theatre, an ensemble of sharply-dressed black musicians would appear on stage and deliver a dazzling performance, lift everyone's spirits, then be quickly whisked away and relegated to the basement to sit on rickety, splintering old chairs under dripping rusty pipes, snacking on their pickled pigs' feet until it was time to go on again.  All of the styles of music I listed above can trace their roots directly to the Black American musical tradition of the Old South as it found its way up the Mississippi and branched off into all of these genres we know today.  Though the colours of the faces of the musicians who now perform this music all over North America are as varied as songs and grooves they play, the conventions of a past segregationist era die hard.  

I will admit, some things have definitely changed in the last few decades, and at this point the whole industry has pretty much been taken over by lawyers, accountants and business tycoons wanting to make a quick buck.  On many levels, it has become all about marketing an image, and less and less about the actual music; regardless of style or scene, the music business attracts so many phony, opportunistic name-dropping sleazeballs, with all the charm of a used-car salesman.  This can be tolerated in the Pop and Top 40 circles where's there's actually money there to justify enduring that kind of massive headache (see BS/Pay ratio), but sadly it happens in all genres; hardly seems worth it ... as a great jazz guitarist once told me, 'there's TENS of dollars in jazz'.  Unless of course you're Keith Jarrett, but who wants to be Keith Jarrett, really? So, given the severely disproportionate amount of money we get paid to deal with the aforementioned steaming pile, I reiterate, being a freelance jazz musician in North America is not a good job.

European and Japanese concert promoters are dumbfounded when I inform them of the average working conditions and expectations of jazz/rock/funk etc. musicians here; they simply cannot believe that all of the dedication and hard work it takes to do what we do is scarcely acknowledged or compensated accordingly.  Keep in mind that these are much older, more mature societies with a drastically different history and view of art and culture than North America ... after all, it ultimately took Europeans to nurture Black American musical talent in the first place (Germans Alfred Lion & Francis Wolff launched Blue Note Records, and Ahmet Ertegün from Turkey started Atlantic) thereby bringing to life what is arguably North America's greatest contribution to art.   

Don't get me wrong, there are many things I really love about my country and this continent, but I'm not surprised that so many American artists and musicians have moved to Europe to live and work.  I would now like to share a personal experience I had with this very issue.  Five years ago I did my first small concert tour of Denmark, where I was very well-received, well-paid, well-fed, and the venues were almost full to capacity of jazz-appreciating concert-goers even in the smallest towns.  The day after I returned to Montreal I was asked to do a jazz trio cocktail gig for the inauguration of a new building at a local institution, which will remain nameless.  To set the scene a bit here, we were playing in the lobby/open stairwell and the music wafted up to the party taking place on the mezzanine above. We had already played for over 90 minutes straight without a break (which is beyond the call of duty according to the musicians' union), when a crumpled-up napkin came hurtling at us from above.  One of the organizers was trying to get our attention to stop the music so they could make speeches.  Seriously, how much time and effort does it take to walk down one flight of stairs to address us face to face? No coordinator worth his salt would even DREAM of throwing a napkin at the bartender or the caterer ... we certainly weren't going to let him leave that event believing that this is acceptable behaviour.  The trombonist gave him a stern talking-to, privately and quietly, and we thought that was the end of it.  We played another set, and no sooner had we laid our instruments down for a short pause, a very agitated woman appeared at the railing above and asked why we weren't playing.  The bassist responded that we had just played an hour and that we would be back on after a 10 minute break.  She sneered, 'are we paying you to take breaks?', to which I informed her, 'yes, as a matter of fact, you are'.  And we have a contract to prove it, beyotch.  Then, yet another organizer came down and said there was a whole lot of hemming and hawing among the coordinators that the musicians had been rude and that she wanted to know what our side of the story was.  The trombonist calmly explained the situation, and the lady apologized for the whole thing, then brought us our dinner and told us to enjoy our food and finish playing the last set when we were ready.   So then we REALLY thought it was all over and we could finish doing our job in peace.  WELL ... then the previous agitated lady stomped down the stairs and started going off at us about how people like us are the reason that musicians have such a bad reputation and have trouble getting work, and that they were doing us a big favour by giving us this opportunity to get some experience and we were so ungrateful and that she was going to see to it that we would be fired from the following week's engagement that we had also been hired to play at.  (she was unsuccessful in that particular pursuit, fyi).  I could hardly believe this was actually happening, it all seemed so surreal in my jet-lagged stupor, but it occurred to me just then that she thought we were naive 18-yr-old first-year music students she could just pull her intimidation trip on.  Of course it's not ok to treat anybody that way regardless of age or stage in life, but she clearly had no idea who she was dealing with.  We had long-since finished our schooling, the trombonist produces a concert series for a venue in town, the bassist has many years of TV studio and pit orchestra experience under his belt, and I had just come back from a European concert tour - and I was tired and cranky to boot!! We finished playing and left without incident, but let's just say several senior officials at this institution received detailed, angry letters the very next day, as did her employer.  One of the other band members was really pushing for a formal apology.  This we never got, but we did get word that she and her napkin-tossing sidekick were disciplined and re-trained accordingly.  That was good enough for me, as my goals were not to get revenge or even an apology, but to (a) make sure these people knew very well that there is a protocol to follow when hiring musicians for an event, just like any other contractor providing a service, and that it must be respected, and (b) to do my damned best to make sure that this NEVER happens to myself or any other musician hired by that organization EVER AGAIN.  

Now, don't think I'm one of those self-pitying artists who thinks the world owes me a living just because I have a God-given gift and society should just hand me all the goodies in life on a silver platter.  Yes, to be a good musician takes many years of hard work and dedication, and it also does depend on the luck of the draw, having been blessed with good ears and a good sense of rhythm, melody, harmony ... however, I'm not letting musicians off the hook here.  Sometimes we perpetuate our own situation and have nobody to blame but ourselves at the end of the day; sure the odds are stacked against us (based on my theory I described previously), but it is up to us to rise above it and command the respect we feel we deserve;  because the bottom line is, if we don't respect ourselves, it's a sure bet that nobody else will either.  Musicians may have a reputation for being irresponsible drunks, or for being slobs or for showing up late, or simply that we are just doing this on our spare time away from our 'real' jobs, and many members of the public at large react to us based on these pre-conceptions; we have to be actively working to turn this around.  Case in point - a colleague of mine arrived at a venue to find out that the organizer had canceled last minute; no warning, no recourse, nothing ... then he was hastily offered a beer in lieu of pay for the gig.  My colleague proceeded to explain to him that he had turned down other work for the night, and being a freelance contractor that he was now, as a direct result of this lack of consideration on the organizer's part, out of a job at that moment.  He then firmly demanded to be reimbursed for the taxi ride at the very least, which fortunately he was.  My friends, do NOT accept beer as payment, especially if that was not what was agreed upon beforehand.  I don't care how much you're love to have a nice, cold beer after a hard day - because fact is you CANNOT pay your daughter's med school tuition with a pint of Guinness, you cannot finance your home with a bottle of Molson Ex ... if you want to be treated like a professional, then ACT like one. No other professional would tolerate this kind of cop-out, and neither should you, no matter how much you want that beer.  Also, don't play that gig for $30, even though you're dying to play your new tunes for people.  Because it just lowers the bar for everyone, and as a result it becomes more and more impossible to negotiate appropriate pay for the quality of the services we provide.  At $30/night, let's face it, you're not paying the rent with that so it's not as if you're playing there because you need the money.  A better approach would be to invite some people to your jam space for a party or a concert, maybe charge $2 or pass the hat, have them bring their own preferred beverages, and voila!, a modern-day salon, just like the artistic community in France used to do in the 18th century.  Everybody wins, and club owners and the public at large are not coming away with the increasingly negatively skewed perception of the true value of live music.  Some people will argue that the bars can't afford it and that if we all refuse to play for less than we deserve, the live music scene will die.   A compelling argument, but I'm not buying it, at least not for the long term ... I had a Swedish student a little while ago tell me that he was amazed he could go and see a live band here for $5, that it would be at least $35 in his country.  Currency exchange rate and other variables aside, this is a very strong statement about the value (or lack thereof) that North American society places on freelance musicians.  This needs to change; it will take time, but we have the power to go out there and start getting some respect for ourselves and turn being a freelance musician into a good job.

I'm not going to deny that in most other fields of work, if we were to have attained the level of skill and experience that we have as musicians, we would be a lot more financially secure and would have been promoted a few ranks up the professional heirarchy.  However, if we're going to whine and gripe about how in any other profession things would be like this or like that, we also have to understand that in any other profession certain things would be expected of us as well, and we should also be striving to live up to those.  Wear proper attire, get to the venue on time, and don't give anybody an excuse to try to pull a fast one on you.  You're holding up your end of the deal, now they should be obliged to deliver on theirs.  This works even better if you can get it in writing! (I firmly believe that if anybody you're dealing with isn't willing to sign their name to their word, you probably don't want to be doing business with them in the first place).  Bar owners/producers/agents etc. must understand that they need you in order to do business successfully; without freelance musicians, there would be no record companies or discotheques or music festivals; wedding ceremonies and corporate events would certainly be orders of magnitude duller ... maybe some people would go to a club or bar anyway, but not nearly as many as if there were a really great band with a solid local following being featured there.  You are entering a mutually beneficial arrangement with these organizers, and they need to realize that you and they are working together to help each other become more successful than either of you could have on your own.  This is the whole point of doing business with somebody.  And in order for them to recognize that they are doing business and not just dropping change in a busker's hat, you have to make sure that they recognize you as a business person.  Because as a freelancer, that's what you are, whether you like it or not. (side-note: yes, buskers deserve respect too, but that's another discussion for another time).

As a society we're becoming desensitized to music because it is everywhere - ring-tones, iPods, the speakers at the supermarket, elevators (debatable whether to call it music, but I digress); and now we musicians are competing with XBox/big screen TVs/MSN messenger/you name it to entertain you ... it's amazing that people would rather stay home in their basements and play guitar hero than go out and check out an honest-to-goodness REAL guitar player.  It's no coincidence that North Americans are more depressed and anxious than ever before ... I'm just holding out hope that some day we will all wake up and realize that real live music is inherently part of being human; human beings have been singing and banging on things (rocks, drums) since the dawn of existence.  All tribal cultures have specific songs and dances for every important rite of passage in life ... there is something so deep and moving that connects us to one another when we're sharing a musical experience, whether we're jumping up and down together at a rock concert, dining at an intimate restaurant to the sweet sounds of a string quartet, dancing salsa on the beach on a hot tropical night ... let's face it, musicians make life worth living!  THAT is our job.  Doctors save your health, farmers feed you, accountants help you keep afloat ... then we musicians add passion, flare and emotion to all that.  That is what we do.   And just like any other professional who strives to make life better for themselves and everyone they deal with, we deserve to be respected for it.

                

One thing many of these networking sites share in common is that they feature categories for users to fill in about their interests ... what movies do you like? What activities do you enjoy? Your favorite TV show? Your favorite book? Well that’s all fine and dandy, but what they are neglecting to acknowledge is that by having you fill in just these categories, they’re ultimately only presenting half the picture. What about what movies you can’t stand? Things you absolutely dread doing? I think one can really learn a lot about a person by learning what he/she doesn’t like, and usually it’s quite an amusing read as well! I’m not trying to be negative or anything here, but really, think about it ... someone’s dislikes are just as integral a part of who they are as their interests.

So just for kicks, in case y’all have some extra time on your hands and care to get to know me a bit better, here are some things I really could do without:

Food & Drink:
1-British "cuisine"
2-1’s spoiled brat New World child, fast food. Thankfully, despite the English, America also has baked beans and jambalaya; a small saving grace amid a swamp of carcinogens, fat, processed sugar, synthetic flavourings and other yummy treats.
3-poor excuses for beer (Labatt, Molson, Coors, Bud, etc.)
4-poor excuses for chocolate (if it wasn’t made in Europe, eat it yourself, I won’t help you)
5-North America’s interpretation of "Mexican food". Mexico is not THAT far away - go on a research trip and get it right already!!!

Movies:
1-Seven. I’m not saying it was a bad movie, but was it really necessary? I still want to retch whenever I think about it.
2-Madame Tutli-Putli. It was incredibly well done, but I found it excessively dark, artsy-fartsy and self-indulgent. They totally deserved their Oscar nomination - I just personally didn’t enjoy the film, that’s all.
3-85-90% of what comes out of Hollywood these days. Especially the B movies they make us watch on the bus to Mexico. See "Music - 3".

Actors:
1-Tom Cruise - contrary to what you so adamantly believe, the whole universe does NOT revolve around you. Please, for the love of God just shut up already and put yourself out of our misery.
2-Steve Martin - you’re really not that funny. And geez, trying to accentuate your funniness by hanging out with the Monty Python guys is like trying to show everyone how sexy you are by standing next to D’Angelo.

Music (Well, I’m reluctant to call this "music". How about "insipid noise"):
1-Kenny G. - he has ruined the saxophone for generations to come
2-White "Contemporary" Christian. Two words - NED FLANDERS!
3-pretty much anything in the "Top 40" over the last 15 years - it’s about bloody time we wrestle the music industry back out of the hands of lawyers and accountants - haven’t we suffered through enough corporate diarrhea already? It was a sad, sad moment in the history of popular music the day Paris Hilton released an album. COME ON!!!
4-commercial radio. It’s annoying all over the world, in any language, in any country; a universal blight on the soundscape.

Activities I’d really rather not partake in:
1-Driving (as you all know from a previous blog)
2-Recording. Yes, I’m a musician and I hate recording. Sure I’ll do it, but it’s like something to get overwith, like a day at the office or a root canal.
3-Wearing make-up, pantyhose, heels etc. Though I have in the past and will again do it for money.
4-Shopping (I guess I really am a man trapped in a woman’s body)

Television:
1-American sitcoms (Seinfeld excepted)
2-The Learning Channel - which used to be interesting way back when, but should now be re-branded as The Mundane, Uninspired Suburban Housewives Channel (or MUSH for short).
3-American/Canadian/Australian/Czech/Swedish/Uzbekistani etc. etc. Idol

Books:
Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park - this is a very rare case in which the movie was WAY more enjoyable than the book.

Undesirable people and/or their undesirable qualities:
-Self-righteous jazz musicians (Keith, contrary to what you so adamantly believe, the whole universe does not revolve around you either)
-Self-righteousness in general
-People who don’t know or care about anything outside of their own neighbourhood
-People who take gambling too seriously
-People in streets or public gathering areas holding CLIP BOARDS. Don’t approach me! Don’t talk to me! I just want to enjoy my afternoon at the market without you trying to sell me some one-time-only spa package offer. PISS OFF!!!!!
-People who come to my HOUSE with CLIP BOARDS! They’re even worse. GO AWAY, or I’ll get the garden hose!

Miscellaneous irritants that never should have been invented/born:
-Air conditioning
-Hornets/yellowjacket wasps (give me tarantulas and scorpions any day!)
-Ugly or banal architecture
-Aspartame
-Perfume
-VLTs (add a touch of class to any establishment!)
-Casinos
-Companies who make their money solely by buying up patents and suing for infringement - can anyone say NO INTEGRITY??
-Big-screen TVs
-Planned obsolescence - I can’t even opt to spend more money to buy something made in Germany that will last more than 3 days anymore!! If we don’t want to buy cheap made-in-China crap we’ll just have to live like the Amish.
-Factory farms
-’80s "fashion"
-Wonderbread (though it is useful for plumbing - notice it didn’t even qualify for the "food" category?)
-Automated telemarketing - they call me with a recorded message, not even having the decency to waste their OWN time while they waste mine. Some nerve.
-Government sanctioned incompetence (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, come live in Quebec for a little while)
-’80s hair

Ok, since when has "Christmas" become a bad word? It seems only in the last 2 or 3 years that everybody in this country has suddenly become paranoid, politically-correct self-loathing clods. When I was growing up the greeting "Merry Christmas" carried the joy of the season and was exchanged with warmth and a smile ... but just last year as I was leaving my dentist's office and said "Merry Christmas" to the receptionist, she looked at me like I may as well have said "Go F*** Yourself", and then corrected me with "Happy Holidays".

Now schools across the country are changing words of classic Christmas songs like Silver Bells: "Soon it will be a festive day", companies now have "Winter Celebrations" instead of Christmas parties, and some public buildings no longer display Christmas trees (which is actually a Pagan tradition by origin and has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus). What IS this?? Have we all gone completely insane? All this in the name of not offending any particular cultural group that make up the diverse fabric of Canadian society. So then why is it that the vast majority of people who are going around spouting their "Happy Holidays" and being offended on behalf of religious minorities at the mere mention of Christmas happen to be White Anglo-Saxon Protestants?? CHRISTIANS!

My Jewish friends always wish me a Merry Christmas, and they really mean it; even if they wished me a Happy Chanukah, I would say it right back with the same chutzpah! Why? Because regardless of creed, or even culture, there's a common understanding that holidays are about spending time with and appreciating our loved ones, sharing wonderful food, pondering who we are and why we're here, and being thankful for all the good things we have in life. Almost any other human being on earth understands the significance of this, so why are we hiding from it under the cloak of something generic that has absolutely no meaning at all? Instead of changing the words to a Christmas song and cheapening something that has substance and history, why not learn it as it is, and also learn an actual song from another culture and teach the kids that one too? That way we all share and learn about each other for real instead of just painting over everybody with the same big bland "happy holidays" brush.

Wallowing in our inferiority complex and putting on the "happy holidays" mask only plunges us further into ignorance and denial. "Hee hee, you're human, I'm human, we're all the same." NO, we're not all the same. We are all equal in the sense that we all have a right to security of person, comfort, love, and as I mentioned above, all peoples of the world share many common threads when it comes to rites, traditions, food, etc. but we're not all the same. That's what makes the world, and this country whose inhabitants represent the world, an interesting place. Why deny ourselves that? It's a wonderful thing to have such a wealth of cultural diversity around us. Go to a service at a Hindu temple; get invited to a Ramadan feast. BECAUSE YOU CAN! I spent Tet in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam with the family of a good friend of mine, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. If anyone ever wishes me a Happy Tet, I will rejoice in that. I'm not saying give up your culture to accommodate everybody else (though that's exactly what seems to be going on here), I'm saying learn about and enjoy the other people around you in addition to expressing your own culture and beliefs. We're all living here together, so why not make the best of it and celebrate our differences instead of constantly hiding and apologizing to one another.

So let's pull our heads out of our collective arse and have a Merry Freakin' Christmas, shall we?

It is believed that the Canadian Industry Minister Jim Prentice will be tabling a new proposed legislation any minute now in the House of Commons; this law is being dubbed the Canadian version of the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, yet it will be even more restrictive than its US counterpart. (Of course, the only reason I know about this is because of internet blogs and NOT the national news, where it should be, but that's another rant for another day). Under this new proposal, which caters to foreign industry/lobby groups and ignores the needs of Canadian citizens to whom these clowns are responsible, the following activities will be punishable by law:

-ripping a CD you bought with your own money to your computer so you can play it on your MP3 player or your cell phone. What? It works on one but not the other? Looks like you'll have to buy another version of it for every device you want to play it on.

-trying to get around the copy protection encoded into your legally-purchased sound or video file so that you can use it with new applications/devices because the original ones are no longer supported by the companies who manufactured them when you bought it (if they still exist). You'll just have to buy it again ...

(feeling violated yet?)

-In addition to messing with the files themselves, tinkering with consumer goods (that you bought with your own money) with Digital Rights Management locks on them is also an offence. That's right electronics geeks & computer science students -- better not let your curiosity get the better of you; you don't really need to know how that thingy works anyway, do you?

-recording a TV show so you can watch it later (geez!! Look out TiVo users, next thing you know you'll be shacked up in the slammer with axe murderers and pot-smoking hippies)

-removing bloated, convoluted and fundamentally broken Windows Vista from your PC in favour of running a sane operating system that will actually work for more than 3 seconds without crashing.

The big record industry giants have been whining and bitching for years now that their profits are declining because of illegal downloading, and tout their aggressive anti-user lobbying under the guise of "oh the artists, the artists, they're suffering, we have to protect the artist". Most signed artists see a fraction of a dollar for every CD sold after and only after the label has paid off its overhead, including the secretary's salary. Looks like if they get what they want, a select few of us might stand to make TENS of DOLLARS if we get signed to a big label. Woo hoo!!!!

To quote the great Janis Ian: "In 37 years as a recording artist, I've created 25+ albums for major labels, and I've never once received a royalty check that didn't show I owed them money". She has a whole slew of insightful commentary on this subject. Check her out here:

http://www.janisian.com/article-internet_debacle.html

Sooooo, if this legislation is supposed to protect artists, as the big players in the recording industry so insist, why are hugely successful artists like the Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan so vehemently against it, and why is Radiohead selling their new album directly to their fans with no DRM, for whatever the public feels like paying for it? These are commercially successful recording artists who make a lot of money, not struggling penniless beatniks (though their concerns are just as valid). Something doesn't quite add up here ...

This doesn't just affect recording artists and music fans - it also affects software programmers, radio and TV producers, photographers, educators, students, archivists, writers, composers, publishers, web designers, independent filmmakers, DJs, and every Canadian consumer who owns an iPod, cell phone or DVD player.

The lead-up and content of this proposed law is so incredibly complex and there is so much more to be discussed ... what I've presented here is just the tip of the iceberg.

If you're Canadian and you care about your rights as a consumer or identify yourself with any of the above professions, (or any others I haven't listed here that are affected by laws aimed at the use of digital technology for the dissemination of work), check out Michael Geist's blog:

http://www.michaelgeist.ca/content/view/2431/125/

He's a lot smarter than me and knows way more about this than I do, being a copyright law professor and all. If you're on Facebook, join his group, "Fair Copyright for Canada".

On the other hand, if you don't care, well ok, just go about your life in the new digital age (pretty hard to avoid unless you're Amish), and don't complain to me about your lawsuit-and-fine-induced bankruptcy.

To those of you who knew him personally, or even just by name, or who have listened to the radio in Canada anytime over the last few decades, or who are Hammond B-3 organ fans, it is with deep regret and sadness that I relay the news of the sudden and unexpected passing of a Canadian musical legend, Doug Riley.

I'm attaching a link here. http://www.cbc.ca/arts/music/story/2007/08/28/doug-riley-obit.html
Please read the article ... it is a pretty thorough synopsis of his prolific career.

I'm having a lot of difficulty trying to figure out what to say ... I got to know Doug fairly well over the last 5 years; I first met him in January 2003 when I went to his place in TO for a lesson/jam. We hung out for several hours - we played with his band in the basement, then he showed me his beautiful imported one-of-a-kind piano, we listened to some records ... since then he has been tremendously supportive and encouraging of me; he came and sat in at a jam session I hosted in Charlottetown and also attended a live concert recording I did at the Rex in Toronto ...
The last time I saw him we were both taking part in a series at the Maison de la Culture Frontenac last October for Radio-Canada; he played the 8:00 show with his group, and it was one of the best Hammond B-3 concerts Martin and I had ever been to. Doug's organ intro to his own "Goodie Two-Shoes" alone was a show in itself.
Our 3-organ & big band tribute to Jimmy Smith was due to go on at 10:30, and as Doug was wrapping up his set he took a moment to tell the audience to stick around and check out "the great Vanessa Rodrigues". I've never been so humbled in my life ... I'll never forget that, and I hope someday I'll live up to it.
I'll also never forget the outrageous story he told us at the soundcheck about when he met Jimmy Smith; ask me for that when I'm not feeling so bummed out and I'll be happy to recount it for you.

I recently bought a bag of bagels from a legendary Montreal bagel bakery which will remain nameless. Martin is extremely allergic to soy, so we are very careful to check the ingredients on everything we buy. On this particular bag of poppyseed bagels, it lists 3 possible types of bagels that are sold by this company, and their respective ingredients. The first type listed was sesame or poppyseed, stating that the oil used is canola. The other 2 types were whole wheat and raisin cinnamon, both stating that they contain "vegetable oil". Now, not many people know this, but "vegetable oil" almost always means full or partial SOYBEAN OIL! Poor Martin had a terrible reaction to the bagel, even though it was poppyseed and the listed ingredient was canola oil. So I phoned up the bakery to ask (politely at that) if there were any types of bagels guaranteed not to have soybean oil, so I would know which bagels to buy from them in the future. The guy on the phone there said "no ma'am, we don't use soy, it's vegetable oil" I said "yes I know, but usually that means soybean oil" again, not listening but getting impatient, he said louder "ma'am it's vegetable oil", as if I'm the ignorant one. I asked what it said on the bottle. He said "I can't answer that question ma'am, you'll have to call back tomorrow morning," and just hung up. And this establishment is renown for its customer service??! He was so rude, and wasn't even willing to look at the ingredients on the bottle of oil, at which point he would have realized that I was asking a perfectly legitimate question. Big companies who mass market processed food always use soy in everything because it is the cheapest and easiest source of protein and oil for large-scale food production; I would expect that kind of response from one of them, but from a friendly local bakery? WTF?
Soy allergies are a lot more common than people may think, and it's a really nasty one because as I mentioned earlier, there's freakin' soy in in EVERYTHING! Canned soup, pasta sauce, bread, sausages, cookies, chocolate bars, even some HERBAL TEA, for crying out loud. And sometimes it only says "vegetable oil" -- buyer beware. We've had to resort to making a lot of our own food at home, old-school. (which isn't so bad, but it's quite time-consuming). When we do go out to buy food, we feel that we have a right to know what is in it, ESPECIALLY when there is a risk of a serious allergic reaction.
Aside from the usual benefits of buying from a small local business, one of the main reasons we do is because they generally don't use the same cheapo industrial methods as the big guys do, and that usually means they use sane ingredients without a million soy products in them. I can't believe I was treated this way by a local community establishment who relies on their mutual rapport with Montreal residents to survive. I will no longer be purchasing bagels from this aforementioned famous nameless Montreal bagel bakery; I am however more than happy to support their longtime rival down the street!

I always found it a bit annoying that on MySpace you're either a person or a band. So a musician isn't a person ... meaning that I can't have a personal profile where I can also post my music & other related information.

I could also gripe about a few more issues I have with MySpace, like the fact that everyone is so concerned about "pimping" their page (after which it usually ends up completely unreadable and takes 7 years to load), but I can't actually SEARCH through my 800-some-odd friends when I actually need to find a particular profile in order to get in touch with someone. No search function, but hey I can post 45 You-Tube videos on my profile page all at once. YeeeHaw!

Before I finish ranting, I'd also like to say that my own personal comments page is NOT a free-for-all message board for people to advertise shows, CDs, reviews etc. Neither should anyone else's be. When I go visit a particular MySpace page, I don't want to see someone else's unsolicited spam about what amazing, earth-shattering experiences I will have if I go visit THEIR page ... I want to see what people have to say to/about the person whose profile I'm ACTUALLY viewing at the moment, thank you. Look, we're all here to be supportive of each other and check out each other's stuff, but for Christ sake PLEASE stop doing that -- IT'S REALLY ANNOYING. Post it on the bulletin board or something, that's what it's there for.

Now, contrary to popular belief, musicians are also people, so I'd like to share some of my interests, etc. like normal people get to do on this site. If the very thought of this bores you to tears, read no more and instead check out this YouTube video of a Vegas Bellagio-style choreographed fountain made by exploding diet coke and mentos!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=znoSaHwbHYg

(it really is amazing -- I love it and I want one in my back yard!!)

General: music, travel, architecture, exotic cuisine, Hammond organs, clocks & other cool machines, cycling, super mario bros.

Music: there are 2 kinds of music - good music and bad music. I like good music.

Movies: Life of Brian, Night at the Opera (Marx Brothers), Being John Malcovich, Nobody Loves Me (Germany), Diamonds are Forever, Austin Powers (just the 1st one ... nothing beats that "Number 2" scene!), Bon Cop Bad Cop, The Party

Television: Six Feet Under, Simpsons, Allo Allo (UK), Fawlty Towers (UK), SNL Celebrity Jeopardy, Mercer Report, Discovery Channel

Books: Cat's Cradle, Bartimeus Trilogy, Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy (the book, NOT the movie), Memoirs of a Geisha (see Hitchhiker's), His Dark Materials (trilogy)

Heroes:

-My sister Keriann - has incredible artistic talent and is a billion times wittier than I can ever hope to be. Check out her blog, e-less haiku (a poetic art form that my friend James and I thought of, yet she is way better at writing them than I am!):

http://elesshaiku.blogspot.com/

-My cousin Brianna - has an engineering degree from Queens and a law degree from Oxford and is working for a company in Europe dealing in sustainable energy technology -- before that she lived in Bolivia and helped the locals start their own small businesses. She's out saving the world while I sit on my butt and play Nintendo games from the early 90s.

-Diane Nalini - just as much of a slacker as my cousin :) ... a wonderfully talented jazz singer and composer, who in her spare time is a physics professor (and a Rhodes scholar to boot!) who dabbles in rocket science. Visit her here on MySpace at:

http://www.myspace.com/dianenalini

or on the web:

http://www.dianenalini.com/

-My 92-year-old auntie Kita - orignally from British Guyana, has lived in Montreal for decades and still lives by herself. She goes to the casino regularly wins a lot of the time! She still puts on her Merengue records and dances, and always insists on cooking us a huge meal of curry, roti & fried plantains (and rum cake at Christmas!) when we go visit. Sometimes I can't reach her on the phone because she's out partying with her kids (who are in their 70s), or at her aerobics class. She's 92!! If that's not inspiration I don't know what is!

-Dr. Lonnie Smith, of course - I learned so much about music and life from him that month I spent on his couch in Florida. Some artists who are as great as he is tend to be a bit spaced out, tunnel visioned and out of touch with reality. Completely on the other side of the spectrum, Lonnie has a very deep understanding of life, the world, and other human beings, no matter their age, race, social standing, whether or not they're a musician ... you have to meet him in order to really know what I'm talking about. I want to be him when I grow up!

Details:
Status - In a relationship
Hometown - Montreal, via Edmonton
Zodiac Sign - Scorpio
Smoke/Drink - not cigarettes/not shitty beer like Bud or Labatt
Education - Bachelor's degree, Dr. Lonnie Smith's couch

Schools:
Virginia Park (Elementary - Edmonton)
Spruce Avenue (Elementary/Junior High - Edmonton)
Highlands (Junior High - Edmonton)
McNally (High - Edmonton)
McGill University (Montreal)
Universidad de Salamanca (Salamanca, Spain)

I know this is not a socially acceptable position here in North America where car is king, but I have to say it ... I HATE DRIVING!!!! I really do. I think this realization came upon me gradually, but I've come to notice that this is very true in almost every circumstance. It's hard for me to believe now, considering that back when I was a teenager growing up in Edmonton, where one could get their learner's permit at 14 and full license at 16, I got my learner's permit on my 14th birthday and my driver's license on my 16th, in the morning before going to school. I just couldn't wait for that independence and freedom.
It was actually fairly pleasant driving in Edmonton - the city is, historically speaking, in it's infancy. It was built with cars in mind, spread out over a large area, wide open roads, not too many other drivers, always a place to park, and a nice spacious one at that. My experience driving in Alberta (keep in mind Calgary's great boom hadn't happened yet and the nightmarish traffic jams were a thing of the future) could not have possibly prepared me for the onslaught of stress-inducing, soul-poisoning torture that is driving in Eastern Canada and the US. Developments in this region are several hundred years old. The major cities here were built in the days of horse and carriage, and street trolleys. NOT HUMMERS!!!! But people still try to squeeze them and other retardedly impractical large useless vehicles through the narrow cobblestone laneways of Old Montreal; why cars are even allowed in these historical areas is beyond my comprehension. But even newer parts of these cities were not designed to handle the massive volume of automobile traffic. So as a result the city of Montreal has, in its infinite wisdom, hastily carved out hideous Autoroutes all over the place to try to move traffic more efficiently; so now instead of a nice clean network of streetcars carrying people around in an orderly manner, (like in Amsterdam and other civilized cities around the world) many Montrealers are forced to navigate an ill-conceived, twisted mess of concrete (which thanks to corrupt half-assededness sometimes comes crumbling down: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2006/09/30/overpass-collapse.html ), with narrow lanes, dangerous merges, unpredictable left-side exits, and the world's surliest asshole drivers -- god forbid guy X let guy Y in front of him because it could cost him MAYBE 0.3 seconds from his overall travel time, even though guy Y has no choice but to cut across 5 lanes within about 10 metres to get to his desired exit because he just merged onto the highway at a very steep angle and his exit is on the bloody left side (with no prior signage, of course). Not to mention parking here, (if you are lucky enough to find any) which is really freakin' expensive whether you legitimately pay out the nose or are smacked with a nasty ticket (twice the price of Toronto -- we've got to pay for snow removal somehow). The parking signs are so confusing it's almost sport on the part of the city administration (like the casino -- odds are always stacked in favour of the dealer!).
I can happily say that I don't own a car, so I don't have to deal with this shit the vast majority of the time. It blows my mind that people complacently subject themselves to upwards of 4 hours a day of infuriating bumper-to-bumper commutes, inching along breathing everyone else's toxic gas swamp of idling motor fumes. And they think it's ok. People think it's OK to live like this!! Everyone thinks it's the ultimate freedom and self-expression to drive a car. The message from the automobile manufacturers and gas companies have permeated our consciousness our entire lives -- images of a sleek, sexy, aerodynamic machine sailing along a beautiful winding country road ... notice there always seems to be absent the COPIOUS HOARDS OF OTHER CARS which are all too present and constantly in your way everywhere you go in REAL LIFE???!!!
Then there's long distance driving -- on undivided highways at the mercy of overtired, maniacal truckers. But that aside, did anyone ever consider that the human body is NOT MEANT to sit motionless in one position for hours and hours on end. Ever notice that your eyelids are drooping and your head feels heavy, and you start to drift off to sleep (and off the road if you don't catch yourself in time). It's not really because you were tired in the first place. Maybe you were, but that's not the point -- the point is that because you're sitting there like a lump staring out at endless monotony, the basic primal forces in your body think "gee, I'm not eating, drinking, walking, or propagating the species, so I must be sleeping" and subsequently shuts your whole system down. This is especially a problem now that cars are practically on auto-pilot in every respect -- power steering so effective that you can drive with your thumbs, automatic transmission, feather-light signal controls ... Night-time long-distance driving in modern vehicles is more conducive to sleep than anything else. Which is not particularly safe.
The only time in recent history that I've truly enjoyed driving is when I met up with Martin in San Francisco last year and his friend from Palo Alto lent us his 1980-something Volkswagen Vanagon. We took it all around the Bay, through the mountains to the Pacific and back along the East side. It felt like driving an old bus -- no power steering, stiff clutch and brake pedals, and I really had to crank the stick shift to get it into gear. It took some serious muscle to maneuver that thing along steep curvy mountain roads, and even changing lanes on the major highways took effort. It was a nice workout and I could really feel it the next day.
The human body is meant to walk and move around on its own, yet for some reason the complete opposite is the ultimate measure of success in North America ... the less you have to walk, the better off you are. And people wonder why they're overweight and miserable. Martin and I went on a beautiful 70km bike ride one day through the hilly Prince Edward Island countryside a couple of years ago, and by the time we got back to town at 9pm I was all ready to go another 70k ... yet after 10 minutes in a car my back hurts, my legs cramp and I'm getting sharp stomach pains from the constant unrelenting stress.
So yeah, all of you diehard drivers out there inching along in your precious motorized tin cans, surrounded in gridlock by everyone else in theirs, leave some space on your right so I can get by you on my bike!

I wrote the following letter to the editor of the Montreal Mirror last week, and they actually published it! I'm glad they did because I think this is an important story that needs to be heard, not just by Montrealers but by everyone who lives in a major city with mass transit:

Today I witnessed every metro rider's worst nightmare - somebody fell onto the tracks right before my eyes, and I could hear the train coming!!! I had just reached the bottom of the escalator at St. Henri station; the young lady had been on the opposite platform so I didn't see what had caused her fall, but my immediate reaction upon seeing her land in the middle of the track was to run like hell to the big red SOS phone, pick it up and yell at the person on the other end to STOP THE TRAIN!! Instead they asked me if I could still see her, if I was sure she was on the track, blah blah blah. Fortunately by that time her friend had pulled her up ... but the train was well on its way into the station. If her friend hadn't helped her, my efforts would have tragically been in vain. At least I DID something - everyone else just stood there like deer in the headlights. So many things are wrong with this picture. Why didn't I remember that there's a red handle there that you can pull to cut off the power to the tracks? Why wasn't the operator trained to immediately tell me to pull it, or do something himself, instead of stalling and asking questions? Why didn't anyone else do anything?

I know that when I make my way to the metro platform my mind is often occupied with the hustle & bustle of everyday life and I'm not thinking about things that could possibly go wrong at that moment - I may passively notice all that emergency stuff on the side there, but hey, it's just a precaution ... it must be there for someone else, right? I mean, when would I ever need to use it? Think again.

I am making a plea to all my fellow metro commuters ... Please, when you arrive on the platform to wait for the train, have a look along the entire length of the wall and notice where the SOS phones are. There's a red handle in the plexiglass case, either above or below the big red phone, that will cut off the power to the tracks. Just make a mental note of it, for future reference. Because you never know when you will have mere seconds to act, and nobody else (including TRAINED PERSONNEL) is going to do anything about it ... PULL THE HANDLE!!! You may save someone's life!

-Vanessa Rodrigues

To see the letter as it appeared in the Mirror, go to the following url:

http://www.montrealmirror.com/2007/012507/letters.html

To see follow-up responses from other Mirror readers, go to:

http://www.montrealmirror.com/2007/020107/letters.html